Talking points: mental health, mindset, diet, Whether you're just starting out with "the work" or you've snapped up a thousand books and podcasts, it pays to go back to the high-level now again again. This is a bird's-eye view of my framework on mental health, plus straightforward tactics that have been proven time and again by science, history, and my own personal experience. Dig in. (00:00:00) - Intro, and defining “mental health” (00:05:03) - My basic framework for what produces suffering (00...
Jun 27, 2024•28 min
Talking points: neurology, biology, trauma, mindset This was one of the most informative episodes I've ever recorded. As expected of Mastin Kipp, an old friend and incredible coach. We covered everything nervous system—and how there may be what you might call a "unified theory of trauma". Wildly grateful for this one! Note: we had some audio trouble for the first bit, but it cleans up after minute 12! (00:00:00) - Intro, and the fragmentation problem in therapy and coaching (00:08:47) - Mastin’s...
Jun 24, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 497
Talking points: fatherhood, mindset, perfectionism To many of you, I'm still pretty new to the dad game, but it's honestly boggled my mind how much being one has changed my life and perspective on things. These are just a few of the things I've learned—or you could say my son has taught me. 00:00:00) - Intro, and number one: masculinity is modeled (00:07:51) - “I would die for my kids, but I won’t live my life for them” (00:10:21) - Your anger as a man is necessary. Your aggression is not. (00:1...
Jun 20, 2024•19 min
Talking points: transitioning, parents, resistance Sometimes in life, we feel stuck, and that can happen even after you've done "the work" and developed a deeper understanding of how your past shaped your present. My anon guest this week (like many of us) has trouble feeling feelings. Together, we dig a little into where that comes from and why. (00:00:00) - Intro and what it was like growing up (00:09:23) - “It’s hard for me to feel the hurt” (00:14:21) - What transitioning was like, and how we...
Jun 17, 2024•36 min•Ep. 496
Talking points: truth, social media, relationships, men, culture Phew! Mark and I covered about a million things this episode, but that's what happens when you've been friends for over a decade. There's an overarching theme though: getting caught up in narratives, and how that actually fractures our ability to stay relational and kind to people. Dig in for this very wide-ranging conversation. Editor's note: while Adderall (dextroamphetamine) has some molecular similarity with methamphetamine, th...
Jun 14, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 494
Talking points: mindset, social media, sex Out of everything I've done, this is one of the simplest and most effective. To be clear, it's not about going abstinence-only or becoming a prude. It's about freeing mental bandwidth and take, taking ownership of my desires, and creating direction in my life. Dig in. (00:00:00) - Intro, and why this isn’t about being a prude (00:02:14) - The DBC: Digital Brain Cleanse. Step one, content (00:06:17) - Step two: contacts (00:08:06) - Last step: consciousn...
Jun 13, 2024•12 min
Talking points: trauma This was an honor. The word trauma gets thrown around a lot these days, so it's important to get back to basics and really sink into what's going on and why. After all, this is humanity we're talking about, and we're nothing if not complex. Peter is a legend in therapy circles for his groundbreaking work in somatic education and trauma work, so we dug into many of the different (and unusual) things something like trauma brings to the table. Both Peter and I encourage you t...
Jun 10, 2024•54 min•Ep. 495
Talking points: mindset, relationships, sex, culture Mildly spicy title, serious thoughts within. All joking aside, there are a number of things that most of us men do that undercut or diminish our sense of inner leadership, authority, and trust. These are the top 10 that I've seen in my work and in myself. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:28) - Stop making excuses for not working out regularly, and stop giving women free attention on social media (00:09:46) - Stop comparing yourself to other men (00:1...
Jun 06, 2024•34 min
Talking points: relationships, sex I've worked with a LOT of men and a TON of couples in relationships, situation-ships, and what have you. When it comes to what YOU as a man can do to craft a thriving partnership, there are 3 sort of "rules" that have come up again and again. They're also what changed the game for me and led to the wildly wonderful marriage I have now. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro and rule #1: stop worshipping sex (00:05:24) - Develop the self-esteem and willingness to walk aw...
May 30, 2024•12 min
Talking point: relationships, communication, boundaries I am so honored to be talking to Nedra this week, whose work and words have helped untold numbers of people. Her work on boundaries balances firmness with kindness in a way that I find inspiring. If you're wondering how to be more assertive and have deeper communication in all your relationships, this is gonna be your episode. (00:00:00) - Intro and how closeness is measured by depth (00:09:39) - Emotional followthrough is critical (00:14:4...
May 27, 2024•56 min•Ep. 493
Talking points: social media, masculinity, culture, the manosphere You know the type. The conflict-focused, disrespectful bastions of non-matured masculinity. All loudly promising—if only you follow their framework—the secret to making millions and having your own harem. I get a lot of asks to weigh on this. Specifically, what makes these guys so popular. Here are my thoughts. (00:00:00) - Intro and what I grew up with (00:03:39) - The feeling of virility and reckless certainty is understandable...
May 23, 2024•20 min
Talking points: relationships, sex Thrilled to have Dr. Laurie return! This time, we go deep on sexual attachment. How it shows up, how it's a little different than the attachment styles you might know of, and what might be blocking it in your relationship. There is TONS of good info and insight here, team, so listen closely. (00:00:00) - What is the “sexual attachment cycle”? (00:05:59) - Where does the push-pull dynamic start, and how cues to sex slow down in some relationships (00:14:37) - Wh...
May 20, 2024•57 min•Ep. 492
Talking points: anxiety, relationships You asked, I answer! The latest Man's Guide, specifically for folks dating someone with anxious attachment or just general anxiousness. I've had a ton of couples come to be asking how to tackle this, so here are the important things to ask yourself, and six points you can work on right away. (00:00:00) - Intro and one of the most important elements to shifting this dynamic (00:03:38) - What role in the dynamic are you playing? It can be hard to admit! (00:0...
May 16, 2024•30 min
Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define "masculinity", but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we've both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team. (00:00:00) - Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture? (00:05:...
May 13, 2024•50 min•Ep. 491
Talking points: business, mindset I've been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don't work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It's to help other men be what they know they're capable of being. So if you're someone who's teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here's what I've learned. (00:00:00) - Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men (00:10:25) - What I’ve disc...
May 09, 2024•43 min
Talking points: purpose, archetypes, trauma, perfectionism, abandonment This week, a shadow work session with an anonymous guest. If you've ever wondered what this kind of work is like, now's your chance to check it out. My guest today has already done some great work and has found drive and purpose, but something has kept him from taking action. As we work to find out what's going on, we learn about past events that laid a foundation of resistance. Note: there's some heavy stuff in here. You've...
May 06, 2024•39 min•Ep. 490
Talking points: mindset, the shadow I've been fascinated by the power of a good question for as long as I can remember. These are five simple (but not easy) ones that have radically altered my life for the better. I still use them today when I'm feeling stuck or unsure in my health, business, and relationships. Listen in! (00:00:00) - Intro and the importance of good questions (00:04:00) - Your mind has a LOT of unconscious content, and it’s actually useful (00:06:43) - The benefit of framing qu...
May 02, 2024•22 min
Talking points: relationships, authenticity, mindset How do you truly live life for yourself while navigating a relationship? What does it take to navigate what both of you want without creating resentment? How do you break free from what you're "supposed" to be—but remain authentic? These are all questions Lisa Bilyeu has had to answer in order to create an incredible life, and she's answered them powerfully. A privilege to sit down with her and dig into the intensity that can be modern relatio...
Apr 29, 2024•51 min•Ep. 489
Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free. (00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame (00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic com...
Apr 25, 2024•45 min
Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more. (00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment (00:07:45) - The video tha...
Apr 23, 2024•54 min•Ep. 488
Talking points: attachment, relationships Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership. (00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain” (00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong (00:08:28) - Examples of the...
Apr 18, 2024•42 min
Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen! (00:00:00) - Intro, and wh...
Apr 15, 2024•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 487
Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one. Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously. (00:0...
Apr 11, 2024•35 min
Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking...
Apr 08, 2024•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 486
Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps. (00:00:00) -...
Apr 04, 2024•1 hr 6 min
Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three w...
Apr 01, 2024•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 485
Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we? If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important. (00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was (00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic com...
Mar 28, 2024•36 min
Talking points: parenting, children, attachment, psychology You may have heard me mention Duey before. He co-facilitates the ManTalks Men's Weekends with me, and his work is absolutely incredible. I was thrilled to sit down with him last week, just before our sojourn to Texas. We dive into all things attachment. How children and adults experience it, when it starts forming, and how my own son has taught me some incredible lessons on it. Also, listen in for Thunderbutt. No, I'm not kidding. (00:0...
Mar 25, 2024•58 min•Ep. 484
Talking points: mindset, psychology, the shadow If you've been following the show for a while, you'll know I'm a big Jung fan. You also don't have dive too deep into his work to find game-changing ideas of his. Here are 3 short yet sublime ideas of Jung's that you can reflect on—and maybe even execute on—pretty much right away. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:46) - “Who looks inside, dreams. Who looks outside, awakens.” (00:06:00) - “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” (00:10:...
Mar 21, 2024•15 min
Talking points: AI, porn, relationships, conflict Yowza. So grateful for Matthia's thoughtful and nuanced ideas on everything from artificial intelligence to therapy-speak to anger and approaching relationships. We go from the esoteric to the practical and back again, so listen in team. This is a great one to share with a partner. (00:00:00) - Intro, Matthia’s adventures with AI, and how it's already shifting culture (00:16:42) - When AI does things TOO well (00:20:32 ) - How AI will impact inti...
Mar 18, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 483
