How To Improve Your Self-Talk #546

I'm not talking about nonverbal , verbal and how you hold yourself , but more so the stages around intra-the conversations that you have with yourself , the relationship and communication there , the communication that you have with other people , but then also the communication that you have with the world around you .

If you stay until the end , I'm going to give you frameworks for each of them so that you can improve them stage by stage . The most important one is definitely going to be the communication with yourself , and also the last one , which is the communication with the world . You'll understand why this week , amy and I are on the road .

It's going to be a fun week where we're actually starting in St Louis , then we're heading all around the place up to Minneapolis where they have that cool sauna plunge place in the ice . It's actually a place at Fingers Cross . We have time to check out . If you're following me on socials , fingers Cross will have that . What it essentially is .

It's a big lake there in Minneapolis which is frozen over and they have dragged some barrel saunas down to it , which looks pretty cool . Then they've just chainsawed holes in the ice . You can do contrast therapy , hot saunas , getting hot and then jumping in the cold plunge there as well . It looks pretty fun , looks pretty interesting .

I think we will hopefully do it , because otherwise it's just going to be a long , long week on the road . Amy's got radio tours , I'm the driver , but I'll also be listening to a hip-hop podcast and thinking about upcoming episodes . If you're here for the first time , remember to hit that follow button so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes .

I trust that you really enjoyed the episode we did with Bradley Farquhar on Monday . We've got Forest Black coming up this coming Monday and there's plenty to learn from those . Gentlemen , let's start with the voice inside your head Communication with self , intrapersonal communication , if you want to get technical with it .

Many of us have that voice inside of our head . Some of us focus on it more than others and if you're like me , you probably spend a lot of time listening to that voice , which means if it's not communicating to you in a positive way , it can be quite a tough slog getting to where you want to get to . Every day it can feel like a bit of a grind .

Now , not everyone is going to have that optimistic , positive voice on all the time .

For me personally , I feel like it's more I wouldn't say pessimistic , but definitely more on the lookout for dangers and the ways to be screwed over , et cetera , which can be good to a degree , but I think it holds me back in a number of ways which you're about to find out .

Quite often for us , it can feel like we can't control that voice , that first thought that pops into our head . I definitely agree , we can't control . It comes from our attitudes , our beliefs and conditioning . However , we can control the second thought Now .

The second thought is probably one that we want to fit think that is going to benefit our life and improve our communication with self . Because , if you think about this , there's a little exercise that you can do .

If you were to think of a time where you felt or when you were beating yourself up , you felt like a loser , you didn't feel like you had much to offer the world or people around you , I want you to notice the things that you were saying to yourself .

Then I want to notice how saying those things to you , maybe right now , make you feel it doesn't feel very good when you're not feeling very good . How you show up in the world , how you communicate to other people , may not be the right level of energy that you would want to show up with or maybe need to show up within your career .

I want you to flip that now and think about a time where you felt extremely confident , when you were winning and life just felt amazing . You might have won the lotto . You may have just received a text message with some great news , received a job promotion .

The thoughts and the emotions that go with that are completely different , but I want you to notice how you feel then , even some of the things that you were saying to yourself . I know for myself a real life example at the start of the year , financially , I was struggling and my mood was really impacted like that .

The way that I was talking to myself was really impacted . Thank you all , genuinely thank you , thank you , thank you . Flip the script on its head . I started talking to myself differently and I started feeling different , when the reality is nothing had really changed . I know you can say the bank account changed in momentum . Of course .

However , who I was hadn't necessarily changed . So when you can become aware of that , you then go okay , well , if I can't control the first thought , I really want to start developing the skill of that second thought . And what would that look like ?

So , when you can start thinking about what some Constance are meaning constant thoughts that you have are , and if they're not empowering you , if they're not positive , if they're Damaging your self-esteem or the image that you have of yourself , write them down . Okay , get a piece of pen and paper out now and just start writing them down .

It could be I'm a loser , I'm not good enough , I'm always struggling with money , whatever it may be . Write them down and then , in a column next to it , I want you to challenge that . Okay , if that's your first thought , what should the second or what do you need the second thought To be in order to overcome that ? So , first thought I'm a loser .

Second thought I'm in complete control and I'm winning . Okay , it may feel hard to tell yourself that , but like developing anything , growing anything , it takes time and it takes repetition .

So in the beginning , if you're getting in the gym , you may not feel comfortable in there , you may not have community in there , but if you continue to show up , eventually you're gonna meet people . Eventually you're gonna start seeing progress while lifting the weight . So it's the same process . You just need the consistency and you also need the frequency .

But obviously , when we're looking at something like the conversations you're having with yourself , you need to schedule time to do that , and so , while a lot of the conversations are happening happening internally , people may be no , don't notice . Some ways that I found that have been Extremely beneficial to improve those things is , firstly , is voicing it out loud .

It's the reason why I love doing video . It's the reason why I Do the or started the podcast . Ultimately , because as you verbalize things , you may go that actually sounds quite ridiculous . Or maybe I just want to learn how to reword that .

Okay , the great white thing with podcast or with Video , or even doing it in the mirror , I guess , is you can then get real life feedback and start changing and improving the things that you Want to change . The second thing is writing it out . It's why I write every morning .

It's One of the best things to really help you understand your own thoughts but really structure sentences better so that you can Say how you feel . A lot of men don't like going into confrontation . They struggle in their relationships because they can't say how they feel . So you can be on one side .

We just allow that to be the reason why your relationships continue to break down . You don't get to experience all the benefits and and growth in life . Or you can jump on the other side . Where you actively start doing something about it , you go yep . At the moment , I cannot Do that . That's not a skill I have developed .

However , I'm going to take time to develop that . So two things there voice it out loud . Secondly , write it out . Or thirdly , content . So some things that I've done . Obviously , as I mentioned , it's like start thinking about whether you're more Positive with yourself talk or you're sitting in the negative side , and it doesn't matter where you are .

Obviously , if you're in the positive side , awesome , but both have pros and cons . Okay , if you're constantly optimistic and positive , you may forget to check for things going on . You may miss out on opportunities to learn things , because I'm always seeing the good .

I think there's a Nice balance and I think , through reflection , you can look at both , but start working out what that out , so what that looks like for you . And if you struggle with that , I've got a course coming out within the next ten days of this podcast that you'll be able to get access to .

It's going to cost you 17 bucks , a little bit of investment , but it will start helping you develop these skills and it will give you worksheets and a workbook to sit down and just do the thing .

You can listen to all of these Podcasts and go to events , but if you're not doing the thing and especially with self-awareness and emotions and communication that just comes with you you have to write , you have to speak in order to learn to develop those skills . But some things I would look at .

Number one start identifying the thoughts , whether they're positive or negative , as I've Mentioned , and your self image . So your self image is how you describe yourself , so you can think about features , hair color , eye color . But also , how do you talk about your body ? Is it fat , is it muscly , is it Whatever ?

Because you're painting an image and generally we have ideas around specific images , right ? People Stereotype obese people . People stereotype skinny people . People Stereotype those don't look after their physical appearance and those who do .

Okay , but for the individual , you need to work out how you want your self image to be , because then you can start developing habits and skill sets to support that image Very important thing there . Number two create those replacement thoughts and build things , those skills and routines to develop your self image .

They would be two things that I would focus on for intrapersonal communication or communication with self . I do believe it's the most important place to start , because when you are building on that , you can then also . It then makes it easier for how you're going to show up with other people . Meaning and let's just go straight into number two .

But intrapersonal communication or communication with others . You know , things like body posture , word choice , the way that you use your voice , setting boundaries , setting expectations , deciding who you want to surround yourself with are all things that are made so much easier when your communication with self and your understanding of self is dialed in .

So you'll notice and I want you to think , you know , whenever you walk into a room , do you walk in with your eyes on the ground , your shoulders rolled forward , almost portraying a sense of low self-esteem , like you don't deserve to be there , and you may think that it's not a big deal , but it is because when we start going into phase number three , with

the world around us and how we're communicating and you want leadership , you want influence this is where it becomes powerful . So don't disregard this . I think it's very important and definitely very underutilized , but when we're thinking about how we want to communicate with others , there are so many skills that we can learn .

Obviously , you know , the world would work really easy if we weren't dealing with people who had different values , attitudes and beliefs , et cetera , and ways of communication . But because it is , the more you can develop how you communicate with other people , the better you'll be able to navigate and empower other people and improve your own life .

So , when I go back to that self image , which really helps with how you're showing up with other people , how do you want other people to perceive you ? For me , it's you want to come across confidently . I want to be able to help people navigate to where they want to get to , which means I need to learn active listening .

I need to learn how to problem solve . I need to learn how to make people feel valued and heard and , once again , much like the other things that we've spoken about earlier , they're all skill sets .

There's so many books out there that you can start reading or podcasts , or even jump into the academy where we talk about this stuff a lot , and you're just going to constantly be fine . Tuning that .

Firstly , when you become aware , hey , I can actually improve how I show up in a social setting , I can exemplify more confidence , which maybe makes you more influential or more attractive to certain people . That's a skill that you can develop right , changing that self image . So some things that are important to think about when you're with other people .

How do you actually want to communicate ? Some people in today's society it's like they sit behind a keyboard , like these keyboard warriors that if they were standing face to face with you they wouldn't say half the shit that they do .

So for me it's like , when there's important conversations that need to be had , they have to happen face to face because you get all the sensors , you get the body language , the , I guess , the energy of the actual moment .

You get to sit there through the awkward conversation or awkward pauses , et cetera , to really know what's going on , as opposed to sending you know if anyone's ever had a breakup via text message . You're like fucking hell , hell , what's happened here ? And it's really hard to respond .

Or you may interpret a certain text message in a way , because you aren't hearing the tone of voice , you aren't able to necessarily ask questions straight back , you aren't able to read body language , and these are all things that once again influence conversation , influence communication with other people .

So think about body posture , think about your word choice , think about the way that you use your voice , think about the boundaries and expectations that I've mentioned , because , once again , when you're communicating honestly with yourself , the relationships that you keep , they have to have boundaries , they have to have expectations , because otherwise you'll end up in a

relationship or in a social environment where maybe you don't feel valued , you don't feel heard , and most people want connection , they want to feel valued , they want to feel heard .

So when you can start thinking about that , it makes it so much easier with how you're going to communicate with people moving forward , and if I've forgotten anything , obviously we'll brush over that .

But once again , if you listen to these episodes , you're in the academy , you have a greater opportunity to ask questions , get involved in our weekly calls to learn about these things . So , thirdly , I want to talk about communication with the world around us . And why is that so important ?

So there's a good study done years ago where there was a case study of students and they obviously going into a school and the principal has told the teachers hey , this person , this person , this person , this person they're showing exceptional talent . These guys could be the next Duxes or Deans , or whatever it is in each country , but they have exceptional talent .

Little did the teachers know that these kids were just picked at random . It was a placebo , essentially , and what do you think happened ? How do you think the teachers communicated with these students that they were told had exceptional ability ? They communicated very differently and gave them extra attention because they wanted to lift them up , and it's interesting .

This is why I think it's very fascinating with where you're positioned in the world . Some of us have more opportunities to learn about money . Some of us have more opportunities to learn about relationships or health , and that can really shift how other people perceive us .

I was very fortunate with really understanding health , because it was something that I was always around and encouraged to pursue , which then has changed how the rest of the world sees me in regards to people come to me asking for health advice , asking for training , advice , mindset , because of the advantages that I had in that situation .

The reality is , though , anyone can be put in that situation at any point , and it's why environment is such a powerful thing If you position yourself and this is the difference between , I guess , where I am now and now that I'm starting to understand that you can choose to position yourself in a way and if you want to choose to position yourself with influence ,

however it may be , people are going to start to interpret that that way . So the influence that I have decided to have in regards to how I want to live my life and how I want you guys to view me is that I don't want people messaging me to say , hey , locky , let's go partying , or Locky's the party guy .

I want it to be from a health focus and from a life improvement focus .

So what you would recognize that if I ever went off the rails , for example , and what I would consider that to be would be , if I ever went on a bender for ages and started acting weird with alcohol and all of that sort of stuff , most people would understand that that's probably not me , the way that I've shown up for the last 10 years plus , they would be

able to tell that something's wrong , as opposed to someone who maybe is doing that every day . That's just the normal .

So what you're choosing to do , how you're choosing to position yourself , and we can talk about positioning in a whole different podcast , but how you're choosing to position yourself will create or destroy opportunities that would come into your life , but also your reputation . They say it takes a lifetime to build a reputation and one poor experience to break it .

So here are a few things that I'd consider you to think about . Is one , how others treat you or hold you accountable , and vice versa , if you were to go on a actually , I covered that story already .

So point one how do you present yourself currently ? That was a long period of time and probably still in that . I'm only just learning a lot more about this now . But where my physical appearance ? I was always just rocking up in joggers and sports gear and looking a bit scruffy , much like if you're watching on YouTube .

Now I haven't had a haircut , but it's important to think about how you want to present yourself , based off the influence that you want to have and the positioning . If you look like someone who doesn't take care of themselves , then people notice that , okay , and if you , I sit in there thinking to self , well , they shouldn't judge me on how I look .

The reality is that's just how the world works , so you can either fight against that or you can accept that and what try and work with it to get the outcomes that you want . The second thing is like that positioning piece how do you want to be seen in the place that you're being ? It's no difference .

Okay , and here's a real life example that I've thought about . I do a lot of stuff online .

Okay , speak to hundreds of people , have worked with close to a thousand men now and the difference between me being able to say that , having worked with people online , as opposed to me hosting a face to face event , having a thousand men there , the positioning would completely shift . Seeing me online with one to one people , etc .

The group calls it's like yeah , that's cool , but if you saw me standing in a conference room with a thousand men around me , all of a sudden , my positioning would change . You guys would think I have a lot more influence and authority . However , it's the exact same impact that I'm currently having .

So there's many ways that you can start thinking about how you want to position yourself in certain situations , and that's just a business front . But you can do this in your family life , in your with your health , etc . And it's something to consider as you start navigating your way to success . The final point there is what is your influence ?

Okay , who do you ? How do you influence yourself ? And , by showing up consistently and frequently , what's the influence you're starting to have on the people around you ? So , to recap and I managed to get that it done in time first one obviously , the voice inside your head .

We all have and I believe it's the most important place to start as we start working on that . So the tips for improvement there number one is start identifying your thoughts and self image . Number two is create replacement thoughts and build on that self image .

So consistently Working the reps on how you want to talk to yourself and how you want to , what image you want to build . The second one , with other people , is how you're presenting yourself right the body posture , the word choice , the way that we use our voice , the boundaries that you set , the expectations .

So think about things like how do I want to communicate , practice using your voice , practice talking , practice active listening . So think about once again you might do this in public or , if you're not quite comfortable doing that yet , use your phone and record yourself . Take note , grab a journal , start writing . That's going to help you .

Practice using your voice . It's going to help you practice talking and then finally practice active listening . You can do that with friends and family .

Put on podcasts , and here's an exercise that I've done before , as I'll listen to a podcast and pretend they're talking to me so that I'll write questions back based on where the conversations going .

That helps you then improve your active listening and get better at questions , because the quality of your questions determines the quality of the conversation and , finally , the world around us , as with that example , how are people positioning you , how are you presenting yourself and what influence do you want to have ? All things worth considering now .

If you want help with these things , I would highly recommend once again applying to join the strongman of value Academy , because we're helping men live inspired lives by connecting , empowering and influence them , influencing them sorry to do so and our communities continuing to grow .

All you need to do is head over to the man that cam project dot com , click on the strongman of value page and go through that application process . Then you will receive a phone call from myself . Also , if you gain value from this episode , share it , hit , follow on whichever platform and if you want to get involved in that conversation .

Just drop some comments in the tab below . My name is Lachlan Stuart and , as always , do something today to be better for tomorrow .