¶ Intro / Opening
Surprising reasons . Women are leaving their marriages , because here's the latest stat out of 2024 .
Oh boy .
That of 70% of divorces were initiated by women here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?
why aren't people getting married anymore ?
a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition . Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .
If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married , so that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't , if you want to have just one partner , when you ?
can have multiple marriage is stupid welcome to the married af podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast in the world . We're your hosts , matthew and monica powers baby yep I love you I love you I'm gonna go ahead and preface this episode okay not with the typical hey , children , cover your ears , because that's usually what it's all about .
Not today , not this one . Go listen on previous . If that's what you're you're looking for today , don't get mad at me okay because I know this topic could fire you up a little bit okay it's not me . I didn't do this okay okay , can I ? Go ahead and get the .
Okay , hey , don't , don't get mad at me for this you are doing your best to say yes , but you're thinking nope , may not happen . All right , okay , because the topic today is something that's probably typically been countercultural as far as what the norm has typically been .
But the surprising reasons women are leaving their marriage okay women , here's a stat for you please tell me why this is gonna fire me up . Women are leaving their marriage . Okay , Women , here's a stat for you . Please tell me why this is going to fire me up . And you ? It's just not . I shouldn't be mad at you .
Just because I just don't shoot the messenger is all I'm saying .
Okay , so this is going to make me real mad .
It could fire you up a little bit . Okay , and see it in your beautiful eyes already . But the surprising women , surprising reasons women are leaving their marriages , because here's the latest stat out of 2024 .
Oh boy .
That of 70% of divorces were initiated by women 70% of all divorces in 2024 initiated by women . 70 of all divorces in 2024 initiated by women . That is completely against what we the norm has usually been really I believe the thought has usually been men are the ones who want to get out of the marriage .
Men are the ones who are going to initiate the divorce . That's that's typically been how it's looked at and that's what the stats have usually shown . Who are going to initiate the divorce ? That's typically been how it's looked at and that's what the stats have usually shown . Men are going to initiate the divorce .
But now culture's kind of shifted and we've seen this over the last 15 , 20 years . But culture's kind of shifted for women and women empowerment and there's a lot of great things that come out of that and I'm totally on board with a lot of that . But some of it has caused marriages to separate in a very , very bad way .
Some of it probably valid , some of it not so valid , if you ask me , but 70% of divorces are initiated by women . The belief is that men are usually the ones to end their marriages , and it kind of made me want to explore just a little bit deeper . So here's the thing .
I don't think that I'm shocked by that .
Really . Why is that ?
Because I would feel like , well , if they were stable in their marriage . They were stable in their marriage . Most men cheat on their wives I shouldn't say most men when it comes to divorce you better watch yourself woman . When it comes to divorce . Most women want the divorce because their spouse cheated on them .
Yes .
I could see that being a reason . Yes , I could see that being a reason , but is this statistic coming from just marriages that are men and women , or is this stat a everyone that's married ? Or are there lesbians , more lesbians leaving ?
who ? Baby listen , I'm , I'm , I'm over here on this and you just took this sucker to a whole different level . I'm so sorry listen , I um , I can't answer that question because I don't know .
I'm gonna say typical men and women divorce , because that's kind of where the direction of this goes because other people that are not men and women that are married they get .
There is something flying around in here again and it's driving me crazy it's our , it's our married af , it's our married af mascot to be a fly on the wall right , but it's common for same-sex marriages now , so do these statistics take in that too ? Because I know lesbians that have been married and they're now divorced .
So if that's the case , that number is going to go up , especially if it just says women are leaving their spouses .
You're not wrong . Let's just say for argument's sake for this context , it's from men and women . Ok , because , yes , typically men have been the ones to initiate the divorce and men have , in the past , were the ones who were the serial cheaters and the ones who are always cheating . That has shifted .
Initiate the divorce , and men have , in the past , were the ones who were the serial cheaters and the ones who are always cheating . That has shifted over the years .
Why .
Because now more women are cheating than men , and some of that is the old man's fault for not treating their wives the correct way , giving them the attention and the love and the respect and everything that they actually need . So I want to ask you this question have you ever had the thought to leave , leave Me . While married .
Yes , I mean , you've pissed me off a few times , but See , just to give you a safe space on that .
I fully believe you should have left me early on and kind of shocked that you're still here in some ways .
Prior to children .
Yep .
We both should have left each other .
Totally agree . I should have left you plenty of times . And dadgum , you should have left me plenty of times . And dad come , you should have left me plenty of times . But only through the grace of god . Are we still actually ?
here , even when we didn't know . It was the grace of god , oh yeah , we didn't believe it at all .
We just , I guess , figured it's probably just our own stupidity yeah easy to say and I believe that most married couples could probably at some point and say yeah , there was a moment that I was kind of maybe close at some point in time , but because of grace I didn't , which is great , because we all need a lot of grace a lot of the time .
But currently women 70 percent are initiating the divorces . So why is that I got ?
some reasons . You have reasons .
Oh , I have some reasons as to why this is happening .
Top three reasons that we see , please do not tell me One of the main reasons is because they want to have a divorce party , because you know that's a thing . Now , right , I know that's a thing that is not on here .
Oh , thank God . Okay , you can breathe , you can breathe just a little bit . Have a divorce party , because you know that's a thing . Now , right , I know that's a thing . Um , that is not on here oh , thank god okay , you can breathe . You can breathe just a little bit . That is not on here .
Number one reason as to why is emotional disconnection yikes emotional disconnection says . Over time , some women feel a growing emotional distance from their partner . This detachment can stem from a lack of meaningful communication or shared experience , shared experiences leading to feelings of isolation . This one , I totally see this .
This is a basic need for women is to have that type of connection and , unfortunately for men , we're too dense and too dumb sometimes to believe and see that .
Yes , but you also have to have communication to know that it's happening .
Totally .
So this is a BS excuse .
Why do you think that ?
it's selfish . It's as much his fault as it is yours , because how many times were there open lines of communication to tell him that you felt that way , truly , honestly , tell him .
Not while he's asleep and can't hear the words coming out of your mouth , not during a game that he's watching on TV and there's probably been times where women have said that and they've said that , knowing he's not going to pay any attention to her because one she doesn't care about the things that he cares about to watch with him .
And you probably told him in the moments where there was a big something and something happened . He's like , ah , and the response was not to you , it was to the TV , because the 18-year-old dropped the ball and you took it as he was talking to you .
That's a key point .
Now I'm also the type of person that's not going to believe everything that you tell me , like if I were a therapist which we're marriage counselor people , right , if I'm just have . If there is only one of the couple husband or wife it doesn't matter . If only one of them showed up and they poured their heart out to us about how they are treated .
And then they come back another time and spouses with the one that spilled out their heart .
They completely changed their tone , the things that are said , because that's just how they felt when their husband or wife wasn't around and they felt okay to say that in that safe space you should have a safer space with your spouse than you would any kind of marriage counselor , therapist anybody Friend family member , anybody , anybody .
I totally agree .
Because I believe , just because you told me that story , that your whole story is accurate . There's your story , there's his story , and then there's the truth .
Yes , and that's so important , especially when you're talking to a couple , or counseling a couple is when there's stuff going on . All right , you , wife , you need to get it all out on the table . Husband , keep your mouth shut , don't say a word . Wife , get out of here .
And we've had to do that before where , uh-uh , this is not your time , Like ps life and we've had to do that before we're ? Uh , this is not your time Like stop talking .
It is her turn . Everything laid all out . Let's hear every , every little thing that has gone on , everything you've seen , experience , felt valid , or all of it out on the table . Okay , great .
Emotions are real and people really feel what they feel .
Yes .
But that doesn't mean this person sitting next to you is the reason you feel that way .
No , and a lot of the times not . So it's wife . You get everything out . Possibly get it all out right now in the open . Let's lay it on the table . All right , you're done . Okay , wife , no speaking Husband go Lay everything out on the table , all of your feelings , all of the emotions , all the instances , everything that happened . Let's open up the table .
Let's lay everything out . Okay , you're both done . All right , now let's begin to pick up , piece by piece , and begin to put this back together , and that's all you're able going to do .
So I don't't . This is a stupid excuse don't love this excuse , huh .
Emotional disconnection , while real , I think , easily preventable and we'll get to that . Second reason is a lack of support . Many women shoulder a disproportionate amount of emotional labor and relationships . When their efforts go unrecognized or unreciprocated , it can lead to burnout and resentment .
Your thoughts
¶ [Ad] The Brief
I have never heard more selfish words than that right there .
Wow , true feeling True , you True feeling True you feel this way . Your feelings are valid , that you feel that way .
But I've been trying to take him to , we've been trying to do like marriage counseling , but he just won't go with me . So what am I supposed to do ? Just be in misery for the rest of my life ? Yeah , you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life , no matter what spouse you have , because that alone is . Those words are what I hear all the time .
I , I , me ,
¶ (Cont.) Is Your Marriage Silently Falling Apart?
I , I , we before me .
We've talked about it before I , I , we before me , we've talked about it before Always , we before me , now again , while the emotions are valid and they are real and this is how you feel and there are reasons for that , they have to be taken into consideration , but feelings are the worst decision makers . That we have Period , that we have period .
And I guarantee you , because these people are so selfish , they're only talking to people that are going to agree with them .
And not going to say shut up .
Beep Listen .
You are doing this , you are acting this way , you are being like this .
They don't want to hear the truth .
We typically don't want to surround ourselves with people who are going to challenge us and call us out on our BS , because we all have a lot of it . We need people who are going to call us out and say , well , I see your point , but that's not the truth . Here's truth and this is what you need to see .
We like to surround ourselves with people who are going to validate our feelings and validate us , and that's not not the way it needs to happen . So , emotional disconnection , lack of support . The third reason it's their personal growth . As individuals evolve , their needs and aspirations may change .
If a partner is unsupportive and dismissive of these changes , it creates a rift that feels insurmountable . So , not acknowledging and jumping on board with personal growth ? Now I'll say something before you dive in . I'm all for personal growth . We all should grow personally in every way possible . We want to be able to grow and move forward .
Totally on board with that . But we before me , our growth together , is far more important than any any desire that I have that . The old hated scripture in Ephesians women submit to your husbands most hated , probably the most hated scripture in Ephesians women submit to your husbands most hated , probably the most hated words in scripture .
But husbands love your wives , women . They're going to submit to your husband's leadership . Now , husbands , you have to be a man worth submitting to meaning . I'm giving up all my desires for my wife . What she wants comes above my own wants and needs . But this my own wants and needs , but this my own personal growth . I want this , I need this .
I aspire to be this . I want to succeed here . I want to achieve this and if you're not on board with me achieving that , done Thoughts , done .
Thoughts . I could not imagine living life that way , even in our BC life , before Christ life . Let me give you an example Back in 2011 , you and I have been married what Three years . Three years , maybe Three years Okay .
Before kids .
This was before kids . That year , the same month I was preparing to well , at the time we were both preparing to move back to Tampa because I was going to work for WWE .
WWE contract on the table ready to go and we were preparing for that , and that it was personal growth . You talk about personal growth and that was where I wanted to be .
That was the pinnacle of all of my career . That's where I wanted to be . That was a goal . I have hit just about every single goal . Okay , let's be honest , I have hit every goal that I have set myself up for . The contract there was . I knew I was going to WWE and that was exactly where I wanted my career to go Done . We were moving .
You knew that was my dream , trying to get transferred from the position you had with work when we were in Birmingham back to Tampa . So you would at least have a job Knowing we were going to move there and I would be gone 48 out of the 52 weeks of the year , not going to see each other . I'm going to be gone who knows where .
I would be traveling all over the world . But you were there because that's exactly what I wanted to do and it might have only lasted a year , but that it got there . The same freaking week , I get this exact hey , this is happening . Hey , this is happening . I'm going to work for WWE .
I just need to go to St Louis I guess it was something like that in a couple weeks to sign my contract . Blah , blah , blah . The same week , your father asked you to come work for the company that has been in the family for now three generations . This was your dream . Your dream was to own the family business one day .
You never really saw it happening , but the same week that I get my dream job , you are offered yours . And you didn't even want to tell me because we were in California , family reunion type of deal , 4th of July week , so many emotions , we're just having a blast . But you didn't tell me . But I overheard it and I said um , do we need to talk ?
Is there something you need to tell me ? And you didn't want to . And I said I already know and you're taking it . You said what do you mean ? I said because I'm calling right now to tell them I am not going to St Louis or wherever I was going . I'm not taking this contract , you are going to work for your family . You were like abso-freaking-lutely not .
You were doing what you wanted to . Because that's what you wanted , I said no . Well , back then it was FCcw , florida championship wrestling now and with the usos , right , that's how long I was in the business .
So fcw , which was a 25 000 contract or inherit , a multi-million dollar company that could go for the rest of our lives , compared to a career that could go for possibly a year , just depending on injuries . Cuts get made all the time over here . I said I'm done and you were completely against it and I said , absolutely not .
We are taking the better decision , and that was to take the business . It wasn't going to be ours for another 10 plus years , but it didn't matter , because that long-term outlasted what I wanted to . At that moment , I gave up what I considered a dream for me , for yours , because that was the smart thing to do . Did I make it ? Yeah , essentially I did .
I got to where I wanted to be . Did I become this famous wrestler ? No , do I care ? No , did I work for WWE a little bit ? Yeah , I did , but we still have a business . Am I wrestling anymore ? Nope , in the process , you're probably selfish enough to think well , I'm going after what I want . This was even to be seen .
We were not even thinking well , let's pray about it . What would God want us to do in these situations ? It was a hard . No , I am not wrestling anymore . You are going to work for your family .
I'm going to figure something else out . It was , it was totally that . And the crazy thing is is we are both . It was both a no . We're going after your dream . Never was it once a no . This is what I really want . I didn't say that to you , didn't say that to me . It was a no .
And you don't want to say help force the decision , but you help bring the decision into perspective .
And be like look , this is the rest of our lives . Let me bring in a more recent one 2021 . We outgrew our small group at our house . I said Matthew , it is time to write a book . And you finally went okay , fine , I'm going to write a book . Did you write a book ? It is 2025 . No , let me tell you , you did not write a book .
You came home with podcast equipment and said baby , starting a podcast ? I said we nothing . I told you to write a book and you said well , we're gonna do this instead . I have been hardcore against this podcast since day one yet here we are . Not once have I said no , I'm not doing that podcast .
Nope , because you've seen the fruit of that labor and the impact that it does have .
Obviously , this is what God wanted us to do .
For now , yeah , and we'll continue to do it until he says stop .
Absolutely .
It could happen tomorrow , it could happen 10 years from now , I don't know , but we're going to trust him .
Yes , Because statistics don't know but we're going to trust them . Yes , because statistics don't lie . No , no , they don't .
We might not be completely going hardcore on scripture on every single podcast , but we are putting biblical content into every single podcast , telling people how a marriage should be , what it should look like , and the bible is one thousand percent our manual and nobody seems to care to open it .
Obviously , if these women who were very interested in getting a divorce would know , this is not how I'm supposed to act .
No , it is . The Bible is the instruction manual . You want to know anything that's going on in your life ? The answer is there . You just got to look for it .
Sex , drugs and rock and roll . That is the Bible .
It is , every little bit of it is in there and if you just look for it you will find it . And I promise , we've lived through the experience , we've done it our way , our way , we've done it God's way , and , oh my goodness .
I will never go back to my way .
Never go back to my way , because we always fell short , felt good , maybe for a short amount of time , but we always fell short . So those top three reasons women are divorcing . So signs this could be happening really quickly and ways to prevent this .
Are these options for men to go ? Okay , this is happening and my wife's about to leave me because she's selfish .
I think this is both . Women especially should be able to recognize this . But men , if you're in tune at all , you should be able to recognize this too , to be able to hopefully open up that door .
Obviously , of course , withdrawal from communication , withdrawal , noticeable decline in meaningful conversations and emotional sharing , and I think that's the key to it , the meaningful part of conversations , where it gets back to the just let's lay out the list of the things that need to be done , great , let's move on , and that's it .
Second reason avoidance of physical intimacy . If you're avoiding it , there's different drives , obviously , but if you're just outright avoiding it , yeah , this is a sign that you're headed down this road , at least I . I totally agree with that .
Oh , I do too , headed down this road At least , I totally agree with that . Oh , I do too , because if you're not one , if you're not having sex , you're going to go have sex with somebody else and get it for somebody else somewhere else .
Does not make it right .
Does not make it right .
It is the wrong move , but it is the reality of the situation .
Right , okay , so couples that are not having sex in their marriage are not emotionally in tune with each other ? Because I don't care what you say , there's emotions and sex .
Yeah , I mean , there's always been this mindset that you can separate emotions and sex and it's just casual and it's just to feel good . It wasn't created that way . God created it for a certain specific way .
It wasn't created that way and we can lie to ourselves as much as we want to and say that there's no emotional connection , but that's not how it was created . And it exists and it's there . Whether we want to see it or not , or believe it or not , or even initially feel it or not , it's there .
It's always there , and when you do have sex with someone , you are tied to them forever .
I mean 50 cents has it completely wrong . He's only into having sex . He needed to make it love .
Well , there you go .
I know you have no idea what I'm talking about .
No , no , I don't At all .
It's a very popular song from our college years .
Well , that explains it all . Okay , but yes , avoid .
You can find him in the club .
I know that one .
That's the song , baby .
I also know that he threw out one of the worst first pitches ever in the history of first pitches , that's ever existed .
We just totally dissed on 50 Cent .
I did 50 Cent actually . He's incredible .
He's now a businessman , but that was when he first came out . He just needed to get his name out there and talk about stuff .
He's an incredible intelligent guy , very great businessman , has done some amazing things .
I mean yeah , things um .
I mean vitamin , water , listen if 50 cent if this gets to 50 cent , listen come see me , we can work on the arm and we can redeem that I would actually .
I would love nothing more to have a sit down with him , because the guy's got stories but man the guy has got so much wisdom that been through a lot people should probably listen to , but the song is wrong . The song is wrong , but you know it is what it is . There you avoid physical intimacy .
The third one I think this is huge Increased time apart where you find yourself where you'd rather spend time alone or doing things with other people and not sharing activities and experiences together .
More interested in hanging out with friends , going out with the girls , have a brunch , girls night , Then time with your spouse I mean , men are no different You'd rather go out with the boys and pound beers and watch the game .
I don't want the wife to nag me .
Yeah , I just I've said it millions of times , but I would rather go do something I don't enjoy with you than go do something that I do enjoy without you . I just do . I love spending time with you , so those are signs that could be happening .
This is also a reason why we do not have a chair .
No .
Or you have a chair . No .
Don't have a lazy boy .
Or your seat , that's just for you .
And even on the couches . We don't have a specific spot on the couch . It changes almost daily . Wherever one is , the other is doing our best to get next to them , unless our kids of course , oh , they just jack all the spots . They do , they do . So those are three ways this could be happening real quickly , three ways to prevent this .
Hey , shock , shocker prioritize open communication ?
no way . This is just . This is the topic of everything . Keep being number one .
Imagine that I don't know , but anyone who listens , especially um , consistently , you're noticing this constant theme and everything that we talk about Open communication , open communication . Maybe this is ringing a bell . Should I look at how we communicate ?
Ding , ding ding .
Maybe so , maybe not , but prioritize open communication , share responsibilities Equitably , dividing household and emotional labor to prevent resentment Now I know we talked about this earlier and dividing it up .
You look like you got a sneeze coming . I got this cough Clear that throat .
Oh , my goodness gracious .
It looks like you were struggling .
I was struggling , trying not to cough directly into the microphone . Sorry for people who are listening . That's going to be tough to try and edit out , but we'll get there . But back to it Divide up responsibilities . Now I don't love the idea to divide up . We'll do them together .
Yes , Now there are certain things that I won't do and you just don't do .
It's true .
Are you fighting that sneeze Really ?
That's not a sneeze , it is a cough . I just this is too much speaking today . Just too much speaking today . Tickle in my throat , but do this stuff together . You know I say all the time and no one ever wants to join me on this .
I don't understand why I fun but nobody in my house likes to party because we have clothes folding parties and I'm the only bloody person who shows up to the party yes , you are the kids avoid me . You avoid me . We walk out of the room , everything . Actually .
You'll come lay on the bed and I'll watch you , watch me fall close but I'm there with you and that's really all . And I'm Looking for my beautiful , but do things together . My grandmother always said many hands make light work , but do things together .
And the third one support the personal growth , because , again , it's important that we all grow , but grow together , be more focused , it's not about you . Be more focused to grow together . So it's important Recognize these signs . It's real , it exists . Stats don't lie , this is real , so recognize them . Go through the steps , ways to prevent this . Now .
These are reasons why women are leaving marriages and men might be thinking ha see , look at that . Don't think that you're not on the hook . Tune in next time , for reasons men are leaving marriages as well . That might make my blood boil too it might make your blood boil just a little bit .
So it goes both ways and our goal is just marriage is the greatest thing in the world . It is the absolute greatest gift , and I want people to be able to experience it the way that I have .
I want that too , because I get so irritated when I hear marriage is so much work . This is the easiest thing in the world for us .
It's how people will say find something that you love and you'll never work a day in your life .
Well , I ain't ever going to work .
That is this . I don't see it as work and I understand it takes work , but I hate to use the term work . I know you hate this word , but I like to use the word intentionality . You have to be in tune and you have to make the effort , because you can't just not make effort at all .
But this is the greatest thing that we will ever do and it is so much fun . Our best friend in the world I get to spend time .
I get to have a sleepover with my best friend every single night .
Yes , I get to have a sleepover every single night . I get to share any funny inside joke with my favorite person in the world . I get to laugh more than I could ever even imagine . I get to just be close to the person who makes me better in life . What is not to love about that ?
And what kind of work is that ?
It's not .
Maybe work is overused ? Yes , you have to put in a little effort , but if effort is work , you've never really had something you loved .
Find something you'll love and you'll never work a day in your life . Have that same attitude towards your marriage . I tell Cash a lot of the times , especially with sports and with baseball always control what you can control . But the two things you can control more than anything else is effort and attitude . Same is true in our marriage .
We can't control a whole lot , but we can control our effort and our attitude . And if we control those well , put everything into those two your marriage will hit heights that you never even thought were possible . So reasons women are divorcing men and leaving their marriages . Man , you're on the hook for the next episode after this one comes out .
Listen , if this resonates with you at all . We'd love to hear from you .
We'd love to hear these stories Maybe this was you and you were able to come out of it those success stories we want to hear more than anything else , because that is what helps drive community and for people to be able to have marriages and relationships the way God intended them to be .
And that's what this is all about being able to have a community of people together to help lift each other up and walk it out together . This is the most fun thing in the world that we get to do , and I want people to be able to experience it .
I agree .
Final thoughts .
I love you .
I love you so much . Time to go . Okay , god , we love you . We are so thankful for everything that you do . We're thankful for our marriage . I'm thankful for this woman you brought into my life .
God , I pray everyone is able to experience that it's all ordained by you , it's all created by you and I pray people are able to see that and just walk it out the way in which you created that . They'll look to you for answers , they'll look to you for guidance , for strengths , for wisdom .
Through it all that they will strictly look to you and if we can be an avenue and a conduit for people to do that , thank you , just thank you , for allowing us to do that . God , we love you . We look to you in Jesus name , amen .
Amen Play ball .