Give Your Boobs Back

we flew back, we left on the ninth. One was on the plane for thirteen hours and it was the ninth when I landed. Like, that's how far away Japan is. Yeah, that's crazy. We flew back into time, back to the future. I love that. So you kind of you kind of catch you catch up, you go for it, but move back. That's I mean. I wish that was life in general. You could like re one time. Oh yeah, I would go the day ahead, and then everything that I did not do that day, I'll go back the next day

and do what I need to do. How many days you think you would do that? I almost every other day. Now. If you could only go back, if you could go back in time, you could only go back one time. You going back to do errands, It's gonna be something money related. It's gonna be like I bought it, I'm a return it. I'm returning so I can get money. You can go back at the time once in your lifetime and you taking it back. So in the thirty days of your return policy, that's what you're doing. I

might I might return the titties. Yeah, yeah, I return the titties. What and then do what with the money instead? Mc no no, I think that, Like, you know, I thought I needed them, but I have them, and it's like I'm not really utilizing them. So it's I want to give time back to the room. So I'd probably give my boobs back. Girl, give your boobze back. It's

great the episode. Girl. Okay, Yeah, I don't know. I think I will go back to like a childhood thing, like a you know, like when I had to make a decision and I did this instead of doing this, I think I would go back and like make a smarter choice, you know, a childhood thing. Yeah, like when I was in I don't know what a day that I got like a chain letter and I didn't send it out, you know what I'm saying like, I will go back to like a day like that and send it out, and I think I'd be in a bit

of place. Now. You are unseerious, girl. I don't know why we put these hypotheticals. You always gonna go with something that you know and those chain letters. Okay, so I will go back. I will go back. Come on, girl, I will go back, and I don't know, run for student body president or something. I don't know, And where are those people? I don't know. I don't know, But I feel like I feel like that's where the performance

aspect of my life could have began. You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't remember when I started doing stand up. It was after I graduated from college and everything like that. But I feel like, I don't know, being on stage and lying about putting soda in the water fountain that's performance, you know what I'm saying, Like, this is why you should vote for me, and then that changes. I don't know the trajectory of my life.

You didn't see the Butterfly Effect that movie? Yes? Yes, I mean everybody's talking about it on TikTok the Butterfly Effect really yeah? Yeah? Now they're talking about it, well, they're talking about the butterfly effect, is like everything is in connection to how things are supposed to meet up. So like this one girl who is now engaged to this guy. She was like, I I met this guy at a party and I just so happened to be at this party because of something. I got to the

party late, and then we locked eyes. I gave him my number, but I didn't I didn't put his name down, so I didn't even have his number to meet up with him. But then she saw him again and they was they like they exchanged something like words, but she she never really met up with him. And then she got on a motorcycle with her friend or moped. She bought a moped and she was driving with her friend and then these guys drove by on mopeds as well, and her friend was like, ooh, those guys are hot,

Like we need to, we need to. This is in Miami something else, you No, it sounds like it's like international. No, it's very local. And then when they got to the light, the one guy looked and she turns and she's like, wait, I know that guy, And then I don't know. They stopped at a place and then I don't know, I forgot the rest of the store. Basically, there's a lot of holes in the store. It's a lot of holes in the story. But each time she wasn't that pressed.

She thought about him, but like she was never like going after him and he was never going after her. But each time it was like they kept meeting up, and then this final thing with the moped and then when they she had this moped or whatever, but as soon as he proposed to her, somebody stole the moped.

Oh so it was like the universe said, you don't got nowhere else to be, baby, Yes, the moped brought her to him, and now that he proposed to her, she's like the universe was like, oh, we got to get this moped out of here, because this moped was only there to connect this guy. You said they're getting married. Yep,

they're getting fit. No baby seat on no moped, No no. But it's I mean, she she was like, this moped is like my independence me woman, Like you know, she would wear a certain outfit on these mo and she just she would look real chic or whatever. And so I mean I could see men throwing themselves at her because she looked really cool on the past. So what I'm hearing is I need to go back in time

get a mopen, know what I mean. I never said I never said that you, but like, yeah, when you put yourself out there, you're in places where people who wouldn't normally see you see you. Yes that's me running for president, not in America. But oh my god, Okay, sure I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, I'm I'm with Maria Press. Listen, let's talk about mopeds real quick.

Because there was a time I was in Paris. Remember I was in Paris for like a month, yes, a couple of years ago, and I would save places on my phone that I wanted to go, like eat at or whatever, and then I get into these like doom scrolls of like going through all the reviews before I make a decision on where I want to eat. And

I would do this in Paris. I do this at my house now, but I would do it for like way too long, and like by the time I finally would decide where to go, these places would be like getting ready to close. So there was a day that I was in Paris and I was like, I'm not doing that today, I'm a pick a place and I want to go. Pick a place, and I'm gonna go. So I picked a place and I went and I get there, and you know, I got there too early, right, Like I I was too decisive about where I wanted

to go, So I got there too early. So it wasn't like lit like I was expecting it to be. But everybody was like really nice and like chatting with me. And there was this guy I don't remember where he was from, like Algeria or Serbia or I don't know, I don't know something something over there on what are them places? Something between Asia and you're you know, over there, but you're like you spicy white. Okay, the hair was kinky, but the skin is a little bit fair, you know,

so you might've been Moroccan anyway. So me and are talking and he's like, oh, he had just he'd been in Paris for like he worked at this place. Oh wait, I think I remember this story. He worked at this place, yeah, in Paris a couple of years. Yes, I do remember. We had to learn French, but that's how we're talking. We're speaking to each other in French, and he's like, what are you doing tomorrow. And I was like, I don't really have a plan. And because you know, I'll

be loose. The itinerary be imaginary. We never have an itinerary. Oh what please, it's choose your own adventure when I get one of the kids. Shit. So he's like okay, he's like, I have this mope, this scooter. He was like, I'll come get you and I'll take you around the city. And I was like, oh, yeah, this is you know, this is what they do in the movie. This is literal survey. So I was like yeah. And remember he

had like a bracelet, beaded bracelet on. Believe he had the beaded bracelet on and he was like I was like talking about it and he let me wear it. And I was like, oh, you're a bracelet and he was like no, no, no, you give it to me tomorrow. And I was like, oh, okay, that means I'm gonna see this guy tomorrow. Yeah, mind you. It was it like, oh, this is the hottest person in the world, this is my soulmate. It was just like it's just it was like a nicex. It would have been a nice experience.

So the next day I wake up and I'm like, man, I'm not about to I'm not about to get on like any scooter. Like what do I look like? What do I look like? Lizzie Maguire, Luca like, who am I? Jennifer Lopez and a rom Com come on? Right? But I was very in my head about like I was like, he was nice yesterday at nighttime, but what if he drives me off a cliff or what if he drives me to a bad neighborhood or what if whatever whatever? Whatever? And I was like, I'm not gonna go. And so

I didn't go crazy. I didn't go. I still have that bracelet. It's in my apartment right now. Hey, well we have to take a picture to put it in the dump. But also, I mean this was during Eprey. Oh right, he pray, all the eating and praying and how are you doing? You were like a mopad. That's where I stopped. That's what about? Yeah, But that truly because I was trying to plan all of that stuff out.

But that would have been peaky prayoyes. You know what I'm saying, the cherry on top of praying that I don't die, but being a hoe and and him eating you know Leah Roberts would have reached out to you. If you would have done that, Reese with a spoon would have hit me up. Well. But I was like, I didn't go because I stopped myself from going the fear truly, But it was like I could have just went. I I was in Paris, I wasn't there with anybody. I should have just been like, yo, let's go see

what happens. So is that where you would change? And we're saying that's where should take it chamishing back to. Yeah, No, that's fine. Yeah, that's what I take it back to twenty seventeen with the beads on my wrists, like, hey, okay, I'm not mad at that, okay, but now keep going. Let's go. You get to Japan, okay. Boom. So I was in Japan for like, I don't know, eight to ten days. I just got back. Everyone was like, oh my god, is this a solo trip? Are you alone?

open to all the possibilities. I think. Yeah, I think that's what you. I mean you besides saying no to the mopad, I feel like you say yes to a lot. I say no to more then I say yes. Really yes, I don't not. Every time we've gone on the trip, it's been like, yo, we're doing this, Yes, we're doing that. No, that's whack, we can't do that. But yeah, but we're doing now with my friends. Like traveling with y'all is different, Yeah, because y'all are down, like we're just like, yeah, let's

do it, like okay, cool, we're doing ATV. We getting in the water. We can't swim, we can't swim, but we're jumping off a boat yep. And we trust in these white people. Oh my god. Every time. But look, we didn't die. We didn't die. You just we gotta be you gotta be really loud. If you can't swim, hey, listen, captain, time out. I can't swim. Great. Every single person on this boat to the captain trunk, all the other people

on the side of the boat is drunk. Everybody. People's moms and aunties were throwing up off the bridge, off the bar. Okay, they did not give a damn, but they was like goo goo goo, Yeah, it's our hold on, no, no, no idol float between my eyes. It is a unit secure. I'm not secure, right, the vest is not secure. Hold on and then you just get in. You're like it. You know what? You know what the secret is to the to the unit being secured. Put the swim cap on first. I would then put the wig on top.

I would never do that. Now. If the wig pops off, you got a swim capble No, ma'am. If the unit comes off, the trip is over. Oh your tip is off, the trip is the trip is done. That happened when I was in Jamaica. We was on one of those when they pull you you on those those inner tubes. Yeah, and like the way I had the grip of the jaw, the claws of life onto the handle and then onto my head and they're like, no, you need to pull

both hands on. Then I said no, no, no, if this comes off, I'm dead because I'm going into the water after it. So yeah, anyways, so you go there you Japan is living in like they're living in the future. Right. It's honestly truly one of my favorite places I've ever been. They're better than us. They're, oh, girl, better than us in any way that you can be better than us, which is every single way possible. They're better than us. They cleaner, they're just they don't have any trash cans

on the street. But there's no trash here in New York. We put the trash by the trash We were like, hey, alby, and then we drop it ten feet and we were like, that's where that chicken bone lives. Now, you know. It's just it's so clean. The trains come on time, flickers are bigger than ours, cleaner than ours, and nobody talks. They just kind of like quiet, enjoying the ride. I was afraid to speak on the subway. I don't believe that girl. I was like, I don't believe that girl.

I was like, like like a little schoolgirl, like but all of the things that I've watched, all the movies Spirited Away and all the anime may that I've seen. That's what the neighborhoods look like. It just it feels really good to be in Japan. Wow. And I'm saying that as a black woman. It just felt they weren't paying me no attention. I did my hair like this. I was like, they gonna think it's cool. They didn't even see me. Girl. They were like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And everybody's dressed well. They all have their own individual style, like from head to toe, like they're doing cool things with their hair, they're doing cool things with their platforms, and everybody could dress their ass off in Japan. Tokyo is the fashion capital of the world. I don't nobody. That's what everybody was saying. They was like, yo, there's gonna be so many options. I mean closed galore like and clean and tailored and just watching, like just stand

outside and watch a bunch of people walk by. Everyone's dressed different, or it's a bunch of girls dressed the same, like a girl group. And it like worked with every single person that I saw, and it was like they would some of them would wear like the traditional clothes, like with the robe and the thing around it, and it was like that's normal. But then right next to her you would see a girl with like panty shorts on and like stockings and pigtails and like butterfly things

on her face, and that was also normal. Oka of them was like looking at the other in disgust. It was just like this is just what we know. Judgment. That's that's all that Japan was. So we're moving to Japan. We're moving moving to Japan. Y Yo, Okay. I'm down with I mean because my because my girl was like, oh, you want to go? And I was like, I mean, it sounds like it's a lot of money, like you

you don't want to cut corners. And when Dwayne said he went, he told me how much he spent there, and I said, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have no idea how much I spent. I was just giving them the card and the stuff that I was buying. But also like, you know, I didn't pay for the flight. I have no idea how much that costs. Yeah yeah, no, no, I mean he was telling me everything that he was doing, and he's like this, how you gotta do it yep.

Like you can't even think about it. You just got to be like black, we're doing it, yep, because that's what kind of experience it is. And I said, yeah, I want to go there when I feel like that comfortable, because I don't want to. I don't want to cut corners on such a cool trip. Well, also, I'll say this, all they do in Japan is spend money. If you want a tokyo and you ain't got it, don't go. That's what I'm saying, no tokyo for you. I remember working at when I was working at the bars, the

people who would put the money down for reels. The Japanese, Japanese business men, Oh they are. They're buying anything everything and they barely touching the drinks. They they having a good time, but you know they got low tolerance for alcohol. Yeah they so they just buying it just to pop off. But I'm telling you, like everywhere we went, I was like, this is like a mall. This is like you know how like when we be in Soho or when we used to be in Soho, it's always a lot of

Asian people down there. Because that's what tokyo is. It feels like a giant soho everywhere you go. But I guess they come here now and they're like this, what y'all got? No, Because I was talking to this dude at the Adida store and he was like, oh, you're from New York. New York is so cool and I was like, Tokyo is cooler than there, and he was like, no, for me, New York is the coolest city. And I was like, yeah, no, Well, I can say with my

full chest, yeah, New York ain't hitting like that no more. No, it's not hitting like that. No, post pandemic. New York is New Jersey. New York is Nashville. Listen. I walked by the place that was supposed to be g Star. That shit is gone. I said, New York is a rap okay, oh all the stores that used to be cool that. I'm like, oh my god, this is a staple. You got it. You have to go here. It's not there no more. We don't even to talk about the stores.

Let's talk about the streets. I saw some somebody posted a video today about Saint Mark's Street. Uh, you know Saint Mark's Uh, people doing drugs. I can't people cutting class people, you know, throwing up and peeing and pooping and shitting themselves on the street. That's Saint Mark's showed the video. It's all. It's like all tables on either side, just white people drinking apparall sprits is disgusting. It's not disgusting to the white people. Hello, white listeners, not discussing

to y'all disgusting. But what you turned my disgusting. It's not an apparall spit sprits location, No, it's not. No, it's for uh bottomless, bottomless mimosa's, uh margarita's. It's for a drink in a bag in your hand. That too, that too, and it's heroin as well, heroine, not apperol sprits, aperol sprits. Heroin. Take that down to Soho somewhere West Village. Take it uptown uptown, that's take it uptown where your where your mom and dad lives, Upper east Side? Do that?

Do that? Saint Mark's. It's it's where the heroine and the bags of juice would liquor in it would play. And now now where do they go. That's where you will get a piercing that your mother didn't know about. You get a tattoo. You aren't getting falling off? Yes, yes, yeah. You couldn't go to Claire's acessories. You go to Saint Mark's. Yes, you get a dollar slice and you might get sick. Every single that's not Saint Mark's. No More Girl. New

York is completely different. It hurts. There's this article that people were talking about this week about the gingrification the cut duh. Yeah, the West Village White Girls. Everybody's upset because it's like, you can afford a publicist, and that's why you're on the cover of this magazine. We don't know you, and you don't represent New York. You just got here, just got it. But you're on the cover

of the New Yorker. Wild. That's crazy to not be on a New Yorker and just get to New Yorker and then be on the cover of like the New Yorker. It's pretty weird. It's wild. Anyway. They're not doing that in Japan. They're not doing that. I don't know what the Tokyo magazine look like, but they're not putting me on the cover. Or maybe they would, but I don't know. But yeah, that's it's an awesome city and I would

one hundred percent go back. I will go back this year. Okay, well, hopefully I'll get that get that money together so I can go, because I really do want to go. But yeah, I would want to experience it like a tourist. But also if I knew somebody there so I could find the spots that nobody knows about, I also want to do that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the underground spots. Yeah, they still have that in a way that New York

does not. Like I mean, I guess New York has stuff, but like, you know, somebody finds something cool in a city that they're not from and they blasted on TikTok and it wasn't his TikTok. It's not cool on y'all gotta stop listen Gate, keep the cool, the stuff that you don't care about, put it on TikTok. But if it's a spot that you're like, oh, this food is really bombed and I had a really now okay, hold on now wait wait let me small business. The thing is is that Keith Lee was doing this with like

different restaurants that obviously needed the help boom. That's cool. But if the spot is already doing well, it doesn't need extra business. Hey, why are you flooding them with people who don't even know how to give you know, proper They don't have proper etiquette. They being rude to the servers. They don't tip those people need to don't need to come. They messing up the vibe. You know, right,

the vibe works because it's not no influencers exact. Now, get ready with me while I go destroy a small cool business. No, stay home. You put in your Alex earl light on the lamb chops. You're fucking up the vibes. The music is playing, and then all of a sudden you're blasting music from the TikTok that you just did. That's no, no, no, no, no, we can't have that. So I think we definitely should gatekeep the But also

I do find places on uh TikTok. But then I get into the comments and the tea is They're like, yes, this place used to be good, not no more. Right, there's there's a bar right across the street from They said it's trash. Now, what's the name of the bar? I don't want to say, Oh, I can't say. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it offline to you. But it's supposed then we'll swing by do a video at that bar. Yeah, I can't even say. I can't even believe, I said, but it's like the bougie cousin

of that. And I was like, oh, I saw it, and I said, oh, we should go there. And then recently I saw a TikTok and everybody said the doormans are mean, the line is long. They charging five hundred dollars to get in to get a table. I said it, wait this and this is on Myrtle Avenue. Bottle service on five hundred dollars for table service on let me tell you that is a recession indicator. When when a when a hole in the wall, spot off the off

the J train is like, we're doing bottle service. Who told you what what white man in the top had said, yeah, let's do this? Well said that I can't. I can't. Yeah, New York is you said a white man in a top hand in a top half. You know that those were the one that's they're like, oh, this is how you make this place more upscale, and it's like, no, this is how you run away the cool people because they're like, first of all, I'm not doing no lines, New York. Why would I wait on the line? Girl?

When I see people online waiting for Kith, I said, oh, this can't be good Kith Supreme. Anytime I see any of those people wait online, I'm I'm already like, this is not for men to help. But laugh. Yeah, because you wait online to wear some stuff that don't even look good on you. Honestly, that's a mess. You saw it good on somebody else, and now you're trying to put you look bad. You know what lines are mess?

Lines are a mess. And then making people wait outside to make a place look cooler, that's also a mess. It is just have everybody come in, have a good time, and then the word of mouth will let everybody know that this is the place to go. But people do lines because everybody knows that people are cheap, and they got to think that, oh, this is it's cool. So let's let's be a little bit more selected about the lions. Yes, because the bounces. You know, bounces in New York have

been mean since the beginning of velvet ropes. Right, that's just kind of what it is. But I'm here. I'm here for a mean doorman. Oh, I'm not mad at it, especially when you used to work at Rose Bar and I used to pop in and I used to watch the doormen shut the people down, and I'm just hey, and they're like, hey, Fabby, how you doing. Like there's no greater feeling than knowing a doorman and watching somebody else don't know a doormant. I saw our doorman shut

down Q Tip. I said, this vibrant, vibrant, vibrant, breathe and stop for real. So give me what I was on the door. I said, no, no, no, you have to let him in. How many how many dudes was q Tip with? He was just with one other guy, and he said, no, we're at capacity. And I said, no, we're not. No, we're not let him in because I was in the front bar, because I wasn't in the cool bar yet. But I said, hey, hey, hey, this is actually against my whole heritage that you're not letting

this man in the Santa Black. It's very anti black, it's anti wrap, it's it's anti all of that. And you know what, you Tuba had to leave. He didn't let him in. What was he wearing? He looked good, He looked at skin was going, no, no, no, what what was the shoes? Like, what was he wearing? Wearing a Q tip outfit? I don't know, A big, a big shoe, jeans, a big shoe like a Kanye like a not a combat but you know, just something that you know, the guys, the short guys, you know the lifts.

He's wearing a shoe that got a lift. He got a tall had on wedges. Yeah, no, I didn't say that. Don't switch my words up like that. Wedges A wedge shoe is a mess. It is, but I'm aware it. But it is a mess because I'm thinking of I'm like, yo, I want something. I want to look taller, but I don't want to wear a heel. You gotta get a wedge or a platform. You know, maybe Q Tip was in a platform. I could be wrong. Don't quote me, y'all, don't quote me, and don't tag him, because y'all y'all

really be messy. But like you stand up the shoes full of dump, breathe and stop. Okay, you gotta stop. Okay. So, best thing that happened in Japan, best thing that happened in Japan. Oh, I don't know. That's crazy. The best thing that I happened in Japan. Yeah, we asked this question when you went to Morocco too. What was the best thing that I said happened to me in Morocco.

I didn't die when the camel kicked me off. I think when we walked, when we got to the top and we were like, oh my god, this is so fucking beautiful, and I'm with my friends. But you guys also were on mushrooms and then I didn't even know that. Oh, I was also on mushrooms in Tokyo, okay, so that maybe What did I do when I was on the shrooms and Tokyo? I don't remember where we went. I gotta check my phone. Oh we went to this exhibit called Team Lab huh, and it was like lights and

like projections and sound. You know that's my thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a good thing to do on shrooms. I can't there's a lot of kids there too. I was like, yuck, they're kind of blowing it. But there were some sober people there, and that I don't understand. How can you be not a child or not on shrooms and then you're here like that was weird? Oh? Because your mind it expands and for someone who has ADHD, all this

stuff is happening. So yes, I'm overstimulated. But then when I lock in, well, one thing on the wall, I'm in it, and I almost feel like I'm going into a different dimension. It's really cool. It was that. It was a lot of that. But after we left there, we were trying to get pizza up from this place. They're like, this is the best pizza place in Japan. You have to here, and of course they were closing.

Everything closed pretty early food wise. Yeah, So we went to this neighborhood that I was like, Oh, this place is open. It's on my list of places I want to try. Let's go there. We get there. At the cab, he like bye, they can leave you. They'd be like okay, you know, they don't wait for you to get in at all. No. I ordered the uber and the uber

dropped us off and was like later. And so we get there and there's this like little bar with people at the window, and you know, we're in the middle of a neighborhood that looked like it's not really nothing else going on. So we're going back and forth trying to find this place can't find it. There's a lady sitting at the bar who was watching us, and she's like, she's like, what are you looking for? And I was She's like the bar and I was like, no, we're

trying to find food. So she jump up. She's like, I'm from Brazil and I'm like, okay, I'm from New York. So she's running up and down the street trying to help us find a place to eat. Everything's closed. We get to this and the guy's like, yeah, the place you're looking for is the place where that lady is sitting. But they're not doing food no more. So I'm devastated. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. You know how

that goes. And there's a guy across the street at like a vegan place that was what God is just I can't that's hate speech a vegan place. So we're not even looking at why didn't I do that on my travel We're not even looking at the vegan spot vacation. Yeah. And the guy that was this guy that was like,

that's the place that you're trying to go to. He was like, well, you guys him come here, And I'm like, and you know, he's like, yeah, well, Marie, let's try it like it might be and I was like it's vegan and I'm like, what kind of food do you guys have here? He was like, I make pasta, we make whatever you want. And I'm like okay. So we go in and he's like, I'm like, can I see a menu? He's like, we don't have a menu. Well, hey, this is kind of cool. He's like what do you want?

I'm like, what do you make? And he was like anything? And I was like, this is I can't tell me I can order anything and not tell me what you're good at making. So I'm like what are you good at? And he was like everything? And I was like, so I said, I'm out. I like drink. Guy my has crashed. I'm not. I'm done answering questions now. So the guy I'm with is like, all right, we'll do this with a red sauce and we'll do it with this. And the guy's like great. He's like it's gonna take me

at least twenty minutes. And he's like, well, do you have wine? And he's like yes. I was like, bring us the wine, right, So he brings the wine he's like, oh, we don't have sobbing your blunk, but this is better. I'm like, whatever, whatever you got, we'll have. So we're drinking it and I'm calming down and it's smelling good. He's like, do you guys some more vegetables in it? I'm like, yes, whatever he's doing that. The wine is delicious, girl, the best wine I've ever had in my life. Really

it's vegan wine. No, I'm like, what is this so different? Nice crisp white Italian wine. So Japan in Japan, okay? And so he comes out, oh and he brings us this like soft garlic bread that mindu. I'm sitting there and I'm like, I think I hear the microwave. I said, I don't know what he's making, but the microwave just dinged, and you know, dudes like he's like, Marie just relaxed, like this could be like a really unforgettable night. And I'm like, I'm ready to be disappointed. What. I'm like,

we in this vegan place. This man is good at everything. There's no way it's gonna be good. Yeah. So it's a vegan that threw you off. But if it wasn't vegan, you would be all in. Well, when we got there, he was like, do y'all want me? Y'all want like a bowl and egg? Shut the fuck up? And he was like, I mean I could make whatever. That's what he meant. You can make whatever, But do you have whatever? The sign say vegan, but it wasn't vegan. No, girl,

I'm confused. I'm confused. Susion has has hit me. Girl. Anyway, we on our second glass of wine, the bread comes out. I'm like, that must be a special microwave because the bread don't microwave like this in as so it's not gluten free. No, okay, because all I'm thinking about is everything it's missing. No, the sign said vegan, but he was like, this is whatever you wanted to be. And so and it was raining outside and it's just me and this guy at this at this restaurant, downing wine. Bro.

You keep saying this guy, well, it's a guy, me and this man, gentleman. He keeps saying this this guy, my man, my travel buddy. And what you're talking about. You know who I was with Sydney. I'm talking. I'm here for the people. I notice, I'm here with the man. Oh I wouldn't say the man that's too No, I'm here with a German. You have to stop. So there was the you know, my uh my travel buddy Okay, sure, sure, sure, and the guy he brings the food out and it's good.

I'm also very hungry, but it's good. He's like, do y'all need more bread? Do y'all need this? He's he he hit it with the cheese. I'm like, the cheese is not vegan, but it doesn't matter. It was a lie. No I think it's vegan. Must mean something else in Tokyo. Did it say vegan in English? Vegan in English? You take a picture? You know, I don't think I did. Bitch as you the most taking picture, ass bitch, and you don't take a picture place gonna eat their sis?

You know what? Travel show shut down because this is a part of the show that you're supposed to be letting us know about. I'm telling you it's not vegan. So you know, I tell you where what it's across from? Okay, I know what it's what? So you took a picture across the street? No, no, no, no, we were trying to go across the street. That's the original destination. And then they said, no, we're not doing food no more, We're just doing drinks. Okay, let's get to the good part.

So what the people look like was there like attractive with like hotties, was booties out. Everybody's dress pretty conservative over there, like they be covered, but it's like flowy things. It's stuff that's like tailored to their body. It's like they don't really like to show their arms. It was sonny out. Everybody had a little parasol out in the sun. I'm like, ah, because the sun is good, but it's

all so bad. No, the sun is good. The sun is good, but it's not it's not amazing for your skin, right, And that's that's another reason why they've been like raising in the sun all the americanas. They stay sizzling, sizzling for eatas in the summertime. In the fall, whenever they can get a chance, they burn and burn and burn

and burning. And so whenever I see them ladies with the little umbrella, I said, you know what you got in, mama, And they got bangs because the banks is covering the forehead because they don't everybody doesn't have bangs at a lot of them be having banks. They're covering the forehead. Girl. They were dressed real cute. All the women stunning the men. What about was there black people? There were? There spareworth

some of black people there. And like when I was in Thailand, Like when I was in Thailand and I saw black people, I'd be like, hey black people, and they'd be like, hey, black girl. But in Tokyo it wasn't the same energy. I see people and like, you know, smile at them, and they'd be like, so, I don't know they I don't know where they're from. They might have been from New York. Hello, they must have been the other black some somewhere else. Has Tokyo entered the chat?

What the hell? No? No, no, that it's a universal thing. If you're a black person in another place and you see another black person, you give them the head nod and the smile, oh girl, whole conversations. Hey girl, would you be aware? But I will also say there's a lot of tourists in Tokyo, a lot, like it's like comparatible to being here, Like so it's time square, basically, it's times square. I don't I don't know if I'm vivving with that, but you don't. You don't have to

stay in those areas where it's that touristy. But I googled it because there was a lot about Tokyo that I didn't know about. They have a tower, a Tokyo Tower, and I was like, oh, that looks like an orange Eiffel tower. And I'll say it, but the Eiffle tower is bigger. And the person I was with was like, no, they they the same size, and I was like, no, the person it was with, that's the person I was with.

The description is killing these titles is like I keep saying the person I was with this continue to say the person that I was with. I'm trying to I'm this man, this man, the man, this person that I was with, travel buddy, anything else my emergency contact? Is that? So? Loll oh the switch up happened quick to that man to emergency contest. To be fair, he's not my emergency contact, is okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you know she's liable to pick up her phone. Oh yeah, no, she's good.

It's I mean charged, the bubble's gonna be green. But that's okay. But why would you be texting my emergency contact? You have to pick up the phone and close them. Marie, you to type the text in emergency contact like text if you had to, if you had to reach out to like my emergency contract would call them. I would call girl, it's an emergency. Who has time to be like, Hey, you don't know me, but sid hold on Sydney. First, well, you're not typing, you sitting, you sitting in a voice,

not oh yeah. If they don't pick up, I'm saying in a voice. No, hey, girl, you don't know me, but Sydney, what do you mean you don't know me? It would be Carolina, Carolina. Carolina is your emergeny contact. Yes, Carolina is your emergency Carolina is my emergency contact. Well, girl, you need to get a new emergency contact. Why. First of all, she's with child hold on now. Wait. Secondly, her phone be dead. That's a lie. Her phone be dead sometimes, girl, But during the day, and that's usually

when an emergency would happen for me. No, she'd be up, girl. Emergencies happen all the time. Like, na, an emergency for me is gonna happen during the day. I already put it out there in the universe. Any emergency that would happen if you're getting a call at eight am, friend, I hope you're sitting down, because that's when the emergency would be. That's what my d D is on eight am. That's why you're not my emergency contact. D and D.

You don't answer your phone and you don't answer text messages. Sydney, you have to get a new emergency. Come is about to have a baby. I know we're about to have her on a podcast. She's not gonna have time for this. We're about to have a She will make time for your emergency. Hell yeah, Carolina is her own emergency. She is not Hammaday is her emergency. Hey, we need to

It takes a village. And then in the I just want to put this out there to the mothers, to the mothers that are about to have kids already have yeah, keep saying that they still want to be in the mix, and you taking them off a list that hurts their heart. So she actually would be so distraught if I took her off my emergency contact. First of all, she don't have to know. It's not like she gets a notification, Hey, you have been removed as Sydney's emergency contact. Nobody knows

except you. Marie. You had one time to be emergency contact, and you picked up and said, hey girl, I'm at my job. Y'all playing too much and then hung up, So you can't be an emergency What was I supposed to zoo? I don't know, friend, but not answer like that. And that's mass you're listen, that's mass. Sydney Carolina was your emergency contact. Wait, I got the call from Carolina. Yes, and she also didn't help you. You were second on the list,

but she also didn't help you in that time. What do you mean Carolina do for you in that emergency? She got on her plane and left. I can't wait for her to get back here on the pod because she has to clear her name. Because she did what she could do. She did more than you. You hung up on her. I was at work. I literally I was on camera. I was like, girl, we live. I'm not from New York. I'm at work. Mess Marie being emergency contact, Listen, I am not available to be an

emergency contact during the day. I'm a nighttime emergency contact. I'm a night owl. Wait are you are you your sister's emergency contact? Probably? I actually don't I don't know should I call her? Why? She also got a hot time for you? She's at work. You know what, Whenever I call your sister she does pick up. I don't call her often, but when I do, she'll pick up your hand. That's why if you're calling my sister, she's like, something must have happened. Oh my god, you think no,

she said, oh what's this? But also you cool? If you call her, she's like, hey girl, yes, Like if you were like a nerd, she'd be like, that's'm gonna set up to voice man Ury. When are you gonna work on being the emergency contact? How about that? I have to work on being an emergency context? Absolutely what I gotta go to the gym for that? How do I? I gotta practice picking up the phone on the third

before the third ring? What does that mean? Guys, if you're listening to this, I need you to put in the comments things to be an emergency Like, how do you be an emergency contact? I gotta have a go bag ready to go. Well, first of all, you gotta have bail money. Do you got that? Sure? They take car? Apple pay for you? You? You like, hey, I got the car? Can I can? I swipe my phone. Absolutely, do they take Apple pay at the jail, at the

at the hospital. Oh, at the hospital. Now, now you know what, Honestly, we can count on you to make a video. You'll make a video. But if there's comments, like if they're time constraints, you're gonna turn the video in late. So if we're making a we are the world, there comes a time when we heat a certain call out there in the world must come together as one. I'm there for we all the world. We're making money for this cause my friend needs knew whatever. Sure, all right,

I'm there for that. If we're doing a benefit show, I'll be there. You're showing up late, Oh yeah, but I'm showing up. I'm gonna be great when I get you light and great. Hey, as we all know, my friend got hit by a moped, Oh my god, and the show is here to raise money. I would be so lucky to get hit by a mopeg because that then like there's not too much damages, you know what I'm saying, Like I'll be up in the hospital for

like a week or so and then were good. I mean, remember we know that that comedian got hit by a train. You can get hit. I think the train ran her over. Was her name Lisa, Yes, Lisa yeah, yes, And there was like all these people did stuff to raise money for her, and YadA, YadA, YadA, and she's you know, she's she's alive and well and walked in. She got it. She got a page on Instagram. It's like for the Gaze and she's, yeah, for the Gaze. It's not called for the Gaze. But I think her name is Lisa

Die or Lisa Day or something. But she she got a she has a really funny lesbian like gay page. Oh she's a lesbian and she yeah, she tags sometimes. She has tagged me and stuff and like, you know, people that I've dated and whatnot. Like she she's in the mix, right and they took care of her. The community stepped up and took care of it. Did. But that was at a different time. We're in recession number what dose. Yeah, but people still donating to gofundmees money.

Hold on, let's talk about the biggest mess of this freaking month. Okay. A white woman called a young black boy the inn word hard er several times, and then she decided to make a GoFundMe or whatever she's had a million right now, where raised a million dollars? Because she was like, now I have to move out of my neighborhood because I'm where did she call this black boy on a playground on a playground, on the playground, because allegedly he's a four year old or five year

old took like his her son's toy or something. That's what kids do. They take toy. Her son's toy got took and she called this kid that word. Yeah, and she said she said, if he wasn't acting like one, I wouldn't call him that. And then she the guy who had her on camera was saying stuff to her and I don't think he was black, and she called him the N word as well. She said, she said, you could get it too hard, yar. It was crazy. And I don't even think she was an American. I think

she was like like Russian or something like that. Oh not a mail order racist, stop it? Yeah? What are oh my god? Yeah? Crazy? Yeah? And she she lost her job. I don't even think she had a job, tea. And now she has a million million. So now I need one of my good whites to step in and pull a stump like that. Get the money and then give it to us that might that might be our side hustle. We need a good white that's ready to turn into a bad white to get us a million dollars.

Then we flip it right right is crazy we say flip it, we mean we flip it into our accounts and then maybe we give you a little something on a sign. No, no, no, this is money that we have to like invest into things. Remember when we said we'd go back in time and I said, I would, you know, not get my boobs. This is the thing where like if we if I'm going forward and this happens, I will put my money into like crypto or something that like you know bitcoin something heard you? Yeah? Okay?

And we are we going to open up a small shops a business something you know we can invent in the last business, yes, yes, or or we could be the business that if somebody called your child the inWORD, we raise money to get that person, uh thrown out of the community. Okay, So we the Al Sharpton go fundme ye no, no, no, we are hmm, I might need to take this back to the lab, but oh no, no, no, we're the business that shuts down the GoFundMe for the

racist and we take their money. Whatever money they raise, we take it. Okay, yeah, we confiscate, We confiscate. Yeah, that's our business. Yeah, are you in? You know, I'm gonna wait to the and bitch, yes and yes. But that's where the improv doesn't work. You gotta say yes and bitch. That's what you gotta say. No, yeah, no, but bitch, yeah, yes, but bitch. That's the new that's the remix o. Can we put that as the title?

Can bitch be in the title? Okay, we got to run this by Okay, Sidney, what have you been doing the ten days that I was gone? Let's talk? Oh god, yeah, well I was in vegan not vegan pasta at eleven pm? What were you doing? I started medication again, like a higher dose and just going through it, just sitting in the bed, like, Lord Jesus, what have I done it? Maybe I should have sent one of those chain letters. Maybe you know, I broke a mirror and this is

still on the crack. I didn't break my mother's back, I broke my soul. I'm cursed. R oh, curse, that's how it feels. Maybe did a black cat run by you when you are seven. You know, I get black cats. I love black maybe Touxedo cats. They had little socks on it. You know, you're right. But my first cat, Albert, was all black. Albert Albert. I've never met an Albert that was even an all black cat. And he did not like my sister, and he did not like my knees.

And now how are their lives going? Oh? Bad? Okay? Albert Albert was Albert the reason. Yeah, black cats are bad luck. I don't like that. I take that back. Why I'm a black cat. You have a black cat. She's kind of salt and pepper right now. But yeah, I'm we're getting waxes after this appointments for what's that place? No, the other one unique wax. Oh that's where we went the first time we got wax. Yeah that he was in their screaming. Yeah, I was doing the most. Everybody

was like getting their wax being quiet. And then okay, so your first wax, that was the first time you got first. Your first wax was my second wax. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't get easy. I thought it was our both for our first time. But I know I went. I think I went one time before you, because the way you were screaming. I was like, I don't remember being that loud the first time I went. But you know I have a small throat. Did that man say that hello loud? So you've been in the bed for ten days? Uh,

pretty much. I couldn't do anything. I've been like, yeah, it's been rough. I was like holding on a dear life. So what do you mean you can't do an? It like you don't want you to sleepy. I'm not leavy. I can't form a sentence. I like, will wake up and then I'm like I'll you know, scroll on TikTok for a little bit and then go back to sleep and then wake up. And then I mean, is the

dose too high? No, It's just like this is how it is every time I start a new dose, every time I start something new, my body has to recalibrate or whatever the fuck it is. And I'm like, I'm so tired of it. It's so annoying and it like ruins everything. And I remember last week I was like, Okay, if this doesn't work, I think I was just I'll just get off medication because I can't. This is this is like my life. I said, what did I Lord, what did I do? Tell me? Is it because I'm gay?

It's Albert Sis. I'm telling it's not the black cat. It might be the gay. I'm I feel like it's one and maybe it's double time. Maybe it's black cat and gay. It could be that, because I do see the gazes out here doing pretty well, some of them, not not all y'all. So a lot of them, a lot of them are thriving well. Not this year. This

is a bad year for gays. It's some gays doing great, yes, yes, but as a whole, as a community, as a community, I would say, no, all right, listen, I'm I'm gonna let you have that, even though I don't agree with that. But instead of completely going off your meds, why not just go down a little bit in dose. I could do that, But it's like then I was I like did a show on Sunday and I was on stage talking about, you know, the brain fog, the feeling like out of body, like sad or, and so this other

guy he's like, oh, that happened to me. I had to take another medication to like even everything out, And it's like all these damn pills I'm already taking two pills. Then I got vitamins, then I got dressed. A second pill. Uh well, one pill is like a certain amount, and then another pill is a smaller dose. They got they got you doing mad? Maybe cut a small one in half. No, you can't cut, you know, because it's it's like time release. Yeah,

it's foolish. All of it is like, oh my god, like all of this just to be like mentally stable, to like have a conversation outside, this is fucking whack. Yeah, all this to be mentally stable and you have a conversation with somebody who is not mentally stable. This is true.

A lot of us be doing the work, and then we got to go back out there and then talk to the people that's unhinged, not doing it and not medicated, in a mess and when they look like they thriving, having a good time, and I'm like, so what what what what do I have to do? Because I'm sober. I'm sober. I gave up the dick. I'm not out there running the streets, you know, I'm trying to pay things off. I'm trying to be that person. I'm trying. I'm trying, God, but it looked like everything I was

doing better when I was bad. That's what I now. You said a bunch of things that you did and you gave up. Maybe you gotta re pick up the dick. Excuse me. That is the craziest thing that you said on the podcast. You gave it in many years. You said you're sober and you gave up the dick. I can I believe you said that. Marie, you have you now you now you need to run this by lydia. Ooh what you just said to me? What pick up the dick? That's a crazy thing to say to your

very upper case L friend. Well you you know you said you you said it first, you legit said maybe it's the gay. It was the gay. Yeah, But just because I blame it on the gay, that don't mean I'm gonna give it up. No, obviously you're you you know, gay to the bone. Yeah. But now if if, if, you know, the angel of whatever came down and was like, hey, you gonna have the life of your dreams. Everything you want, will have the money that you deserve, you will get

your edges. Is gonna feel like everything they said, everything you want you're gonna get. But you gotta give up the gay. Would you do that? This feels homophobic, this hypothetical, And no, I would not now ask me the question. No, I'm not going to ask you the I would be gay. No,

you wouldn't. If if somebody was like, listen, everything that you want in your life, you're gonna get it, but you gotta be lesbian, i'd be like your first day as a lesbian, you would be like, actually, you know what, I guess I'm gonna be homeless because you would not know what to do. I still don't know. Somebody would give you all of the feelings all at once and talking all the time and want to be on top of you and being like, let's hold hands, PDA, let's

let's have that now. I have that now, and it's interesting, it's very interesting. Yeah, we're gonna have to do a Patreon because this is crazy. You're really tight lipped, and I like this for you. Actually I support this. Transparency is off the table, y'all. I just want let y'all know we're not telling our business no more. We're gonna give you everything around the business, but you ain't getting a business. Let me tell you why I'm not telling

my business. This person that I'm talking to has people who listens to this podcast. We actually and they have this, and they have multiple times hit them up and been like, hey, did you see what she said? Have you seen this? Are you talking to her? Or or flat out set him the episode? So well, can he hear? Can he hear? Can't he hear? He's in the room with us right now? Is the Hills have eyes? This is yeah. So I said, I'm not gonna talk about you on the podcast anymore.

I like them, And he was like, you don't have to do that. I'm just never gonna listen. And I said, you said that before you listened, and you listen. We're not here to uplift straight men. No, we don't want to feature them. I mean we have, but we we don't want to. It's against our will. Actually, it's hands a time. I mean they tell us, they send us the update, they say, hey, we're gonna straight man like you know, but we do it, you know jumps here,

yeah every time. And then every time we get messages like, hey, I don't know about these straight men And I said, I say the same things, the same thing, But we're trying to diversify our portfolio whatever. Also, we've had good straight song we don't have, you know, the bad ones on Hey, and I just want to put this on the table. I will not vouch for any straight man ever. If they said they did it, they did it. That's what it is. I'm saying that. I'm saying on the record,

what y'all say about that man. I don't know that man. I don't know him, but he was on mess I don't remember that. They can show me a picture of us on the pod with that man, I'm like, I don't know him and me and that was a I generated that's a deep fake. Yep. Absolutely, I don't even look like that. Who is that woman? She wished she could be me? Her wig is cooked at all. I don't know her. Yeah, mine is straight. Uh huh. I don't wear a fake hair.

it's confirm the payment. You know. The worst thing that happened to me, the worst thing that happened to me. I should have brought I should have brought them to the pod. Maybe you would have bought them off of me. I bought these cool ass jeans. I've been waiting for them for weeks. Weeks weeks weeks, weeks, weeks weeks. Ask me if they fit me, booty, too big, everything. It's crazy, like they're so cool, so mad. So the return policy non existent. It really took like a month for them

to get here. Well, they can wait a month to get them back. No, I want them now, I need them now. I don't have time for this shit. The world is ending. I need my pants today from my end of the world. Pant. You saying multiple things right now, okay, right, you're talking about the recession and how money's la da da da, But then you also talk about the world is ending. Yes, so blow all the money because it's ending, or save all the money because it's a recession. What

you're trying to do. Let me ask you. If they're like it is, you know, apocalypse or whatever, would you try to survive or you would just be like, take me now, Lord, take me to the key. Well, what's the apocalypse? Is it bombs? Is it? Is it zombies? Is it aliens? It depends aliens? Vampires? Oh, spiritual warfare? Sinners? Sinners? Yeah, oh okay, I'm saying in the house for sure. I'm definitely not gonna be like, come get me mother, like I'm not. I'm not doing that. I'm not come on in.

You Just see Sinners. I did. Finally. It was so fucking good. I want to watch it again. It was okay, let's go see. It was amazing. Yeah, it's great. Michael B. Jordan he did that. He used to really it all at the acting throughout for everybody. I was. Let me just say this, I went into that movie blind. I didn't watch no trailers. I don't know what it was about. I was like sinners. It sounded like maybe like a Mormon like a church thing. I don't know. The movie started,

I was like slaves. I said, oh, I'm not gonna like this at all. And then I'm watching it a little bit longer, and I'm like, twins, you know, I can't. I saw the cotton. I almost flipped the fucking chairs. I said, hey, hey, we don't need this no more. I don't. I don't want to see none of that shit. I don't want to see the plantation. Nope. I don't want to see the house. Nope. I don't want to see massive. I don't want if I. Every time I see that in the movie, a little bit of me

dies and I'm already dead inside. Oh. I was pissed. And then I was like, and you know who? I was sitting next to the Connors. There was a Matthew and John. I was in Williamsburg. So they was all lined up just watching. Then then one guy, he fidgured in. He came in late, and I said the nerve and he was in his business slacks. I said, it's Saturday, sir, Like, do you look crazy a business slack? He had on J Crew to watch Sinners. I said he probably had no idea, and then he was on his Apple Watch

the whole time. Excuse me, he was on app breson. I said, hey, do you need to take that meeting out there? Because we're watching this right now. This is historical. This is a historical moment right now for Coogler and them. Yeah, Coogler and Coogler and them. I was very upset. And then there was like two I think there was LGBTQ people and behind us just what they were talking about girl the movie or their sleep. It was giving a little bit of you, a little bit of mina, a

little bit of me. Oh now you got a dose your own, minister. Sinners fucked up. It was fucked up. I was so mad and I could not turn around and be like, hey, can y'all shut up? Because I said, honestly, you as me, I as you like, I said, I have to give I have to give them graces as I would want somebody to give me. Grand Well, that's the wrong way to see sinners. You've got to see sinners with black people, you know, well, like maybe a couple of beige scattered them out amongst us. But I

saw it in uh. I saw it on the Lower East Side, and you know it was it was black people all up and through there, and stuff would happen and you would hear somebody every once in a while and be like, oh, uh uh, now she knows she wrong for that. Like it was a lot of that, but also we laughed at all the same stuff, and I don't know, it was a pleasant viewing experience and I definitely want to see the movie again. The people behind me, I like, if I was with them, I

might've been having a good time. But just hearing them in the back because the one guy was like Michael being Jordan, he could I'll take stack and I'll take stack in smoke too too, Like they were saying they were being nasty. It was like, sir, like we watching a movie. You gotta get that outside. It was given Freaky Friday, and he was trying to get freaky with smoke instead. Yo. When she was jeweling, she was like, you want some and the guy was like absolutely not

behind are you out to shut the fuck up? Nah? You say it seems like you watched the movie with a little extra season. And I did not ask for that, but you know, I took it. I took it, and I said, you know what, it's all about accepting people for who they are, and we want people to accept us. So I accepted them. But did I want to get up and turn around and say Hey, we're not in your fucking house. I wanted to say that, but I said, you know what, my ancestors said, take a seat and

let them be. Yeah, I've decided that I want to do that. I want to host the movie night, like in a theater or something, if possible, and talk through it. I want to host the night. We can pick the movie, invite some of my like funny chatty friends, and I mean only I would have maybe a microphone. Everybody else would just use their diaphragm and while we watched, we would I just the commentary throughout. That's what That's what

why Sanac does. Does he still do that? I feel like once in a while, right right, well, I'm here to pick that up. Do you know where he was doing it? At Nighthawk? Okay, okay, night Hire, Night Hawk, Night Hawk. Yeah, the one in Williamsburg. Yeah, it was cute, but like you know, obviously you would have a different spin on it. And so did you go, I did it? You did it? Yeah, it's a it's a comedy show.

It's yeah, it's basically like it would be me him and Witten Don will and we would but it was it's like old old ass movies like black Exploitation movie. It wasn't like of this time, so a lot of random stuff that's happening there. You're like, yo, this is unnecessary, like what are we doing here? And then Max Witterd did another show like that and it was pretty cool. It was actually a small space that would be that

you would like as well. It was like a little small but like four of us did it and then we would each have sections and then we would stop and then we would say shit in between, and it was good. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to do it. I would like to to get this organized and do at least one for the summer and then maybe do another one if it goes well. But yeah, somebody sent me. They were like, you gotta go to this black owned theater in New York. And I was like,

well they already, they already got people talking. They don't really need me there. But I'm gonna shoot a message and see if I can make a what is it called Stewart Cinema something like that. Okay, I've never heard of it, but I think it might be a cool way to sit in some ac and like spend two hours of our lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm down with that. Yeah. Wait do we have any messages? Oh all right, yeah, we've been holding y'all hostage for I don't even know

how long this episode has been. This person say keep me anonymous, pleasing? No, why would we do that? This is we do that? Okay, it says pop a nap Puss for Beyonce. Already we in we locked in love it living. Hi Marie and Sydney, longtime listeners since Unofficial Expert Days. So so happy you guys are back with mass You two are hilarious and I live seeing my fellow black women wending yay, y'all deserve to be way

more famous. AnyWho? Okay, period, here's my mess There's this man who has his own car washing and detailing business, and he washed his cars in the parking lot complex of my job. Okay, how you got a business? Cs CEO. He always waves and comes over to say hello, and eventually began to ask me out on a date. But I never really paid him any mind, because one, I'm on the way into work and it's hot out here even in the am I live in Miami, and two I don't know you and I'm not attracted to you,

no shade lolol. This went on for about four months. So about three months ago, he noticed how the whole front bumper of my car was missing. Okay, bitch, how wait how he noticed your whole bumper was missing? But you did? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she said. He happened to notice, does the hill have eyes? How do you not see? How? How did you not see that? Okay? He asked me if I needed help finding someone to get it fixed for me. I said yes, and within

a week I had a brand new bumper on the car. Okay, love bump up baby. He asked me out again, and I was still kind of giving him the run around. See this is what's wrong with y'all ladies. Now, Okay, a good man come around giving you a bumper, and you're like, let me see what else is out there? Anyway, fast forward to three weeks later, he noticed one of my tires is super low on air girl, and before the day is up, he came back with a new

tire put it on for me. Three days later, I see him in the lot and I say, you know what, hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah. He's doing more for what some of these Miami hop boys are doing, so let me see what's up. Had my first day with him this Saturday. He let me give y'all a visual. He's dark skin, okay. Top five teeth are gold. Oh, missing a side tooth on the top. Okay, since you should have started with this because this is why you

weren't talking to him. Wait, no, she wasn't talking him because he was watching cars in the parking lot of her job. No, but the first top five teeth are gold and missing a side tooth that means they're all gold, and then then one right after it is a space, and then his regular teeth start. That's crazy. Bottom five teeth are grills too, but just go outlines of the teeth. He straight up Florida hood born and raised, did time in prison, x Y and z yo. So but but

huh did get your bumper within a week? Well, he was doing that in the pen working on car. Never mind, So he took me for a seafood boil. Okay, I'm in there with the crab legs that go extra growling. Butters have me meet some of his family and drove me around the hood all day. Oh okay, but I had a good time knock gonna lie because he got me Hella weed to take home. Oh we little girl

for you go bag. Oh you around the way, girl, don't try to act off bougie and shit, you know you like all of this, girl, I'm not hearing bougie. The tire was flat, the bumper was exactly and you like your hennessy, so stop it. I wanted to test something, so before the night was up, I let him know my birthday was coming up in about a week. He said, well, I gotta get you something, don't I What do you want? And I said, well, laughing, I would really love to

see Beyonce in Houston. He said, yeah, I think I can handle that. Bitch. I wanted to go to Cowboy Carter Door and I said, I was going to go somehow someway, even though I didn't know how I was gonna pay for it. And look at God. Now here's the thing. I'm not. I'm not all that attracted to him. But he's really nice and he's not hideous. But not that good looking either. That's a conundrum right there. It's not you, not really explained to me, not really that

good looking either. So he medium ugly because hideous is worse than ugly. Yeah, so he medium ugly? Okay, I really will I continue. I really wish IA would include photos all. Hold on now. Oh, he told me today to look at the prices and let him know. I looked up those prices on Ticketmaster and stuff Hub, and I said, baby, I'm absolutely gonna have to pop this pussy if he buys these tickets and flies us out to Houston for a long weekend. But I really really

want to see Beyonce. I missed Renaissance, and I refuse to miss this. Is this mess? Are just living? Love, y'all? Here's the pick of me. I know how important picks are to y'all, but there's no pick of him. Sis. You are cute, Q, You're really really cute. You're yeah, you deserve sis. So a man that's not that cute, but not ugly. No, no, no, no, not hideous. He's not hideous. There's a difference. Yeah, okay, so, uh sh medium ugly dude wants to take you out of town for Cowboy Carder.

You're gonna have to pop some pete. Is that mess or just living? I'm gonna say it's just living. Here's a living I think it's just living. But here's what the first of all, don't give don't pop the p until you get to Houston. Pop it in Houston and hid after the show. Pop it at before the show, because you gotta get there. You gotta see what seed

shot getting. Because like, if you get all the way there and you buy, but I'm gonna see that, you gotta send me the tickets and all that information, the confirmation before I before I go to Houston. Baby, Yeah, you're right right. Here's where the messy part of this is. Well, it's a messy She ain't had a bumper. Here's the messy. Well, his teeth is the bumper. Okay, there it is both the missing grill. Okay, here's the messiest part of the whole situation. You don't like this man, but you he

is at the job. You have to see this, this, that, that holy smile every time you go to work. Are you planning on leaving the job? Like it's not you. It's gonna be impossible to dodge this dude. If you don't, if you don't want to do this with him, after you get back, he's gonna see you every day. Hey, are you dodging Dick or dodging Beyonce. It's one or the other. Either you dodging Dick or are you dodging a diva? That's what there it is. He ain't no diva.

What what you're gonna do? What would you do? These hips? Then this and nine? But mine? I don't know. Back in the day, I mean I pop p for less, So yeah, let's go. If it's a good time. What what's what's the problem hop p for be? You're you're you're you're young. I mean she looks young, she's living her life. I think she should like hang out with him more before she goes to Beyonce. I do think that. Like, but my this problem is is that you hang out

with him right then you really don't like him. Then you gotta go to Houston have a good time, and then really not want to give it up. Yeah we got we needed this escape plan out of the situation. Like can he send you to Beyonce and then you never see him again? Like if he if he sends you to Beyonce, can you like, actually, girl, girl who looks like doing that? Oh? If you want to go here, you go have fun. Bring whoever you want. She didn't

want to bring herself. So so solo trip. Hey, girl, I got you the tickets halfnay Houston or he goes to he said, we don't, he doesn't come to the show. He's there, but he not there. My girl was like, oh, you know what I mean, because I was telling her. I was like, you know, because you know, I wasn't with my friends on my my birthday and uh you know they probably felt away about that. She's said, well, you could have. You could have gone to Brazil with

with the with your friends. I would have paid for it. I said, get the fuck out of here, get the hell you. Then why didn't you say that?

Like you describe what his teeth and stuff look like. Is this somebody that you want to kiss that he's gonna need a he's gonna have to sleep in mouth wash? Well, we just we don't know what his breath is given or no, his teeth look like. We just know he's missing one and the rest are gold. Hey, where's the missing tooth? There's probably ginger vitis. There's a lot of things is wrong, I'm sure. And you're wearing grills. Oh hell no, there's no way it there's no way it

tastes good. She's gonna be sucking on pennies ooh and what else? Pennies and pen I don't know, girl, I think. But the thing is, it's like you should hang out with him one more time before you all go to Beyonce, but like, keep it light, keep it cute, don't hook up obviously, try to avoid that, and then get to Houston. Have a good time, give it up if you want to. If you don't, then they'd be like, yo, thank you for Beyonce, but I'm good, and make sure you have

enough money to if he like, cancel shit. Cancel a hotel, all that stuff you could, you could get out. Yeah, that's a good plan. And also, maybe do you have any friends in Houston, because you got to have a friend. You got to have somebody with like just in case something go down, a backup like emergency contact. Yeah, if you can, maybe get on hinge change your location to Houston, so then if anything goes up, you already got something lined up that weekend. That's mess Okay, change your location

to Houston Hinge. Uh huh, I'm not mad at it. I'm really not love wow. All right, Well, keep on sending us your mess and thank you. I appreciate you sending us a photo, but I really wanted to picture if you can, if you could just send us an email of that man and then also let us know about how Houston goes if you go with him. Okay, yep. And this is messy because he might be listening to mess Okay, because somebody, this is what he listens to

when he's back there detailing cards. And that's definitely our demo. Somebody who got some girls dark skin missing aside tooth Hey, cousin, that's what you mean, that's our demo. That's not relative is cute, very very cute. I put that on them. Hey, cousin a cousin the teeths oh god, old one. Well frank me. Anyway, don't forget to keep sending us your mess and uh, if you have any opinions on anything that you heard today, share it. Yes. We love when you,

you know, comment on Spotify and you know reviews. We you know we have one bad review. Oh what is this? I'll read it at the next the next episode. Actually, okay, Well come back to mess so you can. You know you're the bad one here, the bad one. Bye. Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Foston is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts. Created and

hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Foston. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Hans Sonny, super produced by Becca Ramos, edited a mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at Mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call for your messages to be played at seven six three two eight zero six five eight eight