Men's Mental Health (My ABC Radio Interview) #558

I managed to have a roughly 15 or so 20 minute interview talking about the man that Can Project and men's mental health , which is something that we're so focused on is giving you guys tools , resources and having conversations to help you improve your quality of life , and this episode is no different .

So , just before we dive into the episode , I do want to remind you on Monday morning , the Iron Cowboy is on the show . So if you haven't heard of the Iron Cowboy , he originally , back in 2014 , completed 50 full length Ironman in 50 days across 50 states of America . Then , in 2021 , he did 101 Ironman consecutively .

So really inspiring story about grit , mindset and community . That will be going live on Monday . But let's dive into my episode , or interview with Rebecca from ABC Radio .

Improving men's mental health is good for everyone , and one man who was on a mission to empower blokes through conversation on his podcast is Lachlan Stewart . It's all part of the man that Can Project . Hello , lachy .

So we started that in 2017 with men's groups , where we literally were bringing men from all walks of life together to have conversations and share challenges , and then it's continually evolved . After that , it's like , okay , well , we're now opening up and we're building relationships expressing vulnerability . What's continually evolved after that ?

It's like , okay , well , we're now opening up and we're building relationships expressing vulnerability . What's the next thing that we can do to help move people to where they want to get to ?

I felt like deep inside I had this idea that I could do something great , and I wasn't sure what that was .

So being able to learn from men from all walks of life who were successful in their marriages , who were successful in business , who had great health or lifestyles and I wanted them to tell me not only what it took to be successful , but the sacrifices , maybe their conversations with their families or the heartache that they went through in order to do that , so I

could make better decisions , because I felt like I was the only one who had the struggles . But then , when you start hearing from all walks of life , you realize it's a lot more common than you first thought .

I was like I've got to really find a way out of this and I had a good support network around me at the time . I had just met Amy and I was like I want to be better . And then I'd also had a mate who gave me a book of all things I'd never really read but for whatever reason , I read the book and it changed my life .

And that book was the Four Agreements and it was more so the fact that one . I was proud I read the book and there's a few simple best . And from that I started learning and I started using social media Instagram to share the things that I was learning .

I was excited that I was changing and I was challenging beliefs and just doing things that I didn't think a bloke like me was capable of . I never excelled at speaking . My mom always says I mumbled a lot . I was very angry . My response to criticism or anything was alcohol or aggression .

And when I started realizing that that could change , I was genuinely excited . So I was like this is my journey . And as a result of that , I had people messaging me and they're like how have you done that ? Or some ladies were like oh , you need to talk to my husband or my partner .

I was like cool , and eventually I got to this crossroads where I didn't want to continue in the career that I was doing at the time , which was building , and I wanted to be able to have a flexible career so I could travel with Amy .

And as a result of that , and I was like well , I love helping people and it's what I am doing for myself anyway , so I'm just practicing what I preach , and that sort of evolved and it created a space or a place for other men to go oh , man , bucky's been through that or I've been through this .

And we just shared experiences and really opened up avenues for more men to start communicating and putting their own thoughts into , I guess , structure , because a lot of men really struggle with being able to articulate how they're feeling or what they're going through , so they bottle it up until they just erupt .

So being able to help them understand that and make sense of it then allows the next steps to happen .

Because I get the conversations , but how do you actually commit to that ?

So if I was struggling with something or if I could not explain it , I'd write it down and I'd be like that's not quite what I mean . So let's play around with some more words or really structure it and give meaning to it .

And when I did that , I was able to feel more certain and more confident in what I wanted to say or how I wanted to express myself . And when you become confident and certain , a lot of the overwhelm disappears and you really start to feel like you have value and you have purpose . And from that it just leads from one step to the other .

So the practical step and it does sound quite easy is literally just start brain-dumbing , writing down , and people get stuck with the whole what do I journal ? Do I need to say Dear Diary , or whatever it is ? But it could literally be . There's some days , even to this day , where I might have nothing to write .

So I'll just start with the date and I'll start it and then some days I'll have an awesome brain dump . Other days it's just literally like this is what I'm doing today , but it just is really unpacking and making sense of what's going on in your head , because if you just leave it up there , it's like throwing in so much information . We listen .

We've got social media , people are listening to this . Now , we're constantly consuming . It'd be like throwing all your favorite ingredients into a blender plus some stuff that you don't want to be in there , turning it on and trying to like pull out an apple . It's not possible unless you turn it off and slow things down .

How did your mates and acquaintances respond to some of the changes that I guess they started to see in you ?

But because I really wanted to change , because I had Facebook pages made about me where people were just , I had a hashtag in the beginning called unrestricted living , because I wanted to create this awesome life and people didn't quite like that .

But knowing what I know now is more so the change of how I used to show up in their life , like I was the guy that would party with them . I'd always be there on a Friday , saturday , sunday , whenever they needed me . But now all of a sudden , I'm not doing that .

I'm putting some boundaries in my life so I can create better things , and that's uncomfortable for everyone as much as it was for me . It's also you know , I experience it now where you sort of grow apart from friends , and it's not because anyone's better or worse , it's just we want different things and that's completely okay .

And I think , because people are so uncomfortable with change , that challenges people and you do what you know find a way to make yourself feel comfortable . So you're like I'll bring them back down to my level or I'll make them feel bad about it . So hopefully I get the Lockie back that I know and I love .

You can learn a lot about your mindset . You've got a plan , You've got to train . Things go wrong All things that happen in life and so by doing this , I was like let's put this out to the community . We'll get people together and people can do whatever distance they'd like .

So we had some guys or some people , we had men and women joining , people who were doing their first five kilometers or two kilometers , or Amy rode a marathon . People were doing all these kinds of things and the breakthroughs that they had was incredible .

But they then also got to go oh , next time I'd probably train a little bit more , or I got blisters on my hand , so I'd probably tape my hands up . So they were learning these things and the hidden message in that was like hey , that's life . If you're setting a goal , something that you would love to achieve , you have to create a plan . Plan will change .

Probably things will go wrong . You need good people around you , but if you can start to learn that when you are faced with adversity or when you do want to grow , you know you've got these key foundations that you can build upon the man that can project .

My name is Rebecca Levingston , so let's go to some of the specific podcast episodes Overcoming heartbreak as a man , how to stop overthinking , how to make friends when you're over 30 . I mean , these are just great tools for life . Who do you talk to and how do you navigate those challenges ?

And once again , that's why I think it's really important for us , as men and as individuals , to be self-aware and have a good understanding of how we're feeling emotionally , have some , I guess , checkpoints to be like . I can't handle this by myself . I do need some people .

But if we were to then move over to if I'm overthinking , is it chronic or is it , you know , is it short or has it been going on for a long time ? And if it is long time , you probably do really need some support and some help with that , to navigate that , because no one wants to be overwhelmed all the time or overthinking .

And once again , that's where , looking at the whole yin and yang approach , if we bring it back to health and fitness , it's like when you're building a career or raising a family or doing anything that requires you to do something new , you will overthink because you're trying to piece together a brand new puzzle .

So if you know you're doing that , you also need to balance it out with some time where you can just sort of sit , reflect and ease along . Same with relationships , it's one of the biggest reasons why men will join our program is a relationship breakdown , and everyone's trying to do the best that we can with the information that we have .

A relationship breakdown puts you in a position where your biggest support system is generally gone and you're like oh bugger , what do I do here now ? I don't know how to navigate what I'm feeling . We haven't grown up and this is a stereotype but to express or understand how we process emotion . So it's overwhelming , it feels horrible .

The only way we generally know how to deal with that is through alcohol . It's numbing that pain , but alcohol is a depressant . So while it may help you feel good for a couple of hours , the next day you feel worse .

And so if we don't pull ourselves out of that rut or if we don't have a good support network to help be like hey , lucky , I've noticed that you're drinking a little bit much since you split up with Amy , for example . Not that we have , but we maybe need to talk to someone or come hang out with us , let's go for a walk .

It's why we , instead of catching up with our mates for beers and stuff like that , it's like let's go for a hike or go for a run or go for a sauna , like there's so many alternatives that can add more value to your life . And I'm not saying that going for a beer or wine don't , because I do enjoy that . There's definitely benefits .

But if you're sort of in a tough position , it's when you sort of need to start thinking about the decisions and the impacts of that .

What's your advice to blokes who are feeling things and just can't figure out how to get it out and , as you say , it is that bottleneck internally ?

I've found and this is really weird , but found filming myself to be a great tool because I can just express myself how I am and then if I want to watch back or for feedback or go see professional help , if you do have friends or family that you feel comfortable opening up to reach out to them and start that conversation , and how you could start that could

be , for example , to Amy . It's like I've been stressed out the last couple of weeks . This is why I'm feeling stressed . I'm noticing my mood become more anxious or I'm snapping , and that's not how I want to treat you or how I feel like doing that .

And right now all I'm looking to do is vent or all I'm looking for is some feedback , state what you would like from the individual . But also , I guess , another point to note with that is a lot of ladies will reach out to me and say I just wish my husband would open up to me or do whatever it is , and I've also had a lot of feedback from men .

When they have actually opened up , they've caught their partner or wife off guard and they've shut them down again . So it's sort of not ruined I wouldn't say ruined , but it's closed that door for the moment . So make sure that you set the environment up to have those conversations .

A lot of people come home from work and just unload where it's like hey , amy , do you mind if we have 10 minutes tonight where I can you know , maybe having a glass of red or having a cup of tea , and I can just , you know , unload what I've been stressed about today , or vice versa , if you notice your partner's feeling the same way .

life .

But whether they'll come to a workshop or they'll shoot you a message on Instagram , and even if it's a wife of someone who's listened to it , it's a really cool feeling to know that just words that are coming out of my mouth , from experiences that I've had or things that I've understood , have had a potential impact on people's lives .

But I truly believe that by listening to people's experiences , it's not always advice or perspective that maybe resonates , but you can start piecing together information to improve your own life and it helps you realize and recognize that you're not alone .

Everyone's going through stuff , and some people's stories are able to provide you with tools to better improve your own life or trigger a thought . And we don't have children yet , but we've got a men's group , like a dad's group in our community that are always doing dad's chats , and I'm still jumping on there because I'm like one day I'll have kids .

So I might as well start being prepared for what could potentially happen , and I just think the power of conversation is so undervalued .

Good on you , lockie . It's so good to hear the avenues you are opening up and congratulations .

There are so many other men's groups or opportunities available and I think it's really important to find what you resonate with and use that as a path or a vehicle to be the best version of yourself Because , to your point , like the suicide , domestic violence and stuff , a lot of helping you become more aware of your emotions and your thoughts and feelings and

behaviors can be improved by being around the right people and environment .