¶ Intro / Opening
So Veronica, you are founder of the dress rehearsal and intimacy director dedicated to inclusive, consent, forward sexual health education and creative storytelling. How's that?
Yep. That's me. Yeah.
All right, so let's start, what matters most to you right now, and what's the story behind it?
what matters most to me besides everything is I'm really passionate about creating spaces for artists to thrive, and when I say that, I really mean creating. Consent forward theater spaces, also known as spaces where folks are allowed to have boundaries and are allowed to recognize what they need as an asset to their art making rather than, a reason they're afraid to speak up or say, oh, I don't wanna be a difficult actor.
So specifically, I work in scenes of intimacy, so if you ever see a spicy scene on stage, they bring me in to choreograph that, but more specifically, they bring me in to help create a space that gives a little bit more room for actors to step into their power. Because theater is filled with power dynamics as is every part of life. But specifically in theater, there is this culture historically where folks are really nervous to ask.
For anything because they're afraid that they'll lose their job.
¶ The Role and Impact of an Intimacy Director
And this role is a very new one, intimacy director. It comes on the heels of the Me Too movement, and really serves as part choreographer, part advocate for actors and part, I think boundary cheerleader is how I consider myself, because what matters to me is realizing for all of us, whether or not we are a performer or an actor, or an artist, or a creative, we are all creating our own life. And we are taught that our boundaries are things that keep other people out.
When in reality, I think boundaries create. A really important space for us to play and feel creative and connect with each other. And so what matters to me, I think right now uniquely, is realizing that actually in saying what we need, we create an opportunity for more connection rather than less.
What's the, impact of a theater performance that doesn't have someone like you around? How do people feel as they go into work and acting and,
Yeah, It's because it's such a new role. There are some folks who have been in the industry forever and have found, thankfully for their experience, haven't necessarily had any icky experiences in where in which they felt like they were asked to do something that they weren't comfortable with, or that their scene partner decided to improv a make out scene in the middle of a production. But there are a lot of folks, unfortunately, much more that tell me when I come in.
Horror stories of what it has looked like historically. People who were 16 years old and had their first kiss on stage with a 3-year-old, and people who, didn't have any set choreography for scenes that are enacting trauma and instead had to really go there in terms of improving it with their scene partner and knowing that there's a difference between acting and feeling equipped to improv and having a structure so that what you are improvising is not at the sake of your safety.
And just like we bring in a fight choreographer when there's a fight scene, in moments where they don't bring in an intimacy director, historically, I've had so many people come up to me and say they have real trauma, like talking to their therapist trauma about
¶ Challenges and Advocacy in Theater
who, who would advocate in that situation?
Yeah, some brave actors will advocate for themselves, which is really challenging, especially in a system in which the person who gave you your job is the person that can take it away, and is the person that is maybe asking for you to tell the story in specific ways that they didn't let you know about before you said yes to the gig. And so sometimes stage managers will be excellent at stepping in.
I know so many stage managers that are just like the backbone of this family and absolutely are in the corner of actors and, everyone in the production space. But up until this point, there hasn't been a ton of critical self-reflection as an industry. On what, do we do to remember that when we create art sustainably, and with our humanity at the center, we actually feel safer to take big, bold risks artistically. It doesn't decrease it, right? Intimacy directors are not the HR of theater.
That is not what we are. We actually just help create spaces so that folks feel like they have all the tools and resources and information they need to really be present in the work that they're doing, rather than having their nervous system completely activated and feeling like they're missing the experience because they can't stop thinking about that, scene that's coming up in Act two, that they have no idea what's gonna happen because their scene partner just.
Chooses what they wanna choose as they go along.
And that's, such a life skill, also teaching people to advocate for themselves to stand up for themselves.
Yes,
¶ Veronica's Background and Personal Journey
absolutely. I think I came to this work with a background as a sexuality educator and coach. I had been a theater kid for forever. I am a burlesque performer, so the arts have always been a big vehicle for the ways in which I educate and bring these topics up. But before intimacy direction was on my radar or even existed, most of my time was spent.
Having conversations with young people, with adults, with professionals around sexuality and sexual health and gender and all of these things that were given a ton of shoulds around, for lack of a better word, we're told to be a very specific way in terms of what sex is supposed to look like, who is attractive, how you're supposed to behave, what are the things you're supposed to talk about or not talk about.
All of these like societal messages that get in the way of us actually noticing what feels authentic for ourselves. And so a big piece of unlearning all of that stuff, whether or not it's in a stage space, is having just a little bit more space to notice what feels right for us. And most of us, at least in Western cultures, are so disembodied. We like don't even know how we feel about stuff. We don't even know what We
we don't take time to reflect.
No. Yeah, when, would wait in this economy, we can't. And so I think that through line of giving folks space to even notice what feels okay to them and then giving folks or supporting folks and figuring out the tools they need to be able to communicate that and feel confident in that communication. 'cause there's so many layers to it, right? and it's complicated. And that doesn't leave when we like enter a rehearsal space.
So, I'm hearing authenticity. I'm hearing communication, I'm hearing reflection. When did you decide that those were important to you?
I grew up with no sex ed at all. I got something called Chastity Day, in which they uhhuh I know, it's terrible. I went to Catholic school for 19 years and they gave us, one day where all the elementary school students in the diocese would have an assembly at a high school and they would tell us about sex, but very specifically messages, that if you have sex before marriage, you're like a used piece of tape or a chewed piece of gum or a flower that somebody stepped on.
Someone's job is just to come up with those analogies.
It's nuts. Absolutely. And I'll be honest, they, stick as far as an analogy goes, like they were impactful. and so I grew up as a, queer person who did not yet know she was queer. I had no points of reference for what that even could look like and was instead given this information that was really shame-based and really intense and scary, and so it wasn't until I was out of college really, that I started to have space and interact with people in the world who lived so many different ways.
There are so many ways to be a person. And started to realize that, oh, I don't think I even had a space where I knew I could pursue my authentic self. Without someone else's values or judgment being thrown upon me, right? There was always a specific end that my teachers were looking for, right? Here's information and this is what we want you to believe with it.
And now so much of what I do in this authenticity and communication work is really rooted in the belief that if we are people who are in our own corner and fight fiercely for our right to pleasure and intimacy and connection that feels free then actually that's going to have a ripple effect and help all of us get free, and I think theater is such a unique space for that to trickle out because. Theater is a place where people
By definition.
questions. Yeah. They're exploring new ways of being. That's why I call it the Dress Rehearsal also 'cause my last name is Dress and it's a great pun. But, a place where we can be like, okay, what would it look like to try some stuff on, try some new ways of being and see what actually feels good.
That's great, Veronica. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.
¶ Speed Round: Matters, Not Matters
Okay, let's get to the speed round, the matters, speed round topics here. Okay. So let's start with, you'll just say matters or not matters. And if you wanna give a little sentence or two why you can, or we could also go back and. You pick out the ones that are more interesting, so that's up to you. theater, creativity, mental health,
matters. Oh, no. I'm gonna say matters for everything.
pickleball,
Oh, doesn't matter.
pizza,
Doesn't matter.
censorship.
Matters.
Dating,
Matters.
storytelling,
Matters.
music,
Matters.
friendship,
Matters.
self-expression, climate change.
matters
I'm trying to find something that doesn't matter here on my list. I can't find anything. How about,
Math and sports probably are the things that don't matter to me. It doesn't matter. My dad will be very upset. I come from Eagles territory, so culturally it matters, but not to me.
Okay. that's great.
I just wanna say thank you for creating spaces like this. This is really lovely.
Thank you.