God, Amigas & Growth: Choosing the Right Relationships

Plus , we're going to take a look at some incredible women of the Bible who can teach us about godly friendships . So grab your cafecito , get comfortable and let's get into it . Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast .

I'm Mariana , your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing , self-discovery and walking in confidence . As a dedicated life coach , wife , mom yaya and , most importantly , daughter of the king , I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you .

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So grab your tazza cafe y vamos a platicar . Okay so , sisterhood is a gift , but not every relationship is meant to go with us into every season of life . That's where discernment comes in .

Over the years , I have been blessed with a few lifelong friends , women who have stood by me through both the good and the bad , but I've also had friendships that were meant for just a season serving a purpose in my life before shifting into something different .

Distance , life changes and evolving roles have played a part in these transitions and , let's be honest , there have been people who appear to have my best interest at heart , but through prayer and discernment , god showed me otherwise , and I know I have probably fallen into one of more of these categories for others as well , but I'm reminded of Proverbs 21 , 17, .

That tells us that as iron sharpens iron , so one person sharpens another . So , true , sisterhood helps us grow , challenges us and lifts us up when we're weak , but we also need wisdom to recognize when a relationship is pulling us away from our purpose .

And so , with all that being said , you know there have been women in my life that you know that were really , truly there for me , and I've given this example time and time again . So , like in Oklahoma City , for instance , when I was there and I had just turned 30 , it was in 2004 , when I had moved there and I was going through a really rough patch .

So , if you're new here , a little bit about my story was I was married for eight years with a man , and over the course of the last five years of that marriage , it became an abusive relationship .

Now , I'm not going to say that I wasn't part of that problem , because I was not in the sense that I deserved what I got , but at the same time , we all play a role in some aspect of a relationship , right , and so there was a season for that marriage as well , and so God was able to open up doors , in the sense that he revealed to me that not only

did I get cheated on on one occasion , but on multiple occasions , and then you want to put the abuse on top of that , yeah , so it was time to end .

However , I did have friendships through the course of that marriage , uh , from the time that I was living in San Antonio to the time I was living in Oklahoma city and I did have friendships that were there for me , that encouraged me , that were , that were by my side through it all .

But I will say this that when you are a victim of domestic violence and you're going through it in that moment , if you don't understand the stages of domestic violence , then those that are in your life will not always understand and they will fall off because they're going to hear you repeat yourself over and over and over again .

And in a more clear-headed mind , a more logical mind , the question is well , why don't you just leave ? Well , why don't you just leave ? And if you know anything of domestic violence , that's not an easy , there's no easy reply to that answer , because in some instances , by saying that and that person leaves , it could lead to their death .

So it requires a lot of care , a lot of planning , a lot of support . And , yes , people are going to get tired of hearing the same story over and over and over again . I know because I was that person who would tell them over and over again and so they would avoid me because they didn't want to hear it anymore .

They were tired of telling me over and over and over to leave and I wouldn't . And that's just because , one , I wasn't quite ready yet and number two , I needed to have a plan of action in order to do that . The final straw not , I think , because I know the final straw of that came when I moved to Oklahoma City .

Now , mind you , I had friends here in Texas . I had a best friend and , to put it to you this way , my best friend didn't even know what I was going through and I was afraid to lose her , so I didn't want to share with her what I was going through . And I was afraid to lose her , so I didn't want to share with her what I was going through .

So I would lie to her and tell her that everything was fine , everything was perfect , and it wasn't until later that she realized what I was going through . And , yes , she was there for me for a lot , for a lot during that time that I finally did leave , during that time that I finally did leave . But the others you know that were in my life .

Some were in it , some took advantage of the situation , some took advantage of how I was feeling , and you're going to find that right , and you're also going to find people that assume that everything is hunky dory right and then they're going to be jealous of you . I know for myself .

I have seen Things that appeared perfect , that appeared like everything was going well , and I had my assumptions . But we never know what goes on behind closed doors , like in my case . No one really knew that I was going through a domestic violence situation . No one knew that I was getting you know hurt domestic violence situation .

No one knew that I was getting you know um , hurt , um . So it was really hard to put up that face , um , of having everybody believe . So of course there was envy . Oh , mariana has such a perfect marriage . Oh my God , they look so happy together .

Oh my God , I wish I had this , or I wish I had that , and not even knowing what I was going through , right , and then , over time , there was some envy going on , and then some of those women were the ones that were sleeping with him . So there's that .

But the women in Oklahoma City , the ones that were in my life for a season , are the ones that God used to provide me the strength that I needed in order for me to be able to leave that situation . They would pray for me , they supported me .

They , you know , helped with groceries , they helped with my children , you know , and they were just a big pillar for me , a big pillar of strength for me during that time . But I knew that there was going to be a time that I had to move away .

I had to come back to Texas , because this is where my family was , and this is when I really finally needed to face up to some things that was happening and truly , truly get my life to where I needed it to get to , and so I needed my family support .

And so I'm saying all of this to say that those women , I love them dearly , but they have moved on . Not that there's anything wrong with us , but whenever we see each other , it's like we pick up right where we left off . But those women were in my life for a season .

They served a purpose in my life to help me to move forward and to continue on the path that God had me on or was having me on , right . And so , even today , even now , over the years , as we evolve as women , as we start to change , because you should be changing , you're growing , you're learning things , you're starting to make some adjustments .

The older you get the wiser you get .

I feel in some cases some people , it's taking them a little bit longer than it needs to be , but for the most part , we should be growing and we should be changing , and with that change is going to come a new set of people into your life , because God is going to use other people in your life to pour into you and again , it could be for a season or

it could be for the long haul . And so , like I said , I have very few women from my past and when I say my past I'm talking about childhood past .

There's three women that are still in my life from all of it , from the very beginning to currently , and those are the women that I like to close , that I like to have close to me , because they are praying women . They are women who know me from before Christ to now with Christ .

They are women that continue to support me , support my mission , that encourage me to continue to move on , and we're there for each other because we all have gone through some things , so we are able to share that with one another and then we're able to help each other move forward , and there's nothing about , there's no jealousy , there's nothing .

It's not about competition . It's about collaboration . It's about loving on each other and pouring into each other God's work right . So God's kingdom is built on unity and collaboration . So we're going to take a look at Mary and Elizabeth , two women with unique callings , yet they celebrated and supported each other .

When Mary visited Elizabeth , luke 1 41 tells us that Elizabeth's baby leaped in her womb at the sound of Mary's voice . Sisterhood should make us leap with joy , not shrink in comparison . I'm going to say that again Sisterhood should make us leap with joy , not shrink in comparison .

So I'm going to ask this question Are you celebrating the women around you , or are you allowing comparison to steal your joy ? So , in a world that often pits women against each other , it's important that we stand together , not apart . We have too much to gain from lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down .

So another woman of the Bible that comes to mind is Deborah . Deborah was a judge . She was a prophetess in the book of Judges . She provides a powerful example of leadership and collaboration . She didn't work alone . She partnered with Barak to lead Israel to victory , proving that great things happen when we support one another . Support one another .

I like to hear about Debra , because in this world today , in this world so , I have friends that are podcasters , I have friends that are authors , I have friends that are business owners , that are also life coaches .

And here's the thing we become more victorious or we grow better when we work together , because not everybody is going to receive the message that I give , not everybody's going to like my voice , not everybody's going to like the way I deliver messages Right , and not everybody's going to like my book . Not everybody's going to resonate with my book .

But there's other authors and so what we do is you were like you know what ? I have a friend that I believe may suit you better . Let me share with you her information . When we can collaborate with one another , that means we can build off of each other , especially in the world of business . There's so much opportunity for everybody .

There is enough to go around , so there's no reason why we should be competing with one another . I love collaborating with people , I love networking , I love going out there and just sharing with people the things that they can do out in the community .

I love that we can come together , like , for instance , some of those author friends that I were talking to you about . We are going to host a women's conference and guess what ? Those ladies are going to be there , they're going to be able to deliver their messages , and we're working together .

All of us have our own businesses , all of us are coaches , all of us are authors , but we get to come together to share a message and build each other up . I think about a bucket of crabs . When you have a bucket of crabs and one of the crabs is trying to go up , and so they climb on each other , but what is it ? What do they do ?

The crab then pulls down the other crab , and so they can't come out right , instead of putting your hands together and say , okay , step on this , let me raise you up so that you can get out right . That is what we're supposed to be about . We're supposed to be lifting each other up and helping each other continue to move forward .

Another person that I like to read about is Esther . Esther relied on the support of her cousin Mordecai and the prayers of the Jewish people to fulfill her purpose in saving her people . She didn't act alone either . She built upon relationship that gave her strength .

What if she had allowed fear or self-doubt to keep her from stepping into her calling , and that happens to a lot of us . We allow for fear and self-doubt to keep us from moving forward .

And that's why we need each other , amiga , that's why we need the sisterhood , because when we start feeling a certain way , we need somebody to cheer us on and to give us the encouragement to continue to move forward .

But if you're going to come with somebody and I see this a lot too like you have an idea right , and you can't share your ideas with everybody . I wrote this in my book too . It says you can't share your dreams with everybody . Why ? Because book , too , it says you can't share your dreams with everybody . Why ?

Because not everybody's going to have their , your best interest at heart . Some people are going to . Why do you want to do that ? Oh , there's already enough life coaches . Oh , there's a . You know so many people are already out there writing their book or another business . You know like your business isn't going to be successful .

We've heard those people before , right ? Well , we don't need those people . We need a community that says , yes , you can do it . Why ? Because your thing is unique to you , your thing is going to be unique to your audience , your thing is going to be unique for the person who needs to hear it . Okay , and let's just say it's not a business .

Maybe it's your career and you're growing . And people are going to say , oh , look at her , she thinks she's better than everybody . Oh , my God , look at she's now she's been promoted or now she's doing this and stuff . And a lot of times it's those people , it's those women that aren't doing anything .

It's oftentimes it's those women that would like to complain rather than do and make those changes . Right , so we can't be those type of people for other mujeres . We need to be able to be that mujer that collaborates with somebody or that relies on the support and encouragement of others .

Right , so that we're not afraid , so that we know that we're not going at this alone . Now contrast that with the woman at the well , and that's in John 4 . She was isolated , probably judged by her community , and lacking a strong support system . But guess what happened ? Jesus met her where she was and gave her the living water she truly needed .

Imagine if she had women in her life who built her up instead of leaving her to fend for herself . And how many of us have felt like her at times . I know I have . There have been plenty of times that I have felt like the woman at the well , like I was being condemned or like I was being judged or left to defend her own self .

I felt that way , and I probably have made others feel that way too . I mean , if we're going to be honest , let's be real , I'm more than sure that I've been guilty of that myself , and so I've . I mean , she must have felt alone , misunderstood and maybe even unworthy . Right ? Can we say that we felt that before .

I mean , I know that I have , and I know several women that have felt like that too , that feel alone , and there's a difference between feeling alone and lonely , right Alone , isolated , you know .

But loneliness is where you have this longing for company , this longing for community , this longing for wanting someone to validate how you feel and to recognize your efforts .

I'm not saying that we have to thrive on other people's recognitions , but sometimes just hearing hey , mariana , you're doing a good job feels so good to me and I'm pretty sure it's probably going to feel so good to somebody else , right ? So how can we as mujeres , as women , do better ?

We can pray for each other , we can encourage one another and seeing each other as allies and not adversaries . When we build relationships rooted in love and trust , we become unstoppable . Right , the enemy wants division , but God calls us to unity , and we see that a lot in this world .

I mean , okay , I don't talk about politics , I don't like to talk , but let's talk about this situation . Right , and we're seeing it right now with the current president , everybody's very vocal and very separated . I mean , I see this even within my own family that they're not talking to each other just because of who they supported .

You've got one side who supported Trump , the other side who supported Biden or Harris , and because one president won , now the family isn't talking and they're separated instead of together . And we shouldn't have separation . There should be unity .

In spite of what our beliefs are , we should be coming together on the things that we do agree on , because if we focus on what we don't agree on , we're going to be missing out . On a lot , on a lot , we're going to be missing out . So we really need to hone in on that and truly look at how we can come together .

How can we be more supportive to one another ? So I'm asking another question Are you building up the women in your life or are you seeing them as competition , and how can you shift your mindset to one of collaboration ? Let's think about that for a moment . This episode is proudly sponsored by the Drip Bar Magnolia .

If you're looking for a way to boost your energy , immune system and overall wellness , check them out at the Drip Bar Magnolia . They are also the proud sponsor of she's Bold Women Conference happening on May 2nd . Don't forget we're running a special two-for-one sale on tickets over on Eventbrite , so grab your amiga and come join us . Okay , amiga ?

So let's be real for a second . So we've been real this whole time , but let's get a little bit more real , okay . How many times have we found ourselves gossiping over cafecito , like sharing details about someone else's life that we had no business discussing ? As Hispanic women , we often call it what Chismeando Andamos chismeando and listen .

And it's become such a norm , like in the culture of the Hispanic culture . It's just a norm , you know , chismeando con cafecito and listen . I would be lying if I said I wasn't still working on this , because I am .

I fall short , I find myself sometimes sucked into the gossiping world , and this is a real struggle and it's something that was ingrained in me since childhood , like I've seen , like I remember seeing my family members . You know just . You know it just happened . But let's go deeper . Why do we do it ? Why do we sometimes feel jealous when another woman succeeds ?

I can admit that in most of those moments it was because I was insecure of myself .

I had a big problem with insecurity and sometimes it still lingers Right , and I have felt jealous of other women and , just like I was saying earlier , I had jealousy towards other women , not knowing the real story , and it took me working at an organization to realize that what you see took a lot of work and took a lot of effort .

And I tell people today because I'll have some clients , will tell me like you've got it all together . You look like this , you look like you're well put and I'm like honey . If you would have saw me 20 years ago , I was a hot mess . I was a hot mess . I was looking at someone else the way you're looking at me .

I was talking to someone else the way that you're talking to me , because unless you can walk in the shoes that I walked in , then you'll be able to get to where I'm at , and that was a lot of walking , that was a lot of shoes that I had to go through because I was wearing them out . And who I am today was not the person who I was .

This is a person who's evolved over the years , right , and has gained knowledge and has gained understanding , you know , and there's still things that I'm learning . I'm constantly , always trying to learn , always that I'm learning . I'm constantly , always trying to learn always . And so who you see , was not developed overnight .

This took years , years to develop , and so that's why I always say we can't be looking at people on the surface . We have to really know them , get to know them , build that relationship with them , ask them . I would rather ask than be curious and create an assumption in my mind .

I would rather ask , I would rather someone just share with me their story , because all of us have a story to share . All of us have a story that's going to benefit someone else .

Someone needs to hear your story , because you never know who you're going to impact or you never know going to impact you , right , and so seeing women thrive would make me feel small , yes , and I'd ask myself why not me ? And when I started to ask myself why not me . Things started to change . So why can't we celebrate instead of hate ?

And I know I'm not the only one who has felt this . The bible gives us a clear guidance on this in James 3 16 . It warns us for where you have envy and selfish ambition , there you find disorder and every evil practice . When we allow jealousy to take root , it breeds division , insecurity and even self-sabotage . So let's look at Leah and Rachel .

These sisters spent years competing for Jacob's love , driven by jealousy and insecurity . Right , instead of embracing the unique roles God had for them , they allowed rivalry to create strife in their home . And let's not forget Miriam and Moses' sister .

In Numbers 12 , she and Aaron spoke against moses out of jealousy , questioning his authority , and , as a result , god struck miriam with leprosy , a powerful reminder that gossip and rivalry can have serious consequences . Now , nowadays , we're not going to get struck by some type of , but you know what ? Here's what I'll tell you .

The more we create these kind of feelings of hatred , the more it stays on us . And when you become bitter , when you become so insecure , when you become so jealous and the envy is so strong , it takes a toll on our bodies , on our bodies .

Sicknesses will happen Heart attacks , anxieties , depression , all of these things because our health is affected by how we feed it , how we react to things , and when we are truly cheerful and joyful and loving to other people , we're going to receive that back . We're going to receive that back and it makes us healthy , because we're receiving goodness inside of us .

We're not spewing out this poison , right , and what we want to receive is that goodness , and so we also have to be that for others , right ? And so I mean , as we can break this cycle , instead of tearing each other down or pulling each other down like those crabs , let's take a look at what Galatians 6 , 2 says to the heart .

It says carry each other's burdens , and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ . So my question to you is have you ever caught yourself comparing or competing with another woman , and how can you shift your heart to celebrate her instead ?

Right , we love our sisters , but let's be honest as humans , we fail us , and that's why we must remember that God is our ultimate friend . John 15 , 15 says I no longer call you servants , because a servant does not know his master's business . Instead , I have called you friends .

Oh my God , how beautiful is that that the creator of the universe calls us friend . And let's not forget Hagar . She was alone in the wilderness , but God met her there and revealed himself as El Roy , the God who sees her , and he sees you too , in your loneliness , in your disappointments and even in your victories . He is faithful .

So have you invited God into your friendships ? And how can you lean on him as your ultimate friend ? And how can you lean on him as your ultimate friend ? So , before we wrap up , don't forget to join us on Wednesdays at 7.30 pm , central Standard Time , for our Amiga Ready to Read your Bible study group .

It's a beautiful time of connection and learning , and there are so many beautiful women that have joined us . And , of course , make sure to grab your she's Bold Women's Conference tickets . Our two-for-one special won't last long . So before we leave , amigas , let me pray us out , because I don't like to end the show without praying for you .

Father , god , thank you for the gift of friendship , thank you for surrounding us with women who sharpen and encourage us , give us wisdom and discernment in our relationship , help us to be women who uplift and collaborate , not compete , and remind us that , even when we feel alone , you are always with us .

We trust you as our faithful friend in Jesus name , amen . So , amiga , if this episode blessed you , please take a moment to share it with a friend , leave a review and hit that like button , and let's spread the message of sisterhood and God's love far and wide . Until next time , stay bold , stay faithful and keep walking in your mission .

I'll see you next Saturday . Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast . If you found today's episode inspiring , don't forget to subscribe , leave a review and share it with your amigas . Forget to subscribe , leave a review and share it with your amigas .

And , before you go , if you're looking to dive deeper into healing , self-discovery and walking in confidence , be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing , self-discovery and walking in confidence , available now on Amazon . Stay connected with me on social media .

Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission Podcast and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission . If you're considering working with a coach , but aren't sure if you're ready , send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey . Until next Saturday , keep shining and remember the power is within you . Adios , amigas .