Out the Womb Dehydrated

Forever. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. We're doing it.

Well. What you don't know is that I'm very very close to Marie right now.

She's touching my leg.

Literally, I'm inside of her. Hello, Hello, anybody.

There inside Sidneys inside?

Yeah, I came on over to Marie's house because you know, the zoom, the zoom, zoom zoom, don't be boom boom booming sometimes.

Yeah. We try to record this episode yesterday and I wasn't feeling it. I said, you know what, I don't think this is a good episode. And Sydney, being the team player that she is, was like, what you need, Beach, what you need us to cut out? Should I come over there? And I was like, nah, my apartment looks crazy. It don't look bad now. I finally unpacked my suitcase from New Orleans last night.

I'm almost there. I have like four articles in the suitcase for maybe like a shirt, a pair of panties, and like some random jeans or whatever. But I just refuse to take everything out of my suitcase.

I don't know.

I'm like, I know that I'm not going to be getting it. I'm not going to be using the suitcase anytimes in But is.

It clean stuff or is it dirty stuff?

No. What happens is when we go away and come back, I take out all the dirty clothes.

I wash those. Anything that's clean, I leave it in the suitcase.

I always take the dirty clothes out because nine times out of ten I need those.

Dirty ass clothed.

Those the cute stuff.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I was living out of the suitcase. I would take stuff out, put it on, put it back in suitcase.

It actually feels like you're on the road, on the road again, on the road again.

No, I just I was stepping over it. I was listen. My apartment. Is what I realized yes day is my apartment is too small. It's perfect for me right now as a as a single person, but I need to live live in a bigger place so that it won't feel so cluttered. Right. But then I feel like if I had more space, I would just get more stuff.

And that's where you have your good friend Exhibit A. Sydney has two bedrooms. Yes, and I have a whole room that is the miscellaneous vanity office.

It was the cat room.

It's oh, it's still the cat room.

Loki and I find myself throwing things in there, putting things in a corner.

It's it's it's cluttered, it's your girl is.

Giving hoarder with a lowercase H, but an uppercase are hoarders with a z.

Z z bourgeoise z. I'm a bougie hoarder at that.

And so I have more space, but yeah, I find a way to add more thing to it.

And what kind of stuff are we talking about? Like so, so you're buying clothes or you're putting clothes that is clean in there or dirty clothes, like what's close?

Just close?

I find a way to get more clothes. I say, I don't have any clothes. Then I get on the good old www dot net w and I find more things to pile into a corner or to lay on top of my bed. And I always buy items that I'm like, hmm, let me get that top, but I don't know what bottom's gonna go with it. But I know I'm gonna figure something out, and then I do. But there's always a time where I'm like, I have this top, but I don't have a bottom to go with this, or I have a bottom that's like a

That's where snake and what is that cheetah? Yeah, I love a mismatch.

My brain is much match.

I don't need my clothes to reflect what's going on in my head.

And so that's a strong nose for me.

And yet you got statement pieces all up and through that house.

And if only I could find those statement pieces when I actually need them.

Let me tell you what happens.

I know that I'll have something to do later on in the night time or like a show or whatnot, and I'm like, oh, I think I know what I'm gonna wear yep. And by the time it's time to get ready, I'm already late.

I'm already an hour.

In right, So I'm looking for this one thing that's gonna go with the pants or go with the shoes or I had it in my I can't fucking find it.

So then I'm.

Flipping over, you know, couches and underneath rugs and fucking up a beautiful space that was just cleaned by our beautiful Manuel and it's it's a nightmare.

It's a nightmare.

It's just like, hang your shit up, or maybe I need a bigger closet. I actually have two and a half closets, and I'm still like two and.

A half closets.

The bathroom is ahead.

No, I have like a friend that's like trying to set up another closet space for me, and it's.

Just set up another What did you get in a storage unit? What does that mean?

Yeah, it's kind of like a rack that I can use up against the wall. That kind of like what Carolina has in her place. And it's just like in my head, I'm like, I'm gonna plan to be a more organized person, but the outcome is always like, m it's a big old peanut butter and jelly.

Miss. It's a mess. You know, it's a mess.

But I think that we're pushing through sis we are. Yesterday or no on Sunday, I came home from the net and my house was in such disarray. Yes, dishes, I had, I had to repot some plants, so the plants was in the middle of the floor. I had little stacks of laundry piles all over the place in my living room, and it was just like I was like, I gotta go to bed. I can't look at this right.

And that's what you're called the textbook high functioning depressed person. See like you look on the outside like, oh, you're getting everything done, or you're getting pieces, you're returning some things, you're getting things done right at the like second, or maybe you're twenty minutes late, but you're still doing it.

So you're still moving around.

When I move, you moved just like that, so nobody really sees how like rough it is.

But then you too your place and shambles.

It's just like, damn, somebody came in and robbed you but left everything.

Yes, Sidney said, you said your room looked like somebody robbed you. It didn't take anything. Yeah, they ransacked it.

They ransacked it, and I had nothing for them to take.

But it also looks worse when I have to get dressed to go somewhere. If I have to get dressed, the outfit in my brain usually doesn't look how I want it to look. So I'm remixing it and trying on other things. And after I try something on, it's going on the couch.

It's going on a couch on the it's going on the floor. It's becoming a little bed for jelly and jam. It's it's a I want to know if anybody is really keeping their place clean, Like, how are they doing it? How are they how are they getting ready and then putting things away?

I don't I can't do that.

People who do that are the same people who cook and while they.

Cook they wash their dishes.

Yeah, because it's like who what what sorcery is that?

And those people are not coming when they have sex Ooh yeah, oh yeah, I said it.

You heard it here first.

If you clean up after yourself while you're making a mess, you ain't coming.

Yeah, because you're micromanaging.

That's what I think. But also, what do I know. I've had a pile of laundry that's been on an ottoman for four months now.

An automan. Yeah. Nice, Well, in order to kind of figure out my life a little bit. I ordered a whiteboard from that evil website. Yeah, we will not say we will not say it, but you know what it is. You're not going to discuss it. You know what it is. Yeah. So I got that, and I feel like if I write everything out like one. First of all, I'm gonna write stuff that I've already done on the board so I can cross it off, just so I can feel good about myself. The first thing I'm gonna write on

But I just woo, you gotta see the things that you accomplished, because we get so overwhelmed about the things that we have to do in the future that we don't acknowledge the actual things that's currently happening.

So, I mean, it just.

Feels like an emotional dump of anxiety that you're like, well, I'm never gonna.

Get through this.

Nope, so I'm gonna So I'm gonna go to sleep. I'd be like, like, guess, all lay down. I think that's what like, you know, I feel like I heard about like somebody like when you're really hungry, when you're like family doesn't have any food. If you're hungry, you just go to bed. Yeah probably that's yeah that I'm like, ah, it's too much cluttering here, I'm lay down.

Yeah.

Well, that's what I call a depression nap because it's like, if I take this nap, I think that it all feel better when I get up, but the problems are still there.

Well, you wake up and you fall into that pile of clothes. Yeah, damn, Well we're managing. At least you look fantastic, friend.

And that's the that's the great thing about a cover, you know, I have. I have a good cover. The cover, the presentation is is amazing.

But you know what kind of cover you have?

One of those like plastic science project covers that you had like slid the little plastic color piece on. You don't'm talking?

Yes, I do know the book report.

Yeah covers, that's what you're giving the see through the sea through okay, yeah shiny, Yeah, you know, and I used to do it in school. I would have the I would buy those covers because what's inside is trash.

But at least I presented the trash cute, you know.

Right right right. If there whatever the rubrics say, if it says something about presentation, you get into ten.

On it exactly. Yeah, that's how I feel.

So you didn't do well with your book reports when you were.

A kid, No, no, I think that, you know, low key, high key. I had some learning disabilities.

It took me a while.

To comprehend things. Reading just reading is fundamental and I was missing the fun and the fundamental part.

You're missing the demental part.

Yeah, that too, that too. Then I had it. Nothing was fun and there was no the mental I was mental.

Yes. My dad used to do my book reports for me. What were my school products for me? And I'd be like, yo, I want to do it, and he'd be like, I gotta get it perfect, and he would like draw my book report covers for me. He like we used to do the dioramas, you know that like shoe box thing with the strings, and like you know what I'm talking about.

I've never been more jealous my dad used to do.

I would be jealous because I wanted to do him, and he'd be, noa, I gotta do it. I know how to glue it down and it was like, but I want to do my project.

Yeah, so that's so sweet and shout out to Samuel good Man.

Yeah, Father's Day is coming up, so yeah.

You know, I don't really fuck with Father's Day because I don't have a father. With fathers, I don't fuck with fathers.

You know, I haven't.

I'm not fucking a father, and you know I don't really have a father.

But you have banged a father before I have.

I have fucked the father in It was interesting because he didn't look like a dad.

He had too many muscles. Yeah.

My ex was a trainer and you know, he had a skateboard and I was just like, what.

Do you wait, the dude that's missing a ceiling as a Oh he is a father.

Yes he is.

Wow, you're really putting the pieces together. So yeah, girl, you said you're doing this right and you're doing the Jessic Fletcher work right here.

Girl, I'm doing the Nancy Drew right now.

Yeah you are Okay. Well, if anybody has ever heard the story.

Of me, remind us girl, it's a light skin man with a daughter but no ceiling. Yeah, yeah that's it.

Well, No, he moves into a he moved into the sat the building like renovated, so he has a ceiling now.

But when we first when we.

First hooked up, it was pitch black, so I couldn't see anything. But when I woke up in the morning, it looks like something out of the candy Man.

So I wasn't giving hey Arnold skylight.

No, okay, no, it was giving like I should be screaming. I should be worried.

I should be worried if it's the type of ceiling that your body should be in a in a tub of ice because they took your organs out.

Given yes, very much hostil that too.

What floor was he on?

I can't even tell you. I cannot remember a thing this is. It wasn't it was not garden level because it was like, nigga, you should have all your ceiling together.

But you know, shout out to uh.

Shout out to people with roofs.

No, no, no, shout out to uh. Oh I know what I was having. I was having picklebacks. Oh yeah, I would pick pickleback shots, jamison and pickle juice. Shout out to having you know, seven eight of those. And you don't really.

Need a ceiling. A ceiling when you're blackout.

Okay, wait, so I did pickleback shots for the first time recently. Are you supposed to hold one in your mouth and then add the other to your mouth and then swallow.

Yeah, you're supposed to. You're supposed to drink the jamison and then drink the pinkleback.

But am I supposed to swallow them both at the same time?

You know, you swallow one and then you swallow the other.

Okay, So yeah, okay, somebody was trying to tell me I was doing it wrong.

Let me tell you, drinking is so disgusting that we have to find ways to make it taste better. But like the fact that we're drinking pickle juice like pregnant women. Just let you know that jamison is disgusting.

Yes, it's all a little tiny bit gross. But you know, when you're in college, you drink dumb stuff or you know, outside of college whatever. I'm drinking rum in Rebel, Yeah, you drank that in college. I used to drink grammy. In college, I was like a dark liquor person.

I was hypnotic.

I was stoley rass any flavored apples. Ooh, and I love like the ocean spray cran razz juice.

You mix like a jungle juice.

Oh yeah, I mean we the amount of hangovers we would have because there was just like so much sugar in anything that we are drinking.

I didn't get hangovers in college.

You're an alien, Marie.

I didn't nobody that I knew was getting hungover, or maybe just me, it's just you. We would have tequila night every Tuesday, and I would wake up and be like, y'all want to go to Nathan's. Now, you guys want to go get some burgers. It was just hangovers for me is something that is fairly recent and and it's still not what it is in the movies.

For me, I think I started out the Womb Dehydrated. So that's why Out the Womb Dehydrated is a great title.

Out the Womb Dehydrated. Yeah, Andrew's not here to write and write that down please, friend, Is there a pen on the table?

We have a pin on the table House.

The Womb Dehydrated.

Yeah, this is it's crazy that we're missing Andrew. How many minutes are we in? We're like twenty minutes in and we just acknowledge that Andrew isn't here.

Well, the birds are outside, are chirping really loud, and it's like, oh, it almost feels like there is a third person here.

Yes, hey, oh Bana song.

Out the whom dehydrated? Yeah, grated. I don't know why this made me think of Kruella, but me and Sidney went to the movies the other day and we saw Kruella with Emma what's her face?

I still both of.

Their names were Emma Emma Stone in real life. Oh, Emma Stone and Emma Thompson.

You know, I'm not a movie buff or anything like that. But I did not fall asleep, so I don't know if that means anything.

I think it does.

I do be.

Falling asleep in movie theaters, and it's unfortunate because it's like I did pay for the ticket. Well, I didn't buy the ticket on this one, but I stayed up and it was cool. But like I I'm not an Emma Stone own fan.

Where are the emmastone fans at?

Please please show right the East Stone Hive please hit us?

Yea, yeah, yeah, the Stone Hive. I don't know that I've ever met anybody who's an Amstone fan, so that but the movie was fun. They tried to p se Cruella up. She didn't wear no fur, no animal skin in the hole.

That's bullshit because we'll see movie after movie where niggas are hanging from the trees, they're beating women, they're shooting, they're gorge and people's eyes out.

Is this saucetell No?

This like every like slavery or like police brutality. Film will see the brutality in that. But it's like skin the dogs, Skin the fucking dogs.

Sydney said, skin the dogs.

Is that a good title? Skin the dogs.

I'm gonna write it down. Peter don't come for us, skin the dogs. But like the way Peter comes to the rescue of these animals is wild. Peta is like the NRA in terms of like they just lobby. They just got all this money behind them and they can say whatever they want to whoever they want.

But that's why I was so absurd, because I like, we can't hate Corolla because the reason why we were so mad is because she was evil and she was skinning the dogs.

She wanted to kill them dogs. So after we I came home from watching Cruella, I had to watch the Glenn Close version to cleanse my palette. And not gonna lie had actually never seen the Glen Close version. Uh huh. But she's wearing like a whole leopard, like a leopard body and the head on her shoulder in the movie, and it's like, yeah, she went and got that legit fur for the movie.

Yeah, we need to see that.

I mean, we saw Tiger King, which was an eight part fucking docu Sriies, and.

You know they're literally treating the tiger so bad.

They're eating their feeding them.

They were giving them meat from Costco with something like.

That, just ra tatata. But we can't see in Corolla.

The Dalmatians. We don't even fuck with Dalmatians like that. They actually don't like kids. Dalmatians don't like kids. No, I guess I am a Dalmatian. I too identify as a Dalmation. Just see Dalmatian.

That's a good title.

Thank you, just sweet Damba Dalmatian.

Thank you.

I mean, I think her not killing the dog in the movie, uh makes sense because she was so excited about the dog coat in one hundred and one Dolmation, So maybe that makes sense. But I just didn't believe Emma Stone as a villain. The other lady I thought it played a better villain than she.

Did, running laps around her.

Oh my god. And I was like, I was like, sis, what I mean. It's a fun movie to watch, but it's definitely too long. It's like two and a half hours long.

Yeah, I was, I was all right, I didn't I didn't need to see it. I was glad I saw it with the gang and some friends, and it was a great thing.

And a great outing. I was appreciative of that.

But first time I've been to the movie, and like the movies, in like over a year.

Maybe yeah again, it was ice cold, you know, the popcorn was fresh but stale at the same time, and it was a great feeling.

I was glad to be back.

And you know, would I recommend anybody pay the money to go see the movie. No, no, But if you just want to experience with some friends and maybe somebody who's got a you know, a business card, they want to sign off, they want to, oh, like a corporate card, corporate card and buy the tickets for y'all, then go off king.

A corporate card. Wow, I went to get I was at a comedy show the other day and this guy came over. It was me, Paris Sachet, friend of the pod, and then like two or three other people, people who names that don't matter right now. And this guy came over and was like, Paris, do you want me to get you something to drink? And she said no, but I think everybody else might be thirsty, or she was like, I'm not sure yet, but what does everybody else want?

We love to see it, I mean, now that the things are open and people are out here splurgeing and thriving and hopping and bopping. I mean, yeah, it wouldn't be Old New York if people weren't skimming and scamming on the on the tabs.

But sir, if you got the corporate card on, you.

Used the corporate card just there might be a limit, they might have a budget.

Well, then he shouldn't have came over to ask for the drinks. Honestly, if I asked somebody what they wanted to drink and they you had volunteered my card for four other niggas i'd be like, yeah, but I was just asking for you exactly, you know. But you know what, I did do something nice for somebody yesterday. Yesterday I was feeling really like in a kind of crappy mood.

Yes, So I was like, maybe.

I should get him bad day, good life, great bad day, good life.

I love that bitch's perfect.

Yeah, And so I tried to sneak out because I was like, yeah, the thing, the myth that I wanted, it was too much. I was gonna go somewhere else. And he was like miss can you please give me something to eat? And I was like all right, all right, all right. I said, do you want like a sandwich or something? And he was like, yes, they do. Which is in there? He was like, I want a salami. It was like salami, pepper, pepper something and pickles. And I was like okay. I went back in.

I ordered his man. He was hungry. He didn't say had taste nude.

I went in and then I was like, like, get some chips. And then I was like, nah, I should get him something healthy, like an apple. So I'm in the supermarket. I got him a bottle of water, like a big ass of water because it was hot yesterday. I got him a sandwich and I got him like a little you know, a little Macintosh, a Galla or whatever the hell that The apple was, Oh those are good. Yeah. I got this man a little and I put it in a bag for him, and I went back in

That's what you gotta do.

You got it on one end, you gotta have somebody running out on the tap, and then on the other end, it's gonna be you passing it on and getting someone lunch.

And we love that.

It was like the pursuit of happiness. Girl. If they ever do a movie on that man's life, there's gonna do. There's gonna be a scene with me and it. It's gonna be It's not gonna be me, but it's gonna be. No, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a light skinned girl. Probably in the movie, it's gonna be Willow Smith.

Light skin game.

Well, imagine if Drake light king girl. Imagine. So yeah, that that happened.

I've been kind of busy during the day.

I have like a little you have a job, now, I have a little job. I'm in a little writer's room or whatever.

It's booked.

It's it's cool because it's on zoom.

We can't get enough of zoom, you know. I just follow whatever the other black people leads are and if they have their camera off, I'm turning mine off too.

It's so good. It feels good.

It's a it's a great gig because what hold on?

Okay, it just the screen went. I was like, oooh, okay, yeah, we own my laptop. Yeah, anyway, go ahead, you follow what the black people are doing. If their cameras are off, yours is off too.

Yeah, because it's I think we're at the point of rip zoom. We're good on it. We just don't have that attention span anymore. We also don't want to go to the motherfucking office, so we're we're it's a slippery slope. It's like, do you want to take your raggedy ass to the job or do you want to be in the house and also do the raggedy ass job in the comfort of your dusty living room.

I don't know.

It's it's a you can't have it all. You can't have it all, and you can't have it your way. It's not it's not burger.

King, but apparently a lot of people are starting to quit their jobs that are asking them to come back into the office. People would rather stay home and not work than go into the office to work.

I don't know if this is a this might be a controversial take, but we don't want to fucking work.

Well, we don't want to work. That's not controversial. I think that's we.

Don't want to work.

We get mad at people who are like, no, I don't mind being a stay at home mom or Y, I want to be taken care.

Of or whatever.

You're like, oh, that's not you know, that's not feminism or X, Y and Z. No, I don't give a fuck what you want to put a label on. Yeah, I want to sit my ass at home. I want to take care of whatever kids or non kids, imaginary kids that I have.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't want to work for one anybody that two a beige person, three a man. I mean there's a list of people I don't want to fucking work for, and right now they want us to do that.

Yeah.

But the cool thing about us is we do work for ourselves. Ultimately, we work for ourselves, and we're in a good place to be, Like, you know, if we don't get it done, then we don't get it done. And the only person that we have to blame for not making our coins is us.

Okay, gratitude, thank you.

So I'm not saying gratitude, I'm saying we work for ourselves. Yeah, so yeah, I mean at times there are things that we need to do for other people, other people's projects that we're working on, and that's who that can be hard because you know, the team that they hired might not be the team that we would have hired right right in terms of like hair and makeup or the

Well, when you work for yourself, you kind of have a vision of what you want to be doing and what your POV is and what you think should be out there, like whether a show or you know, comedy, you know.

Et cetera, et cetera, So you're in charge of that.

When you, you know, get hired for somebody else's gig, yes, you are going to be play whatever you think it's best for you, but overall they're gonna edit it the way they want to tell it them.

Look whatever, you know, you don't have that say no.

So that's another reason why I don't really like other people's projects, because they get to do whatever the fuck they want.

And you'll be there for matt hours and then you watch the final thing, and you'd be like, what you cut it down to thirty seconds? You know what I mean? Like I had to get up early, get there on time, took a car to the location, and then you watch the actual video or you watch the clip and you're like, I'm barely in this thing at all.

But it's a blessing.

It's a blessing because it's a credit and it's yeah, it's gratitude.

Its gratitude, gratitude.

Gratitude, gratitude. That's a great title, gratitude gratitude. Like Mary, Mary, your gratitude gratitude attitude attitude. Huh gratitude attitude attitude.

Okay, since, well, what's something that you're grateful for right now? What's your gratitude attitude?

To be honest, I think I am missing gratitude.

I'm missing it. Yeah.

Oh it's easy to sit back and think about the stuff that you don't have and where you're not at and where you should.

Be, and especially now because we are surrounded by friends with shows who got billboards, Like I went to the bank, I went to Chase a couple of weeks ago, and there was a giant billboard, like a giant Z Way billboard across from my bank.

Shout out to z Way and doing her damn thing.

I was like God, you like wow, Yeah, and then you know, then you come home and you watch Sam Jay show and you're like, wow, another person with a TV show.

Shout out to Sam Jay.

Shot pause, shout out to everybody with a show. But like it is, it's easier, I feel like now to not be grateful for what you have because you're looking at what everybody else has and it's really visible.

Yeah, but if you think about it, there's somebody that's, you know, four steps away from you that's thinking they would love to be in your spot.

Oh you mean Johnny Dragon?

Okay, Johnny Dragon, Johnny Dragon. We had a review.

Remember we dragged the person who wrote us about you know, how we can get them closer to the A list celebrities.

That are our friends.

How do we get him closer so he could work with them?

Yeah?

You know, he wrote a review on iTunes and it was very honest for him.

Yeah, and Marie, why don't you read it?

Okay, first of all, the title is good pod, but don't email them. Okay, four stars, this is funny. They do seem cool. This is informative too. You'll learn things about lifestyles and situations you've never heard of or been in before. I even say it's probably one of the best women led pods out there. But don't email them unless you have have good self esteem and traditionally attractive features. Wow. So right, mm hmm. They're not as nice as you

What do you think about that? Sis?

I mean, I feel like this review is kind of like his email that he sent us. Yeah, it's a little bit of good and a little bit of bad.

But ultimately the way you're wording things, honey, it's not us. It's a little backhanded.

He said. If you email them, you better really think about what you're saying. They're not your friends.

I mean, we let me just let's just say this, Okay. We get a lot of positive reviews.

There's tons of people who write us nice things, and we read them and we look at them and get the dms and it feels good.

It feels great. But you know, we also are people, and you.

Know, we're doing comedy every night, and we have comedy online, and there's sometimes people say things.

To us that we're like, what the fuck?

Like we are human beings too, We have blood pumping through our veins.

We are sensativa, like sensitiva that we.

Are just like you. So our feelings get hurt as well. So if we ever feel slided or we read things, whenever we can read something, we will reread them until it's like ingrained in us, until we actually have a problem with listen.

Like the great Eric abadou One said, keep in mind, I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.

Amen, snapstocks.

Okay, So for you to send an email that is worded kind of like a backhanded compliment. Yeah, babe, we gonna read it and feel a way about it. But also if the email got seventeen paragraphs and this is double space and it's twelve point fond and it's Times New Roman, like, I will read the whole thing.

Yeah, I try, I try. I read the whole thing.

And obviously, you know, you know, hooked on phonics didn't work for works for me, and you said, did it work? Didn't work for me, and so you know, it's it's a little it's a rough to see more than two paragraphs, but yeah, it.

Happened, Johnny. Let's start over.

You know, I send us another photo. I don't remember your picture book. We said that everybody who writes us is attractive, everyone hot, hot listeners, every single brad.

We always give glowing reviews of people's face five stars. Actually, so, Johnny, you saying that you sent us that five page letter and a photo and we didn't say nothing about your photo.

Well, because we were too upset about the first two paragraphs. Honey, I'm sorry I didn't get to your photo, so please resend.

Yeah to recap. He said we were medium famous or something like that, like not famous, but I'm yeah, basically called this Kathy Griffin.

Let's start over, Johnny Dragons, and you know, let's move forward.

It happens. We're people, and we were.

Learning and growing, and I think this is going to be an outstanding summer.

And I don't want to make enemies.

You know, I already have enough people who've been inside me who are enemies now, okay, enemies of the state. Yeah, I don't need I don't need that from somebody like you, who's probably very lovely, you know.

Also, what was the bad advice? What we gave you advice? We answered your quest you asked, I don't remember. He asked, how do how does he get in touch with people who are on the rise?

Stars on the rise?

And I said, you have to start working with the people who are on the same level as you, and as y'all become more successful, that's who is the next, you know, the next group of famous people or medium famous people or whatever the hell he had asked us about. Yeah, work with the people on your level. Don't don't work up work debt, work horizontal, horizontal, yeah, whatever. Anyway, that was the review that we wanted to read and recap, but it is what it is.

We're starting over. Yeah, we're friends again. Hey boo, you look so good. I can already tell. Your forehead is very moisturized, your hairline is intact, and you.

Don't have black elbows or black knees and the same color as the rest of your body.

And you're the type of person that orders rose and you don't drink with a straw, okay, and that's my favorite type of person.

You order sashido peppers for the table.

Who class culture? Culture?

Culture? Yes, culture?

So for me, uh, you know in other news, you.

Know, I I miss my girlfriend tremendouslydously. I miss her so much and it sucks. I don't really do l d's. It's not really for me. I do long Z, but not long Z. Yeah, and I just it's tough. I mean, we're both working and we get it. That's the thing about being with somebody in the industry. It's just like we're gonna be busy.

If I wasn't busy, I would already be where I need to be.

But you weren't busy, you would be unbooked and you would be available.

And that don't get nobody's panties wet news doesn't. Yeah, so I gotta work, she gotta work. And so it is truly tough, truly tough. When I tell you, I haven't missed anybody like this ever.

Wow, that's wild. But like, you've never been in love like this, love like this before. I never knew there was love like this before. I couldn't hit it.

Just show me love.

Like this before. Yeah, you've never been in love like this before?

Yeah, yeah I could.

I just I haven't had this type of love at this time in my life.

So when you move away and leave me three thousand miles away, what what's gonna happen to me? What's gonna happen to us? Because then we're gonna be a long distance relationship.

I know I will have to You'll get fluid out.

Okay, Damn, you're gonna have to say you're gonna be a long distance relationship with somebody for the rest of your life. Well not the rest of your life, because I'll probably be in LA for a little bit.

Yeah, I'll find a way to get you over to LA. And you know there's gonna be other rooms in the place.

So yes, yes, I'm not trying to be roommates with y'all.

I'm just you don't want a Three's Company? It No, My god, company is hot. We need to make that fucking show.

Okay, So what was three Is Company? Because I didn't watch that show.

Three's Company was like two girls and a guy and I think the guy was into one of the girls or something like that. Okay, it was a big show. I wasn't really into it, but I think that that was a premise. Let's look it up.

Three Is Company. The other day I saw a poster for Matt About You, and that was another show that I had no watched, but it looked like older white people. It was giving people in their late thirties early forties.

The story revolves around three single roommates, Janet Wood, Christy snow Jack Tripper, who all platonically live in a Santa Monica, California, apartment complex owned by Stanley Roper and Helen Roper. After Norman Fell and Audrey Linley left the series in nineteen seventy nine for their own sitcom, Don Knotts joined the

I hate all the words, all the names you just said, George, Mildred. Yeah it no, yep, yep, nineteen seventy what to nineteen eighty what news? It was never that's before all of our time.

Yeah.

Shout out to the older listeners though, because I know we got some people who did watch.

Respect the elders.

Yeah, shout out to.

Y'all, respect your elders.

Shout out to people listening in Santa Monica too, because you know Santa Monica, Santa Monica. Okay, So you trying to get me to do three his company with you, and I don't know if I could do that, but okay, I.

Don't know, Marie. I think you can.

You'll get more miles, you know, occasionally, you'll get first class.

I'll work it out.

You've flown first class before?

Mah, I have?

How was that? What airline was that?

I don't know. It was fine.

When I was, I was like the salmon was or no, it was locks or something. It was smoked salmon, like it was a little appetizer and it was so fucking good. And then they had like a steak and it was it was yummy.

It was cool.

I had a good time, but like, I don't like traveling. It's not really for me. I just want to get there. You want to tell, yeah, if we could get in a private jet PJ, that'd be lovely, because then I don't want to do it. I don't want to be amongst them, the crowd commoners. Wow, yes, Sydney, the pedestrians.

Pedestrian Sydney is giving diet Cruela Deville. It's giving young melanated Cruela Deville. You don't want to be with the poores. You don't want to with the commoners. You don't want to be with the plebeians. Plebeians. I feel like the word is right that I just used.

I don't know write that down.

Plebians. I don't know how to write it, but I think there's a you win it plebians. Okay, so you're you miss your boo, sis I. I had a moment yesterday where I missed my old dude too. What Yeah, And I think it's the first time that I truly felt like I missed him. And I was in the back of his uber listening to a ballad, tearing and crying into my mask.

That's some of the best tears I've ever had in the back of an uber. Ooh, and don't let it be a pool bitch.

Oh my god.

There's been times where I was crying in a pool and the other person was passed out, laid up on the window just now breathing, just breathing. The fog is coming up, dank, nasty, and I'm just looking and the drivers could see. I know that he saw me in his rearview mirror crying and didn't even ask me, AmAm amss you good, none of that. He minded his fucking business. And then he turned the radio up.

Yes, he turned it out. That ally, turn the music up. I don't want to talk about what I feel. Let me feel what I feel, and you know, otherwise, cut the cameras off. Dead ass, dead ass. But no, I it was silent. I think maybe three tiers fell, it might have been two, one on each eye. And then the first tear made my mask saggy, and I was mad. I was mad that I was crying. I was mad

Fart uber with tears, good time.

Fart uber with my tears. Yeah, it smelled like ass. Maybe that's why I was crying, because the fart was in my eyes.

It maybe had like a hints of onions, so that's why you were crying.

Yeah, it was given salami onions and a gizzard. I can't but yeah, last night after I don't know how many months it's been. However many months, is the first time that I was like, wow, I miss yeah blank, that's blank blank blank blank blank, I miss blank, miss blank.

It's a good title too.

I missed dot dot dot I miss blank. Well what okay? Well? You miss somebody. I missed somebody. I'm using the past ten I've been missing you.

I've kind way.

Or Hobbyssie.

I don't know if you hit that note, friend, but ye take it out.

I'm trying to do the total part. When when where.

We tub?

I haven't missing you?

Somebody tell me why, Oh, that's such a good song for karaoke.

I'm telling you, Okay, so we should that's a good song for karaoke.

Okay, me and my sisters saying that at karaoke once and it was a performance.

Next time we go to karaoke that, I think that will be that'll be our hits.

We need a third person though, to do the Diddy parts. I mean, it's kind of hard, which you're not around. Okay, okay, okay, so we miss things. Whatever. We're gonna get work done. We're writing things down, We're we're trying to get laundry done. My therapist told me that instead of saving all of my laundry for once a month to do it, I should do laundry once a week. And I was like, that sounds like a lot, and should do once a week. I do.

I drop it off like they come and pick it up and cost twelve dollars. And yeah, sometimes my panties are missing.

But panties are missing. Yeah the fenties.

No, not the good ones, just like the regular black ones from Rainbow.

So when not come in a pack?

Yeah, the pack panties missing. That's a good title, panties missing. Yeah, we should actually use that title because people will click on that.

Well, hold on, let's let's look at what we have so far. We have panties missing, I miss blank, fart ubers, a bad day, good life, gratitude, attitude, just be dominations out, the womb dehydrated.

Oh out the womb dehydrated.

Death slap out the womb dehydrated.

That sounds a that's a bob.

Panties missing, bad day, good life.

I love all of this.

Yeah, I think it's I think it's great. I'm glad that you were able to come over so we can do this episode again. The one that we recorded, it felt like we weren't really friends on that episode. Really yeah, I was like, are we cool? Like what is this?

Well?

I think what it is.

It is like if we're talking about our personal lives, then it's easy to be on the same page because it's like, I'm not going to say that's wrong, that's right. But when we have opinions about topical stuff, I mean, usually we don't have the same.

We don't know. I I hear what you're saying.

M h.

But it just it didn't feel like something that I would want to listen to. Okay, it was like, ah, it just felt like fun.

Fact, Marie doesn't listen to podcasts, so that's hilarious that you say it's not something that you would want to.

Listen But when we when we record a fire Ass episode, I will go back and listen to it when it comes out.

Okay, that's good.

I don't listen to a podcasts because I don't like listening to my voice me neither. Oh excuse me?

Oh I legit.

Actually have gotten to the point of I'm at that level of ooh, do I despise my voice? I hate like I'm like, oh my god. I think I know why the girls, I know, other girlies don't talk on Instagram because they might have annoying voices and that takes away, you know, from their appeal.

You know, I heard Lori Harvey's voice the other day. Voice it's regular, right, but she doesn't talk on Instagram at all, but I heard her voice for the first time. She did like one of those Vogue makeup videos. Yeah she's fine, And everyone in the comments was like, I've been here to see what she sounds like.

Yeah, she's cool. Sounds she doesn't.

She doesn't have a vocal fry. She doesn't sound like a Kardashian or anything like that. She's got like a normal voice. It's it's like it's not too sexy, but it's it's it's like chill. She seems like a chill girl, like she does seem she's not doing too much and she's not like you're she's not pulling up.

Being She's not Billie Eilish.

Yeah she's not so weety.

She's oh sweety.

High streets. The streets are calling us right now, pause for a street sounds.

I mean, I think that I am gonna be one of these people who stops talking on Instagram.

What Yeah, Marie, I love No, you are so funny.

I mean I say it all the time, and it's like, Okay, get off Maurice's dick. That's a good title, Get off Marie's dick, But.

That's merch. Get off, Maurice Dick is merch.

I'm just I'm just one of your biggest fans. So anytime you say something.

Honestly, Sydney, I truly when you say that, I truly believe that I am like my biggest cheerleader and I love that for me, And honestly, I feel like I should be a better cheerleader to you. I should be nicer to you. I'm gonna be nicer to you moving forward until we die. What do you mean be nicer

Talk when they're.

I'm running my mouth mountain, I'm boxing Floyd Mayweather, and you're like, girl, you do it great out there. You're spraying water, you're giving me gum. You're like, you know, you're putting that sen on my eyebrow.

That is such a great visual.

But that's who you are for me.

You're like that. That would be an amazing sketch.

You ring in me, I'm getting my ass whooped. In my life, it's just you and me, and the time, it's just I'm fighting anxiety and I'm losing, and you're like, you're doing great, sweetie.

Yeah you look great.

Your body looks good. You're double time.

You Look at my friend.

Look at she getting her ass, but look at him fucking ass. Look at my friend, she's doing it. She's and yeah.

That so I feel like I should be like if you were the boxer in this analogy, then I'm like kind of your don King. I'm like helping you get stuff done, but I'm also like doing things for me. You know my right, you're in sa don King. I'm writing don King down as possible. You're my don King, You're a grand king.

That's a great time. Please take a picture of all that so I can put it in the notes and post it. That's so funny. Yeah, I don't.

I think that's I don't know anything else but to be that because when I was working as a waitress, that's the that's the vibes that we had of each other.

We just kind of like the girls always showed up to my shows.

They were like number one fans and told everybody about me. And because they showed me that, I was like, oh I have to it felt good, you made it made you feel.

Like special, you know.

So it reminds me of like, yeah, I like when people do that for me, but I also I truly love doing it for my friends because it makes me feel good.

But that's what's so cool about when you do it, Sidney, is you do it because you don't know how to not do it. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, I feel like you're gonna be an awesome mom. Really yeah, because you I mean, you might not teach them how to like read that well or nothing.

Like that, but shut up.

Oh wow, y'all gonna be trying to read the words together a bit. Y'are both gonna be sounding things out. But every game, every Science Fair, every Girl Scout meeting, Like, you're gonna be the mom that is like you know, you don't how like at graduations they always say hold your applause until all the names have been called, and

Know, yeah, Taraji p hints and my friend, Yeah, you're what I have to do. I mean it's sometimes I'm like, oh my god, it's so obnoxious, But like I just I think that the world is like hard, and especially what we're doing is even harder. And sometimes I remember like having a tough go on stage, but if I hear y'all laughing it, it makes me feel safe and feel good.

Yeah. So and also it's like grounding to hear your friends laughing at you, yeah, because you're like, especially if you're trying something new and the room is like unsure when you get that. And I feel like when you laugh, first of all, it fills the room because you've got a loud, rude laugh, and I know that my laugh is doing the same thing. So it's you know, it's encouragement. Yeah,

Y'all are giving me seven o'clock and it's.

Seven o'clock energy. We need that late show energy.

Yeah, And speaking of shows, thank you guys so much for your coming through to the NIT and going Sunday and you're giving us hugs and you're so sweet and you're saying kind things and you're but.

You're hugging out saying you smell good. Yeah, that's really all that matters to me.

You're so beautiful and we really everybody who is a fan of the pod. Molly, I'm gonna get back to you, Molly, she wants to be our assistant. I promise I'm gonna call you back. I hope you're listening. She called you, No, she emailed. She emailed me because I gave her the email. But you know, I am bad with emails. And I emailed her and I was like, I'm gonna call her, and then I didn't call her.

Yeah, Molly had some words for me the other day. I said, okay, Sins, let me let me take a step back. She was like, I messaged you already and I was like, well, message me again. I got a lot of DM send me another message. And she was like, I'm gonna message you and if you don't respond, and she I said, Sis, you clearly do listen to the podcast because you sound like me. But also, maybe you don't listen to the podcast because you're talking to me like me.

So I said, you guys need me, And I said, oh, okay, all right, well I like you.

Maybe, yeah, maybe maybe we do need her because she said that.

I mean the way she wrote the email.

What did she say in the email? Can you read like not the whole thing shout out to Johnny Dragon, read like a couple of the cliff notes.

Then I have to call her, and you got to.

Call her, and we'll and hopefully we'll have a little assistant for the unofficial Expert and we'll be able to give y'all the quality and the quantity of stuff that y'all.

Okay, look at this wos long.

Okay, all right, well give us you know the spark notes.

Hey, Sidney, thank you so much for giving. Thank you so much for being so nice to me and giving me your email, and also for being fucking hilarious and making my life better. From unofficial Expert to sid can't cook. To be honest, sid you cannot cook, but neither can I for you for being vulnerable with the world about it. Wow, you or Marie need me as your free assistant. I'm for real attaches my resume and I'll give you a quick runtdown on my status so you know I am

Okay, hella, we love it, hollo, and.

Kind of my whole schlick stick. Basically, I'm the Alana Glazer of Salt Lake City and everyone knows me.

Would confirm this.

Okay, see Alana Glazer of Salt Like. So what that means? Is you sexually free? You funny?

Yeah?

As your free assistant intern, I will be your little bitch. Seriously. I will get your coffee. I will get your dry cleaning. I will clean your dirty ass refrigerators. Sorry said, not trying to drag you. I will answer emails, I will schedule things for you. I will help however you need me to. There is no catch here. I will not make you guys pay me down the road. I am not trying to use you guys to leverage my career. I will never try to slide in. Oh, can you

Oh okay, that is so, that's really nice.

I'm Molly. I'm calling you.

If you're listening, Molly, I have already called you raggedy.

You freaking sweet. Please don't single white female us.

That's what I was thinking about. All you're saying all those nice things, and I'm getting Lifetime Movie Channel chills up and down my spot. She's not what the resume look like. She do excel and PowerPoint.

Yeah yeah she does.

She's yeah, yeah yeah yeah, but what else does it say? Let me see? I just want to because I told her to send me her resume, and I told her I was gonna read it all my life. Okay, she worked volunteered for Hillary Clinton. Okay, okay. Gorgeous graduated when two thousand and uh uh Dean's list. Okay, cool, Okay, I like this for us guys listening to the pod. We're gonna post some stuff on the Instagram obviously when

What makes somebody a good assistant?

Right? And how can we properly test somebody to be an assistant for the unofficial expert, you know? And if there's something that you heard today that you felt like is a red flag, let us know so we know what to look out for. But honestly, she seems sweet, and she listens to the pod, And anybody who listens to the pod and then can approach us afterwards is a friend of mine. So push through. SIS. Never thought that I'd have an assistant named Molly, though.

So doesn't matter. I just love the energy.

Yes, keep the same energy, Sis when you're doing the assistant work though, So yeah, I think that's it. We made it to the end of the podcast, made.

It fucking through. We did it, guys. I'm so fucking happy.

I'm glad that I brought my black ass over here to give you a better episode, the episode you deserve, the one that you love and see us in our shining. But also, you know, dry light. It's great, Yes, it's great.

Well, the sun is setting and it's very dark in this apartment, so we gotta go. I can cut the lights on. But Sydney, I'm glad you came over, and I'm glad.

That you anything for you friend, that you are more than.

My don king sis.

You are.

The wind beneath my wings, beach.

I will try.

It will be an anemic wing, but I got you.

No, I'm the wing. You're the wind.

Oh okay, well, my my week wind will definitely lift you up.

Thank you friend. Anyway, Bye guys, Bye Molly, Bye, Love you guys forever.

This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert Is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Foreverdog Plus at Foreverdog Podcasts dot com