Forever.
Yes, yes, baby, Oh my god, Marie, when are we gonna get a theme song?
Just imagining we could take dougs. It's so good. Though, the other day, I was at a show and I called. I was like, I know, I look like a cartoon character. I looked like Doug and everybody laughed, and I was like, actually, Skeeter, because we all know that was the nigga owned the show.
Yes, Skeeter, that's what I look like, but you're really Roger because you're.
Remember when you were Roger last year for Halloween. Oh that was like epic. I literally I want to let y'all know. I walked in to the house and they roasted me for two and a half hours, the entire time, the whole time, Like even people who were like that Nigga's roasting right now. Yeah, the nicest people ever. Sidney came in in the ashiest green face. You know what for this episode, I think I'm gonna throw that up.
I'm a TVT Sydney as Roger. She painted herself green and put on just the saddest wig and the saddest kiddy.
And then y'all kept going on Google and searching who I look like and you were like, I look like young.
Yo, and you're like, it's going down. I have the video of that, and I cried, so yo, Sidney, you looked so wild, and you were like, You're like, well, I did this for y'all. You know, when when I get out of this costume, I'm still fine, Yeah, y'all still won't be ugly. I was like, wow, yo. People were walking by me like they didn't even know me, and I was just like, excuse me, and they're like, oh, Sydney, you don't look like Sidney looked like the jolly green Giant.
Like she looked like the dude on the can of peas.
Yeah, I look like the Masks, Kermit the Frog, everything with a orange wig. It just was so tragic. But I did that for the team.
You did that for uses.
No, I did it.
You know.
When I bought that wig, I was like, oh, I'm definitely doing this.
See first of all, when you saw the wig, you bought the wag before you bought the pain. Yeah, when you bought the way, you didn't think, oh, this is not gonna this is not gonna be good at all.
I was like, Yo, I'm gonna kill this fuck I'm gonna be the best dress in that bitch, I said, I dare you. I was just like, this is it because every Halloween I'm like I want to look hot. Yeah, and Halloween is approaching us and I'm just like, oh.
They already got the Halloween candy out. Yes, yeah, I saw it, and I was like, we got a whole fucking month. But it's complete.
It's a completely transformative event for people because some people just don't want to be themselves anyway.
Okay, so we hate you too, m.
H and and I think that Halloween should be the best day to go on a date because it's like yes, because it's like, well, this is the person you're not gonna get anyway, Like if you go on to if you go on a date, you're not getting the real them anyway.
You might get somebody dressed up on a date with a man in a costume. That's not what my ministry is.
What I'm telling you, you should try it.
I bet you tender hinge. He thought, Oh it's gonna be you should try it just this this Halloween. Yeah, if I don't have anything else to do on Halloween this year, I'll go on a date.
Sydney on no, no, no, no, or tell the date. Yo, I'm gonna be at this party.
Come through. I feel like I don't want to be on a first date at a party. Oh well why am I?
Assuming it's the first day. Maybe it'll be a second day. Yeah, you never know. I think it's fun. And it's like it's like fifty shades of Halloween, you know.
I mean, I don't know. Last year was cute. Everybody was on like a little bit of Molly on Halloween. You know, everybody was fucked up a little bit of Molly. This guy, uh thank you. So we were at our friend Lisa Treyor's house, yeah, and she was like she was like, yeah, I paid, I bought a bunch of drowses, blah blah blah. Everybody like help have a good time. And me and Amina were like drugs. What these white people talking about? And it was Molly? And I was like, oh,
they giving away Molly. Wow, they doing really well. But then the person you were right then, the person that we were trying to get this Molly from, was like, uh, he was like yeah, so it's gonna be uh however much money, it's gonna be eighty or what each and we were like each we thought that this was already we thought it was open bar his party favors. I thought this was in a mouse boosh for the fat what. So we were like, ah, neither of us have cash on us, and he was like, we'll figure it out,
and he like, just gave it. It's still on that money. It's not coming anyway. So for Halloween this year, which would you think it costume wise?
Oh, I'm doing anything euphoria like, I'm just gonna have like.
Damn, you are a little with that show.
I love like Ryan Stones, crazy eyelids, like I just want to do I want to be Maddie again.
It's so hot. Okay, I mean she's the Latin one. I only made it to the first episode. So was she in the first episode? Yes, she was, Okay, she one of the friends. Yes, got it, got it, got it, got it? Got it? Cool? Cool cool cool cool yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes yes. For Halloween once we were each other, remember yes, we were were an afro wig and I wore a straight bob wig. Yeah. And you're like, so I'm gay, Hey, guys, I'm gay And I only did
a little bit of kenemine today. Sydney was like, look at me, I'm buff and it was very aggressive. He was mean about it, and I was like, well, I didn't know we was roasting each other night. I didn't prepare no materiality, No city did not. I was like, yes, no, no. I was like, yo, straight up, but do you remember that night you was ready? I think you were a little mad. I was like, wow, I think you were a little Sydney. You caught me off guard the stuff
that you were saying. I was like saying, wow.
I was like, look at that white man in them dusty ass flip flops.
I mean that is my brain. But like still, I was like I thought we were just, you know, trying to be cute and funny about it. But anyway, I was white. I was. It was a little a little bit hurt ful. Friend, what I shed one Haitian tears? Oh that's a lie, said he was on stage, like look at me, like I'm drying. I got no job, I ain't got no mail. I also don't have no feelings. I was like, wow, I mean you're yo, you are acting And I was like something like look at my head.
I hope I book something you were an actress. I never said any of that. You was going, you're a god damn lie. It was because I remember after you got off stage. I was like why and you were like, uh so that's what was the best doing. And I was like you, I'm crying my eyes.
I never said that you have no man, and.
You were like, look at me. I ain't got no man and I ain't got no job. She was like Vice Live, and she was like, more like Vice Dad. I was like to see she was like, what what died faster Ifvice Live top shot? I was like, wow, you know, I dare you.
Okay, so we're doing I don't think So Honey tonight, which you know, you guys won't know about until this comes out, but this will be a two weeks after. But I dare you to say. I don't think so Honey, Vice Live.
Nobody's gonna know what that. I can't even you know, that's not it. I don't think So Honey is all about like the culture, right, the culture doesn't care about Vice Live. So you know what, I'm crying my eyes out right now.
Yo, for read the lines that you'd be making up. Nigga, you're the unofficial expert of storytelling.
That's what you do. Oh well, okay, let's talk about this. So on Tuesday, I'm supposed to do a storytelling show and I don't know what story I should do? What storytelling?
Joys it at the Jane, it's Michael. What's yes?
Yes? Yes, so you've done the show. Yes, it's cool. Do you remember what story you told? Yes?
I told the story about burning my house down. I thought that that was the story that you might have told it because he kept saying, like, it doesn't need to be funny. Actually I look forward to like it not being that funny. And I was like, you know, one girl was telling her story about her boyfriend that killed himself.
I was like, man, this is like.
Heavy shit heavy it is. It was a lot, But I mean, sis, you got so many stories.
I know, But what story am I going to tell? That's a ten minute story?
I think you just tell the story about your that funeral, that funeral, the funeral that the one day.
But that's not a No, that was such a good story. Wait wait can you tell them? Tell them the story? So my grandma died a couple of years ago. That's the story. Sidney's like, please tell them what happened. So my my family, you know, they re Haitian, and everyone was giving their long ass eulogies or you know whatever, reading from Psalms. My dad had a suito with shoulder
pads when he was like he was killing it. And uh, they wheel out a little keyboard and this Haitian guy who used to be my cousin's bus driver is performing, and I was like, okay, they just booked. It's like an ever show, right, it's a variety show, right. And the guy is standing there and he looks at the pianist and he's like minor, like saying played in c minor and the dude at the like, what we didn't rehearse this? It was like I don't even know you, Carl.
And so the guy starts singing and he's like at a time sweet like he's singing the song and he's like whay he like so high. I know it was so high and so bad and so shaky. Me my brother, my cousin's trying not to laugh out loud behind my mom because she's crying. Her mom is dead right. We're like we're like minor, minor city that's not a ten minute story anyway, this guy saying, uh, and it was terrible, but really he bought the family closer together.
I think because they were laughing. They're coming together through like comic relief. He was.
It was so bad, Like it was like if they paid me to if they hired me to sing, if.
They had hey, hey, hey, don't you put me in there.
There's terrible sing sing two lines of your favorite song. Right now. You think I'm young, but I'm ready. Let's get into it. So we went to Miami. We just got back.
Let's talk about the Majammi trip because because the people want to know.
Okay, okay, so boom.
First of all, Amina, Marie and Carolina get to Miami before me, because what was I doing working for.
The man every night and day? So she was a coming Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's me working for the white man. Anyway. So you guys are already at the house. And yeah, we got there at like three pm.
Three pm, and we were staying at a friend of a friend's.
Okay, so a friend of a friend's place.
Wait, hold on, I'm looking at you. I'm looking at myself.
I'm looking at you and looking at me, and you know what to say, knew me reflective. Yes, I got a birthday coming out. Yes, I'm looking at that just passed. Okay, look it's on the beach. It's right on South Beach. We don't have to pay for anything.
Location. Location Okay, Okay.
That's all that matters. Real Housewives of Miami. Yes. So we get there and it's like a studio. Yeah, and we're like, oh, did did did they know it was going to be four of us? The answer, well, originally it was three of us. Well, I mean we all slept in the same yeah, Sydney. So Sydney was like, I want to sleep with you guys. Anyway, So the
apartment was cute. It it's it was small. It was like all the hoods not a hood, but like it felt very spring break college to me, Like it felt like, oh, look how young and poor we all are college.
If everybody coming out of it was at least thirty five, No, I'm who's thirty five?
Who are talking? I'm talking about the people who are coming out of the building. Yeah, there was a bunch of like, there was some families in there doing real bad. It was like a motel, but like on the beach that like people rent when they're in Miami. Right, there was a dude that we met because we was doing laundry. There was a dude that we met in the laundry room who lived there, and we were like, well that's unfortunate. We were like poor fortunate souls. Right. So anyway, so
that happened. But before we get to Miami, Carolina's friends in New York had all pulled their money together to get her a stripper in Miami. So that was the surprise. So you all know her friends are what white, yes, white, yes? Okay, So remember that put a pin in that they all based alabaster okay, translucent, transparent okay out okay, baking soda, baking powder.
Right.
So Amina is corresponding with the friends and the stripper. He's supposed to get there at ten forty five. Sydney gets in at nine point thirty.
Or ten o'clock. I feel like like ten to fifteen. Sidney got in it like ten fifteen.
Yeah, So Carolina, we like, if we dressed, she's ready to go out, right, we're staying in the room waiting. We got a s tripper. We got a stripper that's being delivered at ten forty five, right. Poison. His name was Poison. His name was Poison. Right. So Caroline is like, all right, well let's and she's trying to like get us to rally and go, but we She's like, look at these old ass people that I came to Miami with.
And you know, I came in there.
I was washed. No, Sidney came in, she started working fresh off the flight, fresh off the flight, but I was split in everything on the coffee table.
Now, I was annoyed. I was ready to go. But because I got there and I was like, oh okay, so where am I sleeping? I was like, I don't know.
I'm too grown for this. But that's fine. Sidney was like, so there are no tails nearby city. We could have got two double beds. Anyway, Sidney came in hot. She she's shading everything. She's talking about the life pictures. Oh my gosh, she's making front of the roaches playing never it was flagrant. Anyway, So eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rolls around, No poison, but.
He's texting AMNA and very loudly no no.
Then he's calling her. Yeah, he's very obvious, and Amina's like, can you please mind you? Okay, So we're in the studio. We're all in one room and it's supposed to be a surprise and it's a lot going on, and Carolyna is like, well, I want to go out, and we're like still. Carolina got a smoky eye on, like she's prepared, and then he calls Amena and no.
Amina's like, well, you know, he's in Tampa right now. And I was like, but he's really from Philly.
And said, what person is from Philly, drove all the way to Tampa is now coming to Miami.
They needed money bad. I don't want that kind of stripper. No thanks, I don't want to strip it from Philly. I feel like Meek it's gonna be he's gonna be playing Meek Mill. He's gonna be stripping real hard. He's gonna have the eve print titty tattoos like I don't want. He's gonna have a duel rag that he flosses his butt with. I don't want that type of stripper energy anyway. But he says to a Mina.
I hear I hear him from across the room, say, I mean, it's like, can you please check your text messages? And he's like, oh, is this a surprise? Yeah? Is she there right? New like yeah, and I can hear.
Him and he's like, well, I don't have my clothes on yet.
I gotta change in there. He's like, we gotta change when I get there. Do you not know how stripping works? You gotta take your clothes off. Poison sir, you better come in with your fucking lab coat, act like you're a doctor and whatnot. Aren't you supposed to come in and be a cop. Yes, you come in. You're gonna come in with your work clothes and put him on and then sneak back out. He's gonna be like, excuse me, excuse me, don't mind me? Yeah, hey, real quick, don't
you just to go? You know the video where Lebron James is walking out of the press conference with his big.
Ass duff, That's exactly what this poison guy would have been, right.
So Amina like gets he I guess he says that he's close. He's oh, I think I'll see it. I think I see it, And Amina gets up to go talk to him in the hallway. When she gets back. I think, oh, she's gonna have poison. What she comes in, She's like, oh, the music is loud. She turns the music down. I'm like, oh, he must have he must have his music outside.
She's like, guys, I gotta I gotta tell you something. I gotta say. It's fine.
She's like I have to. She's like it's starting to feel unsafe. Yeah, because it's now it's one o'clock in the morning.
So you know the stripper is black.
Well, I didn't meet him, so so Caroline, she's like, Carolina, we have to tell Carolina. Carolena is like, what what's going on? And Amina's like, well, your friends in New York hires some stripper for you and we've been waiting for since ten forty five.
And they got him on some website and they didn't look at the reviews or nothing.
Well that was the thing. I mean, it was like. So she messaged the people in New York and was like, did y'all read the reviews? And they're like no, So we read the reviews and they're all bad. People are like, don't use this service. We requested two people on the website. They sent somebody that was fat and old and toolfless, like people were complete, like they were like the god was out of breath. His hairline was jagged, like nobody was happy. Hey, hey, you pay for me to take
my clothes up. I don't need to have a hairline for that. Yes you do, No you don't.
I just need to make sure I got the dick in tow Okay, if your hairline if I can't try.
First of all, I don't want to see no Philadelphia, Tampa dick. Okay, that dick sounds like it got bumped on it. No, that that ud dick do K two sis, I don't want that dick anywhere. Dick is desperate, so I mean it's like, yeah, don't we We don't want you to come anymore. Like she messaged him and he never responded, so that means he was nowhere near us.
He was never there or I was like, oh he's setting some ship up.
Yeah he's her home alone style.
Oh yeah, he's gonna come in and shoot this whole place up for three hundred dollars.
I said, wouldn't shoot the strippers. Don't shoot strippers. If anything, he was gonna like like choke somebody with a little the g string things. Now he's gonna choke people with his hand. He was gonna knock us out with that little suitcase, that stripper suitcase, that little player's club Bagah. So poison didn't come and we spent the rest of the evening waiting for him to come in and kill us. Yeah, and he didn't.
We were so nervous because I was in the bed with Amena and Marine. Now you know, Marie was wanted no part Sidney. Sidney was like, can I sleep between you guys?
And you know, I said no as loud as I could, But Sidney knows into me, and she just kept Sydney sleeps wild. I feel like she every time I woke up, she was like her face was on my pillow, next to my face. I was like you, I kept pushing you don't I don't remember that, kept sliding you to the left. You said, you.
Did an impersonation of me sleeping in the bed, and it was a lot of like me flopping like a dead fish outside of a like a fish bowl.
It was a lot of like her just throwing her arm across my body and then my face. But Amina was untouched. And I complained about it and then the next day Sidney flailed on a mina, So God is good.
Well, the thing is is that I'm fighting cuddling. That's what it is, because I.
Just wanted fighting cuddler.
Yeah, like I want to I am a cuddler.
You know who else is a cuddler? Carolina, who was across bed from us.
No, she's actually not a color because I'm currently sleeping with Carolina.
Carolina and Sydney are banging.
We are an item, and I just want to say that, uh, that pumkash.
Moist perl, that boom, that pork shoulder, slow cooked, yes, slow cooked, coach falls right off the pot. Mm hmm. Fallopian tubes tender. Yeah, what's your marrinate these flopian tubes? Cervix is to listen stopping Sidney's gross anyway, So Sydney and Caroline are not sleeping together, but tell people what happens this A lot has happened since we've been.
Back, moved out of the apartment, and I have my own apartment.
In Brownsville. So well, I mean, that's not that you should have just said East New York. You should have just said.
In I used to say East New York and then someone asked the specific address, and then they were like, do you know you're in Brownsville?
At least don't say Brownsville. I mean, East New York is bad enough, but Brownsville I feel like it's worse. They were like, did you do you know that you're stop telling people? Just say where you say I live in the city.
Where do you live in the city. I literally didn't know that it was Brownsville.
Stop Sayingville. And so when they were.
Like wait, I was like, no, it's not And then they pulled out the map and was very.
Disrespectful about it.
Was like, no, no, look at this. This is you see where that sat.
Like when you cross Broadway that is no longer. Wow.
Yeah, so moved out.
I have a roommate. Now. You know things are different. Uh you want to tell people why or how come or how you feel about it?
You know, just just making some changes.
Yeah, making your way downtown. You're walking fast, I mean you're walking slow. I'm walking real slow.
But yeah, you know. My shout out to my girls Amena and Carolina coming through and helping me move as an adult. If you don't know, if you have things of value, just you know, move somewhere.
What did I have?
Lots of garbage bags of things and nothing of value.
I was like, wow, what do I think? What do you think is your most expensive asset right now? Which is worth the most? That you got the tits that are on my chest? Okay? And then my job laptop, your work laptops. But you got to return that. I have to. But if I lose it, I gotta pay for it. I mean, obviously this is your responsibility.
Right and then and then I say my phone maybe expensive? Yeah, I actually do have my own personal laptop. So yeah, yeah, but what year is?
You know what model is? It's an Air. It's an Air. It's an Air. It's a MacBook Air. Okay, the new model is the is it the smoke? Is it the smoke? The smoke gray? Well minus from February, so I know that mine is okay, or mine is from March whatever? Vice was one? Okay, So Carolina and Amina helped you move.
Yeah, and so it was a little awkward because, uh, you know, some people had unresolved issues. So faguness is so cute. Yeah, I just can't trying to keep it very profresh on the pod now. But anyway, I will say this, Uh it was a scene V Yeah, it was a scene leaving. You know, all my bags are outside, and so this is my neighbors are never around, all of them around when I'm moving out, and so they just looking like, oh okay, there's like suitcases, a lot of garbage bags.
I feel like the suitcases that you had was like not the ones that roll, but I feel you had them old school suitcases that you gotta like like zip and then hold up.
No, I didn't have a street car the name design for suitcase.
I feel you had to stick with a red band down that I'm not a runaway. That's fucking rude.
But yeah, all my neighbors are going in and out of the building, in and out, and they're just looking like oh okay, hey, like just like that weird like okay. And then you know, Carolina and Adrian, I mean Carolena
and I mean are trying to help me. And then the SVS the U pulls up because I had to get an extra extra large you know, I could just and Carolina's dumb ass tells the guy, Oh, yeah, we have a lot of stuff, so you got to move back so we can move it on and he said okay, and then he's like, yeah, I'm I'm gonna pull it back around and he canceled the ride.
Yo, Kvalina is clean of the damn. I'm telling you, Wow, she's like the sweetest person.
Fall.
I was just telling him that we got a lot of stuff, but I'm like, no, you can't tell uber drivers. Anytime I've ever moved something in an uber X, it was always like that's like a like an ambush, Like they pull up and I'm like, uh, can you pop the trunk? And he's like what why? And I'm like this big ass area rug or this queen size bed or this floor length mirror, like what yeah, So he canceled. He canceled.
So then another one came and it was an Asian dude, and Amina was flirting with him the whole time.
He was cute.
He was cute. He's like very like muscular tall.
Did with the bags, he.
Was looking like, I don't know if I if I touched the garbage bag in my rip.
He said, I'm not really insured. Yea, my back is bad.
He didn't want to rip the bag and then all my things fall out like he was.
Trying to be he's being a general helping Yeah. I mean, truly, it's better when you just watch it play out right now. He was setting the tone, the mood when.
You yeah and then uh and then everything's in and then I get in the car and like, I mean, it's like.
Girl, you know, he got two kids.
He married I just just in case you was trying to figure out, you know, I'm trying to get his life together.
And I was like, what who is the driver?
Amina is telling me about the driver because she had already talked him up. And I was like, Sis, why are you gonna bring my rating down to like a one?
What's going on?
So?
Why does she think you care that the driver got two kids?
She was just trying to flirt with him. I was like, girl, what are you gonna do?
These single moms man out day out here, day out here. They're trying to get that little Brady Bunch family that blended Brady Bunch.
No thank you, no thanks. So I have a I have an apartment. You know, I haven't fully moved in because I have no things.
Okay, well let's tell the listeners what you need to the list of things that you should have hold on. I got a little little note over here. One second. Okay, well, I was gonna just shout things out and then you're gonna say whether you had them or not.
Oh no, bitch, we don't play those games. I don't want nobody sending things that I don't need a.
Bed I was gonna say, I was gonna say a bed. I was gonna say a blender, a toaster. Oh no, no, no, no.
Let's start to like importance to like, oh, yeah, that's cool if you.
Gave that to me, a blended. I need a bed with a headboard.
I need a frame, headboard, I need everything, because I don't have none of that.
What size bed, let's go through the wish list. What size bed we're looking for?
A queen would be nice, but honestly, it's only enough room for a full but like he.
Does not here now there a queen with like a platform, queen a queen?
Have you gotten the ads for the mattress? Like the have you guys gotten a mattress? No mattress giving away treatment?
Okay, what kind of mattresses they got? Casper's it. It's not Casper mattress in a box or something like that. Board.
No, not roomen Board. Maybe we need to reach out.
We're probably gonna get it after but it's fine because my match I got my mattress for free too. We already talked about this, so maybe I should do that. Ben in a Box Sydney already told you how to get a bed a free bed. Yeah, it through. You gotta order. You gotta order your bed in a box from Amazon, Like find the brand that you want. They have, Casper,
they have everything. You order it on Amazon, and then after you order it, sleep on it for like a week, and then tell Amazon you no longer want it, and they will not come pick the bed up, but they will give you a full refund.
That's insane.
That's how I got my bed. And then they're like I'm like, well what I'm what am I supposed to do with this bed? And they were like, you can donate it. Maybe Salvation Army or a church might take it.
That's with the Marie Foston luck me, someone would fucking do that.
And then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, we gonna come pick it up, and like, no, actually, it's it's very certain, like Casper will come pick it up, but Amazon, if you order it like something not a casper, but like something adjacent to that. They're not Amazon is not sending somebody to come pick the bet up because it's not gonna fit in the box again, right right, it popped out.
Okay, so I don't have a bed or a head frame or a headboard or whatever you call it.
I need a little dresser dresser. Okay, we're thinking like a long ways or like a.
Short stack like yeah, short stacked, like four or five, four or five.
The class is not that big. Okay, you need a rug.
Somebody's donating some hangers to.
Me, donating some hangers.
Yeah, listen, this is all like hands on this.
Yeah.
Well, first of all, it takes a village. And second of all, this was like all of a sudden. It was very abrupt, because you know, you're Rosie rational and it's just like, you know, what fuck that, I'm out, and you know, I didn't really think about it too well, and that's how it goes.
That's I am with me. I'm one of those people that's just like spontaneous, are you? Yeah?
Yes, absolutely, you think every time I did ketemine I planned it out?
Absolutely not. I do think you planned to do no no, no, no, no, you love like, oh, I'm not gonna do some ca o no no, no.
I left my house thought it was just gonna be a little cute night, have a couple of vodka.
Sodas, several vodkas. All of a sudden, what is there a butt bug in my in my purse? Like butt plug things? You found a stray butt plugging your berths? One of those nights in a clutch, one of those nights. No, oh, you know my sister is working at the Playboy Club. Now, yes, yes, bartending, look at that. We should go visit her buffets. Let's do it, She says. She's been yelling at people for the whole week. Really, everybody loves her and asks her
for fitness advice. And then she already she was like, already have regulars. I was like, shut up. I remember when I was a bartender, I didn't have no regulars. Yeah, it happens. I mean I also got fired pretty fast, so that's why I didn't have no regulars.
Yeah, speaking of fire, you know we out here looking for employment.
Okay, so you you went to La for Alec Baldwin's roast. We didn't even talk about that oh yeah, yeah, yeah, talk about it.
I mean it's just you know, when you get fluid out were a corporate card, Yo.
They take care of you. Man, They did put you in business. Yo. It was count of me. It was fucking nice, Yo.
It was just I was not used to nothing because I'm looking around, like I got to keep these salt.
The water's different over here. The water's different in Delta.
It's like it's the same fucking flight you've taken there.
That's toilet water CYS Delta. Yeah, they scoop it right out the little that little blue thing. Yo. The hotel was so nice. I'm so glad. I brought my vibrator. Oh okay, baby, yo, a vibrator. We're talking about that housekeeper.
I left her about fiddy hours.
I was like, she's gonna have to clean some stuff. It was dripping from the ceilings.
It was like, you know, clean up on our seven, clean up on our seven target target shoppers, clean up on our seven.
Dripping drip drip, Yeah, came to dripping.
Honestly, I don't understand anybody who would come to a hotel room and not at least bust a nut at least.
Once well, the room that you were in was kind of sexy. It was so sex it was like a glass wall between them and you could show.
Yeah, you could literally. It was like, yo, I wanted to give my room to somebody who was fucking yeah. So then they gave that. Yeah, you know, I was I'm gonna be doing that, but it was it was cute.
That's nice. And then there was a tub.
I had a tub, and I flooded the bathroom because you know, I'm not I can't have nice things.
You fled the bathroom because you poop. I'm sorry, how did you poop in the tub? How do you flood a bathroom in a hotel?
Well, they had the shower head that's like on top of the tub, it comes down the shower head. That's not for black women.
The rain style. Yeah, y'all need to cut that shit out. No honestly says it's for me. Now, I got a shower in those things, and I'm like, look at me. I used to shower my head at an acute angle, so like my hair wouldn't get wet because I wasn't working a shower cap. But now flourishing it's unacceptable. Okay, So Rainforest cafe style shower.
Yes, and then and then there's like, uh, a shower head that's on the on the side. So I turned the knob and like the rainforest thing is on and the shower head is at the same time. So I'm thinking there's a drain in the floor. I was like, oh, this shower hairt is one and this water is coming out. But like, there's gotta be some holes for this water.
Did you see holes? O? Baby? It sounds like a hard note.
Honey that that floor was flooded like some denims like it was.
It was so high up that I was like, how did this happen to me? Were you in the top? Wait?
No? I went in the living room and I was on FaceTime talking shit, and then I came back and I was like, uh, there's.
No Well did you put your car down for incidentals? No? I did. It was three hundred dollars, you know.
When I was at the front and I was like, yo, when am I getting this money back?
They were like, well, it's just a hold in case you. I said, Uh, the way Venmo debit work, the way it's set up, it take that it It basically take the money out and then they put it back in when when y'all release okay, and they were they were at the front desk Vinmo credit what they were like, being very loud about it.
How tell were you the s ls OH Room one twelve where the plays dwells.
Well, the players dwell Yeah, Peaches and Cream, I hear it. I love this, And then Alec Baldwin threw some shade at you. He did, But it was in the contract that I had to be nice, like I could not. Like before, I was pitching a whole bunch of stuff to do on the Red Carpet and they were like, yeah, this feels too roasty. Yeah, this feels like you're not
gonna be nice. Yeah, yeah, like you have to. And I was just they really like Ti hands And I was like, do you listen to the podcast and they were like, no, no, that's hilarious, honey, because they do.
He can you Colly Central y'all doing? Who doesn't listen to the pod? Hello, goodbye, good night. So yeah, I had to be nice because they were going to be roasting in the real show, so the so the Red Carpet had to be like a friendly, non hostile environment.
I thought that was a great idea. When I saw that, I was like, that's so fun You didn't like it? The just being nice to Alec Baldwin before he goes in there.
I thought that was so good to be nice to a straight white man on TV old. It's just it is so wrong. It's just it shouldn't be a Oh it was problematic.
You had to pray on it. Talk to my lawyer about it.
I was like, you know, after her, I really have to post this. I don't want anybody to see this. But I did, and everybody loved it. They thought it was funny. But he commented on my forehead. He said that I have a magnificent forehead, which is like the shadiest thing that you could do as like an old white man.
What that's not the shadiest thing you do as an old white man.
Yesterday, because like old rich white people will point out something and they'll be nice about it, but they're really saying.
Oh, look at those common sneakers that you have on those are quite fine. Oh those are kids, Ah, quite nice. No, Sydney poor people throw shade too, don't do that. Poor black people do that. Yeah, you're right, medium wealth Asian folks do it. Everybody's doing shade. It's not an old.
Way guy thing honestly says today, I'm tired, like I've been through a lot this week, so I can really just can't bring it today on the pod. I'm gearing up for the next episode.
We got another. It's gonna get hot, you know, next episode. I mean, I feel great. Thank you so much for asking. I just saw. Okay, so I've been seeing apartments for the last month, Marie.
You're doing such a great job. I'm proud of you for looking for an apartment so I'm not homeless next month. Yeah, thank you for being proud.
I'm so proud. I mean, there's only ten days, less than ten days left of the of the month, and I am cutely just cute and homeless. So we'll see what happens. But it's nice. It's a nice place. I saw an apartment the other day, two days ago that was so small, that was so small that when I opened the door to the bedroom, it didn't open all the way and it was just a twin sized bed in the room.
New York, y'all gotta go, like the all of New York and the real estate and what y'all think is appropriate. Bitch, you have nerve taking me to this hole in the fucking wall. Yeah, a mouse lives here. This is a mousehouse. This a mousehouse exactly. Minnie and Mickey the dog. The dog don't even fit in the house. That's how little fucking Alice in Wonderland sis. I was like, this is gross Alice in Wonderland for a clueless like homes in the Beverly Hills prices.
It was crazy, It's stupid, and I was so disappointed because it was such a good block. It's like a Brownstone Lion Street in Bedsty, really long windows, and you walk in and you're like, oh, this is gonna be cute. This is gonna be like the House and Sex and the City that big ball for carry No. I was like, the whole thing was the size of the studio tragic. I was like, uh, okay, let's talk about real tragedy. Okay,
let's talk about it. So you know, I'm unemployed, but i'd be booking things, and I booked thing and when I got there. Before I got there, they were like, we have hair and makeup showing up at this time, and I was like, I don't have any hair. I don't need hair there, and they're like, oh, we're gonna put you in some wigs cis. And I was like, already knew it was going.
To be bad, problematic, racist and homophobe, and.
I should have bought one of my old wigs, but I didn't. You were unprepared, unprepared. You you put your trust in the white lord and in blue eyed blonde hair Jesus, and this is what happened. So I get there and it's two white women and I was like, well, it don't matter who's hair and who's makeup, this is gonna be trash. I can already tell feel it. Okay, I felt it in my uterus. And they didn't have no mirror set up, Like how are you doing hair
and makeup? And you don't have mirror with the lights on it, like we we're just doing this. But I'm so disappointed. They made me look so dry. Okay, let me see the pictures because okay, well the first thing, the wig was a straight wig with she didn't pluck the part, she didn't put no conceal it in the part. I was like, what shelf was the wig on? Was it on the first shelf? Or the middle shelf. I think she got this wig at like a white people wig.
Place, oh for the for the like locks for love.
I think it was like a king Kim Zosiak, like like you know where people who got like alopecia. Is that what it is? Whatever? It was just like it was like you know, Jewish women gotta wear wigs when they get married, but no, but their wigs be looking good. It didn't look like anyway. I was like, this is this a synthetic human blend?
It was bad, friend. I'm surprised you let them do that. That doesn't even sound like you.
Well, I was like, my contract said I I don't have to you know what, let's not even bring out to talk about it. But okay, wait and then don't scroll because I tell you what happened after that. So I looked like the chick from chewing gum. Oh my when she put yeah, it was so bad and my head was hot. So I took the wig off and she comes running over and she's like, yeah, please, don't don't take it, like, don't take it off, like I have to do it. This looks like when I was
going through a relapse. Oh my god, please give me my you look like me, give me my phone back. This is when you try to kiss your door. This is what you look like. Oh bitch, rude. Okay, So then so we shot two videos with that wig, then we have to shoot more. There was like, there's another wig. It's blonde. I see her curling it. No, it looked like it looked like a Shirley Temple umbrae whire hangers. There's no part in the wig, so it's just like
a free form just whatever. So already bangs. No, it was probably supposed to have bangs, but there was no part. Let me see. Oh I don't have any pictures of that week. No, no photo that week because what happened is they put me in a teal eyeshadow.
Wait, so you don't have pictures of the eyeshadow or nothing?
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. They put me in a teal eyeshadow that I actually liked. But she didn't put no liner on me. She didn't put no lashes, she just put she she didn't. It was bad. And then they put the wig on top of my head and I was like, there's no way, there's no way a nice I would have texted my lawyer media. First of all, I'm not posting any of this. Second of all, how dare they Well, let's the cow there. The dag is okay, you know what, Wait, hold on, wait, let
me see, let me see. Okay. So they put the wig on me. And by the way that the clients were looking and you know they're not from America. Yeah, they swallowed. They were like, and I was like, I need to see a mirror right now, just right now, and they were like, everyone's scurrying, they're trying to find a mirror. The mega artist gives me this little mirror on like the front of her palace. No, I look at the little said I'm not wearing wig, and I snatched.
I didn't. I snatched it right off. And the client was like, yeah, it was it was too much, you know yah, you know this is this ship that we go through though. This is the bullshit that it's like.
First of all, it's clear that y'all you have never touched a brown person's face.
But like it was so bad and I look ashy and I look wild, and they didn't put anything on my friends girlfriends. You should sue them. Well, girl, you know the gag is. I haven't signed my contract yet for the work that that was rendered, so I need, you know, them to figure this out. It's like, wait, what are you gonna do? This is straight up wrong girl. It was so she didn't blend it, she didn't do
but the way, what the fuck? But they were giving each other like tip some tricks and pointers, and she's like, yeah, you know the body brown is better coverage. And I was like yelling, got no, did you? I said, yell? And I like, I said yelling, got no? Finty back then, this is not my friend. I don't know this woman. I don't know him. I don't know that man. If I couldn't tell you if if I see him in the street, girl, I don't even I don't know this man,
don't walk. I'm sorry for him. Sorry, sorry, sorry to this man. Yo. They sorry to this man. They put they okay, imagine that with a blond janis Combe's imagine the Britney Spears extensions. Since we have to sue girl, you you.
Need to send that in the email and say, hey, guys, just want to let you know what I look like.
Girl, but look at my face dry like you don't like you don't drink water. You drink drink exclusively. It's like whatever makeup they use sucked the ball, the moisture they didn't. They were it was like a spot. It was like they were just putting little pieces of makeup on, like you know when you have a pimple, you put a little toothpaste on just the pimple. That's how the lady applied.
My makeup for I think that should be your I don't think so, honey.
White women that can't do makeup, yes, I mean I think I think that they all think that they know what they're doing. Because the way that these women were talking while they were doing my face, I was like, oh, you would think that they're creating a masterpiece. And then that Andrew you went a weigh in on this, You want to.
Know, it's absolutely crazy. I do think that you should do as a year. I don't think so, honey. I feel like there's a lot more than just one minute though.
For that, Oh, I could talk about it for three years. Just like to be a black makeup artist or a black hairdresser, you have to know how to do everybody's hair because they don't want you to just be out here doing braids on Bo Derek, braids on white women. But to be a white makeup artist or a white hair person, you only need to be able to do white people.
I don't think that person knows how to do anybody's makeup, to be honest, there's no technique. I don't know what the fingers, like, what brush did she is not? None of the brushes were proper. They weren't using real hair.
She had a whole kit, a synthetic years. There's too brush nor fivers. They used toothbrush fibers. Turn it on that shot. Everything was recycled, uh, paint brush fibers. It was. I was like, and then they were taking pictures of me while I was on set, and I was like, is this for your portfolio? Like? Where where are you going with these images? Did you? Did you tell them to drop it to you? Air drop it? No? But one of them. Okay, So the makeup artist tagged she
posted some of the phone bitch, let me see. I removed the tags. Okay, but can we I'm not following her sist, so I can't. I don't even know. Like what I should have done is been like you need to take these down. But I don't even know what her I don't know. I didn't. I didn't follow her. I didn't I remove the tags. I just was like, you know what, let me this is. You know, that's all the money she's gonna make for the years. She
never gonna work again, not in this town. But that's what I'm saying, Marie, you should definitely get her, like I would be.
Like, I need her name and her information, and this person should never work nowhere near me.
The wig looked like that, but like big girls, like that's the color the wig.
Was, Marie, like a clown, like a clown.
But I think what happened is they went to my Instagram and they're like, oh, the last time she had hair, it was a blonde home bread which is blended though, right, but it's also not a wig, so you just think that, right. So, but that was the last hairstyle that I had before. This is such a good picture of us, I know. Should we get this blown up? Yeah? And they I'll hang it over my bed in my new apartment. Should we do that? That'd be nice, Marie? Should I? Yes,
you put this on your wish list. You need a big photo of us for your new apartment. Why do you make that? I don't know she forgot. I'm getting sad. Sorry girl. Anyway, that's that's what's happened in the last week. Also,
when we were on the plane flying back from Miami. Oh, let's talk about this baby, Sydney, Amina and I were all on the same flight and then Carolina called a flight look wardio because she does, and so the Amina moved up to sit with us, and you know, like I stood up and like we were like moving things around. And then the flight attendant comes over and she's like, sir, loud the way you couldn't hear.
The stewardess at all throughout the whole thing.
She all of a sudden she gets to Marie and sir shining, shouting, yelling that the volume that we're talking about, it was crazy. Everyone heard. Every one heard the sir heard around the world. Yeah, she said, sir, but it was me that I rang. I rang that. She didn't even look at Amina or me. She looked directly at Marie and was like, sir, sir, you rang the And I was like, I was like, who is she talking to? Like it took me so she said so twice no, no, no, no, so then she comes back.
She leaves and then she comes back. I don't know twenty minutes.
It was like ten minutes later. In here she was like, sir, a snack for you, sir, any snacks, shouting about these damn pretzels, sir. And there and then Amina was like, it's a she. It's a sheet. And the woman goes oh. She was like, well, I wasn't even I wasn't even noticed. I didn't even notice. I didn't say the sun was in my eyes? There was said we're on a plane. The fuck are you talking about? The son is in whose eyes? And then and then she said you must get that a lot. Oh no, I yo irene it
gave you. And I looked at her names said this, the slick is shade. Listen. When I got her, palm tree was very full. When I got home, I did the American Airlines Customer survey so fast you did. I was like, they misgendered me. Well that's what we were talking about. I was like, she misgendered my friend. That's unaccepted. But I didn't even say anything.
I was like they were bands out And then when I mean, it.
Was like, it's a she, she's like, oh, that's why she's laughing over there. Because I was like, why do you keep calling her sir? So loud? I took a picture of Marie because I was like, well, let me show you what she let me show you. Well, now that we're showing photos, hold on, I think I had on this this shirt and a hat. Andrew. My face looked exactly hold my little like Brooklyn cycling cat, but like sing. She was like, the sun was in vis
it's a glare up here. I was like, what now we are surrounded by clouds and you are being a shady beige beach. And then I was like, well, I want two snacks, and she was like okay, and she gave me two snacks. And then the plane lands three hours later and the woman sitting in front of me pops up so fast. She was like, you guys had me cracking up the entire flight. She was like when that lady called you sir, she was like, I wanted to turn around to see your face so bad.
You're coming from Miami. Let me let me see, let me see gay trip.
Yeah, but that doesn't look like look like the sun is in my eyes, Andrew, Andrew, I thought you was an ally, definitely not and you're canceled. Irene Irene from American Airlines is also canceled. I stand with what you wow, I'm with her.
I'm with her.
Irene was like screaming the sir at the top of her lungs. I was like, you know what, I will never fly American Airlines again. Also, Miami is canceled. We're no longer doing Miami anyway. That's what happened. And now I'm hungry again. But I'll never fly American Airlines again. It's dead to me, little bagel, Little bagel, maybe Andrew, what's going on with you? What's new in the life of your friend?
We had a week. H We're not hoeing as much, We're still doing it like once a week, but you're still what do you mean we're as much as how much were you holling before? Uh? To an extent that my therapist was like, if you even consider it, you need to call me instead. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. The therapist had to get had to stick. Okay, Linda, okay. Irene's daughter, Uh, And no, but I did. I did hook up with someone.
But I thought you said he was gonna stop holing, like it's how you.
Stop hoing, but you're still looking up with other people.
Yeah, I know I want to, but then it's just like this is all they want. You got to give the people look you don't want.
You don't want a relationship. It's about to be wintertime.
Though, I know I need to fully. I am going on a day tonight though with whom DJ.
Andrew, How are you young?
Though? Dj? He I don't know.
Does he have another job?
No, he works a very He said that he works for an outerwear company. I don't know, so Canada Goose, I don't know he's working.
You should definitely go on a date with him so you can get a little free Cande Goose.
That would be cute.
Yeah, a little ll Bean Parker.
See how that goes. But I went to the bar on Wednesday night, and you know how like there's like always like the one guy at the bar that's like a little bit like creepy, just like watching everybody. That was that was you, No, no, no, that was my mate for the evening. Unfortunately you wooked up with the Bernard I know, old French guy. No no, no, uh he was cute. And then I then he came back to my apartment not as cute, and.
He was not as cute as you're at your house or yeah, no, he was not as cute.
Oh both both. Absolutely. He was very drunk. He was on top of all. We didn't do anything because he was about to like we were about to do things, and then he was on top of my naked body and then he says I he mumbles something saying the word love, and I'm like, wait, this is crazy, and I'm like, wait, what are you saying right now? And then he says, I'm damn well near in love with you. And I'm like, oh hey.
Yeah, you're not insert anything inside.
And so then then I asked him, Bernard, do you know what my name is?
You used his name to ask him what your name was.
He says, I'm thinking of James, and I was just like, get out, get out of my house.
He said, But Andrew like, I haven't hooked up with somebody who don't know your name, stopping, Oh no, but you don't tell me that you love you yes, and you like James love And I was like, this is blind and it'll take over your mind and love can't love also is deaf. I can't hear it. Love also doesn't have a very good It has amnesia, love has Alzheimer's. Yeah, could you be forgetting? And then you're like, I love? I mean no, I don't but.
No, no, And then he just left. And then he like text me the next day and he was like, can I take you out or something?
I was like you like, he was like yeah, And then did you sign it as James?
Yeah?
No, I said, now, absolutely not. James could do better.
James deserves it. Yeah, that is wild, Sydney. Who are you texted right now? Yeah?
What's going on?
What's happening over there? Drama? If you're not gonna tal about it on the podcast, you shouldn't be dealing with it on the podcast. Okay, so you got your phone in your hand. And Andrew's telling is his truth?
You know you don't even care.
Well, it's not that I don't care, oh god, but it's just that.
You have to put your foot down.
I did put my foot down.
He left.
We didn't do anything.
You know, he didn't put he didn't put his ass down down. Bye. I mean, Andrew, how often you think you're changing your sheets over Yeah? That's another all these people.
No, I'm usually I usually don't host. Though he lived in Harlem.
I you are doing long distance, honey.
Okay, I'm not talk to Harlem. Though he's coming, you know, from West Village to Chelsea Community. He's paying for the uber.
Yes, I see what you're doing. You should put that in your taxes. Write it off right. No. I matched with this dude like beginning of the summer, and we never like we would like chit chat and weak shande numbers, but he never asked me out, so I'd never like, I forgot what he looked like whatever, And I had deleted tender when I left and when I came back, and then he messaged me this week and was like, hey,
stranger or something. He had messaged me a couple of weeks ago and he told me he lived in Queens. So I was like, well, I'm not I'm not going to Queen's. I don't give a damn how fluffy a beard is, right, So I like ignored him. And he messaged me this week and was like, hey stranger, somebody forgot me again. And I didn't respond because again Queen's. And then he was like, okay, well be well, like the next thing. He just kept like kept responding to himself.
Oh no. So the last message he sent me was so, are we ever going to meet in person? And I said no. I was like, you know, I lost interests. We've been talking since we matched before June, like before I went to Harris and he was like, yeah, you said you want to hit me up when you came back. Yeah, I've been back. I've been back. I said, I don't even remember what you looked like. And he was like, you know, it's crazy because I recognize you now and I was like from where and he was like I've
seen your performances. Oh god, okay, well my pussy just dry up so we can stop talking right now. And I was like, I don't even remember what you look like when you've seen me perform. And I was like that's weird, and he was like that's I don't think that's weird. Stalkers, I don't think that that's weird. I just I just saw you perform like a couple months back.
Wired like a live thing.
Yeah he was. He was at a comedy show and saw many perform and was like, I don't think that's weird. I was like, well, I don't remember what you look like, so it's weird to me. And you're too famous. You're too famous to like online date now, no what you're talking about. I feel like Hillary Duff was on Riot. I feel like if Raven Simone is gonna be on Riah for a long a I'm so sorry.
Nobody wants any parts, and nobody that's Raven being a Riahs. That's a Raven that I mean. I saw an episode of Basketball Wives and Shannie O'Neill went on like speed dating with Evelyn Losada and all the dudes that were there were garbage and it was obviously stage. She didn't supposed to be funny, but she was saying like, it's really hard to date my husband. My ex husband is Shaquille O'Neal. And she never changed her name. And she never changed her name.
Well, you know, it's a lot of paperword. You gotta change it, social, you gotta change it on everything. So yeah, ladies, just don't change your name in the first place. Ye stay a Washington or a Foston.
I am. I'll always be a Washington. Yeah, it's just like, what's the sense of would you hyphenate?
No? Because I feel like Washington is a long ass last name already, so I'm not hyphen any anything. You wouldn't go Washington Foston, Foston Washington. Should we do that? Sidney Foston Washington. Should we get married Marie? No, But we could take each other's last name, yay. We could be like Jada Pinkett Smith, I love it, Melissa Joan Hart, I love Freddie Prince Junior.
Sidney Foston Washington. I mean that's a lot.
And what's your last name?
You don't know my last name.
Mcgui guy, but I don't know what it McGuire McGuire, hello, Oh, don't you do that? Your name is Andrew, that's what we go by. But we just talk for a year.
My last name.
We don't know a lot of people's last I don't know a lot. We don't know a.
Lot of people.
Okay, wow, I know you're a mcguig guy, but like, it took me a minute, Andrew Dane, I don't know after you took Irene's side. Now you attacking me like this? Wow? Sorry, Sidney Foston Washington, McGuire, I like Sidney Washington, Foston.
That works, okay, likest.
Washington on Foston verse. Yeah, because w is the like that can't be first. We're gonna be at the end of attendance. You know, f is at the top. Okay, I'll do that.
You sold me on it. I mean, you didn't have to do that much. I was gonna take your last name with you.
I go into places like, yes, i am Marie Foston, thank you. I'll be taking that check. And then I walk in and they're like, oh, you bought your boyfriend.
Oh my god, this Foster, Like, yes, this is Sydney Washington over there.
She's going through a couple of things. My bald colleague she moved out so she lost her hair as well. Oh my god. Anyway, I like being bald. I'm enjoying it more now than I was a week ago this time. So we're gonna be both for a while. We like it. So yeah, let's talk about that.
Let's talk about we've been revamping the live show coming.
It's coming to you New York City October twelfth, Union Hall. Yes, October twelfth, Union Hall. We have Marybeth Baron and Jay Jorden. They're gonna be our They're gonna be battling each other to prove who is the unofficial expert of flirting.
Yeah, it's gonna be gorgeous. It's going to be a battle.
It's gonna be fun because like Mary Beth is like the right amount of like shady and weedy and smart and hot and class and Jay is like hot and messy and confident and he flirts with everybody. He really he really be Andrew was, yeah, he's mad too. He's like Jay, you was talking about that ship. You know, don't talk about it, be about it. But Jay had a boyfriend, you know, he was a boyfriend, morphan, my French boyfriend.
I think conflicted. I DMed him last week. I was thinking about it.
You DMed him last week to say, well, I was just like that, just do it, just do hold on. You just got done telling us that you wasn't going to be a whole You're a liar, and you're a liar. Okay.
It's someone that I know.
You don't know that. I'm mad. Are you mad?
But it's not like the other people.
Drew you slid his DMS and said we should just do it.
Well, we have d M past that one episode that he was on.
What did you say? Show us the d M. We want to see it. We want to see the nudes that you sent.
No, it's one of those pictures that disappear after.
You said, as our producer, you should be keeping us in the loop as about as about guests that have been on the pod and then you fratnizing with him after Okay, as our gay tall producer intern, you should be telling us all of a miss. Yeah, I'm telling you right now. I don't know. I think I have to do a write up. Oh my god, I think I gotta write. I gotta write you up on this. Who I gotta talk to you. I'm gonna go to HR for what for not telling you who I want
to exactly? Disappointed disappointed with me for wanting to hook up with Jay Jorden. Just wow, you put it on a wax, you spelled it out. You now hold back. Huh wow.
Y'all gays are real out there.
I mean, I'm no qualm.
What's he's all the way up on her Harlem too? Now where is he?
I don't know where his boyfriend Boots.
And you are gonna we are going to do Unofficial Expert Live. We're gonna go ahead to head.
Oh I need to fight you.
I really feel like we have some like unresolved tension.
You know where I stand with you over neither.
I'm always like, I'm always like, well, me and Andrew talk more than Andrew talks with Marie.
But somehow you're always I know, I know I called Marie a few weeks ago. That's an issue that I knew probably wouldn't be able to be resolved with you.
Unresolvable. Okay, let's talk about it.
Was the episode that I talk about, Oh, we're just talking about everyone that I've had sex with.
I guess this episode that's your fault. Sorry, that's just that's who you are.
That's your rectum is out there, boots, Okay.
Is not out. It's communal busy.
But it was the episode that I talked about having sex with someone that I literally met on the street.
Your anus is a homeless man. He's very He had on a backpack.
He looked like Jimmy Fox.
He's very, very Jamie Fox. He literally yes, you don't believe it.
And then I saw him on the street the next week and I was like, Okay, I'm seeing you in the broad daylight and.
He still look like Jimmie Fox.
He looked like Jimmy Fox.
He stopt me on the streaming, but is a soup kitchen.
Cutting that out. You did not disrespect my belt like that.
No, you don't disrespect your own.
Right now.
Okay, you know what, First, I'm realist, back in because y'all are who Okay, I have a listener question, and then we gotta go because we got other episodes. That city found her energy, she found her groove. It took me some time. If you want to just shake literally you bitch, Andrews butt home, Andrew you fire me up. I want you to be here.
Okay.
Actually you quit your job and didn't even let us know. You just posted on the instant stories and somebody hit us up like did he quit?
Oh I know, yeah, who does that?
Oh no, it would never quite But I knew that you had been thinking about it.
Oh yeah, yeah, well maybe we had discussed what was the question?
Okay, listening from New Mexico. Exclamation mark, This is Ray Cupcake. Wanted to slide in your DMS to add to the it's a confession. Okay, So, first of all, hoe is life. Okay. I've been with my dude now for two years. First real relationship of my life. We agreed to be monogamous. I'm twenty eight. Now he's much older than me, treats me so damn Good, sends me on vacations, all that good shit. So my confession is that I really miss being a hoe, different dude every night. Kick him out
or leave the rush of mysterious sexy life. Andrew, you know what I'm talking about. My question, does this mean I'll never be happy settling down? Or is this part of the transition into the locked down life? What do we think? She's twenty eight, so you're twenty eight, you're not ready? And she said he's much older than her, so he's ready. He's ready, he's been ready, he's been living that life, so he know what to do to get you ready for the life that he wants. But
how does she play this? Because she I mean, does it say that she lives with him?
I say, you need some space, but it says he didn't hold up for like three weeks.
He treats her so damn Good sensor on vacations, blah blah blah. He paying for stuff. Sis just like quietly up, No, take a break, Say listen, I need some space. I'm going through some things go for three weeks and then come back.
Okay, but then you know he's going to ask like, are you going to see other people? Okay, he will absolutely ask me.
But her question is does it mean she'll never be happy settling down? No, you're just not ready right now. You're just twenty eight. You're young, twenty eight Yeah, okay, yeah, we're young. Come on, let's do it. Oh that's right, Marie. What's up twenty nine this year? Getting closer to thirty every day? Right? Yikes? All right, Well, what do you guys think is this person? Yeah, I don't think you're a bad person, says you just gotta tell him that
you need to you need some time. You guys need to take a break, and you saying you want a hole. But it was just hot.
It's about to get cold. You're gonna all that shit's gonna switch up. You're gonna be too tired to leave your house to go fuck somebody.
You wanna be lonely. You think it's just too much work. It bitch.
When it rains, I'm like, ah, well I'm not.
I'm not horny anymore. When it rains. I horny when it rains. The rain is hitting the tin roof. Okay, but what about when it's where are you looking up in her new apartments? Sis hitting the tin roof? You know, and you're like, it reminds you of that time that you were in Portugal, you know what I mean? Out here being anyway, I feel like we accomplished all that to do. Okay, we did, we did. I feel good about what.
We're talking about, unresolved issues.
I think, okay, well, what we're gonna go toe to toe?
And it's fine. I'm not we don't have to do it in this episode.
Like if y'all go to to toe, both of y'all gonna lose. I don't feel like neither of you guys.
Is going I think the we're both two emotional beings. I think Marie. Marie is like a little bit, I don't know, a little bit more mature than you guys. No, not mature is no, that's you're saying that. But I think that we're more in touch with our emotions than I think Marie is.
Do need y'all need to be that much?
But I don't. I feel like we could really hurt each other if possible.
Which is crazy because I check on you I like, see how you're doing.
Yeah, but you also you are also mean to him. You are you're rude to him, you're literally literally when we walked in today he came to pick us up, you didn't even say hello.
When we walked in here, and I was five minutes like you've been thirty minutes late before.
That was a one time Okay, you did arrived five minutes late and me and Sydney were on time and we lost our minds.
You were like so sorry, but I also offered it's tough off of my bagel to heal.
I was kidding out. I love you, Qidney. When he came up. When he got here, you didn't even say hello.
Andrew, I always message you when people have comments that are positive.
That don't mean that you're nicest. That means you pick and choose when you're nice.
I don't know. I went through my D I responded to a story of yours the other day, and then I looked at her DM conversation. I've responded to so many of your stories, never get a response. Every time that I responded to Marie's stories always as Marie also responds to my my stuff too.
M h I'll be out here. I'm looking at thanks. Okay, Sydney out here trying to encourage my gates, all sexy, slutty ass producer, and you just well, I'm glad that you guys are friends. Keep it up, all right? Well, the new Unofficial Experts starts next week and it's going to be me and Andrew's and I feel like the people want to know and our first guest is gonna be our mean expert Sydney Foston, Washington. The people, the people want you to host this as well. So I'll
just I'll just leave. You're gonna go where where are you gonna go? Sis? You ain't got no headboard?
Stop, sir, sir?
Do you need a beverage to shut the fuck up? Yeah, I'm gonna take a Drinkodess hold in spring, guys, come to the live show.
Come to the live show, buy tickets.
We try to sell that bitch out. And it's not even like that.
It's not crazy. It's you in your halt, like this ship is not sold out. I'm not fucking putting another episode out. You'll never hear, You'll never get an episode.
Okay, wait, so let's talk about it. So the live show. The next one with Jay and Mary Beth for the Flirting Expert is October twelfth at ten pm Union Hall, and then we're doing a show for New York Comedy Festival Saturday, November ninth, also another live version of the podcast. And then we'll be in Chicago at some point. Yeah. Oh no, that's the ninth or something. I don't know what. I don't know what the date is, but we'll figure it out Chicago in the fall, so you know, way
for us, look for us. Also, Toronto, we haven't forgotten about you. We have nine. We did a little bit, but also we didn't. We did send out our The merch is coming, and the merch is coming, bitch. Are you ready, honey?
Okay, it will be a night, no, a day to remember.
You can wear a merch to prom yeah okay, and you can cut it up.
You can get fucked in unofficial expert merch and you get used by wearing merch.
Merch, and then you can use it to wipe yourself out.
Yeah, it's really good to it's really good absorbent for like all the common coach juice. Yeah, if you're squirting and what.
Right, you get it right? Out the right off the TV anyway, guys, thank you so much. Each shirt comes with a free thing of poppers. By the way, we love you so much. Ray comment subscribe the Patreon. We we're gonna get that together too. But we put it. We put an episode out and people were happy. It was like a co month ago. People are already like, where's the Patreon?
Really?
Yeah, long ago it was okay, Okay, we got you. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it in Sydney's studio. Okay, pun oh fuck you, Okay, goodbye, bye bye Forever. This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Baham, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
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