Hello , hello and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast , where empowerment meets inspiration . I'm your host , Mariana , a life coach and author , on a mission to help Latina women , and all women , to reach their impossible goals , one dream at a time .
Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift , motivate and ignite your passion . Get ready to be inspired , empowered and never give up on your dreams . This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions . Are you ready ? Let's go . Ready , let's go .
Hello , hello and welcome to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast . I'm your host , Mariana , and this is the podcast that empowers women to reach their impossible goals , one dream at a time . And today y'all .
It's been such a crazy month already , Like I don't feel I have fully , fully rested , because last week I was in Phoenix , Arizona , at a conference the Book Publishing Academy Summit and while I was there I got to meet one of my colleagues who is on the spectrum of autism and she's written two children's book and I'm looking forward to interviewing her .
But in honor of Autism Awareness Month , I am excited to have two of my guests that are coming on today that are going to talk a little bit about their journeys , what they've encountered and the things that they've had to face with their own children . And so welcome , Veronica and Jennifer . I'm glad you're with me today . How are y'all Good ?
Thanks for having us . Thank you , You're welcome . So let's start with Veronica . Veronica , introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about who you are what you do .
I'm Veronica Terry , and I actually am a third grade teacher and I've been teaching for 22 years , so I've always worked with kids . And then I have two children . I have one that's 13 and I have another son that's going to be 11 and he's autistic .
I'm learning about this , this new way of life that we've , we're blessed to , to be a part of , and I'm learning just different things about the community , and so I'm glad to be here on your show , and Mariana is actually my cousin , so thank you for having me on .
You're welcome . You're welcome , Jennifer . Tell me a little bit about you .
I also have two boys , and one is almost 21 and my youngest is 10 and he has autism . Like she said , every day is a journey . It's a new way of life .
Different phases in my son's life changes those circumstances on a daily basis and we , you know , just try to do the best we can by research , experience , being involved with the community , being involved with the school .
Well , welcome both of you .
As I mentioned , I'm just , you know , I wanted to do this segment because , number one , it is April , the month of autism awareness , and also I just feel like there's just not enough out there yet really promoting families that are in this journey of autism Me being a grandmother of a grandbaby who is autistic , who's nonverbal at this point , and even as a
grandma , I've had my own set of challenges , whenever my grandson comes to visit me and stuff , whenever my grandson comes to visit me and stuff . But I wanted to talk to you all about some of the challenges that you all have faced .
And so , jennifer , I'll start with you , because I know that you're not only a working mom , but you're also a single parent , a single parent household , and , as a single parent navigating the education system for your child with autism , what unique challenges have you encountered or did you encounter it ?
varies . For the most part , the district that we're in is very supportive . However , this year's been a struggle . It's been a challenge . I'm constantly needing to be my son's voice so that he has the proper accommodations needed . If I wasn't a voice , it concerns me that you know for other children . How are they accommodating other children ?
Some children will go to school and what's called mass , where they're just trying to get through the day and be as perfect as possible trying to get through the day and be as perfect as possible . Yet they're struggling greatly inside . That tends to be the biggest struggle I have right now with the school district .
Some teachers don't really know what to look for . They are unaware , they're not trained to look for those type of things and then will perceive it as bad behavior or they just kind of ignore it . So I am very proactive with the school district and involving myself as much as possible and being at the school and being Jace's voice .
And Veronica for yourself , you are an educator . So what challenges have you faced being an educator and then having a child , with being on the spectrum and then having to deal and approach that situation . What has it been like for you , and has it been an eye opener even for you as an educator ?
I remember when I had a student that was he was severely autistic , but I didn't know much about it and you know , thankfully , his parent was very , you know , very diligent and very much involved . So I really learned a lot from the parent and it made me very aware of what I needed to do in the classroom to accommodate him .
Because you know , like Jennifer said , that you know we're not trained going into it . You know that's not like a course you take . You know , as you're getting your teaching degree and with so much inclusion in the classroom , we need to be , you know , in a partnership with the other .
You know specialized education , you know that deals with the kids and that know the ABA . You know types of , you know strategies that go into , you know handling students with this who are on the spectrum , this who are on the spectrum .
So it was very interesting when my son was , you know , in the district and he wasn't getting his needs met and but I was very busy with you know teaching is very demanding and you're not only dealing with just those students but you're dealing with other needs of other kids and so I had to .
You know I was kind of being pulled both ways and I know the educator side . And then I had to be the parent , the advocate for him . And so there were there were a little more , it was a little more uncomfortable meetings .
You know that I attended because I kind of knew both sides of it and I knew when I had to step in and say no , you know , I know that these things can be met and you know so . They knew that in me as well , so I had to .
But I eventually pulled him from the district because he was being switched around six times and no one could pinpoint how to help him . I mean everybody you know , I even went . I mean , it's not like I was a lack of trying , but I'm like , I'm trying to make this work .
I have to work , he has to be in school , but we're being called to come pick him up uh up , because he was having aggressive behaviors in the class . And you know I said what if I didn't have my mother to pick him up ? Or you know I said this is not right .
And so we eventually pulled him because , and where he's at , he's in a private school that deals with the behavior . They have the staffing , they have the properly trained staff to handle it and the correct environment for him , and he's doing so much better . But we also had to get in contact with a neurologist to put him on the proper medication as well .
So you know he's doing well , but you know we're not just taking it lightly , because we know that things can change . He's growing his hormones , you know . Everything plays a part , you know , and so you can't be complacent , you have to , you know . Know that there's different phases of it .
It is hard to be on the educator side and then to also personally deal with your own child .
Wow , absolutely , and I can see that being a big challenge , because not only are you just , not only are you the parent , but also an educator , and it's like you're almost like fighting the situation as well . Right that with your son , you had to battle , like the differences of the schools and finding the right solution or the right school for your son .
Is that correct ?
Yes , this year has been a challenge because they changed the grade levels and put fourth grader into a new school that's considered middle school . Right , kids on the spectrum have a hard time with transition .
It was a lot of new things , so I felt like I had to start all over with my battle of advocating for him , because new school , new committee they didn't know anything about my child and , like Veronica said , at certain ages they go through different phases where you may see them thriving in therapy and doing well and taking steps forward .
You throw a wrench in their schedule or their hormones or whatever it could be . Then we take steps backwards and so you have to go back and fight again . I feel like I'm fighting , more so this year than I ever have , and I too thought of pulling in .
But as a single parent working full time , I just I'm trying really hard to count on the school system to meet Chase's needs and be there .
Yeah , yeah , talk to me a little bit and either one of y'all can answer this question , or both . Actually , what was that like for both of you all ? When was that moment that you all discovered , or that you realized , that there's something different about my child Like I don't know what it is , but I need to find out ?
And then , what was that experience like for both of you ?
It's difficult because you know everybody has this expectation . Like you said , you know your child's going to be normal and you know you expect them to just do the regular things . You know the milestones's going to be normal and you know you expect them to just do this , the regular things . You know the milestones , the walking , the talking , the potty training .
And my child was in potty training like he kept having accidents and did not wish to to go on the toilet and you know he still battles with that . You know he's gotten better in public . You know to go to the restroom but you know more it's at home where he's more comfortable in his environment .
You know , and he wasn't talking very well , I would go pick him up from daycare and he was in the three-year-old room and I could hear all these kids talking and playing and he was isolated and not really interacting , you know , verbally . And then we took him to the dentist and he just flipped out .
You know we were just going to get a teeth cleaning and the dentist really looked at him and said is he on , is he diagnosed with autism ? And I , and I just was shocked , you know , cause you don't want to accept that . Um , so you're kind of like in denial in a way , and you know you have to do what's best for your child .
Whatever you know you're , you can't go by your emotions . And so , um , that's when we took the steps to getting him evaluated and really took it seriously , like let's just , let's get him the help , and I felt like we waited a little too long because we had to come to terms with it . But you know , the sooner the better .
Don't wait , because the younger they are to get the ABA therapy , the better .
And Jennifer , what about you ? I mean , what was that experience ? Like you know ? When did you come to that realization ?
I started to notice early on , when Jace was about two . I mean , I felt like when he was in the first year of his life I felt like something was just different , but I kept comparing his life . I felt like something was just different , but I kept comparing . Unfortunately , I would compare to what it was like with my older son and thought this is not .
He cried a lot and looking back I know why now he had a lot of sensory issues , but at the age of two he was not really formulating words and he walked really , really early , which we later found out from the neurologist and behavioral specialist . He didn't like the tactile on his hand , so he didn't like crawling .
He was constantly wanting to wash his hands . We couldn't go out public . He was constantly covering his ears . I just I knew something was wrong in my just . I knew something was wrong In my eyes . I thought something was wrong . Now I don't feel like this is going to sound kind of strange , but I don't think anything is wrong with my son .
I love him just the way he is , but I knew it pretty early and I started to be proactive and the doctors could tell too . So we waited , for it's a long wait , but so worth the wait If you can get a diagnosis early .
Like Veronica said , it opens up doors to speech therapy , occupational therapy , you know , whatever each child's different , whatever therapy that child may need , it opens up doors and , believe it or not , a lot of those things that the kiddos are dealing with can give them the right tools at a young age or try to help rewire some of the deficits in the brain .
And then also the school . They have a program that you can put your child in and they'll do an evaluation as well . There are options . If you can't get into it medically , at least go to the schools . They have evaluations and specialists there as well .
Yeah , I knew pretty early something was different and I wanted to be proactive and get him the help he needed . And honestly I needed the help too . I questioned my parenting a lot because I just didn't know what made his needs , because he couldn't express to me what was bothering him or why .
I know that that's a challenge , because I think you go through those different phases , right , like you're in a way , mourning right , because you're mourning the fact that you have a child that is going to be looked at differently and that's a challenge of its own and you go through those different emotional phases , like the sadness at first , and then you probably
have the anger and then acceptance , and then let's work on this and moving forward . I mean , I can only imagine that . That's probably right .
that is true , yeah yeah , you do go through different little waves of emotions .
You know I feel like I'm in one of those waves right now . I want so much for jace to be included and he's just struggling so much right now with um being on the spectrum . They they call it a spectrum because there's so many other things that can that can affect the child .
For my son , he has an additional OCD , severe OCD , anxiety , a little bit of ADHD , so it's presenting different struggles and I feel like I'm going through that wave all over again Like gosh . How did I miss it ? How I should have helped him sooner . What can I do or what did I ? You question yourself all the time . But I try to get over the sadness .
I keep getting choked up because just talking about it out loud , I guess , is reminding me what I , what it , what it is to go through it . But the best thing you can do is be proactive and just move on and find the right solution at the time .
And I know that with you , you know you've got a really strong support system . Got a really strong support system . You've got , you know , your mom , you've got your husband and you've got family around you that are there to help support you . But feelings do you have , even though you have all this support . What feelings do you actually have sometimes ?
Well , I mean , we have to kind of . You know , I never get a break , basically because I go to work and I'm dealing , I'm working with kids and and then I come home and I have , you know , I have to deal with what's going on , you know , for the evening . And what I find challenging is sometimes you feel stuck , I feel like I have to .
Really , you know , it depends on his mood , how he some things like if we go to church . He's gotten better at it , but he can be difficult just getting out of the house , and you know , church is not .
We give him breaks and I said if you could just , you know , wait 15 minutes and then you can have the phone and we take him to another part of the church , and so we're just , we have to kind of meet him halfway . And so we're just , we have to kind of meet them halfway .
And then just the planning of things , you know , because with my other son , you know he he's very involved with band and track and , and so I'm trying to be there for him and then also there for Liam , and you know my husband's a police officer , so it's it could be difficult and yeah , I'm just being pulled in many different directions and the sad thing is
you kind of lose sense of yourself and you really you can't think about yourself all the time , and that's the sad part , because you should take care of yourself , because you have to be there for all this . So that's the thing I'm struggling with is just maybe you know , okay , I have to breathe .
I can't be superwoman all the time and I'm trying to give myself grace and not be so hard on myself and just only control things that I can control . I can't control everything .
And for you , jen , and for you , it's even a lot more challenging because you're a single parent . Is there anyone that helps support you , that comes to your aid at times ? How do you do that ? How do you balance working , being a single mom and then , of course , trying to meet the needs for your child ?
I ask myself how I do it . I feel like when I leave work I'm going to my second job and , like Veronica said , I don't know . You know it depends on how his day went at school and the circumstances of how challenging it's going to be when I get home . My older son is still living at home , so that helps . I do rely on him a lot , however .
He works too , so I don't have . I feel pretty isolated . I don't have a lot of people that I can talk to or ask for help . It's tough .
It's a lonely it could be a lonely world , you feel . You know , and he doesn't have my son , doesn't have friends , you know he doesn't . You know , I have to really be careful who I have him around because they don't know , maybe , how to deal with certain things that he may say .
You know , because my son says inappropriate things and he thinks that he's being funny and you know it's like no , they don't know you that way . You know you can't say that , and so it's people react to him differently and it's hard . You know you can't say that , and so it's people react to him differently and it's hard , you know .
Yeah , are there any like support groups or mom groups or any places that moms who are in this situation ? Is there something like that for moms or for parents , that where you all as a community can come together and just be able to discuss how you're feeling and the struggles and then maybe kind of like share those stories together ?
I personally haven't found any like a group , a local group . I try to join as many support groups online as I possibly can , just to constantly be involved , and you learn so much from what other families are going through that you can utilize in your own home .
But I haven't found a local group and , to be honest , even if there was , I don't know when I would have time . That's the hard part and I can't really leave Jace for long . He gets anxiety .
Yeah , I feel the same way . There's no time I mean I'm exhausted , I can't imagine going some other place . There are lots of resources . Like the Gulf Coast , they have lots of resources . I mean it's overwhelming how many resources they have , but it's like finding the time to get in contact . I mean that's a whole other ball .
I mean you have to navigate through them , you have to find the right placement . They have to do their own evaluation . I mean , you know , at the beginning of the year , in November , right after Thanksgiving , we had Liam participate in the U of H Paralan campus .
They have a , you know , severe clinic where they help , you know , they pinpoint a certain behavior and they try to give you data like , okay , we're going . Ok , we're going to try this , we're going to try this . You know this tactic and it was pretty intense and I think I got sick from after that that week .
It was just so because he , he , they wanted to see those aggressive behaviors come out and it just it's a , it's a stress . They were wonderful though . I mean they were wonderful though . I mean they were like the . I mean I had my hats off to them .
They were so committed and they took all the hits and they showed you how to handle all that , but it took a toll on me . I , I mean it really did . I mean , it's it's it's pretty , it's pretty hectic . Yeah , it takes a , but you know I do want him to participate in that , but it's it's hard to decide when to do it .
You just want to keep the peace , you know I think both of y'all need to start a group , though , where the children can be involved together .
Like I don't care at a park or something , but because I really do feel like there is that need to share , scream and yell or whatever is necessary , but to know that you're not alone , right , because I know that we can have family around and I know that I've like been out with them . But sometimes you need someone away .
That's not a family member , that's someone that can really under truly understand what you , as a mother , is feeling and what you're going through and those emotions you know just having that . So I think that that is something that perhaps can come down , you know the pipeline of what to do next , because I think that's important .
Yeah , that's . I mean it's a good point because it doesn't . It really changes the dynamics of your family . I feel like you know they even recommend it , like we all do a family therapy . You know , because you know I know how it affects my oldest .
He can be very impatient with it and he's , you know , he's 13 and I'm not expecting him to be an expert , but you know you do have to deal with their emotional you know , how they're dealing with it and he feels like it's not fair . Why does he get away with it ? And I ? If I did that , you know I wouldn't be able to get away with it .
That's a very good point , veronica , because when my older son , who's 20 , I mean there's an age gap . There's a 10 year age gap between my two , but when , when my oldest was younger , I had wished there was some kind of support group for siblings , because it definitely takes a toll on them as well .
They don't get as much of your time as the other one , which requires a lot . It would be great if there was some kind of support system for siblings as well , because it does take a toll on them . I'm glad you brought that up .
Because it does take a toll on them . So I can truly see that there's really room for so much more growth out there in order to get everybody together and have that support , to be able to lean on one another .
So I definitely see that that in the pipeline , you know , and , who knows , maybe between the two of you , you y'all might decide , hey , we're going to go ahead and start something you know here .
So , jen , for you , you know , um , what advice for other single parents that are perhaps in a similar situation , as such as yourself , seeking support for their children with autism , um , what advice would you give them when it comes to the school system , and what things would you recommend they do ?
I would definitely recommend staying involved as much as possible . If that means going to the school all the time , don't hesitate , don't be shy about it , because this is your child and they can't speak up for themselves . And that's where your job comes in to find the support for them . Find the right therapies , find the right doctors .
If you don't like what one doctor is saying , find another , because it really makes a difference in finding the right support for your child , believe it or not , just the littlest things can make a huge difference in the children if you have the right tools , and I think in our case , occupational therapy has been a blessing in keeping the teachers aware .
I constantly am trying to spread awareness and being in touch with the teachers as much as possible .
Absolutely and for you , veronica . What changes or improvements would you like to see in the education system to better support children with autism and their families ?
You know , for my child , you know , I feel like sometimes what they have in place is not the best place for them and I know we want to include them in a regular setting , but it's , you know , I've seen so many kids who are in specialized classes . They go in the cafeteria and they're just like you , it's just , you know .
And it breaks my heart because my son was like that , I would . You know , he was at our , my school , the last school he was at in the district before he went to private , and he had his headphones and he was just , you know , like so intense because of the , the noises .
And you know , and I know , parents don't want their kids to be excluded , but you know , hey , your child is suffering because they have something that you know it's they . You know , don't force them to be like this kid and you know they're not . You know you have to accept them for who they are and do what's best for them .
And I feel like a lot of parents don't want to hear that . They want them to be normal . This is normal . Well , that's not their normal . And you know , I feel like I wish the public schools could have a facility for those types of needs , you know , and when the child is ready , okay , bring them back to the school campus .
But I really feel like I wish that Bunny was , you know , dedicated for that , because I feel like they need to have their own facility . They can't be around just . You know , just all the chaos , you know , and we , as a teacher , you don't have control over .
You know who comes in your class , you know , and we rely on the other teachers that push in , you know , to be our voice as well and how to communicate better with those parents . But I feel like that's the struggle I've seen is , you know , we have some parents that just , they're not willing to accept it fully yet and hopefully one day they will .
You know , and I mean from my experience , I feel like you know , if I , if I did what's best for him and we have better days now and he's happier .
So it almost reminds me of like back in the early 80s , late 70s . I can recall like my sister has held back and they felt like because she depended on me and so they felt that maybe if we she was held back , maybe that would make a difference . And then I just remember my sister being one year behind me and then they would put her back .
Then it was called special education . So they put her in special education with , like everyone else , like it was all grouped together and they know , or they didn't have a diagnosis , they weren't equipped yet to identify what dyslexia was . They just clumped them together .
They did clump them together and so sometimes I feel like when there's new things coming , so what that did for me was that helped me . Whenever my oldest son , I could identify right away that he had a form of dyslexia just by certain behavior , so I was able to learn that and I would learn how to advocate for that .
And now the school systems have the resources and the way to work with a child that is dyslexic , right . But I think that when new things come about , like autism , that's still something that is still in the works . They're still not sure how to educate .
They don't know yet how to , like Veronica mentioned , separate them so that they could have their space , their learning space and tools and resources that are needed for them .
So , yeah , I think there's still a lot of work to be done , I think there's still a lot of things that need to come about , but I'm so grateful and thankful that there are women like such as yourselves .
You know Veronica being an educator , you , jennifer , being that parent that's always involved I mean both of y'all , of course , involved , but in the sense that you , as a parent , are always trying to find a way to challenge the system .
And then you've got Veronica here , who is in the system , who's also trying to find her way to challenge that system , and yet there's just still not enough yet .
So I just want to say thank you both so much for taking the time in speaking with me and again just bringing about those things that are needed still today , and I really do hope that more and more awareness , and I hope that , by way of this platform , that'll show that there's still a lot of work to be done , and I'm proud of both of you , ladies .
It's an honor for me to know both of you all and to know that y'all are fighting a hard fight .
Y'all are fighting a fight right , but there's more of you all and to you know , know that y'all are fighting a hard fight , y'all are fighting a fight Right , and and but there's more of you out there , and so I do pray and hope that one day , uh , there is such , you know , a connection , a group or something that will further not only help the child but
help you as well , because I think it's needed . I think something is needed for the parents also , because it's got to be hard . I can only imagine you know , I only have my grandson every now and then , but I see the struggles that my daughter's going through , so I can only imagine that much more the struggle that you two are facing .
So , for anyone who's listening to today's episode , either one of you is there a way that if somebody another mom or someone wants to get connected to you , is there a way that they could connect to you , whether it be social media ?
Yeah , I'm on Facebook , I'm under Veronica Moreno , terry , so if anybody would you know , needs and has a question or whatever . But , like , like I said , I'm learning too and everybody's situation is so different , it's so it's so unique . But definitely , you know , talk to your pediatrician and they can give you the resources . I always prefer a doctor's diagnosis .
That way you have that and you don't have to rely on the schools . You know , because you have a doctor's diagnosis and you know the school can't , you know , kind of fudge their way into change anything , you have it .
You have a very good document , a medical document that you know you have in place the schools will only services or accommodations if the diagnosis affects their education .
So that does present a problem at times . I jace will do really well one year and they say , oh no , it's okay , even though I have a medical diagnosis . This year that has changed because it affects his education and his well-being at school . But veronica is very right definitely seek out help from the medical team , the physicians , and get that diagnosis .
It helps . I'm , under Jennifer Trigg Mitchell , really grateful for you sharing your platform so that we can talk about things that should be talked about amongst other parents . So thank you so much .
Absolutely All right , ladies , all right , thank right ladies .
All right , thank you , mariana .
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