Ep. 207: Undiagnosed: The Ugly Side of Dyslexia with Ameer Baraka

So we'd love for you to start by sharing your story with our listeners , telling us about your experiences and your struggles with reading in school .

And my grandmother was a huge proponent of education because herself she didn't have it , but she knew the value of having one and so she worked meager jobs , she was ironcl clothes for people and clean up and that's how she made her money .

But she wanted a better life for us and she always would say the only way that the Negro would get out of poverty was through education . And my brother and sister were precocious learners . They read very early on , were precocious learners . They read very early on fluently .

They enjoyed school , but myself I struggled and I struggled early on and my grandmother had this method of her way of making you smart or getting you involved . In school we would have spelling words and we had a chalkboard in our house and on that chalkboard you had to know those words .

And I saw my brother and sister would get spanked in their hand with a belt and you didn't . You miss your words . She would put it in your hand and I mean they were , they were smart . That happened probably for about maybe for two school semesters , and after that , man well , two school years . And after that my brothers and sisters were AB students .

They came home , they got into their books . I mean , they didn't play around , but I struggled . But I think my grandmother had the bandwidth to realize that there was something wrong around the third or fourth grade . She knew that I was not catching on and so she began to nurture me and so I thought she was being light on me .

But it was something that she saw that I couldn't really recognize . But I recognized that I couldn't read , I couldn't pass another dispelling test , and so it was a problem for me . And around third grade I got kept back . I was held back in third grade and I knew that there was something wrong .

The other kids were flourishing and I was cheating on my spelling test . I was skipping school , like on Fridays I would skip school and I would sleep in the project hallways to avoid the spelling test , to avoid the embarrassment . And I knew that there was something wrong . I didn't know about dyslexia .

I didn't know about any of that but I knew that something was wrong . Years passed and that's when the abuse from my mother began to come in , because I wasn't functioning well in school . And so the name-calling and my siblings ?

They were name-calling because it was this competitive nature that Deshaun and Rashawn had , which are my brothers and sisters , to compete against one another who was the smartest . And that's healthy , as we know . That's very healthy .

But I lagged behind and I got a bad taste of that language and it just placed me and impacted my emotional and my spiritual well-being . I had distorted thinking . I just didn't see myself in a healthy way . I never thought I was smart , I never thought I would be anything .

I never dreamt Like you know , some kids dream about being football players , basketball players . I never had that in mind and so very early on , around the fourth grade , fifth grade , I started watching the drug dealers and growing up in that environment . I think the dyslexic brain it thinks of ways of getting out , of doing things the conventional way .

Because we know that you have to read and write in school , right , I heard that you got to be educated and that word was petrifying to me and I started looking around like how can I make money , because I know the conventional way is not for me . And so in that neighborhood I saw men making money selling drugs and stealing .

Just as you have a white kid if you grew up on a farmland , he's not thinking about going to college and playing football like the other kids . He's thinking about driving a tractor or herding cattle . Whatever way he sees a person making money , that's where his brain is going . Mechanic work right , and so it's based upon your environment .

That impacts your thinking . It doesn't control your thinking . It impacts your thinking . Thinking . It doesn't control your thinking . It impacts your thinking . Strong values control your thinking and I had poor values , a low way of treating myself . So that's why I navigated to the drug life and I did this very early on .

I was holding drugs for older guys and they would give me $25 a day for holding their drugs . I would get out of school in fourth grade , go into projects , hold guys' drugs . I started using cocaine at 14 years old . Heavily , I was involved in cocaine . My life was just spiraling out of control .

I recall I got to the sixth grade and I was called the first day up in the English class and the teacher wanted me to read the passage and I got up there and that day I realized that school wasn't for me . I dropped out , even though I was there physically , because I had to go my mother would drop me off , but mentally I was not connected to school .

I couldn't wait to get out of school to go back into projects and sell drugs . I never made an A on a test . My grades were F , f , d , f , f , f and I don't know how the teachers were just passing me on , and so you cannot imagine the impact that that has on a child .

I mean , you know , I know as an adult how I felt not being able to read as an adult . So times that , times 10 for a child , and so I understand . When I see children running out of the classroom , I understand . When I see children malingering , talking about they're sick , I can't go to school . I understand all that .

Talking about this sick , I can't go to school . I understand all that . All that I understand . I understand when you get kids stealing and robbing because they don't enjoy school .

Can you just talk a little bit more about it ?

But I think the teacher must have the wherewithal to realize if a kid does not know what through yesterday , she must immediately set that child down right , call upon another kid who raises their hand to me , and not just pick a kid out to me .

So I think that was her mistake , which I don't think she knew , she was not aware , and so I don't hold that against her .

But what I do kind of hold against her is the length of time that she had me stand in front of the class , knowing that I didn't know every word that had to be told to me , right , and you're keeping me up there to read a very long paragraph and I'm sweating profusely . People , kids , are laughing .

That teacher should have had the instinct to realize this kid can't read . Let me sit him down , let me sit him down , me sit him down , him or her down right . And the laughter of the girl that I was in love with as a kid her name was Tyra Lawson , she was in the class .

The embarrassment of the anger you can't , you can't imagine , and that frustrated me . I went on at 14 years old to shoot a guy because he was selling drugs in my project and he wasn't from that project . But all that built-up anger . I wanted to be somebody , I wanted to be recognized , and I was searching for recognition by any means necessary .

I couldn't get it academically , and so I wanted the attention , and so I did horrible things . I'm like , okay , I can't read , but I'm going to be the man in this area . And so that's how it impacts your emotional and your spiritual well-being , causing distorted thinking .

And I had good values , but those values were altered by the way that I felt , and I could not navigate those feelings as a child .

And so that's why I'm so adamant about advocating and speaking to children , letting those kids know listen , I understand your struggles , but here's what you cannot do , here's the rabbit hole you cannot go down , because here's the danger as well .

And so it's crucial that we allow that we actually propagate this message of early screening , nurturing , because it's crucial to the young and susceptible mind . Again , kids cannot process what adults can , and so it's my job to do that .

I'm so grateful that you did , because I think a lot that happens a lot in classrooms , and it's important for us to hear from a kid who was struggling in that moment , because I just think it's a well-meaning practice that can really be harmful , you know , and so we definitely want to change that right , like we want kids who are raising their hands to be the

ones who are reading and then to make sure that we're helping the kids , we're giving the other kids who are not raising their hands what they need , so that they will one day be raising their hands Right , like , if you had , if you had had what you needed , what I'm hearing you say is you would have been raising your hand like you wanted to feel good ,

absolutely . Yeah , well , there was a guy , yeah .

It's under , like I think it's , I think it's it's Art and Villainham some kind of way that they were connected . This guy accosted me and he said Amir , I want to teach you to read . I said , man , I know how to read . He said , no , you don't know how to read . He said , you just memorize a bunch of words .

Apple computer , and so it wasn't really compatible to his program . He sent me a Dell computer and for 15 months , every day , every day , one hour a day , for every day , he reprogrammed my phonological pathways . I mean , listen , I didn't know any of my sounds . I was completely as a grown man , 42 years old , can you imagine not knowing the E sound ?

I mean , I was completely oblivious . I didn't know that the sounds you know when you blend words . I didn't understand that . I could not process that and after the 15 months online , I never forget I was on a plane and I was reading something that was dealing with some type of surgery .

I don't know if it was dealing with the heart or dentistry , but it was a word . It was a word that I cannot recall that word , but I know it begins with a C and it was a big word . And I remember picking up the magazine , looking at that and I was able to break that word down and I said , oh God , I was now .

You're talking about a grown man , you're not talking about a child , you're talking about a grown man . And this 43 years old was able to break a word down and I was excited about that .

And so I said God , had someone caught me when I was young , gave me this process , took me aside and said Amir , listen , I want to pull you out of school one hour a day and get you remediated for just one hour a day for two years . I'm going to catch you up on your reading . I would have never gone to prison . I would have never shot anyone .

I would have never gone to prison . I would have never shot anyone . I would have never used cocaine . I would have never used heroin . I would have never robbed . I would have never burglarized . I know because my brother , deshaun Harris , was an athlete . My sister , rashaun Harris , was an athlete . They went to college . They were competitive in school .

I had those same gifts and talents . I was a physical , strong young boy and had all those gifts and talents but didn't use them because I knew that I could not function in school . So dyslexia fleets me of my younger years .

You never knew until you said you were 43 when you found out the root cause .

There were 32 black men on the bus with me , headed from the Paris jail going to the penitentiary . Right , there's a difference . Jail in the penitentiary is two things . Jail is just when you go to jail you get arrested and you get out . The penitentiary is when you're given time and you've got to go serve time with guys who've got 40 years , 75 years' life .

They're in there for rape , armed robbery , kidnapping , murder , right . And so I was there on the bus with 32 men . One man had a high school diploma . Everyone else read on the fourth , third , second . One guy read on the sixth grade level . I remember this guy really smart dude . Now I'm looking back , he was smart .

He wasn't so smart , but he was the smartest of us who didn't have a GED or a high school diploma . He was reading on the sixth grade level . You're talking about young men in their 20s .

And so now that I'm in jail , I'm in the prison , I'm in the dorm and I'm surrounded by a bunch of men who are illiterate hey man , how you spell tomorrow , hey man , how you spell this . You got guys writing letters for guys because certain guys can't read , certain guys can't write , so somebody got to read the letter to them .

I mean , there are countless of men that can't read in jail , countless of men . So they had the same experience that I had . Now , I'm not saying that reading is the panacea to crime . I'm not saying that because there are some people that are small . They're still going to commit crime . But what I'm saying is , if we can curtail that number , we can .

I know . I know I wouldn't have gone to jail . I met a young man in prison when I went back . As I go in prisons and I talk about dyslexia , I talk about reading , et cetera , getting goals and there was a young man I met . He was probably 24 , 25 years old .

Listen , I know for a fact that this guy had the physical anatomy to be a football NFL player . When I told him my testimony he said man , I went through the same thing . I could have been a football player , but I couldn't read All this . So many people in prison with so much gifts and talents man , they can draw , they can write , they can dance .

I met so many smart guys well , talented guys in prison and smart men as well . But there's so many talented guys well , talented guys in prison , and smart men as well . But there's so many talented guys , but they can't read .

He taught us about our history , how great we were , and so I was in there . He said , amir , you're reading on a third grade level and he began to question me about can your mother read ? Can your daddy read ? What about your sisters ? And brothers .

It was foreign like it was a foreign language to me , and so I was the teacher . I forget his name , I can't even remember that man's name , but he was a blessing . I thank God for that man . He said Amir , I believe you have dyslexia , and I'm like what is that ? Now ?

Dyslexia sounded to me at that particular time like because my mother used to say you're dumb , you sit your dumb ass down , sit your stupid ass down . I would hear that . So that was the correlation . Maybe those two dovetailed , right . But he talked about it was a reading disability , right ? I think he called it word blindness or something like that , right ?

And so when I found out that I was not stupid and dumb like I was told I was , I realized that I had a shot and I called my mother up from the prison and I told my mother what I had and that reconciled , even though we loved each other .

But there was a moment of reconciliation , there was a moment of forgiveness , there was a moment of love and because my mother she didn't mean to say those words she was frustrated my dad walked out on us three children . He was a heroin addict . He used to beat my mom . My mom was just completely frustrated and so that pain was taken out on me , I guess .

But I said to myself here's what I'm going to do . I said I have four more years left in this prison . I'm going to teach myself to read . And for four years all I did was read books . If I didn't know a word , like through , if I couldn't spell through , I wrote it down . Whatever word I didn't know , I wrote it down .

And at night I would just go over and over and over and over those words and I got the dictionary and I started building my vocabulary up . I mean , listen , it is amazing what this brain can do . I saw myself in prison acting . I saw myself in prison modeling . I saw myself in prison doing this . I saw myself in prison going to schools .

I began to build a healthy vision in my mind of myself no longer antisocial values , but pro-social values . I started seeing myself doing great things , just like . I saw myself selling dope and I made it . I was selling kilos of cocaine . I was 16 , 17 years old . I had to connect . I was balling . I took that same energy and said you know what ?

I'm going to do something positive now , and I started building new pathways of thinking . I said I'm going to be an actor when I get out of here . I'm going to be a model , and the only reason why I chose to be an actor because I realized that actors and entertainers are the gods of this world . I said I want children .

I got to tell children the potential that lies within them , particularly kids who cannot read like I was , and so that's been my mission , that's been my drive , that's my passion and I don't want to do anything else . That's all I want to do . That's all I want to do is tell my story and continue to talk to children and continue to yell and scream .

Let's get kids screamed . The science is there . The research is how to teach kids how to read . It's all there . It's there . But our system that we're living , it is so lucrative to have illiterate people .

But even just that liberation of you teaching yourself was enough to get you out of the spiral that you were in .

So I taught myself to read and I knew , when I taught myself to read and I attained my GED , I knew that I was never going back to prison .

And I taught using those misaligned practices too , for many years , and then learned and was like , wow , it makes sense , why , like half my kids , I was sending them on to third grade not being able to read .

So what would you say to those , to those educators , to the leaders who are still reluctant to kind of make the change to teach with research-based methods ?

What if your child had cancer and the research told you that that child would be placed on a specific diet , which the research does say that right , meaning eliminating sugar out of your diet ? This is what the research says . The research says sugar feeds cancer . How in the world would you want to turn around and give your kids donuts every morning ?

Would you do that ? It does not make sense . I don't think they would do that . It's the same . There's a correlation , just like that . The research is telling us . This is the way to read . And yet you're giving these kids sugar every morning . Why ? Why are you doing that ? Why are you going against the research ? You follow the research with everything else .

The dentist says that you must brush every time you eat and floss at night . Many of us do that . I do that because that's what the dentist says . That's what the research tells me , that's why I have my teeth in my mouth . But if you don't do that , it will cause gingivitis and decay . So why would I go against the research ?

So if I do go against the research , is somebody telling me to go against the research . Am I being paid to go against the research ? Am I being forced to go against the research ? Am I being paid to go against the research ? Am I being forced to go against the research ? Because I think these principles have the bandwidth to understand the research .

They're educated people . These are not lame people . These are not everyday people . These people are educated . These people went to college . They understand research . So are they being paid to do this ? Are they being forced to do this ? That's my question . I'll leave that to the audience to figure out , but what I do know is something is deadly wrong .

He discovered many guys was not reading and so they got this law passed that federal inmates had to be screened for dyslexia . I'm saying to myself are we in a third world country ? Why do we have to wait for a person to go to prison to be screened ? Every kid should be screened for dyslexia in a second grade , the third grade . It should be a requirement .

It should be a requirement . If kids are not reading by the second , the third grade , it should be a requirement .

Like , from all of your teachers to you , I'm sorry that you had to go through that because you shouldn't have and , like , as an educator , we will do better , like Melissa , and I will keep advocating right alongside with you . So if there's any last words you want to leave for our listeners , we're going to leave it to you .

I play Jeremiah , which is a drug addict , and I do a fantastic job with that , because there's a correlation that I have because I was once a drug addict , so I understand the addict , and so it's amazing how God could use the stuff that you went through to elevate you now , and so I've gotten so much press about the way that I performed on the show , because

I was a formal addict and so I used that , and so your past can really help you if you're willing to push through . So push through . Don't give up . Work hard . If you can't read , do like I did Until you get some help . Write words down that you don't know . Spend time just learning those words until you get the help that you need .

Take care , and God bless .

Just a quick reminder that the views and opinions expressed by the hosts and guests of the Melissa and Lori Love Literacy podcast are not necessarily the opinions of Great Minds PBC or its employees .