Cancelledt

Forever. Hey, Hi, Hello, Hello, is it me looking for.

Lione old Ritchie in his big ass head? Did you guys see that video? Do you remember the video?

Yeah, there's a blind student in his like art class or something that's making a sculpture of his big ass head.

But I couldn't get past you know, his hair, that like drippy ass Jerry Curl.

That's what they were doing back in the day. I couldn't. I was just like, there's too much product.

Like I would hate to be near him because I feel like I would just get a Jerry Curl just standing next.

Contact high, Yeah, contact high. But I feel like that was what they were doing with their hair.

What is that eighties? Late eight I don't know. It was before our time was seventies. Wasn't nobody on the studio live one?

Yeah?

I know nothing about it? But can we like so we talked to I don't know.

I just I'm trying to imagine what people's pillows used to look like gonna do when Jerry Curl came over, Like you just sleep.

On a sponge, that's all it is. You know, those spongy type pillows like.

The Sharper image. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what you sleep on.

Yeah, memory phone, that's what exactly where you finish my sentences.

And I love it. That's why we are friends.

Friends. How many of us have them? Friends?

Marie?

So we started it off, you know, me being very ratchet.

I'm taking my taking her braids out.

I feel like I'm in Compton watching someone you know, do the hair on the porch.

It's very Friday it is. You look like can I borrow your VSA? You look like she's gonna be a crackhead. Crackheads don't take their braids out. Their braids fall out. Okay, and Andrew is looking at the experience like, ah, this is the Black Natural History Museum right now.

Wait, so you're just putting it on the floor.

This is my home, friend, and you know she's gonna leave him right there. I will not, I will pick it up. I've been raised better than that. I should have had a plastic bag, but you definitely should have a plastic I should.

Have had a plastic bag.

But you know, all we have is brown bags here, and you know my hair doesn't deserve to be in a brown bag.

But so what do you do with this?

Now?

That's just okay?

We can't reuse this. It's an out real hair, honey, it's since attique.

I mean, if she wanted to reuse it, she could, but I mean, you cut them too high.

What how do you reuse this? First of all, this is dirty as fluck, but also how long? How long you leave your braisen for? Like a month?

Maybe it depends, It depends if it looks really fuzzy and messy. It's just like I got to take it out.

Well, I mean, you have a nice blouse on, you go into the hair salon, real cute today.

Well, darling a weather shirt yesterday walk a shame blouse.

I can tell about the fact that it ain't wow you dragon fruit, he said, I can't tell.

What's more raggedy? Your shirt?

Oh?

Your hand?

Oh it's pressed.

Like you you're pressed, press, press, press, press, You're pressed on the pod.

Shut up?

You see, this is what happens when you get these people a mike. Those people now.

I listened back to the Ashley episode We're friends. I feel bad for being mean.

Yeah, you mean to me? What do you think, Marie? I feel like, y'all, I don't think that Andrew is mean to you. I think that you Andrew. What, No, you're first of all a mean person, So we don't even want your.

And me and Andrew did not go back and forth on the Ashley episode or the episode before that, or the episode before that.

Well, first of all, Andrew is scared of you. So Andrew's not scared of me. Andrew is in love with me.

I'm not scared of Marie exactly. I just felt bad for calling you out in front of.

In front of company, in front of company.

Yeah, it was very unprofessional. It's not like producer like all of but you know.

Well this is casual here, you know, it's forever loose. Yeah.

Yeah, you asking me to moan in the last.

What's wrong with that? I mean, the people want to know.

The people just give us.

Okay, Sidney, you got to pick a legsis. He said, it's either professional or or not. This is professional unofficial expert.

Well, I think this is the only podcast that has their producer on the mic.

Uh No, what makes you saying now? I got upgraded.

Because Larry is a fan of this podcast. Ah, don't do it, don't you dare, don't you don't you there? There is no thanks. Somebody gives no thanks to us. Huh huh, said you want to have to give you some glory, which no, no, I'm just saying, just don't forget.

I got you a bagel this morning and you haven't touched it.

Well, I'm going to eat it. You know, Guys, I just started zolof So my appetite is weird. Geez thinks a lot.

So what does it mean you're not hungry at all or you're always hungry?

No, my appetite is weird. Like I just I can't eat because I feel nauseous. Well, aren't you just supposed to eat before you take your seat? I had something to eat before. What did you have?

I had a pancake, A pancake, Sydney. That's not eating. I aw a pancake one, not even a stack.

I had something in my stomach, but I felt nauseous.

I'm sick.

Don't talk to me like this, Sydney.

I'm trying to help you.

You're supposed to eat something before you take this medicine.

And you said you had a pancake. I had one pancake and it was good enough for me to put something in my mouth.

No, but if you don't eat enough, you'll be nauseous, are you not?

Like?

No, if I eat too much, which I did yesterday, I still felt sick. So it doesn't matter long as I have something in my stomach.

Sydney, I'm I think you need to check what a professional on this, But I feel like you're doing it wrong.

No.

They said to eat in which I've been eating.

But I also am like, I feel nauseous, so I can't eat everything I eat enough, Thank you, doctor Fauston.

Okay, Sydney, you're telling me that you got an issue. I'm trying to help you fix it, and you're telling me that what I'm saying is not what it is.

So you're just gonna keep doing what you're doing.

So what you doing, I'm gonna try to eat more, But it's just my appetites weird.

What do you think?

Well, last episode you were talking about that you were eating too much. Yes at the diner. Yes, you're eating a lot.

No, she's said that she's eating less, she eaten better, she eating clean. Now she only eats six fried chicken wings.

Oh my god, that's how many comes in in order, bitch, none of a celery. You don't even look at that. She's like what's that green stick that water, that watery green stick.

But yeah, so go ahead and your fish.

But then, yeah, you can't eat when you're nauseous.

But you also shouldn't take the pills on a nippy' stomach because that makes you nauseous.

Wanting a whole pancake. Look at that come through shod. That's the shod.

Shodd.

That is style, shy and shoddy with a buddy.

Well, you know that's just what happened.

Well, they said it's.

Gonna take you some two weeks, so you know, you fight through this for the next two weeks.

Who else is on meds that listens to the pod?

Well, I feel like all of y'all because the way y'all be in the DMS, I'm like everybody's everybody.

Is everything that we share. Someone is like, oh, I too have banged a homeless man. Yeah, I too have HPV.

I got my results back from my biopsy.

Don't have HPV. Okay, so look at that. God, let's talk about that. What does that?

How does that make sense?

Well?

I guess it because there's no cure for it. It goes away on its own time. So when I initially got tested in July, I must have had it, right, And then when I got my biopsy in September, it was gone, hmm, my God always provides.

But how did they test it before? Did you get a paps mare?

Oh?

My paps mare came back abnormal and they're like, you probably got it.

Oh, but that's probably. That doesn't mean that you have But that's what they said to me in the letter. And then when I went in for my biopsy, they were like, no, you got it.

And I was like, but the letter didn't say but they didn't.

They said that before you before you took the biop c. Because then they go in after this the papsme, that's that was abnormal. R go in and they like, I told you they cut a piece of my cerface off. But yeah, but they did the biopsy and that's how you know for sure that I don't have it.

Since that's malpractice, you can sue him for telling you.

That you had HPV city I had it in July. I don't have it in September. No, but they did not know for sure. They just told you that. They think that you have no.

Lawyer.

Okay, now she now she's a doctor. That's malpractice. Marie okay, Jacobia Meyers okay, Seleno and Barnes, God, God, she thank you. I mean they they didn't know for sure that you had HPV. They took a pap smear and it was abnormal. That doesn't mean that you have HBV. That's malpractice.

It's my parenthood. You know, I played out of pocket. I ain't got no shurance. So like whatever he told me, I was just like, this is what it is. You know, I didn't really.

Oh is that slander? Slander? Slander on peepee? Shot shot? You're shotting a peep peepee, which is honestly the I I love plant parenthood.

It's been through so many times with me, or you've been through so many things, so many things have gone through and come out.

I mean, and look at look at us now we can see clearly clearly now the rain is gone, the baby's gone.

When you go to planned Parenthood to get like tested for STDs, they just prick your finger apparently. But like when you go to CDMD, they need to take like a whole vial.

No Plant Parenthood takes. They take the saliva. They take the saliva, and they've taken blood too, and they take cooch swabs.

Yeah, so which plant parents are you going to do?

You must be going to Like, I've never been to a plan so what the you talk about?

Someone?

They said that they suggest going to planned parenthood.

Instead because they take less blood.

It's just like they just prick your finger and they tests you were the same thing.

No, honey, need everything, take it all. I don't care. I don't know.

I need my blood in my body. I've never donated blood because I need it.

No, I don't donate blood, but I want to make sure, like maybe the swap thing doesn't work.

Makes just test my blood make sure. I think it depends on what they're testing for.

Yeah, if you're like test for everything, then they gonna do all the different types of tests.

Yes, I guess. Yeah.

Since this is why you should never talk to your friends about medical stuff, because we don't fucking know we.

Are like we are web MD.

I mean prior to this, papsmere this year, I hadn't been to the doctor in years, legit years, I mean, so screams just out here just HPV up. No, but you were never you didn't have h feet, we said, Sue Sydney.

I probably have had it for like the last three years now, and then all of a sudden I went and got my past.

That's finally hold on, hold on. Then I went to get my Pastmeir in July and it was still there. And then by the time I showed up in September, it was like, and we're.

Out says that don't make no sense.

All of a sudden, it's one of those things that's like, oh my god, I've been I've been found out about and now I'm gonna gotta go. They're on it. You'll never get me Copples. It went on Travelocity and it was like, we gotta take a trip, packed a bag in my box. Yeah, I mean, it's fine. Whatever, I'm suing for you.

I feel I feel good. What do y'all think? Nobody?

I think you should take another biopsy. You will find out Sydney. No, I'm not getting it.

They clipped a piece of me. A piece of me is gone.

Okay, this is why I'm skinnier now.

A part of my body is gone.

It's so hot.

To sig abye of a piece of Maurice's cood. Yeah it's gone anyway. Whatever. So a bunch of people shared that they had that. So that's interesting.

But anytime we say something on the podcast, somebody's like, I too have done this.

I killed about it. Two ones, blah blah blah, Like it's hilarious. Can y'all tell me about you know, the meds, the antidepressants. Who's on it? How do you feel?

Tell me the ones that like really work? Because I'm want zoloft, but you know I'm on the generic kind, so it's not like brand.

Yeah, they didn't come in a pill bottle. It came in a little bad.

Yes, it's my zolof is actually called Felicia Rashad.

So it's generic.

Is it zoloft or zoloftoft?

Okay, so you got soloft two fs' off?

Oh w f off?

Yeah it has no l.

Off.

Well, yeah, you'll be fine. Friend.

I'm happy that you started and you've changed. You made a lot of changes this week, so I'm proud of you.

Baby.

Yeah, I'm making changes.

Uh, you know, just beds and relationships and stuff.

Things. Things are changing. Do you want to eleborate? You don't have to if you don't want to, obviously.

You know.

It's just this is a crazy time, crazy time for me.

I feel like I can't go into twenty twenty doing the same stuff that I was doing before.

So whatever that may be, twenty twenty, it's going to be different. You got to cry right now. I don't know. This stuff has got my emotions all fucked up. So we are fully prepared for some tears just list us in the studio or prepared if they come down.

I mean, I'm like low key always crying on the pod. So even when they don't know if I'm crying, I'm crying until you announce it, Sady, is that a tear? It's like, bitch, Like, what about the code?

The girl code?

The girl code is don't cry in the studio during the Unofficial Expert Podcast.

Is that true? That's the code here? Andrew?

Wait, when was the last time you've cried? Because I feel like you don't cry?

Nah cried when I thought I was dying from HBD playing parents. Actually yeah, I believe that, yes, fully, like eyes welled with tears. And they were like, don't get a juice and some crackers and some lollipops, and I was like, these crackers is expired. That's when I started trying. I was like, well, when did these saltines get Delivered. Delivered was in nineteen and Marie cried with a tea cried. You cried, I cried, You cried. We cried together together free You cried when you have HBV.

But meanwhile you were in the fucking group chat like it slip. No, it was.

I was devastated, and you were like, it's fine. Everybody has it. Not me though, and I was like ah. I was like, I gotta go home.

Yo.

You were you the way you plan. I was in the middle of moving out of my apartment, like.

I just it was.

I was because I was like, I have cervical cancer. I have cancer, and I don't have insurance and I don't know how I'm to pay for this. And this girl that I used to follow on Instagram died of cancer and I watched her post like every day or every week or whatever, and I watched her body.

Change and then she was gone. And then I went to this thing and they were like, well, you know, after a certain age, if you have it, it might turn into cervical cancer. And I was like what And they were like, Okay, I want to go get some juice. And I text you guys, and you guys were like, it's fine, it's fine, Marie. I was like, if you died, I would like, my god, Sydney, I can't, Marie, you can't say stuff like that, Oh my god, friend, stop crying. Oh my god, it's aloft.

We hate y'all. He's really crying.

Please wipe your tears with your braid's friend, Sydney. I don't know what I would do. I would I would if I devastated. Would you give a speech at my funeral?

I don't know.

I would be those people that like wouldn't be able to get up or talk or anything.

I wouldn't make it. You would be like one of like a go live, somebody go live. I'll be in another room. I can't make one of.

Those dramatic black moms. Why yeah, you would cry harder than my mom cried. I would outshine you get I don't know. My mother only cries once every ten years, so yeah, she grow less than me. So yeah, she'd be saving her tears.

Yeah. Wow, you've seen your mother cry before, Ramona?

Yeah, yes, but it was just like it was one of those annoying like why you fucking crying? Like you just want us to feel sorry for you for no reason, but my aunt, That's what I forgot to say it.

Uh. At my solo show, my aunt never cried. She would go.

Out side in like the middle of the night and cry outside.

That's worse.

Yes, yes, she would not. She would not let us see her cry. So how do you know she was going outside to do it? I would hear like some like weeping, weeping, and then she would she would come in and close the door, and I would be like, what just happened? And then the next day somebody had died, like she probably had found out that someone died, went outside, and then we find out the next morning that you know, uncle, Uncle sugar Doo died.

Uncle sugar Doo, may he rest in peace.

May he rest in peace? Who also put real locks on his refrigerator.

Oh that's a real person, sugar Do.

I thought we were just maybe No, no, no, no, no.

Uncle she could do was a real person.

Sugar Do lived in Little Rock, Arkansas and had the dustiest refrigerator and swore everybody was stealing his food and put a real lock and chain around his fucking frigidaire fridgina. That is old school, Yeah, girl, I know I'm reading. Uh, or I was reading Taraji p Henson's book Around the Way Girl, and she has a story similar like her great uncle or great grandfather or whatever down South when she.

Was growing up. It was that her, yeah, would put a chain on the fridge.

The house was so dirty that I was like, what makes you think that we want any of the food that's in here?

Oh?

Well, you know what, Maybe it's not Toagipans. Maybe it's a different book.

Okay, it's a book called Rabbit Work Ray. But I love that you're reading these books.

Well, yes, because I started these books and have nothingish. Well I finished Rabbit But anyway, that's what uncle.

She could do.

Sounds like a car like Proud Family spin off. I would watch un Let's write that.

Everything. Yeah, he had he had roaches, his biggest cats. Yeah, like like Mosquito's biggest bird.

Where was this Mississippi? Little Rock, Arkansas? Well, I feel like the bugs are bigger in the South. Yeah.

And my my grandmother would make us take a greyhound from New York too, Little Rock, and it was the worst experience that I've ever ever had in my entire life. She would fried chicken and have brownies and You're like, oh, we're about to get on this bus. It's about to be popping. And then there would be so many like layovers. We had to stop in different places to get to Little Rock. By the time we'd eat the chicken, it's like, oh,

Yeah, but when the fried chicken is fresh, fresh, it's good. When it's fresh, it's good. And then like, even if it's like a little bit soggy from being in the tubbleware, it's still good. If it hasn't been in the fridge, I feel like that's a good thing. It's not cold and soggy, it's just soggy and room tamp.

It was the worst. I'm so glad that you're alive, Marie. Thank you. I've been thinking about death a lot recently. Oh, your sadess. You might need to go to therapy. I think I need to go to therapy. Also.

Yeah, I'm also twenty twenty, not gonna start the year like this.

Yeah, so go.

I've been like, I'm very uh like a way of how mortal I am?

Does that make sense?

Morbid mortal?

Like I'm not immortal, like I will die one day.

I could fall down, Like if I walked down the stairs too fast, I could slip and million dollar baby myself.

I've said this before.

Or like if if it's raining and the sidewalk is wet and there's leaves on the ground, I'd be.

Like, whoa, let me slow down.

I'm walking.

I'm walking like an old person. I'm afraid that I'm gonna fall and break my hip or something. Okay, so maybe not die, but definitely hurt myself. Okay, but you're that's like fear though, Yeah, but it's something that is getting worse. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna hurt myself if I walk too fast.

Is that scared?

But meanwhile, you're doing all the things like you took a whole fucking trip by yourself.

Wasn't scared of that.

I was scared that I was gonna get kidnapped. Okay, well let's talk about let's talk about what happened last night.

So last night, I was supposed to go on a date with this guy and I was taking too long to respond to him on Tinder, so he was like, well, can we reschedule?

I made other plans. You took too long to respond, which you do, which I did? Wine, what do you do that to me?

Thank you so much? But I don't have none to do, so I'll be like okay, yeah.

I'm so available. Yeah, so you'll be having stuff to do. Shut up.

You'd be in and out of LA and I'd be like, well, I guess I'm just gonna I'd be like a little Smith in the episode where his dad didn't come see him, Why don't you want me?

That?

Would that be me?

When you're in LA. I'd be like, damn, no one wants to hang out with me.

No, why you don't want me back? And then I face time you while I'm in LA and I'm like, hey, Marie, I have no one to hang out with U. Miss you.

Wish you were here. And I'd be like, ah, I didn't know that we had a FaceTime schedule. I'm not gonna pick up after you do this story. I haven't had a story for you. Okay, I appreciate it. I can't wait to hear it. Yeah.

So this guy was like, okay, well I made other plans, but can I have your number?

Can we text?

That'll be faster, and I was like sure, I gave him my number, and we were talking, and I guess he realized that, oh, she's kind of cool.

He was like, oh, my friend is canceled on me. Oh he checked your Instagram. I didn't give him my Instagram or man, my last name is not on any of my.

He probably was like he probably put in your whole description comedian Marie Haitian.

He don't know none of that about me though. He just knows that I'm my name. I didn't even he doesn't know that I do comedy. Oh, because that's not anywhere on my profile. No standing on stage holding microphone pics name anyway. Oh that was shod, so shod, because a lot of comics they be having these photos on stage and you'd be like, this is a basement show.

It's two people watching you perform.

I was there.

You bomb you bombed, you not even funny anyway. So he was like, my friend's canceled on me. If you still want.

To meet, and I was like I didn't really want to meet anymore.

But I was like, yeah, I'm getting a haircut at the barber shop. I will message you when I get home. So we're talking and he just kept steering the conversation back to sex related things, and I was like, low key offen.

I was like, should I be offended? Like via text?

Via text?

Yes?

Like what? Like?

He was like we were having a regular conversation and he was like, what's your favorite sexual position?

Nigga? And I was like we first of all, you're terrible at sexing. That's not how you started up. I was like, you asked what do you like to eat? And then be like do you also like a no, what do you like to eat? Do you like, have you ever eaten pussy or something?

Right?

Right?

Like connected nick is small and d sir? Right?

What's your favorite position in sex?

So?

I was texting Carolina at the time, and I was like should I be offended?

And she was like hmm.

She was like answer the question and then ask him another non sex related question and see what he does work. So I was like, well, what is my favorite position in sex? So I had to think about it and then I responded, what is it? I'm not going to say that on the podcast, Why Sydney? What is your favorite sex position? Any position that I don't have to do anything great? Love it same, but sometimes like to be on top or on tip. Andrew favorite sexual.

Position missionary is always good for me?

And wait, how do never mind?

I don't want to know.

That was because she's like, well, what is a game?

Yeah, okay, our holes are in the same general area.

No they're not. Hall is not in the same They never had anal like missionary. Yes, that has hurt. That has hurt, and that the one of those amen. No, when I've had when it's gone in there, missionary is by accident. And I was like, I was like, Andrew, okay, So I answered the question and I was like, how is your Friday or what did you do today?

Answered, and he let me see it in a different place. And then he was like, well, do you still want to get a drink? Blah blah blah blah blah. I said no because I was home eating smoking chicken wine. I was like eating my little Hello Fresh, you know, the chicken fajitas as my mother would say, living my best life. Then this other guy who I had matched with and exchanged numbers with weeks ago called me, and I was in the show, but I was in the shower.

I was like, oh, I stopped that far, that's around the way from me.

Yeah, I said, uh sure, sure, left my house at two o'clock in the morning.

Clock in the you on your aprey. Oh seeze.

I was like, because this is what I'm doing, right, because we watch we all watched rom coms, we all watch television shows, we all watch this stuff where like these these main characters get into these situations where you're like, that don't happen in real life, right, Like in real life, I wouldn't, like, I mean, so me leaving my house at twolalok in the morning was essentially when Sarasica Parker left her house in the Sex and the City movie to go celebrate New Year's with Miranda.

You following you following a white woman and on an HBO show.

I'm just saying because it was close to literally the uber was like four dollars like it was.

It was quick.

You couldn't walk.

I could not. I could have walked, but I wasn't gonna two o'clock in the morning. But crazy, Oh am I crazy? Are you crazy? You're crazy? Anyway I got into I said I'm coming for one drink. I had one drink. Well. I love when somebody says I don't I don't normally do this, I'm coming.

I didn't say I didn't normally do this. I was like, I'll come meet you, but I'm coming out for one drink.

And he was like cool.

So I get there. He got sunglasses. One in the.

Bar says he's on Molly.

He's wearing all black. He looked like shaft. I was like, oh, okay, well, and he was tall, he's six or five.

Is he cute?

He was you got a picture? Yes, let me see. I mean I can pull up yeah, pull it. I could pull a profiles thank you. But this guy, every single time we started a conversation, next he tied it back to someone he was banging that he met on Tinder. And I was like, so we were trying to we were talking and I was like, why, why are you

There's a silent tea in the front and a loud tea at the.

End, Like you know how many seas you put in thick? How many teas you putting on your canceled.

Canceled anyway, So you know that we were I was there. I was out for like maybe an hour and a half. We had a drink and then I we went and got pizza and it was fine.

So it wasn't that bad. I was hungry.

Pizza by yourself?

Yeah, yeah, like let me see you Yeah, let's see the photo. Okay, Well that's what I did last night.

I went out for some raggedy pizza and a drink with shaft.

Shaft Yeah, so that you know, what did you guys do last night. How like, did y'all stay up?

Oh?

I went to bed immediately.

I was so out of it it was insane. But Marie, I'm glad that you went out and you know, you were adventurous and nothing happened. I mean it was like it's casual two o'clock in the morning. Is of course he had sunglasses on. That doesn't sound off brand for somebody hitting somebody up that late. He was like, yeah, I'm surprised he didn't have a double bag. He was like, soe head in it. Yeah, no, a double bag to stay with it. He was like, oh, I'm at this bar.

And I was like, so you can know where I live.

Not tonight, bitch. I would have got an uber around the corner though in the morning. Yea, I needed I need door to door surface, but I want a door. Well, I would have took that over, but I put a different address. I'll put in my neighbor's address.

Which is right next to my house. So if you come, if you stalking me and you come next door, you.

Gonna catch me coming outside.

No, you're gonna catch me coming outside my building because you're standing right next door. But you know what, there is kind of like a public place diagonally across from me that I could have.

Landmarks you could have used.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway, this dude, it was fine.

Let me see.

I think whenever you do these things like late night, you just screenshot it and send us to the group chat, so we know you were sleeping. I don't care you were knocked out.

Not bad, He's not bad. You can right here. An artist. Yeah, he's sketched. He asked if he could sketch me. Oh, you sent you send me this. Yeah, but that's how old. That's what I'm saying. That's how old.

Why does he want to wait until January.

As a show.

He's doing a show in January. He's an artist.

Oh did I talk about my art day? Did I talk about that? No, you didn't talk about that.

I'm just saying yes, the things that I wouldn't normally say yes to, just because it's like, well, something something that could happen that's interesting that I could talk about.

Right. This is the second artist that I went out with in a week.

Most of his pictures are his drawings. I don't think I like that.

Why he's an artist, he's trying to show his work. Yeah, it's his work site. Is he looks like that?

Yeah, it's the problem. He looks. He's tall and he's fine.

He kind of looks like that comedian also had sex with in Newark. But also, can you can see the comedian that guy he was he's a comedian now, but he was in a comedian When I'm met Andrew.

You can fully see his dick in these like race weapons. You didn't see that?

Oh I didn't even see that. Yeah, what is the lighting here? I'm not with it, but you can see the dick.

Dom he lives in a hospital.

Yeah, he got a roommate.

He asked, feel the very hospital. I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that. And then the other dude that kept asking, like was with the sex stuff? Is this this man let's see?

Okay, great?

Oh bitch, but but but but when we were gonna decide to meet for a drink, he was like, can we do something closer to us?

Because I picked something that tall?

This guy he looks short. He's giving me. But you didn't meet up with him? No, I didn't because he was like, because I picked a bar that was close to my house. Because I was like, if I'm running out to meet you and this is trash, I can run back home.

Oh my gosh, sick. Wait, that's the first picture. That's bold for the first picture.

What he wants to do is have sex sisy Brown? Right, But where are we doing this?

Okay?

Because he was like, can we do a bar closer to us? And I was like to us, I said, where do you live, Sidney? He lives down by your neck of the woods. Oh, and I live where I live?

Oh?

He laying down that I'm trying to relocate, Dick.

That relocation Dick.

It's like I'm trying to move out.

Of my spot into somebody else's. So I was like, I don't want to.

I didn't want to meet him because I was like, I'm not I'm not I'm bringing him back to my house.

I'm just changing my sheets on Tuesday, Marie, are you out of your epring hole face?

I feel like it's well, I just the way that this particular man it felt very like aggressively sexual.

And it was like, I tell you what.

She was doing all in Germany and West but that was that's on the road since domestically, domestically, I'm trying to like you want somebody to be like kind about it? No, I don't want you to be kind, but I need you to like. Can I meet you first? Can we meet for a drink?

And I see if I even like you before you start asking me what I like sexually?

Like, this might not affect you.

Hold on, Marie, how is what did you do in the summertime? Though? How is you? How are you addressing people in the summer.

You sound like him?

No? No, no, no, no, no, Sidney.

But that's that's why it didn't happen last night for me, because I'm allowed to I'm a woman.

I'm allowed to change my mind.

As Wendy Williams says, I'm allowed to be flip floppy. But if you're trying to bang me, I need to feel it needs to feel like a safe space. Also, I'm not going to East New York for your dick.

So since that tells that's why you were turned off, you were like.

Yeah, if you lived, if this guy messaged me in the morning, I would have I mean, I said yes for the other one, so I would have said yes for that, but he doesn't live close and it didn't sound like he was trying to jump in an uber to like even link up in my hood.

So I was like, well Sinceklyn and he was like, what do you do? But we texted all night and he was like, what are you doing right now? And I was like, eating, smoking, drinking offlins for you. He was like, oh, that sounds nice. Why didn't you invite me relocating? You don't want to be any he does not want to be in Brownsville.

You don't want to be Listen, that's what it is. I said, I don't know you. I don't I don't make it a habit of inviting strangers to my house.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, but I've never no, I've never invited a stranger to my house.

I've gone to their houses.

Yeah, but you're not.

Yeah, you murder me here, murder me here at the new house. I don't she with you, not messing up, you bringing a bad energy in here. I don't know you.

I'm with you, sist, but I also know don't sound.

Cis with the tsists. It we hate siss Okay, canceled though you're a cantat.

Anyway, thoughts on what happened last night.

Well, he looks so short, he looks tiny. Yeah, he's like five to seven top.

He's five six probably honestly that guy.

But he doesn't have anything in his tender bio exactly. That's alarming, alarming because it's.

Like there's nothing in it. He doesn't have anything. He didn't write.

Anything, there's nothing and so like to me, that's like saying like my pictures are enough, like you should want me just because of what I look like.

But that's the energy he and and yes, he looks short, and he's super African.

He is like the chain of Africa.

When you're doing African. That he's aggressive, but but I feel like because he's so aggressive problematic, I just said, no, I feel like the sex with him would probably be great. Absolutely just looking, I'm looking, I look could be said I was looking. I looked for you have I I'm gay as hell, straight as fuck.

Woo, that's much too Well.

The beard is a little but maybe he's SI. So maybe meet him for a drink and then bang him the second or do you want me to be near?

Maybe get meet him for a drink and I'll be near And if any thing is weird, I'll be.

Like, oh, Sidney, you just start crying.

No, I'll just wow. I cry one time on the pot. Now it's wow, Marie. I fucking opened up because I was wow because I just had a vision of.

You not being here and it broke me down.

Oh my god, Sydney stop. Wow, Sydney stop it, sis stop?

Are you gonna cry? Sisley? Sydney stop stip canceled, stopped, stopped.

Anyway.

My eyes hurt so I could cry. I'm tired, friend, I'm tired. I would till two three o'clock in the more stepped out at two. That's crazy.

I'm proud of you.

But let's talk about other things hard toivot.

No, that was great, thank you for sharing. Uh not letting me do like, go ahead, what sho should we talk about? Uh? Somebody hitting this up about.

What heres up? Oh?

Yeah, let's talk about it. So we got this merch out. It's cute. A lot of you guys are buying it. Ours is coming. Oh Andrew, did you order some sizes?

No?

The email I was attached on that email where they were like, hey, what are your sizes? Only addressing both of you, and I was.

Like, why didn't you get in there and see don't email you should have been. I have to order. I need to order some.

For the show because I feel like they are not going to give us enough.

How long will it take? I don't know. I'll overnight.

We should do it now, now, don't overnight to do it now. After we get off this episode, we'll order some. So we have shirts at the live show face.

Yes, ma'am for purchase for sale.

Well, I owe star, I star. You send me your sizes. I got you, boo. I'm going to order yours.

That's what we'll do.

Andrew. When we order the shirts, tell us what size you want, what size you wear a small man?

And what it's I think it's unisex.

Okay, all right?

Styles?

Oh I want the baby.

Yellow or white baby? Yeah.

I feel like people aren't into the yellow as much, but I like the yellow.

I love the yellow. Yeah. Whatever, we have good cushion. I don't want good cushion. Game Sorry, wow, not good. That's the one that you know.

It's it's it's actually supposed to be. It's yeah, it's funny.

There's no such thing as a good Christian gay cool, it's cool church you know you can be gay and Christian and good that this doesn't.

Make any sense and I love that's merch though, that's merch.

Yeah, we do that merch.

Okay, so that in a small and yellow baby because you're not wearing you pray ho if you not wearing good Christian.

Gay Yep, that's true.

Hell yeah, I don't know. That's me okay, but you are. I'm not eating now and I'm not praying you're not eating.

No.

Wow, it's a lot. I feel like you lying.

You think you know what I do.

Say that you don't really do know you'll be laying the end. You said, wow, that's enough. Did you hear being aggressive today? It's because my hair is platin.

I think you need to slow down. Cisco ev. You got a pit bull in your skirt whatever I think she was the pit bull whatever it was out of pit bull in her skirt. Well, it feels like a pit bull is coming off your neck.

Were your friendly when I said that, Yes, we do, Sydney, We're not talking to you, sist. So somebody hit us up and they were like, well, the name the merch sounds like the name of our podcast, and we love them them no, I love them, we like them, they're great, but eat pray and they're like, did you guys trademark this? This is like the kind of the name of our podcast.

Kind of and it's actually kind of the name of Julia Roberts movie.

It's literally mimicking the Julia Roberts movie because I did what she did well whatever, but the book, the movie, the book, the movie, yet you know what it is whatever with the macaroni letter pray Home, Eat Pray Love. But that's what I did.

I went on a trip, like she went on a trip and did you know, cooler stuff than what she did. But these people were like, well.

Don't say these people.

They're also well I'm saying these people because I'm not going to say their name, right, but they so what am I supposed to say?

I don't know how how do we go? We don't know the diplomats.

But it's just like, but everybody, everybody has podcast names, and everybody has like sayings and stuff, and we understand, you know, how people might have similarity, but you can't just assume like, oh, that's is this from us, and it's like, really, yeah, we went on your podcast, would be that silly. We went right.

They were like, well, how long have you'all been saying this is this? And it was like, is this treadmark?

It is now?

It is now said? He was like, I was like, it is absolutely trademarked teammed. I don't know so.

But then today I was on line and I saw a podcast called Eat Prey Judge and there's one called eat Pray God or something.

Like that, like eat Pray Britney spears. Okay, so what it was?

You?

You going in after everybody?

Are you also sliding in Julia Roberts inbox saying well you pray love sounds a lot like our Like.

What what you're gonna say? I don't know anyway, but that was keep by the shirt is what I'm saying. And make sure y'all shout out unofficial expert.

Please aunofficial expert to the tea with the two teas and then what else do I have? Uh, Marie, I don't know how I'm gonna go forward. Will you breaking up with me?

No?

In relationships, I think that people will feel a certain kind of way because I I feel like we've been friends for so long, and when it comes down to it, it's like you know, will I pick my girlfriend or whatever or over you or whatever. And I don't want to be and there, as Marie always wins, I don't want to be in a situation like that. But I'm also like, wait, what do you mean you don't want to be in a situation where where you it's me against the.

The life, you against it. But it's just like we have a certain kind of fun, right, We have a certain kind of fun.

And if anybody sees that, I could see them feeling some kind of way because they're like, well, you are not like this with me, And I was like, well, me and Marie are not fucking I don't I'm not romantically involved with her. The thing that she just won't be mad at me because we're not in a relationship together.

But my question you is everybody who's in a relationship has best friends, So then is everybody comparing their best friend to their person?

But everybody's best friendship like ours.

I mean, I will say that trash, I'll put that on a record, that our shit is quite fire, fuego, it's bars. It's one of those It's one of those things where when people see us, our chemistry is like like undeniably, oh wow, they they are friends.

Yes, But Sidney, everybody has friends, right, everybody has friends, and then so when you get into relationship with somebody, you have to win over their friends also.

That's kind of like what a relationship is.

Otherwise, if if the friends don't like you, then they're gonna be like, well, I don't know why you're in a relationship with that person, and well don't bring them. They can't come boland with us or whatever the hell friends be doing. But I don't know, Sydney, what are you trying to say. You're saying that we need to be less, we need to have less chemistry so that your relationships can thrive.

I don't know, friend, I'm just saying. I'm just it was a I'm putting it on on the squeeze board or whatever. What's one of those boards, are you like, write on it the dry race Yeah, dry erase board. I'm putting on that one of those as a note and saying I'm saying, uh, I'm.

Just I'm sure what the what the what? The thought is? The thought is if did I have do I have to pick over you or like the person I'm going to be with?

And I'm like, was it it? Do you want to be happy?

Or do you want to be rich?

You want to be happy?

Or do you want to make money with me?

I mean, I think you just got a proposition as your proposal.

Do you want to make money and build a business with me, your ashy ball friend, or do you want.

To you know, maybe squirt possibly like you know, be fulfilled sexually? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be rich? I mean you want this zowoft now, so you could be rich with three tas. Someone's off with three teas.

You'll be fine and you don't have to choose. We can still do what we're doing and you can still also be happy. The person that you're in a relationship with just has.

To understand that you know, this is business.

That's all is the business.

Worry.

I think this is what you said, Wow, you gotta I didn't know you said you gotta be on Wait, did what wait did we I didn't know it's time for you to talk.

That This was you know, an S and M combo.

Okay, so.

The African just sent me a text, he say, He said, good afternoon. That's a different from good morning.

I mean it's it's pm, the PM, no, but I'm saying a good afternoon feels better than a good morning.

Good morning feels thirsty. Right, Well, he's been waiting.

Since He've been waiting since two am, because that's when I stop responding to him. Ah, he said, so what do you want because I stopped talking to him, so I'll go on another date.

So what do you want to know about me? What do I want to know about him?

Oh? Now he wants to come in like a gentleman. He's like, let's let's get all the things out now.

Well, he asked, what do you want to know about me? Last night? And I just stopped responding because it was like you should have led with that, right bitch.

Okay? Oh, now all of a sudden, you got Manna's nigga nigga that felt racist and homophobic. Can't too, we can't put it with the t sorry.

All right?

I mean this is the shortest episode we've ember had. I feel like we're ending right now. We got a whole nother other episode. Guess can we can we do like five more minutes? Is that possible? Okay?

Okay, already love love love it, love it, love it, bob it. I'm tired. Ah, we all are tired, tired with the tea. Okay.

Well, if someone was like, hey, if you had to save Marie or a girlfriend or wife, they were both. We're both one, is what? We're both?

What on a plank?

That's like rickety and you're equidistance between us and there's a fire coming and a shark nado.

What you're gonna do? I don't know, Marine. That's a tough one, A tough one.

Off the record, off the record, off the record, off the record. Oh no, curly, your current situation? Who are you picking? Oh Marie, you can't ask me that. I would try to find a way to Would we all dye? All three of us are dying?

Selfish? That's selfish to all of us.

Gotta die everybody because I can't, I can't, I won't. I wouldn't be able to choose. I'd be like, oh, Marie, I you know when you mentioned cancer. I was like, I cried, but if I had to pick between you dying because I had to let you die? In answer, wait, what even the way I'm dying, me dying if you had to let me die, or can't you letting you die? It's easier for you.

I mean you're telling me it is easier. I'm just saying, what are you saying?

Marie?

It's not fair because I I you're.

Not in a relationship, so I'm comparing from your situation. I'm like, of course Marie would save me. She ain't got no other niggas a blind.

So I'm not saving a six ' five, do you know what I mean?

Like you pull through, Brian, Come on, Jay, I believe in you.

You gotta come on, find the strength within. I'm not the rock.

This ain't skyscraper. So you're saying you can't save a man.

No, I'm not saving a man. That's real.

If my friend is in is under duress, and it's some tall man or short man with a big and or small dick is dying, I'm gonna be like, well, you know you had a good run. Run to the light, sir, Mari.

That was honestly the sweetest thing you've ever said.

To me, and that I would let a man die for you. Yeah, Sidney, I would cross the ocean for you. I would bring the sun and the moon.

For you.

I like blonde. I don't actually I don't know that. Yeah, but we just for you. Yeah, we're tone deaf. It's fine, and we don't know lyrics.

Marie. This was this was great.

This is a good one.

You feel good. Yeah. Well someone wrote us and they were like, man, the guests are gonna have to fucking come through because these solo episodes have been fired.

They've been so good.

Fuego.

Yeah.

So well, we've been friends for a long time, all the more reason for you to save me. If I'm dying, I Marie, I would know you, wouldn't.

I have bad like posture and upper body strength, but I would find a way.

We both die. We both dying, We both dying, honestly, that you had to go the upper body strength. I hope they put us both in the casket together, or or if we do a little cremation.

I would want to be mixed in with you. Oh, like salt and pepper. Yeah, the double coughin thing feels like like a no.

For me, Well, we're both then, so aren't we.

Yeah? I mean my butt would need a little bit more space, and I'd be like, yo, just Ben Sydney knees and crammer at the bottom, Oh my god.

Or or it would be like head to head to toe.

No, yeah, oh like we would.

Both our heads would be on a propicis side. Yes, we could do that and both sides.

Sixty nine?

Can we sixty nine? Coughin it? No, Andrew, sixty nine another one of your favorite positions.

I do not like sixty nine.

Now because that means you would still have to do stuff. Yeah, you got to get you a little sharper image pillow for your head. So no, so you could do it. Probably So Andrew's lazy. He's like me, you're related.

Yeah, we are.

It's fine.

Mother, mother, Oh wow, oh mother, Okay, and Andrew your concept con sept it's fine.

Is that schult?

We haven't said merch now that we've gotten merch well, because you know, we actually got to make it now. And it's like shout out to Andrew for designing. Yeah, Andrew's been doing everything. He's been doing the flyers, he's been making sure the power point is together for the live show, which we need to do that. Oh, the live show is coming out tomorrow. No, this episode comes out after the live show. Oh fuck okay, oh you missed it. Thank you for coming.

If you can canceled that canceled, that's that's done.

Yes, but we will be in San Francisco. Yes, we are for sketch Fetch Bitches, sketch Fest.

Sketch Fest. Yes, January eighteenth, eighteenth. So if you everybody who's in California, that's.

Like, I would come down for you.

I would all that ship y'all were talking. I got to bring that fucking energy to San Francisco.

Bring us the sun in the moon.

I don't want to hear none of I don't want to be like and making the baby debt, the baby dead, baby dad, bring the baby to the shame, that baby's ashes to the fucking show. It will sprinkle the moment of the baby. Come on, wait, wait, we gotta go.

But that is the weekend, that's January eighteenth, that's Martin Luther King weekend. So he had a dream, his dream that Nigga had a dream for us to thrive in San Francisco. So the mountaintop San Francisco is you know, rich people there? So that's that was markin Martin's dream for us.

Really yeah, So if you live in Oakland, I suggest you figure it out now. So if you live in l A and he took a bus up, yes, Q two, figure it out. You live in Berkeley, like you guys can all make it happen in San Francisco.

And you got plenty of time to save them quaints. Okay, you got all of December. Are we flying out, Andrew? What you're getting flute outly?

Are they flying us cover?

Yeah, bitch, they are flying us out.

But I don't know.

I don't know if we can fly you out, Andrew. We'll see what the patreon does. Have you ever been to San Francisco?

I have been.

Hey, that's San franc Yeah, but we get we get we get two hotel rooms, so.

If we can who's sharing hotel rooms? Well I'll share with him? Okay mine, because I'm gonna be out there trying to be a hoe. Yeah, with the share with you.

These Steve jobs niggas. You guys need to go to the If you guys go to the patreon. If you're not on there, go on there now, because then I'm gonna tell like more of what's going on in my life on there and get the money up so we can get Andrew to come to San Francisco.

How about that?

And if if you heard what you just heard, you should be flocking to the patreon honestly, Sis, it's messy the tea is is it harmped warmped yea worm with the tea? It's really warm, Sidney, come on this warm ah? Okay, well, this is what we're doing. We'll see you in San Francisco. We'll see you next week because you know we do this weekly. Yeah, great, comment, subscribe, share this with your parents, tell everybody. So you're gay, straight, taking friends and sliding

Why are they not start any your d ms because you're begging for it? Yeah, you said, don't be sad? How dare you tell somebody not to be sad? Don't be sad? Say nice stuff, say you want to fuck me?

Okay, you know why they don't want to beg your says because you don't leave your house at two am to meet for drink. I'm sober.

That is racist and homophobic. Siding you racist and homophobic? Shut up?

You called this niggots.

We gotta go. I love your friend. I like you two friend. Okay, so aloft Yes, we love you two Andrew, Thank.

You, ah bye.

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