Emotional Support Dick

Forever.

Wow, whoa I am? I feel like I'm delirious right now?

Did you just wake up before we started recording this episode?

Yeah, but this is a different type of feeling discombobulated. M I'm serious one because my MIC's situation is fucked up.

But also, yeah, I just feel out of it.

I like, I know today is well when this comes out, it's Friday, but today is actually Wednesday. But all of Monday I thought it was Tuesday. All of Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday. I've just been I don't know. I'm given real drug addict energy right now?

Well, friend, have you.

Been outside in the last three days?

Yeah, of course, of course. I went to the bank yesterday. Okay, you want to tell the listeners what happened at the bank? Send it robbed the bank.

Let's tell imagine. Send it all. Never robbed the bank. I robbed it for the podcast.

Oh you robbed it for yourself.

Don't put me in there, no mayams God. I went to the bank because y'all don't know this, but I've been banking with Vemo for several years now, several several years. I could not have a bank account because I owed the government money, and I finally I'm in a good place, good standing. But people knew you banked with Vemo because you always say you banked with Venmo.

You listeners say, Andrew.

I just I completely forgot until you brought it up again. I completely forgotten you too.

She says it on Instagram, she says it on her She says it all the time.

But I do recall that you haven't like done your taxes since two thousand and nine or something.

A long time ago Reagan administration got up, Marie.

But yeah, I'm I'm finally am I'm finally in the process of, you know, paying everything that I owe off and I can have a bank account now. And I went to the bank and they said, in order to open up a bank account, not only do you have to have one form of ID, you have to have two forms of ID. That's bullshit, is it. Yes, if you have a passport, that's enough.

Don't you have like a driver's license? No?

No, No, Sydney's passport is her ID.

Wait, So in order to open.

An account to put money in it, you need two forms of ID.

Yes.

When I was little and my parents opened a bank account for me, I didn't have any ID, or maybe I did.

Maybe they might with buys like social Security card.

As they did. They did, so I didn't.

So I came back to the house and I was freaking out because I could not find my Social I couldn't find my birth certificate, and I was like, somebody is walking around with Sydney Washington identity. But they would have been thrown in jail by now because they were like, you know all the money I owed, but but Adrian had it. So I'm good, I'm in better. I feel better now.

But Adrian has your ID stull No.

What she still has your ID?

No, she has my Social Security card and birth certificate.

Why wait?

When you said no, you should have said yes. Why did he have that?

It was mixed in with her papers and she moved, You're sending it to me today?

Girl?

The mess?

This is?

How are you doing? Marie?

You know where my social and my birth certificate are at my family's house.

Yeah, you don't have it on you.

I never have had that stuff on me. I know where it is because at first my dad wouldn't give it to me. And now I'm afraid to have that stuff in my house. I mean, I lost my headphones for this podcast, So we're gonna who But the last time I was at my mom's house, I found my birth certificate and I was looking at it and it said September twenty ninth on it, and I.

Was like, whoa, is that my birthday?

And no, it's I was born on the twenty third, but it was issued on the twenty ninth or something like that.

I don't know. It's something weird, but oh my gosh, I almost had a little breakdown. I've been celebrating on the twenty third all the year.

Wait, what if your birthday is on the twenty ninth.

My birth certificate says the twenty third, babe, is what I'm saying to you.

But next year, I got to hit you on the twenty ninth. Happy birthday, babe. You know I was I was due in October, but I came early, so yo.

I was supposed to be born on Valentine's.

Day, but I was born on Groundhowk's Day. But they I got out of the hospital on Valentine's Day because I ate my mother's placenta starting early. Okay, gay, I ate the placenta and the you know, the poo poo and I got really sick. They had to shave my hair off. I was they kept me in the hospital also starting early hair and and I do like eating ass so oh wait, what placenta and being bald because I got sick?

Help people? You like eats?

No check up? Okay, whatever, Marie, how are you doing?

I'm okay, friends.

I was just telling Andrew I woke up before my alarm today, which always makes me feel like yay, but I'm already tired and i've been What time.

Was your alarm?

Yeah, your alarm isn't that early.

My alarm was for a forty five. But Andrew, you didn't ask.

Me what's on?

Okay? Okay?

What time did you go to bed?

At? Two am?

Okay?

I like to do what like?

I like my sleep to be like a round number, like six and a half hours, seven hours.

But I woke up at like seven something, and now I'm tired.

So I've been up for four hours and I'm already done.

Okay, Well what did you do in the four hours? I shot a.

Video for Instagram, that is I was trying to put up before we recorded this episode, but I didn't put it up yet, so I'm gonna put it up after we get off this thing. It's about skincare. Really, yeah, because I told you I was going to post about meeting stuff from my face.

I told you about this. This is not new information.

But uh yeah, So that's and I trying to do it like in front of my window because you know, it's about to rain, and I couldn't post anything or shoot anything for the last couple of days because they've been doing construction right below my window in front of my building. So it's like Caribbean people down there, drilling in sandals. It's very it's very West Indian down there.

The same thing, the same thing.

You're saying, the same thing, but we can see that you're looking at your phone.

So no, no, no, I meant like the same thing that's going on over here. They're doing construction in the actual building, not across the street in the basement. Yeah, mine is in like the front of my building. She's doing a step or something coming into the building. So it's at the front door, and you know, my windows are right above the front of the building.

So well, you look, you look great, Murray, you do look really great.

Thank you, friend.

Did you put some makeup on?

No? Sydney, stop asking me if I have one makeup and you do it, and it's always it's a backhand compliment.

It's what are you wearing makeup? Like asking me that because you asked.

Me before and I ignored you and you asked me, and it's like, bitch, please go lay down. That's just because you're not slick and you do it all the time. No, bitch, it's just like what, Sydney, what is it like? Okay, well, let's let's if you want to be real. You know, we all have a little darkness under our eyes, and you don't have any today. So that's the only reason why I know your skin is perfect.

Your skin is perfect.

You are perfect, But I don't see no darkness under your eyes.

So you have a little bit of good sealer your eyes. I know you.

So, Sydney, stop asking me that question. This is what I'm getting at. You do this all the time. Recorded the Patreon a couple of days ago, and you're.

Like Marie's wearing concealer Like it was, bro what what's happening?

What's wrong?

I was thinking? And then this also might be a backhanded clock.

Please don't add it if it's not.

So we can.

I was thinking earlier and I refrained from saying it. Your boobs look huge today? Is that a backhanded COMPLIMENTE?

No, I'm wearing a sports bra and there's like these weird.

Oh okay, I was like, wow, where have they been?

They do look big today.

But you know, I'm wearing a sports bra with the I don't know, half a cup in it or something. But you could have said that that's that's nice. Your boobs look huge today is a different thing than you are you wearing makeup, especially if you you know the answer to the question.

It's like you're just saying it because you want me to say what which you want me to sayher M, that's true. It's like anyway, whatever, I'm not gonna sorry, bring me down to.

I'm jealous, sorry a mess.

I'm not gonna let you ruin my Wednesday or.

Our Wednesday Friday. Okay.

So we're ten minutes in and you know, as you know, Biden is the president or projected president.

I don't like that. I'm a projected president. I don't like that bullshit.

Wait, that's that's how it is every time he's the president elect until he's actually no, no, no, no, no, are you saying because the count?

Yeah? Okay, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't like that.

So what happens if Trump never concedes?

I don't think you cady? Well yeah they didn't. Someone on Biden's team say like, we will use force if he doesn't like actually want to leave the White House.

Well, you know what I was just doing.

I was reading about the whole George Bush al Gore situation, and because people are comparing the two to that, and so what I don't remember what year that was.

It was like two thousand. What a year was that?

I think I was like maybe in late nineties now.

Because Obama became president in like eight.

Yes, so George Bush was like two thousand to two thousand and eight, right because he was president.

Oh yes, okay, so al.

Gore and George Bush, Uh there was George Bush won Florida by five hundred and seventy votes something real little like that. And when it's that low, you're allowed to like it's an automatic recount. And they and George Bush's brother was the governor of Florida.

So I was like, oh, this is fishy.

So they were recounting the votes and the Supreme Court stopped it. And that's how George Push became president in the year two thousand wow. Right, So that's why people are like, well, because Gore won the popular vote. So it was like, well, isn't that the state where your brother works is the state where it's the anyway, this is not that Joe Biden is beating him by like hundreds and thousands of votes, right, and he's still like.

It's a scam, it's fake. I'm still president.

And it's like, and.

The thing that makes me so upset, so upset, even though Joe Biden was winning by so many votes, right, we still looked at the map and we still saw the percentages and they took their Tory birch flats, and these white women came in stronger this fucking time around.

And it's like, yo, I remember when y'all.

Bitches were putting up all these black squares and all this ship and then come to find out, come to find out, y'all came back and vote. Is your husband beating you? Why are you voting for? I'm no, I'm I'm I'm flabbergascid. I just could not believe it.

It doesn't make any sense to it does.

Not make any sense. Tell me that the numbers are wrong.

Please, no more white women voted for him this time around than last time. But also, Matt Latinos.

Trump Trump, your post brought to my attention to Eva Longoria of it all. I had to look that up and I was like, oh my god, this is crazy.

She got her She got her a Zobo ass on MSNBC or whatever, the website, whatever the you.

No, she still used Goya.

You know, she still used Goya prob you know, she's still using them free from Goya.

And she said, yeah, we see what black women did in Georgia, but Latinas were the real heroines of this election.

And it's like, first of all, you didn't have to talk about black women at all.

You could have cheap And then she tried to fix it and say she was talking about Latino women compared to Latino men, and it's like, you could you didn't have to include black people in that at all. You could have just started the sentence with Latino women are the first lies, and it's like lies FLRDA. Then well, don't backtrack and don't gaslight. Also, what happened to the Cubans because they didn't vote for uh, they didn't vote for who you saying they voted for?

She said, she said Latinas. That's different from Cuban.

Latina is not a Cuban, it is, but you know she's talking about like Puerto Rican, Oh, Latinos, Latinas are I thought Hispanic people as.

A whole or Latinas.

But she's they you know, they don't they don't want to claim the Cubans right now.

It doesn't matter. Cubans belong to them. Cubans are theirs.

That's they're riding with Cubans on a bus like that's they're that's, it's hand in hand.

I'm still upset.

I'm still like, babe, how how Jesse, how how did you?

How did you do that?

How did you go down there and thought that it was the smartest idea? Like we're not going to see that you bitches are voting for him.

I'm upset. I'm upset.

It's just like y'all talk about women's rights and X, Y and Z and blah blah blah, and it's it's all for it's all for clout.

It's all social media and then the real, the real, tea. Is that.

No, Trump being president benefits you as well, So sorry.

Right, but it's like ultimately it hurts you and people like.

Well Biden is this, and Butden is that, and it's like we're not celebrating Biden winning truly Trump losing.

I just really truly.

Needed him and his family to feel like garbage, like los like losers for the weekend, because people were dancing in the street on Saturday, like honking horns, going ham eyeing with strangers, and you know, internationally people were like joyous partying because he lost. Paris rang bells, Germany had fireworks, like everybody in the world was.

Like, oh my god, thank you so much. Like people were happy.

Everybody was happy. But there was still it was still like not a far off race. People still voted for him. It just doesn't if all these people hate him per se, then how was he still How is the race still.

Not far off?

Well, because it's not that all these people hate him.

Seventy five million people hate him, but seventy people seventy.

One million or whatever the number is, million.

People love him and they agree with him, and they're like Trump, you know, Latinos for Trump, but also like square states with no lakes for Trump, like all those If you look at the map, it's all red.

Oh, and then the.

Major cities are blue. And yeah, there's thirteen million people in and there's.

Only a few major cities.

Everything else is fucking east bumblefuck, middle of the ball, sketcher ass mountain.

Dude drinking like, Oh, I can't stand it. I'm so mad.

But if you look at.

Like a map of Pennsylvania, it's all red and then there's blue in like the big cities.

Oh and let's let's get the realty.

New York City, yes, blue, upstate New York, fucking red, Syracuse, Albany, all those places.

That you're like, I got a cabin for the weekend. Them niggas, they don't want no parts them niggas.

Thank you. Oh I love NSNBCCD.

Oh my god. I just could not believe it. I just couldn't.

I just was like, are we really serious here? And then the main one, it's a it's a bad abortion. It's a bad abortion. It's like, is it a bad abortion? Because the ones who are voting this, SI, you are fifty five, fifty five, hidden sixty.

You can't even get pregnant no more, what do you.

Get that metopause vote?

But also, now, why do people care so much about what other women choose to do with their bodies? Like, basically, I can sit on sixteen dirty dicks and that's my business, you know what I mean. I've never had an abortion, but like I would drive myself to an abortion if I needed it. Well, I wouldn't drive myself. I would hope that the person to me would have a car. You know, That's that's the only way that would work

Like no, no, no, no, no, all lives matter.

It's like, well, these are the lives that I'm not saying are more important than the baby. And someone's stemming, but this person was actually like living. This person is here and you're out of the uterus, living for several years, for so many years, and you don't care about them.

Speaking of uterus.

Uh, No, I was I spent the night at somebody's house on Friday, God bless, thank you.

And it was cute, and in the morning it was different.

I don't know if this has happened to you guys, but like at night the night before, it's like, you know, it's affection, it's hot, sweaty six, And in the morning it was like distant.

It was like.

And I'm not saying that we need to like cuddle. I'm not saying that we got to sleep spooned up in a sport, but I'm saying that, like, like, I know what it feels like when somebody wants you at their house, and it felt like this person did not want me at their house.

So I woke up in the.

Morning and he was like, oh, I gotta do I gotta send out some emails, and I was like, okay, cool.

I stayed in the bed.

This person went into the living room, and after a while I was like, well, I guess I'll go into the living room too, like I'm lonely. So I get up and I go into the living room and he's like, oh, I got to go to Target to go pick something up for somebody.

And I was like, right now, we're doing runs to target. Oh I didn't know you did door dash.

But he left and I was like all right, Well, he was like, do you need anything from the store.

I was like, yes, I need this, this, this because I was hungry.

And then he brings me a snack and he's like, oh, I got a walk my dog.

And it was like, wait, I have.

Not asked you to leave at this point or is he just kidding me to leave?

But he didn't ask me to like walk the dog with.

I was watching a movie in his living room and it was a terrible movie. It was the Keanu Reeves Knock Knock. If you haven't seen it, you don't watch it. It's trash. But it was like I was in the house, like am I going crazy? Like should I have gone with him to walk the dog?

Or I left?

Like usually he drops me off at my house, like he'll be like, all right, let's let's go, or he'll get me a car or whatever. But I was just in his house and the longer I'm in the house, the angrier I'm getting. And I'm like, I'm putting my clothes on, I'm putting my my ass lists panties one because I'm like, I've spent the night at people's houses before,

I pretended to act like I'm a cook for you, right, But.

We're having a conversation.

It's like, well, what you are planning for the day, okay, Well, like I gotta get to work, so like I'll see you x whatever day, you know what I mean.

But this was none of that. And me and this person have been doing this.

For long enough that it's it wouldn't have been a problem if he was like, oh, I gotta do this, or I gotta do that, or can I get you a car home?

But I was like, well this is what I get because I knew I shouldn't spend the night. So I'm like angrily putting my clothes on.

And I'm stomping down the stairs and on my way out of the building, him and the dog are coming back inside.

He's like, where are you going. I was like, I'm going home. You were gone for mad law and he's like, oh, you know, my dog is old, and you know I gotta wait for him. And it was like it doesn't matter, I'm just gonna leave.

Wait, So did he want you to say or not?

It didn't feel like he wanted me to stay. He was gone for like, I want to say, a full hour, because I watched the whole movie. I mean I watched an hour of it, and then I skipped to the end because I was like, this show is pissing me off.

But he was like, wheare you're going? And it was like, it doesn't matter what you're saying with your face right now.

Everything that you did this morning didn't feel like what you're trying to give me at this doorway right now. And then I left, and I and also I again we you know that word gas light. I don't like when someone is like not acknowledging like how I feel or what I think is going on, Like just say, you know.

What I did? Take a while? My bad?

You know the time slipped. I didn't know that. I like, I just you know, the.

Dog was slow. I don't know.

It just feels like you could see the time that this person left, and.

Like when you came back, it was a long time.

It's not just that him and the dog took mad long. It was every little thing like I'm butt making in your bed. This is priority number one booboo, Like, I'm in your bed right now with my cities out, So what are we.

Can I can?

I ask?

What did he get? Like a morning? Not what?

Or not? No? Next, I gotta send out stuff. And it was like, okay, well, I'm I'm a hang and.

Then he was like, but like, did you not have anything to do today that day?

Or Andrew?

I'm sorry against Saturday Andrew Saturday day morning.

He was a Saturday morning cartoon. How dare you you.

Woke up at nine am on a Saturday? Okay, funny, I had stuff to.

Do with these Sorry, it was an honest question.

I just worse than me. You weren't, Marie jump on him.

Andrew's like, you've unemployed, wealthy, like you have time to watch this movie? Just be naked in this man's bed.

Literally the alarm went off at nine o'clock in the morning.

And the thing about this person is they're also like very much in their phone all the time.

And it's like when I like, I'll be.

On my phone when I'm in my house by myself, but when people are at my house, I'm not staring at my phone the entire time. I'm like being present with my friends or my lover or whoever. But like, but also I didn't need to be there, and honestly that that's on me.

But I text him in.

The car because I was so mad, and I was like, am I being crazy?

Damn it sounds it sounds like he's still mad.

Well, I mean, I'm talking about it now and I am still upset, not upset, but like it's irritating. But anyway, I text him and I was like, I shouldn't have spend the night. Take care and he was like emoji peace sign. I said take care because this is not something that like I'm we're not together. So he was like, he's something along the lines of being with me is stressful.

And I was like, I I'm not going to fun.

I'm going to turn to the council, to the group chat and they'll talk me off this ledge. And that's what you know Sydney and Mina and Carolina did for me, because I was like, am I insane?

Is this a lifetime movie that I'm in right now?

Like girl, no, girl, It's like okay, but like backstory is I mean you you kind of had ended things with this person, yes, and so bruck up like two weeks ago, three right, the backstory, Okay, that's what happened. And then we had been sixteen yes, a week right. Well, I guess because I knew I was going to see him before the end of the year, because you have you have to go back one time when you say something is done, at least once you go back and then.

You say oh, or you say this is why I left, And that's what That's what it was. You know.

The Friday night was cool and then the Saturday morning was not, and I was like, m and I'll never be here again.

This is that's why I was like, take care.

And then he was like it's stressful and I was like, okay, well I will say Marie that one You're not stressful, but it does feel like, I mean, you know, we've been we've been friends for a minute now, and like you're that kind of person. Yeah, I don't really want to let you down, Like, yeah, I could. I could let down tons of people, but you're one of the You're one of the people that I'm like, fuck, I would hate for you to.

Be disappointed with me.

That's so so that is that is a little stressful at times.

Interesting.

I just think, I mean, it's I think it's good that you you did this. You have this experience as like sort of closure, and like, uh, it's validating. It seems that it's just like, Okay, this person doesn't.

But I feel like Eva Longoria butt coming. But but I don't know.

If you needed to stay as long as you did to be like infuriated.

And I mean, Andrew, we were having sex all night long, yes, but holl out, I'm supposed to run like a whore in the night at five o'clock in the morning or whatever.

What it's not at five o'clock in the morning. It's nine a m. And I think that's it.

I'm telling you.

When we stopped having it was like four a in Okay, So you're telling me that at that time, me, my bra my ze rag. Everything has to leave after right.

I'm just saying that I would be rather be pissed in my own apartment than someone someone's apartment while they're at Target. I don't know, that's just me.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you're right, but I honestly I didn't think.

I don't know, it doesn't matter because I don't want to be with this person and I didn't want to be with the like. But you know, sometimes it be people's ego though, because I will say that before I was all the way gay, you know, I was in a relationship with a man for I don't know, like a year and a half or two, and I broke up with him because I didn't like his moves and I felt like he needed to do better. And then of course I hit him up I don't know, like a month after and with the you.

Know, let's hook up.

And the next morning he was like distant, he was like okay, he wasn't treated me the same because in his eyes, it's like, well, you don't want to be with me, and now you're just coming over here because you want to hook up, so I'm supposed to be all over you.

But like, I still think I think that there's some of that.

He's like, I still feel a type of way you leaving me out to dry. Yeah, I get that, and I think that there could have been some ego there as well. But like I mean, if you're trying to get back with me, which is what the situation was.

Then you should orders for, which is what I thought the situation was.

That's what you thought, didn't that what he said?

Girl? We don't have conversations like that no more because we're not together.

So it's like I went there on Friday thinking, Oh, we're gonna have a conversation, like we're gonna talk. And when I was at his house, I was like, I don't actually, I don't want to talk about this because I don't want to get back together, like I just I was literally.

There just to have sex. So Andrew's right, I should have.

Left at four am, like thank you, yes, like Mary, Andrew does have a point. He does and I and I think that's why I was so mad in the morning, because I was like, I shouldn't be here. I should not be here, and I'm like putting my stuff on to leave, and I'm like, I'm like, well, I'm not gonna see him.

I'm not gonna say that I'm leaving. I'm just gonna leave.

And then I bummed into him at the front door and I was like god damn, Like I didn't have nothing prepared to say.

I was just mad.

You know, how do you spend the rest of your day? I mean, it was Saturday, we got.

This Saturday, we got the news.

Well, when I was waiting for my uber, I heard all the horns honking and people screaming in the street, and I was like, what's happening? And then my uber driver was like, what's up? And I was like, I think maybe the Trump thing, and he turned the radio on. We started screaming in the car together. So the rest of my Saturday was lovely.

It was a good Saturday.

Yeah.

Oh my god, Sydney's name on on you know, I just noticed, did you just change it?

I'm gonna change And then went to uh the SNL taping to see Chappelle.

Oh my god, how was that?

First of all, they made us do our own I changed my name too. They made us do our own COVID tests.

Oh that ship was.

I don't want to do stuff to I don't be honest. I don't really like masturbating. I want somebody else to do it. So that's how I felt.

I felt like I had to take care of myself and I didn't. I didn't want.

That said, what do I have to do it?

Yow all the way off.

Does anybody prefer masturbating over actual intercourse? Right?

I want somebody else to do it. I don't really want, you know, to do it myself.

Anybody prefers masturbating.

Over I don't know. I've talked to some men and they're like, yeah.

Rather masturbate than have sex with a human being.

There are a lot of people that don't know what they're doing, so it's like, let me just finish the job.

M and it's like, you know what you want and it's gonna be like boom boom, thank you, bam, mam, mam.

You know, no, not me AnyWho. Yeah, we went to SNL and that was dope.

That was cool, you know, just to get to see comedy again and people doing what they love or they're actual getting paid to do a career based thing that isn't in the confines of their home.

It was It was nice to see that.

But also it was just great to be with my friends and like hug each other. Yeah, and it was a nice night and we had a nice little group together. But you know, we had to leave our mests on the entire time from like when we walked into thirty rock to. When we left, I was like, but you made me like a test, like I should be able to take this off.

Everybody in here is negative. And it was like, no, put it on.

And then they sat us in the nosebleeds in the dark corner shadows of snls and I was like, well, I'm not going to collap for any of this.

We was so mad. She was like, I'm glad I didn't waste an outfit.

How many people are there in this in the audience.

It seemed like a lot.

It wasn't a lot because they took a bunch of the seats out, but everybody that was there had to be in a group of eight, So I don't know, maybe there was like eight groups of eight.

I don't have no idea.

You don't know. I don't do numbers.

Yeah, I'm not really a numerologist's ma'am. I'm make me quit, you know, but I want to go back to Marie. You know, this is this is a great time for you and other people like yourself.

It's like the holidays are coming up.

We don't need to pretend that things are closer than they are.

You know, either either I'm gonna run free or I'll be by myself.

But this is like that grey area during the hellish year that we have we don't need.

We can pick pick.

You know that dating relationship thing back up in February the sixteenth, you know, says cuffing season is among us, and uh, you know we uh, I am back to getting my little roster together for the twenty twenty one school years.

So don't don't say that.

You know that's different, because that that's you're like openly dating, but you're not looking for the one.

But I don't think that I was ever looking for the one.

I was having fun with one and it was like, oh, this is cool, and then it wasn't cool no more, and then he went to Target.

So that is what happened with that. But I and I also.

Like that text about it being stressful and not knowing what I want and not knowing what I need.

It's like, well you should.

If it's stressful to be with somebody, why are you with that person? Can we be adults about this, Like if somebody is like any time you're getting ready to see somebody, you're like your heart is beating and your palms are sweaty, and you feel like eminem in eight miles. Then maybe you need to sit and think about why

Is wrong here. You would have just said I'm not going to disappoint you.

I'm going to try my best to bla like, but the language was ah, this is hard.

You are hard.

This is hard, and it's like, okay, well if it's hard, then stop doing it because I'm done. It's really not that, it's actually quite easy. Like, yes, relationships overall take work.

For I mean, I will say I will say.

You know you guys, remember when I was in a long, long relationship and I felt like that, But it had nothing to do with her. It was just like I was mismanaging my life and my emotions.

And it was like, I can't really be in a relationship right now.

I need to focus on me and work the work that I have to do within myself. So I don't necessarily think that like the last person that I was with was stressful, but me trying to make someone, not make them happy, but me just trying to be a present person when I I really couldn't.

That is stressful.

Okay, I received that friend, but I also don't care. I mean, you know, these things happen, and we have instincts and intuition and we have them for a reason. And everything in my mind was like should I should get in like I knew and I shouldn't have been there on Friday.

I was just being a horny little Haitian.

And I was like, you were, lady.

I was like, I'm just sit on it and leave.

And then it was like you, we're ready.

I was fully prepared.

So like what you're saying about being in a relationship with somebody and being you know, dealing with depression and like being on edge about making somebody happy when you're.

Not happy is all valid. But and that may or may not be the case here with him, but it also doesn't matter. He's not my man no more.

And uh, we're you know, we're moving on working that word friend and it is what it is.

You know, I'm a grown up.

I mean, you're taking this hit different, hit different, hy different hit different. I I just right now, I mean, just this would be tough for me to like let go of somebody because it feels good to like know that somebody is available and can talk to you and eventually were like an available babe.

This person was at Targa, So that's unavailable to me, you know.

And you, I mean, honey, if your emotions are still in the uber, we can't work.

This is not gonna work.

If you forgot your emotions in the uber, just get back in the uber, babe, babe.

Andrew, you have, that's what you do.

I don't know, I'm just like, I just think it's really great that you had this experience where it's like you're able to talk about it and be like, Okay, it happened, and I know this is not what I like. You know, he still left you at his apartment. He didn't rightfully, like not rightfully, he didn't like tell you to like leave his apartment, you know while he was gone, you know.

So yes, okay, okay.

So I don't know. I don't think he's as villainous as maybe we're making him out to be.

I'm not saying that he's the villain.

I'm saying that I knew I shouldn't have been there, and I went after breaking this person to spin out of the.

Night right because that's because that's less scary than meeting up with someone else that would be insane. You know, I'm.

Back out here.

Wendy Williams says the best way to get over a man is to get under another man.

So we are taking relationship advice from when Williams.

You won't no no offense. We just can't and we won't and we shouldn't.

And I should take from Wendy Williams is that it's how to get over somebody is to get under somebody else.

I say take I say take her tea.

And even that's like girl misinformation all the time.

Sources say that's wrong.

She doesn't even know how to pronounce corona. She pronounces it cornova.

Hilarious, full mess.

Well, she's a mess. I hope she gets the help that she needs. But these things happen, and it's fine.

Sometimes I wish that.

I wish I wasn't a serial monogamous person. I wish I, like, I haven't had a well I did have a like an eat prey local hoe situation, you know, years ago, but I never really got to like go off as an adult adults, like my own apartment, you know, just having different people up in my in my crib doing what I want. I didn't have a uh, she's gotta have it, Nola Darling type of life.

And so sometimes I'm like damn.

But also I'm like yo, I'm tired, I am exhausted, I can't and the apps are stupid and people are dumb and not in good places.

Right now.

This is just I commend you. I salute you.

I am tipping my motherfucking hat Forrie because you're doing the work.

You're doing the work.

No wording that you're using makes it seem like I got a revolve and ass door of an.

No no no no no no no no no no no no.

No, doing the work, babe.

And it's like, oh, I mean they're like you. Some people act like, oh my god, I didn't.

Work out with somebody, What am I gonna do?

I'm stuck, And you were like, actually, no, I'm gonna get Mike. I'm gonna get i HO adjacent cape back on and get back in the streets.

It's a whole cloak. Uh well, yeah, I think it's.

Because, as we said, I stop seeing this person. I broke up with this dude like three weeks ago, so I've had time to think about why I needed to do that before I did it, because it was like a build up, and then after it happened, it was like I felt lighter.

It was like, oh, that was what I needed to do. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

That doesn't mean that I didn't miss, you know, banging them, but I ultimately like know that I did the right thing by ending things.

He's not in the like we're not in the right place. Our lives are in two completely different lanes right now, and it's like I don't have to actually be here.

I chose to be here, and now I feel dumb and I'm mad about it and I'm leaving.

So that's it's not that.

I'm like I'm more mature and also like I don't when somebody shows you the true colors, you just gotta believe them, siss. And it was like I knew what you were when I got here on Friday.

What's that true colors?

Uh, it's like your aura is very shady. It's it's in the air. Yeah, we talked full circle. Sys, Let's go back.

To uh the beginning of the episode.

It's a little orange. But I mean, I don't know.

I feel like Sidney, you're a nice person and you sometimes put people above yourself and you could take better care of yourself but you don't want to. But I feel like you're doing some of the work and you just got to keep doing that work, that's all. And you like being in relationships. You love a long ass relationship, Sydney and miss Bitch.

I just it's not that I don't get complacent.

It's just like I know know that I have ADHD and I can't.

I can't have all these you know that.

You know what I tried to do in the beginning of the quarantine, and that was just dumb.

So I gotta stay more focused.

Well, we're not all built the same. Some people like being in relationships.

They find what they like, they find what makes them feel good, and they they're there. Other people, you know, they it's like a buffet. They want a little bit of everything. They want somebody to do this, They want somebody to do that. They're like, well, I need this person for that. This person eats my ass, this person has a car, you know what I mean. Like people, some people like to do a little bit of everything, and some people like to one person to do everything for them.

So I think that's who we are.

Friend. Yeah, Andrew, I'm surprised that you didn't change your name.

Oh, I'll change it right now. Let's see.

I think we name yeah, because you know, I'm taking a picture of it.

There we go, Marie, Do.

I like that? I love that for you.

I'm gonna I'm gonna forget that I named myself this and go into the next zoom and fully.

Be Marie no, No, I think it'll go back to the default.

You'll go back to Is that true? Yeah, so it does.

I don't want an hr complain.

A zoom background. It don't come back for the next thing. I actually don't know how to do background.

Wait does this man listen to the podcast? Still?

Surely do? Sure? Sure does?

Okay, just wanted to clarify. Okay, Well, I.

Didn't say anything bad, anything bad, and I said all things that I would say to him if I ever responded to his text. But you know, also he should it be listening to the podcast because I'll stress you about So why are you listening?

Why are you listening to me? At work?

Oh my god, Marie, Marie, you feel some type away?

Feel some type away? You feel some type away?

Anyway, I feel fine. Anything else on the docket for the day? Andrew?

Uh, where are you in terms of single ass Marie and monogamous?

Where?

Oh?

I'm leaning more toward the Sydney of it all.

Ay, let's go, let's go.

Okay, Yeah, no, it's been. It started off, like, you know, a week before quarantine meeting up and I was like, oh, I don't know if I would like typically like still see that person. But like just the fact that you know, we were like comforting each other during the craziness.

Of marchin comforting each other exactly.

Yes, And I love.

A support uh dog type of situation.

Yes, support dog Dick. Yes, I hate that visual. That's disgusting. I will write it down if you'd like. But yeah, no, it's it's going well.

Emotional support, Dick.

Emotional support Dick.

Okay, that's what it is.

We're talking about the.

Dogs, Dick, and we don't want to we don't want to talk about that, but.

We do want people to click. So I'm just saying.

Emotional support, Dick. I think they'll come.

Out for Okay, Okay, so go ahead, Andrew, you were comforting each other.

Emotional and and I don't know how much I want to, like, I guess talk about it in a public format.

But wow, things have changed.

That's how you know. That's how you know? Like I care?

Yeah, yep, So what the fuck are me and Marie?

We care?

Yeah, Marie's pretty complacent about this man listening to this entire episode. Uh so, yeah, no, it's going well. He met my mom and sister the other day.

Oh bitch, Oh wow, you're beyond Sydney.

You are you getting a ring? He went to jail.

Okay, No, here's the thing I was.

I was, here's the thing. Here's the thing.

Over the weekend, while everyone was celebrating in their in their giant cities, I was at home and in Red County, you know what I mean.

I can't believe.

I'm blown away that you would take you would take your gay ass all the way to Long Island.

I'm not from Long Island for the last time, Sydney, from from New Jersey, Long Island from like the southern point of New Jersey, and uh, and so like no one was celebrating on Saturday. It's like another day, no one. It was whatever, And so I wanted to come back. Even Kathy, Kathy was Kathy.

Yeah.

I mean we went to the beach and we had she had her first white claw on the beach. It was cute, and so that was a celebration. Then on Sunday, my mom obviously doesn't want to drive all the way back to New York City. That's like a two and a half hour drive one way, and so my you know, emotional support. Dick. He texted and he said, I can pick you up, and I was like, you're not coming all the way.

Either, so we just can't pick you. Now that gets me wet, I can pick you up.

Whoa, And so we met halfway.

Yeah, list so your mom drove you an hour, he drove an hour.

Yes, Oh, you guys are in college. That's so cute.

You have laundry in the car.

Oh yeah, of course, yeah, one car to the other. It's going well, oh he has a car. Well he's here's he's from New Jersey. He lives in New Jersey. That's a little bit of a dowd. But you know that means he has a really.

Nice you say it, down grade.

Lower at a lower volume university.

Yes, that should be the title. Dating in New Jersey is a downgrade.

It's getting a little long.

You're right, you're right, Okay, Sorry.

You're trying to alienate the New Jerseyans.

Absolutely, especially if they're voting for fucking drunk.

Did Jersey go blue or red?

Blue? But there's like, you know, it's there's parts that are read obviously.

Yes, well, most of the country is red.

The major the majorly populated cities are blue, and that's what turns the state red.

I mean, oh, Wow, what are time to be alive?

Everybody's in love and living their very best lives this week.

I love this for us.

I mean I saw Marie on Saturday and I was like, wow, Marie looks so good.

I would date her.

Thank you Sidney emotionally support coach.

I was like, damn Saturday, I almost tried to try tried to hold your hand when we were in the park.

Well, that's because your fingers were cold and you were.

And so I was holding Devin's hand. I was so cold.

First of all, watch it it was hot on Saturday.

Yeah, it wasn't cold. What are you talking about.

We were outside in no coats. The park felt very.

I am legend, but like instead of zombies, it was young, drunk white people and at.

One point they started, which are also zombies.

This drunk girl came over to us and she's like, when I say Biden, you say Harris.

And we just looked at her and she was like, what the fuck?

Really? So you voted for Trump?

And it was like, bitch, if you don't take you and your skippies out of here goodbye, you gonna.

Get them rolled up. Tori Birch flats up out my.

Face, but yeah, she she was very drunk. Everybody in the park was wasted. And at one point somebody started lighting fireworks and we were like.

We gotta go.

Some some white guy was burning a flag.

It was crazy. I was like, what is this? Are we gonna die here tonight?

We gotta go. Sprinklers.

The sprinklers went on and caught people and that was so funny. Yeah, that I loved. I love to see.

I do actually love that. All in all, a beautiful saturday.

Oh but before uh well not before we go, but oh, I I have an update that.

You know, my lover is gonna be here for a while.

And I'm really excited because I think when I get in the house by myself, like I love my space because I know that I'm going to procrastinate, I'm gonna bullshit procrastinate bullshit, I'm gonna get in a really dark place and I don't have to worry about somebody hovering over me, and so I think it's probably best that somebody is here making sure I'm like getting up and I'm eating and I'm making sure there's lights on in the house and not being in the dark.

I feel like there's always lights on at your house. Don't do that. You definitely don't need nobody, don't.

It wasn't like that pink like light.

He doesn't turn them off, So what do you say?

No? But I think I need to stop.

I like love when it hits five o'clock because then it's like, hey, I can make it look like a nightclurb in here, and it's just like, girl.

You're the only person that's getting excited about it being pitch dark at five. I hate this. This is the world.

Yesterday I spent most of the day procrastinating because I was like, oh, I'm gonna do this and then I'm gonna go outside this And then I looked and I was.

Like, why is this so dark? It's nice time? And it was five pm? And I was like, why did anybody tell me? I mean, I guess it was a little bit earlier than that. But the sun starts to go down. I think at like three it does.

It really really does.

So Sidney, you're gonna have somebody to chaperone you, is what you was saying.

Not chaperone, but just hold me accountable and make sure that like you know, because I forgot that, like oh, I was already depressed, right, So then there's like pandemic depression, and then there's seasonal depression. So it's like a depression sandwich in this bitch, and I can't have this. I'm not on this time. I'm not on my watch. That's nonexistent. Yeah, you're definitely doing with like double stuffed depression over there.

Here, and it's like, yeah, yeah, this is my space.

I mean it's up and down, but usually I like to be here by myself for.

The most part.

But every once in a while, like my cousin will will be like, I'm downstairs with some banana pudding and I'll be like, it's always nice to see him, you know, he like always makes me feel better because he's just nice. And then certain friends will come over and it's like, I guess it's nice to see her too.

Is she talking about me?

Who knowsh You'll never know but you'll never fucking yo.

But yeah, I think.

It's important to not isolate ourselves. And I'm saying that as somebody who likes to be in the house by myself. But I think it's important too. Even if you're giving yourself like maybe two days a week where you either one you go to somebody else's house or two you invite someone into your space. I think that that is very important, you know, safely, of course. But I mean, I'm having y'all come over this weekend. This weekend and I'm cooking for my friends.

I can't wait. I'm going to kiss you on the mouth. What. Yeah, I'm excited.

I don't know where you're cooking, but whatever, it is going to be, like, m better. Yeah, I'm looking at recipes on the Epicurious in the New York Times.

What should I cook for the week?

Do you have?

Do you have something that you a suggestion friend that might get my creative cooking juices flowing?

Something with noodles? Okay, like Apasta?

When is sid can Cook coming back? We talk about it?

Or maybe when is it coming back?

Baby? Yeah?

I think I I think I've hit rock bottom right now in the sense that like I don't want to do anything, Like I stayed up all last night trying to finish this writing packet and I just don't.

I don't have it any and so I want to do sid can't cook, But I'm also like, I don't. I don't have it. I don't have it.

If somebody, if Carolina came down here and helped me set up, I could probably do it. But me having to do it on my own and like go to the grocery store and and then set everything. Marie, you saw when you come here, Like I'm doing it all day and I'm going crazy and I'm making sure everything is on time, and and she's eating the oven at noon. It's like this here oven is hot, but she's putting on a look. She's encrusting her eyes with jewels.

She's sick, can't cook. Is an all day affair for real?

And I get it.

Yeah, I guess it's draining, but I mean not.

Really, It's just one day. It's like one day girl that actually you enjoyed doing.

But I think I.

Definitely have to go get a therapist again, because I think I'm in a I think I'm in a.

Really not a good place. I'm not. I don't think I am.

Okay, actually, well, I mean I think that you just said that you're in a double triple stuffed depression sandwich a big mac if you will. But you know, I had been doing a lot of research on depression recently because of, you know, my current situation. And it's more than just antidepressants. It's you have to make lifestyle changes. The food that you eat affects your mood, the like working out is also something that like makes people happy

When it comes to depression.

Yeah, no, absolutely, And I know that from just like personal experience, because yeah, I'm on antidepressants and.

I'm I'm doing better than I.

Was last year, but oh my god, like I'm still struggling. So I don't even know how I was managing last year, to be honest, And it's gracious, you know, like I still feel blah, Like I got I got some kind of good news yesterday, and I felt nothing. I was just like, Okay, and yesterday, oh about that podcast for Sydney is cheating on this podcast with yet another podcast.

I'm not cheating. I'm trying to double the numbers, honey.

Okay. I love that for us.

And I'm trying to get Marie more money.

I love that for me even more.

I'm trying to get and I'm trying to get Andrew some work.

Okay, So Sydney, what are you gonna do? What are I mean? Today? The week is almost over? What are some things we're gonna do?

Maybe give me like two give me something you're gonna do this week to combat this feeling of blindness.

I have to clean my house. Like my house is just.

I hate it, like it's probably the worst it's ever been at this moment.

Really let me see.

Yeah, I feel like you just showed the other corner. I'm like, Okay, it looks fine.

The living room is okay, but like the second bedroom, oh my god, so rich the second bedroom is isn't mess my bedroom?

I have like clothes on the floor.

Remember when I took those clothes out of my dresser, They're still on the floor.

Well, no, I think I close.

I don't remember that, friend, when.

You came over for turkey burgers, I had clothes all over the floor, right, But.

I don't remember you taking them out. I just feel like that's.

Why I was on the phone with you when I took them out of my dresser.

So to answer your question, remember when I took those clothes out my dresser?

Remember?

I don't remember.

But Sydney, I feel like there's always clothes on your floor. You you get back from a trip and the suitcase be on the floor with the cat laying in it.

I think the cat broke the microphone. To be honest, do.

Not blame it on the cat. Don't do that.

Dam is heavy.

Jam also stole Marie's headphones to.

Wait.

So what you're saying that the cat laid on the microphone?

I think so or or I could have just stepped on it by accident, But I think it's jam.

Wow, friend, Yeah, I was.

I think I I think I cried twice this week and it's just Wednesday, so.

It's fine.

I'm going to give my period soon, so that's probably what it is too.

But what are you crying about?

What am I crying about? Yes, like you want me to be honest on the podcast.

Yes, that's all.

I want you to do on the podcast is be honest. I'm honest here, what are you crying about?

This is a safe space.

Well, we got to wrap this up soon, so I don't want to. I don't want to end on a sad note. But like my existence, it was so sad.

I was like, why am I here? I'm like, oh my god, I need crying about Sydney. Yeah, oh girl, you got to.

Call a therapist tonight, like yesterday, Like, let's matter of fact, let's zoo a therapist.

Maybe they'll have headphones.

Yeah maybe, okay, Andrew, he's a comedian, but also Sydney, Like that's something that you can't that can't be your every day.

You cried twice this week about your existence?

Yeah yeah.

I just was like, man, I can't get it together, like I really, I really was like, let me.

It's not about me wanting this job.

I just wanted to prove to myself like oh I can write this packet, you know. And so it just took me forever to start, and then I started it and then I was writing things down. I was like, Okay, I'm not I'm not stupid, like I I do have ideas, But then I was like, am I even funny anymore?

I feel like.

Such a different person than what I was maybe four months ago. And we're all different people than we weren't four months ago. We've all changed in the last year. We're coming out different than we're going in. But I think that the way that you're thinking about yourself is obviously not.

The best way to think about yourself.

No, a lot of it's more normal right now than you think it is. Yeah, but it just like like today is gray and I'm just like and then I'm like, it has nothing to do with my age, but I'm just like, what am I doing?

Doude? I even want to do comedy anymore? Oh?

Yeah, girl, I think about I think that at least once.

A day people message me and they're like, hey, girl, audition for and I'm like, I'm retired. I said that I'm retired on Instagram and somebody was like why, and I was like, girl, don't nobody.

Want to do a show outside in the ring on a sidewalk.

And hearing the train pass by. Yeah?

No, but Sydney, please don't bring this energy to my house. On Friday for this dinner.

I'm not I promise I won't.

But and I'm not saying that to be like insensitive.

If you feel like that, I think all of us being together on Friday is gonna be good for us.

So you know, if that's how you feel, then when then we'll deal with it when it gets here.

But no, no, no, I get it.

But also it's like you don't want to bring your I don't want I don't want to bring nobody down right now.

Everybody is already down where they are. I'm just yeah, it sounds it sounds.

Like you need to call on Nicole Kidman and be undoing. I feel like that she was like a therapist on that show.

So maybe you need to.

Yeah, But you can't think of yourself as a burden though. I feel like that's what you're thinking about yourself.

Yeah, I went down.

I went down a bad rabbit hole on Monday, and so I'm still having the effects of that or rabbit hole.

What you were looking at stuff on social media?

Uh? Sometimes a friend of a friend, Okay, now it's really getting dark. Wow, all right, a friend of a friend had died and it was like the person died of suicide, and then there was all this stuff on the thread like this person is so selfish and how could you Like now everybody is traumatized.

And they're thinking it's their fault.

Like I'm reading all these these comments and I was like, oh my god, you don't even know, like you're being selfish?

Well you don't know what this person.

Was freaking going through or how they feel, Like do you know how hard it is for somebody to get the strength to feel like they don't want to be here anymore?

Like, come on, dude.

So I'm just I guess I'm just feeling conflicted from the stuff that I know. Okay, well, I don't want to say the wrong thing, but.

You can never say the wrong thing.

Yeah, so I'm just going.

Guys, well I'm saying on behalf of my friend. She doesn't say wrong things to me. She always makes me feel like I'm listened to and loved, and she's only going to say the thing that can push me in the right direction. Except I feel like you called me on Monday and I didn't kick up. I was watching TV and I was like, I don't want to be on FaceTime right now. I'm watching something but I also didn't know you were, you know, going down a rabbit hole.

And I you know, didn't want to be on FaceTime.

But that's fine. You don't have to be on FaceTime. It's good.

People need to take their time and they don't need to push themselves too much. You deserve your time and your space. And I like to have boundaries too. But do you have someone that you can actually I mean, I guess that's the thing about therapy, friend, you call your therapist when you really need to speak to somebody.

Yeah, ok, yeah, right in the mic what I said?

Yeah, right in the mica.

Sorry.

I remember when someone wrote on the the iTunes reviewer like when Sydney Yawn's ion too, but not because not because the podcast is boring, but it just like it. It's uh contagious.

Yeahous uh yeah.

Apparently sometimes there are some people that when they see you yawn, it makes them yon too, But I am not one people.

So I watched you do it with a straight face.

No, it does look really relaxing, it does seem nice, but I'm not gonna yawn as a result.

No, okay, sorry, Well, yeah, I'm gonna try to get to finding this therapist this week the rest of the week. I'm I'm kind of just gonna give up on this packet and just email my agent like, hey, I just I'm pressuring myself. And it's like, if I don't want to do something, it's okay. If I don't want to do it, like there's other things that I do, then it's fine. It's like, why am I breaking myself down for something that I'm I just don't have it in

Yeah.

I think it's really really commendable that you tried it, you know, in the first place. I think that you know, that takes a lot of courage to even try it. With the amount of things that you already have going on. But like the fact that you already have so many things I feel like in your bucket right now that are positive. I just I would suggest holding on to those and and like really catering to the things that you already have going on instead of bringing in other forces.

Thank you, Andrew.

A word from the wise.

Thank you guys.

I guess yeah, all right, this has been a lovely podcast. I'm glad we do this. We do this every Friday. You know, hug your friends, tell them you love them. Break up if you need to. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Break up now, break up now, and.

Only hug your friends. Don't hug your Trump supporter friends that he said nice to them.

No, you don't have to be nice to them. If they choose hate, then you can leave them. You can hate them. They're dead to us.

Yeah, say no if you have to.

And you know, if you see someone that you have been dating and you think it's going in a good place, let them meet your mom.

Let them meet your mom.

Yeah, oh yes, yeah, yeah, it was nice. He was. It was like a normal interaction. I was concerned, but it was.

Good, like a freeway like a parking lot of Jenny's.

Like the parking lot of a you know, like the the trucker stop, you know.

Yes, yeah, so there was a it was an Rby's.

Yeah.

Okay, guys, we'll have a fabulous week.

Please bring the energy from Saturday, uh into the rest of the week that you guys coming up.

Because at the end of the day, Trump did lose, and.

He's got the L. He's got to take that L. And if he doesn't take the L, and I'm gonna shove that L up his ass.

No, Okay, more button some emotional support, Dick, Bye, guys.

Bye, Forever Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production.

The Unofficial Expert is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio and Alex Ramsey.

Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at Foreverdog.

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