We've often said that marriage is a business, but according to the book, Spousonomics, by Paula Szuchman & Jenny Anderson, it's really a lot more like the economy...complicated. Get the book here. This amazing book is so chock full of great marriage advice we read it twice and had to split it into 2 parts! If you grew up believing you should never go to bed angry, that's just "Loss Aversion". Found yourself talking about how you should have more sex, but can't seem to get around to it? That'...
Aug 30, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Season 2Ep. 9
We've often said that marriage is a business, but according to the book, Spousonomics, by Paula Szuchman & Jenny Anderson, it's really a lot more like the economy...complicated. Get the book here. This amazing book is so chock full of great marriage advice we read it twice and had to split it into 2 parts! If you grew up believing you should never go to bed angry, that's just "Loss Aversion". Found yourself talking about how you should have more sex, but can't seem to get around to it? That'...
Aug 09, 2022•1 hr 22 min•Season 2Ep. 8
Can we be done with COVID yet? After a week, where our concert was cancelled just as family arrived in town to see it, all of our friends got sick, Nola turned 1 year old, and Emily's work closed for 10 days, we admittedly felt a little 2020 PTSD. We decided to check in with each other, and dig into how we're feeling...hint...it's not great. We discuss dealing with past trauma, grieving the loss of our former selves in a way that we're still trying to wrap our head around after a pandemic/baby o...
Jul 26, 2022•1 hr 21 min•Season 2Ep. 7
In our 11 years of marriage we have learned a lot about what make a marriage tick, but in so many unforeseen ways we are mere novices. With that in mind, we are thrilled to have our first guests on Mess Is More. This week, we sit down with our dear friends, Christy Brandt and John Gary Brown. They have been married for over 40 years, and together for 50. They share some wonderful stories about what it takes to get messy over the long haul. We could have talked with them for hours, because their ...
Jul 12, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Season 2Ep. 6
Happy 4th of July??? After the overturning or Roe vs. Wade a couple weeks ago, it's even more critical that family care is addressed by our country. Being a new parent is a huge endeavor, and the USA is one of the only wealthy nations that doesn't have national paid leave. We have been fortunate to have 3 great companies step up to provide family support in amazing ways. We want to shout out and hear about the organizations that are helping fill the void, that so far our country has refused to f...
Jul 05, 2022•44 min•Season 2Ep. 5
This week, we dive into The D Word; one of the scariest words you can utter in a marriage. We break down 8 common signs of divorce and reflect on how we recognized these red flags later than we would have liked. But after standing on the edge of marital oblivion, we found that living in fear of divorce was not nearly as helpful as having a healthy respect for it. That healthy respect is part of what keeps a marriage in the moment, looking out for trouble on the horizon, and a relationship built ...
Jun 28, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Season 2Ep. 4
Great News! We're performing a benefit concert for one night only called Mess Is More: The Musical. All your favorite hot marriage content...but with songs. All the proceeds will benefit the amazing Creede Repertory Theatre, our creative home away from home. Get your tickets for July 19, 2022 @ 7 PM at https://creederep.org/show/special-events-2022/ If you can't come, please consider a donation to Creede Rep, to support live theatre and their incredible education programs at https://creederep.or...
Jun 21, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Season 2Ep. 3
We did it! We made it through 40 plus weeks of pregnancy, the trials of labor, and the indescribable feeling of seeing the little person we made together. Then the fun starts. We always heard "everything would change", that "life will never be the same", but we didn't really know what it would all mean. In this weeks episode we break it down: How are things different now? What does our life look like? Why are we simultaneously so happy and so sad? Why are the baby blues such a stupid name for so...
Jun 14, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 2Ep. 2
We're back y'all! And we have a new name: Mess Is More! We left last season with a real cliffhanger ...did we or did we not have that baby??? Spoiler: We did. Today's episode is dedicated to the birth story of the amazing tiny human we made! And it's a good one, folks. If you've ever had a baby or your partner has ever had one you will relate to a lot of this story. If you haven't been privy to this sort of thing, you'll get a glimpse into what it takes to birth a human and the incredible bondin...
Jun 06, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 2Ep. 1
If you're like us, you love taking silly Facebook quizzes that tell you which Hogwarts House you belong to. (We're proof that a Gryffindor and Slytherin can make it work!) But this week we take it to a whole other level with the Myers Briggs test from 16Personalities.com We dive into what makes us tic, how annoying it is to have a computer call you out for your worst traits, and how it affects our relationship. Does the test have our number or is it way off, and even more importantly, what can w...
Jun 23, 2021•1 hr 16 min•Season 1Ep. 39
In this week's episode, Emily asks Nate all about what it's like to be the other guy. Ya know, the anchor, the support person, the often overlooked partner in the pregnancy duo. What's it like finding out you're going to be a parent? Is sympathy pregnancy a real thing? And how does it feel knowing your partner is going through a total body transformation and and a potentially dangerous and (at it's easiest) a pretty traumatic and inevitable labor experience and there's not a damn thing you can d...
Jun 09, 2021•1 hr 12 min•Season 1Ep. 38
Well we did it y'all. 10 trips around the sun with each other. 5,256,000 Minutes (That's Ten Rent's of marriage! Nate & Emily sit down on their anniversary and revisit what the last 10 years has taught them, how is has surprised and challenged them. They open up about how it was nothing like they anticipated, yet richer than they could have ever anticipated. As they close out this chapter of their marriage and prepare to enter the next as parents, they reflect on what the last year has taugh...
May 28, 2021•56 min•Season 1Ep. 37
This week Emily & Nate recount the adventure of their BabyMoon. What is a BabyMoon? How does one do it? Well we’ve got answers apparently, because a registered OB in Key West chased us down the street to ask us all about it. The final trip as a duo is a great chance to reflect on where you’ve been as a couple and look forward to how the new addition to your family is going to change everything. All of that was great, but like most things in marriage, it wasn’t without its messes. From coming...
Apr 30, 2021•58 min•Season 1Ep. 36
The world is opening again and if you’re like us you’re feeling equal parts excitement and “did I really like being around people that much before?” Emily and Nate found themselves thrown back into old patterns when Nate had to start flying for work again. From little things like forgetting how to pack, to larger issues like checking in promptly when your pregnant wife texts you, it was a week filled with nervousness, excitement, relief, angst and at least one of us crying while on a plane to Om...
Apr 15, 2021•53 min•Season 1Ep. 35
We all vow that we'll never become our parents, but if there's one thing that will bring it out of you, it's becoming parents yourself. This week, Emily & Nate dive into how their own upbringing has given them insight into how they would like to parent. Prompted by a great discussion of other parent's to be they talk about the wonderful things they want to pass on to their child from their families. On the flip side, they discuss the parental patterns they want to break. They also turn the l...
Apr 02, 2021•1 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 34
You've heard of the bump and grind, but this week Emily and Nate are here to talk ALL about the bump....and the GRUMP. Who is the grump? Is it one of them? Possibly. Likely even. What they can tell you is that they are experiencing (in real time) how pregnancy changes the very nature of a relationship. Turns out the cliche we always hear about mom's hormone changes are just one part of the story. Did you know Dad's hormones change too? When Dad had a meltdown about installing a light in the clos...
Mar 25, 2021•56 min•Season 1Ep. 33
Many of us say it right in the vows, and hardly take a moment to think about what it really means. Whether it’s facing your own mortality or the mortality of your partner, kicking the bucket is an uncomfortable topic. Nate & Emily talk about how they have prepared for end of life decisions...and by that they mean they haven’t prepared at all. From the little things like what songs you want played at your funeral to the big complicated stuff like wills and life insurance it’s definitely a goo...
Mar 16, 2021•1 hr 12 min•Season 1Ep. 32
It’s not easy being green with envy. It’s even harder when the person inviting the wrath of your green-eyed monster is your partner. Turns out it’s a slippery slope from admiration, emulation, and pride to malicious behavior. Most people don’t like to admit it, but it’s easy to harbor resentment with your spouse over careers, popularity, attractiveness, wealth, prestige and a host of other things that should make us nothing but proud...except they make us feel so damn worthless. If comparison is...
Mar 02, 2021•1 hr 13 min•Season 1Ep. 31
If you’re looking for advice, we have none. This week we provide an update on all of our baby craziness and how it’s impacting our marriage in surprising ways. From ultrasounds to genetic testing; registries and gender reveals, we’re capturing some of what’s happening in real time. Listen in to find out how fluctuating birth plans, last name debates, and nesting make things all the messier. If you like us, do us a favor and share us with you're friends and family! Find us on Facebook , Instagram...
Feb 23, 2021•1 hr 8 min•Season 1Ep. 30
No, it'a not an episode about broadband. These 3 G's are all about sex. As in Gettin it on, Gettin busy, Giggity giggity...you get the idea. (giggity) This week, Emily and Nate discuss why it's so dang hard to keep the fire stoked after over a decade of shagging. Have they always succeeded? Of course not! Do they keep trying new things? Most definitely! Learn about (some of) those things and learn some ideas about how you can spark the flames and rekindle your fire. Emily and Nate got a little h...
Feb 17, 2021•52 min•Season 1Ep. 29
Is Valentines Day feeling more stale than a box of candy hearts? Are you tired of the expectations and pressure that go along with trying to fit all that love into one day? Maybe you’re anti-Valentines day all together because screw consumerism. We’ve been all three and after years of acting “too cool” for Cupid, we were in for a rude awakening when one of us skipped it during our first year of marriage. Take back the holiday and make it your own because damn it, you deserve to celebrate the lov...
Feb 09, 2021•46 min•Season 1Ep. 28
After the amount of feedback from people who reached out about episode 7: Maybe Baby, Nate & Emily regroup after the holidays to revisit the topic of kids. Will they or won't they? Should they or shouldn't they? Will their Mom's heads explode if they don't make up their minds already? Listen in to hear the latest. If you like us, do us a favor and share us with you're friends and family! Find us on Facebook , Instagram, and Youtube Have a question or an idea for an episode? Email us at lessn...
Feb 02, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 27
There are plenty of jokes out there about the red flags of dating, but what about the Red Flags waving in your relationships? This week, Emily and Nate, dive into a list Red Flags that therapists look out for when working with couples in therapy. They analyze which ones seem insane, which ones are a little too close for comfort, and the ones they have certainly been guilty of from time to time or all the time. Want to follow along with us? Check out this Buzzfeed Article of Instant Red Flags in ...
Jan 29, 2021•1 hr 6 min•Season 1Ep. 26
How on earth does Tae Kwan Do, or the Way of the Foot and the Fist , help make a marriage tough enough to break boards? This week, Emily & Nate discuss how the practice of Tae Kwan Do has not only helped them survive the pandemic and create a sense of community, but also how it has helped them in their relationship. In Tae Kwan Do, the practice that it takes to prepare for combat and and hone your skills requires a lot of trust and communication, and it turns out it prepares you for the "com...
Jan 19, 2021•1 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 25
What do you think would happen if you took a 24 Hour Vow of Silence with your partner? Well we did so you don't have to. After reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity ,Emily & Nate spent 24 hours without talking, texting, writing, and only minimal wild gesticulating . What they learned about their relationship without words was way more powerful than they anticipated. Hear how they tuned into each other's body language, expectations, awareness, spontaneity and spoiler alert....their sex l...
Jan 12, 2021•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 24
Welcome to 2021, pod goblins! How’s it feel on the other side? If you’re like Em & Nate, you might not feel very different than you did in 2020. After all, we’re all still stuck in the COVID rut, a sort of limbo holding pattern purgatory filled with angst and uncertainty, anger and Enugu, and Netflix and carbs. The good news is, we can see an end in sight. The bad news...? We’re not entirely sure how long it’ll be before the COVID hold loosens it’s grip, nor do we know what life looks like w...
Jan 05, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 23
Ahh 2020. What a year. In this episode Emily & Nate ring in the estinguishing of this dumpster fire by sharing two of their New Years traditions: The burning of the grievances, and the gratitude jar. The silver linings of 2020 were in many ways surprising, and Emily & Nate find themselves feeling a lot more introspective than they thought they'd be. Join us in celebrating 2021, the most anticipated New Year of our lifetime! What were your grievances and gratitudes this year? Email them t...
Dec 29, 2020•1 hr 4 min•Season 1Ep. 22
...All around us. ....A bit problematic. ......Absolutely necessary. In this week's episode, Nate and Emily break down the classic holiday film Love, Actually . It is absolutely a guilty pleasure for them every single year, but it gets more and more dated with every passing season. What aspects of love are ridiculous, absurd, or downright toxic? Which parts are delightful in all their Pointer Sister goodness? With an all star cast, that delivers , despite its surface level portrayals of romantic...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 22 min•Season 1Ep. 21
The Oxford Dictionary defines phubbing as, " the practice of ignoring one's companion or companions in order to pay attention to one's phone or other mobile device". Sound familiar? If you're like Emily and Nate and - let's face it - most people on the planet with a cell phone, this behavior is causing tons of tension in your relationship and is probably keeping you from connecting with each other in some very significant ways. This week, Nate and Emily talk about all the ways their devices have...
Dec 15, 2020•1 hr 7 min•Season 1Ep. 20
"It was the best of times. It was the end of times." Do you find that tempers are running hot in your household? Like wild horses? Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?! Fighting with your partner can feel like armageddon is imminent, especially when it seems like the world is falling apart around us. In this episode Nate & Emily saddle up with the Four Horsemen of Fighting. These four behaviors are toxic to a relationship and are accurate predictors of divorce. They break down how Criti...
Dec 08, 2020•1 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 19
