Chapter One: Professor Logan

The following podcast contains strong language and adult themes and is intended for a mature audience. Listener discretion is advised. This is the voice. keeps you up at night. That feeling of dread in your chest. That churning in your gut. That bell ringing in the distance. You've been trying to outrun it all your life perhaps Looking for that quick exit clawing to get away from the dark shadow But I cannot be out. Marvel Entertainment and Sirius XM present Marvel's Wastelanders Wolverine.

Chapter One, Professor Logan.

Oh, you really don't know who he is, do you? You. Baby mustache. My name is Kevin. What did I just write on the board? Don't erase this ever. Underneath it, baby mustache. Professor Logan? Professor... Logan. Not Wolverine. Wolfie. Wolfman. The Wolf Tank Clan. Logan. We all have that down? Good. Good morning, students. This is Professor Xavier speaking. The new semester is underway at the Xavier Institute, and spring is my favorite time of year.

The sun is out. The deer are grazing upon the lawn. And just as the fruit ripens on the branch, you too will mature and grow. Under the wings of your professors, You will grow into your abilities and blossom into the civic-minded individuals you are meant to become. So, let us always remember that even those who seem full of hate and fear are worthy. of our protection. And with that, have a wonderful Monday. And don't forget to wear your wacky hat tomorrow for school spirit week.

Charles Xavier. He's the only man I'd stand here in this ridiculous polo shirt for. And it sure as hell ain't to teach polo. Let's learn about WW2. This is a map of Belgium. That giant red splotch, that's Nazi Germany. That dead fly stuck to England, that's us. We're going to learn about a specific action in Bastion called the Battle of the Bulge. Shouldn't we start with Pearl Harbor? You want to teach this class, smart lip? It's Billy. Not anymore, smart lip.

Belgium. In November of 1944, the Germans were losing the war. But they had a secret weapon in the wings, and it went by the name of Mother Nature. Winter of 44 was brutal. The weather was so cold that the only way troops from the 3rd Armored Division could get their rifles and machine guns unfrozen was by pissing on them. Pissing on them? Yep. You indeed, Green Sweater.

She gets to go by green sweater? That'll be enough, smart lip. You too, baby mustache. But the Germans had another trick up their sleeves. They were devising secret tank moves. Moves that... could change the entire outcome of the war if a certain decorated soldier couldn't stop them. Wait, can I ask a stupid question? You're doing it. If you fought in so many wars, do you ever feel bad about the number of people you've, you know... About the number of people I've... You know. Fought? No.

The people you've made into... coleslaw? Become the claws. What exactly do you think a war does to you, smart lip? You think it's a polite game of checkers? War makes you an animal. You're sleeping in the dirt, not having enough to eat. On three hours of sleep. So cold you could think that maybe I'll lose a few toes by the new year. Or it's summer and you're walking around in a wool uniform.

And you stink. I mean, you really stink. And you can't get a hot shower or anything that'd make you feel civil. Because if you were civil... Smart lip. You couldn't go do all the unholy things you gotta do in a war. Because people are depending on you. Because things are required of you. Because if you were civil, you'd be sitting at a table to eat your supper tonight and not asking yourself if you have the right to sit there anymore. Because you ain't civil.

You ain't fit for no table. You ain't even yourself. Because you're hard. And you're mean. And you do stuff based on someone else's command. Which, come to think of it... Might make you worse than an animal Because at least an animal kills because it's saving its young because it's saving itself Because it's just friggin hungry Not blindly following orders about some geopolitical fight it doesn't understand. Green sweater. The headmistress is here.

I was just catching a bit of your lesson there. Could I see you in the hall? Yeah. And you. You keep staring at the map. I heard that. Jean, they're eating it up in there. I think I got this teaching racket down. Logan, I love your passion for education. Don't get me wrong, but the object here is to build the students up.

Not terrorize them. Uh-huh. Constructive feedback. But that's not why I pulled you out. It's Charles. What's wrong? I'm hearing no chatter from the usual suspects. The Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. are reporting the same. Same with the Thunderbolts. It's dead quiet out there, and Charles doesn't find any of this concerning. But you do. Put it this way. Characters like Sabretooth don't go on vacation. Never seen him in a beach here, no.

It's not my mind this time telling me something's wrong. It's my gut. Maybe I'm just worrying more now that my own daughter's a student. So you need me to be on the lookout. Wish I knew what to tell you to look out for. I guess you'll know when you see it. You got it, Red. Nothing's gonna happen to you on my watch. I don't care about me. Good thing I got that covered. Just care about the students, okay? And...

Go a little easier on them. Squad thrusts. Drop and give me twenty. Thousand. Count it off. Kids. Mental preparation is physical preparation. And the enemy is always coming at you. Either bomb, a bullet, a cheap shot, or a low blow. Heck, Mystique might jump out of the bushes and pretend to be your mother. What are you doing? Don't look at me. Keep squatting. Keep thrusting. You too, baby mustache. Let a little fur slow you down. Hey, Logan. Mind sharing the field with my class?

Be my guest, Kitty! How about a friendly game of football? Green 80! Green 80! Omaha! Hut! Hut! Hut! Massive lineman you got there. He's related to Sasquatch. These sweaters are trouble. She's passed it off to Smartlip. Go, Smartlip, go! Now that was a rough hit. Yeah, maybe we should have made this flag football. You okay, Bob? Oh, he's getting up. And he doesn't seem to have a scratch.

He's kind of like you, Wolfie. Might have read something about that in his file. I like this one. She's bossy. That's green sweater. What happens when she wears something else tomorrow? You know who she is. Of course I know. And I know she's lucky to have you as a teacher. Why's that? Because you know what to do with a fighter? As she did with me.

Shucks, half-bite. I gotta get these kids inside. Game's just getting good. Yeah, but these kids need to learn math. Oh, Professor X is letting me work on Cerebro. Make a few modifications. Pretty soon you're going to know all this place's secrets. It'll go away. Listen, about before... I stepped over the line. No, I'm flattered you care. No, about what I said in class. Oh, right.

What you said in class. I think I'm just being paranoid about Charles. If our enemies were organizing, he would know, right? Charles would know. He has Cerebro. That machine can locate every mutant on the planet. So why do I feel sick? Why do I feel like everything can change on a dime? Because you and I know better. Because you and I have seen a lot of messed up stuff in our lifetime.

We have. And through everything, the only thing that stayed the same... Is what? You and me. What are you doing, Logan? I'm not doing this. I gave you my heart and you split town. That's what stays the same. You always seem to leave that part out. I'm not asking to come between you and Scott. Hey. Hey, bud. Honey, I need you to turn in your class syllabus by the end of the day. You got that, honey? Watch it, caveman. Only my wife calls me that. To you, I'm just Scott. Or Cyclops. Or Sugar Bear.

Busy day in the teacher's lounge. Professor Logan? Does that door not say teacher's lounge, smart lip? Sorry. Can I talk to you? Okay, Scott and I are just going to leave you, Professor, to advise this impressionable young mind. You sure that's a good idea? Come on. Right, Logan. There's a faculty meeting at four, and I don't want you to sit next to Nightcrawler this time. You guys get into too much trouble. There was a misunderstanding! We can't rebuild the library! Hey, Professor Logan?

Yeah, Bob? I'm sorry about before. About what I said in class. Yeah, there's a lot of that going around. I guess... I'm having a hard time dealing with what's expected of me. You know, if I graduate. When you graduate. Sure. Professor X says be about peace, but we're still being trained as soldiers here, right? Because of our abilities?

Because we're sworn to protect a world that fears and hates us, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not exactly a blah, blah, blah idea. I guess what I'm asking is, what if we don't believe in war? I mean, what if it's a war I don't believe in, but we're expected to fight in anyway? What if I'm not good at fighting? Billy? You know my name? You don't have to be me, okay?

We don't even have to agree on those things. But don't think you can get the good life for nothing. You want this world to stay free? Then you gotta sacrifice to keep it that way. That's never going to stop. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Whoa, that's pretty catchy. Did you come up with that? Sure. Can I ask you something else? You're doing it. It's about women? Let's get food.

Seriously? Those are the options? Pick whatever you want, smart lip. It's on me. But it's free. I'm on a lunch plan. Perfect. So you like this person? Copy that. Been there. So what's going to be your move? You want to know my move? Yeah, isn't that the idea? Hand me that glass. Cut me. What the heck was that? Cut me. No. I thought you wanted to see my powers. I heal super quickly. I just wanted to know if you were going to ask her to coffee.

Come on, we got some sweeping to do. No, it's more of an invitation only versus an application process. Oh, hang on. Can you please send that freshman back to Nightcrawler's class? They have a pass. Thanks. No, no, I'm here. I'm here. And can she fly? No, I don't mean commercial. You take the enemy by surprise, then by the sword, and anything in solution. Zep be powerless against the cannibal of the city.

If only it was that easy to read my mind. I'll feed the same, X-Men. Charles! I heard it too. I'm finding Logan! Pardon this haze, but gotta find these scumbags attacking the school. We already got the Doc Ock. Why is he tangled up with the X-Men? Wolverine. Smoke's clad. Ready for me to teach you a lesson. Sabertooth. Bunch of innocent kids. Are you ready for this? I don't need to brag or anything, but I have sinister and saber-tooth on my back!

But it ain't no smash and grab. And where are all the X-Men, damn it? Where are the kids? I can help them, Gene. Where are you? Where's Charles? The tunnels. Of course! I'm coming to the tunnels. Logan, stop. Sorry, Gene. Wild horses couldn't stop me now. Frankly, they never could. Get in the tunnel, kids. Now! There's no tunnel!

I have to lock the hatch behind you. Where's Wolverine? He doesn't like it when you call him that. Mike, that matters right now. Get in! What about you? You're gonna get locked out. I'll be fine, Rachel. What about us? There are no other teachers down there yet. No adults. What are we going to do? You'll have your friends. You'll have me. Now go. Take my hand.

Skin. Herbs. Muscles. Shredding. Legs. Vibrating. exactly how I prefer my enemies, huh? Let's go! Yeah! They're coming down! They're underbrook my associate crossbones. I'm just here to kill people. Been a long time since Bastompovery. Not long enough, you ugly bastard. Let's see how useful you are without boss arms!

As you can see, my comrade, Ulysses Klaas' ultrasonic weapon can shred the organic matter of your body before you can regenerate, giving me a chance to explore how shiny and wonderfully crafted your... The Mantium Skeleton truly is! Do nothing, Wolverine, except dissipate right before my eyes. That's a spirit. Your pure, unadulterated hatred mixed with your pathetic, torn little body, huh? dragging itself like a dissected cat. Meow. Great pedicure on me, skull.

Harden, you hairy hund! Oh, don't mop. Frighting yourself does no good, huh? Fate! It's fate! You won, Bastogne, but you, huh? You lost the most important war, huh? The decisive and far-reaching ones that dictate the world's direction for a thousand years! Listen to the sweet sounds of all your ineffectual friends screaming and dying in the mud on this glorious day. Some... Friend, you are... You've asked your energy trying to rise, my fair friend.

One of today's many goals was the complete extinction of the X-Men. I would say that has been achieved, wouldn't you, Crossbox? I would say so. The lady with the shiny red hair is pretty dead. Why, you bastard? Oh, he just looked bloated, not as pretty. Candidate for cremation all the way. I grab the wheelchair. Bunch of students. Well, I'll be heading down to the tunnels soon with a truckload of TNT, so it's not going to be long. I'm not really a kid person.

You can't win, Red Skull. Not in the long run. You're always gonna miss something. We've left nothing to chance on this blitzkrieg, my larger friend, huh? This final sonic blast is charged to full power, so I suggest you... Sitter those three scraggly claw marks across the top of your ugly head a souvenir, Skull. Courtesy of the X-Men! I'd stay down if I were you, Wolfman! These battle scars are souvenirs, huh? Every time I see or...

Run my fingers down the channel trenches. I will be reminded of this particular victory, huh? Duncan! Yeah. Well, something wicked's gonna come back and... Bite you in the... Arsh! As they say, time will tell, huh? All that remains for you and your fellow Moontaut and Wolverine is... Oblivion. To bless it as I share the rest of your body and prevent it from ever regenerating again. No!

green sweater? It's Rachel. You're a badass. Let's just see if we make it till tomorrow. on the next episode of Marvel's Wastelanders, Wolverine. Christmas Eve felt like a perfectly natural time to reflect upon how far we've come. Since Victor...

I think I got the wind knocked out of me. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got hit by a tractor-trailer doing 90. Now, I believe you got more than the wind knocked out of you. You need medical attention. Now, don't know where you're gonna get it, but you need it. I'm gonna get up. No! No! No, no, no, no! I don't know how you're moving, Father Tom. Wolverine. The Wolverine. That's me. The X-Man. I've read all about you.

I've read all about the X-Men and the Avengers. It must have been an old history book, kid. I'm 16. You're still a kid. You're still an X-Man? Yeah. The only one. Marvel Entertainment and Sirius XM present Marvel's Wastelanders Wolverine. Starring Robert Patrick as Wolverine. Directed by Jenny Turner Hall. Original sound design by Michael Oldmark.

Original music by Rhett Miller and John Burdick. Story by Jenny Turner Hall and Peter Tomasi. Written by Jenny Turner Hall. Featuring performances by Ashley Atkinson as Kitty Pryde. Rachel Kroll as Red Skull. Isabel Ferreira as Sophia. Jennifer Ikeda as Rachel. Justin Mann as Justin. Clark Peters as Professor X. Daniel Sunjada as Cyclops. Carl Tartt.

as Kevin, and Keith David as Shadow King. Additional performances in this episode by Cherise Booth as Jean Grey, Jerry Burns as Crossbones, Luther Creek as Sabretooth, Charlie Pollack as Billy. With additional voices performed by Luther Creek, Dan Fink, Daphne Gaines, Marcella Lentz-Pope, Jesus Martinez. Armando Riesco, Bruce Winant. Produced by Jenny Rattlet-Mast, Brad Barton.

M.R. Daniel and Larissa Rosen. Associate produced by Lydia Smith. Our production manager is Libby Felch. Our script supervisor is Fred Carlos. Casting by Elaine Aldaffer and Lisa Donatio. Editing and sound design by Michael Oldmark. Our assistant editor is Faustine Palipel. Sound effects editing by John Morris. Mixed by Carl Anderson. Our Foley artist is Tommy Stang. Additional sound design and mixing.

by Daniel Burnell. Original music by Rhett Miller and John Burdick. Additional music by Michael Oldmark. Additional engineering provided by Underground Audio, Studio Awesome, Outpost Studios, Philadelphia Post. One Union Recording Studios, VoiceWorks Audio, Tone Zone Recording. Production legal by Chad Russo and Cooper Ward with Ramo Law PC.

Payroll services by Violet Romero and ABS Payroll. Executive produced by Dan Buckley, Joe Quesada, Sarah Amos, Daniel Fink, Stephen Wacker, Ellie Pyle, and Jill Duboff. Special thanks to... The character of Wolverine was created by Lynn Ween, John Romita Sr., Herb Trimpey, and Roy Thomas. My name is Tim Rose. Marvel's Wastelanders Wolverine is a production of Marvel Entertainment and Series XM in association with Wave Runner Studios. For more information, visit marvel.com slash wastelanders.

This podcast was recorded under a SAG-AFTRA collective bargaining agreement. No animals were harmed in the making of this podcast.