¶ Marriage
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ?
why aren't people getting married anymore ?
a new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .
Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married . So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't ? If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage and relationship podcast in the world . We're your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers , and before we ever even get started , we had a milestone .
At least it's a milestone for us Now , for others may think oh , that's real sweet and real cute , but I think it's incredible and it'll be a few weeks before anyone hears this because we're recording in advance , but yesterday we had 25,000 downloads through the podcast . It's not including YouTube and the things going on there , but that's incredible .
Is that good for a podcast ?
I think it's pretty good . I mean , we're no Joe Rogan , we're not . These huge celebrity podcasts are getting millions and millions of downloads . But , for little old people from . Kalira Alabama 25,000 downloads , I think is quite an accomplishment , so we just want to say thank you .
Yeah , thank you .
Some way . Somehow everyone has not everyone , but a lot of people have continued to listen . They've come back , they found us and just thank you . Who would have ever thought that , at the beginning of all this , 25,000 downloads would be a thing ?
And who knows , by the time this comes out , maybe we'll be approaching 30 . Who knows ?
Because what we've seen over the last few weeks is just it's more and more and nothing that we would have ever expected .
So I just want to say thank you to everyone who has listened , who gave this a shot , especially those who came back and said maybe they're not complete bozos , those who may have found a little bit of entertainment , a little bit of guidance . Maybe a little something to be helpful to them is really all that we ever really wanted .
Yeah , tell your friends and it's amazing that that's happened . So we're so thankful for that and continue to listen . Hopefully we continue to bring some value , a few laughs , and , like it , subscribe to listen .
Uh , hopefully we continue to bring some value , a few laughs and , you know , like it , subscribe to it , give us reviews , download it , um , on all the different platforms keep the messages coming , keep the messages coming . Uh , the social media , you know , find us on on all of it . Uh , we'd love to , you know , interact with you .
If you've got questions , uh , we're here to try and answer them . There's no topic that's off limits , as I think we've probably described or been able to show that there's nothing we won't talk about . We've been pretty much an open book with all of it , so all questions are welcome . So again , thank you , thank you , thank you .
Would have never in a million years expected to see that .
Yes , thank you to all 38 countries and 722 cities , and we have a new number two .
Who is our new number two ? We ?
have to give a shout out for the new number two .
Who you got .
All right , still by a large margin , is Los Angeles , california . Thank you , la .
Thank you , LA , for showing us some love .
But our new number two is San Jose , california , san .
Jose , they love us in California , I'm okay with it they must like the Southern accent . Maybe , I don't know .
Then holding strong . At number three is New York City , and at number four now is Miami , not far behind , and then we have good old A-Town .
Good old Alabaster , alabama , not Atlanta , our hometown Atlanta . Heyaster , alabama , not Atlanta , our hometown Atlanta . Hey , atlanta , step up .
Atlanta is in the top ten .
They are , they're right there , so it's incredible to think about it's mind-blowing . It really is .
I don't really know what people I don't . Let's be honest I have a podcast , I'm on a podcast , or whatever . I have a podcast , I'm on a podcast , or whatever . I don't listen to podcasts .
No , you don't listen to us . You don't listen to any of them .
I don't listen back to this .
No , you don't .
So when people that I know actually listen and they laugh hysterically , they text me . That was hilarious . I'm like what are you talking about ?
What do you even mean ? Which one ? Because the stuff that did we talk like the things that are coming out this week were recorded three , four weeks ago , so you know it takes time . You're like well , wait a second . What did we talk about ?
I don't remember even saying that I and you don't even necessarily know until you may see social media like oh my god . I actually did say that .
That's what my face looked like in that situation , but well , I don't do any of the social media because , you know , in the beginning of all of this you're like you're handling all this and that was the dumbest idea because you're like no I don't care about social media , and that sounds like it's a popular thing to say , oh , I'm so off of social media , I'm
there's .
There's great benefits to it . There is and I think , there's a lot of negatives to it . It's created a lot of really hateful , mean , dumb people , but there is a lot of value there if you use that tool in the right way right , like the guy that you sent me the um little recording of the podcast that you listen to yes the doctor he was .
He was a brand . He was on carl lintz's new podcast , which I've been listening to , which has been really good , but he had a , a doctor , a neuroscientist , on there and I . He was talking about devices and the dopamine hits and it was really really good , but I sent it to you because , like , this is dead on .
But he said , smartphones create dumb people that's exactly what's happening and he's dead on and he we've treated dopamine where we just want to dump it all as much as we can . He said we need to take dopamine like an IV drip , just small little doses , instead of just dumping on us .
And then he said that's what smartphones especially have done Video games , movies , all of it has done and we just take these huge dopamine hits and it just destroys us . But it was really good , really really good .
That's only going to cause people to have dementia even sooner in life .
He actually even talked about dementia and Alzheimer's and that , amongst other things , was really really , really good episode .
But it does make it into a TV show .
I'll watch it .
Then you make a documentary documentary You're there all day long .
You know what ? I'll just record some stuff . I'll throw it on the TV .
You'll never know the difference . You'll mix it up . It'll all be .
It'll all be the exact same thing . I got some mixing skills . I can throw that out there for you . Um , but no , we would have never expected this and this is incredible that people are listening , um , and hopefully it's pretty good as . I've kind of looked at well , you can't and I don't Google it right now because you're going to get into a rabbit hole .
You don't want to get down and you're going to do that anyways . But essentially , if you get anywhere from 50 to 100 downloads in this first seven days of your podcast , you're within the top 50 of all podcasts that are out there , which is pretty crazy . Now again , we're never going to be the main ones of the world because they're just .
They have all sorts of backing , huge celebrities , huge stuff all sorts of money to back us and we're not gonna say no well , yeah , it depends on who it is .
Now I mean I'm not gonna take backing from just anybody . Yeah , um , I mean I look at live golf . I'm not gonna take saudi money .
Okay , just not gonna take the saudi money like if they will allow jesus to be played on a podcast in saudi arabia , we will take j Jesus money all day . It's for the kingdom and if it's going to grow the kingdom , we will take Saudi money .
Maybe you have changed my mind , just a little bit Maybe . But just to say all that , thank you to everyone who's listening and who has 25,000 downloads , beginning this three years ago , and I know we haven't been consistent with it .
Oh no , we've been real consistent lately yes In the beginning , no no , we didn't know what we're doing .
No , we had no clue . Like , oh yeah , we'll record something and throw it out there . Yeah , that's fine . Uh , but we've learned a little bit , and never in a million years where we have thought that 25,000 downloads would have ever been something that would have ever been achievable .
So , thank you so much , uh , but I want to talk today about an article that you sent me a couple days ago . That's uh , women are telling the hardest parts of marriage that no one wants to talk about . Are you ready ? You you sure ? wait what you gotta stop googling stuff okay you just gotta stop googling stuff . Mine's all over the world .
So women are saying there's an article that was posted and they're wanting to hear from women the hardest parts of marriage that nobody wants to talk about , that they weren't aware of , which I'll agree . There's parts of the marriage that you didn't expect to happen . There's things that you thought would be easier than what it is , harder than it is .
But some of these , some people see marriage as absolute work .
Right , and it's the old saying is very true Find something you're passionate about . You'll never work a day in your life , even though it is technically considered work . Um , and there's work that needs to be put into a marriage , but I never look at it as work because it is something we're so passionate about .
I'm passionate about you , passionate about us and our family , and so to me , that is not work .
Exactly that . That's our mindset . It would be a lot easier for other people maybe if they had that same mindset , but it's .
we say this at church all the time it's not a got to , it's a get to , and it really is something we get to do . We're fortunate to be able to do this , but unfortunately , a lot of people don't see that at all .
So what have not read any of these ? No , so what what are women complaining about ?
What are women complaining about ? Complaining ? And then there's some that are , you know , just some strictly like man . This is , uh , this really puts things
¶ Maintaining Self-Care and Morale in Relationships
into perspective . Okay , uh , one of them , this lady , says I'm responsible for keeping morale up for my entire household while struggling to take care of my basic needs , running myself into a depressive episode which in turn , affects the morale of my basic needs , running myself into a depressive episode which in turn , affects the morale of my entire household .
It's exhausting . I have to repeat to myself fake it till you make it every single day . That's tough to hear , that's really tough to hear . Fake it till you make it . So you're faking it in your marriage to make it every single day .
Why are you having to fake it ?
It's a good question .
It takes two to make a thing go right .
It does . Well , you know , she says she feels responsible story yes . And there's all . And she may be a hundred percent right . She may have a husband who is come home from work , give me my beer , stick my hand , stick my hand down my pants . Like Al Bundy , watch TV and demand the world . And , yeah , she's responsible for everything .
And that is definitely not a marriage that's equally yoked the way that it was designed . So , yeah , I feel that , but there is a second side to this .
Hold on . You also have to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people . So if you are filling your cup with things that are not going to fill somebody else's cup , you're not actually taking care of them , you are just surviving .
You're running on fumes at the end of the day .
Your tank is empty . It is and that's exactly what it sounds like . She's not taking care of herself and , yeah , I can see where it'd be a burden to do all of those things . But either way , go for a walk , get way more exercise than you should . I say this all the time Exercise gives you endorphins , and endorphins make you happy , and happy people .
Just don't shoot their husbands .
Thank you , Elle Woods . But it's true . Yeah , you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others . Your analogy of filling your cup is's true . Yeah , you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others . Your analogy of filling your cup is so true . What we pour into people's lives is what's overfilling from our cup .
So if she's just completely depressed and the one that's having to be the moral , what did she say ? It was .
Keeping up morale .
Morale . If she doesn't have any to give , is she giving off ? Does that make sense ?
that makes total sense .
So if she's the one who's having to do all this is the way she feels , that is making her depressed . So if she is full of depression , she's only going to pour that out into everybody else . I don't care how much you fake it till you make it . If you are depressed , it's not something that can be just faked .
No , it can't .
When you are down and depressed and any of those things , you're not going to have any morale .
No , you're not , and you know . I mean , that's definitely something that it can be hard for people to really grasp . That , yeah , and to understand that .
And I , you know , when I think about filling our cup and what it is with , we say in church too , and a lot of people say , well , you don't have a relationship with Jesus , I don't need to go to church , that's between me and God . That's not true .
And the reason church is so important , to be able to gather with other people is because you're filling up your cup . At that point in time . You're getting your cup filled with other people . Why ? So you can do that throughout the week and you can do that with all the people that you're around , and you can do that with the people that you interact with .
So you're not throwing out that depressive state .
And if you are filling it up with the things of this world , or you're watching nothing but social media and you're just scrolling nonsense and you have the depressive state , or you're filling it with alcohol or whatever it is , that's the kind of stuff that's going to spill over into the rest of your family and the people you interact with , and if you're spilling
that over into whatever's already happening , do you think that situation's gonna get any better ?
It's definitely not , no .
So to be able to change that ? You're right , it's a mindset . Take some time . It's a mindset . Take 30 minutes to yourself , go for a walk , go sit in quiet .
A lot of praying .
A lot of praying , talk to God , sur yourself with people who care about you .
Not people who are going to agree with you and continue to put your husband down . You're right and agree in every single situation that you are right .
¶ [Ad] The Brief
Yes , you need some people who are going to set you straight , which is this next one is really really good that people did not like a whole lot . What ?
do you mean it is , give me just a second .
What do you mean ? It is Give me just a second what one of these women said .
Oh , there's , comments .
Oh , there's comments . Oh people , it was more of a hate . Women , tell us what you're seeing , tell us what you're expecting , what you're seeing , and then so they wanted response . They wanted some feedback . Oh , the woman who is having morale issues .
Yes , this one lady said I'm sad to see a lot of these comments are about what they resent about their marriage . I was going to say that sometimes the hardest part is turning the mirror on yourself and realizing
¶ (Cont.) Maintaining Self-Care and Morale in Relationships
your contribution to the problem and being humble enough to admit it and work on it . It's a challenge but also very rewarding when both are willing to do the same . Love my husband . We've been together for almost 18 years .
It takes two to make a thing go right . I mean , that was literally the first thing I said .
It does . It takes both of you . And we've talked about where marriage is never 50-50 . It may be close , you may be 50.1 and 49.9 . You may be really close . Hardly ever is it 50-50 .
And there are days where I come in and I'm like , and if you know your spouse well enough , you can sense that it's like all right , well , I'm going to pick up that other amount that they're not able to do , and it's important to be able to one realize that two not able to do , and it's important to be able to one realize that , to be able to communicate
that . But three , billing , be willing to maybe sacrifice a little bit and saying , all right , man , he's had a terrible day and man , he's just been going through it the last couple of weeks . I'm going to pick it up , I'm going to be , and it goes both ways , the same thing for the wife . Man .
If you came
¶ Living in the Moment vs. Documenting
home the other day , you were just exhausted , had so much to do and you were saying that there was something that you wanted to cook that night . I can't remember what it was .
I don't remember what it was , but yes , I was like oh , cook dinner .
You just sat down and you're like , oh , I'm going to go cook dinner . I said you're going to sit down and I'm getting food delivered .
And it was just and that was a relief as as insignificant as that seems . That was just like a , that was a burden off my shoulders where I'm like you know what .
I don't have to do anything else for the rest , and I was able to just kind of breathe and relax and just get to settle in and then spend time with you and the kids and just be , enjoy each other , because you know we don't get to spend all the time in the world with each other .
So those moments that we have , we have to embrace those and be in the moment in those moments and we are in the moment .
People , oh , big time , big , big , big time we need , like a documentary crew or photographer with us at all times . You know people want these massive things .
Tllc if you're listening , remember when TLC used to be the learning channel and now it's just a bunch of nonsense .
So we're nonsense .
No , I'm just saying , you know why I'm kidding .
I was being facetious saying that we need somebody like that . I just want somebody to take pictures of us when I don't know when I need them , because we are so in the moment , unlike most people who are constantly in their smartphones .
That's making them dumb taking pictures I gotta talk if you don't document , and it didn't happen and there are what great things about doing that , and we do need to be better about that , but there's a fine line and a a line to balance between taking video and pictures of every little thing that happens and then just being in the moment and enjoying it and
creating that memory that will last a lifetime .
Our kids love to go back through the or Amazon photos .
Yes .
It shows you all the memories that happened on that day Years past . They love it .
It's one of their favorites . They ask about it every single day .
They really do . Sometimes it gets really annoying , but , like today , they looked back and today is our son's 12th birthday and he got up early . We all went to bed really late because we stayed up till .
We were up till like 2 am .
We stayed up to tell him happy birthday at midnight . You know just the fun things . None of that was documented . Like this morning , when he was opening his birthday presents , like at what ? 8 o'clock .
Yep , he's ready to go .
None none of it . We didn't even think about taking pictures .
We probably should have realistically we should have maybe taking a video , a couple pictures , but we , we are not how our brain works . We're like we like to live in the moment .
We like to put the phones away it's like you watch a sporting event and everybody's holding up their phone getting that great shot . It's going to be on .
ESPN . Well , it's going to be that , or you can easily search all those other shots that were taken so you don't have to take it . Like Red Sox Yankees were last night and we started watching it early , but then we watched the first couple innings , then we got to art night , we watched a movie , we had dinner and all that .
Watched a movie , we had dinner and all that . And whenever we were done playing a game I was like let me just check the score . They were down three . I was like , oh , come on Red .
Sox , y'all are terrible .
And after we got done at like midnight I was like , oh , let me just check it . Oh my gosh , they won . It took 10 seconds for me to be able to find what happened .
the highlights and you know what we watched the highlights . I was able to watch it . I was like that's amazing , that's great .
I love that . So you know it's out there , you don't have to record every single .
And I see where people would want to go . Okay , well , this is a moment we're never going to get back . Well , after something happens , it literally goes to the past .
If you stop filling your brain with all the things those dopamine adrenaline rushes that mean absolutely nothing , all those TikTok videos that you scroll through all day how about scrolling through the Rolodex of your own brain and remembering the events that happened in your own life , like Pam and Jim on the Office when they were getting married ? You know ?
yep those little mental snapshots . Your brain is going to turn to mush . I've got videos and pictures of us and the kids and you and I and all sorts of things and I can go back and look at those at any time .
But there are a handful of moments , especially with our kids , and then that's just with you and I that they are those mental milestones , and they're always there and I can go to those at any moment , anytime I want , and , boy , I can go to those at any moment , anytime I want and , boy , I can cherish those .
And that's something sacred between you , between me , between us and our kids , and something that the two of us , or the four of us , we're able to share in that moment and we don't need something to go back on because we can talk about that and we can laugh about it and we can reminisce about that and just reflect on hey , that's where we were in that
certain season and look where we are now , look where it's got us now , and we can benefit from that so much .
Like the Christmas this past Christmas , we spent Christmas with the family in California . Cash got to surf for the first time . You're trying to help him and helping him . It was like it was his very last stroke .
He was about to be done . We got a couple minutes , man , and we got to get out of here . We're beat .
He might have gotten up for two seconds . And it was so fantastic because everybody that was there with us we were all jumping up and down .
Arms raised in the air . We were going crazy .
That's not documented , but it is in our mind . We know the smell in the air , the temperature of the water . All of those things were burned in our brain because it was a dopamine hit that we will absolutely remember , not because we were scrolling like this no , you're exactly right and the six of us who were there and experienced it .
It's a memory we all have together . We'll always talk about it together . We can share that memory through our own insight together . It's the same way the Bible was written through eyewitness accounts and you're able to dive into what happened through those eyewitness accounts .
The same things with our memories and what we do every day and how we're able to bring those to life through our stories and be great storytellers .
If people could only get on board .
Man , if people could only get on board , that would . Could only get on board , that would be great .
But if anybody else has some kind of reasoning behind why you're doing all that . I feel like was it 51st dates with adam sandler and drew barrymore yes I mean , if you've got that kind of memory , I understand you have to play something every morning to get , I understand . But besides something that is that crucial , what's the point of documenting it all ?
That is true .
Not everything in history was documented .
No .
But it's written down , but it's written down as in years later . Oh yeah , on this day , blah , blah , blah , blah blah .
It's very true . I'd be interested to hear the other side of the coin on that . A couple more for you . Real quick , different rates of growth . I can't count how many times I felt like we are diverging on different paths .
We've been married 10 years and I feel like only just now have enough of an understanding of each other and enough historical data to not think that things are hopeless and the marriage was a waste . Every time . We're on different wavelengths .
We're not always going to have the same goals , interests or even values sometimes , but it doesn't mean that the other one has to change right now or think things over . Learning how to be happy with ourselves as individuals , to support each other , even when we feel like we're disconnected , is crucial .
Okay , I think it's just the hey , we feel like we're just not meshing . Maybe we're taking different paths . We have different wavelengths , different thoughts , different ways we're going to do , do certain things , which I can understand that in a sense , but it's it shouldn't last .
If you're talking every day , spending that quality time we talk about every single day , you're not going to get too far off different paths , and I know as individuals we have different goals and different mindsets . You and I have different goals , but we should have goals together .
We know what each other are shooting for and our job is to be there to support that person to get them to that goal .
If I have a goal of something that I want to accomplish , something I want to do , and you know how important that is to me and you realize that , hey , that's a good direction for you to go , because I've given you that authority in my life to say , hey , this is really good and I support you with this , I'll help you with this .
I've also given you that authority to say , baby , I don't think that's best for you , I don't see it . Can you explain it further ? And say , hey , maybe all your attention focused on here isn't the best thing , and we have to have people in our lives to be able to do that .
I can understand going on different paths , but if you get too far away from each other , it's going to be so difficult to come back . And this reads to me of a well , you go live your truth in your life and I'm going to go to live my truth in my life . Maybe we'll cross paths and be on the same wavelength , but if we're not , who cares ?
We're going to do our own thing . It's more of a selfish behavior is the way I see it .
They're roommates .
That's almost what it sounds like .
Because if you're , if you are not each other's passion period , I understand that we can have different wants and different needs , but if you don't make each other each other's passion like you , for example , I could care less about what goes on with Whirlpool .
We love you , Whirlpool .
We do , they're our business .
That is true .
But I don't know all the ins and outs . And when our company does something really good , like at the last um the conference , we won something we won an award and honestly it doesn't I mean , it affects me , but it doesn't but the fact that you were so excited and completely shocked that the company got it that made me excited has .
I know nothing about it , but you can ramble on about whatever is going on and I will hang on every word because it matters to you and that's how it should be like when I was wrestling , because it matters to you and that's how it should be . Like when I was wrestling , you could care less .
You one hated me doing it because you thought I was going to get hurt , but you were there to support me every single time . Yep , I had a goal . I achieved that goal and that was nothing to do with you , but you supported me .
And that's that's . I think the most important part is to know that one . This is right for my spouse and I'm going to jump in this with them and support them . I may not fully understand it , but I know how important it is to them , so I'm going to be there with them every step of the way . I'm going to guide them .
Hey , when they make a poor decision , I'm going to be there with them every step of the way . I'm going to guide them . Hey , when they make a poor decision , I'm going to be there to correct it in a loving and kind way and to get them back on that track to be able to achieve the goal that they want to achieve .
And the individual goals are great , but if it doesn't mesh with the goals of the marriage and together , then there's no point in having those individual goals , because what one does affects the other and if we do it according to the Bible to become one , it's so important for us to be able to mesh together and work together as one here .
Here's the , here's the one that really
¶ Prioritizing Love in Marriage
brings all this home . Okay , and I see several of these throughout the comments and there's stuff on here . You know the amount of time you'll spend in the bathroom because he poops for hours and a mother-in-law drama and not being able to talk about sex , and just there's all that kind of normal stuff that you hear .
That's just like negative piling on top of the negative , negative , negative .
I have to do all the housework . He doesn't do this . I there's . There's plenty of those here's where none of that stuff matters . The hardest part is when they're gone . Didn't did you tell them enough how much you love them or help them when they needed it ? It haunts me to this day that he doesn't know how much I loved him . Wow .
Now that puts all of this minor stuff in perspective , because there'll be a time where you're gone , as the one thing we all have in common , we're all going to die one day . At one point in time , our time is going to be up .
So the fact that he and this goes both ways , but since this was women answering the fact he didn't take out the trash , or the fact that he didn't do something the way you wanted it , to the fact that he pooped for hours , the fact that he did this or did that , does all that matter so much ?
Or just being able to know how much you care for them , how much you love them , how much they mean to you , how special they are to you , because the truth is you don't know when they're going to be gone . It could happen at any moment , at any time , and I can safely say that if I were to go tomorrow , you would know what you meant to me .
Absolutely .
And I feel the exact same way . If I were to go tomorrow , you would know what you meant to me Absolutely , and I feel the exact same way that if I were to go tomorrow , totally , and vice versa . So just the takeaway is think about it in that perspective , because this is your spouse , this is who you've married Till death . Do you part ?
But one day death will come and you will have to part . So what do you do with that ? How do you operate every day to make sure that they know how much you care for them ?
You love like Jesus .
Unconditionally Forgive , forgive , forgive , show grace . You've had to be shown a ton of grace , show grace , show mercy , just show love . You've had to be shown a ton of grace , show grace , show mercy , just show love . You're exactly right . Love the way that Jesus loves and man . Everything else works out for the better .
Every single time .
Every single time .
Any final thoughts before we get out of here , mm-mm .
Mm-mm I silenced you .
It's just deep .
How did I do that ? All right , let's get out of here . God , we love you . We are so thankful for what you're doing . We're thankful for what has happened .
¶ Unconditional Love and Grace
We're more thankful for what you're going to do From the get-go . This has been given to you and God , just allow it to meet the people that it needs to meet , reach the ears that need to hear it and just provide some sort of value or laughter or whatever it is that someone needs in that situation or whatever's going on in their relationship .
God give them the insight that they need . That all comes from you . We love you and we thank you for what you're doing . In Jesus' name , amen .
Amen Play ball .