¶ Is Marriage Overrated?
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?
why aren't people getting married anymore ?
a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .
is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage relationship podcast in the world . We are your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers . Hey , beautiful hey handsome . Here we are at it once again . What a day . It's going to be a fun one . You're going to get riled up . I can feel it already .
Why do you do this to me ?
Because I love your reactions . I love to see your face .
I'm trying not to have high blood pressure , though my watch keeps telling me I'm stressed out .
Well , it has nothing to do with me or any of this . I think I know exactly what it's referring to , but we will not speak about that today . You know , you know why . Come on , you get this . You understand , don't you ? What do you have for me today , mr powers ? I have great stuff for you today .
Before we do that , we're gonna get into first peter and let's see what peter has to say . You ready for this ? Actually , this is second peter , chapter one , verse one .
Yo , it's simon peter , straight up , serving an apostolate for Jesus Christ , shouting out to all y'all who got that precious face , faith , just like us all , thanks to the righteousness of God and our Savior , jesus Christ , may grace and peace be multiplied to get to you , getting real deep in your souls through the knowledge of God and Jesus , our main man ,
because , let me tell , his divine power hooked us up with everything we need for this life and godly living . All because we know the dude who called us to live in glory and virtue . And guess what ?
He blessed us with some crazy , mind-blowing promises that let us tap into the divine nature , escaping all the messed up corruption that's rolling in this world , tempting us with lust . So here's the deal . Get real , focused and put in the work . Add some virtue to your faith and on top of that stack up some knowledge .
Then rock that temperance , keeping it real and chill . And from there you've got to be patient , like waited out patient and after that embrace godliness like your whole vibe .
I have no idea what you just said I don't either .
It was all sorts of nonsense . It was hard to get through that , because man Peter was just spitting all sorts of nonsense . Now I have a feeling that's not what it really reads like .
I don't remember any of that being in the Bible .
But Gen Z took it to a whole nother level . I did love that . Hey , yo , it's Peter . That was about all that I got on all of that . So here's some marriage issues going on in the world today .
Hey yo .
You ready for this ? You're going to
¶ Conspiracy Theory Marriage Issues
laugh about this .
Chico , that's so an old wrestling .
Who , who was it ?
You don't know .
No , I don't know . Let me guess Ch who who was ?
it ? You don't know . No , I don't know . Let me guess .
Chico . Was it the guy who ate the apple ?
No . Way before him .
Was it .
Carlito .
It was Guerrero Rey . Mysterio , that's all .
I got Razor Ramon .
That's what I said , razor Ramon . That's what I said , razor Ramon he threw his toothpick .
Hey , y'all .
I know who you're talking about Scott Hall .
I'm very impressed that you knew that .
I know him from his documentary , his struggles his deep , deep struggles that DDP came out and helped the dude out .
Yes .
Gotta love some DDP . All right , you ready for this ? My husband is now a flat earther . Is this biblical grounds for divorce ? About six months ago , my husband of 13 years dropped a bomb on me . He said he believed the earth is flat . He has stuck with this theory despite my many attempts to talk him out of it .
Now he's teaching this to our young children , which I am not okay with . He talks about it a lot , so it's not some private thing he keeps to himself . About five years ago , he started dabbling in conspiracy theories and it worsened due to COVID . But I am floored by this one and have seemed to have lost all respect for him as a person overnight .
I asked for advice in a Christian marriage Facebook group . That's always the way to go and 50% of the responses are people telling me that his theories . Give his theories a chance and listen to what he says because he's right . I feel like I'm living on a different planet all of a sudden . I'm not sure how to recover from this or how to respect him again .
To me , he's basically a crazy person now . I never considered something like this , making our vows . Am I wrong for considering a divorce over this Husband's a flat earther , all right , so let's break this down just a little bit . What are you researching over there ?
I want to know why , besides a conspiracy theory , would he believe that ? That the earth is flat , I mean obviously during COVID it got worse because that was an election year .
People went crazy , people went crazy . People lost their freaking minds and literally never got back from crazy . No .
So they were probably a little crazy to begin with , but that they , they just they were knocked off the rock .
They're there . They've lost their loving minds .
I'm looking . Do I think it's a biblical reason to divorce ?
No , no , it's not a biblical reason to divorce . So he has this crazy theory and I get why some people even think that I mean there . There's parts in the Bible , you know , to the ends of the earth and from one edge of the earth to the other , and the pillars of earth and you know speaks about the four corners of the earth .
So there's some things that people okay , you can draw that Northeast , Southwest . God stretched out his arms and he loves us this much , as far as wide as the east is from the west . Guess what ? That is never ending .
It's never ending and forever and ever , and it's an expression . It's not saying , oh yes , the top left corner and this corner and that corner in that corner , so , and you know , and there's , you know , parts of the bible where people misconstrue that . Is it grounds for biblical divorce ? Absolutely not so . Your husband's a little crazy .
He has this , this passion project of the earth being flat . And my thought is , listen , if the earth were flat , someone would have already fallen off of that sucker .
Okay , we just wouldn't people didn't think things like that back in the day . Yes , like christopher columbus day , when they would sail and sail and sail and never return . It's because they ran into a freaking storm . Their ships were not made to survive things like that . No , you ever see a perfect storm so her husband thinks he's a flat .
It's , the earth is flat and it's causing big , big time problems in their marriage .
¶ Debating Conspiracies and Values
Now here's , here's my not just with flat earth stuff , all right , why are people so hung up on like this type of stuff not just just flat earth , but the conspiracy , flat earth and politics , and Democrat and Republican , and they're so fixated and they consume their entire lives with this stuff that at the end of the day , this stuff doesn't matter .
No .
I mean okay , so the earth is flat . What's that going to do for you ? How's that going to change anything that you do ? Can you do something to prevent the earth from being flat ? Is it going to change your way of thinking and the way you're going to love your kids and love your wife and go to your job and be a productive ?
How's that going to change anything ?
The whole . It's so productive when people think that way , though .
Yes , well , let's spend all our time where ? If the earth is flat , okay .
So what it is . We got it wrong . How does that ? That's the same thing for me as in believing in God and making Jesus my savior . If I am wrong , I've done a hell of a lot of good here on earth , and when I die and don't get to go to heaven , okay , I still did good and I have a legacy to leave for my family that I left behind .
But if God is real , which I do believe , I don't care if the earth is flat or not anymore , because I'm going to heaven exactly what good what are you consuming your life ? what are you listening to ? Because whatever you're putting in here , you're putting out out here .
How does that change anything ? The same thing , with all the political mess that we have , why we pour so much time and energy and effort into it . It consumes our being , it consumes our thinking , it consumes our lives . It's all we can think about , and my thought is that it may not be completely that this .
This husband thinks the earth is flat , of the why the wife is considering divorce . It may be just the obsessive nature where this is the only thing he ever wants to do and talk about and she's like just give it a freaking rest , man . Okay , so you think the earth is flat ? All right , great , continue to live your life .
You still have a family who loves you , who depends on you , who needs you . Be there for them .
So if the Earth is flat because I've not dove into any of this conspiracy , because one I don't care If the Earth is flat , what's underneath the Earth ? What's underneath the earth ? Is it like the floating city from Marvel , when the Avengers were trying to save you know , the part of the earth was lifting up .
Yes , sorry , what was it ? I don't remember the name of the city , the place , wow .
Yes , but it was on the one with Tron .
Yes , no , no , no , Tron's completely different .
No , no , no , not Tron . Tron's a great ride that's short , yes , Too short . You're not helping my brain . Now I want to ride Tron .
I know I do too Twice , so I can get the full experience .
Back to back , just keep going , keep going .
Let's just run it back . Do it a second time .
No , it was the guy who was trying to take over .
¶ [Ad] The Brief
You've got me at a loss . I don't know there's been a lot . He was on .
Boston Legal .
Oh , Ultron .
Ultron . See , I had Tron , right , you're kind of right .
Kind of right , alan Shore . He was also Robert California .
Yes , that was the only thing I could think of at the moment to make you understand .
Yeah , I did not like that .
Yes , we were not a fan of that one , that's the worst of all the Marvel .
No , we'll hold up now . No , no , no . No , there's been some awful ones . The Eternals is that the one ? That was the freaking worst thing ever put out ? I feel like a lot of the garbage . They should have just ended it all with Endgame and been done with it , hence the name Endgame . Just let it be what it is , because ,
¶ (Cont.) Debating Conspiracies and Values
anyways , we're way off topic . But , Ultron sucks .
Right , that one is where the city goes up , the city goes up . But we did get Wanda from that one .
We did get Wanda .
So is that what they think is underneath ? Yeah , or is it just flat ?
I don't know , but I bet they spend too much time worrying about it so if the Earth is flat , explain all the depths of the ocean . Well , let's not talk logically now .
No , I don't know any of this .
I don't either .
I have not looked at it , so I'm really confused on how you can think the Earth is flat .
I believe it's a big giant sphere , and that's what I believe , and if it turns out to be flat , then it turned out to be flat .
It's not going to affect anything that I've ever done . All of the astronauts that have gone up to space can literally look down and see that it is turning .
Yes .
I mean normal people , not just astronauts who have been trained by NASA to tell you what they want you to know . Spacex sends up everybody . A guy from Dude Perfect went up to space .
Yes , he did , and then came right back down . What a cool experience .
I know I'm jealous , but and I've already looked into how much that costs I will never be able to go ever .
Probably a lot .
Unless , you know , someone loves this show so much and they're like , yeah , we'll send Monica Powers to space .
Elon Musk , let's go . Let's go , elon .
Right , that'd be so cool If he could just tell everybody else about it . Anyways , how can you not believe what normal people they're like not paid to tell you ? Hey , the earth is round .
Listen , people believe . I think it's been known well enough people believe what they're going to believe , and it's hard to change people's opinions on things . But when it comes to this stuff that we're so closed fisted on and we will not let it go , what , what good is it really doing ?
it makes me think of the new movie that we saw , for I think it was just the trailer that we watched of it Was CS Lewis , yes , and Darwin .
Yes , with the guy who plays , words are hard . Silence of the Lambs .
That guy , anthony Hopkins . Yes , I was about to say that , that's it .
That's the guy .
Yes , it makes me think of that how you're trying , because CS Lewis was a hardcore Christian atheist to begin with and then he became the Christian and he went to another atheist who literally said that we evolved from monkeys . I still have a hard time , even if who literally said that we evolved from monkeys .
Yep , I still have a hard time , even if , actually , even in the days where I would say there is no God , don't pray for me to your God , because that's a waste of your time Literally said those words .
Yes , you did Not believing .
Not believing , she did not believing . I never could imagine evolving for monkeys .
Well , they're still here .
Why are they still here If we evolve ?
did they just not cook long enough ? You know why they're . They're still here , they're still here .
Why do we still want them here ? Why are we not trying to make them evolve too ?
Listen , there's a lot of a lot of questions .
Things like that . I don't think conversations are held . Conversations are held enough , not arguments , not downing people , telling they're shouting that they're wrong those kinds of things when conversations happen just because you don't agree with what's going on or it's okay if we don't agree .
Right , we have open conversations and you walk away , hey , and we agree to disagree . Still love you , still care about you . You want to go catch the game ? Have a burger .
With the Powers family , we will never talk politics .
No , because , boy , it's nasty . And you know what ? I still love them I still love about them . Believe what you want to believe and I believe what I want to believe , and if you ask me my opinion , we'll talk about it and that's it .
Yeah , I still love you and we all know , don't bring up politics the last thing you want to talk about and like the um the game that was here in birmingham at rickwood field woodfield . Still irritated , we didn't get those tickets after . I got the lottery for it , but we watched , loved it , loved everything about it .
It was well done .
It was well done , very educational , exciting , and it was all happening here in our home state , Yep . But we also found people that thought it was dumb . Why can't you just play baseball ? We don't need to know about that . Thought it was dumb . Why can't you just play baseball ? We don't need to know about this . This was dumb .
But listen , that's fine .
That's their opinion . Yeah , that's fine .
It happened , it was cool . And guess what ? The sun still comes up the next day .
I'm not going to lose sleep over they didn't like what something .
We still move on to the next day .
So maybe like what's something we still move on to the next day . So maybe a conversation needs to be had with this guy . Maybe has he even left the house , you know probably not .
He's probably got his work .
Yes , all that makes me think of the guy from sheaves , from the dukes of hazard at the end of the day , is this grounds for biblical divorce ? No , absolutely absolutely not .
But you need to talk about it and listen . If your husband believes this , he can believe him . Don't fight him . Love him .
Talk to him .
Have conversations with him . That's as far as you can go , but if it's consuming his life , I totally get where you're coming from .
Yeah , why do you need biblical grounds to divorce ?
What do you mean ?
Why I mean she's . Why is she asking for biblical grounds ? I ?
think she just wants to .
She doesn't want to get out yeah .
You need to work through it . Uh , that is definitely not a reason to divorce someone , because I believe there's this flat . Next topic Okay , does the silent treatment work ? My husband said something mean about my appearance this morning , to the point where I cried and walked away .
I have not talked to him and I've only responded briefly when he showed me something on his phone . I didn't even make him breakfast , like I normally do . I have not initiated any conversation because I feel he owes me an apology . I've always apologized to him for speaking out of line , because it does happen to the best of us .
I have no intention of not forgiving him if he admits he was wrong to say something to intentionally make me upset . That was uncalled for and would make his own , make his own mother cry if he had said that to her . I'm very insecure and he used it against me to be cruel . I don't even know what to say to my husband .
It's not like nagging would work , so I literally can't bring myself to say anything , or it would probably be mean . Is it best to keep to myself for the day or is approaching lunchtime ? I would normally always prepare his lunch . I don't want to do it for him . But I'm torn because this feels wrong and petty . Yes it is . Does a silent treatment work ?
Not necessarily .
Did he notice you didn't make him breakfast ?
Exactly .
Obviously , he showed you something on his phone and he didn't care .
My biggest takeaway . What'd he say ?
I want to know if he would have made , if it would have made his mother cry .
Well , what exactly ? Not everybody ?
has the same feelings . Like my , skin's a lot tougher than most people's .
And my thought would be um , if he just showed you something on his phone and went on with his day , he didn't necessarily think of anything of it . You need to tell him , say hey , listen , I want to talk about what you said this morning . This is how it made me feel . I really don't ?
Yeah , I really know that you went and cried .
I really don't appreciate it . It made me really sad , it made me really upset . I let him know no idea .
I'm so sorry and you can move on from that . Does the silent treatment work ? No , no , no . But I also have a problem with her saying that she's not going to forgive him unless he says he's sorry . Sorry , sister , but newsflash . Forgiveness is not for the other person , forgiveness is for you .
Yes , it's clearing your conscience because what this is going to do is it's gonna , it's gonna sit and it's gonna grow and you'll become bitter and you'll become resentful and you'll become hateful and you're going to put yourself in a prison .
My own prison .
By Creed Great band . Next one the difference between true reconciliation and manipulation to get what you want and manipulation to get what you want . As I've studied more on a Christian marriage , I see many say that God always prefers reconciliation over or even after divorce . God hates divorce , god doesn't want any type of divorce at all .
But if the goal of reconciliation is to get back with your spouse or former spouse in case of divorce , then how do you do that with coming across as manipulative , to only get to , to only be able to reconcile , for whatever reason ? How do you ensure your repentance and attempts at reconciliation are genuine ?
So I've kind of thought about this and it goes back to what you just said True forgiveness . True forgiveness does not mean reconciliation . Reconciliation is going to take both people . Forgiveness is for you , it's for one person . You cannot force the other person to reconcile . You cannot make the other person reconcile .
You cannot say anything to make them reconcile . And if you do , yes , it can be manipulation to try and get reconciliation out of it . Only if both people totally want to reconcile and totally are repentant for what happened , only that is when reconciliation can actually happen .
Both people have to want it .
Yes , Both people have to forgive . Like you just said before , forgiveness is for you , it's not for them . You may think it's for them , it's not for them . You may think it's for them , it's not for them . It does not take the other person to forgive .
¶ The Power of Forgiveness and Prayer
If you wait to forgive until you feel like it , it's never going to happen because it's an emotion . The Bible teaches us the heart is the most deceitful among all things , in Jeremiah , chapter 17 . Don't trust your heart on this . You have to be able to forgive , no matter what it was that happened .
And forgiveness does not mean you stay in a relationship , you continue the abuse , you accept the abuse . It does not condone the offense , it does not say the offense was okay , but forgiveness is , so you're not trapped in that prison . Forgiveness is saying God , I'm giving this to you . You work this out because I can't .
So what's the question ? I'm answering again Is it the manipulation over ?
True reconciliation . I think if you're trying to reconcile for the wrong reasons to save face , yes , that can be seen as manipulation . You don't want to manipulate anyone to do anything that they're not prepared to do .
Or are they asking how do we know if it's manipulation ?
I really don't know . They want to maybe know how do you know it's manipulative't know . They want to maybe know how do you know it's manipulative , because they do ask you know how do you do it .
You get back together and the same offense happens again , because if they really wanted to reconcile the relationship , okay , you think they've done that . You get back together , everything's meshed up perfectly , until it happens again , because that means they didn't really care about , they just wanted you back .
And anything can be fixed . Anything that is broken can be fixed , it can be reconciled , it can easily put not easily , but it can be put back together . But it's going to take work .
Absolutely .
It's going to take work , it's going to take time , it's not like depending on the offense , but you can't just say you're sorry and everything's hunky-dory .
and back again , I don't believe it .
It can potentially take years of work and to be able to see is it manipulation or true reconciliation . You're going to have to be able to see the work in that other person . You're going to have to see the steps that were taken . You can say all the right things , but you're going to actually have to go through them and live it out .
And through that , yes , true reconciliation can happen without it being manipulative .
Actions speak louder than words .
But it's going to take time .
We lived through this .
It's going to be painful .
Yes , we didn't trust each other at all .
No , not one in the slightest . And it takes years of work and showing before that trust could be regained again and that's the only way to be able to tell hey , this wasn't manipulation , to be able to get what I wanted out of it . This was true reconciliation , and it's something that continues .
It's not like oh , we hit that date , we hit that time , you did those steps , you did A , b , c and D . Now forgiveness is there , we can reconcile . No , it's something that continues forever .
Everybody can look good on paper .
And are there going to be times where you slip a little bit and you fall ? Sure , but you have to be able to recognize it yeah . Come clean , repent from that which . Repentance is like a mean , dirty word people don't understand . All it means is that , hey , I was doing this and going this one way .
Repentance is just turning around and saying hey , I'm turning away from that , I'm coming back to where I was supposed to be . It takes time , a lot of effort , a lot of work , but man can it be worth it . Last one . Are you ready for this ? Maybe , maybe . What is the best thing someone can do for their spouse when their marriage is struggling ?
My marriage is struggling . What is the best , most important thing that I can do for my spouse when we're struggling ?
I feel like this is the easiest question out of all the ones you've asked .
I agree .
On three . We'll say it at the same time . You say it first , same time , so you say it first why ? Because you don't think you're ready . One , two , three communication , you should talk about it . Power , because guess what you can pray together that was excellent .
Yes , communication , that's great but seriously talk about it , because when you know , it's out there . That's how you can pray for somebody . Yes , 100% , I think mine was more , because if they don't know , how are you supposed to fix anything ?
I think mine was more of a generalization .
Listen , if you're mad at somebody and you feel like your marriage is falling apart , absolutely pray for them . But if the other person does not know , how is prayer going to fix it when you can't communicate together ? When you communicate , yes , pray for your spouse , Always pray for your spouse .
But when you communicate and know that there's a problem , that's when you're communicating you can pray together .
Yes .
Where two or three are gathered .
He is present . Know , I communicate , you're struggling . Yes , you have to talk about you , have to communicate about it um most of the time the other person doesn't know about it .
My thought was you should always , whether your marriage is in a struggle or not , you should always pray for your spouse and not saying I pray for you and we're not struggling I pray for you if we're struggling whether we're struggling or I pray for you , Whether we're struggling or not . I pray for you every day , usually multiple times a day .
And I don't even have to tell you hey , I prayed for you today .
No , I never tell you . It's just because it's not something I have to communicate to you . It's a conversation between me and God . That , hey , I'm praying for you .
I pray for your health and your well-being and your thoughts and your wisdom and your purpose , and the students at school and the softball team and just everything that goes on for you to be able to have relationships with people and friendships and guide people and lead people . I pray for that every day and that just God is present in all of it .
It's something we should do every single day , for our spouse is praying for them , you know . Just pray that they have a good day , pray that they sleep well , pray that they love well .
They wake up and their back doesn't hurt .
Pray for those little small things Go such a long way , and I will tell you that when you're angry with your spouse or someone , you can't be angry with someone when you pray for them .
No , you cannot .
It's impossible If you're saying God , I pray that my wife has a great day and I pray she finds joy in what she's doing . I know she's got this meeting coming up today . I know she's stressed out about it . God , just give her peace in that . Be with her . Give her the words . You cannot be angry with someone when you're doing that .
Pray for your spouse constantly , every single day , every single moment you can and you want to know how to have a great marriage . Pray for your spouse .
Couldn't agree more .
Not pray something selfishly for them , but pray for them and their walk with Jesus , and what that needs to look like .
Don't be the person that's going to man . I pray that he would do the dishes . I mean God , can he just take out the trash without me having to tell him ?
Instead , God pray for my husband to have some wisdom . Yeah , God , lead him in his steps .
There's a whole different light to shed on things like that , the way you're praying for people .
God , have him focus his eyes only on you , and those are the types of prayers where God can do these small little things and these small little things can add up to these big things and make such a huge difference , not just in
¶ Praying for Your Spouse
your marriage , but in your lives , your spouse's lives . That's going to pay dividends forever . Pray for your spouse , it goes such a long way .
It does .
Anything else you want to add ? Any final thoughts ?
The earth is round .
The earth is round . If your husband's a flat earther , don't necessarily divorce him . But you know , maybe talk to him about it . Pray for him , pray for your spouse . God , give this man some wisdom .
Real wisdom Let him know . Not from his conspiracy theory friends .
Let him know about it . All right , we got to go . All right , god . Let him know about it . All right , we got to go All right . God , we love you . We are so thankful just for our relationship and our marriage . We know deserve it and you gave it to us and you've trusted us with it and we're so thankful that you are fully involved in it .
We pray for this podcast , for everyone who listens , the people who need to hear what they need to hear . God , just pray that you will allow it to reach their ears and help them in some sort of way and just be driven towards you and fix everyone's eyes on you .
We love you and we thank you in Jesus name , amen , amen , play ball .