¶ Is Marriage Worth Saving?
Here's a question for you Is marriage ?
overrated . Why aren't people getting married anymore ? A new Pew Research poll found that two in five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition . Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriage is end in divorce .
If you get married you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married . That's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF Podcast . To help acclaim greatest relationship and marriage podcast in the world , we are your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers . When this releases , it will be your favorite day of the year .
Yes .
Happy Halloween .
We scare because we care .
We scare because we care . Boy oh boy , are we scaring because it's clowns . I don't like clowns , I don't do clowns . But you love me , but I love you . I love you . Should we share what I'm doing , for how much I love you ? Because , by then .
Oh my gosh , I forgot about that .
It'll be done so because I love my wife so much . This beard will be gone .
Like clean .
This beard is done Clean shaven .
Not because I don't like your beard .
No , I've had this beard for 15 , 16 years now . It's varied in length , shape , size .
There's always been something there .
But there's always been a beard there . However , when this airs will be the day that it goes bye-bye , because I love you so much and you asked me to do this , I'll be shaving everything except the mud stash , because I will be going on Halloween as Ted Lasso , ted Lasso himself and you are going to be Rebecca the boss .
The boss , I'm going to have biscuits with the boss , but I'm willing to shave it all , just the mustache , because the good news is it'll all be back in like a week , so it won't be too bad . Our son , cashman , was devastated . He's like no , no , no , no .
It's going to be interesting because they've never seen you without facial hair ever , never .
Now listen , my dad always had a mustache when I was growing up and he's got more like a goatee and all that now Always had a mustache . But I remember when I was young I may have been five or six years old he just shaved it off one day and he was clean shaving and I was like who is this stranger in the driveway ? I cried .
I was so upset because I did not know who this man was , because I've never seen him without one .
Well , maybe we should make the kids watch you shave it off so they don't go .
oh , that way they know . And we'll do it in stages . Well , we'll not just clean shave to clean shave , we'll do it in stages where it won't be that bad .
It's not going to be drastic .
But if that's not love , I don't know what is . Because when she told me , I was like , really , I shaved , shave , like I don't have a neck . You know what that's going to look like ? It's going to be bad , it's going to be ugly , it's not going to be pretty , but I will rock a mustache for a day for you .
Thank you , you're welcome . I pulled the wife card . I didn't expect to get a no .
So listen it's . It's near impossible for me to say no to you anyways .
Well , I had a backup , and it was this podcast .
You did .
And I do this podcast because you want this podcast .
No , here's the thing . This podcast ain't about you or me .
I know , but I still don't want to do it .
I know , listen , we don't always want to do what the Lord has given us , but it works out for the best when we do . I'm just saying , just saying .
I'm still here .
Yes , you are still rocking it and we want to thank everyone who listens Again , downloads , reviews , comments , sends messages . It's overwhelming every single week when we see it . The mafia , the married AF internet audience , is what someone coined it at as early . So it's really cool that we really , really appreciate it . So definitely continue to do that .
Let us know what you think , what you feel , send us information , send us questions , because today is going to be a fun one .
I'm kind of nervous .
You're going in at this completely blind . You don't know what I've got for you today , but it's more of a Q&A . I've got questions , I've got thoughts , I've got situations . We're going to discuss them and talk about them . Some are fun , some are serious , some are going to make you want to beat your head against the wall , but that's what we got today .
Interesting .
But I think it's going to be fun .
What you got .
All right . First one , very first one , is from a wife and she says husband is now trying , after I've decided to leave him , should I go back to him ? So here's the backstory . So I've been with my husband for 15 years . He has always had an angry streak that got worse and worse over the years . So now I'm good .
To begin with , I grew up with a narcissist mother , so I thought it was my job to be his punching bag . Over the years I kept giving and giving , walking on eggshells to keep him happy . Further , he was so very controlling .
I had a hard time keeping jobs and friends because he would get so mad over the very little things I was constantly getting screamed at . He would say that once he had X , y and Z he would stop being so angry . Well , fast forward . He got everything you wanted at the expense of my life , and I must say I was not happy to give him .
I was happy to give him the world , but my love was not being reciprocated . I kept expressing to him for years that if he does not stop this behavior , he will have no one to scream at because I will leave . What complicates things is we have a two year old . Of course , he did not stop .
Took much , took so much more for me to decide to leave , but I had to start living for myself . However , now that I'm gone , he starts making changes I've seen this before in him and it lasts only for a little while . Then he goes back to being a you know what .
However , I feel like if I do not go back , if I do not go back , I'm the one to break up my family and ruin my daughter's life . Do I go back to him ?
Thoughts I don't know where I want to start with all of that .
Start at the beginning . Married for 15 years , always an anger streak , worse and worse over the years , grew up with a narcissist mother . She feels like she is supposed to be the punching bag . Now I will say that goes back narcissist mother , this and that that's probably how she grew up .
So her parents obviously had a marriage that wasn't great and this is what it was . So she grew up thinking my sole job is to be a punching bag for my husband .
But if her mother was a narcissist , the dad had to be the punching bag right .
Perhaps or it could have gone both ways , Like probably took it out on her .
To get out on her instead .
We don't know that for sure .
So if that was the case and she is the way she is right now why would it matter if she stayed with him because of a two-year-old ? Why would that ruin that two-year-old's life ? She will grow up to know my mom did the right thing .
Unfortunately , that is true . You always had to see a marriage break up .
but but but Hold on , I'm not done .
Okay .
But she didn't just jump into the marriage . She had to date this guy yes , most people do before they get married . I understand that most girls now just get married because they want to be married . Doesn't matter who they're married to . Their friends are all married . Their friends had a big wedding . I want my day too .
Yep .
Rent a husband . Rent a husband , have your day . Hey , if that's all you want .
Well , that's kind of a problem that we see Everyone's so focused on the wedding and their day . They're not worried about the actual marriage . That day doesn't mean a dang thing . No , that day , look at us we eloped in the backyard for 70 bucks , had no big wedding , and we've stood the test of time .
And we paid in quarters .
We paid in quarters . So here's where I go with this . The whole he's trying in quotation marks after I decided to leave him . So for me , this is one of those situations where , oh , now that an actual change is made , now that something drastic has happened , now that there's been this big change in life , now he wants to decide .
It's like , oh , I pushed too far and I pushed her away , right ?
Well , I'm sorry . I'm not the kind of person that's going to get screamed at all the time .
No , you are not .
I have a backbone , maybe all those times that I was made fun of as a kid and constantly got bullied . Now I feel like bullying is a totally different term now , because every sad story is I was bullied as a kid . Yeah , that's another conversation for another day , but because of how mean the kids were to me . That gave me a backbone .
It did . Listen , you go through difficult things to get through more difficult things .
Yes .
That's the reason why , a lot of times , we'll go through something difficult . We'll think , oh well , it was me and we'll throw ourselves a pity party and we'll want this empathy and we'll want all the stuff . Chances are .
The reason you are going through that is because you're going to be able to learn how to get through that , because there's going to be something else that comes along and you're going to be able to go . Well , you know , I got through that . God got me through that , so I know I'll be able to get through this also .
Yes .
It's a lot of what it is .
But if you are willing to continue for 15 years to be someone's punching bag and you're now seeing that he's changed , but yet didn't she say it goes back and forth .
She's seen this before . It only lasts a little while and then it goes back to being who he was . So , to answer the question , should she go back to him ?
And the most monica way of saying anything .
Okay , hell , no . I have to tend to agree . If this is the behavior , now again don't want to see a marriage end . No , never , ever want to see a marriage end . However , if you are a punching bag and if it is one sided and the only reason he wants to change is because you said enough is enough , I'm done .
We will never condone someone being in an abusive marriage ever Exactly Do we want to see it ? Do we want to see it work out Absolutely , but you cannot allow yourself to stay in an abusive marriage . It's not okay .
Because you see a little bit of a change . He's going to think oh well , every time she threatens to leave , I can show a little bit of this , and she's going to come crawl him right back .
Exactly .
So I constantly have somebody to scream at and yell at , because , yes , that's what your two-year-old daughter needs to see .
Now devil's advocate of this . It's possible he could really change . Everyone can change , Absolutely . Everyone can have a life altering transformation . It can easily happen . However , it's not going to be the flip of a switch . It's not going to happen overnight .
This is going to be something you're going to have to deal with for years , Years To really realize that this is the case Exactly . You cannot stay in an abusive relationship . You simply can't .
No , she needs to get out and stay out . If he does change , be happy that your daughter now has a father who was trying Be happy for him . Move on with your life .
Yes and listen . If it comes back to work , great , that's awesome , but do not stay in an abusive relationship . All right , this next one . I strongly relate to this , and I think you will too , and just want to hear what your take on it . I am adventurous . My husband is not . How do I get him to be more adventurous ?
I like to try new things , be daring and get that adrenaline rush . I want to skydive , I want to go bungee jumping , I love big roller coasters , etc . My husband hates all of it and is scared . How can I get him to try new things ? Go , because this is us . I did not write this question , by the way .
I was about to ask you that .
This is not for me , however . This screams us . So , wow , I have been able to adjust and I've been able to try scary adrenaline rush type things . How did you trick me into doing it ? Because I hate everything that should ever be known about this . Words of wisdom , miss Monica Powers .
I really don't know how I talk you into those things .
Maybe you just wore me down over the years .
I think the last thing I seriously talked you into doing that you had zero intentions to ever do or even think about doing Shave off on beard and have just a mustache for a Halloween costume , that's one . Okay , that was just a couple of a few . Anyways , I'm talking about a real deal situation and you still haven't shaved , so we'll talk about that then .
Okay .
¶ Convincing to Ride Roller Coasters
Riding Velocicoster .
You nailed it . I didn't want to have anything to do with Velocicoster .
You were like absolutely not .
All I heard was oh , yeah , it has nothing that goes really over the top of you to keep you in . It's just kind of like a little belt or something . Oh , and this thing goes from zero to 70 miles an hour in the snap of a finger . Oh , and you go upside down a lot and actually you spend more time out of your chair than you actually do in the chair .
No , thank you . Yes , you do . That sounds miserable . That sounds awful .
Fantastic .
And I . You had the time of your life .
You love this roller coaster , so much I do love this roller coaster .
I didn't want to do this . I've never wanted to do that . I like roller coasters , but I don't like heights . Heights are scary , they fright me . This sucker gets up pretty high and pretty fast and you not be in your seat . You feel like you're going to fall out all the time . That's how it's designed . No , thank you .
However , when it was just you and I and we went , you would not . You wouldn't let it go . You wouldn't let it go .
I don't think I gave you an option to say no .
No , you're like , let's ride it . We got to ride it . You got to ride it . Hey , it's just us . You got to ride it . I was like no , no , I don't want to do this . I don't know , I don't have no interest .
Mr Powers , it was either you ride with me or I'm going to stand in line and ride by myself .
Well you stood in line with me , I did and I rode the ride and I got to say it's fantastic .
And you've done it every single time that we've been back .
I've done it multiple times . We'll be back in a few weeks . I will do it yet again , probably more than once , multiple times . So much fun . Our son , he also loves it too . Now I'll say , you know , I've progressively gotten better . The first time I rode it my eyes were open maybe 10% of the time .
Last , time I rode it and dad , that's high ball and it was .
I mean , I got a little , I got a lot . It definitely was , but it's amazing . So to answer this question and for your husband , just talk him into it . He's going to end up loving it . Now skydiving . You'll never catch me doing that . Why would you jump out of a perfectly good airplane .
Well , I will say this Right , I have been wanting to go skydiving for a very long time and you were like baby , I've got to put my foot down somewhere . Absolutely not . I'm not okay with you doing that . Why would you jump from a perfectly good plane ?
Yeah , I can't , that's that's going to be my , my one . But roller coaster is other fun , exciting stuff , bro . It's worth it , like seriously it's worth it .
It's so much fun it's doing anything on the stratosphere .
No , that's because that's stupid too and that's what it's years ago . We're not going back , but but this is something that , like you , can do together and that's gonna be an experience and a memory that you can laugh about , you can , you can talk about just a cool experience that you should .
I think it's something that you Need to start , something small , with just a trip yes , a weekend to get away .
With one little semi daring adventurous type thing and work yourself up . We've been at this for 20-something years .
We've been at it for a long time , so and most of the time you've sat on the sidelines and watched me do every .
Crazy thing that could possibly be done . Yep , pretty much , so it's worth it ,
¶ Balancing Career and Relationship Goals
yes . Next one we just can't seem to find time for each other . We're struggling to find a balance between our professional lives and the time we spend together as a couple . How can we ensure we're spending quality time with each other without compromising our career goals ?
¶ [Ad] The Brief
Well , I feel like you have wrote this one too , mr Powers . No , no , no because this is well . It's not like we're fine , we're not Okay . I mean , obviously we find time for each other , of course , seriously recording a podcast right now , but this summer , when I accepted a position as volleyball coach , that was a drastic .
Yeah , and it has been and then it just got more and more , and Now I'm in a permanent position as a substitute teacher . Yep on top of the coaching . Yes , volleyball is now over , but Softball has begun it has
¶ (Cont.) Balancing Career and Relationship Goals
. So I'm also now coaching softball for the high school . So we are Are still trying to figure out the ins and outs , because we're this is not something we're used to .
So how do you figure out the ins and outs then ? How have we done it ?
When we talk about a relationship not being 100% yes . That's where it comes in . Okay , because All week this week is a great example of that . On Wednesday we went to super regionals with volleyball . We had serious practices after school on Monday and Tuesday my birthday was Tuesday . Tuesday , yeah , my birthday was Tuesday .
We didn't get to really celebrate , and we celebrate birthdays around here . Yeah , but this one was a big one , so we didn't necessarily get to do any of that . No because we went out An hour and so away for super regionals and we were gone all day . I don't think . I think we left that morning .
You left early and then we didn't get home until 10 o'clock .
Mm-hmm long day .
It was a long day , but we're still trying to figure that out . We always working through it , but but it's that that's when the Okay . I'm not I can't be a hundred percent right now , because I do need to focus on this very important thing for these , the school and these girls , Because this isn't something that they've necessarily had before .
They haven't had coaches that push them , and that care believe in them and want them to win right . So it was a oh my gosh . It was eye-opening for me to know that no other coach before us has checked grades , had punishment for accountability thing right it was . It was very mind-blowing .
But when I also share all of this information with you , you're like baby you have to be there .
Yeah , it's important because it's not always about us .
But when I go to the school and I'm there 7.30 to 7.30 , some even later , I'm pushing 12 hour days and this week was one of those crazy weeks and you works from home on Friday and I was gone because of our time situation , where we don't necessarily I don't get to do all the things that I'm adjusted to doing .
Right .
As in cleaning and vacuuming , a lot of shopping . I haven't gotten many of those opportunities , but when I come home from school on Friday , you work from home .
Mm-hmm .
I walk in and this house is absolutely spotless .
Just trying to pick up .
You didn't have to do that , yeah , but guess what ? I could have spent all Friday night and all day Saturday morning doing those things , but you did that for me so we could spend time together Friday night .
That's how marriage works .
Exactly .
That's what it's all about .
So I was lacking in those and you had an opportunity to pick that up and you were there .
Yeah , and it's a given taken , an ebb and flow , that's going to happen . As far as these two are concerned , how do we not compromise on career goals ? Not saying you should ever compromise your career goals , but your relationships far more important than your career . Primary , your career is extremely important .
But I can tell you this no one has ever died , been on their death bed and said , man , I wish it would have worked a little bit harder , I wish I would have stayed at the office a few more nights , I wish I would have gone on a few more work shifts . No , they say , I wish I would have had more time for my spouse , for my kids , for my family .
I wish I would have spent more time with my family . So for you , you just have to be intentional . Again , it comes down to priorities . Your spouse is at the very top of the list outside of God , god , spouse , kids , church work , everything else , and it seems like they're still trying to figure out their careers .
Maybe they don't have kids ?
No , so you should be very intentional about spending time with each other . This next one you're gonna hate oh gosh . So much so buckle up . Do I'll let you take a drink before I really get into this , because you might spit the water out ? Do I let my wife date ?
Ha ha ha ha , ha , ha ha . This is the real question .
To save our marriage . What my wife and I are considering an open relationship to keep things exciting . We seem to have lost the spark and she seems uninterested in me . This is something she brought up and I am and am I crazy for considering this ? You're an idiot .
Do you have any tips on how to navigate this transition without damaging our commitment to each other ?
Damaging your commitment to each other . You're considering an open relationship . How is that considered commitment at ?
all I knew you would have this reaction to this .
Oh my gosh , this has got my blood boiling . My face is about to turn red .
This is the stupidest idea you could possibly have .
She don't want you , no more bro .
No , if she brought it up to you , she is clearly already pursuing this .
She's got a co-worker , that she's been . Hey , maybe I should tell my husband and then we won't have to worry about anything .
It's a high likelihood they're already having sex with each other .
She's just needing it to be okay with her husband , so she's not gonna get in trouble when she gets caught .
So should I let my wife date to save our marriage ? Absolutely not . The commitment is there is no commitment . You cannot , you can't sleep with other people and be married and there not be an emotional attachment to that which the marriage is just gonna go . It's gone , it's done . This is the dumbest idea anyone could possibly have to try and save the marriage .
No , no , it's furthering .
Your marriage has been over . She's just trying to keep you because you must make a lot more money than she does .
It is furthering , further ruining the marriage if you just allow this to continue . You have to step up and say absolutely not , I'm not okay with this . This is not gonna be all right for our marriage . You have to make a choice . It's either gonna be that or me , one or the other . You cannot . You can't have your cake and eat it too .
Mm-hmm . But here's the big problem that this relationship obviously does not have . You know what they don't have ?
What's that ?
Jesus .
Oh , absolutely not . Are you kidding me ? This is such a terrible idea .
Go to church .
The answer is no . Do not let your wife date . This is such a terrible idea . Next question , because I knew you'd have that reaction . That's an easy answer right there , y'all . No , it's an easy answer , all right . So
¶ Troubled Marriage and Relationship Struggles
here's the next one . I only got a couple more . I need encouragement after having a baby . My husband and I are in our 30s together for 10 years , married for three . We've had our fair share of issues . He's been emotionally and , I'm convinced , also physically unfaithful . I can be abrasive in my communication . He doesn't want to talk about emotions .
We have a one year old . We are both great parents to her , but he and I are disconnected . We barely speak to each other because he seems to walk on eggshells . When I am totally checked out , I just constantly feel unloved and like I'm just here to make money and provide for an easy life .
He does make okay money and carries our insurance , so I take care , but I make about three times more than he does . I also started a new birth control , which could be adding to my depressed mood over the last week , and it could be the fact that I feel like I am unloved .
I could go on for days , but I have to know is this connection with little kids normal , and did anyone stick it out to find themselves happy on the other side after kids where a little older ? I've heard this phase is hard . I just don't know if it's supposed to be this hard .
So some encouragement for someone who just had a baby and feels unloved and completely disconnected . Now I will say this while you're gathering your thoughts on that I can understand .
When you first have a child you feel like there can be a disconnection because I don't care how many books you read , or this or that , that bringing a little human into your that you're fully responsible for can be a little bit of a challenge . But again , you have to be in that together . This is something incredible and amazing that you get to do together .
How old is the child ?
A year old , so it ain't a newborn anymore , right .
I can see the first couple months where you can't have sex for six weeks .
Yeah .
Girl . How much weight did you gain with this child ?
And , honestly , she probably feels more of that herself , because I guarantee he would probably still look at her . Now the key takeaway I got here I can be abrasive in my communication . He doesn't like talking about emotions .
Obviously , if he comes to you in a vulnerable state and you yell at him and you put him down or you act like you just are unconcerned and do not care , he's never gonna wanna talk to you .
Let's add in the I feel like I'm only here because I make all the money . Sounds like she's a narcissist .
Oh , a little bit . I'd agree with you there . Maybe just a little bit .
He's there for insurance and daycare . Baby , if you make three times more than he does , why is your job not paying for the insurance ? Because if he's got a job that only pays for insurance and daycare , why the hell is he even working ? That's a waste for him to do that . So , get out of your own head .
Stop accusing him of cheating because he's disconnected . Anybody's gonna be disconnected to someone who talks down to them .
Oh , 100% right .
You talk down to me . You can never come back from that .
No , this guy and you know , oh , he's been emotionally and , I'm convinced , physically unfaithful . Listen , if you're mean and abrasive and hateful , Physically unfaithful and put him down and I could easily see where the scenario comes into play . Well , I make all the money . I do this , I do that , I mean , she's very adamant .
I make three times more than he does . This poor guy . I feel a little more now again , I don't know the full story .
This is her side . But when you mentioned that in your side of the story , why does money have anything to do with what you're feeling ?
It shouldn't , it doesn't . My recommendation yes , this can be a phase whenever it's like a brand newborn . You're way past that . You need to talk about it . You need to take his .
And not talk about feeling . No , you need to take , you need to go , talk to somebody who can .
You need to take account his emotions when you are talking to him . It's that non-judgment communication Crap . If he comes to you and he's upset about something , he's feeling something , be there for him . You're the wife . Yeah Again . So there's your encouragement . Love your husband . He's number two for you , not the kid , not the kid .
We're marriage counselors , coaches certified . Anybody needs it . We can do it by Zoom .
We most certainly can .
It's been done .
And it works . Honestly , it does work .
Absolutely . We have seen the change in people .
We have seen true transformation in people and it's , it's incredible .
It's someone who can be the middle person to open up these doorways to talk about feelings .
Yeah , as everything comes about , it's always all about communication , about communication .
Single time .
You're gonna love this next one Caught my husband looking at sexual photos . Here's the . Here's the story . Today I asked my husband to tend to our daughter while I took some phone calls . My daughter walked into the office during the most important phone call . I scooted her out to find my husband scrolling some girls' sexual photos profile on Instagram .
He was so entranced by this girl's profile he had no idea . My daughter walked into the room , didn't hear me open the noisy office door , Didn't hear me say hello . So I walked over to him to knock on the wall to get his attention . I saw his phone screen and it sucked .
Earlier this year he put my daughter down for a nap and I took a look at her baby camera to see if she was sleeping . I saw him scrolling nude photos of a woman on a website I am still not familiar with . We both watch porn ding , ding , ding . There's your problem and I'm not too bothered by it .
I am really bothered by him looking at specific profiles of women , though I confronted him about it and he basically called me crazy and said that it was different , wasn't different from watching porn . I feel like he cheated on me . The fight blew up about how I'm turning into a nag . The last five years have been really rough .
I've nagged and I've also been extremely unhappy with him . I'm about 35 weeks pregnant now , feeling out of my element . I hate being pregnant because I don't feel beautiful , so this adds to it . I have tried to reason with that reason that it's the hormones , but I'm not sure . Am I overreacting ?
You're an idiot .
Number one problem . You're okay watching porn together .
And you're 35 weeks pregnant , unless you are some crazy just over the top physical fitness person , and all you have is a tiny little baby under your little belly , right , not every guy is attracted to a pregger . Okay , I don't get it . There's a person in your belly and it's moving around and kicking . It's kinda gross .
Yeah , you're doing . You're actually doing one of the most incredible things that anyone could ever , that any woman could ever possibly do . It's amazing . You grow a human inside of you .
Yes , it's a wonderful thing .
It's a beautiful thing .
Crazy to look at , just like that's happening . But if you're okay , watching porn together .
That's that that ? When I read this , I was like , well , that's , that's number one . You have given him the green light that , hey , it's okay to look at any naked woman that you want to , whenever you want to .
You've already given that power over to him to say hey because we do this together , it's perfectly fine , but because he does it without her , he is cheating on her .
Yeah , it's um that's .
I'm going to . This is the most mon . This is another most Monica answer .
Watch it now .
If you think because your husband is looking at another naked woman he is cheating on you , you should be thankful . That's all he is doing .
That's true , and could he be doing ? I don't know , it's possible . And then I'm on problem here You're watching porn and you're okay with that . Porn is an absolute poison that is destroying humanity . Yes , it's destroying humanity .
It doesn't make any sense .
Last one . You're going to love this one . This one's good . I figured let's end it out on a high note .
Please . These other ones are fairly irritated .
This wife is what most men and women should act in this way . She says hubby had a long day . He'll be home in about 15 minutes . Is this too much ? I love this . There are fresh baked cookies , rum and coke and a eucalyptus epsom salt in the bath All of his favorite things , plus a sorry , you had a crappy day card .
He's been distant lately and wanted to show him how much he means today . There's a picture of it , everything there . I say this is amazing . I love her . This is a huge , huge win . She knows this guy might have been going through it at work . He's had a rough time . It's just man , he's busy there . Maybe who knows what the situation is .
I know you had a crappy day . Hey , when you come home , take a little time to decompress . Here's you some cookies . Here's your rum and coke . Here's your a bad . Just relax , take it easy . Just want to let you know I love you and I'm thinking about you , that this is what marriage is .
Exactly Because we've done that for each other . Yeah .
Hey , I know today was rough . We all go through bad days . We have bad days for whatever reason . It's a huge win .
I mean , she's amazing . Is it too much this is .
This is incredible .
Can you help other people realize they need to at least step it up so their spouses can see how much you love them ?
Yeah , I don't even say step up . I mean this . This is what marriage should be . This is it recognizing that , hey , my spouse is going through a difficult day , bad day , bad day . Hey , she had a crappy day . I don't need you to come home and you know , continue that , just come home , relax , decompress . Let you know that , hey , you may be running at 5% .
I got the other 95% , don't you worry about it . This is what marriage is supposed to look like . Yes , and I think where we have gotten it wrong is we are so selfish that we think marriage is about us .
Yes , and that's why people are okay with cheating on their spouses .
We think marriage is about me . What am I going to get ? What's my benefit out of this marriage ? How is this going to affect me ? How is this going to be an affect me when marriage is , in fact , it's not about you at all . It's about your spouse . It's about that person you're marrying . Instead of having that mentality , what am I getting out of it ?
How's this going to be an affect me ? What can I do to serve my spouse 100% of the time ? What can I do to make my spouse better 100% of the time ? What can I do to help grow my spouse 100% of the time ? That's marriage . Yes .
And it's not single-sided , not the wife always doing it for the husband .
Because I get with this last couple . I guarantee , if the roles are reversed when this type of stuff happens , he'll do the exact same thing for her . He will recognize that He'll do something special , give her her favorite things , just to let her know , hey , I'm thinking about you , I love you . I'm sorry it was a bad day , but I'm here for you .
You don't have to go at it alone .
He's not going to forget what she did Not at all , but I'd like to know what his response was .
I'd probably just like thank you , should just be thank you , and should love it .
Because that's how I felt when I came home and the house was clean on Friday .
Yeah , it's just , it's like oh , we just , we don't understand . He loves me .
¶ The Importance of Reciprocity in Relationships
We have an opportunity to serve someone and improve someone's life every single day and we're just . Those opportunities are just slipping through our fingers because we're too worried about what's in it for me and it's no good so that's our Q and A . That's all I got for today . It is time for us to get out of here . I thought you would enjoy some of those .
I'm glad you ended without . I had to end on a high note because some of those you just want to say , like what are you thinking ? Like how , what ? Just what are you thinking ?
You wasted time typing that out . Should I let my spouse date ?
Should I let my wife date ? Absolutely not . So happy Halloween , so happy Halloween everybody . Happy Halloween , go get lots of candy . We'll scare because we care . Yes , next time Not as head lasso and Rebecca , but no , next time you see me , I'll probably have just more of a mustache than anything else . It's crazy . God , we love you .
Oh , we're just so thankful for this opportunity and this platform . As always , it's amazing the reach that you have through this , and we're just thankful that we get to be a part of that , be a part of your purpose and your plan , and just want to help enrich the marriages and relationships .
Let people get something out of this so they can really have a marriage that is out of this world , which is our whole . Point is to not be out of this world , but be out of this world and rely on you , and we're just so thankful for it . We love you in Jesus name , amen , amen .
Amen .