¶ Marriage and Biblical Revelations
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?
why aren't people getting married ?
anymore . A new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .
Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right that's ?
why you get married , so that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you ?
don't if you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple .
Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast in the world . We are your host , matthew and monica powers . I hope you're ready , baby , for what ? For today , I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there .
Uh , because just looking at what I've got planned , if you are listening to this with small children or kids or anyone , you may be embarrassed by to hear things that could be sexual in nature , plug your ear holes . Maybe listen to this in the car by yourself .
Throw some headphones on , um everybody that listens at work and on their computers those people who are listening to work on computers , maybe turn the volume down just a little bit , or or plug it up or up . Hey , listen , you want to make for an interesting workplace environment ? Let's , let's go for it , let's go ahead and do that .
But just saying just kind of , some of the topics that we talk about whenever it comes to marriage because sex is a huge part of the marriage we talk about it . We leave no stone unturned .
So listen , if you can get easily embarrassed , maybe listen to this alone , or especially listen to this with your husband or wife , so you can't say you have not been warned .
Earmuffs .
I just want to make sure people are aware . I just want to make sure people don't get thrown off by saying , whoa , didn't expect that to be talked about , didn't expect that word to come out of their mouths today , so we're not going to say anything terrible , okay , nothing . We probably haven't spoke about before , but things are , you know .
It's always good to give people a fair warning . So let's go to the very last few verses of scripture and the entire Gen Z Bible , revelation 22 . Here we go , verse 12 . Oh and FYI , I'm coming back quick and I got rewards with me . Everyone will get what they deserve based on their work .
My dude , I am the alpha and omega and the beginning and the end , the OG , the last word on everything . Blessed are those who follow his commandments , because they'll get access to the tree of life and enter the city through its lit gates . But yo , outside the city there are a bunch of messed up people .
We're talking about dogs , sorcerers , playboys , murderers , idol worshipers and anyone who loves to lie . It's me , jesus , and I sent my angel to spread the word in the churches . You know , I'm from the line of David , the true OG , and I'm like the bright , shining star of the morning . The Holy Spirit and the bride are like yo .
Come on , let everyone who hears this say the same Whoever's thirsty , come and take the water of life for free . I got to keep it real . Whoever tries to add this , add stuff to this book's prophecies , god will straight up bring down the plagues written in this book on them .
And if anyone dares to mess with the words on this prophecy book , god's going to erase their name from the book of life and kick them out of the holy city . And , yeah , all that stuff written in this book gone for them .
¶ Navigating Marriage and Emotional Boundaries
The one who's testifying to all this ? He's like for real . Who's testifying to all this ? He's like for real . I'm coming back real soon . No joke , no joke , amen , bro . Yeah , jesus , come through yo . May the grace of the lord jesus christ be with y'all , all y'all , amen , fam . That was really really funny and really really good .
I like that one that's hilarious I like that one a lot , a lot , of , a lot of dogs outside those gates , sorcerers , murderers , playboys .
Playboys , all right .
Speaking of playboys , let's just jump right on into it . I have a few things for you today . First one is newly married couple . They've been married for eight months now . They got married quick into their relationship . She regrets nothing . The marriage is great . They got married quick into their relationship . She regrets nothing . The marriage is great .
They're 30 and 28 . She's 28 . We are best friends . Before meeting my husband , I had a friend with benefits that lasted three years . It was exciting . Sex was fire , literally . Chemistry was amazing . We were really close too . My friend with benefits and my husband even met a few times when we were first dating . We'd run into each other while out .
Friend with benefits is very happy with me and we want what's best for each other . My husband knows about our past so obviously I had to cut ties with my friend with benefits and set boundaries . However , I can't get him out of my head and often get flashbacks and get really sad thinking about it .
Although I'm having those feelings , I know I don't want what we had . It was very toxic . We were not in any way compatible . My husband is in love with me and these thoughts make me feel guilty . I even had a dream last night that I cheated with my friend with benefits and I can't stop feeling this way . What do I do ?
She cannot stop thinking about that old friend with benefits . What do you do ?
This is 100% proof . You cannot separate sex and emotions . You are 100% , because if he were just a friend with benefits , you'd just be able to go on and move on .
Bang it out and move on right . Just wham , bam , boom .
See you next week . See you next week .
That was fun . You're completely right . No matter how strong we think we are , sex and emotion cannot be separated from each other . It just can't .
They're meant to be together .
God created sex and it's incredible and it's amazing , but he created it for husband and wife . It's the way he designed it .
So the reason why we have all of these problems and all of these things that go on , and all these situationships and all these emotions and all this frustration , the reason it's all so jacked up is because no one is doing it the way God designed it . They said you know what , god ? This is amazing and it's awesome .
Yeah , I want to do it , but you know what ? I think I want to do it this way too , and I think I'm going to do it this way . You had it wrong from the beginning . I'm going to do it this way , and it causes nothing but problems .
Obviously .
Clearly she cannot stop thinking about it . She's only been married eight months .
Listen , when you're newlyweds , the sex at a newlywed marriage is typically you can't keep your hands off of each other .
That is true . That is true . We're going to get to something about that later too . I'm glad you brought that up . But you're right , Usually early on you got the honeymoon phase . You cannot keep your hands off of each other . I mean , you are like rabbits . Yeah , it's everything you can do to not be all over each other .
They're eight months in , even if they were cohabitating before the marriage .
They're still newly . They got married really really quick , so they're still honeymoon , newlywed phase .
They're still figuring it out .
Yes , but she cannot stop thinking about her old dude she used to bang . So how do you , how do you get rid of this ? What do you do ?
You bang your husband more and close your eyes . I don't know .
Close your eyes , think of the other guy . I don't know if that's the answer .
I did not say think about the other guy did not say that .
Just bang your husband more . Do you think the husband has any idea ? No , should she tell him ?
she told him about the other guy already that's true and she's distanced herself from him . How distant is that ?
uh , you know , I don't know , hopefully more probably pretty good distance . However , you text him oh boy , I hope not email it doesn't say she does you file like ?
I know there's no doubt they're still friends on social media well , that's not real friendship .
Let's , let's get real . But still , she's stalking him exactly . She's definitely checking them out .
She's seeing she could care less about being friends .
Now we don't know this , hypothetically here . Do you think the reason she's having these feelings because she got married , she got her man , they're in love , they're married . But she saw that her old friend with benefits is now with this new girl .
She's got a new friend with benefits and she's thinking . A little jealousy .
She's jealous . She A new friend with benefits and she's thinking A little jealousy . She's jealous . She's jealous of this new girl , that friend with benefits , who is not her husband , who she used to have sex with .
That's having sex with someone else and now she's jealous , she might have and she's feeling this way . When she ran into him on the , whenever they were out .
That's what made me he was with her new friend . And this is causing some emotions . You brought up from the very beginning you cannot separate sex and emotion yep , I know there's someone out there who hears this and they're thinking , yeah , they're so dumb . Of course you can separate sex and emotions . I've had sex with a hundred different people .
I'm not lies , all lies . You cannot separate the two , can't do it there's a reason why girls get upset . After you have sex with them the first time , you don't call them back there's a reason why men honestly feel the exact same way , even though they don't want to admit it they avoid the crap out of them when they see them on the street .
Yes , oh god , there she is , I gotta go , I gotta go , I gotta go yeah , because they don't know how to handle it , because they there's that emotional attachment that they didn't think that they were gonna have and have what they needed .
You can't be friends with benefits . It never , ever , ever , ever works . Go watch the movie , watch what happens . Justin timberlake , amelia coolis they fall in love of course they do . All right . Here's the next one . Is taking a break acceptable ? I seem to be falling out of love with my husband .
After some therapy sessions and suggested marriage counseling , I've been thinking about going to a friend's house for a few days , a few weeks , and just step away for a minute . We don't really fight , but I just feel like we're roommates at this point , we have nothing in common and I feeling so unhappy .
I love him and I know he loves me , but I just doesn't feel like enough . I've been researching and reading about people taking breaks and see that it works for a lot of people . I know people who have been married and took a three month break and they are back together and stronger than ever .
I just don't know how to fix my feelings or if they're even fixable . I don't want to hurt them , but I am miserable . She wants to take a break . All I think of .
We were on a break .
All right , listen , here's the simple answer . You want to know if a break is acceptable . Go watch Friends and watch how that worked out .
Or Give him a hall pass .
Complete movie and TV . We're going to go straight entertainment here , because we know entertainment always has all the answers . Give him the hall pass .
Give him a hall pass . I bet you will find it real quick after he hooks up with somebody . Wait a minute , I don't want that break .
No , I don't think a break is the answer at all . Separating yourself from each other is not going to help bring you closer together . You know , I know there's that saying if you love someone , let them go . If they come back to you , no , no , no , it's a bad idea . If you love someone , fight for them .
Why do they feel like roommates ? Do they have kids ? And the kids have moved out now and they have no idea who they're married to , because they put the kids in front of the spouse .
No , they're 33 and 36 . Oh my so ? No , definitely don't have kids who are out of the house .
Well , I mean , they could , they could , but hopefully , not my goodness .
No , you can't take a break . It's not . It doesn't work , it just doesn't . You gotta fight for it . You gotta fight for your marriage .
That's like the devil's playground .
Oh , totally those thoughts and the temptation that will .
Because you're going to act on those feelings and temptation .
Because you're , because we're separated , it doesn't matter . Exactly , Ross Geller slept with the girl from the coffee place because he thought that they were on a complete break . So the girl at the coffee place he slept with .
He had to kick her out of the apartment while Rachel showed up to the door and she was behind the door and he was able to kick her out . And then Gunther ruined it all and told Rachel all about it . Sorry for those who have not seen Friends .
I mean , if you haven't seen Friends by now .
Listen , this is your fault if you don't know . All right , it was one of the best shows of our generation . We still watch it at night when it's time to go to bed . That , or the Office , exactly .
And Elkie just watch .
So is a break acceptable in this situation ? No , it's not acceptable . You need to talk to each other .
You need to fight for each other . Obviously , there's no communication . No I guarantee you he doesn't know .
Well , no , she's been to therapy , but the therapist suggested marriage counseling .
So you're probably right , he may not even have a clue .
Why not tell him how miserable you are ? Why don't you two take a break from your daily regular things ? Go on a weekend , get away together put your phone down put your phone away . Go to some beach where you don't wear a whole lot of clothes and just be together . Put your phone down . Put your phone away , no one else matters just you two .
Fine , do that , I guarantee that'll bring you a little bit closer together , all right . Next , next little thought for you here , baby how important is your spouse's hygiene . What are some must do's your spouse do as far as should do , as far as taking care of themselves for me , for you . Yes .
Manscape manscape . You have to manscape .
Yes , agree . Now listen with hygiene . I think it's super important to take care of yourself , take care of your body . It all always , of course , starts , you know , eating somewhat healthy . We're not .
We're not the picture that hygiene I do a little bit because it falls in other things eating and exercise some bad things A little bit , but hygiene , you know the simple things Take a shower . Take a shower .
Brush your teeth .
Brush your teeth Floss every now and again .
Look men shave that underbelly .
Shave underneath here a little bit , don't you know ? If you do have a beard , take care of it . Trim it up a little bit . Use beard balms and oils . Use washes , use conditioner Comb and brush that sucker out every now and again . Wash your face , shave All of the things . Hygiene , I think , is extremely important .
Yes .
Because attraction is extremely important . Listen , if you've got crusty toenails , I'm not going to be playing footsie with you in the bed . I take a complete page out of Covino and Rich Now . Covino and Rich Now . Covino and Rich were a radio show , sirius XM , I've listened to since their beginning . I know , they now do podcasts and all that stuff .
But they had this theory . They said it goes , wait , I actually met them . You did meet them . I went to their show . Yes , they have this theory and I am 100% on board with this theory . Now they say it also applies to men , but I said women especially .
They say how a woman takes care of her toenails and nails shows you how they take care of their bodies , how they take care of themselves . That if their nails are taken care of not saying that they have to be painted and perfect all the time same thing with their toenails .
If they're always just jacked up and crusty , they probably don't take care of other areas of their bodies .
I disagree with that .
Why is that ?
Because I'm glad we had a warning before .
¶ Personal Hygiene in Relationships
Because if you want , if you're a woman and you want to wear open toe shoes , you're going to paint your toenails , whether they're crusty or not . You got to Put a little lotion on them so they don't look as dry . You don't wear open clothes for everybody to see your hoo-ha .
Hopefully not .
Unless you're in an industry where you do that , but then you're really going to take care of it . But if I wanted just to wear open-toe shoes , I'm going to put some little polish on there , make them look cute . Yes , because not everybody's situation is always situated .
No , but I could agree with that a little bit .
¶ [Ad] The Brief
Maybe when girls are younger , maybe early 20s . You know , if they're all dolled up all the time Uh-huh , because their nails and their feet are done , they're literally trying to get an MRS degree or they're just trying to get that next hookup . So they always have to be situated .
That is true , that is true .
Now , the older you get , I don't think women think about . Is my situation situated ?
Probably not . But should they in a way ? Because men should too , because I think men do the same thing . They're thinking who cares
¶ (Cont.) Personal Hygiene in Relationships
? You know who cares what's going on ? I'm married .
I've done what I've . Who cares ? Who ?
cares how my beard looks or my underbelly or my region downstairs . That needs to be taken care of a little bit . Who cares ? I'm married , but shouldn't we be taking care of that ? If you really want to give your spouse your all which you should want to give your spouse your very best all the time I think it's important to take care of that stuff .
I completely agree . I'm not going to not take care of mine .
And I'm not going to not take care of mine .
I wouldn't want you in that area if it wasn't taken care of .
I don't want to be there if it's not taken care of .
Let's just be real .
It wasn't taken care of . I don't want to be there if it's not taken care of . Let's just be real , okay , uh , so how important is hygiene ? Extremely ?
uh , it's at the top but the reality of it is , I mean , you're thinking , oh my gosh , you know like , okay , well , woman , I've got to take care of that area downstairs , got to shave my legs , got to paint my nails , do my toes . I got to shave my armpits . I got to do this .
I got to do my makeup , got to take care of all this , got to do my eyebrows , got to shave my legs , got to paint my nails , do my toes . I got to shave my armpits . I got to do this . I got to do my makeup , got to take care of all this , got to do my eyebrows , got to do my this and that . For me at all , I got to shave and I got to .
You know , for me , I got to shave my head , I got to make sure this is done . That is thinking , oh my gosh , it's so much stuff .
If you do just all the things daily , not everything daily , I like I don't shave my head every single day , I don't shave the underbelly every single day , but if you do the maintenance daily , it's a little steps every single day that just make it so easy . It's just part of your normal , everyday , regular routine .
That way , the old saying , you stay ready so you don't have to get ready . Amen , that way , and it comes down to time Like it's that night you know it's about to go down .
I got to get a 10 minute shower .
You can take a quick little shower . You can be ready to go instead of all right , well , I'm going to do two and a half hours because I need to do all of these things to get ready for you . It shouldn't be that way . So , yes , hygiene is extremely important . Take care of yourselves so you can give your spouse your absolute best at all times .
I got two left for you . This guy says he can't get past this feeling at all . He and his wife have been married for 13 years . He says she is everything to me . They are Christians , they are in the church , we have a great marriage . We are best friends . However , recently I've been having thoughts of her sleeping with other men .
This is something that I just can't seem to get past . It's something that I constantly think about . So I told her about it a few weeks ago and she just completely refused and hates the idea of it , which I respected .
Since then , she's wanted to talk about it more and said that if she is going to be a good and submissive wife , as the Bible says , then she will absolutely do this for me . I am now conflicted and I do not know what to do . Your face says everything . Yeah , what so Now ? We have long been on the . You know we'll die on the hill .
You do whatever your spouse you know , when it comes to the bedroom , you use that menu . You have ideas , you have thoughts , you have fantasies , man , you talk about it , you express it and , as the spouse , you do everything that they could ever possibly want , as long as it doesn't harm .
you't harm or bring someone else in .
Yes , as long as it doesn't harm you , your spouse , or something that could devastate the relationship , such as bringing another human being into it . You can't do those things .
But her thoughts of if I'm going to be a good submissive wife , that I'm going to be a good submissive wife , that I'm going to submit myself to my husband , that I got to do this is completely taking the way in which the marriage was designed and what the Bible teaches way out of context , because this is not the man giving his life for his wife .
So he's had this thought , he's had this fantasy .
Okay , I'm going to break this down .
Break it down .
He's having these thoughts , and this is just recent .
Yes .
They've been married for 13 years . I'm going to assume , even though I know what happens when you assume , but in this situation it's obviously safe to assume they are baby Christians .
Potentially .
Yeah , I could see it okay and she's thinking if I do this for my husband , I'm doing being the biblical wife like I'm supposed to be okay because if you come at me like that , marriage counseling would not fix us well , marriage counseling would .
It would be an immediate . It's like I hate that you're having this feeling . It would never in a million years happen . So we need to get this out of your brain for good .
But let me tell you why I believe he might be having these feelings .
Okay .
Stop watching porn .
There , it is , there it is , absolutely is it .
Because when you watch porn and you see all these other things and you want to make all of these things happen , If you cannot do that with your wife , you want somebody else to come in and you want to watch her with somebody else . Obviously you're enjoying porn way too much .
It doesn't say that , but I totally agree , absolutely .
It doesn't say that , but I totally agree Absolutely .
Porn will the quickest thing to devastate your relationship , your life , completely , derail everything that you possibly have . But in the same sense I've also seen a documentary on the guy that was his dad , started Liberty University .
Yes , him and his wife .
I can't remember their name , I can't remember we saw the same thing and he was the president of Liberty University and he and his wife basically did this for a while .
Years upon years and they had a guy . It's like a different life , but they brought it into their normal life . I mean , these are high profile Christian people .
Yes .
Christian people . They got themselves a little man . He liked to watch his wife have sex with her Yep . He was the same age as their sons .
That's right he was . He was a young guy , early 20s .
Yes , but they started bringing him to their house .
Yes , and events and stuff .
The kids had no idea I mean it was , I think they were telling their kids that he was trying to be an entrepreneur and they were helping him do this and that , and oh , it did . But when he decided , okay , I , I really I've met somebody , I want to be with her , I can't do this anymore , it got ugly for him real quick .
Yeah , because to be with her . I can't do this anymore . It got ugly for him real quick . Yeah , because they were like no you can't do this .
And the wife of the guy who's the liberty university guy was in love with this kid totally that's so disgusting it's .
It's horrible and that's that's what this , this is what's going happen . It's exactly what's going to happen . So what's my advice to you on this ? You and your wife need to go to the pastors . You need to talk to them about it . You need to bring people who care about you into this .
If you're really hardcore , involved in the church .
Be fully transparent as far as what is going on . Let them know , and they will counsel with you to . There's nothing that God can't heal . There's nothing Jesus can't restore . We are full examples of that , oh , absolutely Complete restoration for us , and there's nothing that Jesus cannot heal .
He can rid this of your life forever , but you have to be all in on it . You have to be repentant of it , this of your life forever , but you have to be all in on it . You have to be repentant of it .
I would suggest going to the pastor or the elders of the church , someone who you trust you can talk to about this and they will assist you and they will walk you through it and go through the whole thing , strong , strong amount of prayer to be able to do this and it will .
It'll go away . This will just just be . This will be a restoration story , but that's the only thing that can happen here . She this is . This would be absolutely detrimental to the marriage . It will .
It will end and it will end badly mind-blowing , but I understand why she would think that and that's why I thought okay I can see that she's really . She hears it like , well , I'm supposed to submit and yes , I'm supposed to do , but your husband's not loving you like he's supposed to love the church .
No , because your husband wouldn't want this for you .
You are his and only his . He is yours and only yours .
This is spiritual warfare . The enemy is at you hard with this and he is just drilling in on it .
Really , really quickly that 13-year itch . I thought it was seven , but all right , well , he's not at the second itch last one and this , this one , you'll , you'll laugh okay this is a guy saying why is my wife so horny ?
they're both 40 years old , they've been married for 15 years , why ? Whoa , that's so like us why in the world would my wife suddenly want sex more than usual , like so much more often than usual ? Nothing has really changed , but I can't keep up . See now , no guy would ever complain about this whatsoever , ever .
But he's saying I , she just wants all the time and I can't keep up with her .
What do you know this person ? No , I don't know this person , because it just sounds so like somebody nope , nope , I do not know this person .
Okay , but he can't keep up with her . What in the world does a man do when he just can't keep up with his wife , who constantly wants him first off ? Good for you guys . Here you are . You've been married for 15 years , you're both 40 years old and she wants you now more than ever .
Congratulations to you guys , because this is not most people no well , I've always heard that , like the cougar term would be your 40s and up , right going after somebody younger because you're trying .
Women are in their prime women hit their sexual peak in the around their 40s . Your age , at your age , yeah , men typically do when they're younger , yeah , so that's why they want the younger guy .
That's why the cougar term . They're going after those younger guys . I get that .
Why is this happening ? Hormones probably , but what do you do to keep up man ?
If you can't keep up down there , do other things for her elsewhere .
Hope you're picking up what you're putting down . I totally get it , don't ?
have to use your member to always give her what she needs .
This is true , you're 40 . Your reboot time is not what it used to be . Okay , just not . This is true . Uh , you're 40 . Your reboot time is not what it used to be . Okay , it's just not , and no matter how you want to change that .
It's not going to change not what it once was .
Now they make medicine for this type of stuff . I don't recommend going down that route . However , um , she wants it more than ever . You're struggling to keep up . Do exactly what my wife said . Find other ways and let her know too . Okay , just let her know . Like baby , this is amazing , but you're gonna have to give me three times today have worn me out .
I don't know I got .
I got nothing left in me . I just can't keep on . This could go a lot of different directions , but just let her know . Let her know that , hey , I got nothing left in me like I'm , I'm toast . I got nothing , nothing to me . You got to give me till tomorrow and I'll be ready to go all right , I need rest , I need , I need 12 hours .
Yes , I get that you can't keep up . I completely understand things happen that is different for men and women in those situations .
Totally . But if that area is not keeping up , you have other things that you can do to make sure she is satisfied and getting what she needs . If you satisfy her .
It's not going to be like three times a day . It still could be , but it's going to be , but it's gonna be better , how's not ? Gonna be , so I need your member , you know yes yeah , she's gonna be hey , you wanna blah , blah , blah hey , you want to go sneak around ? Yeah , it's not gonna be .
I need you now , no , it'll be a hey , let's , let's , let's go you're done ?
okay , I'm giving you 10 minutes . That kind of thing .
So I thought that was very funny . He's having a hard time . Good for you , though , man . Good for you . You are not what most people are experiencing . No , it's usually the opposite way .
Yeah , my husband wants me too much and I don't like the way I look . I don't want to do blah , blah , blah , but I love him so much .
I don't want to get upset the ladies who feel like that . I get the whole self-esteem , I totally get it . He still wants you and he should be the only one you're looking to satisfy in that way .
He wants to see you naked badly it ain't about what you think other people think about you . Because your husband doesn't look at you with the same eyes as those mean people body shaming you .
You're exactly right . Your husband is looking through with different types of eyes .
Right , Because I've always said I wish I could see me through your eyes .
Yeah , it's unbelievable .
I know I would love to have that confidence in myself .
I'll try to build you up a little bit better . Oh , we got to get out of here , all right , all right , god , I love you so much . Just thank you for what you do and just bless what you're doing here . Just help people find this who need it , bring the words that they need to hear .
Whatever they may be struggling with God , it is you who can restore all things in their lives and their relationships , and as much fun as we have and we like to laugh , uh , and we like to get to the things that people don't want to talk about . God , it's all designed by you and just give you the glory and all we do in Jesus name .
Amen , amen , play ball .