How Your Partner FEELS Love (Love Languages Explained)

here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?

why aren't people getting married anymore ?

a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition .

Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .

If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married , so that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .

Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast in the world . My name is Matthew Powers . Alongside the vicious , the vivacious , the vict oh , I screwed it up . The vicious , the vivacious , the voluptuous and soon to be victorious , formerly known as veronica , I won't do their vast , my beautiful wife , monica .

I hope kelly blake and chip sees this he's gonna be's going to be , like how could you screw that ? 12 years .

You've only heard it 7,833 times . How in the world could you screw that up ? Hey , you want to know an interesting fact about Veronica Fairchild .

No , I do not , but you're going to tell me anyways .

Most certainly Veronica Fairchild is the only woman I would cheat on you with . Is that not great people ? Uh , listening and watching right now are like what is their problem ? What is so funny ? What is he talking about ? Cheating on his wife ? For those of you who do not know , my beautiful wife had a very successful wrestling career professional wrestling .

I've been told if we had those shirts made , just said Married AF and underneath it mafia .

Yeah .

That it they would buy it .

People would buy it , all right . Well , there we go . There it is First t-shirt idea . If you have t-shirt ideas , I'd be interested to know what those may be . Veronica Fairchild . Oh , my God no we already had plenty of those .

Those sold out , thanks .

They did Uh , we've got , I can ship to you . I have an in with Veronica Fairchild , so if you want one Because you're cheating on your wife with her . Absolutely , I am . That's so dumb . Oh , it's so dumb , it's hilarious , is it not ?

Okay , can we please move ?

on . We can most certainly move on today , but before we do , thank you to our friends at Kingdom and Will Amazing company , great clothing . They got hats , t-shirts , sweatshirts , hoodies , the whole thing . Kingdom and Will great , faith-based Christian apparel much better than all the other guys out there . Go check them out .

I know practically everything about you .

You especially do now that I would cheat on you with Veronica Fairchild ? Now , yes , you most certainly do . But the reason I'm going to ask that question is because most spouses , I don't think , fully know or fully understand who their spouse truly is .

Where is George Mason University ?

Somewhere in the United States .

Oh , my God .

I've heard of it . They had a basketball team who did well years and years and years ago . That's about all I can remember about George Mason , but they also did a study . For me it most certainly is . That's it , but George Mason University this guy did a study that's their identifier . For me it most certainly is . That's it , but George Mason University .

No .

It's actually very rare that they match up together and that they are the exact same love language .

Like you got to take your top two .

I agree . I think top two is kind of where you the sweet spot that you can live in .

Like our number ones are not the same .

Our number ones are not even close to being the same at all . So the five love languages real quick , I'll kind of break down what each one of those are are words of affirmation , acts of service , which is yours , quality time , which is mine , gifts and physical touch . So those are it .

But five , and that kind of goes over the whole spectrum of what your love languages are going to look like . But it's so important to know what they are . Yes , because , like now I've also when you I'm glad we're going to break these down because I've heard people talk about their love languages and when they hear gifts they believe that the gifts one is .

They like giving people gifts all right , so let's start there . Let's start with gifts that's not it no um gifts are saying I my love language is give me stuff yes , give me my love yes , buy my love , show me , show me gifts , bring something home for me .

Yes , if you see something that you think , even just remotely the tiniest bit makes you think of me , you better buy it well , and there there's the key , I think , to gifts .

so gifts isn't even necessarily about the thing .

Showering me with gifts , gifts . That's not it .

No , and I would say , if we get the misunderstanding that it's about the gift and we begin to bring our spouse a gift every single day , like I said , showering with gifts , like , oh , I'm going to bring home flowers , I'm going to bring home chocolates , I'm going to bring home this and new clothes and a purse , and I'm going to bring , you know , all of this

And we're just going to get used to it and it's like , oh , here's another gift , here's another gift , here's another gift . The key to this is saying hey , I was thinking about you . Not that you are giving other people gifts , that's not it . People are thinking about you and buying you little knick knacks . Totally .

And that it could be that simple . It doesn't have to be a big , extravagant gift , it can simply be I'm bringing home your home a candy bar , and again , that's just communicating how I was thinking about you in this moment . And let's just be real . Everyone will appreciate that .

Is that why you said that cheese ? Yeah , you're just bringing his last cheesecake home because you didn't pot .

No , I was planning to bring cheesecake . All right , listen , they were out of cheesecake as well of crab cakes and these are the greatest food restaurant these are . This is the greatest crab cakes on the planet , and they're fantastic .

Maybe in Alabama .

I ordered four of the crab cakes to bring home to you and everything was done , waiting on the crab cakes , and the waitress comes out and says so I've got good news and bad news . And I wasn't the only one who ordered crab cakes to take home . And she said what do you want first ? I said give us the bad news first .

If you're ordering something , you don't care about what the price is .

I do . It could have been $1,000 a cake . I was bringing it home to you because I told you I'd bring you home crab cakes and I failed .

And cheesecake .

And that was a gift I was going to bring you . That failed . You did , but still and .

I'd wait until 10.30 .

You did .

I said are you kidding me right now ? I ordered the kids dinner and I didn't get myself anything because you should have been home by 9 o'clock . 10.30 rolls around . Hey baby , I'm home , wait what .

I got home at 10.30-ish . Now it's not like I just disappeared . I was texting you to let you know I didn't . I wasn't disappeared and off with old Veronica Fairchild at all , so don't you worry about that , oh my God . But yes , that was going to be a gift that I was going to bring home to you .

that's right can we stop talking about veronica fairchild ?

veronica fairchild show you're obsessed with her today I am so uh with gifts , like it's my lowest and but that doesn't mean I don't still appreciate it . Now is that going to be like oh my gosh , you got me again .

No , um , but I think I get you things all the time but I do think that we have a little bit .

Even if it's our lowest , it still means something to us yeah , like you surprised me with a gift the other day I most certainly did , and you appreciated that last week I should say it was last week for our anniversary and you well , you very much appreciated that it was definitely for our anniversary of . Of course it was , but yes , it just it communicates .

It is .

And words of affirmation are really simply just . It's encouragement , it's compliments , it's encouraging someone when they're down , it's letting them know hey , you're not alone in this . I'm with you . You've got this . I've got confidence in you . I've got you .

You know you can do this .

And there's ways to communicate words of affirmation in a positive tone and not a negative tone , like you know saying your wife puts on a dress . You're going out and saying you look amazing .

Don't wait for her to ask .

Don't wait for her to ask . It's out there beforehand saying , oh my gosh you look incredible .

in that dress you go in the bathroom or bedroom , wherever she's getting ready , and maybe she just slips that dress on or whatever outfit she might be wearing . Just stop and stare . Oh my goodness , you look absolutely incredible .

And that does something that's very helpful . That is words of affirmation compared to a negative way of saying you would look incredible in this dress .

You need to put this on . Because then the thought is well do I need to take that off ?

Do I not look incredible already . That's what's wrong with I'm currently , with what I'm currently wearing .

You tell me that Now you give me compliments all the time .

Even though it's your lowest . Yes , I do .

You do , and it's not bad that you give them to me , because I also think that our children need to see that . Give them to me because I also think that our children need to see that they need to hear you compliment me in those ways , because they're going to want to look for that in a spouse .

Totally agree .

But I tend not to respond , not because I'm not thankful . My brain does not necessarily know how to process compliments .

You struggle with taking a compliment .

Because I don't think I will . I'm grateful for the compliments , but in my mind I can be so much better . So when you tell me I'm okay and I'm good and dadgum , that dress looks incredible , my mind I'm okay and I'm good and dadgum , that dress looks incredible , my mind I'm thinking , well , I could have probably done some more crunches .

I think that's very common too , I think that's probably most people , and I think that especially I would say especially for ones where words of affirmation are high on the list is they do see a lot of the imperfections in themselves , that's why they might need those words . It hurts self-esteem and kind of the ability to continue and to move on .

Yeah , it is .

So explain . Acts of service to people . Number one acts of service .

Yeah , it is so explain acts of service to people If

Oh , my goodness . So you hear that , man ? If your wife's love language is acts of service , this is huge .

Yes .

Now , on the man side of this , and really anyone's side , don't do those things so your wife will have sex with you . It's not the proper , proper manner to go about it .

The amount of times that I've come home from a game , been at school all day and we've had a game and I don't get home until 930-ish . I just want to go home and do nothing .

I'm talking about a bedroom bro . If you want to do it .

If you want to do it , do something .

And for those of you who acts of service may be low down on your list and this is not a priority , it can be difficult , if your spouse is number one and this is number five for you for you to really be able to grasp what this truly means .

But what that also does makes you doing all those things for me , and that's what I want to do when I get home . That sets up for your number one .

My absolute number one , which we'll go to the next one , is quality time .

Yeah , so if I don't have to go make my dinner , it's already done and all we want to do is sit on the couch . That is how we get to your number one .

Totally , because if I didn't do those things and I didn't make her dinner or anything like that , you would come home , put your stuff away , you'd make your dinner , take the time to do that , and you just come sit on the couch and we'd watch it .

Well , go shopping with me at Joann's .

I'd rather go to Joann's and I don't hate a lot of things .

You hate the craft stores .

I despise the craft stores . I would almost rather have sandpaper , toilet paper than go spend time at the craft stores . However , I know that's something you enjoy and I would rather go do something that I don't like with you to spend time with you than do something that I like by myself .

There's so many times , even before we were married , we would just go . I just wanted to go shopping . You could care less . You were the kind of guy that goes in , you know what you're going to get and you leave Not me . Listen , I could get a full-on wardrobe .

I could go to the mall and get a full wardrobe in and out less than half an hour easy it's like all right , here's , here's seven pairs of pants done , here's shirts done , socks done , shoes done .

Quality .

It needs to be quality time , not you're sitting on the other edge of the couch with each other just doing this .

Texting each other .

You're sitting right next to other reels , that's not quality time at all words quality time is something like this sitting down , giving each other our undivided attention , looking each other in the eyes .

It is our , both of our number twos and physical touch .

That's why we're saying um our number ones don't match up is our , both of our number twos and physical touch , that's why I was saying um our number ones don't match up , but our twos do our twos definitely do physical touch . Um it's it's so important , especially for a married couple .

Um I even like the . I mean , if people watch they can't see . But it's just sitting here the way we sit . I literally just put my legs up on the couch . We've been playing footsie this whole time .

Absolutely . That's part of our physical touch , nobody's going to know that .

But that's our little physical touch .

No , we just like to be able to touch each other , and when ?

we're sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy . We're sitting right next to each other , we're touching .

In some way .

Yes , just our feet are together or I'm leaning on you , you're leaning towards me , you got your arm around me , or just put your hand on my leg , or something . That is as little as it has to be it's , it's that simple , and it's not . It's not a physical , physical touch , is we're to have sex all the time .

No , and I mean it can lead to that , sure , but that's not the idea of it . Like I mean , when we're just here and our feet are together , that's not saying , oh , let's wrap this thing up so we can get in the bedroom right now . That's not what this is for . This is another form of intimacy . Is what this is ?

That doesn't mean she goes around touching everybody now the ones that she absolutely does care about and loves . She will just come around and like hold out your hands , I can just hand hug just now . Yes , we , we do hand hugs , just like that and hug absolutely just to know .

Hey , I love you yeah hey , I'm thinking about you , and that's just here that's just how it's communicated and that's you know , if that's your spouse's love language , that is a must , and if it's not yours , get over yourself .

You're going to have to , you're going to have to do that , um but if it's not yours , let them be able to put their arm around you .

Initiate it , let them be able to initiate it and don't don't shove them off whenever that happens , because it does it just . It helps with the , it helps with the intimacy of your relationship , but it also it can . It gives you a feeling of safety .

Yes , that's a . That's a bigger word for it .

It gives a huge feeling of safety . I mean something . It seems simple , but especially if you've had , if you've had a rough day , or whatever it may be , sometimes just an extended hug , a hug that lasts longer than normal hugs should be , it can change everything .

I think I did that last night .

You did , but after about 10 seconds or so it's just like a calm comes over me . It's a big sigh of relief . It's just like I'm in my safe place .

It's like when we go to bed .

I'm with the person who has my back .

Because both of our . Second one is physical touch , when we , when we did sleep on a full-size bed , from going to from the full size to a king-size bed , it was not okay not initially no we were uh , where , where are you ?

find ? I can't find you .

Yeah , and now it's a hey , we're going to snuggle until we fall asleep . No-transcript , it's just how it is .

Yeah , but before we fall asleep , I mean we're , we're close , we're there , we're touching , because this is so , so important to us . So you know , as we kind of wrap up , just understanding , if you don't know your spouse's love language , go take the quiz .

Don't ask them .

No , don't ask them , Cause another thing .

another thing is they don't truly know until they take the quiz , but take the quiz every couple years because these do shift and they do change .

Mine haven't , but mine haven't either , but they do . We know people who . They have changed you know , as we grow , um , and as we kind of get older and we become more mature , they will shift a little bit .

Acts of service , physical touch , gifts , words of affirmation .

Quality time .

No .

Quality time than words of affirmation yeah , for you .

Acts of service physical touch , quality time .

Gifts . Words of affirmation .

Gifts , words of affirmation , yeah , yeah .

And mine's clearly quality time Physicalifts . Words of affirmation , words of affirmation yeah , yeah , and mine's clearly quality time , physical touch , physical touch , then I really don't know . I know gifts is last .

Words of affirmation , I think words of affirmation .

Words of affirmation , acts of service , because I think that's where our daughter gets it from . Probably so , because our son doesn't need it in her . No , not whatsoever cash .

You're having a good hair day .

He's like I don't know I was like , yeah , I don't have you seen this hair in the mirror . It looks good so understand the love languages . Go out , take the quiz , even if you took it , you know , a year or two ago . Go take it again and make sure this is something you do daily make sure your spouse knows your love languages .

Make sure you know your love languages yes , totally , and when it's not like they change daily . No , don't believe that .

No , they definitely don't change based off of your mood and how you're feeling Doesn't work like that .

So what was the survey Survey 53% . Am I making that number up ?

No , you're not making up that number . That'll be for another episode on another day . But to kind of tease that , because that will happen , there was a study that was done where 53% of people in serious relationships who are engaged or who are married 53% of those people have a constant question in their minds Is my relationship worth saving ?

I can tell you why , but that's for another episode .

That's for another episode .

Whatever the number was for this study , for this episode .

So make sure y'all listen over the next couple weeks , because that sucker's coming .

I'm already itching to say something , so you might as well pray us out .

Pray us out , get us out of here . God , we love you . We are so thankful for what you are doing . This belongs to you and we're thankful for the community that we have because of it . God , just make sure it reaches people who need it . This specific episode , I know , can speak to so many different people .

Amen Play ball .