¶ Is Marriage Overrated? Married AF Podcast
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ? Why aren't people getting married anymore ?
a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition . Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .
If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want ?
to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage ?
is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast in the world . My name is Matthew Powers . Alongside my beautiful wife Monica , we are your host for the show . Baby , how you doing .
Okay .
Just okay .
Yeah .
Could you sound a little more enthused ? Woo-hoo , woo-hoo , yeah , boy , if you didn't want to listen , now you most certainly do . It's been a while since we have done this , but we are back . You're a year older since the last time we recorded An amazing 29 years young .
We got back from our trip from Hawaii where we swam with sharks a tiger shark , all sorts of other sharks , a barracuda . It was unbelievable . We are back for the show . Everybody welcome . Thank you , who listened , who download , who watch , who subscribe , who leave reviews , comments , all of the things . Thank you , thank you , thank you . We greatly appreciate it .
It just helps people find the show . So if it's been a beneficial to you at all , share it with other people . Let them know . If your spouse is not listening , shame on them and shame on you . Share it with them . Y'all listen together , talk together about all of that , because this is the Lord's and if he wants to take it somewhere , it belongs to him .
So , baby , are you ready to get into this fun little card game that we stumbled across ?
You stumbled across .
You stumbled across , I stumbled across , I thought it was a great idea .
I like it .
And we kind of read through all of the cards last weekend and picked out the ones that we felt were more appropriate for this . Uh , cause there are definitely some that were not for this . This is not that type of show . No , uh , you got to pay high money for that and it ain't going to come from us Some people get it for free .
Some people do get it for free , but thank you , thank you . Thank you for everyone who's listening . We could not do this without our friends kingdomandwillcom . Go check them out . Great clothes , soft clothes .
Very , very soft .
Yes , you wore one just the other day .
Yes , I love mine .
And it's unbelievable clothing . Go check them out . Kingdomandwillcom . Use promo code MARRIEDAF 15% off . Not your first order , but your second , your third , your fourth , your fifth , all of the orders Kingdomandwillcom . Use promo code MARRIEDAF .
So , before we dive into this , is there anything you want to get off your chest , any thoughts , anything you want to talk about before we dive into deeper questions ?
Is there something I need to say that I don't remember right now ?
No , not to my knowledge . I was just going to ask you hey , do you want to throw anything out there before we get started on this sucker ? I guess not . I'm going to pick the first card up .
Okay .
And read it to you I really don't know what we're doing .
Besides , there's cards on this listen . We're just gonna pick cards .
We're gonna read them and we gotta answer some questions , because I think it'd be good for couples to do the exact same thing . Absolutely , let's talk , let's , let's get into things , not just the typical communication how was your day ? Oh , it was fine . How was your day ? It was okay , and let that be it . What's for dinner tonight ?
What do the kids' activities have to be ? Because when we did this , I mean we went for hours and hours and hours .
And we didn't realize what time it was .
No , we went until like 2 am . It was 2 am before we realized like holy smokes and some of these questions were really dumb Like no , we're not going to answer that , but we ask ourselves a lot of these questions .
Some of them didn't make the cut , but these were the ones that we said no , we need to save those .
Yes , and they were the ones that were hey , this could open up some really good conversation for people . So take notes , there's a lot of them . We will not hit all of these today , I can guarantee it .
So you're asking me the question . Yes .
Yes .
And I have to answer , oh absolutely . You have to answer , or just me .
Either We'll just , we'll decide as we go . Listen , there's no , there's no set script for this . So number one what's your favorite memory of us together ? There's so many , there are , but what is your number one ?
Wow , why did you have to hit me with that one ? Wow , why did you have to hit me with that one , the first one I didn't have to do anything .
It's fate had it .
I just picked the card up and that's what happened . This light behind me is really on my nerves .
Yeah , you're like stalling I'm glowing because of this light behind me you are glowing . It is not pregnant . No , it's impossible , it can't happen . Favorite memory of us together .
I don't know how can I have just one ?
All right . Well , what's one of your say top 75 ?
Our first date .
Why .
Because I was the homecoming queen for your grade or whatever . I was a sophomore , you were a junior , you didn't have your license yet , so we had to ride with a friend .
Yes , we did .
And it's my turn to get dropped off at home . And you held my hand that night , but you were such a gentleman in the car I just leaned up to tell the person who was driving I'm trying to . Was it ben loftus ?
maybe I don't remember who was driving I think it was ben maybe anyways this is 1999 a long time ago and when I lean up , I'm just giving him directions on which way to go , instead of because we didn't have gps or phones . No gps , matt was just a thing yeah , you had to print those out beforehand , right ?
so I just remember leaning up the whole time to tell him which way to turn and you just had your hand on my back and I was he's touching my back oh it was just so sweet and you didn't even kiss me that night I wanted to so badly , but I didn't , you didn't , I didn't happened a day later , but still , I was on a day later it was the next day .
Yeah , that was a friday night , it was Saturday .
That was . We went to homecoming on Friday .
Yes , homecoming was completely different than compared to what it was now . True , you had the homecoming court , you went to the game , you went out to eat , you did the dance and it was over after that . That is right . So , yeah , the very next day , all in one day , remember us together . I like it . Pick a card , that's very sweet . Any card .
Are you not going to answer that ? Oh , I will answer what is it ?
That's definitely one of them . I think back to when we lived in Tampa and it was Christmas Day and it was just us .
I know what you're going to say .
Yes , and it was just us . You know , family was here in Alabama , we were in Tampa , we had to work like the day before and the next day , so it wasn't , we weren't coming home or anything like that . So we stayed and it was horrible weather I mean tornadoes , torrential rain , everything .
But we woke up on Christmas day and we woke up early and it's not like we really celebrated oh , here's all the gifts and here's this . We just woke up . It's almost like a normal day . So we decided , hey , let's go to Disney , because Disney is only about 45 minutes or so away .
We did that every weekend and we went in the torrential rain , tornadoes everywhere and we were one of maybe like 500,000 people in the whole park and it was unbelievable and it was just us and I mean we ran , we hid inside one ride I don't remember what it was because of a tornado warning . And it's a great memory because it's so crazy , it was just us .
It's something only you and I could share together and it's just a great memory .
We were like Peppa Pig , running and jumping in puddles .
We were soaking wet . We had the ponchos on .
And every time the tornadoes , the warnings would go off , they would put us in the buildings and we would shiver .
Yes , because you were soaking wet and it was freezing cold in those buildings . It was such a cool thing that you don't get to experience very often . So it was an awesome little Christmas . Just us and rain and Disney World Yep , doesn't get much better .
It was fun . It was fun . What's next ? Okay , I gotta get a rain run .
What's it gonna be ? What's ?
it gonna be , this is a really good one . Oh boy , what are the three most important traits you look for in a partner ?
Oh , the most important traits . The most important . You know , I think it may shift a little bit over time , but initially and it's not number one , these aren't necessarily in any particular order I think you have to be attracted to that person .
Well , obviously .
You clearly do . I think physical attraction is important because when you're looking for someone , you shouldn't be just looking for a date . I mean , I think it's someone you need to look long term for . I mean , it's the reason that we .
So you're saying , don't look for money .
Don't look for money .
Somebody and see , I think .
I think if a significant trait is money , that should be way down on the list . I should have nothing to do with it . But I think attractiveness is something that does matter and something that you need to make sure you're physically attracted to , because we have physical needs that have to be met .
Um , as we get older , I think , uh one , can you just hold a conversation ?
that can we just , can we have just ?
a conversation , not without having to have your phone in your hand totally or watch tv you know I I look at it almost uh with , like the layover test . You know , if you're stuck at a layover with somebody , is this someone you would want to be stuck at a layover in an airport with ?
Is it someone who is just boring , can't hold a conversation , can't really think for themselves ?
But if it's someone that you can get into a conversation with and it doesn't have to be anything in particular , but just a conversation where we can talk for hours about no particular subject I think that is a high quality and something that you're definitely looking for . I like that .
One other thing that I look for in other people is or you know , for a significant other , not other people . Whoopsie , we got to cut that .
Would be Whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa . Well , I think what you looking for .
Powers . I do look for this in potential employees , how they speak of friends , family . But in a relationship , how do they speak of past boyfriends or girlfriends ?
Well , if you don't have any .
If you don't have any , you don't have any .
The likelihood of that is rare , I guess now , yeah , but this said , what are the three most important traits you look for in a spouse ? Not how you interview your employees .
You know what . You're absolutely right . Can they hold a conversation ? I think loyalty is a big one for me . Are they loyal ? Will they always be by your side , through the ins , through the outs , the ups , the downs , because it's not always sunshine and rainbows at all . Attractiveness is important , um , also , can they ? Are they somewhat independent ?
Can they think for themselves ? Can they do things for themselves ? Not saying to , we need to be completely independent people from each other and do our own thing . But just to know , especially to go go along with the loyalty side of things is when I'm at my 1% , can they actually carry the 99 ?
But those are things that people don't think about .
No , they don't . And you realize that when you , when you pick it up , um and after time , you realize that those are the things that are more important . But for me now , those are the things that are more important , but for me now , those are really , really important things .
So if I were to die today , the three things that you were going to look for in a person are they hot ? No Are they loyal and can they think for themselves ? Because if they can't think for themselves , then we can't talk or have nothing to talk about .
Can they have a conversation over hot ? Are they hot ?
Well , you said attractiveness , they have a conversation over hot .
Are they hot ? Well , you said attractiveness , it matters , it's important .
What about you ? What are your three ? Well , yeah , they , they gotta be my flavor and what is your flavor ? I have a type of guy you definitely have a time . I have a time big , bald , beautiful three b's I like them big , I like them bold .
I'm glad you didn't say the other part of what that song actually is . What else ?
Big ball . It's beautiful . I think of Hairspray .
now , of course you do when they do big blonde Mommy's movie .
Yeah , that's what the kids say . I agree with the communication . If I'm having to have a conversation with someone and they cannot look me in the eye because they're too busy looking at their phone , or somebody else that's walking by because they're distracted , because what I'm saying is not engaging enough or not exciting enough for them , what's the point ?
Are you ?
ever going to be good enough , and they have to be honest .
Oh , big one , yeah , totally Period . Have to be honest .
Because once you lie , I'm done with you .
Yeah , it's tough to overcome that one . All right , next for you , we'll just go . We're going to go right here . Ooh , all right , I feel like .
I'm on a pageant and I'm getting my interview .
Question on stage you have 60 seconds .
¶ Strengths of Our Transparent Relationship
What are our strengths as a couple ?
Uh open communication period .
Non-judgmental .
Zero secrets .
Yep .
We tell each other everything .
We tell each other everything , each other everything .
we have full access to each other's lives , to all the passwords , all the everything and trust total trust I have zero doubts if I'm gone for a length of time , like if , like , I have a girl's trip coming up anyways so I'll be gone from friday to what tuesday or something .
I have zero doubts that you're not going to be able to take care of all the things while I'm gone . Now , when the kids were little little , I would give daily things to check you would give good instruction but and that's when I go to Juarez on a mission trip which is also coming up .
So when I go there , I like and I know the kids are in school I will give you a , or the kids a checklist of all the things they need , to make sure that they have which they already know , but they like being able to make those check marks .
I was going to say they love being able to make those check marks .
I was going to say they love being able to just check things off of the list and go , but it also helps you . Okay , this is what we got to do . We got to make sure we have this , we got to make sure we have that , but I am at full peace knowing that you are going to be able to take care of things , because I trust you .
I like that , Because if something is not going the way it's supposed to , you're going to instantly call me . Hey , baby , what does this mean ?
Yeah , what in the world is this ? I don't understand . I agree , I think those two things , those are huge strengths for us . Two for me , that kind of stick out is , I think , our transparency , not just to each other , but we are who we are all the time .
Whether we're sitting here doing a podcast , whether we're watching TV , we're out with friends , we're at church , we're at school , work , whatever it is , we are the same people all the time and we're the same couple all the time , like it doesn't change at all .
You are super important . You are number one , absolutely On this earth .
When you walk into somewhere and I'm already there , my attention is diverted and bam , it comes to you and I make sure to seek you out and kiss you and say hello and just make sure that , hey , I'm so glad that she's here . I think that's important because it's something that we can show to other people .
Hey , be your true selves and be your true couple selves out in the world . So one our job is to kind of be . We can help other people by the way we live our lives , and if other people see , well , they can do it . What are some things they do that I like , that I can bring into my own relationship ?
I think that goes a long way , not saying we have it all together because we don't . No , we don't but how we are just out and about is , I think , speaks a lot , and also that you know , even after 16 years of marriage , I think it's really great that we still want each other .
Yeah .
Like if I get the opportunity , I'm going to grab your butt . I'm going to cop a feel if I'm able to .
Even in public .
Does not matter . No , and we , we we have that together because we do still want each other , and I think those are huge strengths as a couple . So what's next ?
All right , I'm going to knock all these off .
Please don't .
All right . What's something you're really proud of ?
Ooh , I'm proud of is to be able to sit and reflect where we are today as a couple and as people , to see how far we've come from where we were 10 and 15 years ago . I'm very proud of the work that we have done , but the work that the Lord has done in us to allow us to become the people that we are now . We're not there yet .
It'll take us a very , very long time for us to be able to actually get there , but I'm extremely proud for just allowing the Lord to work in us , the way that he has , for us to become the people that we have today .
Yeah , that is a really good one . I'm proud of that one too .
Proud of anything else .
A lot of things . I'm just not the one thing that I'm really proud of it's hard to put your finger on just a single thing . I mean , are these questions if you were to die today kind of questions ?
If that's the case , I'm proud to say that I know what type of children our children are going to become as adults because of how we parent , because we give them a very healthy relationship , mom and dad , relationship to child , and they get to see a husband wife marriage the way it's supposed to be , loving each other unconditionally , the way Jesus loves us .
I couldn't agree more . I mean , that's if we were to go today , I can leave this earth knowing and having comfort , knowing that , hey , our children are going to be okay , that they're going to be good , productive members of society .
Our son is going to do everything he can for the women in his life that's a huge one and then our daughter . She's going to be your mother .
Yes , she is , but she's going to be your mother .
Yes , she is , but she's going to be . She knows that Cashman is going to be there for her , totally so she's going to take care of him .
They know that they have each other's back , and I agree that's something for us to be very , very proud of . All right , what is something your partner does that makes you feel loved ? What's something I do that makes you feel loved ?
A lot of things , but I have to think of one .
You have to try and think of just a single one . If it's possible , just one , just one or two . I mean , if you got two , I don't know why it's like endless . Well , that makes me feel good . You taking out the trash without being told . Acts of service .
Acts of service go back and listen to love languages .
Everybody .
Learn your spouse's love language I wake up on a Saturday morning cause it's the only day I get to sleep in when I don't have sports or something to go coach , and there's breakfast waiting on me . I get to sleep in when I don't have sports or something to go coach , and there's breakfast waiting on me , even if I wake up at one o'clock in the afternoon .
It's there and it's waiting for you .
It's still there waiting on me , maybe in the fridge , and I will warm it up for you After acts of service people . Find out what makes your partner tick , Because occasionally on that Saturday morning you may get a text . Hey , I'm still in bed , why don't you come join me ?
And I'm just saying you know that could be a benefit don't let the children know you walk in the door yeah , just sneak in , I'm , I'm here , I'm waiting for you . It's like boom , let's go as fast as we can lock the door . It happens , it's a benefit , that's a benefit .
It is it ?
is , it is . It's one way I know that I'm loved Go ahead and pick another card .
Noted .
Noted Take note .
¶ Meaningful Impacts and Future Reflections
What is the most meaningful and or impactful thing you've received from your partner ?
Oh man , the most meaningful or impactful thing I have received from you . Ah , that's a good question . I mean you really have to dig back in the old Rolodex to be able to find exactly what that may be .
I think I know what your answer should be , but I'm not going to say it . I'm going
¶ [Ad] The Brief
to see if you .
No pressure , don't put me on the spot at all .
My Lord , I mean the most impactful thing you've received from your partner .
I mean , our children are definitely there , let's go back a little bit further than that .
Forcing you to marry me is also there .
Oh yeah , that was so . Not a thing . You know it may sound corny and cheesy , but just be able to have you in my life is you have changed me completely . Not saying that that's a bad thing , but you have completely . You push me in ways that I didn't know were possible , and that's something I'm thankful for
¶ (Cont.) Meaningful Impacts and Future Reflections
and I think is very meaningful and impactful for me is , you know , you know exactly how far to push me , how hard to push me , and you push me hard in certain areas , especially when you see something in me that should be done or something I should accomplish .
You push me in ways to be able to achieve that , and you're my biggest cheerleader along the way , and I think that's something insanely meaningful to me , because I would not be where I am today without you , plain and simple . There's no doubt about it .
Oh , that's sweet .
I missed it , though , obviously .
That's way better than what I was going to say .
Oh what were you going to say ?
That time in high school where I made you stop and I gave you a note with my phone number on it and you called me . Made you stop and I gave you a note with my phone number on it and you called me . That was very impactful .
That moment was , without a doubt , the most impactful and meaningful moment ever Because had you not lost a bet , because you owed a friend money . We may not be sitting here today .
I was so scared to talk to you and they're like oh bitch , double or nothing . It was like five bucks and if I didn't do it that would have been 10 bucks . I owed them , I didn't have .
And see that is so on brand for you . Just someone say you can't do this , you won't . It's like oh , watch me , no matter what it is , you can't do this or you won't do this . It's like oh , hold up .
And then you go and you accomplish and do that exact thing . Those words , for me , are like the words you should not say to Marty McFly Chicken . Chicken .
That's it . You're exactly right . It's the exact same situation , the exact same thing .
But I did . They're like you won't Double or nothing , Okay .
You most certainly did All right . Here's the next one .
We still have that note .
Yes , we most certainly do .
We have almost all the notes Almost all the notes that we wrote each other in high school . People don't write notes to each other anymore . They text each other .
They send each other notes on their phones and airdrop them to each other , and that's it .
They don't airdrop notes to phones , baby .
That's just what we do on an airplane well , you taught me that on the airplane nine and a half flight hour flight back in the middle of the night , where the plane was too hot and we couldn't necessarily sleep , it was like , hey , let's , let's just , you know , we'll airdrop notes to each other because the wi-fi doesn't work either . Thanks a lot , delta .
All right , what keeps you up at night other than your brain not shutting off nothing , nothing nothing that keeps you up at night other than your brain not shutting off nothing , nothing , nothing that keeps you up at night . I sleep very well .
Yeah , you do when you go to sleep when I go to sleep , sometimes my brain just really functions to the point where it constantly works yeah , it does , there's not there's not a shut off button . I'll be up for 48 hours sometimes . Sometimes you certainly will Do I have insomnia and I just don't know it .
Maybe , but I don't know , I sleep really good when I go to sleep .
Yeah , I mean you sleep Like when I leave to go to the gym in the mornings .
You don't even know you've left .
Well , and it's clear , with the new puppy , I'm the one who clearly sees . Well , hey , listen that's good .
Nothing keeps you up at night .
what about you ? You know I not a whole lot keeps me up at night , but what does , uh , my enneagram , one sometimes of you know , hey , are you really doing the best that you can ? Are you , are you good enough ? You know that . Hey , are you really doing the best that you can ? Are you good enough ? You know that could have been better .
I mean that sometimes most certainly does that insecurity of hey , are you actually ?
Insecurity is probably the best word to use .
Yeah , oh , it definitely does .
And it is so strong with you . It is that it has been passed down to our son .
Yeah , it has , and I hate that . But if there was one thing , it's probably that Are you really doing the best ?
Because he was this past week when he was at middle school baseball tryouts .
Just to let everyone know he tried out , for he's in seventh grade , First tryout he's ever had for really anything .
Well , he did basketball , but he ain't a basketball kid .
No , that was like you're doing whatever man , okay , sure , but he almost made that . Which was shocking he tried out for the middle school baseball team . He loves baseball , we love baseball , and man , it was stressful baseball . We love baseball . Um , and man , it was stressful friday . We were so freaking . Tryouts were monday and tuesday , but friday .
We knew the list was tuesday , wednesday tuesday , wednesday , the . The list was being posted on friday and friday was stressful and he was stressed out about it and he kept telling us how horrible his tryout was . He didn't do this , he could have done better at this , he should have done this , he couldn't have done this . And I said oh my God .
He is your son and it is and .
I kept thinking maybe this kid is in his head so bad he doesn't really know he can't see the good .
Yeah , and it happens . It's easy to let happen and I will say you know part of the answer . I said well , you make me better . You have helped me with that so much . I used to be much more of a mess when it comes to my insecurity and not thinking that .
I'm good enough to be able to have anything and you've always helped me through it , but I mean , it's still something that creeps in there every now and again if it doesn't work , keep going .
If 12 years of professional wrestling didn't tell you that , for me , the amount of no's I heard over and over and over again . I was like okay , well , try again keep trying , we're gonna make it alright , one more ?
no , I'm gonna go Try again . Keep trying .
We're going to make it All right . One more no , I'm going to go All right . If a fortune teller could tell you one thing about your future , what would you ask ?
Oh my God , If a fortune teller could tell me one thing about my future , what would I ask ? Jeez , I um .
I'm sure most people would get . I want to know either how they die or when they're going to die . I don't want to know that . I could care less .
Well , honestly and I've had conversation with people before Um , you know I'm I'm okay with whenever that time is . If it's tomorrow , it's tomorrow . I know what the destination is Now . Do I want a long , healthy life to spend with you and our children ? Absolutely yeah , but I'm comfortable with whenever that moment comes . It is what it is .
I've got no control over that . What would I ask a fortune teller ? How do I do you know ? Did I do ? Okay at this life .
You think a fortune teller would be able to tell you that ?
Well , they'd be able to tell me everything about my future if I really wanted to . So I just I think that's the only question I'd really have is you know , did , did , did , I do . Okay , cause I really don't want to know anything else . I don't want to know about my death , I don't really want to know about a million other different things .
So I don't know , I don't know if I really have a whole lot of questions for a fortune teller . What about you ? Anything ?
I only have two and I can't narrow down to which one I would want .
Oh boy , what would that be ?
One when do we retire ?
Okay , and just get to do nothing or everything we want to do , or do I really one day get to have an own and run my own personal haunted house ?
That you know what that sounds . I know no one else would ever probably ask that , but I want to know if I own one .
Because that's one of my biggest dreams . Of all the questions that people may have . I don't know that that one makes the list . I mean that's like way , way down Thousands of thousands , of thousands of questions down the list . I think that's what people would actually , you know , I think that's way on down there .
So I mean pretty good questions , you know , for people who listen , take these questions , ask your partner . Y'all sit down , take an hour or so and let that be . We have a special guest .
Oh boy , apparently we haven't paid attention to our timing and my sister was coming to pick up the kids to take them to this legal fall festival .
Well , she's early .
Yeah , our nephew's here .
Uh , oh , where are they ?
Good old Carson . Come here , buddy . Hey , what up dog ? Oh goodness Carson . Come here , buddy . Hey , what up dog . Oh goodness Say hello .
You want to say hello to all the people who are listening .
Oh , gorby too . Hey buddy , I got double trouble right here .
That is double trouble right there .
You're so cute , you want to say hey in the microphone . No , no , why don't you sing us that song that you like so much ? No , what ?
Why not ?
You like singing that song ? Would you mull it ? Stop , let me go . Where are you going ? Uh-oh , oh , one first , uh-oh Ready .
One , two , three , they're like I'm out of here One , two three Bye . Gone quickly . Absolutely not . I don't want to say nothing to nobody . Do you want to say something ?
No , no is the answer . They're so stinking cute , they're funny
¶ Deep Connection and Gratitude
.
But ask your spouse these . These are great questions . Talk about it . We have many more . We'll probably do this some more and do this again , so let's get out of here . It's go time . I love you . I it's go time I love you . I love you , beautiful God , we love you . We are so thankful for just what you're doing . We don't deserve it .
I don't know why we're here , but you designed it and this belongs to you . So , whatever it is you want to do with this , podcast our prayers . It's just reaches the ears that need to hear it and that you're just able to you know , foster conversations with people .
These questions are great , just to be able to have a more deep connection with our significant other and God . It's all designed and ordained by you and we're just thankful we get to be a part of it . We love you . We thank you in Jesus name , amen .
Amen Play ball .