S1E22: An Unexpected Ally

breakthrough. I share stories of how my gift of writing guided me through the darkest moments of my life, leading me to reconnect with my Cambodian ancestors, and break the cycle of generational trauma. By sharing my truths, I paved the way for others to feel safe sharing theirs. We all have a story to tell stories that can be someone silver lining, stories of hope.

In this final episode of season one of mental breakthrough, I tell my story of a woman who sent me a Facebook message a year after my breakup with my abusive ex and said three powerful words. I believe you. This woman was someone who knew my x as well as I did. She was his ex girlfriend before me. And this healing encounter with my x is x. We exchange stories of experiencing the same behavior of neglect and devaluation, and we're able to give each other the cruiser we finally deserved.

I never in a million years would think this would happen. But I'm so grateful to say that sometimes a woman's best ally against their abuser is their former acts. It is powerful. When women come together to take down their oppressor women should support women, women should validate women, women should believe women always. Episode 22 an unexpected ally. healing from narcissistic abuse is an endless cycle of grief.

The only way to describe this relationship dynamic is living in a constant state of invalidation. Your system is in prolong survival as you constantly fight to be visible by someone who is committed to making you feel invisible. This relationship dynamic is insidious, and the only people who can truly understand this are those who have been in one. The effects of prolonged emotional psychological abuse that occur in relationships are more difficult to treat than trauma from car accidents and

natural disasters. There are psychological evidence surrounding the harmful effects of abuse occurring in relationships. This is all in reference to the book, the body keeps the score by Bessel Vander kolk. After he's escaped my abusive relationship in April 2019, I was left with pieces of My heart shattered in my hands made to feel like I was in the wrong. However, I didn't give into the facts of the gaslighting because of the hard proof of the emotional truths of

my experiences. For over a year leading up to that breakup. I live journaled my abusive relationship drew poetry, and posted it on my once anonymous Instagram account. Sincerely, Miss Mary. I would perform my poetry all over New York City at open mic nights. A chapter I share an episode to the reckoning of sincerely Miss Mary. The process of writing and storytelling was what I needed

to heal myself. I was in therapy at the time, but studies show that you need creativity to also heal trauma, not just talk therapy, and that was what writing was for me. It was healing my trauma. Trauma writing allowed me to move through the grief cycle of the atrocities I faced post breakup. I had many nights of screaming in rage of being abandoned my my partner of five years after I publicly condemned his best friend for sexually assaulting

me on Instagram. I mourn the mass rejection of his friends and family who knew my perpetrator, I became hysterical at discovering my axe stuck me at the Brooklyn half marathon which I share in Episode 17. No one believes you when your axe stalks you. 2019 was a year of getting emotionally hit knocked down and kicked repeatedly by my axe. He was an emotional terrorist and a master

manipulator. And he got away with all of it because the world he lived in is surrounded with people who are silent and complicit. My experience with him during the relationship and through the breakup taught me what didn't belong to me, him. His friends and his family do not uphold values that are in alignment with who I am. Their rejection was a blessing in disguise. It guided me back to myself. I started my journey of radical self love the route of healing parts of me I once

labeled broken. My journey led me to becoming my favorite wedding date, learning how to surf in the Hamptons, and going to Paris alone and reconnecting with my Cambodian heritage where I realized I was breaking generational trauma. I had reached closure with myself by living my best damn life, as my ex paraded his new girlfriend around on social media, and eventually in my face when he stalked me at the Brooklyn half

marathon. He may have believed he won the breakup, but the one who is winning is the one who is able to build worthiness within rather than attaching it to someone outside of them. I had reached a place of peace with the past, when a woman messaged me on facebook a year post breakup and turned myself created closure into justice. In this message this woman wrote, hi, you might not know me, or maybe not at all, but I'm your ex's other acts. And I just want to say that I think you are

amazing. I've read some of your writing. I was always curious about you. And all I can say is, I believe you. I'm sorry for what you had to go through it but I'm glad it's made you stronger. And I stand with you in solidarity. I read this message 20 times over in tears immediately flowed down my face. I was surfing the waves of complex emotions, shock, excitement, gratefulness, and an

outpouring surge of relief. It felt like bricks of trauma was lifted from my chest and my heart, especially when I read the words I believe you. I often thought of my former partners acts from when I started dating him. From the moment I met him, he used this narrative of getting dumped by his axe out of the blue so I would pity him and put him on a codependent

pedestal and it worked. He had me hooked from the first couple of years we dated by buying me expensive birthday gifts, paying for my friend's birthday dinner, and major major love bombing. Eventually, it faded into neglect. I could have gone missing and he wouldn't have

noticed. And then the abuse started when I confronted him about his best friend sexually assaulting me, he devalued me silence me victim blame me diminish my intelligence, my dreams, my ambitions and told me he would never see me being with him long term. And then when I thought about leaving the relationship, he would flip a switch and convinced me that he

wanted to get married. I often wondered about his acts and as she experienced the same emotional roller coaster of love bombing and devaluation like me. And now here she was in my inbox giving me the answers I'd been wondering about for years. After bawling my eyes out to sleep and process her message. I sent her message back the next day. Hi, Amy. I do know who you are. And I'm so happy that you reached out to me because I wanted to do the same. It's safe to say we both dodged a major bullet.

After that message. We exchange stories all day about our shared experiences what our mutual access, we had a lot in common. We both were devalued, made to feel invisible, validated, and also fought tooth and nail to get our ex to care about hygiene. Her experiences what his abusive behavior came after she broke up with him. It's not

my story to tell about hers. But we both put this timeline together that when he started sending her hateful text messages after she started a new relationship was also around the same time he met me. He would message her bragging about sleeping with new women and making six figures all the while he was dating me. I remember we were casually dating that summer, and after one random weekend he wanted to rush into a relationship. After hearing Amy's story, I realized the

timeline lined up. Our relationship was a weapon against Amy. I was just an object to boost his ego. I was a perfect supply for him. And that made me realize that his girlfriend now was also his perfect supply. Because two weeks after we broke up, I discovered a pair of blue shorts sitting on my bed perfectly folded. When I confronted him about it. He said that it just got into his laundry and he thought it was mine. I was

naive. And I believed him because I didn't want to think that he would start dating someone while we still live together. But it was true. I discovered that he had committed to a relationship two weeks after we broke up, and we still lived in that apartment together. I was in shock when I discovered that and I realized that this girl was also just his new supply to boost his ego. Having these revelations about his malicious intent from the beginning of our elation Chip

was heavy on my heart. But what came after was a release. Information is power and knowing his true colors with validation of the only other person who knew him as well as I did gave me peace in the form of justice. I can safely say it was so much gratitude that I am friends with his axe, and we both found a way

to heal each other. Amy used to have frequent nightmares breaking up with our mutual x repeatedly, and they finally stopped when she discovered my trauma essays about her x. I was still grieving over then justices from our exes best friends sexually assaulting me. I even wrote a personal essay calling up the Karen and my life, a friend of my perpetrator who chose his side over mine,

and even sent it to her. I told her as a woman you should believe women who condemned their perpetrator and I prayed she does better someday. Amy also knew my perpetrator, they used to be friends. But after reading my stories, she stopped speaking to him completely and condemned his actions. In order for survivor of sexual assault to truly heal from trauma is to be believed and validated from their experiences. The three words she said to me, I believe

you healed those wounds. I'll never forget this moment of Amy reaching out to me. It's a healing memory where I felt like the universe was speaking to me and telling me, Hey, you are never wrong in the experiences you endured. You were never wrong. And speaking up for yourself, you are never wrong and condemning your perpetrator. You are never wrong, to advocate for yourself. advocacy is needed in this world. It's so important for women to support and uplift

one another. And I'm so grateful every day that Amy cultivated the courage to reach out to me. I commend her bravery for doing so. And I gift her with these words of poetry. From one lifetime apart to one moment together, you became the greatest ally I never knew I needed. In three powerful words coated with conviction. You say to me, I believe you in three powerful words, you dive into pieces of my unhealed heart and stitch close every open wound.

In three powerful words, you sealed a chapter of my life, locking it close with the golden chains of redemption. I may never get an apology for my acts, nor though I think he's even capable of ever holding himself accountable and taking off his veil of white male privilege. But I don't need it because I receive the justice of a female friendship with his ex girlfriend. This is the type of closure I wish for anyone coming out of a relationship like this.

A few months ago, while cleaning out my apartment to move out of New York City. I discovered an old journal from a year ago. It was a letter I wrote to Amy after she reached out to me. Dear Amy, I can't imagine what you were thinking and feeling after reading my stories. I hope everything but guilt. Thank you for finding the courage in your heart to reach out to me. I shaked uncontrollably and cried out relief and gratitude that someone in Peters world believed

me. All this time I waited for his friends and family to reach out to me. You're the last person I thought would and honestly it Trumps every person. I tried to get on my side. You don't know me or owe me anything yet you believed me. Thank you. You healed parts of me. I thought I would never get back. You brought pieces of me back. And by doing so. You are my ally. A testament of true strength. I could tell you have

a good heart. You deserve all the goodness you tried to bring to Peter, the love you gave to him came back to you and it gave me hope the same will happen to me. You are a kind beautiful soul. Thank you for bringing peace into my life. Love Marianne, the words that stuck out to me where the love you gave to him came back to you. And it gives me hope the same will happen to me. This did happen to me. The love I gave to someone who didn't deserve it came back to me. It came back as

deepening friendships. It came back as love for myself the most important one of all, and it came back and nearly two years of being single in a healing relationship

chapter of my life. By writing my stories and sharing with all of you, I made meaning out of the trauma that happened to me, and transformed it into a chapter of my life. So I could move forward as an author of my story, and remind myself that the power is always within me. Thank you for listening to the final episode of mental breakthrough. I want to thank you for listening to my trauma

stories of season one. In this season, I wrote 20 trauma, writing scripts and interviewed two amazing Asian American women who tell their story of overcoming trauma. I hope I have empowered you to transform your trauma into a chapter so you can move forward as the author of your life. I'll be taking a break until Season Two to launch my second trauma writing program, where I take you through my writing process, which is what I use throughout the creation of this podcast. I

am a trauma writing coach. And that's where this journey of creating this podcast led me to I went from being a trauma writer to desiring to teach my process to those who want to learn how to write their trauma stories. In my second trauma writing program, I take you through an exploration of the emotional truth of your experiences COVID what trauma informed mental health professionals and life coaches, I will include the link to apply to this program and the show notes before it's officially

story. If you want to keep in touch with me until the next season, you can follow me on Instagram and tik tok at sincerely Miss Mary and subscribe to my newsletter at www that sincerely Miss Mary comm slash newsletter. Have an amazing summer dear friends and I look forward to releasing Season Two in a couple months.