How Bad Has It Gotten

Hello everyone , welcome to the Married AF podcast . We are back for the new year . We just want to let you know probably not the best idea to listen this particular episode with little ears around . It's not meant for children or maybe not even to be listened to in public .

Ear muffs .

Enjoy this episode .

Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated ?

Why aren't people getting married anymore ?

A new Pew Research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition .

Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .

If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ?

if you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple .

Marriage is stupid .

Welcome to Action . Blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , goodness gracious .

Wow , I didn't know our podcast had a new name . Yes , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah blah blah .

Wow , couldn't get that out , can you ?

spell that that's going to be hard to find for people .

Starts with a W . I know that , holy moly . You can tell it's been a while . Ok , let's try that again . Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , not blah blah , blah , blah blah blah , not that one . Yeah , I couldn't get it out . Oh , we're back . Happy New Year .

Happy New Year .

I mean we . Last time we did this has been an entire year ago .

It has not been an entire year , Well it was 2023 .

It was last year . It was last year .

A year is 365 days . It's not .

And neither here nor there doesn't matter , but we're back . It's a happy new year . This is episode something or another .

And something or another . Is that what you're going to name this one ?

I don't know what episode number we're on , but we continue to climb . We continue to get more downloads , more views , more listens , more all of the things , and we just want to say thank you . Yes to all of those people who do that .

Yes .

On the social media . People are interacting , messaging , commenting , all that amazing stuff . So we really , really , really do appreciate that .

Yeah . I'm trying to give you a number on what number we're on , but I don't understand , because I'm looking at the statistics of all the things .

The stats .

And is this considered season four ?

No , no , we're still season three-ish . We're like television shows you don't know when they started , when they began , but whenever they end they just do . Let's see , we are on episode number 41 . You're guessing 41? . I mean , it might as well be , could be that .

I really don't know .

Don't know either , but I could tell you in about 10 seconds .

I'm just looking at 40 .

This is episode number 41 . I think you cheated .

I did Wow .

I don't know that you had got there yet or not . You really cheated on me on that , so that's so good . So I have no plan for this episode at all . We need to record one . We're coming out of like a nice deep hour and a half two-hour Bible discussion , bible debate , if you will say debate .

I just have questions that Maybe I think I'm a little crazy to think those things . I just think way outside the box on everything .

Yeah , you do .

I want to be able to explain it to non-believers .

Which is a beautiful , great and wonderful thing . But it was a good discussion . I thought maybe we got some clarification . We have to do ?

you think I'm crazy .

I think you're crazy in the perfect amount of way . You're not rock of love crazy , you're just perfectly my type of crazy . It's not like you've been on Flavor Flavie show or anything like that . The rock of love the rock of love was your jam . I don't know how many people actually watched that last .

We went on for a while .

It's a popular show .

It was it was . Always said that that's . That was my turning point was you .

You looked at these women on rock of love going after beautiful , glorious Brett Michaels . They loved them . Some Brett Michaels with a headband , come on if that's how you see Brett Michaels . No , but that's how rock love did . For sure . Maybe they loved them . Some .

Oh my god , I had a rock of love moment and I said I need Jesus .

Do you remember what that rock of love moment ?

was I do .

Let's hear it .

Why you ?

it's a great , that's a fantastic story . Please just share why ?

because you want to laugh hysterically , because I Get mad that you got Mayo instead of whipped dressing and I Attempted to throw my phone through a window and instead it missed the window and hit the wall , left a massive hole but did not break that crackberry .

No cuz blackberry Indestructible . But that was it . That was the moment was like . You know what I'm like that girl on rock of love who lost her mind because we're nothing . Yeah , Brett Michaels was more interested in girl over here whenever he told me he was interested in me and Lost my mind .

I lost my mind over Mayo .

Yeah , and that , listen in my defense . I'm gonna go to the grave with that one , but I see no difference . All right , they're the exact same thing . They look the same . I think they taste the same .

I'm gonna make you some mashed potatoes with both , and Then you can tell me if there's a difference listen . If it's , if you're making mashed potatoes , I'm okay to challenge or potato salad , or whatever I Was trying to make for this event .

Well , listen , they look exactly like they're packaged the exact same way . They're on the same shelf right next to each other at the grocery store . Very , very simple mistake . But I'm happy that you had your rock of love moment and you quickly realized I don't want to end up like those girls who are vying for the love of Brett Michaels .

I just remember I stormed off . I was fuming mad when in reality I should have been so thankful that you decided to go to the store and get all the things we needed so I could get ready .

Let me just real quick . Let me tell you the amount of confusion I had in that moment , why you were so furious .

I know .

I had no clue . I was like what is she talking about ? This is this , is this is the stuff .

It's the exact same stuff and I storm off to our bedroom , slam the door , throw the phone that's Sit in the floor and I'm just .

I'm standing in the kitchen looking at my , my bottle of mayonnaise , jar of mayonnaise , thinking what's wrong with this , and I just hear thud like what in the world happened back there ?

But then what did you hear ?

laughing , laughing , like what is happening back here . I had a revelation through my phone through the window . But I missed the window and I hit the wall and I put a hole in the wall and , sure enough , there's just a little hole in the wall , crackberry laying on the floor . And then that was the moment , like you know what .

But it was literally in the moment when I realized , oh my God , I have turned into the rock of love . I'll say , it's all been up .

It's all been up hills . Don't want to say uphill , but it's all been up from there Like you're . You're progressing a good way . Up hill sounds bad .

Cause I can't walk uphill .

I'm walking up hills , terrible , all downhill , but that sounds bad . You know what I mean .

But why do people ? When you get to 40 , they're saying you're over the hill , it's a lot easier to go down that hill .

It is much easier to go down that hill .

What is that about ?

I don't know , but we watched this as 40 the other night , just because we're 40 now .

Because we watched it when we were 30 .

We did and you know , looking back at , it now , with no kids at that .

No kids , we had no kids .

At that point in time and man looking at it now this is hilarious . Can feel maybe just a little bit of this .

Not a lot of it Going on , not a lot of it , not a lot of it , I mean we're not , you know you're not .

You're not sneaking cigarettes in the bathroom or anything like that .

Or you're not sneaking cupcakes .

Sneaking cupcakes drowned in water in the sink , just to eat more cupcakes .

I can't tell my husband this because I don't know how much money we're having or we're not giving money to our parents behind each other's back , kind of thing .

Yeah . Or sneaking off to the bathroom to play scrabble just to get away from the family for half an hour Exactly .

So there are very , very few things that we can relate to , but man , it's fun Age wise and sex wise ? Maybe yes , Because we do have children now and they had children .

So they did and you know , when you get older and trying to have sex with children around , it's not the easiest thing in the world .

It's a great way to kill your sex life .

Yeah , it absolutely can , but you can't let that happen . No , you got to do whatever you whatever it takes .

Kids just don't need to come around much .

Not say much , but it's good for them to like hey kids , why don't you , all you know , go outside for a while , don't ?

you want to spend the night with your friends tonight .

Yeah , I got it , so it wouldn't be fun to you know go .

We can't ever get our cash to spend the night with anybody .

No , that dude is like staying here for life . He's never going anywhere . You know we talk about . You know we always make the joke like , oh , only this many more years and both kids are out of the house . But I don't know who we're kidding . Cash is never leaving , ok you ?

probably won't either . That kid's going to be there forever .

Yeah , she's getting closer and closer , so it's going to be like mom .

Me and my husband are living in the basement now .

No , why Go ? I love you , but go .

You going to pay the mortgage to ?

Nope .

Nope . Not going to happen , so house is not big enough for four families . Bye .

I think we did that intentional . I think this is the perfect spot . It's good enough for us .

So we should downsize , maybe we should downsize a studio apartment .

That was just us . We can move to the city .

We can go on house hunters , we can always get that little high rise condo without the maintenance of a yard , or you know .

I might be OK with that .

It's not a bad idea now either , though .

No , no , it's because we don't have pets . No , we do not have to take out and walk . Yeah , I did listen , I'd be OK with that . But yeah , it's fun to watch that and kind of be like , hmm , I relate to a little bit there and boy , this is funny .

I guess so .

Listen . I think 40 has been awesome . I'll be 41 in two weeks . I think 40 has been amazing .

It's been a cool year .

It's been an awesome year .

I haven't had a year of in 240 yet .

No , but you're what ? Four months in ? Yeah , you're going into four months and you don't look like you're 40 . You're going to pass from .

Let's not talk about what I look like right now .

I'm not Shut up . Oh my gosh , I don't even want to hear it . You're ridiculous .

I have been the same weight since the wreck I know this Two years . I've had two surgeries that have kind of slowed me down from actually working out Now . Granted , I know all of that is diet more than exercise , but I have a relationship with food .

I love food .

But if my weight is not going up a number , can somebody please tell my face that I'm not pregnant ?

You're not . I promise you , I know I'm not .

It was impossible for Mary to be pregnant too , but she gave birth as a virgin .

Just saying , just saying .

God would have a horrible sense of humor if that were to ever have it .

But Listen , I love God and I love Jesus . But if he were to do that , we'd have some words like what the heck man ?

Like what do you do ? We would have to move .

Like what are you thinking right now ?

We don't have room for another job of all the people .

We've had two kids . All right . You someone else in this matter ?

We multiplied . Okay , we were free .

And we multiplied , we multiplied quickly .

But my face still looks like I'm pregnant .

You're , you're .

I got a pregnant nose and I'm like so fat right now that my eyelids are fat . Matthew powers , I've been telling you this for weeks Like how do you get so fat that your eyelids are fat ?

I've never heard of that before and I think you're crazy . Your eyelids are not fat .

I just want them removed . Just cut them off like this . I've even tried those stupid things that they're like pieces of tape . Oh , put them here . They don't work , care how much your infomercial tells me they work .

That's your problem right there . Infomercial see these like oh man , these look like they're going to work perfectly . Let me try some of that .

Let me tell you , new makeup is not working to make them look like they're not there . Maybe this is 40 .

This is for eyelids .

It's a new thing . It's going to catch on .

It is . It's going to be trending now . Fat eyelids are a thing I've never heard .

Your mama , so fat her eyelids are .

Have you a new mama joke .

You're welcome .

So why , why , why not ? I think you're beautiful . Well , thank you , you don't look like you have a pregnant nose . I didn't know pregnant nose was a thing . Your eyelids are not fat .

I'm just going to keep my eyebrows up like this at all times at all times , so they don't look like they're not blank . And look , you can see my eyeballs like this I can't see your eyeballs Unbelievable .

So let me ask you some questions . Good , this will be fun , because why not ? You know , this is just an episode where we just talking about fat eyelids and this is 40 and kids moving out of the house and all that fun stuff . So new year , you know , new year , new me that's what everyone says . They have their New Year's resolutions .

I am not everyone .

I know , but that's what everyone says . Listen , just just follow me along the trail here .

I'm not a follower . What hours get it out ?

What's the biggest thing plaguing marriage today ?

What is the biggest thing ?

plaguing marriage . Why are marriages continuing to fail day after day , year after year ? Everyone started this year and like this is the year for us . We're going to , we're going to be better , we're going to get help , we're going to do this , we're going to do that , and that happens every single year . And marriage rates are continuing to decline .

There could be a number of reasons , but the most popular one maybe yes , hmm . I'm going to have to go with and I'm Could totally be wrong , but I'm going to go outside the normal box here with , I think , communication is it . Well , yeah of course , that's always every problem To solve . Communication .

You're right . What's the root of it , though ? Why ? Why in the world ? Why can't we get this right , especially in a world where we have so many means to communicate , right ? Why can we not get this right ?

We're selfish . I'm going to get mine before I can get you . You're going to get yours .

Where that coming . I just I don't know , where does that come from , though , like why ? Why can we not get this right ? We cannot figure it out .

We need to drink more water , exercise more , get more endorphins Endorphins make you happy , and happy people just don't shoot their husbands and have more sex .

Actually I did see a study like a week or so ago .

Sex is , exercise is great cardio . It is great cardio I don't care if it's 10 minutes .

People are actually having less sex now than like in a very , very , very long time .

Interesting .

They are .

That sucks . That is a problem for them .

It does suck for them . It does suck for them Big time , I agree . I think it's part of selfishness A lot of it that people just want .

But if you're selfish , I mean still selfish . People want to have sex .

Well , yeah , they do , but the thing is that they're . The problem that they're going towards is and it's these stupid things right here , it's this stupid thing that I'm typing on right here , it's all . The technology

Yes , but there's zero . I don't understand how you can have any expectations watching porn .

You can't it's fake .

It's not real . But do people really know that ? The people that are watching it do they know ?

I think it starts where you know and then it gets to the point where you believe that that's reality .

Well , that's called pathological liar . Well , it's just that someone that lies so much , starts believing all of their own lies .

Well , they're believing that this is what it's supposed to look like , and then , whenever they do experience it and it's not that at all they get let down , and then they go back to that source and people are having affairs with .

People that think that they actually make that porn a fantasy .

Yes .

A reality .

Well , they're having . They're having affairs with porn . They're having affairs with the things that they're seeing online .

Rather than so they'd rather take matters into their own hands , literally , instead of sharing that moment with their spouse .

The most eloquently way you could have put it absolutely .

Literally their own hands .

Yes , they would rather take matters into their own hands rather than have their wife do that for them , that they'd rather take just a few minutes to get that thing , that rush of energy and that rush of you know , dopamine that hit to make them feel so good for just a second , rather than experience that with their spouse .

This might be a little vulgar , but there is nothing my hands can do to replace the real you .

This is true . Yes , you're right , you're exactly right .

I don't watch porn .

I've said it before porn is not just ruining relationships and marriages , but they're ruining people .

And maybe this is just us , but porn is boring . I'm sorry , I'm not just going to walk into a room and role play and , oh my gosh , mr Blah , blah , blah , what are you doing here ?

No , you're not just because I don't watch porn now .

Doesn't mean I haven't watched it . No , I don't watch for the acting . You're not looking for the storyline .

I don't need a storyline .

The horrible you know funky movies that they try to reenact . I mean yeah it's all .

it's all dumb , that's what it's .

My sex life is better than a porn .

Oh , far better , way , way , way better than it could , could ever be . On a stupid screen .

I write and I feel like maybe if people were to have sex more and not worry about how you look when you're having sex , because it's not , it's not being videoed , it's not being put out there on the interwebs , or it shouldn't be , at least .

I mean it shouldn't be , it should not be . I mean crazier things have happened .

That's , that's intimate , that's between you and your spouse .

It's supposed to be that way , but you're right . I guess it doesn't always happen that way , I mean , unless you're Rachel and Ross and you know , forget about it .

And I'm going to go back and watch later , that's right . And then hit no , no , no , no , no , no .

That looks good , oh , oh , oh , no no .

I mean , I just feel like porn is boring . Well , porn's ruining , its ruins relationships ?

Absolutely does , because men , men is mostly , women are , women are too . There was another study they like 48 percent of all women watch porn on the regular , so that number is climbing , which is telling me that their man is not fulfilling what they need .

But if you are a woman , you're not going to be a woman , if you are like for us , most of the time we're , we're . It's been too many days .

Get that , I switch .

I'll send a text message . I cannot get this switch to go away . It's been two days . That is my , oh , my gosh .

It's like it's past time . Like it's past time and got to figure out how to make it happen , like Gloria Stephon .

And people have sex . I don't know what people's sex lives are like , because I don't ask people , but maybe they should ask their spouses , because how are you going to know if my eye is twitching and we don't ? Ok , so I'm at the school and you're at work . Yeah , we're apart during the day .

Yeah , and we're not . We're not together and we're not able to constantly . We talk to out the day . We text today . We don't . We're not constantly talking to each other .

No , but if I don't tell you , baby there , this needs to be fixed , you wouldn't know .

I think you know we have a , we have a pretty pretty . It's not a hard and fast rule , but like when it , when it's time , when that eye starts twitching and you're , you're feeling it , it's like , hey , we have to like , we got to like now , we got to get this taken care of immediately . Are there times ?

Just can't happen . Life happens , we understand that kids happen , but that does not stop the tension between you and I . No because I'm not going to go to our closet , close the door or the bathroom or wherever , and lock the door and watch some kind of stupid little porn to make myself feel better for that little bitty .

Just makes it go a little bit further .

Our skin touches like oh my goodness , those kind of things . But people are too selfish to wait .

Well they are and what are kind of go to . And again , it's not a hard and fast of what if we have that day and it just does not happen for whatever reasons , like the kids can be sick , they can have a scary dream or they can just be up late .

Or you can just fall asleep in the eight o'clock hour and forget . Hey , my wife was like yeah , my eyes twitching .

Yeah , ha ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha ha . That may or may not have happened yesterday . Ha ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha ha ha . Listen , I was tired . I don't know what happened , but that can happen .

But you didn't catch me doing something to get that quick little fix . Oh , he can fix itself . I'm getting mine now .

Listen with how tired I was last night . You probably could have had an action movie going on in my next day and I would have never known , because . I was dead to the world .

You didn't even know I came to bed .

No , I had no clue , you were in bed .

Like .

I saw you this morning . I was like I don't remember going to bed last night . You're like . You didn't even kiss me goodnight last night .

I get in the bed and you just I was out .

But what I'm trying to get to is it may not happen , like when you're both , you need it , right . But our kind of go to is like , yeah , that may happen . Where we're just not able to , for whatever reason , we're not going to go more than 24 hours without making sure that that happens . It's just not going to happen .

What's your next question ?

All right . So let me ask , it's cause you asked ? You talked about the communication and everything , and maybe this is going to get a little too personal .

Oh boy .

So how is the sex ? How is sex life ?

Ours .

Yes Ha ha . Is that something I want to tell people ? Is there anything you want to change on that ?

What do you mean change ?

To make it better .

No .

Okay , perfect .

Because every time sorry Gigi and whatever family member listens , but I swear , I tell you , every single time we have sex , just when I think it can't get any better , it gets better .

It gets better and better and better .

It's not like , yeah , we do , we do different , but it's not the boring old stupid .

Stupid , it's not the same old boring thing .

White missionary position . Oh my gosh .

Oh , you are hilarious .

How is sex being boring ?

I mean , yeah , I can , that don't Maybe that's why people go to porn .

They think , oh yeah , let's see what's happening over here .

Maybe so , but I agree To get back to adventure out people . Hey , that menu , talk about that menu .

Bring the test kitchen on .

Get that test kitchen , say , hey , baby , tonight I want to try this and dad , come at you . Better go along with it , as long as it's not harming you , harming the other person or going to be a killer for your marriage or your relationship . You have to . You don't have a choice , you got to do it .

You never know until you try .

You got to do it . Whether you , whether you disagree with it or not , you got , you have to . You have no choice but to have to try that .

So Ballsy question powers . I did .

I had no agenda for this episode and I didn't expect it to get here whatsoever , but you brought it there . What am I going to do ? So , all right . Next , next kind of little question here , cause we talked about what's plaguing marriages more than anything . What's one thing and not have sex ?

Talk to somebody , such as when you have a problem with anybody , like we we typically do this with students and when someone you can tell someone's going through something and they will come to you and just that's sigh , let them talk . You don't have to respond . My issue is , let's say , my issue is letting them get it all out to someone who is not .

It's amazing what happens when you just talk about things .

I know I say communication and I've been asked what kind of communication . I've not really been sure how to answer that question until like right now . It just hit me . It's not through a cell phone , not through email , like talking in person . Not text messages , not direct messages , not any social media platforms , not typing it out anywhere .

Not even a FaceTime .

No , you cannot feel someone's energy and what they are feeling until you are in the same room with them .

I totally agree with that .

Whether it's a therapy kind of session , find the therapist . That's where I've been . You don't like it . Therapists , go somewhere else .

There's plenty of them out there . Yeah , you're right , there are plenty .

Even with marriages . I mean , we do marriage counseling .

Yeah .

And we just listen .

About 85, . 90% of it is just listening . Just listening and not trying to repair their world , but listening and just giving them advice and just try to align them and point them in a better direction .

Yeah , because people just seem to be scared to talk .

They are , and I just , yeah , we'll wrap up with that . But just want to say real quick if that is , if

We can relate to that Because we were selfish .

Big time and I firmly believe , because we've experienced nearly everything , I don't think there's really much of anything people could go through or have gone through that we have not experienced in some way and can speak to that . And if we made it , so will you ? We're not special in any way .

Couldn't agree more .

We gotta get out of here when are we going Wanna ? come home . Wanna come home . Oh my goodness , that was fun . We're gonna get out of here . God , we love you and we're just thankful to be able to laugh and just have this platform that you've created and just wanna speak to people . As we said , people are struggling . They're not alone in this .

Play ball .