Finding Your Tribe: Authentic Connection and Community #562

I know a lot of people that I work with struggle with it and I can almost guarantee a lot of you that are listening to this or reading this are suffering and struggling with it as well .

What I've thought about , and I've looked into a lot , is more about building communities , and communities can't be established without individuals like yourself and myself coming together with a common goal and values and belief systems in order to really gel and move forward .

As a result of you feeling like you have a place in that community , or myself , we then experience that sense of belonging that all of us crave and all of us desire .

What I do want to mention before you continue listening over on the newsletter , which you can find on my website , there's a number of diagrams that I find really helpful to help you understand this more .

If you're very much like myself , where you love seeing imagery on how things work , and I've spent a fair bit of time really breaking this down , thinking about the most simple way that I would have enjoyed consuming it a number of years ago and still the most simple way and way that I enjoy consuming it today . So I really appreciate you guys being here .

Think about it like this there are events that you go to . There are people that you speak with that you just feel like the time has flown and you want it to continue .

Then there are events that you attend meetups that you go to , people that you speak to , where you're like I never want to see that person again , I never want to experience that again , and they are all completely okay .

What a lot of people don't truly do is reflect on the impact of those experiences , because if you were doing that , you would probably be much closer to being in the environment where you experience that sense of belonging because you've gone . Oh , I need more of that in my life .

Therefore , let's schedule time to do that , or schedule time to invest in that relationship . I hope that's making sense .

The sense of belonging that a lot of us are chasing is you want to feel valued , you want to have common interests , you want to have purpose within that environment , meaning you're not just showing up and sitting in the corner and you feel like you can be your authentic self .

You know , there was a stat that I read this week that three in four Americans and Australia is a little bit less don't feel a sense of belonging in at least one area of their life . And the cool thing about that is that if you feel a sense of belonging at least one area of your life , you just need to reflect on why is that ?

And develop a framework , and I think the one that I'll give you throughout this episode will be extremely helpful , because you can then go okay , well , if this is the framework that works in this area , let's say , professionally , have found your sense of belonging , you've found your tribe .

Then , if you've found that there , you need to just break that down and then go okay , let's duplicate that in my personal life and I guarantee you you'll move much closer to where you want to be . Firstly , why should we care , and why should you care , that there are a lot of people suffering in silence ?

You may be one of them or someone that you know , but I just gave it away and I just realized that is , we should care that people don't have a sense of belonging because they are suffering in silence . I've been there .

I know a number of my clients , as I've mentioned , and a number of you guys are suffering in silence , and it doesn't need to be that way . So what I'm going to share with you isn't a quick fix .

It has been an ongoing journey for myself and something that took probably 18 months before I really grasped it , because I had a lot of work to do on myself before I could really fit into the environments and the meetups that I wanted to , and that's why self-discovery is such an important part .

I've built a course that you guys can check out on the website , which will help you , in just three hours , get really clear on that and build a roadmap to start discovering more about who you are and what you want , because when you're in a position where you really have an idea of who you are in this moment , it will evolve and what you want .

You can then start seeking out experiences and meetups that are more aligned with that , because that's going to help you get around those like-minded people and experiences that are going to give you that huge sense of belonging . So think about that , but you must accept you are responsible for doing this . No one else can do it for you .

As much as it pains me to say that , because I know some of you are in pain , you have to step up and you have to really ask more of yourself in this moment to get yourself on the other side , where life is great . I've walked that path .

I understand how hard it can be to dig yourself and if you don't have a good support network around , it's probably going to be that little bit harder . But if you're listening to this , you're already doing more than most people . You just need to put into practice what you're listening to right now .

So back to 2013 , almost 11 years ago now , I wasn't living authentically , and to me , living authentically means living by my own values , my own beliefs and my own goals . At the time , I recognize as much as , on the outside looking in , I was living a great life . I'd been playing rugby in France , I had good relationships , some cool friends .

I still never felt like I was truly being myself . I wasn't living authentically and , as a result of that , I wasn't experiencing the fulfillment that I thought I should be with the success that I achieved , or sustained at that . So for a long time , I felt confused . I was feeling lost and I was like I thought this was success .

I thought this was supposed to make me feel fulfilled and I would feel like I really belong to something or being a part of something . But because I had adopted other people's beliefs , other people's values and other people's goals of what a good life should look like , I didn't feel like I belong because it wasn't congruently what I wanted .

And if you're experiencing that , that is okay . But coming back to , you need to take responsibility for that . You really need to start doing this self-discovery work to get back on path with this , because it's never too late . It honestly

isn't . I do believe , and I'll be completely honest , when I first experienced , I guess , wanting to fit in and I believe everyone wants to fit in that's that whole sense of belonging .

But unfortunately , we sacrifice our own values , beliefs , standards or goals in order to fit into crowds that maybe we don't or wouldn't fit into had we known more about where we want to be in life . And I did that , and this is nothing against any of the communities that I was part of .

They were all stepping stones , but what happened as a result of that was that I sacrificed so much of my opportunity to discover more about who I was .

Now I remember when I was 13 , and this is probably one of the earliest memories of really trying to fit in I went to a rugby school on a scholarship for running right , but as someone who loves skateboarding and loved running , I was quite skinny .

And I went to this rugby school and I stood out for my own reasons , because I was winning state titles , et cetera , and so I started getting picked on , and I didn't like getting picked on no way . So what I decided to do was , I thought , if I become a rugby player , I'll be , I guess , accepted by the people who are picking .

So I stopped and I guess I changed my goals . I shifted what I valued in order to fit in , and I did fit in . I didn't stand out and fitting into the wrong crowd and I won't say wrong crowd because I love the great mates but I guess , from what I was trying to achieve standpoint , I didn't feel like I was being authentically myself .

I'd sacrificed part of who I was , and that is not a fun place to live .

The power of wanting to fit in really pulled me away from where I was truly supposed to be , and it wasn't until I was older that I recognized I want to put a disclaimer here being so young and not really having the tools or the education to understand how important it is to discover who you are . I needed that .

I didn't want to get picked on , I didn't want to stand out in a world where , like this whole video , I wanted to belong , I wanted to find out , and so I wouldn't change that . And for the younger people listening , this framework will be more powerful for you than ever .

And I do believe social media is an incredible tool for people trying to find their tribe , because you can find such niche or unique communities that you didn't have access to pre-internet . So I guess , to circle it back to that experience , I was thrown into the unknown zone , or the discomfort , in a whole new environment .

And when you're in a new environment you will feel imposter syndrome , especially if you're good at something . You will feel overwhelmed and you will doubt yourself . That's all part of it . And in those moments , with the right perspective , you can grow . And the upsides of that is you get to build resilience , you get new opportunities , you get personal growth .

But a lot of people want to stay in that comfort zone . They want to stay sheltered where they are because it's like I just want to fit in , I just want that belonging . But the consequences of belonging to the wrong group are dire and I'm sure you've experienced it . I've experienced it right no growth , no purpose , no true value .

And I want to help you guys change . If you really want that sense of belonging , you've got to accept you will grow because , in order to put yourself out there to find that sense of belonging , you're going to be meeting new people . That is growth , right . New conversations , new perspectives , new ideas , new opportunities , okay .

And you will be in new environments Once again , going to a place which maybe you haven't been in before . That is daunting . That is going to bring you those , I guess , negative feelings . But if you can accept that , or if you can understand that those negative feelings come with the unknown zone how do I best prepare for that ?

You will get comfortable in that process , which is a key part of building better connection and finding your tribe , finding your network . So let's dive in . The framework that I'm going to go through right now will bring you back to your most authentic self . Remember , it's not a quick fix .

It will take time and it will evolve , because as you learn things , as you experience new things and you're in new environments , your mindset will shift , your beliefs will shift , and that should continue to happen throughout life , because who you are right now , or what brought you to this point , isn't a version of yourself .

That's going to bring you to where you want to get to , and it's going to be that rinse and repeat cycle . So , even if you feel extremely lost , this will work for you . So where do you belong ? We've got the diagram there . We've got self-discovery . I then move to point two , which is events and meetups , and I'll explain why that's so important .

Number three is the corridor or coffee conversations . Right , the conversations happen at those or in those meetups and spaces where you get to connect with people more on a deeper level . And then we've got , finally , the mateship .

Through those coffee conversations and those corridor conversations , you'll recognize some people that you really want to continue establishing a relationship with , and you can see the arrow down the side there .

It says more at the top and goes to less , because when you're in the self-discovery phase , you're probably going to be meeting a lot more people and as you go down to mateship , there's going to be fewer . I'm always talking about in for three to five great mates , and I'll dive into that in a moment .

So self-discovery is the first point In order to find the authentic version of yourself . What do you want , what do you value , what do you believe , what are your desires are some key questions that you can start with Now . The journey of self-discovery is personal , so you're going to have different responses to those questions to other people in your life .

A simple starting point for you is embracing new experiences . If you don't know where to start , just say yes to different experiences and reflect on the impact of those and rinse and repeat and you're going to get more feedback around . Oh , I love that . I don't want to do more of that . Let's go to point two , the events and experiences piece .

We all need a reason to show up somewhere . So when there is an event or a meetup or a concert with someone that you or something that you're interested in , you already have reason to be there , and the cool thing about that is other people who are going to this have reason to be there as well , and it's generally a common interest .

You've already ticked that first , I guess , point of rapport , because you have commonality . That's why you'll always find like-minded people at events . Once you meet the people , I guarantee you quite often you're going to want to have more time with those people . I know , as someone who recharges I guess , by myself I find it very hard to be outgoing in events .

However , in 2014 , where I wanted to continue developing and building on my network and my friendship circles , I just made the effort to meet one to three new people at every function that I went to . So that meant the next step from these events was really important the corridor conversations , but I just want to touch on as well .

The key was for me that discovering more about yourself happens by meeting new people , having new experiences and being introduced to new ideas . Right , that is how you discover more about yourself and you may be in a position where you are confident you know more about what you want , so you can create events .

You can host meetups , and that might be I'll go through this in a minute a really powerful way to utilize it getting the right people together quickly . But if you're not , you don't really understand what you're interested in or where you belong . You can just start attending other people's meetups , events or barbecues , whatever it may be .

I'm not going to dive too much into this episode , but if you do have questions , comment them below . But I did a tweet and it went quite well , bringing people together and creating a sense of belonging . You can be the person to make it happen . Here is how Number one , know your community . So , as I said , the values , beliefs , standards and goals .

Number two , create a meetup . And three , allow time to connect to those meetups because we know people want it . It's a belonging and we know people want to find that the cool thing . As I mentioned at the beginning as well , this isn't just limited to your personal life . I did it in my professional life .

When I came back from France , I had worked in , I guess before I became a coach as well . I worked in construction , in sales , in marketing . I was Brisbane's best Uber driver at Proclam by myself . I did avocado picking , farming . They were all things that taught me and directed me to where I am now because I was able to go .

I love this about this industry , I don't like this about this industry , and I also knew more of around the direction . So , as a result , I got to put myself in more environments where there were people who had similar ideas of what they wanted for their life . Point three so connection . Don't be too busy to connect with people .

If you want a sense of belonging , you need to be part of a bigger community , and that means you must invest time . People who don't have friends don't invest time in their social life , and if that's not important to you , that's okay .

But a lot of people want the sense of belonging , which means you must learn to say no in other areas of your life so that you can prioritize investing in relationships and investing in being part of a community .

Once again , the reason why self-discovery is at the very top of this is , if you're time poor , which most people are , the greater understanding you have about who you are , what you want and the community that you're looking for , you can go straight there . You can beeline it there .

But if not , you're going to have to sort of play around and find out where you really fit in and what you enjoy and what values you share . So , once again , that self-discovery course can save you a lot of time . So most people do get stuck at that first point because they don't know what they want , who they are .

They just hold themselves back because they don't want to embarrass themselves , they don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation . Just think the more you can embrace those situations , the quicker you are going to get feedback , I guarantee you .

Right , this is a little challenge , but if you committed 30 days to doing something new every day , or meeting one new person every day , you would probably know more about yourself , who you are and what you want than the average person .

So that could be a good place for you to start Now , if you're following along , it's not that hard to stand out in the friendship world if you just follow these steps right , because a lot of people are sitting at home , sitting behind screens , hoping to build relationships , hoping to find their tribe . It's not going to work like that .

Now let's move to the fourth and final your tribe , your mateship . So once we've had those coffee conversations , those corridor conversations , as I mentioned , there will be people that stand out to you that you go . I want to invest more in those relationships .

Grab their contact details , whether it's their Instagram account , their mobile , their email , and find a way to continue building and adding value to that relationship .

You might be grabbing a coffee , you might go for a run , you may do a workout , whatever you're interested in , whatever the vibe of that community is , do more of that and build on that and , through time and through energy and obviously if it's reciprocal , you're going to build some really quality friends

. An example for me is two of my best friends are actually part of our Strongman of Value Academy and they first came to one of my workshops around 2019 , 2020 . So they were seeking my help to have a breakthrough Off the back of that .

Because we had similar values , similar beliefs , we became great mates , similar interests and it's just built that relationship and they're in my top five Facebook , myspace friends , but they are in the top five people that I consider dear friends . So I think it's important to think about it like that .

Come through any opportunity , be okay with the fact that as you go through these steps , the people around you or people associated there will decline . You don't need a quantity of friends , you just need the quality . That's what we want for that sense of belonging , because it's depth over width . It's like casting that fishing net . Remember that you'll cast .

You may pull in some bottles , some plastic or whatever , but you're just looking for that nice bit of snapper as you pull that in , you grab that out . Look to really build on that .

So , just to wrap this one up , if you got value from this , make sure one you've subscribed to the newsletter and if you do want to have help with discovering more about yourself , jump on the three-hour self-discovery course . It is game-changing .

I've put everything into it worksheets , interactive stuff so you can walk away from it knowing more about yourself in the next three hours than you did previously . And , once again , it's self-paced . You can work through it in pockets of time , but I would highly recommend doing that . Share this with someone that you know will get value from this .

My name is Lachlan Stewart , thank you .