Situationships & Body Counts

the next week . We'll be back with more on that . Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated ? Why aren't people getting married anymore ? A new Pew Research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition .

Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages and in divorce .

If you get married , you have to be stuck in a relationship . Marriage is a thing . That's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't , if you want to have just one partner when you can ?

have multiple marriage is stupid . Welcome to the married podcast , to self proclaimed greatest of marriage in relationship podcast in the world . We are back for another episodes .

We are your host , matthew , and Monica Powers you have to see if one of the şeyiet from ship before's , even considering this to be really bad , you should see this hey register Rumble .

They need to do the things that you always say . That would be awesome , Don't ?

think we could afford them , but that would be pretty incredible because I imagine they would cost a fortune .

You know my part . I'm talking about the right part , You're talking about sorry , I'm having microphone issues .

It just fell Okay . Maybe I'm good now Not to care . I think the married AF podcast .

Maybe we can find a brother who doesn't have a good voice and he would probably come do it just to be a buffer . But I don't think we could afford them at all .

That'd be awesome , though , that'd be cool . Yeah , hey , ai , give me that voice you know what AI could probably do that for us .

But they probably have their voices licensed in some way and if that got out , watch out , they would sue us for 18 cents or something like that . That's about where we could give them . Yes , but welcome everyone to the show . Thank you , everyone who is continuing to listen and watch and like and subscribe and listen If you like this show .

Yeah .

Because this was a message that we gave to the students at church a couple of weeks ago or a week ago .

Wednesday .

A week and a half ago , something like that . But anyways , I think it's very relatable to not just students but to everyone , because I think a lot of people fall into this category .

I also got to speak to the FCA on Friday , just a few days ago , and went with the same exact message because it felt like it needed to be shared .

Well , since it was just Love Week this past week and it was Valentine's Day where everyone's worried about Valentine's Day and our feelings on Valentine's Day is that it's the stupidest dumb waste , just an absolute waste to Valentine's .

Day . It's national singles awareness day . It is .

So I just like to poo poo all over Valentine's Day because it just it makes no sense why I picked one day . So the companies can make a lot of money , I guess , right .

Sure .

Maybe I don't know , but it's very fitting , because a lot of people do take a lot into Valentine's Day and think it's a huge deal . But that's not what it's all about .

No , I told you when I was dropping off our son at middle school the amount of kids mostly dudes getting out of their cars carrying buckets full of things , balloons , flowers to their Valentine . This is middle school .

Yeah , and it's just gonna get worse . Why and worse ?

You got a top last year's crap . Why would you do that now ?

Well , that's like the whole , like promposal things now , but they just go crazy and crazier and bigger and bigger and bigger .

Gender reveals are the same way .

So , oh , gender reveals . So what's this gonna cause ? Down the line is middle school .

Yes .

Big time . But before we get in , Not reversing . Well , reversing this idea of what the expectation is and what people think that the relationship is truly supposed to be , like it's supposed to be this huge display ? Well , that's not it at all . But before we get into that , we can't get into anything without this sucker right here , the Gen Z Bible .

I read this at FCA and I loved it . They understood everything I was telling them , even if they didn't know the story .

They understood it .

They understood what I was reading to them .

But you know , here's the big thing about it is that it starts a conversation . This is not meant to be like , hey , this is how you're gonna get your Jesus . This is not what this is about at all . But they pick it up , they read it and it just piques their interest . They start thinking about it and they wanna know more .

people's lives .

So you know , since we're talking this message that we gave to the students you spoke at FCA , it's about love , it's about relationships . Why not go with 1 Corinthians 13 , the love chapter , and everyone ? This is always read at every single wedding . You know , love is patient and kind and all of that stuff . But this is the Gen Z version of it all .

If it didn't have the word bro in there , it would not be Gen Z , the bro and the man , or fam .

Yes , that's , that's , it's just , it's so funny because it just it speaks the language . So every single episode we have to read something out of the Gen Z Bible , because it is so , it's so good . It is it's it's . It makes you laugh .

But you also . I mean , I took this to school and shared it with my fellow teachers . Right , we could not put the book down Like we would pass it around and start reading different things , and we were so into it . It was like listening to girls gossip . The way it reads , it's fantastic .

It really is and it just it gets a conversation going and people can't put it down and they just they want to keep going . So it's so funny . So love the idea of modern love , what 2024 love looks like , and it's just , it's gotten crazy .

But with Gen Z , the statistics we have make the opening for this podcast thing that you have . That makes me so irritated . Like , marriage is stupid , that one . It's refreshing to see these statistics because people are saying , oh , why getting married when you can have multiple ? But of course people that are married still have multiples .

I agree this is hopeful for the next generation because marriage stats are more . Half of marriages end in divorce . They just do . People don't wanna get married because they just now see it as outdated and it's archaic . There's no need to do that anymore and the younger generation happens to feel a little differently .

That's mind blowing .

It is when we're so focused on looks and social media and filters of how things look and how people are supposed to look , people take the selfies . They'll take 80 selfies and they'll spend three hours editing it just to get that perfect little post . But that's not really what the next generation , at least , is looking for .

And it's not reality either .

No .

But think about it when we were coming up and we were starting today , we didn't have the social media to push that . We had all the magazines and MTV , vh1 telling us what we should look like and at the time it was .

Something like that .

And everybody was all about Marilyn . So that was bogus . But I always thought I was fat Because I didn't see myself as a size six . I always thought that I was fatter . In reality I wasn't necessarily .

She was actually a size 16 , marilyn Monroe , wow . So that would not be cool . At least in our standard , that's plus size now , yeah .

That's gross . No , it's not . Baby got back , so what ?

That is true , that is true , but again it's just . That's not the end , all be all for especially the next generation .

Well for us when our first date , matthew , think about our first date . I was not about to eat in front of you .

You ordered french fries and ate like two .

Maybe if you didn't look at me , I was not gonna let you see me eat , cause that was gross . Girls don't eat , girls don't fart , girls don't burp .

Yeah , right I .

Was living in a Horrible lie , thinking that you could keep that from anyone , because in reality everybody farts , everybody burps , everybody takes a crap . I don't care what anybody says , I don't poop girls . Oh , yes , we do .

Yes , you would , we do . You'd probably not survive if you did . No , and you have to eat .

I mean gee whiz , people are just stupid .

Yes , but the good news is that it looks as if the next generation does not see that Happening . But the cycle of Relationships for the next generation , but also for adults we're seeing it now too it ain't pretty , so kind of walk through what , what , that stage and what those steps are beginning to look like . It's Scary , it's awful .

Okay , so there's several stages one , two , three , four , five , six stages of dating now .

The first one is you have a crush which is , yes , I think that's been how it has been for generations . You're feeling somebody . Yeah , you have that crush on somebody you're feeling their vibes ?

Yo , that's right . All right , the second one is connecting and connecting used to be .

You speak to each other , right , you actually talk to each other , you . You have to be face-to-face and have a conversation . You may , at the point in time , as you know , you get a . You know Older in the years , or you know the web , when I had telephones and this and that .

You can actually , we still have .

Way back when people didn't have phones . Well , we're growing up . You call each other on the house phone . You didn't have cell phones . That was still attached to a cord exactly got to take that cord that's like 50 feet long , weave it around the house and go hide behind the door .

I don't , I guess maybe I Lost a bet that I owed somebody , one of my friends , and you were too shy to talk to me . Yes , and the only words that were ever coming out of your mouth were hey , and I would just go .

It worked .

I knew I was gonna win and I swear . I Wrote my number and you called me that night .

Yep , and then bam the rest of history , and that was our .

Connecting , connecting , I hope . You a note and slipped it in your hand when you walked by .

You're crushing on somebody , you're connecting with them , and then what happens ?

Okay , this , the third stage , is taking a leap .

So that's that , that moment of like .

Alright , I'm putting myself out there and that's a scary moment , we know we're crushing on each other , we're connecting and now that you take the leap , that's when you finally ask your crush to be your boo .

That's right , it's all out there then and she and they finally say yes , yeah , and now you're , you're together , you're your boyfriend and girlfriend , you're seeing each other you're dating You're I don't know what they call it anymore , but you're , that's , you're together .

Mm-hmm , they're not courting .

Yes , I courted each other .

All right . So the fourth stage is settling into the relationship .

Okay .

Where you're holding hands , maybe you're walking , wherever you're walking to , you have your arms around each other . It's not a secret anymore . Everybody around you knows that you have a significant other .

Yes , and when you're , I guess when you're taking it public .

You know , changing that status on whatever social media platform you use . And you're not single , you're in a relationship .

And you're actually , and as you , I guess , as you become adults , you're going out with each other , you're going on dates , you're taking them to family functions , you're letting them .

Meet your family . You change your profile picture to both of you .

Yes , instead of just you . Serious , exactly , exactly .

All right , and the fifth stage . This is sad .

People start getting bored Outside of that , I guess what we call a honeymoon phase . It's no longer exciting because I think the crushing and the , the , the connecting and the taking the leap , that's all exciting because you don't know what's going to happen and there's some risk there and the adrenaline may be flowing just a little bit .

Yeah Well , when you do the same things over and over and there may be some distance grow between you , or maybe you need that distance . Maybe you can go without talking to each other for a day or two when you come back to it . Hey , I mean , that's the beginning of a relationship . It shouldn't be completely jumped in and you're all in , because what now ?

And what we've learned is breaking up isn't necessarily what it used to be . Breaking up used to be , like you're that we need to talk and oh no , whenever I wanted to hear it , we need to talk . That means something no good is coming , but we need to talk , and breaking up used to be like a long drawn out conversation .

You wanted to write down all of the relationship , like where it started to go wrong , why it went wrong , and then I just think we need to be friends .

You , you , yeah , you talk through everything and you get angry and you get upset and you cry and the other person cries and it's this big dramatic type thing and it lasts forever . That doesn't happen anymore .

No , it's so sad and it's so

Which is horrible .

What do you mean ? We're done . What happened ? Where to go wrong ? But this is the crazy part this six stages of the relationship is three months long .

And that's crazy .

Three months , when you start getting bored . Like marriage-wise , we've already always heard that there's a seven-year itch .

And seven year has gone down to Does that start seven weeks now . Three months possibly , so the average relationship now is three months long . Three months . That's no time .

That's 12 weeks .

No wonder people are , you know , having 50 relationships before they settle down , because it's just bam , bam , bam , bam bam . So what they're doing is they are lining up that next relationship

Because they automatically know they're going to get bored .

Because that's been been the cycle of what they've been taught and they have this they don't want to miss out on , oh well , well , what about this girl ? What about this guy ? Or what about him ? Or he showed me attention , or this or that , and they're no longer relationships , they're called situationships now .

I was confused when I heard that . What do you mean ? Situation , ships , just a situation . We're in . No , when a toilet is overflowing , that's a situation .

That's a . It's a major situation too . But no , they're just , they're called situationships now . That way they can just move on to the next , to the next , to the next , to the next , to the next .

Everybody wants the easy way out , I guess .

I guess so , and that is too hard .

But I've also found out that nobody these situationships are a thing , because nobody wants to hurt anybody's feelings .

Which , honestly , that is not love at all .

No .

We need . Our feelings hurt sometimes .

Somebody needs to tell you the truth .

Every now and then . We need our feelings hurt , because we need to know what's really going on , how we really are , how we're really treating people , what we're really like , so we can make the adjustments that we need to make , because we're not we're not all very good .

You know , I tell the students at school when people start they I love that they tell me their situationships so I can understand this next generation , because our son is part of that . Okay , but when I get told , I just listen . I don't ever give them any kind of advice . I always just say , well , my husband and I have been together since 1999 .

No , they don't understand love at all . And you know that silly verse we read out of the Gen Z Bible . But it is so true . Yeah , and that is what love truly is . You know 1 Corinthians , chapter 13 , that is what true love is and that's how we are supposed to love other people .

It just works out .

It works out .

So instead of working on that next situation ship , maybe people need to start working on how they love themselves . Yes , love themselves and love other people , because you can't love somebody else until you love yourself .

And not to love other people to get something out of it , because that's not what love is . Love is loving somebody with no expectation to get anything in return , that , even if this person provides nothing for me , I'm going to love them , I'm going to serve them , I'm going to do anything I can for them , even if I never , ever , receive anything in return .

Oh God , no , you can't live with them and you can't live without them .

But we got to love , other people Got to , and it's got to be real . It can't be fake . You can't just keep faking it until you make it .

No .

That's not how love works and it you can , you can . It can be seen through so quickly that expectation versus reality , because , like TV and social media and stuff , has ruined this idea of what love is and that's not it at all .

No .

The way Jesus loved is true , unconditional love .

Nobody talks about true love anymore .

No .

I know the statistics are for high school sweethearts like us . It's 2% . It's hardly anybody , so don't expect to find someone in high school that you're going to be with for the rest of your life , because it's literally 2% .

It's highly unlikely to happen . But if you love the way Jesus loves and you understand love one , it can happen . But you always love people . That way , lord will put that person right where they need to be , at the right time for you to be able to have that relationship and not not a situation ship .

Yes , I feel like situations ships are pretend .

They're fake .

They are fake .

They're their surface level . They're not real . There's no depth to them at all .

Zero , because if they're literally three months and it's continuing over and over and over over , are we really just having sex with people ? Within a few days , I'd , I'd say and you're tired of it in three months , I'll be honest , I'd say a few days maybe a little generous . They already know .

They are . They're trying to get a quick fix of pleasure and man people are so open to just so quickly like , yeah , I'll have sex .

Yeah .

Like right now , let's go right now , that's fine , and they don't think about . I mean because when you do have sex with somebody , you , as much as you'd like to think you can separate the , the feeling side of it , you , you simply cannot .

It does not go away .

Cannot go away , will not go away . It is there forever . And I know you think you can . Just it's okay , it's no big deal , I'm not , it's just a one night stand , it's just this , it's just that .

The amount of times I have heard the ninth graders , I couldn't imagine being in ninth grade and having a body count that's high as the social security number . And I'm not talking about the very first social security , I'm talking about millennial numbers , social security numbers . That's crazy . You know , let's start with the four .

Yeah , it totally is .

Absolutely disgusting . When I was in ninth grade , I was all about the Backstreet Boys . Okay , I would plaster their posters all over my bedroom .

So a body count of that at ninth grade is . It's mind blowing like how in the world ?

I wasn't even thinking about sex .

No , no , well , you were as a teenager , but not like that , no it was mostly pretend . Yeah , not like that I mean it was like , oh my gosh , this is gonna be something that happens one day . One day , Not of ninth grade Ninth grade how many people can I have sex with now ? How can I have the highest number in school ?

Yes .

But now it's like who can have slept with the most people , who can have had the most sex with everyone else . It seems to completely flip the script .

Now I remember things like that in our 20s . Yeah , well , yeah , I had friends that were I'm gonna get 30 guys before she does .

Which is .

Like that's short , why is that even a goal ?

That's a now , and what's happened is that's just trickled down to younger , younger , younger , younger and younger , and that camera's dead too , so we're just gonna . We'll just finish with the main one . We'll come back .

Okay .

Five , four , three , two , one . So that's just . It's crazy , to me it's crazy , but I think people will eventually wake up and realize like , oh man , maybe I shouldn't have done all that , maybe I shouldn't have been this person , maybe I shouldn't have treated myself and other people that way .

You have to be able to forgive yourself .

Yes , 100% . You have to One . You have to forgive other people .

Then that's the hardest thing to do .

It's so hard to forgive other people , but you have to be able to forgive yourself , which , I think , in turn , can sometimes be even more difficult to actually forgive yourself .

Absolutely .

For the mistakes that you made , maybe how you treated yourself or your parents or your friends or your people , or the people that you dated and the people that you cheated on or did this to or that to , to be able to forgive yourself for all those past mistakes .

That's what . That's the word . There's a key word that you just said there and that's past . You cannot go forward if you're looking in the rear view mirror .

Yes .

You're not going to go anywhere .

Well , you can . So once you feel it you can . But it's gonna end badly .

It's gonna be a mess , it's gonna be a wreck , because if you're in drive and you're going forward and your vehicle is not equipped with the stopping you from hitting the person in front of you or something in front of you , I feel like that's Jesus . Jesus , take the wheel .

Let's you know about it .

I'm like calm down , midnight Doesn't name on my car .

But , yeah , midnight is trying to warn you , but that's the same thing If you're constantly looking in the past , you'll never actually be able to move forward in the which way you're supposed to , and that's Jesus . And do it safely .

Yeah , that's Jesus flashing those lights and making your seat vibrate .

He going hey hey , wake up , hey look , look over here .

You've got to forgive yourself because you need to go forward .

And essentially he's saying hey , look over here , I'm right in front of you , just follow me , don't worry about all the distractions , don't worry about what's going on behind you , what happened , Don't worry about all the stuff along the side of the road , just follow me , I'll get you through to it .

Those little feels that you have on your heart when it gets heavy and you know I shouldn't have done that and you start thinking about things like that . That's Jesus saying wake up . You cannot go forward when you're looking backwards .

It's so good , it's so good . I think that's what we need to do . Can't go forward , moving backwards , you can't . Or looking backwards , just can't do it . And that's how , essentially , to overcome the hurts that you've had in relationships , the situationships , the this and the that , it's to move past it , to look forward , to learn from what happened .

You don't have to forget that it happened . You just have to move forward , move forward .

You forgive . Forgiveness isn't condoning the offense , it's not making it okay , saying that it's okay . It's and the forgiveness is , especially when

That can't happen .

And saying I forgive you and hey , we're gonna move on , we're gonna move forward . We're gonna move forward together . We're gonna do this together .

Yep Praise our pastor . Let's get out of here . I love you .

God so much , we're just so thankful for what you've done , what you're doing , that this platform is yours , anything we say is yours , and just pray that it reaches people .

Amen , hallelujah .