17. Addiction

Hi, this is Evie. And this is Chantel. And this is married to PTSD. So here's what happened. I'm totally calling Evie out because we just recorded this exact podcast. About Kendra and her story. And then Evie said something that she didn't want to say. So we tried to edit and we obviously we don't know how. So I'm not sure how long this one's gonna be because we're really faking it.

Uh it that's just what's happening. That's just the way it is. We don't know how to trim people. So the cool thing about um this next email though is Kendra and her husband, I'm assuming his name is AJ. Um, but they're very open to their story and his addiction and the things that he's been through and what they've been through and what their family's been through. And how they're helping other veterans right now.

So we are gonna now jump into it and B he's gonna read this podcast again. Okay and we're gonna do it like let's do it. Okay, we're doing it. All right again. The second time, guys. This is from Kendra. It says hello, my name is Kendra, and I actually stumbled across your podcast yesterday and it was a saving grace. A little back Dory.

She's directing me now. She doesn't trust me. Listen, I don't trust her. Um, a little backstory. My husband and I have been married for twelve years. We began dating off and on when I was only sixteen years old. When I was seventeen years old we got pregnant with our daughter and he soon and soon after he deployed to Iraq for the first time and we broke up.

When he came back stateside we got married. When we first got married I was only nineteen and he was heavily drinking. I figured it was just part of the army life because everyone was doing it. But it caused a lot of heartache and struggles in our marriage from the beginning. Fast forward and

after his second deployment to Iraq, our third child is born, a son, and he was born with a rare birth defect that happens in one in fifty thousand children, which caused his drinking to spiral even worse. Which sucks because this is when you need your husband. Yeah. In 2013, he got discharged honorably from the army after eight years, and we moved back home to family, which I felt was going to be a blessing for a few years.

um, things seemed to be better. But in two thousand seventeen is when his PTSD really seemed to hit. I was pregnant with our fourth baby and he got on methamphetamines and things spiraled down very quickly. At this point, up or up to this point, he had not been to the VA at all since leaving the army, although many people told him he needed to be seen there.

His drug use started making him break the law, and soon enough he had spent multiple times in jail and had racked up thirty-three second-degree felonies. This was almost a breaking point in our marriage. After finally getting in with the VA, he got officially diagnosed with PTSD and they gave him a eighty percent disability rating. I finally thought things were going to get better.

After another time in jail and getting put on an ankle monitor, we decided to go to the VA and try to get him some help for the PTSD and addiction. This turned out to be discouraging. Um after a two and a half hour appointment with a social worker, they told us they did not feel he needed inpatient rehab and outpatient rehab would be Well, not long after this we tried he tried to take his own life and almost succeeded.

They finally realized this was a real problem and put him in the IPU, which is in patient impatient psychiatric unit. And after detox moved him to the Salt Lake City VA's residential treatment program known as SARTP I finally felt like I had my husband back from the

They also raised his disability to unemployable because of how many jobs he had been through in such a short time of being out of the army. He got into veterans treatment court and stayed sober for sixteen months, and all of his charges were dropped. After this time in rehab, they had him on a medication known as Oh I'm gonna butch this medicine name. Ven la faxine. I'm sure I'm saying this very wrong.

Um, I'm gonna say the VMED, which pretty much numbed all of his emotions. Kind of made him like a zombie. But things felt amazing for me. No addiction, minimal anger. But he was not himself. After relapsing in October of twenty twenty, I felt as though I had I was done with this marriage. This was what This was what felt like my breaking point. He started breaking the law again, but quickly caught himself and got himself put back into impatient.

He left on December twenty ninth, twenty twenty and just came home a little over two weeks ago. I figured because of how things were when he came home from rehab last time things would just uh um just be as good this time. Turns out they have He is no longer on the zombie meds, but more himself. I am learning how to adjust to PTSD while struggling with the trust issues of addiction. I feel he is constantly angry and I feel I'm fighting back. I know that he is trying to

But it is hard. I am so glad to have found your podcast and would love to share my story with other women who are struggling. I am currently going to school for s um psychology so I can work with trauma, PTSD, and addiction. Thank you so much for making this podcast. I love it sincerely. the wife walking on eggshells and living in survival mode. K Kendra. Okay, so there is a few things and I know that we in the very beginning we talked about or not on this podcast, but we talked about um

That she didn't put where she was from, but I remember she's did tell me Utah and then obviously she said the Salt Lake City yeah rehab. So, anyways, she lives in Utah. Um, a couple of the things that I had taken notes on. was the rating, how in the beginning they only gave him eighty percent, which was crazy after hearing that story,'cause I would have went straight to a hundred. Um, so that's cool that they got on a hundred in unemployable.

And then my second note was the meds. So the one that makes them feel like a zombie. Um And Josh has had things like that as well. But it's like okay, do you put him first? Or make him a zombie and then you guys are having a decent life but and there's no anger and you guys are getting through but it's not walking on eggshells like you and your kid. I don't know, like it's and I know that you've had I mean I guess if they're kinda functional when he did it the zombie meds.

Yeah. Like days on a time. I thought this isn't even living. Right. Yeah. I want I want I want it all. I want everything. I want you I want what I was promised, okay. When I got married I want what I was promised. That's very fairy tales. We all deserve this. So that's why it like some men and then

When you don't have the zombie meds you get the meds with the side effects of anger. Right. Which is what you're trying to avoid in the first place. Agreed. And the psychiatrists are very aware of this. They're like, Yes, that's a side effect. I'm like, Lady, do sir, do you live in my house? And then um in whenever you know, he asked for help. And then they said that it wasn't enough to need inpatient. And then he leaves there and then

like gets close to committing suicide. Like that's crazy that oh, that's what's gonna that's what it's gonna take to put'em on an impatient hold. It's just so frustrating. Um And that's the thing. No. I would say this to any higher up. I've lived it over a decade, I know you have. I'm like listen to the spouse. I'm not sitting here saying commit him by any means. I'm saying listen to what goes on and

And help. Yeah. And that's what like we got in we had gotten so lucky with our one doctor because he did listen to me.

Um Another cool thing about um this hospital that she's talking o or not a hospital in their area Um, they have a VA court. Have you ever heard of that? Yeah, we have it. Missouri just got it. I know. Isn't that crazy? Uh the best. You know who the judge is? I mean obviously not gonna say his name. No. Um

But anyway, so you you know who it is, but um sorry guys. Oh I do know who it is. So I mean he's a great guy and then so I guess like once every month or whatever they have the A court. So what the di so what that is is where say there are Um, veterans or maybe even act no, probably not active, but that would be like a military thing. Yeah, that's that's very different. So like veterans who do commit crimes and stuff, there's a separate court for them.

And that's because it is recognized in some situations that They have different needs and mental health. So thank God for that though. Um do you ever watch or did you ever watch um Sixty Days In? Uh I think I did actually. I can't remember. Josh and I stop. So Josh and I got obsessed with it for a while. And there was this veteran who, you know, was the pretend prisoner and he had gone in and he got really close to this one prisoner.

um, who was there, he was a veteran as well. Um, but he was there because he got hooked on drugs because he wouldn't go to the VA or the VA had a waiting list and it was gonna take him forever to get in, so he started self medicating and then started making bad choices. But it's just like these are the reasons that but thank God I mean there are there are branches that do recognize it and that help it. Whenever we were, um, in Fort Drum and we would have Josh's friends over

a lot of them were underage and they would all start drinking and then some of them would go crazy and then the military police had to come. And so trying to explain to them be like, Listen, I know that you get it, like you've been deployed too, but these guys got deployed, they just got back, they're kids Oh yeah. Like it's hard. Yeah, it's hard to process everything. Um and then uh just with the addiction part, I n like I said

in the first podcast that we deleted. Um It's not really Chantel and I'm not. wheelhouse. It's I I like to give advice on what I live and I don't. So if you are relating to Kendra's story, please email in. Um because we definitely I know that there's many spouses out there and this is your story. This is your struggle.

Um and I think that uh just by h listening to the stories you h we're helping each other. So um Um and I know that we did connect two wives before and Kendra said that, you know, her and her husband are very open.

in wanting to be able to share their story and help others and talk to others. Um and I know that we did say in the beginning or the first podcast that she is like on Sundays, I don't know if it's every Sunday or whatever, but um her husband met some veterans in rehab and they go over there for dinner.

So that way they can connect and stay connected and kinda keep each other grounded. Um, so that's the way that Kendra and her husband are helping. So that's awesome. Like you teach what you know. We and I was saying earlier that Um when Josh got back from the army or out when he got out of the army. He drank a lot, but when we were in it, we didn't know it was an addiction. Like now we look back and we know that he was addicted and he drank. He drank a lot.

and it almost ruined us until it was almost too late and I bave basically gave them an ultimatum. That doesn't work for everybody. Right. Um, we got really lucky. I mean ours is a huge factor with our doctor. So we got lucky with that aspect of it and being able for him to listen to the spouse. So And then Randy has a his service dog, Ridge, which has um been our saving grace, but the guy that runs K9 on the Frontline from Missouri, um they do have a Facebook page. Uh they

He he Jason, which I promise you I will get this interview. Um I know several a couple of you have asked for it. I just gotta make our schedules work and so I promise it's coming soon. And his name is Jason and he's very, very open um to wait for um sorry, we've got kids and we're trying to hide and do this. Um he's very open with his story. He struggled with addiction big time. He also um will tell you. He's very open with his story.

uh, he self medicated and so he lost his kids, he lost his wife. Um, he had a a ticket back to Maine where he was from and that's where he found Sobe his service dog, which changed his life. So I know service dogs are out there. um for veterans with PTSD but also some of the PTSD veterans with addiction and and Jason's one of them and his service doc has helped him tremendously in that area.

But there are so many outlets out there and then and so many um businesses that really do wanna help veterans, no matter what percentage rating you are, if you're at like seventy, eighty, a hundred, um There are so many they they wanna help, they just don't know how. So like my husband is into hunting and fishing. So there is so many programs that have offered him like, Hey, you wanna come on this hunt? We wanna take a veteran on this hunt or we wanna take a veteran on this fishing trip.

And doesn't he, um, like lead some of them as well? No? Yes,'cause he's with the organization, um Army buck hunters, but he's a marine buck hunter. And does he get paid for that or is it like a s volunteer situation or is that? Um I uh

I don't know. Fair enough. Um, and then all right, so one of the things too, I know I get a lot of questions. All right, so my husband's very open. There are some husbands that aren't open at all, or the wife is scared to talk to the husband about certain questions. So I thought it'd be really cool if If we do a weird experiment, okay. Stick with me on this one. Evie loves when I throw things on her. What? I know, just listen.

So what if okay, so if you have questions that you want answered or tried to be answered, send us an email and we're gonna call them questions for Josh. 詞 詞 詞 詞 詞 詞 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 曲 We're going to think mine's gonna like so you guys send us questions.

And we're gonna ask them and get their real responses. We don't we don't have to put them on the podcast. Oh yeah, they won't. Yeah, no, no. I mean Josh w I think Josh might. Anyways, so we will just go to them, get their answers, and come back with them. I think that'd be Okay, if you wanna do that. Let's try it. Just have this random whim. We did not discuss this. We did not.

But we also didn't res discuss you rooting the first podcast as well. I can't even remember what I've said and what I haven't said. And now we don't even get to do two today. I know. I'm sorry. I know we'll never trim again. No we will'cause we know how now. That's true. Um So yeah, with the addiction with whether it's addiction, anger, isolation, there's so many different forms of PTSD out there and we all have a different story. I mean none not one spouse have I ever

um had my story be identical to. Right. But man do I relate to them. Yeah. And we're like open I feel like we're Not a target, but when my husband walks around with his service dog. Right. Like ex for instance, camping, like we have um the R V there was another veteran and his wife was like, Oh my gosh, you know, how did he get that service dog? And then I started hearing her story and my gosh, it seemed so similar. And this was very when we were very new with the service dog.

Um, so I was like, Oh wow and that's when I was like, Oh my gosh, there's Yeah. We need to tell stor like we need to hear each other's stories. Yeah. And I know I've said this before, but like I've seen Randy in Walmart with the dog and people are just walking up to them and talking to them. Which is crazy because of I I didn't know Randy before.

the dog or anything and'cause I I mean I just met him in October. Um but I mean but I've known you for seven seven years so um so I didn't know him but from what you have said it's a hundred percent different. So from him like if he didn't have a dog to Yeah, and now that like I I keep saying, like I said, we're open about it, so a lot of

spouses or even just the veterans can say, Hey, I'm really struggling right now like just some of his friends. Um, so that's been helpful. I mean nobody knows anything if you pretend like your world is perfect. And you hide it all. And I'm just saying that because that's what I used to do. And I was miserable in my pretend world. So we also um we just kinda wanted to end this on So June is PTSD Awareness Month. Um, not all wounds are visible. So just making PTSD just

Because we say like you can't see it. When we're walking around when they're walking around with it, you can't see it. Yeah. And the color is teal. Yeah. So um if you have questions for Kendra, message us and we'll give you guys her contact information. Or if you have questions questions for Josh and Randy. Or if you wanna share your story. Or if you wanna share your story. Um and don't forget I am a therapist.

She's not. She's not. She does this at the end of everything. I freak out. We're not. Are you gonna trim it? Are you gonna trim it? So we are just telling our personal stories here. All right. So that is married to PTSD at yahoo.com. Yep. All right, guys. We'll see you next time. We will see you. We won't see that.