2020 Vision

Forever.

It's just so little episode.

Anxious, lively, way fucking thurday.

So anxious. Hi, Hi guys, Oh wow, Maurice, please Sydney.

I feel like every time I try to say something, you also try.

To say something. Yeah. I feel like we're gonna be twins soon.

No, no, yeah, I'm super congested.

Tess the season for me to lose my voice, love to hear it.

Are you losing your voice too?

No, it's just it is early, and we don't normally come this early on a Sunday and Saturdays. We usually stay out late, which I did not, but I'm still like, so early.

Excuse I don't know.

Oh, so you be up earlier than this for work, work, work, work work.

My weekends those are mine, you know.

It's just like that's how I had a long ass week. So I was looking forward to sleeping in and then Andrew message just last night, Hey.

Don't forget ten am, bitch fortune.

No, I would have remembered, because you know, my cousin is coming to the next episode. So also with the reason that we're here sitting is because of your next weekend.

So honestly, this is your fault. Yeah, I.

Have a weekend in DC, and I did not forget, but I kind of forgot. But yeah, this is my this is what I what I was gonna do. I was gonna go to d C Friday night, do my shows, get back on a bus at midnight, take the bus, get here, do the podcast, do the two episodes, get back on a bus, go back to d C, do my shows.

And I was like, that's ridiculous. You're gonna get on a bus. No, but it's unnecessary. It's for a guest that lives in New York. It's not for some like you know what I mean. It's not for somebody who's in town specifically for a couple of days.

Isn't even considering that. I think that's commendable.

Yeah, but Sydney would have overslept and we would have been sitting here on Saturday, because think about it. You get off the you get on the bus at midnight to come back to New York. You get back to New York three, four o'clock in the morning, then you gotta go to bed, and then you gotta be back here at eleven o'clock.

I would have just been like, Marie, can I come to your house?

And at four o'clock in the morning. I would have been like.

B B B.

Day at four o'clock in the morning.

What you're saying, work house at two am. Don't do that.

I leve my house at two o'clock in the morning. And that's there's dick. There's dick on the other end of that. There's nothing on the other end of this. For Sydney. Sidney gets off the bus at four o'clock in the morning, She's getting to my house at four thirty four forty five, and she's gonna talk to me for a full hour.

I would never full out.

Okay, So go to slow friend and is there and I don't have a couch, so we're sleeping in the bed together. Yeah, what's the proach putting her cold feet on me?

No, then I'm up all night and I gotta be here with crusting my eyes at eleven o'clock in the morning.

To be on.

Nah, bitch, are you saying, let's just come in on an Maria? Are you fucking crazy? No, Sydney, You're crazy. I feel like everything that I'm saying is like legit. You would get to my house and you would not fall asleep right away.

You would want to talk. Oh girl, the bus the bus broke down. The driver said, that's your storyline.

The driver said he was driving for the for the night. So I was on the satur road till seven am. Girl, What you got to eat? It's cold here now I'm hot. It's too many plants here. I don't Andrew, she could have gone to your house, I wouldn't. Well, the bus would have dropped her off, like near Chelsey, so she.

Could, but then I would have to get up earlier because you were time.

You have to leave.

I like believe it takes like forty five minutes. Age.

Yeah, fuck out of here.

You live like a d I did roll my ass right down the I was like, what time is it?

Nine nine fifty eight? Let me get up, Let me get up a dude podcast.

Yes, it is commitment, but also showing up, you know, on a Sunday, it's also commitment or committed to y'all.

It's commendable. Marie.

I'm just I know, I know my friend, and I know what she would do at my house at four o'clock.

In the morning.

Marie, We've been friends for so long and this is which still just doesn't want me to sleep in the bed with her, even though we slept in the bed together, which is fine, Like.

Sidney wouldn't want to take a shower. You're getting right off the bus into my bed. Absolutely, not one hundred percent unaccepted. Oh my god, she said, oh it's cold in here.

You should get a space heater at the bathroom.

Can I put it in the shower with me? You have a blow dryer. I want to blow dry in my toes. There you plugged the stone put all of that, Andrew, And.

She's like, really wouldn't know. I'm telling you.

Absolutely, I'm telling you, I.

Know, Sydney. Have I done that to you?

I'm saying that you would get to my house like city, get in the shower. You're not getting in this bed. But but girl, it's cold. We have to be up in several hours. You ain't got no snacks? What is this oatmel o?

God, that's the.

Brand ship you know your friend too? Well, yeah, that's disgusting.

You're gonna put your cold feet on? How to wake up? In her hand? Would be on my face. I would. I just wanted to think of you. Well, that's love, friend, Now, this is love. This is love, This is love. That of you. Is this love? Is this love that I'm feeling? This is love?

Yeah?

And I'm saying, is it? Sorry? Friend? So what's going on?

Do you have any uh, Dick appointments, jobs, deaths, deaths.

Wow, obituaries that I want to read it for the week. No, I feel like I've been good with the Dick appointments. You know, I'm still you know, not getting done. But I'm sitting up.

I feel like future Dick. I feel like, ooh, so you're just chatting with people. It's annoying. I don't want to talk to these people.

They're taking application, they're pretty, they're all pretty stupid.

I think, honestly, I'm ready for a boyfriend.

I'm ready for a boyfriend for the twenty nineteen, twenty twenty year, just for like, even if it's just for the winter.

I just feel like, oh, it's getting cold, and.

I don't feel like being outside or talking to none of these people.

And oh I hate that face that you saw.

That sound that she's making. This is too much. Oh my god.

Oh fuck right, So I feel like I'm cutting this up and putting this on instance stories.

You know that what saying? I think I'm ready for a boyfriend for twenty twenty.

Well just for the winter time. You know, somebody that could cuddle on my non existing couch.

With is okay?

So what do you want in a boyfriend? Let's talk about that. Oh, okay, cool, this is yeah, this is good. What do I want in a boyfriend? Somebody who is obsessed with me? Okay, obsurst?

You want a stalker? No, I want him to be obsessed with me? But cool about it. You know you want them to be more into you than you are into them, because you don't really want them, but you want them to want you.

So you want somebody who's me?

No, literally the opposite of this everything that you are but not? Oh my god, why not?

You know I'm obsessed? Yes, I love you more than you love me. Yeah, probably.

What I forgot my zola off? Oh yeah, whoa. I guess I'm gonna take it. I guess I'll take it at twelve something.

Now. Fuck? Where is it? If I have a It's at the house.

Fuck.

Wow, you guys ta get it at the same time. Every day. Did you eat today? I did? So you ate and you didn't? Well, because I mean, what was you?

Because I take it at twelve thirty, I mean at ten thirty am.

Well, I mean we here, so if you need to step out, me and and Andrew will continue the solo episode, you know, till you get back. No, okay, you think it's gonna get you to take you to get to the house.

It's gonna be too long. It's fine, You're gonna miss both episodes. Yeah, it's okay, I'll I'll be okay. Guys, are you taking zolof or Like antidepressants do, sometimes you like miss when you're supposed to take it. You'll be fine, right, as long as I don't miss the day, I'm good.

I ac stuill have no idea how that works for you know, neither of us are doctors.

Yeah, but I was on well buttrin for a while.

Well buttrin.

Yeah, it's like it's like not quite prozac, but prozac. I'm mean what but yeah, I was like taking it at a different time every day and I don't and then I found it just didn't work, and so then I got off of it.

Well maybe it didn't work because he was taking it at different times exactly.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

That's probably what it is.

Is there a zoloff patch is this something you could just stick to your tit take.

There's no pets, idiot, there's.

Not a like an IUD for the zolof that just like releases dopamine in your coach.

Right, please tell me what else do you want in a man?

I don't really in my mind, the vision is not very clear.

I just want somebody that I like on call Dick and on call like, well, let me tell you what my friend did, and him to be like, yeah, you're right.

She sounded like a cut like I want that.

I want for the like, you know, December, January, February, and then he could probably start to leave at the end of March.

Well, that's right, that's literally me. I listened to your problems. No, she doesn't.

Leave. I got to listen to Sidney's problem. I don't want to really listen to his problems. I want him to be like.

You, no problem. So who the fuck is that gonna be?

I don't know, friend listeners, Let's figure this out.

Somebody who doesn't have any problems. Maybe.

Well, if you get like a CEO of something, they're gonna have Oh.

I was like the CEO. Yeah, they're gonna have to take care of a whole fucking business.

So yeah, but I feel like CEOs don't like real like top tier management don't really do no work. They have people that they delegate stuff to and they just yeah. But I don't know, I haven't really thought about it all the way. But in my mind, that's.

That's what I want. What do you want him to look like?

I want him to be tall. I want him to not skip leg day.

I want him to have perfect teeth because you know, I wear my retainer every day. And I want him to have like a like a like a nice beard, no patches.

In it, you know what I mean.

But maybe his face could be smooth too. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm gonna make I'm gonna make a Dick vision board what.

I don't know if this is gonna be possible. Well, I know, like a little spots in his beard that I.

Mean, it could be. It could have a little got some grays in it.

Even I take that George Clooney salt and pepper beard situation. But also somebody who is good communication skills and knows.

When to shut up.

I think that's like different than communication skills. That's just somebody who doesn't talk much.

No, no, no, somebody that like you know, like, can send a text like I feel like I'm ready for like a good morning beautiful text and like I'll be annoyed about it but still be like, Okay, morning message you every morning, han girl. You know, hey, we need to talk about the podcast.

Hey.

You said something the other day to the owner of Forever Dog. It's problematic and I'm like, what, Hey, girl, I can't believe you said that.

Why would you Wow? Girl?

So so and so out up with me and they're upset. That's what you text me. You don't say good morning beautiful, you don't say it night beautiful, you don't say nothing.

Just be like hi, Hi, Hey, Hi, and it'll be just high and then there won't be another message until I respond.

Yeah, say hi, and then say the thing that you texted me for, because I'm like, what what is it?

Andrew'll be like what you need? Well you did say that, bitch, and it was not nice, but.

I said what's up? We already talked about it.

Yes, okay, but I say hold on, hold on, guys, listen, listeners, I say hi to see if you're up, because then I don't want to have this paragraph, and it's just like there and me having anxiety waiting for you to respond.

Well, Hi, anxiety when you just say hi. No, because I say hi if you're right back. Then you looked at your phone.

It's smart, no, m it feels like a sticking on it holding a little box up Hi, and you'd be like, oh, very quiet, Hi, and you'd be.

Like, oh, she puts me for something. Hi, girl, Yeah, I'm at work. So what you need.

Actually last Saturday and you'd be like, who anyway, Good morning, beautiful.

Good afternoon, ma'am Andrew, good morning beautiful.

I hate you. Don't like when that you want that you want to text.

I want to text that.

I could be annoyed about, like girl, he still texting mid that I'm beautiful gross, And all my friends were.

Like, I don't have anybody. That's what I want. That's what you want, Marie. I hate in love and happy you guys.

I need him to match my fly so we like look good together and we have stuff to do together.

Also, I'm ready to make like another group of friends. I feel like that's what it is. That's kind of like the bonus of dating somebody cool? Is you get to do stuff with people that they're cool with, you.

Know what I mean.

You get to experience like not comedy things or not you know, you know, broke black girl.

Things you just don't want to do cool other things. You know. I want somebody teach me how to play pool.

I'm not gonna learn very well or very fast, but like, you know, so you do a baby and he puts like his dick on my bullet and I'm like, oh, this.

Is stressing me out.

And now I don't know if I want you to have a boyfriend why.

It's because you don't want me to learn how to play pool.

This is like, this is like how do I tiptoe away from Sydney in comedy for a little bit?

Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's also what I just said.

That's definitely where you said I want to make new friends that we don't have to do broke black girl things.

Yeah, it's just at me.

Okay, say it to my face, say it to my face, direct eye contact.

Yeah, But I like, I don't know, these apps feel like too much work. I've been talking to these people and I lose injuriest. They say something, they spell a word, wrong, and I'd be like, oh he damn. Meanwhile, I got all these just misspelled words in my thing. But it's like, you know, it's cute. Yeah, I'm throwing emoji's in it. I'm like, you're I'm using the wrong your I don't know, Andrew, you do you want a boyfriend.

I would like a boyfriend, yeah, But I feel like the same way as you do, Marie, Like I want someone that I could talk more. You know, I really don't want to hear hear problems.

I don't want to hear your straight man problems. Bitch y'all.

Just get on answer stories and talk to your followers then, because they're not responding to me.

And also I know, like I'm not having sex with them also, and I'm.

Not having sex with them, and I want to like go to dinners and I want to like meet their friends. That's I want to do stuff like that, Like I want to like, oh, yeah, so and so surprised me with a trip this weekend. I'm not I'm not in town like something like stuff like that.

Yeah, but like so.

One that's gonna like take me out of the things that I normally do, Like somebody that's like Yo, my friends are getting a cabin and we going sking it and I'm like, oh my god, can I bring my friend's skin? And it's just like black people ski weekend, you know what I mean. Like I don't have anybody to play. I don't and I don't want to plan that. I need somebody else to plan it, and then I can be like here I am.

With my own way luggage. I packed all the wrong stuff. Theyselks doesn't have snowsuits, Like that's.

What I want. Oh, that's so cute. Okay, I get it. That's crazy because I don't want to meet anybody, Like I don't want to meet people's friends. I don't really want to have to have a conversation. I just want to be able to sit in the room we be together and not.

Talk at all. I don't just want food in the room.

Yeah we can eat, there's things going on. It's just I don't want to have to really chat. But that that comes. That's like a type of intimacy too, though.

When you're with somebody and you don't feel the need to fill that silence, you just you just exist in a space and it's like.

But I feel like you're such a social person though, Sydney, you're with people though.

That's why, that's why she's tired. She doesn't want to talk to you because she's always on at work.

Yeah, I don't. I really just don't want to have a conversation. And sometimes someone will look at me in my face and I'll look back at them and I'm like, hmm, what, Like, what the fuck? I don't have work, I don't have anything to say. I'm tired. And it's just like you have all these pointless conversations all day, and then we

Sweet sounds like that both and both sounds like that missed Zlaf talking.

I hear it. I don't want to talk to anybody. No, I don't. So a lot is supposed to help me, like be okay with chatting exactly, That's what I'm saying.

Sounds like the misted zh like I don't want to see nobody don't talk to me, don't look at me.

It is don't compliment me on my hair twenty nine, you bitch.

I mean, I think sometimes we ask for stuff that we're not necessarily ready for, or we ask for things that we think that we want. Like I say regularly that I don't want to do these app things. I want somebody to approach me on the street and talk to me and ask before my phone number. And the other day I was getting out of an uber and I was putting my key in the front door and there was a dude standing out that far from my building, and he was like, excuse me, Can I talk to

You're beautiful. Can I take your phone number? And I was like, and I gave him the wrong phone number.

I gave him the right phone number up until the last digit, and I changed the last digit, and then he repeated it to me. I was like, what am I doing? I asked for this and I have it, and I'm giving him the wrong number. So I gave him the right phone number and then he texted me the next day and I did switch up. Well, yeah cause I because the last because my phone number is the same two numbers.

Over and over again. Yeah, it's crazy, so it sounds fake.

So if I changed the last digit, you know, and then I changed it back and he.

Was he was like, oh, okay, yeah I heard it wrong, because you know, is he cute?

Like I mean no, if he was, I feel like I would have picked I would have text him back. I just was like, I asked for somebody to approach me in the street and somebody did and then I and then I resisted it.

Those be the ones, though, Yeah, we just have to go out to different places that have nothing to do with what we're fucking doing.

We have to go out time.

I was going home and he was like, a yeah, you don't want to meet anybody like near your house, that's scary.

It was literally just in the doorway, like, yeah, no, you don't want that. He was going to like the.

Bar person knows where you live, But Andrew does that remember you met that homeless man. We don't want to live It's like, what would Andrew do?

We don't want to do that. No regrets, no roverts. Yeah up, he said in a circle.

He was fully going to the club after with a backpack on.

You're like, I saved him.

He used your house as a co check. He was like, let me leave my bags here, I'll be back at four.

Yeah, I just yeah. I think it's tough for you to have a little man a male counterpart.

You know. I just have to make sure that I opened him and look nice. And you don't have.

To be nice to not jealous? Well that I can't. I can't help you with that, sis, But you don't have to be nice to him.

I want to be nice. It's helpful.

You'll be friendly when you meet them and then you know. But I don't know why you would. He would obviously be perfect. I don't know why you would not be nice to him.

He would have all his taste.

And what is the name that you're projecting for this person?

What is the name?

Yeah? Oh, I'm not projecting a name.

Am I supposed to be protecting a name?

Is that? How? I like that? For the future?

For your man. Yeah, well, what's the name that you got in your head?

I like like a Brandon Randon.

M okay, yeah, I know some black Brandons. That feels kind of.

Boring, but Brandon at least, like I don't like a one syllable name. As long as you have two sills, Joe, you don't have Chris or like, yeah, k.

No, that's not a good Clint. No.

Corbyn Corbyn, cor Corbyn, Chase yea Corbyn high school musical Corbyn. That was Corbyn Blue? Yeah, mm hmmm Corbyn Blue Corbyn.

Yeah, but that's I don't like Corbyn.

No, mean there, what's his name?

Says Corbyn redateing these white dudes again, and then he shows up and he looked like Corbyn blue.

When people are like, he's still kind of still know.

Yeah.

I need to learn how to be not selfish anymore. I think I in order for me to be in a relationship, I need to be more thoughtful. I am a thoughtful person when it's like surface level, like my friends like people that like arms reach. But it's when somebody's like sleeps in the bed with me, we see each other every day, I just it kind of slips through the cracks, and I just forget you think you started to like take them for granted. Yeah, and make it all about me.

I mean, you're a star darling. Thanks for meat.

Don't feed that into my head because I will take that.

Take iticated right now, so you're not medigated to this your soloft shut up?

Yes, friend?

Okay, So how are you gonna take steps to be less selfish in relationships?

I mean it's it's freaking hard, just like thinking about what I want for the future for myself and factoring somebody else as well. Like I want to have my shit almost together, almost almost together.

Almost doesn't care I want it.

I'm almost there, and then somebody swoops in and then we could be one hundred percent together.

But what do you mean have yourself together? Like?

What is what does ninety percent of that mean? That means you're paying all your bills on time? Yeah, that means you're on a show. That means you sold something. Okay, so we're gonna wait until that happens. I mean that's gonna be twenty twenty, mid mid twenty twenty. You're about seven eight months to get yourself together.

Then, right or just like you know at least mentally and emotionally. I'm very sensitive and I overthink everything.

But you're always going to be sensitive.

No, I think it's it's even this is the most I've been in my head for a very long time. Yeah, it's like twenty four to seven. I'm thinking. I'm overthinking. I'm thinking about shit that I should not think about.

What are you thinking about? Oh?

This person hates me? Or is this person muting me on Instagram? Like just dumb shit?

Do you? Well?

You can't check if somebody mutes you can't. But I have somebody the other day.

Who oh my god, Wait, talk about it. You didn't know. Let's finish you and then we'll talk about me.

Look at you, Mury. I feel like you are ready for a relationship in our friendship. You have like come so far that it's mind blowing. And I'm like, yeah, you should be with someone.

Wow, you're ready? How far have I come? Friend? What words are saying right here? Or are you? I still feel like I'm doing the bare minimum as a friend. No, that's not true. It's like skirts car, No, not at all.

Like I haven't spoken to so and so in several days.

You know what you posted something on Facebook about people messaging you and asking you for things and not.

Saying hello or blah blah blah blah.

So now when I text people and I'm getting ready to ask for something, I'd be like, well, let me see what the last cool interactions have been.

So I'm more aware.

Now because of you, Because of you, because Kelly Clarson.

When I first met Marie, I would pay for all the ubers.

Yeah, but that was because you was rich. I was rich, but you would not offer at all because I was poor.

Now Marie offers to get cabs, or she doesn't even offer, she'll just like get the app out, nah.

City will jump in the car, and I'd be like, well, I guess we're splitting this car.

But you never asked, you never requested me.

Yes, But because that's because Uber keeps giving me these little forty percent off promotions. Yeah right, And like it's like, if I'm gonna be paying this much money anyway for an Uber X and you sitting here, you might as well.

I'm gonna be like, Sydney, can you send me two dollars? Right? You pay for food, you know, nook.

The Patreon pays for food.

We'll go out and I'll be like the Patreon paying for this, and it's like, we don't.

We're not putting any of the numbers in a spreadsheet. I don't really know.

Summary very kind.

It's like you're thoughtful, and I think we're gonna do Secretsanna with just us, me and you.

Okay, well let's figure out the budget. Sis, what's the budget for Secret Santa this year?

Well?

I'm not poor either, so I mean, yeah, I see you. You also do. City hasn't been on the train since twenty eighteen. That's a fucking city exclusively uber x l's now and I believe a lot girl, even I take the train still, not like as much as I had to, because it's not a lot of stuff close to my house anymore.

But girl, Sidney, also, the last time you out on a subway?

Dude, dude, dude, Wait, really.

Sydney doesn't take the subway. Maybe when I met her she didn't like taking the subway.

Maybe the summertime, summer time, Yeah, no, I don't Where were you going? Who were you? We were? It was all of us at work. We had to get on the train. See if they had jumped in a car, she would.

Have and I didn't have a Metro card, so I went through the gate and they were like, Sydney.

Do you have a Metric card right now?

No, she don't have a Metro card right now.

I literally spend a lot of my money in Uber. That's like, mainly because I don't really I don't really buy a lot, Like it's not like I eat out all the time, Like I'm at work most.

Of the day.

I want to say, eighty five percent of Sydney's money, yeah, expenses ubers.

Ubers, and I can't believe that.

Nobody, no car service has like paired up, has done an ad with me.

It's like insane.

No, Sydney, it's insane that you spend more on ubers than rent a month. That's a fact fact. But since I've known her, it's been like that. Yeah, and we've been friends for five going on six years, going on six years. Friend, Sydney, you could have bought a house with that.

When you didn't know me, Sis, I definitely could have bought two homes.

Yeah, I'll be thinking about it in my apartment, like yes, and you should own a building by.

Now, Yeah, because I was, I was making over one hundred thousand dollars a year over, and that money went to drugs and titties, trips, cars.

Money, cash, hose money, cash hosey.

Is it money and cash the same thing? Yeah, money, cash hosny respect Yeah yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So I just want to be less about me so I could think about somebody else. But I can't think about somebody else until I settled the score with myself.

Oh okay, Sydney versus Sydney Tokyo drift.

Yes, yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I think that you being aware of how you are in relationships is a major part of being better in relationships.

You see me. You hear me, doctor Phil, you hear it.

Yeah, But I think that's that's you now, Like you are so self aware of your stuff and you have your own place now, and you know you've be spending money. I'm like, Oh, she got a couch, since it back, got another couch, got a rugged, got that kept the road?

Talk about the road. We didn't even talk about it on the podcast.

Oh yeah, right, So I ordered a rug. I saw it on this girl's Instagram.

It's a zebra print, you know, not like the tight zebra lines, but like the big ones and I ordered it from Overstock. They said it was delivered. I got a text. I went downstairs. There was no rug down here.

I called them.

We didn't talk about this already, No, no, I haven't heard that.

We talked about it, and they said the rug was in Patterson, New Jersey.

And I was like, yeah, but I live in Brooklyn. And they're like, yeah, we're gonna give you a refund. And I was like, okay, but where want this rug? And they're like sold out, sold out, And.

I was like, what about the rug in New Jersey. They were like, yeah, that's coming back to us. I was like whatever, Overstock. The next day, knock on my door. The rug is at my door, but the refund in my account.

Oh my god.

So I got the free rug.

But you just it's like, you have good luck with this stuff. Because Gag we had an episode where we're talking about the mattresses. A free mattress and sis we forgot her name. She hit us up in the DMS like hey, I did the same thing, and they were like, oh, don't worry, we'll come and pick it right up. And they came and picked up that mattress and she said, and she's sleeping on the floor now and she's still waiting for her refund.

Yeah, I'm sorry girl. I was like, damn, Marie.

I said, well, maybe she got the wrong brand.

No, she must have got the wrong brand. It was so bizarre. It's tough and needle.

Well, the person who tell me about it, they did it too, and that's why I did it.

And I got my money back, and you.

Got like a mattress cover something too. I remember that was like my first episode recording with you guys. No, I got a free mattress, free mattress.

Okay, I got a free queen size mattress that was insane more expensive than I mean, I don't know.

It's like a twelve hundred dollar bit.

Oh my god.

And they gave me my money back and they did not come pick it up.

So you know, some of us, I guess, are a tiny bit luckier than others when it comes to scamming.

That girl.

She didn't seem mad, but I just felt like, I mean, I'm mad for her, So just let me order it.

I'm gonna send it to your house and then they're gonna send me my money back.

And then that other listener got a ticket while.

Yeah, Gammy from CC, she's actually a friend, we know her and she's listening.

We will not be paying that ticket for you. So sorry.

If you started GoFundMe for people who've gotten tickets listening to the Unofficial Expert podcast and put it on.

A corporate card. Wait what happened? Why? Wait? Why did she get a ticket? She was trying to find the podcast on her phone while she was.

Driving, I guess, and she got to take it for being on a phone while operating a vehicle.

Fuck.

Okay, you guys sliding over to the Patreon and like, give some money to Gabby so we can pay her back to Sarah MACLACHLANU. Wait, so I've been going through the dms. You guys have been hitting us up heavy and it's been I.

Love it so sweet, but it's so many messages and it's hard and.

I'm missing some of them and it's so annoying.

You know what you have to do is you have to screenshot screenshot folder because I screenshot on the other day.

Go ahead, friend, you have something you wanted to read.

Yeah, can you guys, just like before you put your whole long ass post, can you be like important message or like read on pod like.

So hi hi, yeah, subject Hi.

Then when we respond then you could say yeah.

Okay, this is from Lisa Lisa Caldy Ladies Queens of Comedy. Can I tell you how amazing you do are? I've never checked out a podcast before based on a commercial because they're always dumb, but yours was always funny and I thought, let's check it and bam. A couple of weeks later, I have listened to so many of them. We've gone through them. Yeah, I've got oh no, I've gone through them and most deaf joining the Patreon Okay that is you are hysterical, smart and tough women and

But I was standing on his beautiful balcony.

Who Moon and Stars, and I thought, E prey home baby and had a good night with the guy. Thanks for the A level entertainment and waiting for you to to get a show. Much love from Amsterdam. Ooh that is answer gorgeous and amazing.

Okay, I'm gonna read a message that I got from somebody who was responding to me saying men should not be silent during sex, they should say something. Okay, this person, Frankie H said, a couple of years ago, I hooked up with this white guy who was just weird as hell. He was serving a lot of normal compliments at first first, which was cool. Then midway in he just came out the mouth, came out the mouth with some weird stuff like do you like this white dick in.

That dark pussy?

And then complimenting my sweet caramel hole, and like at one point he took my glasses off and was like, oh good, now you're completely naked.

He took a glasses, Now you're totally Did he take off your wigs?

That's rude.

Peel off your clippings? Okay, all on top of crazy loud moans and like just doing way too much satist. Part of the story was that the dick was actually quite good, but she never saw him again because he said too much caramel hole, this is not.

A porno corbet, this is not what we're doing today, that this is.

Not a basic beige fucks hot black bitch.

Like this is that ebony? That was gross?

Sir, If you're listening, do better, do better, say nothing. Here's another one. Let me see this person's name, Anthony Saheed. Yeah, hi, Sane. Marie just wanted to say that you too, honestly make my week. I was listening to the pod last week near the end when y'all were talking about squirting and going and going, Well, my car window was down and I was driving through a neighborhood. What I didn't see was a father and three little boys walking next to

What your windows rolled down?

Yes, the kids teach the kids.

The more you know, those that fathering them kids now know about squirting.

Okay, it's we're better for it right. This is this is from Ronnie Myers Meers. Hey, y'all, I'm pretty sure y'all have more than six straight men listening to the pod. I'm one of them, so keep it up. Y'all are hilarious. And when I come up to n why, I will make sure i'm there on a Sunday to see y'all.

Ps.

It is possible to make a woman come back to back while squirting each time. I did it just last weekend to a girl that I only did it one time with, You're fucking lie.

He's like, I'm gonna be in New York on a Sunday, just so you know, I'll be making people squirt and why.

He's like, if you want to find out, He's like, if you want to find out, go ahead and slide in my DMS right back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

We gotta get this freaking email up and running, and I want to make sure that people can write us and we talk about it. Just go over it, because you know, we talk about our lives a lot every week, and sometimes there's nothing going on.

No stuff going on, we just don't want to talk about it.

We live full, somewhat fulfilled lives, and everything that we do doesn't need to go on this podcast.

That is actual, factual, right and very important important message.

It's actually some message. It's actually self care.

Not to put all of your damn business on front street.

Yeah, you know, on a podcast or on social media. Everybody needs to know you don't have to live tweet your spiraling situations.

Okay, this is true some of your message and something I'll needed to hear that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, what do I I'll be on Twitter just going through it.

You got ten thousand followers, friend, I know. I'm so proud of myself. People love them. Mess a bitch. Finally it happened to me.

Yeah, so you're gonna get a boyfriend, It's gonna happen. I'm gonna get jealous and then kill him and then beat the case. Because who's gonna put a beautiful black woman in jail?

Nobody?

What are you talking about? The United States of America?

The Supreme Court, the Pellet Court, State Court, all the courts are putting black women in jail. And then when you get to jail, they like, can you take your wig off? And you're like, this's my natural hair, and they're like is it.

Remember when I got arrested and they asked me if I could take my braids out?

Yeah, I do because they thought that I.

Would strangle myself with my braids, and I was like, I just got these done. Definitely not doing that.

I just got them. I'm not taking them out.

Nor am I strangling myself with my new braids.

Not today.

I just got these paid too much money. I took too much time.

Too much. So we had a live show that was fun. I'm glad that we're doing. We're just gonna keep running it, guys.

He looking from Philly, people came from Staten Island.

And people came from Singapore.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Can we talk about it Singapore. I didn't even know that people in Singapore liked listening to podcasts.

Yeah, and they were so cute. I was like, wait, let's get their names, because I definitely there were so many people that I saw that listen to podcasts and they were telling me their names, and I was like, I'm gonna shut you out, and then I fucking forgot. I'm sorry, I'm trash. I should do better, but I can't.

Yeah, but I mean we hug y'all, y'all approach us. I feel like people message me regularly and they're like, oh, I'm gonna be at the Knitting Factory show on Sunday, but I'm just gonna be a regular fan and I'm not.

Gonna come up and say hello.

And I alway say just come say hi, you know, and you know they come and we're nice to them. And whenever someone says they listen, I'm like Sidney someone, So listen to the podcast so that you get both of us. It's not just like me not trying to hug you. That you get, you get the full snem experience.

You know.

There was a what's that? What's her name? Meka? Meka? Is that her name? No, Makayah. I don't know what I'm looking at here, says.

Her name, makayah Uh, McKay, McKay, McKay, Makay Johnson, Mickay Johnson.

She pulled up.

Ah Fro was so moisturized it was insanity. Her and her cute ass friend. I was like, thank you so much for coming, she said. She graduated Lafayette College this year. Work, bitch, you got a job. Now, what's going on?

We love it.

We love when people are working and doing it and making money.

Yeah, we want to get more like young ladies like the US.

Where are they at the youths?

Who is under twenty five and listens to the pod? Can you hit us up if you're eighteen, nineteen twenty, That's that's what I want my demo to be young gals. Young gals is what you think we deserve. I want young gals because you know, they just they're so over zealous and they haven't lived life, so they don't know.

I don't know.

I also like meeting guys that listen to our podcast too, though I feel like they don't come up to us as often. But I like meeting the guys that listen to the podcast as well because I'm always surprised to see like how different everybody is in like in age and like number of followers they got. I'm just like, look at like these young, well moisturized people, and then like older people that got like four h one k's and stuff come up to us.

And we'd be like, wow, I mean you who you must be doing mad if you listening to us.

Our friends from Singapore, Marissa. I don't know your other friend's name, but Marissa, we love you. Our picture was so cute together we put it on the instores and everything.

I think it might have to be a real post.

It might have to be a real post, so I should message her and be like, hey, can you actually.

Send this because I want to post this on the page is that pause?

M hm, yeah, I mean we have a I will say that we have a diverse group of people listening. It's not all women, it's not all gay men. No, it's not all weirdos. It's a lot of people who got they shit together, who are also messy like us. There's some people who got coins. You know what I'm saying, Like, what if we had like thirty dollars tickets?

Y'all come in. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Here's a message.

I once had a five to six Colombian bodybuilder come over to my place where he douched in my bathroom. Didn't ask, just did it. Then he told me my bathroom wasn't clean enough. And mind you, he got he sharded all over the place. Only meetings, okay, and then during sex I had to stop multiple times because he kept screaming, bloody murder. My landlord lives downstairs and he would not stop screaming. Okay, Well, that's not what I was asking for when I said I I meant to

I like that, You like that. I like that message. Just a good message.

Shout out to Tyler message. How you come to somebody else's house and you what we do shit here?

This is not the douche stop spot. This is douche read. You can catch me at the hot spot. I'm a ball y'all all night.

No pop ell anyway, Sidney, Thanksgiving is coming up. Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?

No? Mm, that sounds like you do. Uh Smiths you have plans for Christmas? Well?

I mean, do you know if you're gonna be here for Thanksgiving or you gonna be You're gonna be traveling.

I'm okay what you're doing. I'm gonna have to be here too.

I called my mom yesterday and we were talking on the phone and she was like, she was like yeah.

I asked her something like, I was like, how you doing? She was like I'm doing better than your ugly ass hair or something.

Like oh my god. So my mom.

I didn't tell her that I bleached my hair and because we talked about it, and I know she doesn't like black people with blonde hair or whatever.

It is problematic, but I live.

But my brother showed her my Instagram a post that I put up, and she was just like just going in and I was like yo, I said, look, I don't care if you don't like my hair, Like I don't care if he don't like my hair. I said, I don't care on a plane. I won't care on the train. I won't care in a house. I was get hitting it with some doctor Seuss and she was like.

To me with your dusty your dusty, your dusty scalp. And I'm like, I was like, I'm done talking to you. I was like bye, and she was like.

By girl with the ugly hair and I hung up on my mom so she before she found out my hair was blonde. You trying to get to come home so she could show off her new bathroom or whatever.

Or feed me.

And I'm like what, I called my sister and I was like I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving and she was like what. I was like, I'm not coming. She's like, well, you gotta come. She was like I need somebody to run in appearance on me. Like She's like I can't. You can't have me over there by myself. And I was like, you have puppy, you have.

My bald dad. Yes, that's your ally. I love him. I love him. He is an ally.

I was like, I will let you borrow my suit case so you can bring me my food back the day after Thanksgiving.

She was like you have to come for at least a day. She was like, where a hat? Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

You know, Sis, what once you once you taste freedom, Sis, once your scalp tastes freedom, you can't go back. I've broken the chains of wig bond bondage.

Speaking of wigs, I got a lace front. Yes, I love it, the very end of the pod. Let's get into it. So I have a lace front, never had one before. You know, I love a beauty supply, you know, first shelf wig, you.

Know one that I barely pluck a floor model.

I love when it's just like real, feels like real, lifted in the in the mid.

No, this is great.

First lace front and it's quality. It's twenty six inches or something magical like that.

Yeah, it's really really nice.

An all Brazilian girl in in Brazil. That's that's cold right now. Shout out to Maven Hair. Yeah, I did a little like collab with them, so you know.

They they give me the hair and then they set me up with the stylist, go to the stylust they.

Do my hair and it's all together in the package.

And it's it's quite smart, you know, smart, it's smart. That they they link you up with a stylist that's near you, that has like that's through the company.

Is this an app, it's a service, it's not an app.

It's so like, if I want to get my hair done, I go I call a number or you go online. Okay, so I go on to the website and I make an appointment. I say what I want and then they send somebody or no, they order the hair closest to me.

Yeah, you order the hair and then they're like, oh, do you want a stylus in your area, No, stylust give a stylist and you figure out what style you want. They give you all the pricing and it's like boombo pop and it's like quick boo boo boo boo, and we blue and I blo and it's great.

It's I I feel good.

I just feel like lace fronts are a lot because you always got to put makeup on and you got.

Gotta put makeup on the hair.

No on my face, Like I just look weird with this like really done hair.

What you can throw it.

In a low pony. Is that the only way that we can party. We can't do a middle park. We could do a middle park.

You want me to do a middle show me, now, show me. Well, I don't have a I don't have a comb comb.

I don't have a comb.

He doesn't have edges.

You don't have one of them tiny tiny picture day combs that they used to give black kids in school. They used to give that to you, the little black comb, the lights comb, the light's comb, right, and they were like, here, brush your hair for a picture, dad. And it was like raids and they're like, well, cut, go ahead and brush these braids.

Well, do you have some oilchine while you're at it? You got some pink lotion?

Back then?

The fuck they never did? Yeah, they never did.

And so I like did a video about like how when I don't have my hair done, like people ignore me, push me in the street, I have to pay for things. And then I got my hair done and then like you know, I'm walking down the street.

Everything's great. I'm going to wear the video.

Ah, they're editing it. It's gonna be real yanky because we believe. Yeah, because I'm not.

I'm not a YouTuber. I don't know how to make things like cool. Yeah, but we saw you on a dildo hoverboard one sis. I mean, that wasn't cool, but we saw you on it.

That almost ruined my life. But that's how I got my agent.

So you got your agent from the dildo hoverboard video the internet really bringing people.

She's like, Oh, you're gonna go somewhere with this.

It was like, ah, many years later, where did I go with that across the streets?

I did? I definitely don't know.

Harverboard took you across the streets? Well, I mean, you know, we love to see it. That's growth is growth with an f the hair is growth. But I would like to do a short like natural cut. But I just I don't like my hairline.

Like this lace front is really high, and so my forehead is shorter, and I was like, I would look weird.

With a high or the lacebroad is low. I don't know how do you say it, but like it doesn't put you. They don't put it on your real hairline, so it's low. It's low. It's low.

So like my forehead looks small and that's what I genuinely want, but it looks kind of weird.

No, it doesn't.

Also, I feel like you have a complex about your forehead. I do, you don't have a big forehead. When I met Sydney, she never didn't have a bang. She always had blue blue, like a big bag. And it was like, yeah, like Nicki Minaj, nick came out China gall and I was like, you know, we kind of shamed her into not shamed you, you guys shamed you.

We convinced you that your forehead was fine and you didn't need to cover it. You were like, girl, you're not tired of wearing that hair. That like, you're not tired of the bang is your forehead?

Don't be sweating, yeah, be breaking out of there? Were you putting makeup on and then sweeping your bang back down? Or you weren't putting any makeup on your phone?

I don't think I was putting makeup. Ah, So you had that line of demarcation at your eyebrows. Got it? Anyway? This is growth you Like you're like a completely different person now, I know. But it's just like to love. People always talk about like you gotta love yourself, love yourself.

And it's like but how you know, Like everybody's like, oh, get confidence.

It's like how how do you do that? Like people say these things and it's just like how do you work on that.

I just think it.

Starts with like, I don't know.

Sometimes people like you'll be in your own head and you'll be like, oh, I'm so dumb.

I can't believe I just did that.

And we all, I think, at least once a day, well we'll think something like that, Oh my god, I'm so dumb.

Why did I just say that or why did I do that? Or why did I this? This? This, this?

But I think if you say that all day long, you start to believe that about yourself. You think, oh, I am dumb. Of course this happened to me because I'm stupid. But like that's not how we should be talking to ourselves.

Yeah, you know that's true.

You should be playing like Lovely Day, Bill Withers in your head all day long, A lovely day.

Like all day long. Hmm.

I mean I'm not saying that that's what I do. I look, Alexa, play Lovely Day and then this song. Just sometimes music just changes my mood.

Honestly, it might change my mood.

But just to like accept yourself and say this is I'm great, this is perfect.

Well, obviously you're not perfect, but you can say that you're great and like believe that I'm great.

I am great. People want to be friends with me, and people want to bang me. People want to be like me. People strive for this.

I'm not perfect, but like this is like I'm in a good place and like I'm you. I don't know, Sydney, I feel like you. It's not something that you need to like work hard at. You know, you're attractive. People do like you. You're funny, you dress well, you do you for your makeup, and you don't look like an idiot.

Like what, like, what more do you need? Friend?

Your butt is big, your stomach is flat, flat, flat, like what you're like? I'm just I need to be better at self confident? What what do you need?

Friend? You you need a good morning, beautiful text?

Yes, I.

Know, maybe good morning, good night.

Good night babo. Did you have a good day? Babe? Babe? I want to hear all about it. No, no, no, it's I think it's I think.

Once I hope that the antidepressants start working, I could get like better and not being my head, not being in my head and beating myself up.

That's what I would like to work on. But you never know. Andrew, you you got off of it.

So yeah, not good. For the longest time, I was on the same page like not being able to feel confident. But then I'm like, I don't know, it's like so cloche, but like life is like short, Like why can't I just like celebrate like the things that I know that I'm good at, the things that I have and everything like that. You know, yeah, this is fun. I get. You get to come in here like every other weekend and do this and it's fun. It's easy.

You know, you're a part of the pod. I mean you are a part. You are the pod. You know that. Honestly, people be like, well shut up, Sidney and Marie.

What Andrew got to say by him? Yeah, what's you need to stop bullying him?

Or they'll be like they'll message to Andrew be like please tell the host to stop eating on the mic, And it's like whoa, yeah, yes, now they're talking to Andrew about us. They're like, hey, what's up, babe? Uh yeah, tell them host that they're doing too much.

You're doing a great job. I hate them, host, but don't change a thing. It's so true. I feel like y'all' turncoat.

Oh my, after everything that we've been through after fuzzy recordings at our friend's house, and then and then sirens and and mice running around my apartment and my lab refrigerator at my house.

Remember we used to rent out rooms. Yeah, we rent out room to do his spot.

We were like prostitutes. Yeah, podcasts prostitutes.

Prostitution war, prostitution hors. And the people that listen to the podcasts are like, yeah, but y'all suck and babe, it's not the host to shut up.

We would like to hear more of Andrew. Could you stop cutting him off? Yeah?

But I mean I think with every positive as a negative too, right, Like somebody will say something good about Andrew, and then somebody will say something bad about it, and it's like, well, you know, pick a side.

We can't please everybody.

We can't please everybody. I'm over here trying to please myself.

I can't even please.

My mom, Oh Marie, Well she's Haitian. They're hard to please. And I know that from firsthand.

No, Yeah, well, I mean gonna you're gonna go home for Thanksgiving? I mean, you know my mother could cooks. Yeah, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna throw a black I'm gonna spray paint my scalp black. I think, Yeah, just hit it real quick, Ima, hit it with a black rinse.

Yeah, hit it with a black rim and have like the the line on my forehead dripp into my drip into my Sideburg.

Let me borrow that wig for Thanksgiving? You want to? Yeah? Okay, that wig and I Friendsgiving. It's a new wig, Charlie Brown. It's the wig that keeps giving. Shout the giving wig. Can we write a show the Giving week?

I want it to be like the Charlie Brown episode, the Thanksgiving episode, but with hair.

Was it a Thanksgiving or was it Halloween?

Oh?

That's Halloween.

There's no Thanksgiving Charlie Brown episode.

I mean movie, I don't know whatever. Well, it's we're coming to the end of the episode. Andrew.

Yes, uh, do you have anything that you want to work on for the for the new year, which your Thanksgiving plans?

I would just like to get out there more, you know, just do you out there?

You is out there?

No, but like you know, do do stuff at events and bars and stuff.

Okay, so you want to do more work things?

Yes, yeah, okay, yeah, okay, and create more you know.

What type of stuff you're trying to create because you know, we can workshop an idea here.

The listeners will send you feedback.

Well, I love just like the game format at like like trivia bars and everything. I was doing that for a while. Now I'm doing bingo once a while for old people, or bing's audio bingo. So I'll play like nineties music, okay, fifteen second clips and if you if I play like hit me Baby one more time and you have Britney Spears in your sheet, then you mark it off.

Go off? Where are you doing that?

Ye? Thursday?

Well Andrew, this episode is gonna come out. Yeah suck, but just tell us, like is it x.

X day, second Thursday of the month, second Thursday.

That's so weird.

You know what, We're gonna promote it on the actual page. I love we got Just send us the information. We'll post it. Yeah, will come because they love you could stock you.

You have to get you ready to get your single white female on.

That's okay, it's gonna wear your face.

Yeah, I'm ready for it.

Someone's gonna be and Jason Bourne love it. Also, you're looking for a.

Man, yeah, just have a good penis.

Ah good, that's it that's all you need. A good penis, good penis. Well, that's gonna be hard to find in this dusty city. So God bless it's good penis.

Your good penis, good, personality, good, good vibes good, he said, And you don't even care about the personality. Okay, shitty person, we got.

It for you.

Yeah, that's the name of his memoir. Yeah, that's the name of this title.

And that is the little The little on the inside cover says, h paper plate but paper play butt.

Yeah, I would be advertising that about myself.

Yeah, shitty person, good dick, paper plate butt.

That's your stats.

But also taller than six feet yeah, yeah, please we stand.

Okay.

And then Sydney, which you have planned for the rest of the month. What we're doing, we're going We're focused on focusing on.

Working, working, more on myself, you know, just trying to be happy and whatever that means. And uh, you know, I got I get like two weeks off and just.

Some wow, okay.

Ski trip. Let's plan some things now, you know, because I'm gonna have a man, so I don't know if I'm well, if you're single. If you're single, let's plan something. Since that happened like something like what we could go somewhere.

You're trying like a couple of trip with me. I don't know. We can ask the other friends to come.

To We only have two. It's on the couples and a couple. We could do a Miami birth dueux, but not Miami. We can go somewhere else.

Honestly, what we need to be thinking about is what we're doing for New Year's Eve? Yes, right, yeah, because I feel like I want to do something this year. I would like to go somewhere or like do like do something this year. Last year I was at home me too. I was home on New Ye's Eve and I fell asleep and I woke up.

And I was like, is it next year? And it was not?

And I went to the Bowdega and got a sandwich and that was I think I celebrated with the Bodega cat last year.

Yeah, all right, guys, we'll tell sure Thanksgiving plans yep, so we know. And if you have like good food, senators, we got a peel box.

No, don't send us none of your raisin topped castle rot dishes.

We don't want none of that. They don't think it's a bomb.

In your dry ass turkeys. Yeah, we don't want your corn bread from the box. I love that though. I love me some corn box.

Anyway, Rate comment, subscribe, Happy Holidays, get on that Patreon one say.

Being a ho ho home e prey home. Yeah.

And also, you know, like be nicer to yourself. Yes, send yourself a good morning, beautiful text.

You deserve it. Yeah, maybe you are the one.

You're hot, you're great. You listen to us. We're upset sexy. Anyway, Bye friends, Bye, good Christian gaze.

Before you go, hold on, we got a cute, cute little event for you.

We are hosting one of the shows for Janelle James Comedy Festival.

It's gonna be really kep going on from the fifth through the eighth. We're doing the seventh at the Bell Bell House.

It's a movement, it's a movie.

You love Janelle James. She's been on the podcast You're Obsessed with her and her festival.

Last year was like Amy Schumer, David.

Cross, Hannibal Burst, Hannibal was there, Who's it? One from the Roots Black Thought was there.

It was huge, big, sold out, huge, huge.

So we're gonna be hosting a night and it's gonna be a comedians who were flute.

Out right.

On it.

Yes, most importantly, we're hosting it. We're hosting, so that will.

Be there the entire night because we're not allowed to leave. Nope, that's what a hosting means. But it's gonna be a good night. We had a great time last year. Seventh the seventh is the show. It starts at what time, eight o'clock at eight pm. And you know we'll have a look on. My hair will be better, Sidney's hair will be this.

Yeah, it'll be more strikes.

You just buy tickets and please support and it's a great We love Janelle and it's amazing and you should buy tike. It's for every single night, but especially for the seven right Yep?

Okay, got it? Yep.

Bye Forever.

Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Bauhuam, Joe Scilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify.

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