¶ Is Marriage Overrated? Podcast Reflection
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?
why aren't people getting married anymore ?
a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .
Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .
If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life . Right , that's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage and relationship podcast on the planet . We're your hosts , Matthew and Monica Powers . Hey , beautiful .
Hey handsome .
You have some microphone issues today .
Yep , it's kind of .
Is it falling off ?
I think I got it .
Are you going to have to hold it ? No , no , you better not have to hold it , we will start over . You need your hands to be able to use your hands .
You do talk with my hands .
You do talk with your hands . Before we do get started , I want to thank everybody who listens , who watches People watch , people do watch , people do watch . Surprisingly enough , people do watch a little bit on the YouTube . But if you are those people , we want to thank you so much and it doesn't get lost on us that you have listened .
Hopefully you've stuck around . Hopefully you've found some value in what we're doing here . Maybe a couple of laughs every now and again too , but if you have found this useful or if you think this could be useful for someone else , we'd love for you to share it , subscribe , like it , download it just all of those things .
Leave a review , a comment , talk to us . Let us know if you have questions , because we have answers . Hopefully they're good answers . Hopefully they're helpful answers .
Might not be what you want to hear .
Because all we're really doing is just sharing what we've experienced and what we've done and what we've gone through . It's the reason , kind of this all started . So I wanted to ask you , before we kind of dive into a few things you know we've been doing this for a while .
We've just really recently , over the last few months , kind of gotten really serious about it what's something you enjoy about doing this ? Do you think people are finding value here ?
I know nothing about this podcast .
Not what I was wanting to hear .
I only know what the website shows me .
But do you think people find value here ?
I hope so , I hope so too , but do you think people ?
find value here . I hope so . I hope so too .
Otherwise I am wasting my time .
Yeah Well , and that's kind of you know . A few months ago we were on the verge of just saying is this even worth it anymore ? Like are we doing this for nothing ? Are we just wasting our time ? Does anyone get anything out of this ? Are people even listening ?
and then we started praying about it . Okay , god , where are we supposed to go ? What are we supposed to do ?
and we slap us in the face he did , and he kind of woke us up a little bit and roasted was like exactly what we got okay , if you don't think this is finding value , you know I'm not going to show you all my cards , but I'll show you just a little something of what kind of value this holds .
And it's once we really started praying about a couple weeks later we had the most downloads we've ever had in a week and it was like , okay , well , that's interesting . Okay , god , what , what are you doing with this ? Where is it going ? And it's just continued and continued and continued yeah , it's not .
When that happened . It was like 1,500 downloads for that week .
Yeah , which was a lot which is huge For us . We believe that's a ton , that's a lot of ears who are hearing this that we would have never been able to reach otherwise .
So when we started this , Since that email , though it has not gone down . I mean maybe 100 . It's fluctuated here and there but not to the point where we're like oh , we got 200 downloads this week .
Yeah , 18 people listened to this and that was it . And we've had a week or so off , but we're we're really trying to be diligent , trying to make sure that there's let's be honest that we keep doing this . I , I push more than you do you do all of it I do . I push this more than more than you do .
You're just a beautiful face that shows up and gives your your amazing opinions you know , maybe people are watching this because you're like I gotta see some more of her no , I gotta hear more of what she says they like your blue eyes . Maybe that's it that's why the people are watching . They like that blue eyes . Maybe that's it .
That's why the people are watching . They like that blue eyed camera . But do you think , like since the beginning , since we started this , that it would have ever gotten to this point ?
No , we started in what September of 2021? .
Yes , and it was .
Because of a car wreck . Well , not even necessarily , because I couldn't go into all the movie stuff anymore . Well , that was part of it , but we , we started this small group we started this as a small group yeah in our church thinking , man , I just hope someone shows up .
And we did , and the first round was pretty good and people showed up and more people showed up and we're like , okay , well , maybe there's a little value for the church and for some of the people in our lives . Sure , we'll do it again .
And then that second go around we had overflowing out of our house where there was not enough room for people to get here nope , there was no room for people we had to have someone literally bring chairs from church because people didn't have room no , there were over 30 couples in our living room there were .
There were 30 plus couples in our living room , which equates to over 60 people , and it's like , okay , this is this is too much it's um , you know , people sitting on the floor sit behind each other just wherever they could , and this idea of a podcast was brought up .
Well , that's kind of crazy trying to do . Go live on facebook .
We went on facebook live and had 100 or so people watching there and had someone monitoring that . For us it's like all right . Well , this is kind of wild and this is crazy you know why why are people ?
who are we ?
exactly who are we to give anything to ? Anybody ? We're just doing the best that we can . But god uses the most unlikely in very strange ways , because we look at where we were .
We were the worst of the worst , and that was kind of the reason we wanted to talk about marriage because , like , hey , if , if anyone , if we made it man , there's hope for anyone like I don't care what you've gone through and have zero problems yeah , I don't care who's done what to who , I don't care what's been said , I don't care what happened if we made
it . Man , there's hope for all of us and man , I'm just grateful for where it has gone .
We started what 2021 .
Started in 2021 .
Maybe I didn't expect to keep going after 2021 .
No , I didn't either .
At all .
No , we did . We did a handful of shows or episodes or whatever we want to call them , and it's like , okay , well , that was , that was cool . We sporadically do one here , do one there , and it's like , is this even worth it ?
Um , and we slowly started doing more and more people started listening and then , you know , we hit that crossroads of yeah , I don't think god , this , this , this ain't for us . And boy has he shown up and showed out and very interested to see what he may do with it next .
So hopefully , people find I think we know where it's going next .
I think we do too . We're not going to get there just yet . Until we know for sure , you're not going to do it ?
Oh , we don't , we know for sure .
We just don't have it in writing or I will say this Hopefully soon we will , and when that time comes , I think it's sooner than later . When that time comes , we will definitely announce what is to come and what is going to happen .
Are you just doing a cliffhanger right there to make people keep listening ?
Maybe , so , maybe so , but once things are official , drop the bomb on them we will drop the bomb we will make announcements , we will do the bomb , we will make announcements , we will do all of that .
But we've been so heavily focused on marriage because we love it so much , because I love you so much , I love you and I want people to be able to experience what we have and have a marriage like ours .
So , the people who are not yet married because there are those out there who listen to this Really , who are not married , who are looking for love , who are looking for that someone , who are looking for marriage , and the way that we've been able to do it , um , I think can be a good path for for some people , for us , to be able to say hey , we went
through this and we acted this way and we walked through this and we said this and this happened . Here are some of the ways that you cannot make those types of mistakes to be much further ahead than where we were , especially that early on in our relationship .
So , for someone who is single , someone who is looking for someone , someone who has maybe thought they had someone and had their heart broken , what are things in your eyes if you could go back , if you had , if you , if you were doctor , if you had Doc Brown's DeLorean , if you're Marty McFly and he said Monica , here's the time machine , you can go back .
And I know we've kind of talked about it before and like I wouldn't listen to my younger self .
But if you could let's say you just did if you could go back and change things or look in different directions or handle things differently , what's something or some things you would give to those people who are searching for this , who are searching for a good , strong , passionate marriage ?
¶ Life Changing Moment
Jesus .
It's that simple . It's that simple . Jesus , it's that simple .
It's that simple Because I know where I was and all the horrible , nasty things I was doing to not just our relationship but friends , family and then me with Jesus . It's a whole different ballgame . I will never play a ballgame without Jesus . I don't care what anybody says , I don't care that .
Back here in this life I was completely against it , said I did not believe , didn't want anybody praying for me . That was a waste of time . And don't you dare tell me if I have kids that I need to bring them up in church . That was me . Den was a waste of time . And don't you dare tell me if I have kids that I need to bring them up in church .
That was me . Deny , deny , deny , Non-believer . Don't care , but I grew up in church . I knew all the things and maybe I was forced and I just rebelled . Maybe that was a lot to do with it , but when I seriously had a full on relationship with Jesus , that changed our relationship .
It did . So let me ask you this what do you think was that turning point ? As in what was it that was like I have to go all in on this whole Jesus thing ?
holding someone at gunpoint because they grabbed my baby that was the moment . I hid in the closet once I got in the apartment , once we finally got into the apartment , because he would not back off . He did not . He grabbed Cash who was seven months old , six months old he was six months old Grabbed him and I felt horrible .
That day I didn't even go to work . You were not able to get cash from daycare that day . So it was like , fine , I can just go get him , I can get enough energy to get up , go get him and come back home . Daycare was 10 minutes from where we lived , walked down the stairs , our apartment's to the left , to the right . It's just a long hall .
The first day I do not look right . I have Cashman in this little bucket seat in my left arm , a bottle of or a bag of bottles on my right shoulder and for some reason that day I just felt like I needed to take my handgun with me . And I'm opening the door to see , out of my peripheral vision , a hand going after my child .
Swing around , some man I've never seen before . He's crazy looking . You can tell he's on something . I tell him to get back , get away . He gets even closer . I turned to put cash between the door and me so he can't grab him again . And he comes and I just get the gun . I have a gun gun , I have a gun and I just held it up .
He literally goes Ooh , I put my finger on the trigger . That got me enough time for him to take a few steps back to get in the apartment to get cash inside , but he's still trying to push the door . Why somebody is such an idiot trying to push down a door with a woman who has got a gun pointing at you , I will never know .
But I knew that day I was going to have to kill somebody . I hid cash in the closet and I put a blanket over his little bucket seat because I said I don't want my six month old seeing his mother kill somebody , because that was going to happen . That day I didn't even have my phone . I had to find my phone in the apartment to call 911 .
I sat in the closet with my gun pointed to the door , talking to 911 , and I started praying that I wouldn't have to kill somebody in front of my kid . They got him , took him in . We could never get in touch with you and you pull up to a crazy scene with cops , a guy in handcuffs and me bawling my eyes out on the couch . Cash is asleep .
He has no idea , he has no recollection . Of course he's six months old , but no knowledge of it . I said we're not staying here anymore , we are leaving , of course . We went and stayed with your parents . I said we're not staying here anymore , we are leaving . Of course . We went and stayed with your parents .
I was freaked out forever walking to that apartment and I said we got to do something . We got to find a place . We need to get out of this apartment . We need our own place . So we started looking for houses . We need our own place . So we started looking for houses .
We were in , we found the perfect house for us and we were in a battle with our first house . We were in a battle with four other couples and I remember I think we're at walmart , probably getting formula or something .
We were bye-bye baby . I remember exactly where we were .
And we said we have to get this house . And we stood there and looked at each other and said listen , if we get this house , it's because God wants us to have this house . Not going to church , not doing anything . But this is like a week or two later from the gunpoint .
And one big thing about understanding this when you say , if God wants us to have this house , we will , and he knows the situation , and a lot of people would say , oh well , you know , we weren't the highest bid .
We were not . We were not even the second highest . I really think we came in last . But before we even knew that , we looked at each other at Bye Bye Baby and said we have . At each other at Bye Bye Baby , and said we have to get our lives right . We are going back to church . We got a call within hours of us saying it . We said it out loud .
Cash was in his little bucket seat , in the back of the little buggy and we are looking at each other hardcore , dead in the face . We got to go back to church . We have got to find a church .
And it was you know from then because we had . You know you grew up in church , I didn't , but in high school we both were going with my aunt and uncle and we gave our lives to Jesus . There we understood it , we fell in love with Jesus but didn't fully grasp everything . We were baptized but we just didn't fully grasp what that intimate relationship was .
And , as people do sometimes , we went to college . Went to college and just kind of fell away , not saying we intended for it to happen , we didn't want it to happen . But it was just one of those things where , if you're not intentional about it and you're not constantly present and you're not constantly seeking the Lord , it's easy to just slowly fade away .
And that's to the point where we were and not saying we were ever punished for getting further away stray from the church , but it's more of . it's just like any relationship . It's like you and I if I just spend less time with you and I'm a less intentional and I'm not chasing after you , the relationship's just going to find distance .
The same thing happened with us , with our relationship with Jesus . It was there and we knew the importance of it , but , man , it was just a little easier to do things this way .
We were super selfish .
We were very selfish and we thought that's what it was supposed to be .
But we made those wrong decisions . Sex , drugs , alcohol thought that's what it was supposed to be , but I remember we had . We made those wrong decisions . Sex , drugs , alcohol all of those things were involved in every single , every single situation that we got ourselves into .
That we shouldn't have , but the day we were in a battle with three other couples for a house that we didn't know if we could really hardcore afford it . It looked good on paper . We checked all the boxes . We were not the people who should have gotten that house , people who should have gotten that house .
But because of god and our promise that we made to him , we got that house within hours we did and I can remember , you know , at the kind of the final walk through , the couple was we were there early , they were there getting ready to leave and we talked to them and we just asked them they're telling us about the house , they're showing us all the things
and you know what they have done . And then you know , hey , where everything was and this is what . And hey , this , we're leaving , this , we're doing this , we're doing all that and it was brought up you know how . You know , we weren't the highest bid and their response was we just felt you were the ones who needed this house .
And then it's like , okay , what are you doing to us , god , this ? was something way beyond our control and it was just like it was that little nudge , because we're at that crossroads and we said , okay , we gotta you know , something's gotta give , something's gotta change , and you know , god doesn't always reveal the whole plan .
But he was saying , okay , you guys need a little something , so I'm gonna show it , follow through . And bam , there we are we found cultivate within oh , we tried several places well , actually we went to cultivate we did with my aunt uncle , and then they moved , yep , and we were still in that mentality of you know , well , you know , it's just not .
You know , we don't know anyone there . So we're gonna go to uncle . And then they moved and we were still in that mentality of , well , it's just not , we don't know anyone there . So we're going to go to another one where we know somebody , just wasn't it for us .
And we're going to go back to your aunt's church , which is great , but it's an older church and it's just no kids , zero kids at the church at that time . Just didn't feel connected at all . And man , zero kids at the church at that time , just didn't feel connected at all . And man , we are so craving
¶ Rediscovering Faith Through Cultivate Church
more . And I can remember one sunday morning we're getting ready to go to church and I'm like do we have , you know , do we have to do this again today ? And you said , said well , let's try to cultivate again . What time do ? They said , sure enough .
It's like okay , well , let's get an hour to get ready and they made sure my biggest thing was they say that you're going to get out in an hour . I said I'm timing them .
And you did Well , and we did that from the get-go , when they're at the high school and with my aunt and uncle , and they did , but we same thing .
We're out in an hour . That's perfect , let's go . And I remember pulling in , walking through the doors and been there for years . We see Sanchez .
Yep , and it was just this , this , this piece . They just kind of fell on us and , you know , everything was just like man nothing had missed a beat , and it felt like home and it was like okay , and then just God did things .
¶ [Ad] The Brief
And then we got pregnant again . I got put on bed rest . It was a horrible pregnancy . In and out of the hospital we weren't really connected to people at church . So we I needed to work , so I just kind of sat at the desk .
I was still working at the hospital slowly will your way to work home and I literally had to do nothing so we wouldn't have a baby coming sooner than supposed to right .
¶ (Cont.) Rediscovering Faith Through Cultivate Church
So during the week at lunch I just sat in the break room because I couldn't go and do anything and a doctor that we shared the suite with had a temporary employee and she liked to sit in the lunch area with me . I hated it . I didn't want to talk to anybody . I had to answer her questions . She wanted to know where I was it .
I didn't want to talk to anybody , I had to answer her questions . She wanted to know where I was from . And when I told her , alabaster , she goes . Oh , my daughter and son-in-law opened a church there not too long ago . I was like , okay , cool , she goes . It's called Cultivate . Have you heard of it ? I said you said what ?
Yep , We'd been removed from church about eight months at this time Maybe .
Give or take .
Because of the pregnancy . I said yeah , she goes . You know the church . I said yeah , we kind of go , but because of bed rest we're not right now she goes . Oh okay . I said which one is yours ? They're both named Brandon and she said he's the heavier one .
Yep , she did .
I said in my head . I said I know exactly who your daughter is . I run from her . I didn't want to say that out loud , but I did . I completely could not stand . I didn't know . It's not that I didn't like her , it's I did not want to be .
I didn't want to have people that I liked at church , because I always , always had bad experiences with church when you got more involved .
Well , and it was like working at Disney World .
I don't ever want to work at Disney World because I don't want to know all the bad things that actually happen .
You know you don't want to see how the sausage gets made .
Exactly .
And there had been hurt in the past . You get involved and then these things happen and then you get used and then people aren't there for you and people really don't care . And you know the church gets a bad rap for that and Jesus gets a bad rap for that and we forget that it's people . You know it's people . People . We mess it up .
Every single time . So after Elkie's born I don't remember how old she was we started going back to church . I think she was very , very young , because she was just a few months old we didn't know at the time if your number flashed on the screen that you had to come get your child they won't stop crying .
I wonder what that number ? What's that all about ? Oh well , who cares ? Yeah , we didn't know that we flashed your number 30's .
what's that all about ? Oh well , who cares ? Yeah , we didn't know that . We flashed your number 30 minutes ago . What's that mean ? But it was just another little God wink . Hey , I did all this for you .
Don't forget me .
Don't forget .
And almost of a hey , don't forget me , but man there's so what you said you would do . It was almost more of a you know , don't forget me , but there's so much more to this than this . You thought that was good . You haven't seen anything yet . Just trust me .
She was born in 2014 . I want to say she was at least three , four months old , because she was still in the infant room .
She was .
Because I remember 2015 is when we went through Roots .
Yeah , that's when we eventually Got plugged in , really got plugged in .
But before we did Roots no , we'd already done Roots we just wanted to serve . We're not necessarily getting to know people .
Not fully .
At all . We just would serve .
2016 is when we started getting more involved with people 2016 is when we were both feet all in All on . We gave it all . We had those spots Even from the very beginning , before Cultivate . We gave just know we , we had those spots and even from the very beginning before cultivate , and we , we got to .
We gave just little parts of our lives like , all right , jesus , I'm gonna give my , I want to spend time , I want to go to heaven , so I'm gonna do . I'm gonna do those steps to make sure I do that . But it wasn't really until cultivate . We learned through their community is healing it's . It's a whole lot more than just going to heaven .
There's a whole lot more to it than just that .
My good deeds are not just going to get me there .
No , no , and you're right . Salvation is through Jesus , but healing and we needed healing comes from community and comes from people , and it was such a breath of fresh air to see these people who were around our age no different outside , just like us the same people we saw at church for the same people we'd see anywhere else .
They were genuine with how they led their lives and they were easy to admit . Like
¶ Finding Healing and Hope Through Community
we , we don't have it all together . We're doing the best we can and we need each other to be able to get through this . I need you and you need me . And , man , how thankful are we that they took a chance on us .
Right , the girl that I ran from because she would always comment on my shoes . She just wanted to have a conversation just to spark something . May of 2023 , we find out through DNA that we're third cousins .
Yeah , and actually even before that , she became one of the closest people in your life .
Yeah , I mean we've been doing , yeah , like 2019 . 2018 is when it got real serious , when we were doing a lot of things together . I mean now we vacation together all the time . It's true , our kids were best friends before we even knew we were really family . Of course you know you hear all the time brother and sister .
Yes , we're all brother and sisters in Christ . But you don't necessarily get to pick your family . But if I were to pick family , they would be it .
You're right , you got to pick them .
I got to pick them and then , technically , blood put us together as well . It's kind of crazy it is so that was , that was the turning point .
Wow . So you know who would have thought an easy little question of what ? What do single people need to do that are looking for love and to find that person ? You answered Jesus and man . We walked through kind of our whole whole timeline of everything and it's been an incredible ride and I can't wait to see what he does next .
And so , not just for single people but for all people , Jesus is the only way . There's no other way and I know there's a lot of skeptics , there's a lot of people who don't understand , who thinks it's just made up stories .
But it's the greatest story ever told and when you experience it , when you truly experience Jesus and who he is , the love that he offers , the hope he offers , the peace he offers , you'll wonder yourself what was I doing this whole time ? How did I miss out on this whole time ?
I wish I could have told my younger self that . Yeah , I wish I'd have known about this sooner .
It changes , it completely changes everything , and it's so hard to explain because that amount of goodness and that amount of love , it cannot be expressed with words , nope , you have to be able to experience .
We can only say so much in the difference it's had for us and for anyone who doesn't believe will think we're crazy and doesn't make sense and it's not going to make sense .
But it is real and it is life-changing and it's the greatest decision we ever made , not just for our marriage marriage but for us as individuals business , friendships , our children , our family members just the , the , the overall craziness that is in the world and that I'm able to walk around and you are too with the amount of hope and peace that we have , and
when we look out at the world and it's , it's absolutely crazy . Things are and we say all that . I don't know if there's ever been a time like this . We'll go back and read through the bible . It's been , it's been way worse but there are some things there .
It's like man , this is , this is awful , but I'm still able to walk around with so much peace and so much hope because I know that the savior of the world is on my side and he won , and all the stuff we're worried about now won't be here , but he's what lasts forever and stands the test of time .
I want to have that eternal life of peace and happiness , where there's no more pain or suffering .
I want to wear Air Jordan high heels every single day and your feet not hurt , and if anyone can do it , god can do it Absolutely .
He said ask and you shall receive . So that's what I'd like to have in heaven .
So , God , if that's according to your will , you know what she wants , and that's another thing that's hard for people to understand . That it's not about what we want . We can ask and we will receive , as long as it's what he wants for us .
And I can promise you the things that you think that you want , the things that you think that are going to be the best . The plan that you have that you think is going to be amazing is so much better .
You haven't seen nothing yet .
Not at all . Well , we got to go .
Okay .
Find Jesus .
Find Jesus people .
If you need people to talk to , if you want to talk to us about it , reach out . I'll talk to you until we're blue in the face about it . It will change everything . God , we love you so much and we are so thankful for everything that you do .
¶ Finding Faith Through Divine Will
Anyone who is listening to this , God , I pray you make it reach the ears that it needs to .
I pray that people will find you that will give their life to Jesus , that will just simply turn away from everything that they've done , just ask for forgiveness of their sin because sin is just what separates us from you and I just pray people will be reconciled back to you the way in which you designed , the way in which you wanted it , and they can just
experience the love that you have for us . And God , if we have opportunities to do that for someone , I pray you give them to us and we'll be happy to do that for you . We love you and we thank you in Jesus name , Amen .
Amen Play ball .