Hello and welcome to meters pod Episode Five. I've got some exciting news. We are now featured on Stitcher Radio. We have also received our very first monetary donation. I'd like to thank Andy Holman for his donation. Andy every penny helps and I certainly appreciate you helping us keep the show going. And he has also submitted a work that will be featured on an upcoming episode. And now a word from our sponsors. Just kidding. I don't like ad supported podcasts. And I want
to keep this one ad free forever. So swing by meters pod.com and click the donation link for ways you can help me this pod continue functioning distraction free, just like Andy did. I also want to mention that I was recently featured on the comatose podcast, so if you can't get enough of my amazing voice, you can check them out over comm pod.com link in the show notes. I was on episode 24 explaining why I left my job and started Mitas pod. One more thing before the story. I've
been listening to The Once and Future nerd podcast. It is fantastic. I went back to Episode one so I can listen to it from the very beginning. It's a serialized story with very high production values. I'm really enjoying listening to it. You can check it out over at once and future nerd.com Our story for this episode coming to us from Brian K low dead guy walking was originally published in palace of reason in 2003. Like Bobby In the story, or maybe not. The magazine is dead
but the story lives on. Brian has had published stories and Orson Scott Card's intergalactic medicine show, daily science fiction, Buzzy mag and more. Check out his work The Invisible city, a swashbuckling adventure of Earth's distant future available now on amazon.com and swing by his blog Brian K. low.wordpress.com, which is linked in the show notes. I'll be narrating this story result from Billy Kingsley, Lauren Burwell and Elijah Bob Moore. Billy Kingsley is an upcoming
voiceover artist from Middle Tennessee. He has a wide variety and range of voices and is eager to turn his dream job of choice acting into a reality. visit his website Billy kingsley.com Or follow him on Twitter at Kingsley voices. Lauren Burwell has been dabbling in voiceover and narration work over the last two years. You can find more of Lauren borewells narration work
at her Librivox link in the show notes. Elijah Bob Moore is an actor based out of Durham, North Carolina, who were not preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse can be found at parties trying to convince women he's actually Clark Duke. He co runs a YouTube channel for Video Commentary called the gamer is uncreative and can be found at youtube.com/the Gamers uncreative I know this guy personally, and he does look like Clark Duke. Without further ado, here's our story. dead guy
walking by Brian K Lo. Ba Bob knew he must be dead when he saw that he hid and spilled the detergent. Anybody who just taken a fall down the basement stairs the way he had, couldn't possibly survive without spilling any of the Detergent Powder fill in the plastic cup perch to top on his overflow and laundry basket. Therefore, he thought with an ever more clarity of mind, Amorth be dead.
If it hadn't been for the detergent, Bobby would have simply chalked up his survival to one of those miraculous physical feats we sometimes accomplish in moments of dire emergency. Like lifting a car jumping out of a burning building despite a deathly fear of heights. Bobby thought he remembered flying down the stairs in a running leap, catching the edges of the steps as he hurtled down towards the ground. But to do all that, and not spilling anything
impossible. No living human being could do that. So he must be dead. Bobby debated with himself for a moment as to the disposition of the laundry. He had been on his way to deposit in the washing machine when he took his ball. On the one hand, if I don't put it in, Lynda will kill me. On the other hand, I'm not sure that matters anymore. Still, if I put the laundry in the machine, I won't have to carry it back upstairs. Linda could do that. After all if he was dead. He should be
entitled to sack out on the couch and watch some TV. He hummed while it loaded the clothes. He was he had to admit handling this whole thing rather well. Linda was bent over the sink, rinsing dishes when he got back. As usual. She paid no attention to his comings and goings until he stood at her elbow rocking back and forth on his heels. You want something? She asked shortly? No, he replied offhandedly. He paused to bring out the full drama This situation.
I just thought you ought to know that while I was taken out the laundry, I fell down the stairs. Did you spill my clothes? Nope. Didn't even spill the detergent. Chief round, wrinkling her forehead, but did not pause in her. Renson How did you manage that? Aren't you gonna ask if I'm all right? How come you didn't spell any detergent? Are you gonna ask if I'm all right? How come you okay? Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself? No. Good. Now I'm dead.
This time she did stop while she was doing the forehead wrinkle and became very pronounced. You are? She muttered, really? Looking at him for the first time in several years? Well, oh, by I think you are. God knows you haven't looked. This has been a long time. Actually. Linda had been wishing hopen and finally trying to make
Bobby did for some months now. But since she was a notoriously lousy cook anyway, Bobby had simply attribute it his occasional indigestion to Linda's normal culinary shortcomings. Excuse me, she said, wiping her hands on a rag and pushing past him. I've got to make phone call. Then she stopped looking suspiciously into his face. How long are you planning to stick around here? I mean, you don't have to go to a funeral or something. Bobby stood biting his lip and his concentration just as he had
when he was alive. Except that now it didn't hurt. That's a good question. He admitted. I don't know. I always thought that when your dad somebody come along and collect here. Maybe he's held up in traffic. Linda frowned. It wasn't anywhere near rush hour. But Bobby was still here. Despite the fact that with every passing moment, she was more and more convinced that he really was dead and out of her life forever. Nothing to do but make
the best of it. She headed for the telephone. Hey, you, Colin. Bobby. I asked your mom. Linda shook her head without answering him. faintly. Bobby heard the other end of the line come alive. Hi. Linda queued into the receiver. The phone whisper back. It's okay. I can tell Bob is dead. This time the phone exploded. Now I didn't kill him. Linda reassured her. unsane confident he was an accident. Yes, sure. He told me himself. He stayed right here.
I'll be glad to tell them myself. Bobby offered if you don't. Isn't it wonderful? His wife, widow now bubbled into the phone. Now we can get married. Well, of course. We'll have to wait while married. Bobby shrieked. He can't marry him. You're married me? Will you please be quiet? I'm not married to you anymore. I'm a widow. You said so yourself. Now. If you can't be quiet, go. Go rattle your chains or something in the corner. I'm busy. Chains. Bobby grumbled morosely.
She wants me to rattle my chains. He wandered towards the TV. Having gotten the damn chains, wondering if he had to buy ammo. Eventually, Linda called the paramedics. Hello now mom want I need somebody to come out here and declare my husband dad. But when they arrived Bobby in a deep soak over Linda's infidelity had locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out. They finally had to leave but not before Bobby had the pleasure of forcing Linda to run over the neighbors to use their
bathroom. Bobby, someone knocked gently on the bathroom door. Bobby, its father O'Donnell. Will you open the door so we can talk? Bobby flung the door open so fast. The priest nearly fell into the room. Hey, in the hell are you? How do you do Bobby? I'm father a Donald from Our Lady of Perpetual expiation. Your wife called me. Really? Bobby crane his neck so that he could shout around the
priest. Since I'm one year away Catholic father O'Donnell laid a hand on Bobby shoulder just the way they had taught him at seminary. Linda asked me to come here to give you the last rites. A little late for that. The Godfather jerked his hand away as Bob is suddenly came a little too hot to handle. Oh, I see. Please excuse me for a moment. After a few moments, Bobby followed him down the hall to the living room, where Linda stood with a double arm full of
Windows Vista software. The soft murmur the priest voice was followed by the clear and familiar trumpeting his wife and exorcism aren't those expansive well that way In for an answer she dumped the software into the fireplace and then returned to the den for more. Why don't we just bury him? But we can't do that. Oh yes we can we stick him in a cardboard box and drop into the ground happens every day cardboard. Hey, Anna lying down anywhere Linda turn to notice him for the first
time and why not? Because I'm not sleepy. The doorbell rang and the door flew open. Linda, you hear? Linda's face lit up, Greg. She pushed past Bobby spinning them lack of revolving door. Get out of my way You idiot. I want to see the man I love the newcomer six foot three blonde with a Malibu tan and sports connection biceps and velvet Linda gingerly cast and nervous glances at his audience. Bobby sniffed. The tan was from
a salon and the hair was from a doctor. He'd seen the bills on Greg's secretary's desk. Hi, Bobby. You didn't come into work today? I'm dead. Yeah, heard. Bomber. Linda tried to draw his lips to hers but he resisted. Mostly. You got to come in tomorrow. I get three days bereavement leave. Let's take a trip to the mountains. Excuse me, Father O'Donnell interrupted. Oh, Linda untwine herself and lead Greg over by the hand. Greg, this is Father. Oh, Donald father. This is Greg Sanger, my
fiancee. Oh, maybe you can marry Yes, marry you. But this is your husband. I mean, your ex husband. I mean, it's not even married yet. I told you. Bob has sat down on the dog house and turned his face to the sun. He'd built the dog house with a flat roof so the Sparky could set himself there, and it felt good. He wished he'd taken time to do it for himself once in a while. Well, he said, I
guess it's too late. Now Sparky. Spark has stretched and yawned show in a brace a teeth and alligator would envy. guess that depends on how you look at it, boss. I beg your pardon, Bobby said reasonably. But I didn't think dogs could Tao Barkey gave him a doggy expression that equated to a shrug at no dead guys could either. Bobby accepted the boy it was good grace. So I wonder what I'm supposed to do now. I'm dead. My wife left me. How about your job? Well, she left me for my boss.
Ballmer. They shared a moment a companionable silence. Sounds nice. That's not really enough. Sparky gave him that same look again. It is for me. I see here all day soaking up the sun waiting for somebody to take me for a walk. But you're always off somewhere and the only time she notices me is when she tells me not to bark at the mailman. I found the mailbox was in the front yard. It is I only bark at him when he's in the bedroom. But all she does is close the drapes.
Really? Greg's gonna be surprised. So like I was gonna say what kind of life did you have anyway? Maybe now you'll get out catch some rays take me for a walk. Bobby scratched his doll rom a year. Sorry. I guess I was caught up in a lot of stuff. That doesn't really mean anything anymore. Did it ever. Without waiting for an answer. Sparky hopped down and trotted over to the gate. Bobby walked up to the back door. The one Sparky was never allowed to go through on Linda's
edict and held it open. They tracked mud through the living room. Who let that mud in here. Linda and Greg were alone. Father O'Donnell haven't departed for his sanctuary. Bobby ignored her question. I just wanted to say goodbye. Sparky and I are going for a walk. Don't bother to come back. I'm having the locks changed. Barbie shrugged. Okay. You open the front door and let spark yell.
I don't see how you can be so damn calm about all this. How do you know you're not just gonna fall over in a minute. So how's that different from any other day? Sparky wagged his tail in approval. Oh, by the way, Sparky says hi to the mailman. What do you mean dogs can't talk? Neither can dad guys. He looked straight at Greg pointed his finger like a gun and said later dude. Greg's voice trailed after them. What did he mean about the mailman?
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