¶ Is Marriage Overrated? - Marriage Decline
here's a question for you is marriage overrated ? Why aren't people getting married anymore ? A new pew research poll found that two and five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition marriage rates are at their lowest right now .
Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce . If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ?
That's why you get married , so that's why it's declining . Why would you get married if you don't , if you want to have just one partner when you can have multiple Marriage is stupid .
Welcome to the Married AF Podcast , the self-proclaimed greatest marriage and relationship podcast in the world . We are your hosts , matthew and Monica Powers . How you doing baby .
I think I'm okay .
I think you're fantastic . You look incredible .
Well , thank you .
This midday , not quite morning , not quite afternoon . You look amazing .
Well , thank you .
So Father's Day passed , we didn't record . We skipped a week .
We did . But that's okay Because it was Father's Day , but we also had a lot .
Well , not only was it Father's , Day . We celebrated our baby girl turning 10 years old and she let us know hey , it may be Father's Day , but today is my day . She even told me after church she's like Daddy , I'm going to pick out what we have for dinner , you can pick out what we have for lunch .
I was like okay , I'll pick out what we have for lunch today . She said okay , but I just want to eat the leftover pizza we have at home for lunch . Is that okay ?
I was like , yeah sure , that's fine , no big deal deal , we'll take it well at church . You did the message at church and you were telling everybody happy father's day to all the dads out there .
I was waiting for you to say except me , because I can't have it , because I share father's day this year with my daughter on her birthday I thought about it , I thought about it , I didn't , but I , I thought about it and retrospect I probably , probably should have . So you'd have gotten a lot of sympathy from people . Aw , he doesn't get a Father's Day .
Yep , yeah , I might have . I might have got a little something extra on that day , but nevertheless , we are here , we are back . We've got scenarios and thoughts and questions and all that fun stuff that people seem to love . But before we dive into that , we'll Gen Z Bible it . I just turned it to Ephesians , chapter four .
We will start in verse 20 and we'll just go through the end of chapter four . But y'all ain't learned about Christ that way . If you've heard him and been taught by him , then you know the real deal , the truth that Jesus brings . Leave behind your old messed up ways , that corrupted lifestyle driven by deceitful desires .
Let your mind get a fresh start , renewed with a new perspective . Put on the new you created by God to be righteous and truly holy . So stop lying . Speak the truth to your homies . We're all part of the same crew . It's cool to get angry , but don't let it push you into doing something messed up . Deal with it before the sun goes down , bro .
Don't give any room for the devil to mess with you . If you used to steal , cut that out . Get a legit hustle , work hard with your hands and help those in need . Watch your language , man . Don't let anything corrupt . Come out of your mouth , speak words that build up people and show grace . Don't make the Holy Spirit sad .
Yo , he's got your back until the day you're redeemed . Let go of the bitterness , anger and all the negative energy . No more shouting or talking trash . Get rid of any ill will . Instead , be kind to one another , show compassion and forgive each other , just like God forgave you through Jesus . Look at Ephesians , chapter 4 , throwing it down . It was dead on .
It actually was dead on , and that wasn't like that far . I like to you know , get you a legit hustle , but other than that get a legit hustle got to get that legit hustle . So let's see what people are up to . I got some good ones for you that I think you'll really , really appreciate .
What do you mean ? People are up to .
Uh , you know , listen , people got struggles in their marriage , they got struggles in their relationships . They don't know what to do . They don't do dumb things , they say dumb things and they're lots of confused . So here we go . Things have changed in my marriage . Are you ready for this ? Okay , I've been married for six years .
Things were never perfect , but for some reason now things just feel different . One example is my husband and I and hold your comments till the end because you're going to be ready to go . My husband and I never used to block each other's callers or texts . This has changed now and we do . The thing is , when he does block me , I don't even try .
I don't even call or try to reach out . He will tell me later that he blocked me . We get in disagreements about nothing specific , sometimes stupid things , and the one thing that always remained constant is that I'm the one who always has to bend to apologize or act nice , because I know if I don't , he would never .
The older I get , the more time that goes by , I realize that this isn't fair to me . Why don't I deserve someone who calls me and says , hey , I love you and I'm sorry , I'm upset with you . Why is that person always me ? Why don't I deserve someone who calls me and says , hey , I love you and , I'm sorry , I'm upset with you .
Why is that person always me ? I have a childhood trauma I carry and he needs to , and he knows the silent treatment is extremely triggering to me , and yet he still started doing it again as a part of the argument . I asked myself questions like why do I deserve the treatment ?
I would never do that to him and feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to initiate a silent treatment . I'm rambling and I guess I'm trying to see if anyone has been in this situation or has advice . We start marriage counseling next week . They block each other's calls or texts .
Could you ever imagine us blocking each other's calls or text messages because we're mad about something ?
There's only one good thing that came out of everything you just read .
That they're going to counseling next week . They're going to counseling next week . Well , they clearly need it .
Obviously . They clearly need it . They've been married six years .
Married for six years and they've started where they block . They block each other's calls .
What happens so irritating to make you want to block .
Well , she even says it's sometimes just dumb little stupid things , which there's probably a whole lot more stuff that's there .
There's a whole lot more , but I wish I knew how old they were . That has a lot to do with things .
I would never imagine putting a block on you no I mean , in years past we didn't even know what blocking calls were and you would just blow up the phone until I answer if I were not responding , or mad to the point where I hung up on you and you're not , you're not gonna stop until it's worked out and I would just not answer the phone I'd just be
relentless , yeah , but I can even see when we are at our absolute worst not doing something like that , just blocking each other's calls .
I mean , what are we doing here ?
That is definitely a new thing .
Yeah , oh yeah .
I see high schoolers do that .
Really .
To each other Constantly On social media , on phone , texting , all the things , because when they block that person , they can't see what is happening , like what the person is doing .
Like for social media especially .
So when I hear things like that , it makes me think okay , what are you hiding ?
You would think something has to be hidden . Yeah , at this point , but just to block your wife's calls or texts because you got into some sort of stupid little argument I hope they're seeing a really good marriage counselor I do too , and you know she says she has childhood trauma which I guarantee she's never talked about or tried to get through that at all .
But he's definitely got some stuff going on too . I would say it's great . You're right . The best thing that came out of that they start marriage counseling next week , so at least they took that step .
Yeah .
At least they took that step .
I don't know how they got to that step when they block each other's phone calls though .
I'm glad that they're finally there , because counseling is a great and wonderful thing , that people need that and don't need to let that stigma , that kind of can go with it , be a problem , wow . So good luck to those . Here's one . My husband flirts unintentionally . I could totally see this . He may just be a super nice guy .
My husband and I have a business that we run together . For over two years We've been together for a little over three years . He has always been a super friendly guy . He's never met a stranger . However , with that sometimes comes the too friendly for his own good problem .
Sometimes he is just being his nice , normal self , but in ways that women take it as flirting . I'm not jealous , but with him this is always seems to be a problem . I usually will express my concern and he understands that we move on . However , there's one employee that he just can't seem to stop being overly friendly with .
While I understand he is human and of course he might be attracted to someone else at this point I expect him to still respect me in our relationship .
I've asked him many times to please keep his interactions with her professional , because it really bothers me with the way he changes his tone of voice and when he speaks to her or uses extra emojis while texting her , or leave smiley faces on work instructions for he still continuously does these things that seem a little too friendly with her .
At this point I'm tired of asking , I just feel like nitpicking what can I do so he ? At this point I'm tired of asking , I just feel like nitpicking what can I do so he understands just ?
how much this bothers me . Okay , I kind of was with her until he's texting her .
Listen , I read this in like two completely different things . At the beginning he's just a super nice guy . He's intentional with everyone . He takes interest in people which easily comes off as oh , he's flirting with everyone . He just he takes interest in people which easily comes off as oh , he's flirting with me
¶ [Ad] The Brief
that's where I was with her until the texting part , because matthew powers , that's you yes , it is .
We've talked about this before I have to tell you I I don't want you to change you .
I wanted you to be aware will you stop flirting with that woman .
Never said that .
Totally joking , totally joking .
Because you don't know how to flirt . We , we know this , you know this . Yes , I'm like .
Ross Geller , when Ross tries to flirt and how awful it is that . That's me , that's me .
But when someone's not getting attention from their spouse or have never had that kind of attention , the way you talk to people makes them feel
¶ (Cont.) Is Marriage Overrated? - Marriage Decline
seen .
Yes .
And most people just want to be seen .
Especially if they're not getting that from home .
Yes , so if they feel seen with you because you are literally looking into their eyes , talking to them and you genuinely listen to the words that are coming out of their mouth , they're just going to be . Oh man , that Matt Powers , where's he at ? I need to talk to him Sunday . I can't wait for Sunday .
I have to talk to him , but I'm not a jealous person . Had to talk to him but I'm not a jealous person . No , I see it and I laugh hysterically because they I don't know that , the women that you talk to think that you're flirting with them .
They just like the way they're getting the your full attention full-on attention and I think , and I think there's a lot of that's mistaken as flirting and I think
there's there's men who clearly they're just nice people and just care about people and interested , and I first I thought that's where this was going . But whenever the emojis and the texting- why is he and leaving ? Notes and that's not now if he's texting her for work-related stuff strictly work one .
Okay , I can , I can see where just say individual text will happen . But if it's constant work stuff it needs to be everyone involved but you're texting emojis to her . That's not work , I'm not an emoji guy ever . I don't know that I've ever texted an emoji ever to anyone .
I'll do the funny little pictures , things yeah , but I don't know if I've ever done a smiley face emoji or anything like that . It's not my thing . I'm not an emoji guy .
Or the abbreviation guy . Lol yeah , lol .
LOL , lol , good old LOL . But how do you have this conversation ? You need to really let him know how much this bothers you and how badly it is and what a bad look this is . I can constitute that as flirting just a little bit . That's a bit more than paying attention , and especially , it's beginning to break the trust in your marriage .
Oh yeah .
Not only are you married , but you also have a business together . Those are two huge things , but it's breaking the trust in your marriage and you should never do anything that could potentially break that trust .
So she said that they've been married .
Married for three years .
Three years .
Doing this business for just over two . They're 30 and 31 .
Ooh , good for them , mm-hmm . So my question is like we have a business . Yep , I don't work at the business , but I know the business , I know the people .
¶ Navigating Trust and Boundaries in Marriage
Yep , I wouldn't know how you would treat someone else unless I were there .
Right .
But I don't have any . I have zero mindset that you're intentionally flirting .
Oh no , Because I don't know how to do that exactly .
It's not in my bones it would be how I landed you .
Who knows ?
anyways it was an act of god we were 15 matthew okay still I could not , you can't , you can't change the way the other person feels or sees , like you in the conversation . But if you started this business together and they work together , were you not in that hiring process ?
Should have been .
You've only been married for three years . That was a big jump to jump straight into a business when the business has only been two and a half years . I understand that when opportunities arise , you go for it .
Good for you guys . Yeah , it's amazing .
But my question is how long did you date ? Was this something that he did prior ?
And you just kind of came into it , or something you did prior , and he came into .
Or is this how he landed you ? Maybe , See , there's things that we don't necessarily know all the answers to , but I see where she gets upset , because the texting is not okay , the emoji , that's just a little awkward .
Yeah well , and even leaving smiley faces on instructions and notes , that's overboard , I wouldn't a little awkward . Yeah Well , and even leaving smiley faces on instructions and notes , that's . That's overboard . I wouldn't say he unintentionally is doing it . I say he knows , totally knows that he is doing it and he .
She said that she had talked to him about it . She's asked him to stop .
Yes , and it continues . So he just seems to be a little too friendly with her . You got to have the real conversation .
You have to have the conversation , obviously , if she really has and put her foot down .
I don't want to give him Listen , don't take my advice , but if I had this with us and I had this conversation with you and you continue to do it and not care about anything that I have said , I'm gonna give you a little taste of your own medicine oh snap , because if you aren't seeing what I'm seeing , what's happening , I going to let you see it this way
.
Listen . That could be an effective method .
Kind of like a reverse psychology kind of thing Like okay , you don't see this .
I'm going to flirt the pants off of this guy .
Wait till I text this guy over here Hard eyes . Exactly .
Exactly , you got , exactly , exactly , you got to talk to him , or , or or you want to end this . Fire her , she's gone .
Fire her , obviously , that's not the right thing to do . We're cutting you down to part time until my husband stops flirting with you .
Fire her . Don't actually fire her . Talk to your husband about it , or you know , the monica method could work there . Just let him see .
All right , two can play at this game and maybe open up his eyes because most guys , if they don't see what their issue is , because it's , it's okay for him to do it , but it's not heaven forbid his wife do it . You no other man .
Better look at his wife yeah , he's gonna get jealous really , really quick exactly men are far more jealous than women whenever it comes to that Like so territorial and so jealous . I mean , we experienced it in our 20s and we'd be out somewhere and you know the fights of you looking at my girls . Come on , are you serious ?
Right now , I mean , your girl is wearing a mini dress . If she bends over , it's all hanging out . Her boobs are out . Of course , people are looking at her . It's a train wreck . You can't take your eyes off of it . But we're going to fight because you won't stop looking at my , at my girl . So that could be a way fire her , but I would .
I would recommend just , you really need to let him know and set some groundwork down . All right , next one how how do you deal with cussing and your kids ? I'm much more strict about cussing for myself . I didn't grow up in a household that used that type of language and I don't use that language at my work .
My husband is in landscaping so he tends to curse like a sailor . He also grew up around hardened people who use that language . Despite my continued issues with it being used around the house , it has shown up on our kids shows on youtube , which is just twisted .
Now my seven-year-old has started to use bad language more regularly I would say within the last month has been a real big issue for me . Before that , he barely let something slip at all . I've fought all the battles both with my husband and with youtube .
He seems to be split between crying with a tender heart when he gets in trouble about it and then laughing about it . The seven-year-old . I've had good conversations with my son to try and give him the tools to combat this consequences , but also letting him know that this is adult language .
He needs to speak like a kid and choose to speak using the millions of words out there that aren't bad words . It's a battle that I don't want to keep having to fight , but I will . I am , however , feeling defeated and frustrated . I think my husband finally understands that our son is trying to be cool like his dad , so I think
¶ Handling Children's Cussing Behavior
he will be more careful , but he doesn't have to directly deal with things like what happened yesterday with our son said something at summer camp and I had to be the one to deal with it . Like there is no way to force myself out of the situation so that he gets the full brunt of it .
We're born again Christian parents who curse little , but we're trying to be better , trying to teach our children to be better . Please don't comment if there's nothing constructive to say . So how do you deal with cussing children ? Seven years old is quite young for it to be a regular type of thing now .
our daughters let words slip before , and she was way before seven and it's hard not to laugh , but I think we do a pretty good job of not seeing that type of language used listen , I cuss , not seeing that type of language used .
Listen , I cuss . So what ? I don't cuss at people . I typically don't try to cuss around the kids . I see all the sides to this .
Yep .
Because our kids learned cuss words from riding the bus .
Yeah , riding the bus in school regularly . And I will say , especially for our son , who is around it and it's every word I feel like at least around us he doesn't let things slip . He has before he has , but it's not a regular occurrence , it's not a daily occurrence and boy , when he has , it has devastated him .
But I think , as in this situation , your kids learn from you essentially so if , if you're doing this and your husband , especially , is doing this , yes , your kids are going to pick that up . Youtube , youtube is the worst it's just there's no regulation to it .
You can get down a rabbit hole so quickly your kids can youtube kids thing yes , you can , we tried that to get rid of that as well and it just didn't . It didn't , you can't regulate it I understand the part where the kid thinks saying it is being cool . Yes , because all the other kids are saying it constantly , even at a high school level .
You literally cannot walk down the hall without hearing every other word being a cuss word .
Yes .
I'm serious , because was it November ? We went to Universal .
Yes .
It was like Thanksgiving break . Yep , we were going and we walked by this group of teenage kids and the f-bomb slipped and I said , man , you know what ? That's the first one I have heard on this trip . It has been so nice .
But then it takes you right back into that mindset but at the same time I can see if you're trying to work on it with your kids , like when we went to Boston with Cash the first time .
Oh my goodness . Yes , Everywhere , especially at the baseball game .
But we were warning him . Now he is a child that rides the bus , so he hears it , he knows the words . Our thing was you know , know , we don't say it , but when somebody else says it , don't look at us and be all .
Oh , they said this just blow it off don't even bring attention to it , because when you bring attention to it it's gonna make it even worse . I understand like you just literally read Ephesians from yes , perverse language . Talk about perverse language . Now , maybe this is . I know that the Bible is very black and white .
I don't think it goes into much detail on that . I think it goes into much detail on that when I hear that I think of mostly sexual stuff , being a pervert .
Yep .
The way you say , things can be completely different . Even if you use a cuss word , I mean , the Bible literally has hell , ass , damn , you know . Yeah , it's a lot in the context in which you use it , it's how you say it , it's the way your heart says it .
Plus , you know , cuss words are just .
They're all words . Take a book from Thor .
All words are made up .
All words are made up . All words are made up . All words are made up . You know , they're definitely going to learn from the people that are around the most , so you just have to control it at home . Well , I also don't agree that it's just an adult thing no that . Well , kids can't say those words because they're not adults . Where's the law on that ?
No , there's a law for alcohol , cigarettes , you know , tobacco , vaping , that kind of stuff , but there's not a law against words . There's literally freedom of speech well , my thought is always we've all had these . Oh , the christian people . This is how we all get that bad rap of oh , we can't cuss around christians , you know , until somebody don't .
They don't know that you're a pastor and they're just cussing up a storm . And then they find out oh man , I'm so sorry , I don't normally don't know that you're a pastor and they're just cussing up a storm . And then they find out oh man , I'm so sorry , I don't normally .
You know how many times I've heard like I , I don't . I don't normally talk like that . I'm like wrong . You don't have to change who you are because I'm around yes okay which is the same thing , kids .
I I don't think it's just . I think they're just words they are , they're just words .
They are .
They are just words . They are learned from parents . They're learned from whatever you give them .
But I can guarantee you , with a child every child that has a phone , compared to all the kids that do not our kids do not being the parents that don't allow that , and seeing the kids that do not our kids do not being the parents that don't allow that , and seeing the kids that do they grow up faster because they're around all of the things that they don't
need . They got social media . They don't need it . You give your kids what they need , taking all those kind of things away from them . I don't care that their friends have them .
Our kids don't use that language , no , and it's our job that they hear it it's our job to be the parents , and kids don't always have to like it , but we're there to teach them and mold them into good , productive beings of society , and that that's what we are here to do .
We have this culture now where kids can decide that , oh , I'm going to change my sex . I'm no longer a boy , I'm now a girl . I'm no longer , either , one of those , I'm now a cat , and I think we've been lost . Where people need to be told ?
no , it's the same reason why when you offend anybody same reason why , when you have a baby , you put you baby proof the house , you keep the doors closed , you have the gates up , you put the little things in the plugs and the outlets so they don't stick their finger in .
If we operate by this mentality we're all free to make our own choices then why even have parents around ? Yeah , kid , go ahead and stick a knife into the outlet , let's see how that works for you . No , you protect them . You know better than they are . You've had more experiences than they are .
You're supposed to know better .
And when it comes to adult language , my thought is with cussing , we'll say are those words ? It shows a lack of intelligence to me that you do not have . Your vocabulary is so narrow that that's the only thing that you can say and you can't formulate a thought or a sentence without interjecting those words because you're trying to think of something to say .
It just shows a lack of intelligence and a lack of want to try and be better .
Whenever I hear that For me those kind of cuss words are the words like when they're used in .
Like when we like , try to like have yes a like you know , like a conversation and like when it like , yeah , something like that exactly it's not used as a simile or a comparison I like pizza . That's something completely different .
Acceptable , then there's um uh and uh , um yeah .
All of that .
Those . I would rather hear cuss words than those words . At least it's a word that's coming out , at least you've thought about a word coming out of your mouth and you can't form a complete sentence because you have no idea what you're saying .
It's again lead by example and it sounds like her husband's on the path with you . So that's good news . Last one here for you and you . Only I thought this would be fun for you because you hate to admit this and you're kind of this . Anyway , I'm reaching out as a fairly new pastor's wife .
Oh boy .
I could really use some advice and support from those who have been in my shoes . My husband recently took a pastoral role and I'm so proud of him , and I'm finding this new life pretty overwhelming .
There are so many expectations and pressures that come with this role and I often feel like I'm stumbling through it all , from dealing with church politics to balancing my personal life and supporting my husband . It's been quite a ride . I'm not sure I'm alone in feeling this way . I'd love to hear how people do it .
Are there any horror stories that you experience as a pastor's wife ? What do you do ? How do you handle them ? What do you learn from those situations ? Now , we've struggled with this . Now we have a business , I have a regular job , but I do serve as a teaching pastor and you have been called a pastor's wife , something you have struggled with .
So how do you do it ?
I'm just going to be honest . I am not a pastor's wife .
Yet you are , you've even been introduced this way . It makes you send shivers up your spine , but you have been and you've somewhat began to accept this . So how does one do it ?
Oh , your husband's a pastor .
Because I do think this is something wives especially struggle with , because there is this stigma and this idea of what a pastor's wife is supposed to be she's supposed to always be by his side and look a certain way and dress a certain way and say certain things and do certain things and be organizers of certain things and be with the kids and do this and do
that , which isn't necessarily the case .
She's perfect in every single way .
So what would you tell them ? Be who you are .
Yes , just because he has a pastor behind his name now doesn't mean you have to change who you are Because you're a pastor . Am I going to change who I am when it comes to September 1st ? No , our house will be decked out in all Halloween . All Hallows Eve that's the devil's holiday . Pastors' wives cannot have anything to do with Halloween .
September 1st is a national holiday at this house . The inside of our house is decked out October 1st . The outside of our house is decked out On October 31st . I am standing in our driveway scaring the piss out of little kids and their parents .
Am I going to change that Because you are a pastor ? No , you're not , and I think that's the advice . Be you , be who you are , be who your husband married , because that's all he wants , and hopefully your husband is supportive enough to say I don't expect anything out of you . I expect you to be my wife and that's it . Don't change who you are .
Love people , just love people . Be there for people , but be yourself .
Because he did not take this role to change you .
No , he took this role to do what God has called him to do , and you are there to support him . Not everyone else but him . Your marriage comes first Marriage comes first .
Learn that . If you think you have to answer everyone's stuff when they want , oh well , the pastor's wife has an answer to this . Not everyone's emergency is your emergency . Very true , make sure your priorities are in order God , your husband , your kids , if you have any , the church , everything else .
Well said .
I still think I have my priorities right , but I still do get a little irritated when I hear oh , this is the pastor's wife . What ?
Yeah , you're still trying to figure that one out . You're struggling with that .
This is my smile when they do that .
You , just , you just smile your way through it the best you can .
Oh , I'm trying not to throw up right now , but I I also do . I don't know for me . Yes , you have the teaching pastor title , but pastor title , but you're still my husband . Yeah , you're my husband before you're that pastor . But I also have pastor's wives that are my friends outside of the church .
They we were friends before , we were all pastor's wives , kind of thing .
They don't change who they are . They operate the same way . They are who they are and their husbands . I don't want you to be anything , I want you to be you .
And they are their husband's wives and support them and their husbands support they lay out a very good foundation of what being a pastor's wife should look like , because they are authentic in who they are , which is what we are supposed to do , and they use their talents and gifts
¶ Authenticity in Pastoral Relationships
as God has instructed them to and they're not being a particular mold of what culture says they should be .
If I want to have pink hair , I can have pink hair .
You've had a lot of different colors .
I think I've had just about every single color , almost all of them but it's whatever , it's not because , oh , I can't do that , because my husband's a pastor .
I have skulls everywhere now they're all over this office in our house .
Some people walk in and go oh , you're still you get a takedown from hallow . You said what ? Those are not Halloween decorations .
These are just decorations , all right y'all . So be yourself , be who you are , be your husband's wife .
Just expect to have your full life , spread out for everyone to see in a message .
Very true . Let's get out of here . God , we love you . We are so thankful for what you do . We're thankful for this platform . We're thankful for our marriage that you've given us . We just pray that this helps people , that people who need to hear it are able to hear it , and you will just work through us in every way possible .
We love you In Jesus' name , amen .
Amen Play ball .