Are We Kissing Enough?

Baby , I got a question for you .

I have an answer .

I hope you do . I'm anxious to hear what your answer is , because it's the topic of today's conversation . Do we kiss enough ?

Me and you .

Yes , no , no .

I mean , that's just my opinion , because I kiss you every time I see you .

I will get on board with that opinion . But this is a legitimate question from an article I read a few weeks ago .

Oh , you're just asking in general , in general , not just me and you .

I'm asking you do we kiss enough ? The hope is .

In my opinion no .

No , because you want more of it , which I love . Every single person listening . Please ask your spouse this question both ways . Are we kissing enough ? Because ?

Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated ? Why aren't ?

people getting married anymore .

A new Pew Research poll found that two in five young adults think marriage is an outdated tradition .

Marriage rates are at their lowest right now . Is marriage really even worth it ? More than half of marriages end in divorce .

If you get married , you have to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life , right ? That's why you get married , so that's why it's declining .

We are your hosts , matthew and monica . Powers and baby , I got a question for you I have an answer I hope you do . I'm anxious to hear what your answer is , because it's the topic of today's conversation . Do we kiss enough ?

me and you yes , no , no I mean , that's just my opinion , because I kiss you every time I see you I will get on board with that opinion , but this is a legitimate question .

From my article I read a few weeks ago . In general , in general , I'm asking you do we kiss , kiss , enough , the hope is .

In my opinion no .

No , because you want more of it , which I love . Every single person listening . Please ask your spouse this question both ways . Are we kissing enough ? Because a recent study showed that a lot of people are not kissing as much as you would think . So on a daily basis . For you and I , how often do you think we would say we kiss On average ?

how many times Whoa ? I don't know that I could get a number .

It's difficult for me to wrap my head around this . The way I was thinking about it was well , every morning , yes , at least once Before we go to bed , yes , at least once .

No , I get a couple more in there .

You usually get a few more in there Anytime we're gone and come back home , at least once and multiple more times throughout the day I was thinking realistically , maybe conservatively speaking , maybe 12 to 15 times a day .

Easy .

Very conservatively speaking . Maybe 12 to 15 times a day Easy , Very conservatively speaking . Potentially much more if we're together or anything like that . Here's the wild thing .

Hold on .

Yes . This is strictly just kissing , because Just kissing , okay , just kissing each other . It doesn't include those little love taps when you pass each other , that's like a hundred .

I've said it , a million times , but that leads to a little love taps when you pass each other .

That's like a hundred .

I've said it a million times , but that leads to a kiss .

It does . But I've said it a million times , If you are not slapping each other's butts , you need to evaluate some things in your marriage .

I don't mind not just slap . I'm not a slapper .

You're more of a slap .

You're a grab .

You're a grabber . But here's the crazy thing , because I'm thinking all right , 12 to 15 times a day , that's extremely conservative . And there's different levels of kiss , obviously , and I kind of rank them in three different levels .

And I feel like that might be even lowballing it for us .

I think it probably is . That's what I said , really conservatively speaking . But even the levels of type of kissing because we're not full-on make-out type session , that's not an every single kiss occurrence . No there's that level of it .

We're sick . We don't kiss each other . Just just those types of , and then kiss me on the forehead or the cheek .

And then there's kind of the in between . That's just they're good . They're just good kisses . But here's the crazy stat that a survey done and this was just a question thrown out there and people responding to it found that 16% of all married couples do not kiss each other more than one time per day . 10% only kiss each other maybe once or twice per week .

It doesn't get into the details , but I'm gonna , I'm gonna drastically say that it does not .

Uh , and some , some of the reasons were well , I'm just not that affectionate . Oh , we just don't kiss very often and I'm thinking how in the world can you ?

not . Why did you get your spouse ?

what's I mean ?

because I can kiss you anytime that's exactly where I was going with that exactly a good old line from sweet home alabama .

But it blew my mind how in the world can you be married to someone and never kiss them ? Essentially Because when I say 12 to 15 times a day , realistically , especially if we've been together all day , we may hit triple digits in a day . Because it's something I thoroughly enjoy doing .

I like your lips .

And I think I hope most couples feel the exact same way , but 10% kiss less than once a week . Some of the reasons the biggest reason was well , me or my partner , we're just not affectionate . Some of the other reasons were , well , we're just and this pissed me off we're just too busy .

Wow .

So how much is enough ?

Well , I could kiss you all day .

I totally agree . You most certainly could , but it blows my mind that that's not happening for most people .

I don't know that I've ever really thought about it .

You typically don't .

Because I kiss you all the time . You do , I kiss you anytime I want to .

Exactly , and I think that most people and most conversations , when it revolves around marriage and not being happy and you're talking about the physical side of it it's always just talking about sex , the intimacy side and the sex side .

Kissing isn't sex .

It's not that , and it can definitely lead to more intimacy and more sex , but it goes much further than that . One psychologist said that he said smooching , which ? I love that smooching reduces stress by releasing feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine , which may even help lower cholesterol . It also alleviates headaches .

Do women really do that ? I mean you see that in the movies , all the time .

Probably not to the extent that you see it in the movies and TVs and stuff , but sure it has to happen for it to continue to be out there . But alleviates headaches by dilating blood vessels and lowering blood pressure . Can even reduce allergy symptoms people .

And that just seems dumb to me .

It does and it probably is kind of dumb , but there are great benefits to kissing your partner and kissing them often . Here's another little fun fact here that on average because when you talk about the different levels of kissing on average six seconds is kind of that perfect little spot .

Noted .

Because it's the connection that you have there with your significant other . So people just aren't doing it . But the biggest thing was I'm just too busy . So what do you do ? And here's another line here what do you do when one person wants to kiss more than the other ?

other side of it . When you are not feeling valued , you're not feeling connected ?

You are not . Why would you wanna kiss that person ? That's exactly right . You're not gonna feel like being that connected with someone else , because I mean , when you think about kissing , obviously most people's memories will go back to and you always think oh well , the first kiss and oh , my first kiss .

I remember

I remember , tell me , sure was . October 8th look at you , I'm impressed around 9 o'clock . I'm so impressed right now in Alabaster , alabama zip code 3507 . Don't give the address . People may end up . People could show up . Go too far . There we go . Our family doesn't live there anymore . That's true . Someone else's problem . Don't give the address .

You know people could show up . That might go too far . There we go . That's enough there .

Well , our family doesn't live there anymore . That's true , it's someone else's problem .

It was in my aunt and uncle's driveway and I could not believe . You actually kissed me . It was not even our first date .

No , it wasn't On our first date .

You were such a gentleman I . Our first date . No , on our first date you were such a gentleman I was . You held my hand and you put your hand on my back and it took my breath away . I was like oh it's just my back .

No , I still take your breath away . You take my breath away .

Oh , there we go but the kiss it was . Oh my gosh , this is happening . This is happening . I remember having to tell my friends that were spending the night with me that night at my aunt and uncle's house how perfect it was . It was 9 0 , 8 PM . The moon is out , the stars were sparkling .

And they come up off the ground .

Floating .

Something like that .

Yes .

I'm so glad that's what it was . Same thing for me and and in a sense , still is today , and I think that's where a lot of people miss the boat is listen , you married this person . There was a point in time where that was the reaction . Anytime they came around , when you kissed they , they got close to you .

You can get out of the shower and just have your towel wrapped around your waist , and I will still get abso-freaking-lutely lost with whatever I am doing , because I cannot not stare at you and think dear God , thank you for letting me get to stare at this every single day , silly by him every single night , and get to do things with him that only married

you say something you typically have .

No , because I am zoned out , going holy crap , I get to do that all the time . I am very happy about that . But I see you doing the same thing to me and I'm like stop looking at me like that . And you're like uh-uh , yeah , you catch me , all thing to me . And I'm like stop looking at me like that and you're like uh-uh .

Yeah , you catch me all the time and I'm straight up like no , I'm not going to stop looking at you like that .

You typically go come here , woman , with this little giddy laugh .

Oh , that's how I feel , and it's great , and I wish more people would be able to experience that same thing .

So maybe you don't have to edit that out .

No , I'm not going to edit that out . I'm not going to edit anything out . Why would I ? Okay , so you're not kissing enough , so you want to be able to kiss your spouse more , because you still find them incredibly attractive and you want to be close to them . You want to increase that connection and increase intimacy with them .

Like you never do this , you don't do that , you never take me anymore .

How many times have people heard that , like you , never do this .

You don't do that .

You never take me out on dates , you're never spontaneous , you never think about me , you know , said instead of saying you never kiss me anymore , try , I miss feeling close to you , I miss kissing you , I miss the touch of your lips on mine .

What a complete game changer yeah you're communicating the exact same thing it's all about how you say it but it's in a totally different way when you're saying you , you're putting blame on the other person , and when you say I , you're letting them know that you want it totally .

I mean

you're letting them know that you want it Totally . I mean , it's a game changer . And then they would go oh wait , what ? Because when you're pushing blame , why would anybody want to listen ?

When you push blame , you're pushing them away . Yeah , because it's human nature . We get really defensive really easily anytime and even if we're dead wrong , if someone comes at us like that , even if we know we're wrong , we get quickly defensive , we get a little angry and you're going to push people away .

It's not about you .

No , we before me every single time . And , uh , the last one is , um , make it about the connection , and the last one is make it about the connection .

The goal is to strengthen intimacy , not force someone into affection level they're not comfortable with . All I think of when you say that is Morticia and Gomez Adams . Why ? Because she can say anything in French and he instantly goes oh mi amor . And then just starts at her hand and kisses all the way up her arm and gets to her and she's just like this .

I think maybe the entire roof just caved in all the way from the upstairs to the downstairs and it stopped there . So I don't know what's going on .

It could be the dog . He's currently in a cone . Poor guy's got a cone on his head .

He's got a little infection , something on his leg and poor dude's walking around with a cone and he is .

So he'll stop licking his leg .

Listen , he is , so he'll stop licking his leg .

Listen , he is T-Dog is going through it right now . It is .

It is not his best day .

It's OK , because he got blue ribbons this weekend .

He did . He's a famous little show dog . But back to kissing and not our house caving in .

Apparently it's .

You know , use the I statements , talk about it , communicate , check in . See how talk about it . Communicate check-in . Uh see how you're . I mean , check-ins are always great , you know . Talk about it , you know . Hey , how are we doing with this um ?

why is that such a big issue ?

because people are afraid of what the answer might be . I think . I think people are afraid to check in because they're afraid of that answer that they might get . And don't you know that every time we worry about something , usually it doesn't happen anyways .

And it's like , oh that's you , it is me , I don't worry . I know you don't worry about things at all it's no point to get stressed out I want to win games for my team . I can't win those games .

Totally .

But when you put the worry in there , I say it all the time at home to our kids , to the teams that I coach . If is a big word for two letters , and usually that , if never actually happens , and if doesn't happen , it's just like if I win the lottery one day , we already have all of our money spent .

Yeah , that's one of the fun games about the lottery .

Right , well , if we don't win this week , we don't host area . Okay , then we don't host area .

okay , well then we don't host area big deal , move on . But that that is typically the worry is yeah , how are they going to take it and then understone my experience ? You build it up and then you talk about I was like , oh , that wasn't bad at all . Oh , she's actually on the exact same page that I am .

Right now I'm looking at houses that are maybe a little bit out of our budget and you absolutely hate it . But as for me , do I know that we're going to possibly get that house ? No , but do I also think , hey , it doesn't hurt to go in and give an offer ? That's not what they're asking . All they're going to do is say no .

You're a unicorn .

A chubby unicorn , I'll take it .

Chubby unicorn , you're ridiculous .

It's a rhino , but maybe that's . I just don't understand the worry and the stress .

Well , you've taken what Paul says in the Bible to don't worry about anything , pray about everything , and you do it well , and it's always been a struggle for me . I'm like well , you know , Paul , what do you know , man ?

You will call stress out about work and it's like okay well guess what it's over Day's done , you've dealt with it .

Move on . You can't go forward . Looking in the rearview mirror I know you nailed it , so people listening you can't go forward , looking in the rearview mirror so go kiss somebody to your spouse and go kiss your spouse . Just a couple other little notes real quick , of what kissing actually does . Uh , it reduces stress . We already talked about it .

It's how the kiss is done too , though . Well , yes , explain , I'm just going to though , Well yes , explain , I'm just going to go , yeah , yippee-yi , no , I'm going to put both my hands on your face and bring yours to me and give you a nice good long kiss . Just lips , too , doesn't have to be anything fancy .

And that can completely change your mood .

And usually after I do that , you go . Thank you .

It's just like one , it says I'm not alone in this and two , it is going to be okay , so take note of that . It obviously increases attraction between each other , which is always very , very good , which can heighten intimacy with each other . Now , just a couple of things real quick , and then we'll be done . Ways to improve your kissing , they say here .

It is .

Fresh breath , clean teeth are the foundation to a memorable kiss . Good advice , even if you're not planning an immediate intimate encounter . And I only think about . We've talked about this in other episodes .

Listen , boys are completely different than girls . Our daughter is . She's like me . One of the first things you're going to do in the morning is you're going to go to the bathroom and you're going to go brush your teeth .

Boys .

Weeks without brushing their teeth .

Boys can never brush their teeth , ever , and they'd be okay .

They'd be okay . I can't tell you how many times lately we have been telling our son , cashman , you have to brush your teeth

Brush your teeth go , take care of them . Teeth in your mouth that's gross .

Shut up and go brush your teeth , because I currently have to smell your breath and I don't want to . I do do not want to .

No . So yes , if this is an issue , and hopefully you have a communicative , a positive communication with your spouse on this , where you've given them the authority to say hey , you need to .

I will tell you in a heartbeat , oh baby .

Oh , that breath it's like .

Thank you Noted , Let me go take care of this right , this second , I mean you go instantly and brush your teeth .

It's brushing teeth . It's getting deep in there . She's a mouthwash floss . I mean it's the whole thing .

Get the tongue brush .

Tongue brush . It's like I just finished going to the dentist .

Drink more water , people . That's one of the keys . Get you some cinnamon toothpaste .

Cinnamon toothpaste , drink more water , cinnamon gum that can help out a lot too .

It kills .

hal , don't be afraid to mix things up . Experiment with different types of kisses soft and tender , passionate and fiery , playful or teasing . Mix it up a little bit . Have some bloody fun with it . Yeah , because why would you not ? This is your spouse we're talking about here .

I like , when I give you kisses that are unexpected kisses , the first thing you'll say is whoa , you were coming in hot and I did not expect that Come here .

I liked it . Yep , Not expecting at all , that's the best kind , I mean , it's spontaneous and again it catches you off guard and it's like okay all right , let's go . Feels good . So ask your spouse that question Are you kissing enough ? Hey baby , are we kissing enough ?

So I'm curious to know now , of those couples that don't kiss , what is an intimate life like for them ?

I'm going to say it is non-existent . It is an absolute dead bedroom , for sure I couldn't imagine . Couldn't either .

What's the point of even being married ?

Well , again , God didn't create it that way either At all .

You let me hear that you were too busy to kiss me you make sure that don't happen so yeah make sure you ask your spouse the question hey , baby , are we kissing enough ?

and if that answer is no , find out why and work on it , fix , fix it , because I promise it will make things better .

I think I get at least three kisses from you before you leave .

At a minimum at least . Usually I don't want to go , so .

I've put 15 extra years on your life .

I appreciate that . I'll take it . You got any final thoughts before we get out of here .

I'll take it .

You got any final thoughts ?

before we get out of here , please talk to your spouse about kissing . It makes me so sad .

It does . It's a very , very sad thing whenever you really think about it . But before we do get out of here , our friends at KingdomAndWillcom make sure y'all go check them out . Kingdomandwillcom they got great clothing a Christian-based organization . It's very comfortable clothing , it looks good .

Amen , play ball , kiss me .