Divorce Is On The Mind

here's a question for you is marriage overrated ? Why aren't people getting married anymore ? A new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .

Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married .

So that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you ?

don't . If you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid . Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage and relationship podcast in the world . We are your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers . Baby , how you doing ? I'm just . I love that little head whip .

I don't hear it .

So I can thump this thing we can eat . You know , we got some pizza on the counter .

No , no , no .

Listen , some people love that type of stuff .

Listen , I know If they want to hear us chew . They're going to have to pay us for it .

That could be extra stuff . You ain , I have great man feet . What are you ?

talking about ? Are people obsessed with man feet ? I'd sell your feet .

I'm not selling pictures of my feet to anybody . I cannot be bought . I do not have a number for that . I'm sorry . I know everyone's got a certain number .

Wait till you're asleep . I'm going to take pictures of your feet . No , you won't , because sometimes you kick your feet out . Well , it gets hot sometimes and it's just like your foot's there it is flesh are you gonna get one of ?

my , now I'm hitting the thing you're gonna get one of my , my jacked up toe , where I always kick something . Oh man , the only people remaining are feet people . No one was no , and they're . What is wrong with these people ? They've gone off the rails .

Because my head turned and was like I just saw statistics for last week's downloads .

I looked at it this morning and it's pretty incredible . So thank you , thank you , thank you and thank you .

My mind is blown , absolutely amazing .

Thank you guys for listening . For everyone who is uh listening on spotify , apple , amazon , iheart , pandora , uh , whichever ones that it may be . Thank you guys for listening . Um , it's unbelievable and humbling every time we look at it , uh . So please continue to do so . If we didn't just turn you all off with a man foot talk . But please keep listening .

What I think is cool , the last five episodes . Thank you , africa .

Watch out Africa .

Thank you . South America , europe , I mean .

Worldwide , wow . So thank you everyone who's listening . It's awesome . Find us . Elissa , we'd love to talk to you . If you have ideas , you want to hear something that we need to talk about , let us know what that looks like . Also , thank you to everyone who watches on youtube , um , and everyone who's subscribing there .

We have a new top five .

Oh , who's the new top five ?

Our hometown .

A-Town .

Is out .

Alabaster . Come on , come on , a-town .

All right , los Angeles .

Still , still , still , still , still , still .

You're killing it Still number one , san Jose , holding strong at number two New York . New York is still number three , miami holding at four Phoenix Arizona .

Phoenix Arizona .

What that's so cool . Thank you , that's pretty cool .

I'd love to come out to Phoenix and play some golf . Winter golf in Phoenix would be perfect .

People talk about the heat in Arizona and New Mexico , but in both it's a different heat than here in Alabama .

Our heat sucks . I get that's hot .

Yeah , it's hot . It's a different hot for us .

It is a different hot for us Because we've been in Vegas when it was 110 .

It's like , yeah , it's kind of hot , but it's not that bad Vegas when it was 110 , it's like , yeah , it's kind of hot , but it's not that bad . Listen , we were on the 25th floor of whatever hotel at the pool for long , long time .

We became red lobsters . Yeah , you sunburn easily , but here in the South you walk outside .

But you don't sweat enough to know hey , I'm stupid hot , I need to go inside . Here I walk to the mailbox . My hair is all frizzed up , pouring sweat everywhere . Didn't even know you had sweat glands in some places that you sweat .

It's pretty awful . So , yeah , thank you Phoenix , Thank you for everyone . Again , we cannot say thank you enough . And it's not about us . Then Lord's doing stuff , Bangladesh , as long as he wants to continue to do that , we will continue to do this . Whenever he says , nope , y'all are done , then we will be done and we will listen to that .

What do you mean ?

Just listen and you'll understand . Okay , it's a wedding day , your wedding day . It's a beautiful , perfect wedding day . Everyone is about the wedding . They've forgotten the marriage . But let's worry about the wedding day . Sure , my dad said to me before he walked me down the aisle you don't have to do this if you don't want to .

All three of his he did not want to get a divorce .

Well , I don't know .

The second one was his fault .

He said the wrong name . Third one was his fault too . But still , when you think , as you're walking down the aisle , I'll just get a divorce , not a big deal .

Well , that makes me think , Okay , so we just , we just came back from Orlando Right On vacation . I even took a picture of signs that were stuck in the ground around every $99 divorce . It was like every intersection where there were red lights , like you could stop . You're at the red light and look out the window .

Yeah , I might as well just go ahead and end this sucker right now , if I can she wouldn't spend any more of my money .

Yeah , I'll do it .

So people have this mindset from the beginning , and this young gal is probably not the only one who has had that thought . But it's a terrible thought to have .

But I'm also thinking okay , dad , you paid for this wedding . You obviously knew he was not the guy for her , but you're still going to let her go through with it .

Listen , he was letting her make the choice .

Communication .

Is number one .

I'm sorry , but my son or daughter bring somebody home that I am Nope , somebody home that I am nope . You don't think I'm gonna let them just not hear what I have to say about the person .

well , I think I might tell the person while they're here I think we've done a pretty good job of showing them what a marriage should look like , what they should look at .

That's not what I'm saying , I know , but what I think . This person's an idiot . I'm gonna go cash . Are you freaking , kidding me ? Did you not look up ? She's got eyes . You know ? That's the kind of thing I'm gonna say to my son . Where are you looking at , bro ? Where ?

are your eyes going ?

where ? Why are they just there ? Because you can't see the ignorance that's coming out of her mouth . That kind of thing I will say to my son .

Yeah , I don't think he'll have that problem , though I think he knows exactly what he should be looking for . So I think that if we've done anything for our kids , Maybe , I think hopefully we've done that at the very least .

We're still far away from that .

Oh , yeah , Very long time , Long long long time .

At least that's what my brain tells me I'm gonna do my best .

I want to say that afraidly , so you know he has a new boyfriend every year yeah , every school year . It's not real , so we should start homeschooling yeah no , it's not real . Um so people just get divorced willy-nilly and they're just like obviously this marriage isn't real .

It's only gonna be 99 to divorce , so they just think I'll get a divorce no big deal .

so let me paint you a picture real quick , because a lot of people are probably thinking , no , that'll never be me , I'm not going to be another statistic . But I'm going to paint a picture that could show you yeah , you may be headed down this direction and not even know it .

Paint it .

You come home from work . You and your spouse both work . Maybe you don't work . What ?

All I'm thinking of is old school right now . He came home early and got his wine .

Oh , man Listen .

You set it up just the same way the movie goes mitch comes home early and the wedding toast two people pop out of the closet like a circus .

Sorry , paint the picture again it's not that , not two naked people in the closet coming out now , not , not not having . But you come home , come home from work , you have dinner as a family , you hang out with your kids for a little bit , your kids go to bed , and it's just you and your spouse .

You're definitely not paying attention to whatever is on TV If you're on your .

No , no , no , not at all , but if that's a common habit in your house , you're headed towards this .

Now , for us that's like a never situation , a never situation . The only time that we don't sit on the same couch is when the kids are completely stretched out on the couch .

Well , because our kids have gotten too big for all of us to be on the couch .

True .

They're getting too old . They like to lay down . It just doesn't work anymore .

Or maybe we just need bigger furniture . Maybe , but the kids sleep on the couch and they're stretched out . You can't sit with them anymore because they're so long yep they for some reason think that it's okay if mommy sits on the couch with them , because I'll just rub them to sleep or whatever exactly and you will be on the chair .

You should want to spend time with your spouse I , I , it's time spent .

yeah , exactly , but Exactly Not what I was thinking .

You should want to spend time with your spouse , but I think there's so many people who are stuck in that rut where you're just sitting on opposite sides of the couch . You're not paying any attention to each other .

No one's focused on each other , and that's it , most people , unlike us . The man has his chair .

Yes , we don't have that . We don't have that .

You said , that was a number one thing that said you will not have .

You will not have your chair , because if you have your chair , you're never going to sit with me .

And one of your love languages is physical touch . So if you're sitting in the chair all by yourself and there's not room for two , how am I supposed to fulfill that ?

you can't exactly .

We will never have a chair . That's just a lazy recliner for you , just uh . Oh , I gotta put my feet up . I'm so tired and realistically . I'm so thankful for that because you just get to sit by me all the time .

Exactly which .

that You're in love with your phone .

Yes .

Your phone is now number one in your life .

And that's that's happened for a lot

It is a problem .

That is a problem . Put the phone down .

And don't make work an excuse . No , because when you walk in your house you are no longer on the clock .

Right now , and everyone else's emergency is not your emergency . So that's you . Put the when you walk in the door , put the phone away . Work is over , and I get it . Sometimes there may be something that you have to get done . You need to come home , you need to work for an extra hour , for whatever reason . That's okay .

Every now and again but when it's an everyday thing and get rid of work like okay , I've gotten rid of and then think you need to do work around the house , that was something else . I had to think you have to be doing something for somebody somehow . That's just who you are . I love it .

You've told me that more than once .

This week , true Granted , we were on vacation for half of it .

True .

But you put up our clothes like you on vacation . Most people live out of their suitcases .

I just can't do it .

We were there 30 minutes and everything is out of the suitcase in drawers on a hanger .

It makes me feel better .

It's an Airbnb . It's not our house .

Just makes me feel better .

But I love the way you pack coming home though .

I just shove everything . Nothing matters .

We got to be out of here in 40 minutes . Just shove it all in bags .

Let's go . We got to be out of here in 40 minutes . Just shove it all in the bags , let's go .

And that's probably causing some divorce somewhere somehow .

Probably so .

What else are people saying ?

You let me have that , and I'm appreciative , I'm very , very appreciative for that .

But I get the packing on the way there , which is that's listen , that's your thing .

You love that so much and I don't have to be prepared because I as much as I am um , you know , I want to put all the stuff away and have it organized when we get there . Listen , I would pack to go there the same way we pack to go home .

I know , let's just throw stuff in bags and let's get out of here our children would do the same thing oh , they totally would but now they just they know that I'm going to do that , so they get their outfits and come just put them on the bed . Mom , will this work ?

Yeah , and it's like all right , you're 80% done , you need to go swap these out . It's just a process . It's a process Another one who realized that their marriage was over pretty quickly . His mom told me thank you for marrying my son . You can do better , but he can't .

wow

Yes .

I want to punch her in the face .

That's a rough one right there , but she says she was definitely right that it was . She could have done better .

She could have done better she could have done better , but if no one had ever told her that , you don't know what kind of little plants that may have put in her brain , what seeds ? Or the mother just said that to set her up Cause she knew that she didn't . She didn't like her anyways .

Yep .

That would totally be a me move .

Here's a funny one that God was trying to tell her she didn't need to get married . My mother and I got food poisoning the day before the wedding .

Oh no .

My matron of honor was covered in chicken pox scabs and it rained . God was clearly trying to tell me don't go through this with this . But did I listen ? Of course not . Everything is going wrong . What could possibly go wrong ? And then you know these people are all recognizing it from the beginning .

How do you expect this to turn out ?

Just don't get married , because what's going to happen is you do get into that marriage and you begin to become roommates . You become to hate each other , you don't want to be around each other , you resent each other and it makes for just a long drawn out , just kind of waste .

Here's a thought Most people that become roommates are because they have kids . They put their kids first of in front of their spouse . What happens to the people who do not have children , whether they didn't want them or they couldn't have them ? How long does it take for them to become roommates , or is that the way to go ? I like the statistic on that .

There's got to be some sort of stats out there .

I see the wheels spinning in your eyes , because I know you're a stats guy .

Oh , a big stats guy .

But I mean , I'm sure that there are more couples with children than without . Maybe .

I want to say more have children than don't right .

Well , I don't know .

Probably not anymore .

Because your dad's one of nine Mm-hmm . Only two siblings had kids .

All right , here's . Here's your stat . Believe it or not . The divorce rate for couples with children is 40 percent lower than those without children . So people are getting divorced more who don't have kids , and here's why I think that .

They are your roommates . They don't have any distraction .

There's part of that , but I think the overall part is that people are selfish . Like you know , we don't have kids , who cares ? Let's just go . I think that's the mindset as well . We just have our stuff , we don't have kids .

What's the leading cause of divorce for those people ? Because makes me think , if it's , oh well , it's just the two of us . 99 I'm through with her you know , but did one of them lie to each other , saying , oh yeah , I don't want kids , and it turns out they do because , well , I'm , I'm married .

Right here as I was searching

Period , not just people with kids or without kids .

Number one reason people are getting married is for financial security . Second comes companionship . Third , love . Fourth form a formal act of making a commitment . Fifth to start a family . Sixth , convenience , medical insurance . Legal reasons , societal and family pressures . Number one , though , for financial security , I'm going to marry someone .

That's rich .

Apparently so , apparently so , it's wild to think about .

So people are marrying to have a sugar daddy perhaps I didn't think you're supposed to be married to a number one reason number one reason for a divorce with people without children infidelity , extramarital affairs ah , so they stop having sex with each other and just have sex with other people that's .

That's the mindset . That's stupid . Well , that is stupid . It's not the way it was designed .

That's not how it was set up .

That's why the people are getting divorced . Matt Bowers , you know , I've said it a million times If we would have just done things the way God designed them from the get-go , we'd have so fewer problems than we have in the world .

Well .

But because we all thought we're all so smart and we're all you know no better and we're going to do it our own way . Look at where it has gotten us .

I still blame Adam and Eve .

At the end of the day , the end of the day , eve took the apple Listen .

Adam stood right beside her and he didn't stop or slap it out of his hand . He's supposed to be .

She's supposed to submit to him right ? Well , he did not let that happen and this is why I will , always and forever and it was girls are the devil . It was so funny to me boys are stupid that when god shows back up and they're , they're hiding in shame and they're hiding immediately why are you hiding ? Well , immediately , adam just throws eve under the bus .

She held a gun to my head and made me take a bite wrong it reminds me she , she took the bite first and said , oh , I'm so much smarter than him . If he didn't bite this , he ain't getting this anymore .

He was like , okay , I'll take a bite it reminds me , in dumb and dumber , when they're at the , they're at the little cafe and sea bass comes up to harry and lloyd is just like pointing that's , that's what adam did to eve . He just threw her under the bus , right there .

like how in the world , why would you do this to me ? Because he , just he , he threw under the bus ?

who told you you were naked ? Uh , exactly , uh , it's all his fault . She's the one who took the apple . She's the one who took it . You told her not to . I tried to tell her , but she wouldn't listen to me . She thinks she can make her own decisions . It's a wonder they didn't get a divorce right then and there right .

I wonder what divorce costs back in those days .

Listen , I don't think the internet could tell me that one . I can try to search long and hard and it's just not going to happen .

That's great .

So you know , people get divorced way too easily . Now it's it's . You got to fight for your marriage . You got to fight for your spouse , and not with your spouse , but for your spouse .

The number one reason people are getting married is financial security . The number one reason for divorce is infidelity .

Infidelity .

What's the number two ?

It is lack of compatibility , whatever that means .

That's how that's let me tell you why . Because number three on the list of reasons to get married is for love financial stress .

I'm gonna get a man with some money . First let me make sure he's he's got thick pockets money's number one number one , and I mean I can fall in love with his money . First let me make sure he's he's got thick pockets money's number one .

Number one , and I mean I can fall in love with his money well , there's .

There's that thought , there's that mentality . I know there's a a group of young women out there who are like of my , I will not even give a guy a shot who doesn't make more than a hundred thousand dollars a year . I will not give a guy a shot who doesn't have this , this , this and this , and it's all material stuff .

I want to say it was called dog yes , cash .

Loved it with channing tatum .

That's it , yeah cash loved it because it had a dog in it . He's obsessed with dogs , so do you remember this scene where he goes , I think he's in a bar and he's trying to pick up women and and every woman . He has a different job . He's trying to figure out what he needs job-wise , what he needs to do financially for a woman to sleep with him .

Yep .

I couldn't imagine . I feel like that's something that you only see on reality TV , like the basketball wives , the football wives , the housewives of whatever thing . Right , that's the kind of person I see , only marrying somebody for money , because if he ain't got money he can't support me and my 12 kids and I think it's even more of a .

If he doesn't have money , he can't buy me the things that I think that I deserve , when the truth is we don't deserve anything .

I mean , there's literally a song that's called can't buy me love we don't deserve any of the things .

You and I , we don't deserve any of the things that we have not at all but there's that mentality I couldn't imagine have I ever been that way ?

maybe , maybe I need to roll through my rolodex do we have enough time ? I don't know I'm trying to . I'm just to my 30s I . I can see it the wheels flying through your head right now it's gonna take me a while to get back to my college days . Oh boy , let's not even think about I said we don't , we don't want to get down that road .

We don't want to do that at all , but it all boils down to , you know , people who are regretting marriage , people who are getting divorced . It's all selfish behavior . It's all about me that that that painted picture of you sitting on the opposite side of your couch watching your phone with the tv on , not paying any attention to your spouse it's selfish .

Take a run .

The freaking floodgates are wide open of all this stuff . I'm just scroll , scroll , scroll , scroll scroll , instead of just taking time being intentional with your spouse .

I really think carpal tunnel is going to be on the rise in the next five years .

Because of all , because people won't stay off of it . Well , I think people are going to have like neck and back problems ?

Oh no , that's already the neck , thing's already a thing .

This is all it is .

The neck thing is already a . Thing .

Because we're constantly looking down . I've talked to .

Dr Stubbs about this , our chiropractor . I was like I I've seen these things lately on commercials where they're kind of shrugged down like this he goes . Stop , you do not have that . I was like , okay , I mean , I know I'm not on my phone enough to do it he goes . No , it is blatantly obvious he goes .

I mean , I don't have the best posture , but I'm here , but I don't have shoulders rolled forward and look like a chicken . I don't even know how I can make my . I don't think I can make my body do that .

I'm trying .

Doing the best you can , but it's not working .

I was like oh , thank God , god , I'm just jacked up in the funky neck . It's crooked or something but it's a .

It's a real , real thing . Hence the reason divorce is still around 50 and I'd be willing to bet , as more studies come out , these things are going to be one of the biggest causes for it is that even like on the thing that you're looking ? Uh , no , it was not .

Did you look to see if that was I did ?

not , but it was . I did not see any of them .

It's worth a look .

Do phones cause divorce ? Absolutely , they do .

Of course that's not going to be somebody's search , because nobody will admit .

I don't know Whenever I said do phones the very first thing that popped up . You know how to finish your sentences Do phones cause cancer ? Was the first thing that popped up . You know how to finish your sentences do phones cause cancer ? Was the 13 . Uh , was the was the first one that popped up ?

yep well , I can see where they would block . Do phones cause divorce ? Because they still want you to buy phones .

You gotta make money on that . Everything is just saying it can definitely play a part . People are becoming jealous of their spouse's phone because their spouse's phone begins to get more attention than they do .

What did I say earlier in this podcast ? You are in love with your phone .

Yes , you did . It's a real deal true thing . People are falling in love with your phone . Yes , you did . It's a real deal true thing People are falling in love with their phones and spouses are getting jealous of the phone . So I think we've learned anything today as we get out of here , put your phone away .

If this is something you're struggling with , give this 30 days 30-day phone-less challenge 30-day no phone challenge at home now , obviously you can have the ringer on the home phones anymore .

You can have the ringer on in the other room in case of emergencies or something like that , but a 30 day , no phone challenge I don't think people will last 30 minutes powers no , no , they won't . No phone when you're on the couch with each other . No phones in the bed . I bet people can't do it .

Yeah . There's your challenge , folks , and if you have an issue like but I charged my phone beside my nightstand , move the dang charger .

That's

It's my alarm . Move the dang charger , because if you easy fix , it's my alarm . Move the dang charger , because if you get it from your bed to turn off the alarm , that's across the room . Guess what ? You ain't going to hit snooze .

You might be on time for something . You're going to get up and you're going to get going . So 30 day , no phone challenge as we get out of here . Any final thoughts ?

Nope .

None whatsoever . God , we love you . We are so thankful for what you are doing , thankful that you have picked us to be a part of this . Just want to pray over anyone who hears this . Let your will be done with it . If people need to hear it , you'll get it to them and we trust you to do that . Whatever it looks like .

Amen Play ball .