Setting Financial Boundaries: An Unspoken Truth in the Latina Community

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Hello , hello , and it is now season six of Mommy on the Mission podcast , and I just want to say thank you so much , everybody , for tuning in . I know it's been about what ?

Three weeks now since we've had any episodes , but I'm glad that you have been able to listen to past episodes , because I do notice that , for those of you who are new , my name is Mariana and I am the host of Mommy on a Mission podcast and listen y'all . I am very excited for the next guest , or for my new guest that I have on today .

We are going to be talking about some things that have been asked about this . In a section of my book , I talk a little bit about this particular subject matter , but it's about financial independence , especially with the Latina community , and we're also going to talk a little bit about financial abuse .

So and I'm bringing this topic up because , like I said , I've had messages sent to me about this particular question although I am a certified financial coach , I just don't . That was not my strong area when I got certified , but I did decide to open , to open this up for someone who is . So I am going to introduce to y'all Anna Romero Morales .

She is the founder of Brewing the Nettle , which helps first generation and mixed status families eliminate financial stress and gain confidence . She is a bilingual psychologist , researcher and financial educator with a PhD , a counseling psychology , from the University of California , santa Barbara .

Her services include one-on-one coaching and facilitating workshops that center on the financial experiences of undocumented or DACA recipients and first generation students . She is also a pediatric psychologist and enjoys cafecito , wombias and traveling . Okay , that sounds like my girl right there . Anna , thank you so much for being on the show with me today .

So I know that I gave an introduction , but listen , we want to know just a little bit more about Anna .

I'm also first generation college students and graduate student and I feel like every educational system is pretty much maneuvered on my own .

But I love counseling because I think it's a place where I've been able to meet so many people from different walks of life and to sort of sit with people in the most joyous times of their life and also the most difficult .

And I think , now that I've ventured into financial education , I've learned that psychology is still very much a part of it , like how we manage our finances , how we relate to money , what we learned about money which comes from our families , our community , from a very young age . Right , psychology plays a role in all of that .

So that's why I created Burundi Nettle , not only for providing , you know , education and information on finances for you know , the communities that I'm a part of , but also to help people make change , because change is really hard for all of us , especially when it comes to our money . But yeah , I really love the work I do .

You know , high school to learn a little , to learn about what it is to have credit . Why do we have credit ? Student loans should I get student loans ? What are other alternatives to that ? And I think a lot of students graduate high school getting into debt , like , the system is set up already for high schoolers to get into debt . Why ?

Because they're already starting to get credit cards , like invitations in the mail , and for an 18 year old who's about to go out and venture on their own , that can be very exciting , right ? Because now they have a sense of oh , I've got a credit card .

You know , I feel grown up , but then they don't have a clue as to what to do with a credit card , or let alone when they do have a job . You know , and a lot of times it's not just because of the . You know that it's not taught in school , but I think , even so , for the household to , maybe it just depends on .

You know how we grew up , what the belief system was for someone in the household . And just a quick example I remember me growing up . My grandparents didn't believe in the bank system . They didn't have trust in it . Especially when you're Mexican and you have this mindset that you can't really trust too many institutions , right ?

And so I remember as a kid I would watch my grandparents save their money and they would either hide it in the closet , hide it under the mattress and but not even thinking if there were ever a fire . That goes their whole life savings right there , because they didn't have any education in the banking systems or any of that , right .

And so we grow up with that mentality of this is how you save money . But I wanted to talk a little bit more because I am , like I said , I am a Latina , I'm also Mexican American and , like I mentioned , this is how I grew up thinking .

But on the flip side of that , because I'm a Hispanic , the culture also played a role in that , because my dad was the primary breadwinner and my mom was the one who took care of the finances .

So when my dad passed away , when I was 10 years old , my mom was 29 and had no way of understanding or knowing how to go pay a bill , how to write a check , or and I had to translate for her right , and so that was really hard , especially for Latinas that are coming in and their husbands are the ones that take over , and so I wanted to talk about ,

in your experience , what are some of the unique challenges or cultural factors that Latina women may face when striving for financial independence .

Right , when fathers or males in the family are the primary breadwinners and they're the ones who are managing the money right , often there is this imbalance of power in the sense of like , yes , like your mom , like a lot of women are , like their partners pass away , they leave , something happens , and now one , do they even have the account numbers , how to get

into the account , how to access money , whether there even is any money ?

And so we often find that in events where partners pass away or they leave you know , divorce , separation , however you want to call it like women are often more at risk of ending up in poverty because they either didn't have access to this information , right the finances within their family , or maybe they weren't working , they didn't have their own money , and so

now they're put in a very sticky situation , especially when you have kids and you have to care for someone else other than yourself .

But I think there's also this fine balance of Culturally right it's that commonality of men are the breadwinners and so they must be in charge of finances and then which is fine , like if someone chooses to have their household in that structural manner .

I still encourage especially women like , yes , that might be true , but you should also have some education , some of your own money right that you can spend , where you don't have to wait on your husband to ask for money for things that you need to do to manage the day to day . And also there's the flip side of that , where it's cultural .

But then there are some relationships where I have seen that where I'm like , well , this is past culture and now is becoming a source of power over the other spouse where we are concerned of . Is this abuse in some way ? So sometimes it's really hard when we say , well , it's just culture , I'm like , yes , there's some of that , but where do we start worrying ?

Where that line is being blurred . We're like , well , no , now it's becoming more of a financial abuse situation where the woman feels like , if I wanted to access my family's money and do something with it , can they ?

And so I think that's always a question I ask women like sure , your family dynamic is your own to create , but we want to have some safeguards also in place .

I think , culturally , that's the setup , that's the mentality , especially when you're someone who comes from Latin American countries or Central America countries , where that's the mindset culturally is that the man is the head of the household , obviously , but it's almost like the person who's in charge of the money is the one that makes all the decisions right .

But because of that , how can Latina women empower themselves financially while still respecting their cultural values and responsibility within their families ?

She had access to my dad's . They each had their own accounts and they had a combined account for household things . So when my mom wanted to , she'd be like , ok , let's go grab lunch together and take me and my sisters with her . So that's one way where you both work .

Maybe one of you makes much more significant money , but still you create a balance where you're both aware of money coming in , going out , being involved in seeing what the bills are , right , and so that's one way . Other people who maybe are stay-at-home parents , same thing .

Maybe they aren't making any money , but that still doesn't mean you don't have the right to know how much is my husband making ? Are we paying our bills , paying off debt , whatever it is , and maybe have their spouse give them some money so that they just have some with them , so that they don't have to feel obligated to always ask permission .

Yeah , so it can definitely look different from each family , but I think there are ways to ensure that there's some equitableness happening between partners .

And I think it's important that we , as women , should partner in that . And I'm going to be honest with you because sometimes I think , because when I was a single mom , I was always over the finances . I had to pay the bills , I had to buy the groceries , pay the rent , all of the things .

And I think , when it got to the point where and mind you , finances was not my strongest suit , and when I got married to my now husband and although we both have business degrees I have a business degree , he's got international business , but heavy on the finances and stuff , and because he enjoys men that's not one area I don't care for we made the decision

that he would be the one that would handle the finances , and when I say that I don't mean that I would know anything about it , but he would be the one responsible for paying the bills and stuff , while I took care of everything else .

However , with the knowledge and with the understanding of what was coming in , what was going out and I'm one of those that we have a shared account where that's where all the bills get paid , but we also have our own little separate accounts , which is that's our own spending money . So if I want to get my bills done . I don't have to ask him .

I'll go get my bills done If I want to go out to a movie or anything . But I had to learn that because that's not how I grew up . But I learned that also because of my second marriage . You know , in my second marriage it was a completely different thing and we'll talk a little bit more about that in a little bit .

But what would you say , or what are some practical steps and strategies that Latino women can take to achieve financial independence , regardless of their current financial situation ?

You could have all the money in the world and still worry about finances and so I tell people that financial independence is more , at least for me , to feel like you're in the place where you can breathe easy , right , where the financial stress of whatever is in your life isn't drowning you .

And sometimes I think education is the way to start and that is how you're building understanding your challenges . Not knowing how a system works , especially a financial system works , can leave you very paralyzed , like I remember when I got a letter from a billing's department saying they had sent me two collections .

I and it was like six o'clock at night when I had finally gone through the mail and I remember like not sleeping that entire night because I was , because I just remember hearing like you never want to be sent to collections , like it's the worst thing that can happen to you , and I didn't sleep all night and I woke up the next morning and I called and I ,

you know , did all my research and it had been a mistake . Someone accidentally sent it . They just , I guess , never recorded that I made my payment , and so after that I did a lot more research on how collections works , how does that impact your credit score , and now I'm like if that were to happen , I'd be a little stressed .

But I think , because I know how the system works , it's not gonna land me , you know , spirally worrying about all the things that are gonna happen because of this collection notice . So I think education is powerful in helping you at least manage the stress Cause .

Now you know like , okay , this happened , I don't like it , I have all this debt , whatever it is , but I know how the system works and I can make steps towards making that change . So I think education is a really big one .

And then after that is really kind of this mindset of believing in yourself that you have the skills , like , sure , maybe I don't like Matthew there , it was not my favorite subject but you learn how to maneuver things right .

You start building this belief like I am a self-sufficient adult who's learning how to manage my money , and so I think those are practical things , like just educating yourself about the system and really helping yourself realize like you know you got this .

And I think that's really hard , especially if you come from a , you know , intimate partner violence or you grew up in a family where you were taught or told that like women don't know anything about finances and you just need to leave it to the man to do it Like when you start hearing that at a young age that's hard to break through as you get into

becoming an adult .

And I laugh a little because I a lot of times when I see clients and it doesn't even have to be Hispanic clients , it can even be clients that are here , that are white , that are black , it doesn't matter who they are , but when they don't know and they don't know , and then they get a bill , you know from collections , or when they get something , I mean

the thought process immediately is they loosely , they're stressed out , but in this , all here , especially from those that come into our country who don't understand the steps that it takes , right before anything , but they're like oh my God , does this mean , if I don't , am I gonna go to jail you ?

know like that is the first thought , like the thought is am I gonna go to jail ? Am I gonna go to you know , whatever because I didn't pay this bill , especially when it comes to , like , medical bills .

When it comes to medical bills , oh my gosh , I mean it's a different the reaction that I've seen or I get , and I'm like , don't worry , you know there are solutions to all of these . There's steps and there's processes . Will you go to jail unless you committed fraud ? No , but can it go to court ?

Absolutely , it can go to court , and then a financial arrangement is made , but it's more of a civil matter as opposed to a criminal matter .

But the fear that comes into the mindset and so , yeah , I mean I really do believe that financial education and I mentioned that in the beginning too you know how it's important , not just for those that are in high school , but even anyone who comes into our country , to understand the process of how things work , because oftentimes , you know , people don't know

that they have rights right , and that they can . They can come into this country and when they work the steps , you know they can take all the necessary measures and they can be homeowners , like there are goals that they can still accomplish as they're getting themselves prepared to live here in the United States , you know , in the correct manner , right and so ?

So , yeah , so , ladies don't be afraid , and there's so many financial coaches around , you know , that are providing this information . So , yes , there are resources out there and there are , you know , educational literacy that's out there too .

But at this point I want to kind of shift our focus just a little , because you brought up something and it was , you know , the financial abuse . You know recognizing or knowing that when it's cultural to now , it's wait a minute this , this looks more like financial abuse .

What are some warning signs or red flags that someone might be experiencing financial abuse in a relationship ?

Maybe you know they're gambling away what you've earned or what they have earned right , your family's money . They're gambling in a way , maybe monitoring how much you spend , or even making it so that you don't even have access to the bank accounts .

Right , if you want money , you have to ask them for money , being lied to about how much money is even available , or even just trying to keep you from learning about finances . Right , that educational part which we know education can be really powerful , but if your partner is limiting that , it's hard for you to have that access .

Sometimes it's keeping keeping you from getting a job . Right , if your partner's like no , I don't want you to work , I want you to stay at home . Right , not having a job limits your ability to have your own finances , but also it limits you in the sense where you're you become isolated , right ?

Financial abuse tends to seep into all the other areas of abuse where now you don't have a job , you don't have money , you're not around other people , you're isolated all the time . Or maybe you do have a job but your partner maybe does things that jeopardizes , you know , your ability to do well in your job or keep your job .

Sometimes it could be as simple as like I think I remember one time I had heard from someone that , like , their partner would not let them learn English . Right , they wanted to learn English to one day be able to get access to a job . And no , they're like , you don't need to learn English , you're just going to stay home with the kids .

So , even more so , another barrier of like oh , I can't learn a skill , I can't learn the language to help me have more access to resources . So those are kind of those things where , again , like I said , you can have a partner who you both decide . Yes , you make the money , but I still have access to all these things .

But if you don't have any access to those things , it makes it really hard for one for you to leave if you wanted to . Right , it's hard to leave when the person you're with is on that controls all the money and when you have children right . You think about them and the money that it takes to take care of them and their well-being right .

It keeps you even more you know with that person .

So usually a lot of like shelters or a lot of like I used to work for a mental health agency who had , who ran groups for women who were survivors of domestic abuse were through those connections , right that can give you access to Like I know United Way is one of them like you know different agencies that just give resource , financial education , resources that

you can also access as a way to start building that knowledge . So it can vary , like sometimes I heard even from banks . Banks will have you know you can go to a bank wherever you hold your checking or savings account . Where you get they can sit with you and talk through like let's look at your budget , how can we help you .

But I also recognize that it might be hard to access all those things if someone is controlling your movements . So it's really about seeing what's in your community and even it could be a friend , right . It could be someone at church , it can be right .

You never know what education other people have and that sometimes is a much easier way of getting hold of that information .

financial abuse and you did bring up some really great examples of what that could look like .

But yeah , you're right , I know that for here in the state of Texas and , like I said , financial coaching was not my strong suit but because I was working as an employment coach , I did have to visit finances from , you know time to time , and only because , whenever they were looking for employment , it's like how much money do you need to be earning in order

to survive ? Just to survive , right . And we had to talk about finances and stuff because a budget needed to be created , because a lot of times women don't have that budget , especially if they are in a situation where they're experiencing financial abuse . They don't have an idea of how to create a budget because they don't know how much money is coming in .

And so one of the things that I've learned is that there are programs .

I know here in Texas there are programs that do provide some sort of I guess it's like a $100 or $200 for any woman who is experiencing abuse and financial abuse as well that they can start with like $100 that they will give them so that they can at least learn how to work through that , and then , when they do leave an abusive relationship , there are

programs out there that can help them with those things as well . I can't I don't know if it's called victims compensation I'm not sure exactly the term that's being used , but you're absolutely right , United Way and I think 211 is a national number , so they can call any 211 number . Is that the number for you all in California , 211 for United Way .

Do you know I ?

We talked about financial education playing a crucial role with Latina women , you know , to take control of their lives . What other advice or suggestions could you give to women to further help them ?

I mean , I know you gave a lot of information , but what advice would you say for them at least to get started , to think about their financial independence and then also to think about what they can do if they're limited with funds , what they can do to start preparing if they , let's say , for instance , wanted to leave that abusive relationship .

What is something that they can do to get started ?

So , even though you may not have access to finances , right , being connected or knowing who's in your community that you could reach out to in should an event come where you want to leave , where you have access to , that I think is one right community can be a really it is an important aspect of our social lives , our mental health , so that would be one .

It's just in who's in your community that could be a source of aid to you and , I think , within your own network , trying to see if there are ways for you to understand where the finances of your family are in a way that keeps you safe .

Right , because we never want to encourage someone to just bulldoze and go in and just ask a lot of questions if you're in a relationship where that is a dangerous thing to do . So , depending on your each one situation of figuring out , ok , what do I know about my , of our family's , financial situation , what would I need ?

So maybe you don't have the money to create a budget , but you can't create a budget and figure out OK , how much is needed for my bare bones expenses , right , things I needed to make it through this month . If I have children , what do they need ?

Right , and really be honest with yourself , of like , because I know we want to give our children anything and everything . But sometimes , when you're in a very dire financial situation , there are things where you just have to cut right Food , shelter , the basic necessities . We have to think of that way of like .

Let's make a hypothetical budget with myself , with my child and to help people , because sometimes I think when people think of budgets and they think of leaving someone who controls all their money , it's so overwhelming you start to think like there is no way I can survive on my own without this person .

But really , if you really look down to it and look at the numbers , then maybe you come to realize like , oh no , I think I could make it . I probably would need some help and some support along the way , but maybe it isn't as scary right . So that facing that numbers part , that can be a huge big step towards that .

If you know of someone that can benefit from the information that you've heard today , please share this information . So , Anna , if someone were to wanting to get connected with you , if they wanted to reach out and ask you further questions or maybe even get started with the finance aspect , how can someone get in contact with you ?

I usually get back to people within 24 hours if they have any questions or if I don't provide the service , I can try to connect them to someone else . And then I was going to say I know there is this organization called One Love . I don't know if they necessarily do the financial situation abuse part , but you can always text them .

If you text , love is to 22522 , just to text Right , because I know Texas is a whole new world now . I mean , we have way more avenues to try to connect to people . If you have access to your own phone , you can text someone and start asking questions like how can I get help in terms of accessing financial support Because I am in this abusive relationship ?

They might be a great avenue to access other resources , especially in the local area .

And so again , everyone , if you heard anything that I think resonated with you or you'd like to learn more information , I will have Anna's information in the show notes so that you can reach out to her and hopefully we can have her on again as a guest , once again on the Mommy on a Mission podcast . So until next Wednesday , we will see you soon .

If you are hearing this message , you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say me gracias from the bottom of my heart . If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect with me , send a DM on Instagram at olamommyonamission , or Facebook at Mommyonamission . You can also find me at mommyonamissioncom .

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