"Handbook for Mortals" by Lani Sarem

It was like it was like the author had heard show, don't tell, but heard tell, Tell, Tell Tell.

Horrible content because.

Maul's quickly make you tired and cranky quickly.

A bad author who might be a legitimately bad person.

She is love Lord. That's like her background would be interesting.

And a crazy amount of drama surrounding this book that is even more interesting than the poorly written book.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Mean book Club. This week we read Handbook for Mortals by Lanny Saramoo.

Booky maybe.

A handbook even not don't book that goes in your hands?

Yeah? What the fuck is the title?

I love the title?

Are you kidding me?

A book to the book? What is in the book? There is nothing. It's not like it's format, there's no information.

It's not informational yet it's not. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

Oh yeah, the book is horrible.

Nobody just doesn't even match the title.

It doesn't not at all.

And as we learned, there is unfortunately another same named book that is about how to cope with terminal illness.

Yeah, this book isn't easy to find, but we'll get it. We'll get into that first. Let's introduce ourselves as always, I'm one of your hosts. Sarah Burton.

Hello, I'm another host, Clara Morris.

Good morning or good afternoon or evening. My name is Jonas Grabis. Hello.

Hello, Hello, this is Raina B.

Jordan. Oh, almost sounds like you said, Raina B. Jordan.

This is Raina B.

Jordan.

You might catch me on the TV show Nashville, my sister Andy.

And Nashville again. One of this one of the settings of this book. So what a perfect time, guys. Let's uh find out why the hell we're reading this book, Johanna, can we find out? How do we? Who recommended this to us?

This book is thanks to Miles May, And I just want to say that this is the absolute perfect book for me and book club. I feel like we have never had a recommendation that was so dead on in terms of horrible content, a bad author who might be a legitimately bad person, and a crazy amount of drama surrounding this book that is even more interesting than the poorly written book. So, Miles, I mean, for me, this is the best wreck we have ever received.

Wow aho, Wow, that's big. I was just gonna say, Miles May, sounds like you know an actor model name, and I I'm just thrown that out there that, Yeah, it's an incredible name, a credible name.

I'm having a hard time believing it's even real.

Does sound sort of superhero?

What did Miles say?

So? Miles recommended handbook for mortals if You're not familiar. Now I'm beginning to quote if You're not familiar. This book rather infamously knocked The Hate You Give off of the number one spot on the New York Times bestseller list. By all accounts, the author essentially created her way onto the bestsellers list, and quite frankly, the fact that she was able to knock The Hate You Give off the

A good idea.

And she does this while describing herself with a term that is actually a slur for Romani people. As an aside, if the fact that this was an investigation into this novel's placement on the bestseller list eventually led to it being removed doesn't fit your qualifications, I understand and will recommend something else. Now, I will say I did not read that part until after we had selected this.

Oh, I said it.

But I do not feel that it it disqualifies the book at all. It was a New York Times bestseller, no matter how short a time, no matter how ill gotten, it was on the list.

It was on the list. There's screenshots I.

Prove it, like, yes, which is more than we can say for our book last That's true.

That's true, it's certainly. And also learning a little bit about how how this whole story I know John is going to get into about how Lanny got it on the New York Times bestseller list. I don't doubt that we've read books that have employed similar means in the past, Like I don't doubt that we have.

I can't imagine any offense.

Well, perhaps perhaps this is the most drastic, but I just feel like I'm like, I think that she just went too hard. I think she was she you know, by knocking off the hate you give and becoming the note. Like if she came in at number ten, people will be like, oh, what's that book?

Yeah, you might be right.

I feel like I feel like she just overplayed the hand.

I will say an adult book.

I will say for a fact that we do have another author that did this employ this exact tactic. Who do you think it was. I'll give you that hint. It was a self help book.

It wasn't The Secret No, no, never had the word fuck in it or something. No.

But it had a ghostwriter, but it was I'll give you another hint. This may narrow it down Brady quite a bit. Not Tom Brady. This person was the president of the United States. They are the president. Oh yeah, the part of the deal purchased its way on.

I forget. I forgot we did that one?

Yeah live even right?

Yeah right, yeah, I think we did it for show.

Oh my god, did we What is life?

I don't really think we did it live. We did Deal Carnagie lived, We.

Did the Art of the Deal live. It was Get the Pit.

Okay, yeah, good for us. Oh yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah yeah, good for us, good for us? All right, all right, So how did you guys consume this book? I think I might have an idea, since we had to all talk about it beforehand.

Yeah, I'll say I tried really hard to find it at the library, at another library, on Amazon, in bookstores, and eventually I found a PDF online. And I'm I'm not convinced that I did read the book, because I know it was so bad that I just like can't believe that it was the book.

I agree. We didn't go to the Wizarding conventions. She claimed to sell them out, and that was part of the issue, I'm sure. But I I had this PDF that you sent, Sabrina. Thank God for it. I hate. I did not want to read the pdf. I read some of it and I said, I can't do this. I needed audio and I had to find an app, do a free trial, some app that would read the book to me in a computer voice.

Wow.

So I did. I did. Yeah, I know it. I think it maybe made it worse speechify I downloaded speech.

It couldn't have made it worse, Sarah, I don't know.

It was pretty bad, but that's how I did. Clara, what are you gonna say?

Uh?

Yeah, I somehow meant like I had a memory of Sabrina texting the PDF, but then when I went to find it, I like accidentally downloaded the joke one that was about.

To remind fuck this.

So I had enough credits. You know how with Amazon you can be like, Okay, I'll wait a few days, and it gives you a credit for ebook. So I use my credit to get it, and I'm sort of glad I did. Because now so I like use credits to buy it from Amazon as a kindle for kindle book, and I'm sort of glad it did because I know that this is the official book. This is a weird quote one quotation mark in the middle of the page.

Wow, Or like that you didn't follow up text and try to get I was just.

Like, I must have missed. I must have made a mistake.

Now what she did it, we still were able to consume the book without paying for it, but also we would have maybe paid for it had it been possible, like I couldn't even I.

Would have accidentally paid for it. So i'm and i'm I've never been more glad I didn't pay for.

A book than yeah.

And that the library doesn't even carry it, Like good for that?

It's crazy.

Yeah, it's not crazy, it's.

How did our library know that? Like who read it and told the library?

Like?

How did the library know this wasn't a real book?

I don't think the library ever had this book. I think that they was never never, just never was there? Jana? Are you doing you doing? Janna jabs about the book?

Oh yeah, so I actually I swear this wasn't just to be lazy, because look at the outline. I did a lot of work, Okay, a lot, I see. Yeah, but I wanted to read the summary right off of Wikipedia because it was so funny, Like, you don't need me to gussie this up for you. This is the official she'll like on Wikipedia if you look for this book summary. Okay, okay, okay, any idea how to pronounce her full name? So the main character's name is Zaid.

I know it's not it doesn't end in zaide because I feel like the way you say that name or I read somebody be like it doesn't make sense because the full name. So, the full name is pronounced differently than this nickname.

Her name is s c h e H e r A z A D. So I'm gonna just pronounce that how I think.

It is here sure Shahara's odd Shaharazad.

Okay summary from Wikipedia. The novel follows the adventures of Shaharazad Zadi esther Holder, a twenty five year old woman who comes from a family of folk magic practitioners in a small Tennessee town. She leaves home to join a Las Vegas troop of eccentric stage magicians, where she forges romantic connections with several men, including Carrot Top, and relishes in how many men quote constantly fawn over her. The one exception is zeb Zeb, a magician with whom she

Zadi Zady? Okay?

During a magic show.

Jade Zaid performs a stunning illusion, but then falls into a coma after exerting herself without her anchor and lover, Mac, a fellow performer who suspected that Zadie was having an elicit affair with the elderly head stage magician, Charles Spelman. This has proven to be false, particularly as Zaid discovers that Charles is actually her father. Oh my god, it is.

I feel like she must have written it, because it's written the same way the book is written.

So I think that as well.

Oh, if it were written the same way the book is written, that last sentence would read. This is proven to be false, particularly as Zaid discovers that Charles is actually her long lost father, which means that he was her father.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and her vibrant green eyes flicked back at her. I'm not like the other girls, she said.

To herself in the mirror. Every piece of information you got, you heard the same exact words twice.

Oh my god, no, And she uses idioms and then like uh, explains what idiom, like the idiom means, but not like in a clever, funny way. It's always just it's just like incredible. It's like they're they're idioms because like idiots get them, like you don't need to explain them. Like she's just like she's just going And I don't know who told her she needed to hit that word count because it was it was long. Yeah, like it didn't need to be that long.

Can I give you I know we're not here yet, but can I give you my favorite example of her needing to explain a joke because it's so incredible? Yes, Okay, Okay, I'm gonna rev up to it because you just need to get a sense of the writing of this book too.

Yeah.

Hey, they're sleeping, beauty Cam said softly, after lightly touching my shoulder and sitting down next to me. By the way, the context here is she's like it's her first day.

Of work and she was not falling asleep.

But yeah, at work, Okay, looks like you met everyone that works here today. The line to say hello to you after your performance resembled in autographed signing by.

A boy band.

I don't really know what the latest one is but Backstreet five directions, one second of Winter ninety eight, Celsiuso City and sink boys or old Kids on a curb or something like that. I laughed hard at his combo of wrong boy band names and his clear indication that he knew all the boy bands, Sami Colon, he purposely had made the small wrong switches in their names.

That's a good one.

God, that was a good one he purposely had made, he says Grice. I want to puncher.

I have so many quotes from this book though.

Yeah, me too. I think it should just be a quote fast.

It probably could be a quote best, because it is just like amazing, like we can give you these. I mean, I guess I'm like, did the summary tell you what happened? Kind of like, because.

Not much happens mentioned that she's a witch.

I don't think she's from a family of fault magic with a K, but for some reason, it's not spelled that way in the Wikipedia. Yeah, so basically, wait, where are we in this in our outline?

We we have not even gone through the book yet.

All right, let's let I'm we're jumping ahead. Let's go, Johnna, what's the wine? Parent.

So I I'm going with kind of a mix here of one thing from folk magic Homie and then one thring thing from Vegas. So for the folk magic practitioners, we've got Natalie's carrot ginger turmeric apple juice, which feels like it's something that will help activate my magical witch powers.

And then for Natalie juice it's good.

It was six dollars, Clara, it's expensive, was it for good? I bought a gallon of milk as well and it was only five It felt like milk sky.

And then that has a nice orange color. And one of the times that you were drinking and just out of the corner of my eyes thought you were emptying on a pill bottle on.

Yeah, it gives your lips a nice like pinky glow too, like natural. So that's very yeah, if you want to look like really nice and have like a peachy orange lip.

Then for the.

Vegas side we're having it's called the black Stump Charras and it's just the wine that I had open, But I do think the name's kind of fun. The black stump.

Okay, it does sound like poison made from a black stump.

Yeah, So put all this you could take a little sip of your orange drink, okay, and a little sip of your wine.

That's usually how drinks. Bartender serve your drinks. Just have a few and take a few tips of each of you.

Here there, back and forth, and you're good to go.

Switch them around, mix them like a mortal and a magic.

Person, like a wine and a cherry coke.

Okay, that's normal. And people we did this conversation forgot about that.

It's not the last week Sarah had wine and chery coke had angered Johanna. Yeah, I want to try it. I can't believe I forgot about it.

Do you guys know there's a new coke with orange? Have you guys started orange cream? I haven't tried it? Pretty good, I thought it's pretty good. I want to.

I want to try it. I mean, who doesn't like a creamsicle?

Exactly? I don't.

I don't.

Johnny, you were just drinking a creamsicle practically.

No, No, it's orange.

John You had a choice between a creamsicle and nothing.

Nothing, nothing, really insane, This is true insane.

I would rather never have deserted to get my entire life.

What then, ever?

Have one creamsicle?

Did you like throw up a creamsicle?

But you like orange? Do you like vanilla?

I like vanilla?

Do you like ice cream? Some?

I'm not gonna go crazy.

This is an adding up. This isn't adding up.

I'm getting mad.

I don't believe you ever had creamsicle.

And orange drink, so I must love creamsickle. Okay, stop putting me in your box.

Creamsicle tastes good. That's what.

We thought you might like to enjoy something for what season of life? All right?

I have a long list of things that I would rather never have blank again than have to have that version of it, Like kettle chips, for example, I'd rather never have tap chips to get in my life than have to eat kettle chips.

Well, those cut the top of your mouth, Yeah they're stupid.

Public specific Well, kettle chips have never cut the top of my mouth, so I don't have to scream. Maybe I have a more delicate palette than you. I don't know if that's a grip.

It you rip off the roof of my mouth, both of you.

Pot I don't know.

Yeah, sorry, I forgot about old ramshackle palette like yours that I could just put.

Anything in my dick sucking palette shot up.

And she forces us to move.

I can't even respond, Okay, the book, the book, but there's so much to say, Like, there's so much to say. Okay. This book received attention for its New York Times bestseller status in twenty seventeen, which right away people are like, this is so weird because you can't buy it in a store and you cannot buy it on Amazon on so and the author had never published before, and there was no buzz about the book. So basically, this author,

I also heard that she was calling like ahead, she would like call and be like, do you report because not everyone reports New York Times, so she would like first be like, do you guys report your book sales team times? And if they did, then she would put the order in. That was like, and so did Shander pay for it? Yeah?

Yeah, but it gets so spicy from here, Okay. She had somehow, along with the publication of the books, arranged a deal where as long as the book became a New York Times bestseller, it was going to be produced and made into a film. So I didn't know that this early investment in her mind of like shelling out for these books was like, it's okay, because the whole point is that we're going to sell the film rights. And guess who's going to play the lead role.

It's land Lee, Lady Lanny whatever.

Lanny is.

In the.

Blake Lively.

That'd be incredible if only she cast herself as the heroine who will soon learn is the most beautiful woman who has ever set foot on earth, and I love And she's also twenty five Okay.

I think lady's a little older than that.

So not only was the book fraudulently put on the New York Times Bestseller, the cover art was also plagiarized from a book called The Knife Thrower three. It appeared

Did you see how she said, like why she claimed she was? She like doubled down and was like, I was able to sell these because I was selling them at this famous actor's booth who everybody wanted his you know, no sing sure, and it was oh my god, Thomas Ian Nicholas, who, of course you guys all know might want to do a little goog right now because you don't. He was in Rookie of the Year and The American Pie and I don't think anything else. Oh I do recognize,

But that makes me feel correct, doesn't make me feel so the year, Yeah, it was a great movie.

And now he's so desperate to get into a movie that he'll get canned.

Yeah pretty much. Wow. Yeah.

The direct from her is that we published the book with the film rights already in place. It will start in the lead role yours truly, alongside my producer and co star Thomas. Yeah, that's it all goes well.

So I don't think you that they actually worry he I don't think he's a big enough name to move that kind of those numbers.

No, maybe if she maybe in the wizarding circles, maybe he bigger.

Maybe it's funny because that has wizards. It's like, why is he even there? Well, i'll tell you what.

New York Times did not think that he was big enough to move twenty thousand, because they did remove the book from the bestseller list.

Yeah. Fair.

I also fun little fact is that the author used to manage the band Blues Traveler and Blues Traveler band member John Popper Great Name commented on the media coverage and her prior employment with the band, stating that he found all of this and keeping with his experiences with her, and those experiences had led to her being fired.

Wow. Yeah, I've got to say that it is telling that a woman does this little self promotion and she gets canceled, and a man does it and he becomes pressed president.

It's fair.

I guess that's a good point.

That's saying a lot of people, a lot of people do it. I think she just did it. She did it a little too hard.

Like, yeah, I think part of the problem, like maybe comparing art of the deal, right, like right, there are other good or good or bad? Like there's an audience for that book, and I'm just not sure the same is true of Handbook for Mortals?

Can I can I read no audience for it? Excerpts from the Vulture article about it. Yeah, that's good because they interviewed her, so she's it, says adapting the screenplay was challenging. My grammar isn't always the greatest, she told me. Sarah had hired three different editors to help pull the book into shape. She took pains to make sure mirrored the script is as much as possible. According to a person who read both the scripts of the.

Book, so she she originally wrote this as a screenplay, which we didn't. We left, and then she's like, actually it's a book.

Yeah, because somebody told her that books to TV move, which I've heard, you know, so she said. According to a person who read both the script and the book, Saram said she had promised Carrot Top apart in the film, therefore she had to include him in the book as well. Wait till you.

Guys, I want to do the Carrot Top scene as an act out, and I actually scripted it out for us.

Oh wonderful. Sorry, keep going, you keep going. I have another quote from that, but I will share. Go ahead, all right, I'll just do this one. So the writer of this article is. I asked Nicholas and Sarah if they felt discouraged by the recent uproar. Short answer, no. If I listened to the word no, I wouldn't be in the entertainment business for third one year, is said Nicholas, and then Sarah added, if we listen to people telling us no, women probably would not even have the right to vote.

It's justificatione.

So she's comparing herself to like what she's what she did was like women a suffragette suffragett. Yeah, it's a suffrage incredible, what a hero.

A little more about the author my about the author section, because you know a lot already. I'm just including two bios that she clearly wrote for herself because I love it in her voice, it will tell the story the best. So this is her bio from Instagram. I spin stories and I'll act them out for you. I've made magic music and moving pictures. I am the girl next door dot dot dot if you live and never never land.

God actually better written love that.

I love it, and then her bio on Goodreads, which I'm also one hundred percent certain was written by her. Lannie Saram basically grew up in the entertainment industry. She began acting at age three and continued to perform through her early years. She began writing scripts when she was eleven. Over the years, she's become a jack of all trades in the entertainment business. She became a rock and roll gypsy at fifteen and started fans and working on festivals.

She's also in. The books are all.

And they also the guy from one hundred Monkeys and the guy from Blues Traveler both spoke out against her controversy.

She has appeared in.

Films like Mall Cup Too, Jason Bourne, and Trailer Bark Shark Handbook for Mortals is a debut novel of a series of books which are also being made into feature films. So It's gonna be a series of books and they are all of them being made into future films, And I want you to know. I went to her IMDb and I was like, is what's been going on? She says she's an actress. Like her current Instagram is like,

So wait, what are you asking us to get?

I'm asking you what is the name of the movie that this jack of all trades Hollywood starlet is in as Stacy dre Now, Oh nice, really good.

Tub creep, Tub creep.

Creep is really good.

That's good. Tails from the hair Monster, good Okay, I would say, I guess Sabrina is closest. The answer is movie that she is in is called Bathtub Shark Attack.

It was a shark that threw me off with how old it was?

Yeah, ancient shark and ancient pipes. This must have been around Shark Nado when they were like, let's just make everything be shark totally.

What else could we put a shark?

I don't know about After looking up pictures of her, the image of the woman on the cover of the book is clearly a stylized version of her.

Right because she does the hair thing she yea at the bottom. Wow.

Before we get into the book book can did anybody else read the foreword?

I did because I thought it was part of the book, and it was so fucking pissed that I read the four What else I'll say is I think it might have been worse than the book. Really, really, it was so bad.

It was like this author thought it was a time to talk about themselves by the author, I mean, like the person writing the foreword, and it like starts out of like how they met and how they didn't know how to pronounce Lanny's name at first, and they go through a couple of different iterations of what they thought might be the pronunciation, and then it's it's like, you know, I typically don't like books of this style, but Lanny asked me to read it, and I told her that

The end is that her? Was it her as well? Someone else? Guy? Who's that?

Wait?

Okay, this is this is a quote I told Lanny. Yeah, Lanny, that I enjoyed this book far more than other books of the genre that i've exploded exploded. No that that oh, sorry, explored I can't read that have exploded.

Okay.

That wasn't idle talk or a friend telling another friend something nice so as to not hurt their feelings. It was real and it was honest. Like that's so dumb.

It is like most book reviews are fake, and I know that, and I just want you to know that even though this one seems fake, it's real.

I gave her my thoughts on the plot, characters, and important points, and that was that he didn't read.

This person also left a five star Goodreads review, one of the few I did you know? I had to find my five star Goodreads reviews that they were like seven. They're like seven.

Good. Well, I look forward to that. Yeah, wow.

Wow, Okay, you just let me know when we're ready for me to read seven hundred quotes from this book.

I guess let's get into it, like I, yeah, however, you I think this should just be a quote fest because it's incredible.

Yeah, okay, I'm I'm totally happy to kick it off.

I have one question before, who was making this into a feature film?

Like?

Where did she get this deal?

Was it?

That's a good question that did not come up. And I wonder if it was like the way like it was like step one of getting a movie made in Hollywood, which is like you had a conversation with a producer that didn't say no.

I'm I just did Google. AI tells me, okay that Chris Kenner, who worked on David Copperfield, will produce, So I don't That's the only name other than like the Thomas and Nicholas was mentioned. So I don't really feel like this was very This was like a real deal.

It wasn't like Netflix said if it's no.

I feel like they were just like, hey, so and so who has money said that they would give us money to make this film.

I think that's all that they Yeah, this feels like my neighbor is Maggie Jillenhall, and I put my script.

In her mail.

Baw, I know she's gonna make the movie.

Yeah.

She said if it's a New York Times bestseller, she'll make the movie.

It's like somebody was like, this will not what happens, I'll say this yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, wow, that's a good question.

Said when pigs fly, So I keep throwing.

That said Kieran Coulkin's little acceptance speech where he said my wife, oh yeah, that we would have four kids if I ever won an Oscar. He was like, well, well, well I guess you just won an oscar. It was pretty fun.

It was pretty fun.

Clara, did you not see it?

No?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do you know who Kiaren Colkin is?

Yeah? You know Kieren Coulkin is.

Okay, do you think it's Macaulay Culkin?

No, it's his little brother.

Good, yeah, Okay, Karen's name Sarah.

Were for Karen Calkin. This is the same.

Yeah.

Yeah, his acceptance teach was really good and cute.

Yeah, it was funny.

It was really He was like, I have to tell a story, and I have. I told my wife that she was I told her I wanted three kids when I won the last award. She said I could have three kids, and then I was like, I actually want four, and she was like, win an oscar And he was like, and I haven't brought it up until this exact time.

I love it.

It was great, Yeah, she wants four kids to it, didn't she didn't?

She said no, And I guess a lot she is bearing the brunt of it.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's pretty cool to have that kind of success.

Yeah, yeah, that's anything.

So yeah, definitely really soon, really really really soon, because we all now have the confidence to write a book that will become a bestseller because we read this book. Let's go quotes, let's do it.

Okay, all right.

It starts out, let's go see down, let's go round robin like boom.

Boom boo boo ohkow. This is when she's describing where she's from. She says, it's a little called town center called Center Town. Yeah, it's about an hour or so outside of Nashville, smack dab in the middle of the state, hence the overly obvious name center Town. Just want to reiterate that, she said the name twice, like it's Center Town. It's obvious because it's in the center Center Town.

Clara, Okay, I just had Okay.

It was a big, heavy door that made a hard pounding noise when it shut. I don't think pounding means boom boom, boom boom, You know.

What I mean.

Yeah, I've got a couple of descriptions of of Zaide or Zadi. Can I give a Can I give a couple? According to my Sunday the reading the Robot as like these are all within the same like chapter. I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding. Okay, Mike, my perfectly cut bang stayed unaffected by the wind.

Okay.

My favorite highwaisted Levi's dark denim skinny jeans, ripped in all the right places, made a swishing noise as I lifted my legs, and my perfect flowy Lucky's top that I wear far too often billowed around me. I rarely think this, but I wish a photographer I had taken my picture at that moment, as the outfit and the background, and I may have pretduced a cool looking photo. We need to be explained to why she would think she

What a cool I am just trying to It's so hard to pick stuff. So this is also just to give people. Like the first chapter zero. Chapter zero opens with her being like, I'm leaving Nashville and my mother because they have a fight that is nonsensical, and like, I mean, we could honestly spend like an hour going over the first scene. I feel if we wanted to, don't, but we're not going to do. She ends up in Las Vegas. There's no explanation of why or how, and

I turned on the radio right after I threw my car into drive, and the most appropriate song came blaring through the speakers of my car. It was the opening lyrics to the Dixie Chicks song Wide Open Spaces.

That is the beginning.

I couldn't help but laugh, and how truly that was my anthem at the moment. I took a sign that I was doing the right thing as I drove away and sang along to the song, which she then proceeds to give all the lyrics to.

She had to pay for that.

She had to pay for that, right. I don't think so.

No, I think you still have to pay. I feel like she had to. I don't know.

It was fucking crazy word count.

Okay. I'm also to explain why it related to her so stupid. Okay. So this is this is a quote. These are quotes from like a little later. This is more just about the character because this is like her main love interest and she's being measured, I guess for And this is the first time that we're switched up POV. We're in her PREOV and then suddenly we switched to Mac.

Because that's just something. Three quis away through a book and.

It says he raised his hand to knock on the door, but as he clutched his fingers together and bought up his hand to make a fist, the door opened, just a crack. It hadn't been closed all the way. Mac could see Zade standing and nothing but her lace underwear and a brawl as Lil pulled a feasuring tape around her narrow waist. Both pieces were black and nude with lace trim in The pandies, which were a high waisted cut, framed Zaide's body nicely and showed off her curves and

Multiple times in the book, she complains that her skin is too white and it's just like Jesus Christ Lady Girl, especially considering that this book bought its way onto the best seller list to push the hate you give off, Yeah, and another book by a woman of color off the list entirely. It's just like, I'm so white under these bright lights.

I like, even the start of that quote was like what he did? What he clutched his fingers together and made a fist. Oh, knocking on the door.

She does describe things like an alien like it's like, there's a simple way to say these things, but you're choosing the longest round. Yeah, it's part of my brain. There were so many times where I was like, and this might have been not because I was doing my invented audiobook, but I was like, wait, what's happening here?

There's way too much information in some respects and so not enough clothes. There's not like like the start of it where it was like the door was cracked. It hadn't been closed the whole way. We didn't think that there was a big check through it that it had been like cracked, like someone took it to the door.

Also, it's this book that is about like magic and Las Vegas and performing in this like incredible show. And chapter three starts this is This is a direct quote the first second of chapter three. It took about a week for human resources to process my paper an employee. Okay, I had to do a background check. Worked out well for me though, because I had to find an apartment. Luckily the first week I was allowed to stay at a hotel. I also got some furniture. Jesus Christ. I

But in her defense, the first chapter with her fighting with her mom is all about how like you read cards, people think we're weird because of that. Uh, I want to be normal, and so now she's getting normal.

This is normal. No, she's not normal, And nothing about the way she talks or things is normal.

This is her.

This is her description. It's her and Mac. So Mac kept incessantly tapping his sharpie on the side of his clipboard and shifting his weight between his feet. I stood up slowly and calculated looking him square in the eye, which probably surprised him a bit since he was at least six feet tall. I've always enjoyed the luxury of being a tall girl and five foot nine inches inches, and so while I don't usually tower above any guys I know, I can definitely look them directly in the eye.

It's like she explains it, but she doesn't interesting does so she understands it for the people who are five to five.

I'm sorry, this is another just like kind of like descriptor this is later I guess in there camping or some shit I don't even remember. But he goes. She says she's describing what Mac is wearing, which also I should say, there's a cam which is just Mac cackwards, And I was like, why the fuck the.

Same zeb Mac? Yeah, why would you have two Z names?

Yeah, they're all bland. If she's dyslexic and only reads things backwards, like is Cam Mac?

I think it was.

I think it was always always, and then she yeah, yeah, I agree, because Cam was hot anyway.

So there's a long I always don't even I guess I'll just read it. Mac had on a slightly puffy jacket with the collar turned up, and he looked rather abercrombing Fitch leaned up against the tree. I realized this was the first time I'd seen him outside of his work attire, his standard black diggies and black buttoned down his show blacks. She's describing what he's not wearing, or his occasional car arts, if he was doing something more

A movie is like a TV show, but you see it on a big screen with other people around. Other people are other humans. Other humans are the beings that live on Earth.

At the end, just you say it and people know it's.

A word you say.

It needs no further explanation.

It's incredible.

Quick one.

Yes, okay, uh okay.

So she's at the mall. She needed to get more clothes because malls quickly make me tired and cranky. Quickly figure that deserves lemonade. I've got another quick one, Editors, this is why I'm glad I don't have a free PDF, because.

I know that this was what she want it is. It's really like I think if if you told me that she was a lemon when she wrote this, I'd be like, okay, job. I wouldn't even think she did a great job.

I would encourage the kid. I'd be like, I'm proud of finished a project. I wouldn't be like, yeah, what a writer. I'd be like, it's good to when you say you're going to do something, to do it good for you. Wait, I have to share more. So we're gonna die. They're so crazy. Yes, yes, she has. When she gets to the Las Vegas place to be part of the magic show, she gets a costumer who like her name is Lil, and she like does her outfits

Thank you be a humane, be a human. Oh but so that's part of it. Also, like how vaguely things are. Information is given to us about the fact that she's like not doing like her whole the whole shtick is that, oh, she's auditioning to do magic and she won't tell anyone how she did her tricks because she's actually using real magic. And it's kind of it's like a funny premise. I guess but it doesn't. It doesn't really sustain. I wouldn't say no no.

And it's also like, you know, if you're in a situation where you're in a group show and people are performing together, like those aren't typically the people that you hide the tricks from, uh right, the people their safety that need to know details like there are ohsha regulations and things like that which seemingly needlessly brings up.

I read it that Lanie Laney lot with Lanny Lanney, you're just like Sky Turner. I am just like Skytner. Lannie briefly did work for at a magic show, and so I guess that's where she got her She must have made.

She thought it was so novel that people wear show blacks and shows.

This is something they do.

Yeah, they don't perform constantly.

They have dark days, and there are legal that run around behind the scenes. It's not just the performers on stage that are working.

It is so crazy. It's like it's like the level of detail of like describing a magical world, because you have to do like this whole world building. It's like you have to tell us about vampires and where they come from because they aren't real and so we don't have this basis of information. But she's doing that for.

The real world. Yes, but like accurate, we do this, we know for magical people who don't like live somewhere else. That's what it feels like.

This is for this is a book about muggles for magic.

Yeah, it's actually a handbook.

Wait, a handbook for wizards.

Yeah? Did she do for?

Holy shit?

So this is genius?

So this is actually hold on.

Wait are we Is it the New York Times bestseller for? What is what is the Wizarding World bestseller list? Is it on? That?

Is she magical?

She does?

She explains the magic a little bit, and I have a quote for that. Just hearing about I'm just talking about your guides. Your guides are the little voices that tell you to slow down or buy bread, or take notice of the cute guy in line in front of your guide.

You know how your guide tells you that when they're not from driving into an intersection.

She uses magic at like such random times, like making a tent, you know, like it's pretty barely the dumbest shit, it's very the dumbest shit.

And then then you just make whatever you do whatever you want with magic.

Always let's I mean, let's just define the rules. At the end, she also like tries a trick without her anchor, which is very dangerous, and she almost dies. And here's how she describes it. I felt my soul leaving my body like a feather drifting in the wind, except the wind was made of light and the feather was made of me. And that's good because when I read the part that was I found my soul leaving my body like a feather drifting in the wind.

I was like, wait, are you the wind or are you the feather? Like which was your body and which one was your soul? Like does a feather field drifting?

What's the feather made of? Are you the feather?

And luckily then she did clarify because she knows that I was a morn.

Oh my god, Oh my god. So wa, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, it's just talking.

She's talking about Mac. I grabbed my cell phone and thought about what I could I message him? Nothing, so we know she's got she's an Apple user.

Okay, so strike against where my android head's at now get nowhere.

Nothing great or clever or helpful was coming to mind. I finally picked a really sad looking emoji. Then the emoji is in the book and sentence. I waited a few seconds for it to go through to his phone, which I could see was sitting on the table in front of him. I knew he kept it on vibrate and never with an audible ring, but figured he wouldn't. He would hear it vibrate on the table and I would see it light up there.

It went almost the setup makes you think, oh something, it's not going to turn on. It's definitely she's setting up that it's not going to happen the way you. Oh, okay, it happens.

He looked at the light flash and picked it up. I watched him open my eye message and read it. I then saw him texting something back. I anxiously waited for my phone to go off and opened it to the eye message. It was. It was a slightly different emoji with no text to help me understand what he was.

He was an alien, and I heard that I couldn't.

I didn't listen to this part, but I read someone say later that like the emoji itself was actually not something Apple, you can get it that is here.

It's so true it's like it's like a crying ghost. Wait, hold on my background, put it by your face.

Okay, put crying ghost is not not.

I can't not.

This is not.

It's not an I message emoji.

Can I tell a quick aside about me having an Android? Real quick? I know you guys like me about it and like literally.

That this is you bullying yourself, So go ahead, Well no it's not.

It's meeting bullied in the workplace, which feels like an HR violation. But like every day someone complains to me, like you have an Android.

Okay, I like it.

I like my little phone. And at work the other day we were talking about doing using like basically working with phones and like going to a you Fix It type store and someone's like, oh, there would be a lot of androids there. Those people that have androids don't even speak English, was eventually said in a meeting with like twenty people, and everyone in the room was like, yeah, they don't even speak English. They won't understand, we won't be able to use Android us. And I was just

It's that's like it was really not to you.

Yeah, no, I'm insulted. No, not for you, but for the you know, it's like they might understand comedy, yeah yeah, speak English, they wouldn't understand comedy.

Figure out yeah, maybe do some more. You know, what is it? The Blue Man Group type humor?

So everyone can physical comedy. If you can make a baby laugh, you can make anybody laugh, et cetera, et cetera. They say this book uses the word et cetera. Sometimes it's like, wait, I have a more piece of like drama gossip to share.

Yeah.

So Zaide is, of course in a love triangle. She's trying to choose between mac or Cam or whatever his name was, and Jackson. Mac or Cam is like a stagehand, and Jackson is a singer, a guitarist in a band.

In the plain white Tea, in a band she used to but here's the band.

She was also the manager of a band called one hundred Monkeys, which was Jackson Wrathbone's band. So it appears that this is a very real fan fiction about the brown haired guitarist of one hundred Monkeys, Jackson, that she inserted herself into, changed his name, and then made him the lead guitarist of a different band that she managed.

It she didn't change his name, she changed.

It from Jackson Wrathbone to like Jackson miss or something.

Yeah, okay, okay, that is pretty.

Didn't she did not change?

Wow, it's really crazy to write yourself into fan fix about someone, you know.

Yeah, it's crazy, very funny and also just like also we as you guys probably gotten that, Like every guy just is immediately in love with this character too. Yeah, so she just has our pick of everyone. Jackson is like a nice guy who seems accepting he her eccentricity as well. I like the fact that she's into and her mom does card reading. I'm saying that card reading, Like that's what it's called Tara reading Tarot card Yeah,

Yeah, she does is simply talk to hang out with two different guys. I don't know if there's even kissing.

Yeah, I do anything.

I kind of did have to trail off a bed at the end and get skim. H I had just skim a bit more, but I did catch that. After she did that, she did a big trick without her anchor, and she like lost all of her energy. She got really sick. They had to take her home to mom. There was a little confrontation between Mac and Charles because Mac thought that Charles was a part if this love triangle.

He's the old main musician. When was it revealed that he was? I think I must have missed the reveal because was it was it much earlier or was it late? Like when did we find out that Charles was her father? I found out when Mac and he were talking at the Okay, all right, that's was that it? Okay. I was like certain that I had missed it earlier because like it seems so weird for it. Also it makes it funny her auditioning for she's just auditioning for her dad.

Knew she had found out. No, but then okay, so then they have to go back to Tennessee and the mother tells Mac that he has to staber in the heart.

Oh, write like an epi pen, but it's don't worry, it's like an EpiPen for energy or something. She described it in the weirdest way. I can't yeah, and also that yes, and but but before he could do it, I think the mother had to tell her life story that happened just prior. Was like, sit down, you must know this before you do it. And then also I

For some reason, I yeah, I don't know.

This part of the book was also so crazily written because it was like she said, she personally lost.

Memory of all. She's like out, she's unconscious, so it was.

What was recounted to her. But then she's just like she's telling you what was recounted to her. It was like so it was like the author had heard show, don't tell, but heard tell, Tell, Tell Tell.

But also like you've had character, you've switched point of views, like just switch point of views. I don't understand why she was like no, it must be told from the POV of the incin just person, as though they were watching every black and that nothing.

Yes, it's quiet.

I am unconscious, crazy.

Wow, what a what a book?

On page fifty five, there's just a stray quotation mark, don't I don't know. Our pages probably don't line up, but there's just I look, yeah, there's no of course, there's no quotation mark before or after several.

Pages, several pages. Can we do an act out please?

Yeah? Yeah, okay.

I want to drive everyone's attention back to the beginning of the pod, whenever we learned that someone had promised Carrot Top or roll should the movie ever be made. So there is a scene where Zaide meets Carrot Top in the mall, and I verbatim transcribed the scene. Nothing. Okay, there is not one single word that has been added. This is only what is in the book. And I'll tell you what. Moving from book to screenplay not difficult, so it would have been an easy adaptation. So I

I'll do za Okay, I'll do Wayne Newton.

Great, I'll do Carrot Top.

Okay, I will do stage directions. Okay, are we all there?

Yeah?

Fade in interior shopping mall day, a busy, well lit shopping mall. The hum of chatter and distant store music fills the air. Zade walks alone, scanning the passing shoppers. Two vaguely familiar looking men walk towards her. She squints, trying to place them as they near. Of course, Carrot Top and Wayne Newton, both grinning, come to a stop.

Hey, guys, you two are the last people I'd expect to see walking through a mall together.

Charity event just wrapped up.

Yeah, all right, before you got Here's some guy asked Wayne when he started dating Riba.

McIntyre gestures to himself, Ugh, that's amazing. You guys coming to the premiere in a few weeks.

Wouldn't miss it. Besides, you know, Scott'll show up anywhere with a red carpet, including the opening of an envelope.

Scott, my mom didn't name me Carrot Top, you know.

Wayne points a thumb at Carrot Top.

Oh got it, Scott real name?

Okay, quickly changing the subject, so.

Scott, congrats on winning Comedian of the Decade.

That's a big deal.

Thanks, come by the luxer and see me anytime.

I will well great boat.

Da gives them each a quick hug before turning away. They walk off, leaving through the crowd.

I can only stand them all for so long.

That's a scene that was in the book, and that's the fun That kills me the most. Is like when you become a writer and you're like, I'm gonna write my first sketch for my first story or anything. The very first thing you learn is like, hey, you don't need to start the scene by having characters say hello to each other, and you don't need to end the scene by having them say goodbye. It's just like it's boring,

And you don't see these characters again.

So it's not or before that, right.

Nope.

When I read, I was like, did I miss something worse somehow?

Nope.

Went from being a tennis.

Shouldn't like that a lot aware to knowing.

Being on a conversational basis with chirtup. Why didn't she tell us about that? I care of her life. All she does only hang out. She tells us about or with the show staff.

You're like, something cool happened and you didn't tell us. Weird.

She's on a conversational basis but does not know his actual name. Wow, what are you doing here?

Wait? This is a quick This is a quick quote from I guess this is Max, one of you. But it said it seemed it almost seemed like it had been planned that. At that exact moment, Mel, another girl, Mel who worked for the show, walked around the corner with a large cake lit with candles, and it was like, wait, who's the other Mel?

Why?

Yeah?

Is there Why there's another Mel?

There's no Melt's there might have been in a different draft.

Yeah. It was just like, oh my god, shit like that.

Do you guys know how old?

Carrot Top is?

Pretty old? Now, isn't he? Also? Comedian of the Decade is not a thing. I googled it.

The decade is not incredible, Like, we aren't even talking about her attempt at humor in that scene.

No humor.

He's sixty, he's sixty years old.

Wow, the the envelope is so bad.

I thought he was like ten years older than us.

I also, wow, know he's been around for a while. Also, I should tell you thirty my parents who live in Las Vegas have did go seek Carrot Top like in the past. Really it was really where it was something where they're on some lists where like if they're like they need not seat fillers, but like they what they're like can get free tickets to shows. And my mom got on it, and so they go randomly and they saw Carrot Top in that situation.

Wow, what did they think?

I you know what I should have asked, I don't. I don't. I don't remember a sparkling, any sort of review. I'll just text her and see if she it just happened.

It just happened to them.

Carrot Top. It looks AI generated, even though I know he's a real person, but like things look off, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think he's had a little work done.

Yeah, then he definitely dies that.

I wouldn't say it's good, it's noticeable work. It's good work to you work that's like, wow, you definitely got work done.

No, just to confirm I because I have that kindle version, I did a control find for Mail and the ins of mel Is saying mail another girl mil.

Oh you know what I do remember this moment now and I felt like it was just like another girl because she hates women so she had to be out.

Yeah, she really hates women.

It's Mail Comma, another girl mill Comma who worked at the show.

Yeah, so crazy, what was this even she does some like.

This.

This book was so bad. Really, it was the worst. It was the worst writing you've ever read.

I don't know that I need to do the exact quotes. But when she first goes and sees the plain white tea's the guy, the guy, Riley is like, oh no, they're actually really good. The rumor has it they have a record deal. Then they play a song and she talks to Riley again and he says that they have a record deal, and I like went back and was like, no, Riley said the first.

One and it happened during that song clearly, and it was Which isn't that their biggest song? Yes? Come on.

Also, I like googling this book now and it's like Reddit threads are like this book is kind of infamous, blah blah blah, Like this would have never been on my radar.

I know, how did we miss it though? For so long? And Miles knew.

I feel like we did. I feel like it was maybe because it wasn't a real Yeah, maybe we just had we missed it because it wasn't.

Actually Miles came to our rescue.

Yeah, no, he definitely did. I think we were like being, you know, like I have it under mean book clubs editions? Where are you?

Do?

We know how old Lannie is. She's like our age, I believe, or maybe even older now. But she I believe was like thirty five when this came out. I think I read that somewhere because I you know, I'll give that as a that's just top of mind, so it could be wrong. It was surprising.

Remember when she gets stuck in the rain on her motorcycle and she's like cold, she loves her magic.

There's a lot going Oh what No, that's so she could cuddle up to cam Mack.

I think she is.

That was one of my.

Sorry favorite I think she's forty three and she lives in Las Vegas, no matter.

Now she's forty three, okay, so I think she would have been thirty five right when she wrote it. Though that adds up. This is this is kind of like an aside. But that Vulture article I was talking about earlier in the comments, somebody said this, and I don't know if it's true, but I really want to share it because I saw no one else talking about it. Somebody same named Adrian said Miss Saram is a con artist, narcissist, and literally the most uncaring, selfish person I've ever met.

Interesting assume she had family money, the like acting she must have three seems.

Like I don't think she got parts though. I feel like in interviews she was like I always lost the parts to other people, Like I don't.

Really right, but like, how did she have the money to buy all those books?

Right? Oh, yes, you're telling how other cand did she have it?

Yeah?

And just that seems like the kind of like a rich family would push their kid into acting at three?

Right? Yeah?

Well an like you know, being able to manage bands so young but seemingly not being good at.

It or like a ball right that she has a level of confidence though that you have to respect in that in that way, you know, oh, yeah, got herself into this. We're talking about her, like there are podcasts of people talking about stuff we've written.

Guys like do you think Miles may is Lanny Saram?

Oh my god, she would hate us so, yeah, this is not gonna go well for us, but we'd love to have you on the cast. I'm also looking at Lanny's IMDb, and you know how she was like I was in Jason Bourne and Paul Blart, and it's like Jason Bourne conventioneer uncredited, Paul Blart Mall Coffee Hotel guest uncredited. I guess I don't want to take someone down that's trying to act. But it is also like there is a level of confidence and sort of like, yeah.

She's exaggerating.

Everything's a level of dishonesty.

Yeah, yeah, Anna delvying.

Yeah she is Anna Delving. That's a very good way.

Yes, yes, but she has one upcoming project. Let's see what it is. Bad men must blease. I know that's what I was thinking she had there.

I believe there are sequel books. I do believe there are here.

Okay, my media says book one of the series.

You know what, keep writing. I don't fault anyone for continuing to write.

Wasn't there a woman who like attacked her with magic? Yeah, and then never came back. I feel like that's like, well, that's for the next.

Book, for the next book maybe, But we're going to get into magic in the next book, or maybe someone from Oasis will have a maybe from her and that will be the focus.

Is there aren't there more?

I don't know.

It's hard to tell because it's like like we're telling you it's just not like nobody bought the book. It was she just bought the books herself.

And we haven't really talked about how much she hates swimming. We can talk like it's a bit comical, like every woman is like vapid, it's ugly, ugly, like uh, I had a quick stuff and then every man is in love with her. We talked about that. Yeah, when she goes to Hot Dog on a Stick and the kid like is staring at her who works there, and then the girl who works there is like gets in her face, being like he's mine. She describes that girl as a short, stocky girl with mousey brown hair.

Yep, she doesn't. She like ruins that girl's life by doing magic on her. That was like, why why are you doing that to her?

Especially when you're twenty five and you describe them as teenagers?

Yeah, like just walk away, it's fuck away.

I also feel like mousey brown hair is like has become like a standard insult. And let me just say something, which is like, mice have beautiful multicolored fur, and they can have all kinds of shades of beautiful brown and blonde and white and black.

I've never heard of mousey being a color descriptor.

I was the first time.

Okay, sorry, so I true she was like doing bad righting.

So my point of bringing this up is that she like hates the girl so much. It's like brown the color of them. I'm like, it is stupid.

So she is a light.

It's a real phrase. And the first time I ever heard it was in I Love Lucy and Ethel was like, what color is your hair? If you don't diet? It was like a series of questions, but that's the only one I remember, and Lucy answered them all in success in succession, and the answer that was mouse brown hair.

Yeah, because MOUSEI does mean like quiet and shy, but also mousey brown hair.

Light like spacific light, unfortunate.

That's like not I think, what is my hair color?

Eyes?

Exactly?

Okay, so you no, no.

It is also I want to do a shout out to exactly one listener, Emily. I found out recently. Sabrina is a huge is Love Lucy fan? So oh yeah, Emily, I thought you would be interested in knowing that didn't know Sabrina was a huge Lucy fan. But now I know, and now you it's true, and now everybody.

Does well, and we have evidence, and now we have evidence.

I know.

Yeah, I just, you know, remembered that dumb little bit. Have I ever been friends for thirty five years and you just found this out?

Yeah?

I know, it's weird. I've always thought you were very funny and had great taste.

What's because I am luci o'balleryan Carnival.

Well, that's right.

She died a month before you were born, and you're pretty sure you might be Lucille ball Is that?

That's part of it too, right that when I was a kid, I did think that that was true.

How do you feel what peron percentage of you still thinks that's true?

Not zero?

The month before is good? It took a month of you know, you get settled and figure out which kid to go into. Yeah, that makes it more realistic if it was the danking it was.

It was a little more than a month before she was she was dead. I was gonna say so in this April twenty second.

You were born famously June second, So I guess in this world you were a baby with a soul and then Lucille Ball was like, I want to be this baby's body, so she killed the soul that was in your body and became that soul and then was born.

Maybe I didn't have my soul until just nothing yet I got it.

Yeah, yeah, that's fair, that's fair.

It's a clear when a soul, it's when celebrity.

Shoot, yeah, we don't know the rules of celebrity soul. We need a book. We need a handbook for this, the.

Handbook for Celebrity Soul.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, so it's the book is all about dead celebrities who are like picking who they're going to be reincarnated as, and like where do you want to go?

This book Handbook for mortals, made me less confident I could write a book, because it's like, really, this is someone who thought they could write.

I know, I know, I feel the same Clara. She thought she was writing a book and she was writing.

There's no personality in this writing at all, like at all, And I feel you would have a lot of personality.

Thanks Sabrina, and I cut you off while I was making that point you were going to ask about.

Who.

Yeah, we're all of you reincarnated.

I'm pretty sure I'm.

A first go I'm actually confident that I'm a first because my birthday is the first day of the Aries sign, and Aries is the first sign. So I'm positive that I'm a brand new soul. Plus just my personality, my freshness, my like zest for life, I mean, my my stupidity.

You're not what's that? Okay?

Well I was going to do a joke like your stupidity, but you did it.

But I took the power away. I took the power away, and I so, yeah, I think I'm I know, I know this is I'm me. I'm fresh. So it's like amazing that I'm as good as I am, you know what I mean, Like I'm a first time soul. Like you'd think i'd be out there bar Is Low. Yeah, I could be doing anything. Instead, I'm choosing to be a good person. Jesus Christ.

That's incredible. That's just like Jesus Christ.

You could just could have been Maybe it was Jesus.

You guys know, I used to joke that Alfie was Jesus recorded because just makes people happy wherever he goes?

Is that something known of Jesus? But he made people happy wherever he was.

I don't think that was one of his things. I don't think people wanted to kill him.

He flipped those tables over at the gambling behavior of man.

People don't like.

Clara.

I feel like you, and I mean this only as a compliment, were a dog.

Before.

Yeah, yeah, I can say that I don't understand, don't know anything about Jesus.

I guess I am.

How far along do you guys all think you are? Because my answer is deadly serious. I really think that I'm a first timer?

Do you?

I mean, Serena, you know you're Lucille. Do you think like you had a few runs before that?

You know?

Okay?

I don't feel certain on how many runs I had, but I I feel like I have a such a connection with the universe that there's no way I agree, even if it's not Seal herself though, I'm sure.

Okay, Clara, Sarah, So who is is someone who.

Makes someone's life better?

We're Roger.

I always called him like the second coming of Christ and stuff I always called him that because his birthday was near Christmas.

Mm hmm, yeah, maybe maybe Santa Claus.

Maybe he was maybe Santa I don't know. I think this is hard because it's not a premise I really think about. I guess. I guess kind of like a mac. I don't really think I subscribe to this belief system. So I don't really think I am someone who's reincarnated by or whatever. So I'm trying to think of something fun. But I just googled who died the air was born? No one's coming up. That's really clicking.

Jeffrey diarund what I'm just spitballing.

Well and again, it could be like any time before you were born, or if you felt like you had a big personality shift at any point in your life. Maybe we're jolted.

You think the soul this is my first You think this is your first side.

I know, I don't. I think I'm just going auls. I think I'm just going soul.

Liess.

If I'm honest, I think I believe that I don't have one. I'm just going without, go without.

Okay, Well, you could be you could be Andy Warhol, you could be Bob Fossey.

These are these random? These are these are objects?

These are people who died.

Clara, I believe this is a first go round for you as a human. I do agree. I think you were probably a dog one or two times. But I think just you're sort of.

Like one or two.

Things you don't know about, like feel like, yeah, this is your first time.

Yeah, okay, so other than Jesus, what doing not.

Like the fact that you don't like music? Internet?

Okay, so everyone went did someone say Internet?

Yeah? I said Internet. I don't have.

A lot of stuff, just like oh, I explained it to Clara because she didn't know night.

No, that's bullshit.

Remember remember that time you didn't know how to unplug your laud The light was like crazy and you were like, it's I can't think.

I think she was doing a bit. But we didn't like it. No, yeah, I was.

We didn't like the b but nobody liked it, right, And I was like, I'll just leave it all the entire time.

We were mad. We didn't like.

Yeah, my ring lights stopped working.

I'll dare it.

You leave it on all evening?

Sure y, Yeah, that's gonna great.

I don't have to turn it off. Someone must have turned it off.

No, I died.

Yeah, so the lighting is not great tonight. All right, well we never have it back there.

You just have it set up like as though it were on.

Cool.

Guys, do we are we done with this book?

What do we?

Yes? We do? Good good Reads, five star reviews. We were promised some stuff from Sky et cetera, so I'm excited.

I did write down Sky's review, to be honest, because it was just like really, it was like so uh corporate, you know, it was like okay, But I found a few others. Christy Ricchie, I think, first of all, I'm just gonna go ahead and say your name is too close to Christina Ricci. Yeah, so I'd say go ahead and change that. But the review was I read it within a few hours. I couldn't put it down. It is slow to start and does have some grammatical errors.

So if she called Barnes and Noble and ordered the books and stuff, what's to keep her from making several Good Reads profiles. Yea, and this good book or whatever the little mistake was in the first sentence makes me think she wrote that reveal.

Yeah, yeah, So then this is an odd one and I don't quite understand the point that that's being made here. But I mean, like I said, there are only like seven good reviews. So Brian Hogan says, so stay with me here. Enter an outsider, outsider who shows up on the scene with something that garners attention. There's a lot of people on the internet who don't think this person deserves the attention, and they do everything within their power

I give he maybe had several things he was going to put online and copy and pasted.

Like it or not, what is Trump won her winning? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I think he's because he sounded like it could have been about her.

I think he's comparing the attacks on her book to the attack on Donald Trump, which is really funny because it's like, and he definitely seems like a Trump fan. But it's like her book was proven to be fraudulent, so it's like, it's totally supporting your argument. It's a little confusing.

I guess if you deny the fact of it, it's fake news that she was doing that despite the proof.

It just took a left turn that I liked, and it was a little It was better than the ones that seemed body. So that's why I threw it in.

They got there, they go.

It could have also been some sort of that she hired, honestly, yeah, to do good reviews, Like there's no way who would read this whole thing, let alone review it.

I'm done, I'm done. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.

All right, all right, guys, Okay by.

Hate Ray zero out of five across the board.

I guess, yeah, I guess zero out of I mean, I feel like I could give it a one out of five because I think it did make me feel like I could write a book, but you guys said it felt it made me feel.

The obvious that it's harder than I was, like, maybe writing a book is hard.

Actually yeah, I just yeah, I guess it was like I fear that this is what it would look like if I tried to write a book. But I always fear.

I just I've already I've started writing, and it's not what it looks like when I.

Write a good that's the kind of that's confidence.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I started writing a book.

Yeah, you know, Okay, everyone everyone thinks I'm writing my own autobiography.

No, whatever, they are correct?

What the.

You can't say what she's told us about it?

Like fifty times, but I can't say publicly.

I feel like it's a biography. When you say she's told us about it, it's not.

No, yeah, what do you mean what she has talked about this?

I don't know what you're talking about? What is it?

What is it?

I can't say publicly because I don't want the idea to be stolen, because it's going to take me another four years to do it.

At the pace i'm can't. Everyone knows. You can't worry about that because the way you write it will be uniquely used. So you can go ahead and tell.

Us I.

Thought we were all going to write a book together.

Yeah, yes, exactly.

So I'm gonna reveal I've been writing it for years.

No, please don't.

I'm going to do it because you're pissing me off.

I think, being serious, I don't do it.

It's basically the premises. It's just like young folk magic practitioner who leaves the Las Vegas to join a sideshow.

Cool.

Yeah, that's it. Her name is Sabrina. That's the change.

It brilliant.

All right, if you were actually magic, would you go on stage and be like, look at me doing magic. You guys think I figured out how to do this, but it's real magic, Like it just doesn't even seem like a skin.

I would reveal it in the shittiest, dumbest way possible and everyone in a way where everyone would be like we already knew, and your magic stupid, because I'd be like, I'm magic, you assholes. Look I can clean up the stain, I like clean up the state.

Wow.

Okay, yeah, I guess you're magic now, and that's how we learn.

Yeah, you probably could have been helping me with more things.

Ever, give me anything.

Here's a magic Yeah, that's where we are. She's magic. But she goes shopping at the mall.

Yeah, she's doing dumb ship.

She's doing dumb sh Listen. I can't think about her any longer.

I agree, let's go. I need to leave, now, go bye.

All right?

They were okay as well.

Guess oh yeah, yeah.

Little fucker, little fucker.

Ah, I guess. I can't say that.

It's it's it's it's it. Oh my god, say it, it is it?

Oh my god, say it is it. It's gonna be now. I was gonna say it's my my my baby here at the beginning, making probably making no.

I loved him being here. He gave the biggest smile. It was so sweet, you're now my little fucker for even suggestion it was. He gave the most precious smile. I mean, people can't see it. They probably could only hear him going.

In the background at the beginning.

People love sweetheart.

I love babies.

Now.

I never thought i'd be one of those people. But now you got a baby, you're like other ones are cute.

Now.

Prior to this, I I did have to like fake it a little bit oh weird because clar and I know baby you hav so it's weird that you say that with others. With other people I cared for, it left well yeah, well, I mean.

Yeah, unfathomable to think someone wouldn't be so yeah.

No, I just mean with like people you don't know, like dumb people and dumb babies, not yours.

Yeah, I will say I have actually sort of the opposite. And it's not not with people I love babies, but with like a random baby. It's like, like I say, having Alfie made me less of a dog person, because like I like Alfie, I'm an Alfie person. Yea, So now it's like I'll give a shit about some other baby.

Wow, the opposite with dogs and babies. Yeah, all right, who's that? Who else? Who else we have for a little fucker.

A little fucker, little fucker. I think I'm also gonna pick Sarah because she was like, I don't know, that whole reincarnation thing seemed like she didn't really have to throw in that. Once she set up my Internet for me, which was like a nice thing to do, but I didn't know I was going to hear about it for the rest of my life.

Yeah, it happened several times that I have read.

I like that, although for Sarah too, just out of expedience, see, because this book has really tuggered me out, and I wanted to go to sleep, and I really, Sarah thought I was never going to vote for you because you have your DSP. That's a dick sucking palette.

Oh my god. Oh I wish I could take back my vote.

Beautiful.

That was really good, but unfortunately is yeah. Yeah, so unfortunately the tide turned and I had to to Okay, it's fine, it's fine, all right, do you throw a vote?

Little princess voted? Oh, I mean remember it can only be it can only be, uh.

Clara basically not just you basically could.

Because the bread the bad thing.

All right, Sure, Sarah can never be a historic.

Than I did just coin d SP. I mean, I don't want to even get myself on this.

She coined DSP. You know, something I admire about Sabrina is that she could play both sides, so you know, she's just very genuine.

All Right, I'm going to say Sabrina in an attempt to make this.

Princess to say why because she can and then like giving a compliment.

Now you don't like little princess, Johnny can't.

This is more annoying.

John's exactly how I felt the whole time.

Stupid took yourself out of it, Sabrina, Sabrina.

Yourself.

You can privately text me whatever you're going to say. That's me great, Okay. What is our book for next week? What's our book for next week? What the hell is our book for the next episode?

The calendar?

It is Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Rayburn. I'm excited.

I think this isn't actually this one.

It continues our string of murders.

I'm excited.

I hope it's great. I need a good one because, dear God, these last two.

Yes, as always, we are mean book club. Please follow us on all the socials, and we've got Blake. He's he's hitting stuff hard. He's showing you stuff that's our you know, Sharon, fun stuff. You guys know Blake, that's our boy, Blake. Patreon, please become a member. If you become a member, we will and you give us enough money we will read your b That's simple, okay.

And ideally meet the criteria of being a New York Times bestseller. We would love if it were.

We wouldn't, but we were. We're very We are easily tricked. Yeah, photoshop something, send it attached it at the PDF. We will not question it. But we book up dot com. All right, guys, we'll see you next episode.

Bye bye, Losers Shop.

No, we don't recault.