Q&A: Another Round

and I'm going to be back with a new one . Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated ? Why aren't people getting married ?

anymore . A new Pew Research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition . Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages and in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for a long time . That's why you get married .

have multiple Marriage is stupid .

Welcome to the Married AL podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast on the planet . We are your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers , excited for another episode of Q&A .

So just listening to that it just irritates me every single time that girl's voice . I hope I don't eat someone with that voice because I'm instantly going to . Oh God . I don't like you , just because of her Listening to her that round , I was thinking what she possibly looks like .

You know what I'm going to do everything in my power to track her down and get her on this episode or not episode , but this show this podcast , please .

I want to ask her why is she so stupid ?

Well , it's because why would you want one partner for the rest of your life when you can have multiple partners ? Because the more people you get involved , the better and easier it gets . But marriage is stupid . So all of them . Marriage is stupid . That's what that guy thinks . That's what a lot of people think , unfortunately .

Kind of a lot of response on the last one .

So a lot . We have some more kind of like that , but we have some like really good , wholesome people like really trying to seek like true , valuable advice . It seems like people are trying to make it better and be like all right , I know what I need , but I just need help getting there . So I'm excited for that .

I got a text this week . I'm going to call him out . Oh boy who ?

is it ? Wait , wait , wait , A text personally to you .

A personal text and to me .

Okay .

It's a a friend . Well , at first it started out they were friends , and then DNA comes back and says hey , you're actually family , so it's Devin .

Devin texts me this week too .

He was super excited because he was listening and doing something with whatever media platform and he said I'm just excited about being the top . I don't know what it's called .

Top a top fan , Top fan or something . Top fan or something .

And he was super excited about it .

So thank you , Devin Big time Devin . I was supposed to go play golf sometime in the next couple of weeks . Hopefully we'll be able to do that and I can make him feel bad about his golf game .

So buckle up , yeah let's let him feel bad about his golf game , but he's excited about being our top fan .

I listen , love him for it , appreciate that . It's awesome . All right , so you ready to get into this ?

Let's go .

Buckle up , are you ready ? The very first one that we have . Here we go . I'm withholding sex to make a point . What kind of points , let's find out . I have started to withhold sex from my husband because he just doesn't seem to get that I have needs too . He doesn't show any physical affection . The only time he does is when he wants sex .

There are so many things in that statement slash question that are wrong .

Number one . Yeah , I think you definitely do need counseling .

Absolutely . There is a lot of me problems in that whole question statement .

A whole lot of me problems . And one thing just to kind of say really quickly . You know , it seems like she is maybe in the church somewhat . You know she is talking about past sins and past this and past that which , first off , jesus took all that away . That's that's . It's done . It's done when he goes to the cross . All that's done .

We do that .

We do that because we see the value of marriage and a lot of churches see the value of marriage , so but I don't think that withholding sex is . The Bible speaks really clearly on withholding sex .

You better get back to it .

Do not withhold sex unless you both agree to it , and it's because you are pursuing the Lord closer .

Right .

But don't do it too long , because you're going to need to come back to it .

Right , because if you don't go back to it , he's going to go somewhere else and get it . And then you're really going to be mad about that , and obviously she is not .

She doesn't enjoy it when they have and she's taking it to her own managers and taking care of herself on her own . Which you have , a husband . You need to do this together .

Well , he's never placed me . Well , have you told him ?

Hey , go back and listen to the menu . Go listen to the Sex Mid-Ew episode . Have you had the test kitchen and have you had the conversations ? I'm willing to bet that the open , honest communication hasn't been there .

No .

They haven't really talked about it .

Obviously because he doesn't know she's having to fix herself .

I would say when they do talk about it , it's probably heated the moment . You know , something has just happened and they're both on edge and they're both at 100 .

She even says she's on fire . Yeah , she didn't believe him because she said that he said he would go and she doesn't believe him . There are so many other issues besides sex that's being withheld . That's a problem .

Oh , I totally agree , I totally agree . So I think the idea of some sort of counseling it's a must here because it could . But again , you know she , he says he would go , but she thinks he's lying . Hopefully he's not . You need to really have a sit down , non-passionate , non-angry conversation .

No .

Bible , you know , read that . I mean unless it's a medical kind of situation where you don't want medically falling out or if you're bringing yourselves closer to the Lord together . But again , don't do it very long because that's going to cause a problem . Those are needs that we have as humans and they need to be met .

I'm curious to know if they have kids . I understand now that I'm a mom . I am a really light sleeper , mish , you have .

Yeah , you've become fairly light Used to I could sleep through tornadoes , you could sleep through anything Like I could yell at you and shake you and you're dead to the world . I mean , there have been times it's like she's still alive , is she okay ?

But I remember when we bought our first house .

Oh , my God , yes , tell this story .

We had no idea there was a train . I guess the train tracks but I didn't know . That's where they connected and yeah , it's like a .

There's like a train yard

Yeah , I don't know what they would call it , but when the trains would connect they would sound like an explosion . But we lived really close and our first night in the house we had no idea . We didn't have cameras , we didn't have anything like that . This is what 2013 .

Yes .

And it's a Split .

It's not split for your , while you walk into the house the bedrooms in the master bedrooms on your right , living , and then all the other bedrooms are on the left .

So our house , our this , that that house , the bedroom the master bedroom was on one side and the kids bedroom . Well , we only had cash at that time was on the opposite side of the house and we are dead asleep and the trains start connecting . There sounds like there is a massive war going on in our backyard .

I'm just gonna say , now that we know , it's like we were so stupid we're idiots , we're idiots .

But our first , our fight or flight kicked in and we were ready to fight .

We were ready to fight big time , like I thought , okay , it's a war , it's , we've been attacked and there's a war .

You are in nothing but underwear . I am in a like a tank top and underwear . We make sure cash is okay . This kid still passed out . He's like maybe a year old .

He's not even a year old yet . Yeah , he's completely passed out .

He has no idea , thank God , and we're in the backyard with our guns .

Or we are scoping out the backyard .

We are back to back . We are looking clear , clear .

We have no idea what we're doing , but we've watched shows and like swat all day we were like oh , we know exactly what we're doing . Clear , clear , go this way , go that way . Back to back , kinda trying to clear the backyard , sweeping the house .

We swept the house and there was nothing in it , and then we kept hearing it . And then , while we're outside , we hear it again .

Yeah , and it's like it's one , two o'clock in the morning . We're in our underwear with guns walking around the backyard . I know if anyone saw us , they gotta think .

They would have called the cops on us .

We gotta move . These people that just moved in are crazy . They're walking around the backyard with guns in their underwear , in the middle of the night we had the lights flipped on .

We were not going out anywhere that we couldn't see .

We heard it again and we're like I don't know what that is . And we talked to our neighbors the next day . They're like oh yeah , that's just the trains , it's no big deal .

And we , just when we walked away and we could be behind closed doors . We are so stupid . We were literally in our underwear in the backyard . So dumb . Trying to shoot something that wasn't even there .

So stupid .

Maybe she's just a light sleeper . You maybe need some white noise in the background . Actually I was thinking the same thing A sound machine or something .

Maybe you need some sort of there's apps and everything now , but a sound machine , some white noise , just something like that .

Bravo to you Maybe a new bed .

Bravo to you for being that husband who doesn't want to take that chance , even though knowing that there's nothing there . You're like that'll be the one time I say no , there's nothing there , and then someone's actually trying to get in . I'm not gonna try and live that down ever .

Well , that also makes me think okay , where do they live ? Do they live somewhere where that's a constant thing and you have to think about that ? Yeah , I mean is it in the city where it's really loud , and yeah , you're gonna hear things all the time .

Well , my thought is , if it's in the city where it's loud , you're gonna be , you're gonna like you should be .

you should be Just like the trains .

After a month or so , we never even heard them . Never heard them . It was something we never heard again , even though they were there . So you know , my thought is melatonin sequel something like that . I don't know , but I like the idea of white noise Just having something playing in the background .

Hopefully this is just a short little phase and it will fade away because yeah , maybe get a more comfortable bed , something get you a sleep number .

Yeah , listen , we're not sponsored by sleep number , and if we were , that would be phenomenal . Get you a sleep number . It's life changing .

It's changed our lives and then you get the heat and the cold .

Oh , the air condition and the heat .

Oh , then you won't be thinking about toys anymore .

Let's just shut this down and go to bed . But yeah , you know , hopefully it's something , but I like the idea of white noise . I think that could really help fade it out . All right , the next one . This is really wholesome . This is good . I like this . I'm 24 year old .

That was my . I was like what are you ? I mean , I don't know how to answer that question because I'm not one that really cares .

I know , but you are a woman , something for me .

I was going to go with , depending on what kind of man you're praying for .

Yeah , and my thought would be it's probably just a good , decent , kind man who loves the Lord .

Because there's so many different types of people , like Christian men , like there's extroverts , there's introverts , there's kind of I don't like to talk to many people , but like you , you're not a big talker but you sound kind of sort of have to be .

That's true .

So I really think it depends on what kind of guy you're after .

Well , it doesn't make sense .

Well , different people have different perspectives of what they would like . So , like if they're an introvert and she's an extrovert , she's gonna have to go after them . Yeah , she absolutely is , you're gonna have to pursue that girl .

You know , for , I think , men in general , for me , I think just the way a woman carries herself , just kind of being confident in who they are , that can be seen really , really quickly .

That's probably the best answer to be yourself .

It is be yourself , because You're gonna be somebody .

You're not . What kind of guy are you actually attracting then ?

Exactly , you're gonna attract the one that you are not praying for . So my thought is , if you just continue to pray and continue to seek after the Lord , he will provide the right man for you at the right time . You're probably not done cooking yet .

Right , she needs to read Mike Todd's book Relationship Golds .

Yes , I totally agree , because if you meet that guy now , if the timing's not right , we always think it's on our time , but when it's on the Lord's time it's completely different , it completely changes everything . And I say just continue to pursue the Lord , be who you are .

Go to all the single type of things .

Go to those serve on teams , they're just get to know people . It seems like she's got her head on straight . She knows what she's looking for . She's asking God for it . He will provide that again at the right time .

And he never know what's in the waiting .

You're right , that's so good . You never know what's in the waiting , because there is , there's someone there , it just it ain't time yet . So you are , it's not our time , it's his time .

And man , how many times have we wanted to say Jesus , just bust through the clouds , bro , it's time .

Yeah , it's just go time , we think it's time , it's not .

No , because he knows what we want to think .

Well , because he knows we're not , we're not ready .

We're not ready .

We aren't ready for that yet , and one thing I would say is , if you do have like this checklist of everything that he is supposed to be and supposed to , you need to get rid of that , and I think Mike Todd says it is but rip up the list .

Because everything that you think of the contract that we talked about , like the relationship contract where they had a you got to be . I need flowers once every week or a month or something .

Twenty seven pages worse , which is ridiculous , setting us but it was ridiculous . The throw that stuff away . Be who you are and the Lord will provide the man at the right time . Yep , absolutely . Waiting sucks , but waiting does suck , but it's worth it . Oh , once , once that happens , it's , it's totally worth it .

Do you think she knows why she has so many kids ?

One would hope

He says hey go , he doesn't know how to try .

Well he says , hey , go ride the horse , go ride your horse , you enjoy doing that . Go do this , Go do that . It seems like he's trying to say hey , I recognize that you spend way too much time with the kids and that's all you ever do . Go try and do things for yourself .

Where's your priority ?

You got to let go , man , you got to trust their father . And , yeah , you do need a little time for yourself . Even more important , you need a little time for just you and him , because it seems like that's not happening at all . You've lost your identity . It's sad .

Then why did you keep having kids ?

That's 8 and 1 half , 7 , 4 and 1 half , 2 and 5 months . Hopefully you are done at the moment .

She's been pregnant most of their marriage .

Yeah , 10 years . She's been pregnant for pretty much , yeah , the vast majority of it , for sure .

Maybe he's got a fetish for pregnant women , I don't know . But gee whiz .

Maybe . I mean , I feel for him this stinks , but you got to have conversations and you've got to let you know , you've got to go Go ride your horse , go do stuff . I mean she says he's a great dad , he's there , he plays with them , he's present , he helps with the chores , he does this , he does that .

being able to If her mother can't settle them ? I don't necessarily understand that part either . Is that your mother comfort situation ?

Could be .

Are these kids in ? Well , obviously the older two are in school . Why are the others not in a Mother's Day Out program ?

Right .

That's at least four hours , sister . And it's usually fairly inexpensive and your husband doesn't like doing the bottle , that doesn't mean somebody else isn't going to like doing it .

That's . I mean , that's a great point . I mean , you know , find programs , find things for them to do , because you do need your sanity and , you know , need to be able to enjoy life .

Who are you ? Who are ?

you . Thank you , cashman , for Alexander Hamilton . Have the conversations , you'll love this one . Oh boy , I'll be quick and easy . I don't want to get married , but I want a proposal . Here we go .

Is this the girl from the beginning of the Thing that you've done ?

I know I've been . I hope not my partner . My partner . I have been together for two years . We've talked about marriage in the past and he told me he doesn't want to get married . At first I was really sad about it and didn't understand why , but with some time to reflect , I agree with him and I also don't want to get married .

Social media is full of those fake pictures that she took 15 of them to get the perfect one , because it sounds like she's extremely vain and doesn't care about Anything .

That's personal . That's a wedding . Definition of a wedding and that can be done . You can have a wedding with just a couple of people there .

You can have a wedding .

You can have one with 5,000 people there . You can have one with five people there , it does not matter . It's your wedding and the wedding does not matter . It's the marriage that matters . And to get married again only insurance or medical reasons is the dumbest idea ever . I think she , deep down , has always wanted to get married .

He's cheating on her , no doubt .

He's not the guy for you , don't he's ? the reason why marriages don't last everything you're saying is showing that , hey , you do want to be married . You want the ring , you want some jewelry . Go to the JC pennies and buy yourself a little ring . Cares .

Poor guy .

Social media ruins it .

He's doing all the things while she's getting the muscles .

You don't do enough . You know what are you doing ?

sitting there looking through somebody else's life ?

No , it's amazing , Do you ?

even know what you want anymore .

It's amazing what can happen when you just put the phone down and look up look up once in a while .

There's a whole bright world literally washing dishes that he probably cooked your meal too . Oh , you don't do enough for me . You don't do enough for me .

Drives you crazy .

I know exactly what that type looks like . Oh , you don't have to find her already now put , put , the Put , the put the thing down .

Just put the phone down , be done with it . You know , put the phone down , there's a whole world up there talk about restrictions on her phone . Yes , put up , put the screen time timer on there . They'll be like you got 30 minutes a day , that's it sneak her phone away .

Literally shut it down put the restrictions on it . Don't tell her the password .

Like this . I'm doing this for you and our marriage because I ain't gonna last if this continues . Because I told Liga there's . There could be nothing more frustrating than you know , trying to have a marriage and in a relationship with your spouse and it's nothing .

This girl's got it together .

She has this together .

She knows what she wants , she knows what she's Needing , and now she's asking advice on what do I need ? To what ? What's my next step of Moving forward ?

listen whether this guy is the guy or not . With this type of mindset and this intentionality and she is she she's firm , she stands on her beliefs . She seems like she cannot be wavered from them . She's setting expectations . I have no doubt , whether this guy said or not , she will have a long , happy , successful marriage absolutely I do .

I Do hope she is that open and honest with him about all of the things she did . Say

And for the most part you did . But I will say that as time grew and we got stronger in our faith , that list was secondary .

I did . Just fell out of .

It's all cool and great , but , boy , this stuff doesn't necessarily matter .

I think she needs to find out what his expectations are .

Totally .

Is he dating just to date ? Because she doesn't want to do a dating just to date . She's dating to find that person who she's going to marry and if he's not interested in that , walk away , because you don't need to be wasting any more of your time . And if that's what he's interested in . Find those goals , find the common goals .

I would say , probably not at all .

I mean his friends are probably like , yeah , he's dating somebody . She's in her 20s .

But it almost seems as if he's he . You know , based off of this , it seems like he's kind of in the same place .

He's just hanging around because she's the virgin .

Yes , but I don't think I mean they go to church together . He's interested in the gospel . She even said he's not maybe at her level but feels like I mean something that they can do together . But she's laying the foundation early for her for her whole life .

I mean , why would you get married if you can have multiple partners ? I mean , why would you wanna get stuck in being married ? Why does her voice sound like that ?

Just does . But marriage is awesome and it's incredible Whenever it's done the way it's supposed to be done . It's the greatest gift that we could ever possibly have .

And even before we had a podcast , before we had kids , I mean even after we had kids . But we always said why we could just look at people , like every time we were at a theme park , mostly Disney , we could just stand in line and you get to people watch .

Oh , it's the one of the best .

Well , you could just see how miserable people are .

Yes , oh , especially at Disney . People are miserable .

The true person that you are comes out at Disney . If your wife is trying to fight for a place to .

Well , we saw it last time we were at Universal Studios , when we went and just kind of sat and took a little break for a little bit .

I think that's something .

And there was this mom with her daughter and she was just screaming and yelling and cussing about how hateful everyone is , how they don't appreciate . It was a scene Cashton Elke we're looking like . Oh my God , what is going on over there ?

Because they got separated from her husband the girl's dad that was sitting there with her . I mean , every other word out of her mouth was f-f-that .

Yeah , I mean it was . And our kids were like Like I just don't pay attention , but you do see their true colors . But bravo to you trying to set the foundation . I would say , just like my beautiful wife said have the conversations , talk about it .

Where I was going with that . When we would see things like that , we would say , man , I wish everyone would have a marriage like ours .

I totally agree .

But that was before Jesus and it's only increased .

It's only gotten better , and not saying we are the picture perfect model of it . But , man , I love you more than anything in the world and I love our life together and I want people to be able to experience the same joy that I've been able to experience , because we have gone through it all and there's almost nothing that we haven't experienced .

Absolutely . I love you .

I love you , baby . Let's get out of here . God , we love you . We are just so thankful for what you were doing

Amen play ball .