Becoming the Man Your Partner Desires #522

Not only is he starting to become aware of them , I am as well , and throughout our conversation yesterday we were like why does this keep happening roughly at this timeframe ? What's the pattern ?

And from that conversation is where this episode today is going to go , and also some follow up episodes , because once again , today's episode wants to be about 15 minutes , so it's short and sharp for you guys .

But the other topics I will be covering over the next couple of weeks and it's a reason why you want to subscribe to the man that can project podcast Is these things are going to give you perspectives , insights and strategies . You know the frameworks that I use within our strong meta value academy program to help men become the best version of themselves .

So some other things we're going to be covering over the next couple of weeks will be how to know if you're with the right person or partner .

Some of the greatest relationship advice that I've received obviously today becoming the man your wife desires how to have a healthy relationship , how to control your emotions , thoughts and feelings , and a lot more so the more you guys engage with me , whether you are a client or you're just someone who's following along or listening .

If you want to share your stories with me , I can give you once again , frameworks that I have , that I know work or my own personal experiences to help you guys through Now .

So we've been setting up in our living area you know , I'm waiting for some colored lights so you can see that lamp behind them , getting one of those LED ones to change it up to make it look sexy , but also just make it an office space . I don't know , don't have to keep packing up and putting down .

I think the more friction you can alleviate from your life , the more likely it is that you're going to do the things that you know you want to do , whether it's based on health goals or , in this instant , getting these podcast episodes out . So I know I'm going to deliver more quality content once I remove that stress . But let's dive into it .

So , becoming the man your wife desires . Relationship breakdowns destroy men , absolutely destroy men . The amount of men that I speak to and I have helped go from a breakdown in a relationship to an absolute breakthrough , you know , is in the hundreds , and I'm not even kidding there .

And what I have recognized and I've been very grateful to be able to implement this in my own life and my current relationship with my wife and I guess , looking at past experiences is where does it all go wrong ? Where do we go wrong and become undesirable to our partner ? And I think , first and foremost , it needs to start with us .

When the phrase comes out , be the man your wife desires , you may think well , I don't want to give up who I am as an individual and I would trust and I would assume that as a man , you would be clear on who you are and what you want from your life and based off of that , you're going to have a set of standards , values and beliefs .

Now , if you haven't done that , once again keep listening to the podcast , because that will be an episode that comes out , but we do have previous episodes or even join our academy . I will help you with that . But once you've got those values , attitudes and beliefs , you'll be able to understand what qualities expectations you want from a life partner .

That's the first and most important part . So for the rest of this episode . Let's just assume that you're in that position . So how do we maintain a position of being desirable to your partner ? So the first one I want to talk about is these personal standards and for me , this is what I focus on .

I'll give you a framework at the end to summarize it , so make sure you stay to the end to get that framework that once again you can go dot point by dot point and start answering that for yourself . It's exactly what I would do with someone that I'm working with .

But if you look at the personal standards when I first started dating my wife , when I look at things like my physical appearance , so my health overall , so once again I think we see happen and it happens on both sides of the fence . But I'm talking to you because I want you to take responsibility .

Your physical appearance are you once again in the best physical shape you can be to be desirable to your wife ? I understand at life we go through phases and you take more responsibility and life shifts , but that is no excuse to completely let yourself go .

You may not have six pack abs and be like you were in college or in high school , but you can still have a certain level of self respect to where you look after yourself .

And still , you know , I look at myself and I look at other people who are extremely fit and healthy , and I know that they have a certain level of self respect because they understand the personal benefits of being fit and healthy , but they also understand how it impacts other people .

Right , I'm inspired by people that I see that look good , and I love when my wife comments to me about how my physique is or how I'm looking , because it keeps me desirable . It works on both sides of the fence . I really appreciate that my wife looks after her health . Once again , as we get older .

There's things that you can't change , but I know she cares about how she looks and she does it for her own self esteem and self confidence , but it also makes our relationship stronger . So think about that . And another thing that I've only just really started prioritizing , and it's only really just clicked recently as I heard a story .

Well , the story was this A man and a woman you know had been married for about 25 years and this lady was starting to catch the eyes of other men . She'd always be like , wow , he looks nice , he looks nice . And she was always turning her head left and right and she was never looking at her husband until one night .

They decided to go for a date night and she'd been seated first .

Her husband was coming in a few minutes after running in from a meeting or whatnot , and she noticed that when he walked in , all these women were turning their head left and right , just checking him out , and it was in that moment that she realized that she'd been taking him for granted , taking his physical appearance for granted , and she realized what she had .

And so while it's , you know , we can look left and look right . It's like water . The grass is green and where you water it , appreciate what you've got , and you want to also appreciate yourself as well , because , once again , many of us , our self esteem diminishes because we aren't comfortable in our own skin .

So that first personal standard I would encourage you to have is your physical appearance . Take pride in your appearance . How you look , how you dress , how you smell , things that I've always been like , it doesn't matter , I'm just going to show up . That's what I was like .

And then , only recently , as I've watched these , especially in America , you know , there's so many people who dress so well and I'm like man I'm . He's a bloody sexy bastard , why ? Or the way he dressed , the pride , the detachment himself , and it makes me go . I wonder what he does . So think about that . That's something to consider .

The second personal standard that your wife will desire is support Right . So many of us , many men , believe that our way , our job , sorry is to provide financially , which , yes , I do believe you have a role to do that . But just because you're at work all day and providing financially does not mean you slack off at home .

Whether you've got children or you've got a wife who is also working at home , it's not her responsibility to look after all the household chores . Some couples never discuss what roles are in the relationship . There's assumptions , and the assumptions of what happened 10 , 20 , 30 years ago doesn't work . We have seen the divorce rates .

So if we see something that's broken , we need to start asking questions to understand how we can fix that . And what I've seen is as a man and how I work in our relationship is my wife is ambitious and I support her in her career . That's why we have moved overseas right , but she's supported me in so many ways as well .

So as much as I'm out working , you know , eight to 12 hours a day and she's doing her thing . I'll still come home , I'll cook , I'll clean and one's going to be take turns in all of this .

But we share responsibilities because I want to support her and I understand that if she's constantly doing these mundane tasks she's not going to be inspired , she's not going to , you know , feel valued , she's not going to feel heard .

And when your wife doesn't feel valued or doesn't feel heard or appreciated , good luck building a deeper love , a deeper relationship . You want to become desirable bull . So little pause there , my tongue got caught . But if you want to remain desirable , constantly be bettering yourself daily . And it's not about doing everything . So she has to do nothing .

There's standards and expectations , but don't just assume that things are gonna be done . Third one , from a personal standard point , is having purpose . When I was working for someone , I was earning an hourly wage , I was getting told what to do and I was very unhappy . Now some people lack that way of living .

I love having the security of knowing what they're getting paid . I love not having to think about what they're doing . But that didn't work for me and when I didn't have purpose , when I didn't have certainty in my life , who I was as an individual was a bit flaky right , I was a bit all over the shot .

So the moment that I recognized a few things and I got clear on what I valued and what I value most and I've spoken about this a number of times and once again , we help men get clear on this in our academy .

You know strong men of value but I got clear that I wanted to always have connection in my life , connection being people around me who make me feel valued , make me feel heard and appreciated , but also challenge me to hold my standards and be better and actually enjoy life . That's what the connection that I want . So it's not always so much fixated on people .

People come and go , but once in work hard on those relationships . The second is health , and when I look at health I mean mental , physical , emotional , spiritual . I'm always wanting to be around people who are like that and also having time allocated in my life to do that , all right .

So because of that purpose , it's like every day I know what I'm doing and I believe that you will be much more desirable to your wife if you've got purpose , if you stand for something , if you get up and she knows she's like that's my man , that's what he's doing today , as opposed to a dude who's just sort of going through the motions .

So think about how you can find your purpose , and I'm not saying you need to start a business . To me , finding purpose is very simple what do you want , what do you want your life to look like ? And then you start creating a bit of a checklist .

So , simply put , when I was transitioning from being a carpenter working for someone into a business , I tried a number of different careers and within all of those careers I learned specific skills . I learned what I did like , what I didn't like , and I just kept moving along until I started understanding myself a lot more .

Because , once again , I know we said at the beginning of this we'll assume that you know what you want and what your life's like , but most people don't know that . Okay , so make sure you tune into a lot more of the content here .

So those personal standards where your physical appearance make sure you're supporting , and that's just not financially , it's emotionally , it's chores around the head . You know just things that make your partner or wife feel appreciated and valued . The second one is communication . This one is huge . We talk every day , but do we really communicate ?

What that means to me is are we listening , are we understanding and are we making people feel valued and empowered ? Many of us are listening only to rebut or only to add on , rather than letting the conversation go where it goes . And that's what I've learned from doing all these podcasts is .

I used to always be like this is the point I want to say , and I would just not listen to whatever else or the direction of the conversation was going . I wouldn't go with the flow and I'd just bring it back a few notches .

What I've now learned is yes , you may have some value to add to that point in the conversation , but if the individual that you're talking to , if your wife's still going , just let the conversation go . Allow her to feel heard .

There's nothing more desirable to a lady than a man who makes them feel valued and heard and doesn't feel like they need to fix it all the time . So a great book that you can read by Gary Chapman , five love languages .

And when I was first dating Amy , I would get home , I reckon , at least once a month and there would be a package on the bench like a gift and I was like man , she loves giving me gifts Like this is nice .

I don't personally love getting gifts , but I appreciate the thought and it wasn't until I read the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that I understood where it was coming from . Her love language , what makes her feel valued , appreciated and loved , is gifts .

And from that moment I was like , wow , she's been showering me in love in the way that she loves to receive love For me . I love quality time . I love physical touch , as I think a lot of blokes do . But it was interesting to be able to read that and I was able to then share that to my wife .

So I became more desirable because I was like her love language is gifts . Let's make sure that I put it in my calendar every sporadically to give her a gift , to let her know that I do value and I do appreciate her . Once again , that's a huge one .

Another point on that communication is your emotional control , and we were talking about this in the academy a few weeks ago and I recommended a tool that I knew guys can Google it now is the wheel of emotions , so understanding what or where the emotions are coming from , what's really going on , because the more away you become of your emotions , then you can

start understanding what the triggers are , you can understand what you need to do to manage it and what you need to do to get the outcome that you want when you're in those emotional states .

Because , as a really good quote that I heard From a podcast maybe , where I say , when your emotions are high , your intellect is low , and I was like , right , so I need to manage my intellect to be able to really navigate situations in the for the best possible outcome .

So consider that , with the emotional control , check out the Will of emotions definitely a great resource . And then the final thing , from a communication standpoint , direction and certainty . It's so important to know what you and your wife are creating together .

Most people get in a relationship and they never start understanding and learning more about what your partner values . You just assume , right , you don't understand boundaries or expectations . You may not Set goals together . You may just assume that , hey , we're going to go to school , build a family and that's life . But what do you want to experience ?

What do you want to see ? What places do you want to visit ? What foods do you want to try ? What businesses do you want to build ? Start thinking about that , because when you've got certainty , you can start making decisions .

And a man who is in a place where he's making decisions quickly and he knows what he wants and he's able to lead Once again allows your wife to feel more secure .

She feels like you're taking care of her and it's not because she needs taking care of she doesn't , but it's because she wants to feel secure allows her to feel like she's allowed to let her guard down a little bit . So that's something to think about building a life together .

So , just from those communication pieces , go read the book the five love languages , check out the will of emotion to start understanding your emotions a bit , a bit better , and then start talking about what you guys want to communicate so you can be more direct and create more certainty in making those things happen .

Because when you're trying to achieve something , you go , hey , don't remember , this is what we're working towards . So we need to tighten the budget a little bit here . We need to make sure we stand at this night because we've got this goal . Tomorrow I will to lead .

So the framework that I would recommend going through and grab a pen , grab a paper for this one and you can write this down and think about it in your own time . Number one know who you are and what you want . Number one , point a know what your wife wants , and this is both from life for both you , but also from love right .

So , individually and collectively . The second thing is get clear on what the best version of yourself looks like . In order to make that a reality , I have had a number of reality checks over the year I it's not about not liking who you are not feeling good enough .

It's understanding that who you are now is not going to be the version of yourself that you will be . In order to get those outcomes otherwise you already have it you need to challenge who you are , because you're gonna have to think differently , you're gonna have to act differently . You're gonna have to behave differently .

It's not about doing things that are incongruent , though they should still feel like they're a part of you . They're just a better part , and you know I've had to learn more about health to make sure that I can have the energy and vitality to keep up with all the things I'm doing in my life and to bring the energy to the relationship .

I've had to learn a bucket load about money and about creating wealth and time , freedom , investing all those things I spent a lot of time learning about . I spent over a hundred thousand dollars . I've lost almost a hundred thousand dollars this year In lessons . I call it a lesson . So Through all of that , you got to

do those things . If it aligns to where you want to go and what you're trying to create with your wife , I've become more desirable because I know who I am as a man . I know what I want and I know what I'm creating for myself and I know what my wife and I are creating together . She loves the fact that I go after what I know we need to do .

I make sacrifices , I make decisions . It allows her to feel safe and secure to pursue what she wants to pursue . I've had to understand . I need to get better at communication . I've had vocal coaches . I constantly am writing to understand my thoughts more so I can articulate how I think and how I feel , because many men don't ever do that and they go .

I just can't articulate how I feel . It's like okay , and then are you going to allow that to be a reason why you don't ever learn , that you don't allow your relationship or your wife to understand you , or are you going to do something about it ?

Learn to articulate what you want , and once again , we can teach you that in the academy , and then same with friends , I've had to get clear on who I want to surround myself with . That's been hugely important , so that's something to consider as well . Now , number three I was just giving you some dot points there .

What do you need to make time for If you aren't making time for the things that are going to make your wife desire you ? So once again , health , a lot of bloke sacrifice that I don't have time . It's busy at work , all right . Well , your wife's probably not going to hang around if you continue to maintain that Work , relationships , time with buddies .

What do you need to make time for ? Start doing that now . People say I will when I will , when the goalposts always move . If you don't start allocating time now , it's going to be so much harder sorry to fit that time in . I've been guilty of that for such a long time . So just make time . It's like I schedule these podcasts every week . Schedule training .

We had a date night last night . I checked this out last night . So my wife loves true crime and I'd imagine a lot of you dudes your wife's love true crime or those ghost stories on YouTube . Anyway , we were looking for a date night idea last night and we were going to hit the comedy bar . Unfortunately we sold out .

So then we're like all right , what else can we do ? We want to do something a bit different . We Google and found a jazz bar Same thing , all booked out and I'm like , oh my goodness , what else can we do ? There's always something happening in Nashville . Anyway , amy found this ghost tour that left from the state Capitol building .

I'm not look , I listen to it , but I'm not into all that sort of stuff so much . But wow , what an experience . Like such a unique date night .

It started at 9pm so we almost passed my bedtime , but we had a tour around Nashville for almost two hours seeing all these incredible landmarks and hearing the haunting stories , but also a bit of the history around the Civil War and all of that sort of stuff . So it was a great once again thing for us to build our relationship .

It become more desirable because I'm making her feel valued . I'm making her feel you know , loved and appreciated by doing something that she really wanted to do . And the fourth point and last point , I'll recap this framework in a second what do you need to believe about yourself , or what do you so ?

What do you believe about yourself and what do you need to believe about yourself ? This is where we start looking at identifying limiting beliefs , challenging and then changing those beliefs so that you can achieve the outcomes that you want from your life .

So recap , number one know who you are and what you want to know what you want from your life , both personally and professionally , and so , for your wife , get clear on what the best version of yourself is . You know , health , wealth , relationships , etc . Thirdly , what do you need to make time for ? Time management is key .

And fourth , what do you believe about yourself and need to believe ? This is where we start shifting your beliefs , because what you believe will impact how you think , act and behave . So , gents , those are what I believe will allow you to become more of a man that your wife desires . It's not about neglecting those things .

So your physical appearance , supporting , having purpose , understanding , the communication things of your emotions , the love languages , and there's so much more we can dive into and obviously I don't want to spend a whole heap on it today , but keep coming back . Make sure you hit follow , because I'm going to be doing so .

A lot more specific episodes around relationships , around health that are going to give you tools and frameworks that you can literally listen to , write them down and then just take some time to think about it and write some answers and really start understanding more of this for yourself . Thank you for tuning in .

If you got value , make sure you leave a rating and review on whichever platform you're listening on . Those rating and reviews help me get bigger and better guests on which I can learn from and share knowledge with you guys , but also have you guys listen in to the episodes as well . My name is Alfon Stewart . Thanks for tuning in .