The Rudest Question You've Definitely Asked This Week

You're listening to I'm MoMA Mia podcast.

Have you decided what you want for your birthday?

Oh? I've told Brent what I want and I hope he was paying attention. Yeah, yeah, because I want my little Bunning's glass greenhouse thing. Jesus crash this beautiful necklace.

Okay, Okay, god no, I think it's better to have those lists because my mom.

I used to be like nearly my whole life until the last few years. I'm like a surprise me person because I love surprises, like I genuinely do. But it's just twenty years of missus twenty years.

Yeah, it's just like it's time to just ask.

It's time exactly. He's a lovely man that this is not his strength. Yes, yeah, time to be specific, you know, save us all a little bit of aggs, send some cash. Hello, and welcome to MoMA Mia out Loud. It's what women are actually talking about on Friday, the twelfth of December.

I'm Wayne right, I'm m vern Em and I'm Jesse Stevens.

And here's what made our agenda for today. It's been a dilemma for the ages. Is a straight man cheating if he likes other women's posts on Instagram. Yes, Thankfully, for those of us who are a little bit more conflicted than them, a court has cleared this up.

It is also social season, and we are well overdue for an Ediica guide where we tell you exactly how to behave because we're well equipped.

And if you're struggling to make a decision at the moment, ask yourself, is it a hat, a haircut, or a tattoo. We stumbled across a decision framework that promises to change your life.

But first, as I mentioned, there has often been debate about whether or not it's okay to like other people's posts on social media. So if you're a straight man in a relationship with a woman, is it okay for you to like other women's posts? Now? I have always said yes, I don't own your life likes, but you m say absolutely not. Give me some context here about it.

Firstly, if it's going to be a like that's going to embarrass me as your girlfriend, you can't be liking that photo.

What kind of light would embarrass you?

A photo of a model who doesn't even know you exist, and you're constantly liking every single photo she posts, She's going to see.

It so like Siddy Sweeney, let's say official account. Presumably she posts something she gets a million likes when she posts. If your significant other is one of the people who likes that, you don't like that, yeah.

I think that's a bit embarrassing.

It's embarrassing.

I actually have a story here, and I can't believe I witnessed this firsthand. I was dating a guy and he was looking at a photo from Selena Gomez and it was a carousel, and it was like, the first one was like her looking really really sexy, and he liked it, and the second one was her with Benny Blanco, and then he like.

A witness that I was dating here. I think this lovely deluded gentleman thought that Selena might be like, I'm looking through the lists of all the names. She's the most followed person. I'm looking through the lists of all the names to decide who I might go on a random date with.

You, and like, she doesn't need your like, whereas if your partner is liking a photo of Dame Judy dench yeplay on.

Okay, this is confusing. So it's lucky that some courts around the world have ruled on this. You might have seen some headlines around the place that in the country Turkia, which is in like southeast Europe, a divorce court has just ruled that a husband's interacting with other women on social media platforms did constitute cheating, and it's being reported around the world this particular case as a kind of

In Australia we have no fault divorce. Yeah, so if you and your partner get divorced, no one needs to prove that it was someone else is fault, right, whereas in other places in the world you do prove fault. And this is a way of going he was at fault because he was liking.

And that thought you might be getting better, more favorable divorce settlement exactly.

And what I want in court is I need that picture displayed.

I need it displayed.

I need us to prosecute the nuance of that photo. Is it a graduation photo of an ex where we're just encouraging her future endeavors clap clap, look at you go?

Or is that allowed by the way I think we're allowed to do that.

I think so.

Whereas if it is a your ex is taken up bikini modeling and there's eleven photos in a carousel and he's like con zooming and he's going on the Instagram stories fire emojing exactly, and maybe a DM going it looks like you're well, that crossing a line and I need a judge to say that, like I need a judge to say it, and then a ward.

And I think it's also the where in the claim it says that he was constantly doing that, so I can imagine there would have been a conversation of her going, I don't like when you do this, and he does it, And you can tell exactly how much they do it by their Instagram explore page. If you go onto someone's Instagram explore page, and I assume with this person here, his Instagram explore page is just all these.

Women in bikinis. They are like, you have a tendency.

To like a lot, whereas mine is all left one drivers, which is me in my personal business.

But this is why this is murky, right Jesse, Like this particular divorce, ACiE, we don't know the particulars here, but like, in general, is it illegal for your partner to like looking at pictures of women and bikinis on Instagram?

You heard the court It is a little bit legal.

It is, And in fact, I would like I would like to have their eyes to add in another piece of legislation that I think is missing, okay, which is my mum in law does still like and I've spoken about this before, photos of Luca's X and I just it's time.

To stop it.

She's trolling you, She's trolling me, And it's like.

Is Luca allowed to like those photos? Look?

When I brought it up on this podcast a year ago, it does appear he has stopped. Mother in law was a different level though, because I feel as though she's too encouraging.

Do you think she's also in the DMS going how are you doing?

We miss you? We miss you in this family?

And I think that when there's a court, when Luca and I go to court over something, I'm going to be bringing that up. This lady has been too encouraging to the exes, and I don't appreciate it.

It feels pointed.

So social season is amongst us, which means that it's time where people on the internet tell other people on the internet how to behave Yes.

Us included Yes.

A subject writer named Hannah Park published a piece titled modern day social Etiquette you should live.

And die by.

Now.

This is not like a fancy, fancy etiquette guide where you're making like a five course meal. This is for people who just happen to attend things during the social season.

And get easily confused.

And we've done a few of these for our subscriber out Louders.

In fact, we have one subscriber episode coming up specifically about Christmas, New Year and the holiday season. But then this one I just found during like a very busy social period. I just need some guidance. And there are a few things on there that I'm doing that I didn't realize.

We're rude, Okay, can I read out some Yes, always pour someone else's water or wine before your own.

This is a lesson that Jesse has learned.

Yeah, I'd be explicitly told by someone I used to work with, and I think of her every time I do it.

Now. I didn't know we had to do that. Of course you have to do that, oh my god, because sometime sometimes.

They're quite heavy, so you know when you pick it up, and I can't be doing this.

Before God, or at least you offer.

You have to offer an intolerance to water, and you don't want.

To, you don't want to present them. It tastes like spin.

No, that's why you should always just give you.

So if you go like this and they go you up, that's fine. Don't lick your fingers. Oh, I always like tricky because the thing like finger food is tricky. You know, like if you're at a fancy event and somebody is bringing around finger food, you know how they always offer you a CANape and a napkin.

Do you call it a CANape?

I call it a cap It's called a can I think I'm just being stupid.

Cannot pey and a napkin.

But you've got a glass in hand, so you never take the napkin because then you're in a pickle, a pickle. Then you don't know what what to do, so you eat, and then you've got to lick your fingers or wipe a mod dress?

You do you got a fancy dress.

You don't want to do that. Some people who lick their fingers make it quite audible.

Yeah, I know what you may.

I also think over the way kend I was indulging in a cheesel, which I hadn't had. No, while you can't eat a cheesel without looking, licking.

Fingers is the best bit.

It's the best bit because you've got the salt on it. Like, what am I meant to do with my cheesel?

You know what you do? You roll it between.

And I like, sprinkle it into your mouth.

I'm really glad that.

We've nailed the cheesel etiquette in this holiday guide. Early on. That is the weirdest shit I've ever heard. It's so good.

It's extra flavor. It's like an extra back.

Okay, if you know the name of a bird or plant while walking outside with friend, share it with the group.

Such nonsense.

I just disagree, like, I rather not. I rather walk to silence.

You know that. I will totally do that, Yeah, because you know how I am with my nature and even I know that's annoying when people come to stay with us where we live down the coast and walk around, I go, look at that, that's a great heron.

Look at that.

I don't care.

That's a plover. Look at that it's a Pelican. Nobody wants They all look like the same bird. Nobody wants that. So I just have to say it inside my head, like, yes, Holly, you do know things, Okay.

When someone tells a story, ask a follow up question before telling your own.

I loved this.

I think it's a really simple way to make sure that you don't get into that dynamic of both of you just monologuing or whatever. And sometimes I go, you know, you'll find yourself midway through a conversation and go I've been talking too much, and you try and diffuse it.

I like that as just like, yeah, always ask something else or I just wait for your.

T If you're telling a story and you can tell they just want to say something, yeah what they think is better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is very nice, polite.

Yeah.

Light.

If you're telling a story and then someone else starts telling their story, don't look at your phone.

Well, if you're one up in my story, I'm looking at my phone.

Who I see this all the time. I see this all the time.

In a group setting, someone will speak and then when they're done speaking and someone else starts speaking.

And often it'll be one person.

It could be the quieter person at the table, could be someone who said less, I see someone touch the and I think that is the root of single pin.

Okay, where should the phone be?

Never within eyesight, not on the table or anything, unless you are my obstecution.

Or maybe a parent with the baby at home with a babysitter. Yeah, but then these days we've often got watches.

Vibrate for that, aren't we Aren't we paying the babysitter to sort it.

I just feel like that's none of your business.

Or maybe a single girl, if you have a better lineup, yeah, true, true, yeah, but if you can check that.

That's why phone belongs in pocket. When you go do a way, check your phone. But I don't think we are doing it within because when one person pulls their phone out, everything's ruined. Everyone's checking their phone and we've just broken the like social.

Code its bond offer to help old people walk up the stairs or across the streets.

Well, of course, duh. But just be careful what your boundary of old people.

Is, because Holly hates it when I offer. When I say to her, do you need help in the lift?

You can really poised at the social event if you get that wrong.

Oh my god.

Okay, I understand the difference between nice questions versus nosy questions.

This is very tricky. I don't think I know what this is.

So apparently it's nosy and rude to ask what someone does for living, or like how's work going?

Or something to do?

With work.

The general consensus, and what this article said was that that's a rude question and you have to get more creative.

That's that's the first thing I asked me too. So this is interesting because I'm finding that I've got less and less tolerance for small talk as I get older. I don't know if it's the hormones. I don't know if it's the age or what it is. But I used to be quite a fan of small talk. I remember years ago coaching you Jesse on office small talk, because I was like, it's important, it's the social code. You just how is your weekend fine? How was your weekend fine?

Exactly I find that question.

This article was written by Claire Easton, was in the Guardian. She's a writer and she had to go to like a sort of event where she didn't know very many people that normally would be small talk, but she'd sworn off it. The first person I spoke to at the show as a freelance photographer, what's your star side? I asked, Oh, I feel like I have to know about star signs I believe, looked pleasantly surprised, and then answered Aquarius and

I agree that we can get to more interesting places.

I think you can sound like you're forcing it a bit.

You can't row a dog in an interesting question.

The one that I like is because I will see a lot of people over this period where, to be completely honest, I've forgotten what they do for work. I'm not sure if they're working at the moment. Yep, I don't know if they're retired. I don't like I just haven't been keeping up. And so what you're meant to say is what's been keeping you busy?

And I quite like.

That, Hey, uncle, blah, what's been keeping you busy? And then at least it's open, and then you can kind of follow them there rather than making any assumptions about what their life looks like at the moment.

Yeah, I actually like that. I have one uncle who known since I was born. Every single year at Christmas, he always asks me where do I work?

And I've only worked at one place.

Yeah, every single year.

I was thirty before one uncle stopped saying how's boost juice?

Fifteen years.

But I still enjoy This is the problem with small talk, right, is that no one's really listening, no one really cares, no one's going to remember. Obviously, I find it awkward to jump into something deep with people you don't know very well. I don't think you should necessarily do that. But something about the world, something about the day that's not you know, just how are you busy? How are you busy? Or you know, like, I don't know. I

But I think sometimes it's stepping stones, right, And then you come across something really interesting, but you can't force it, and you also don't want to sound like you're prying, which I guess is the point about being nosy. There are some people who are going into this season with things they really don't want to talk about, well with bruises, they don't want pressed.

If you're emotionally intelligent, you can tell that. So if I say to you, how are you and your eyes filled with I'm going to change your subject ye pretty fast. I like saying, what have you been watching lately?

Yeah?

No, no, I do. I do like that. I do like everyone reads yeah, but everyone watches something.

It's very true.

We want to jump into though, Hi, uncle Bob, what have you been watching lately? That over watch your.

Start signed Bob, And then like Aquarius, I'm like, I don't know anything.

Anything about that, and now we're stuck.

And now it was stuck.

There was one that I realized I've been doing that I didn't know was rude. But I will stop, which is apparently you've got to stop walking into places, whether that is a restaurant, a venue, a home and ask for a phone charge.

That apparently is very rude, rude. I've done it at the gym.

I've done it at like I am constantly asking strangers to charge my phone and it's like, I need to sort out the battery life on my phone.

That's what I need.

Yeah, but then you have to remember to charge the portable. I never do. People bought me those before, and I'm like, you are assuming that I have ever gott to charge this if I can't charge my phone, But it's correct. I do like that one in here where the etiquette is like don't leave the house with uncharged devices. Brent never has this device charged. He's always like, I'm nearly out of juice.

He says, day, can't charge your phone, Come on now.

I also liked if you find yourself in an interaction where someone is cleaning, join them in cleaning. I went through all the comments on this and there were just really good basic ones. And you often do see You'll be in a situation where a woman is in the kitchen cleaning dishes, and someone will talk at her.

It might be me and holding a glass of wine trying to scrub around the elbow.

Yeah, mum, do you know where the rest of the wine is? And Mum's just like sweating and stuff, and it's like you, no, you should probably pick up a teacher.

I wonder if there's a line in that, out louders, We'll have to tell us, because very good rule of thumb. If you're at someone's house and they're hosting you and there cleaning, always jumping off for help, some people do not like you're doing that. Some people are get upset about and then because also you're going to have come with a lot of questions to that situation. Where does this go? Where does that go?

Cloth?

Where's your glasses? Where's your both? Some people don't like that. I like that. I'm like, go for your life, clean as much as you like. I'm going to go sit down with my wine and you're going to clean up the kitchen. But I'd love to know what out loud, I think the line is about that one.

Yeah, yeah, true, true.

I think it's like even get everything away, like collecting things and putting them in the sink at least, is like you've done some of the job.

Look like you're doing something.

Just fiddle, yeah, wipe a table, yeah, fiddle and even put ttawel in left hand, right hand, left hand, right hand, but just appear to be helping.

That's absolutely moving around.

I liked as well. Understand the purpose of a group chat. It is not for logistics, it's not for disagreements. Those should happen one on one.

This is genius. As we've talked about a few times, I'm not as into group chats as everybody else because I just find it overwhelming. And this is particularly what I hate about them is where people are fighting about things or where people are just saidlessly going is it two or is it three?

Right?

Yeah, this isn't the place.

Okay, But how about we were speaking recently about what dish you bring, and I have group chats that are just like I'm bringing the salad, I'm bringing the rolls, I'm bringing the bla. I prefer to be told what to bring. Is that just a passive thing. I'll just

Is someone writing this?

Yeah?

I think there needs to be an organizer. So yeah, no what everyone's bringing, because one time I did go to a Christmas thing and there were five salads, yeah, and like three prawns.

Yeah, that was it.

Exactly allocate, allocate people's strengths.

I have one last etiquete question.

I wanted to ask, Oh, yes, because I saw this in the comments and oh I didn't know this.

When you give someone.

A gift, you should always give them the gift receipt.

Do you do this no, so they can exchange it?

Do you think there's a price, because I decided that if it's less than thirty bucks, I'm not giving them the gift receipt, and if it's a child, I'm probably not giving them the gift receipt. Right, But if I've spent a decent amount of money on a family member and there's a chance I need to exchange or it's not quite right, what do we think?

That's really interesting? Because I think it's rude to give the gift receipt really but maybe that's an individual thing.

Because a gift re seat doesn't say how much it was, but it entitles you to go on.

Yeah, maybe it depends, like if it's an item of clothing, yes, yeah, because sizing is an issue. Okay, But otherwise I think it's a bit rude because it kind of says, I bought you this thing, but you might hate it. I think we should be assuming that you're gonna like it.

I have been occasions where I've given a gift receipt because I want them to enjoy the gift I'm giving, but I don't give it to them.

Straight like that. I just say I have the receipt. If you do want something else, offer from this website.

I remember getting a few books for Christmas and there was a gift recept accompanied, and I thought that was a good case.

Because you might have had some of those.

I might have had them, I might have read them, I might have whatever, And that's a really easy thing to go and exchange or whatever.

I think it's really funny. I always think that's about gifts when it's Christmas, is that part of giving a gift is that it's supposed to be somebody else's vision of you, right, Like, it's not just about the thing itself. Otherwise we just all give each other money. And obviously you do give people money, like teenagers just want money or things. But if you've gone to the trouble of choosing a thing for a person, I think it's a bit transactional to always just be like, oh, you could

But like, but something very personal like jewelry given books, like I would find that's like such a personal gift.

But if I brought you a necklace, right and you hated it and so you just went and swapped it for a hat.

Yeah, it sounds likely.

Just wasteful, a bit like, well I didn't buy you that at all, do you know what I mean?

But it's more about you.

Than then you'd be like, where's that necklace and be like a home, would.

You like my new hat?

Hi?

I'm going to put a pole in the out Louders Facebook group about whether we think it is polite etiquette to include a gift receipt, because that is.

Something I cannot quite decide.

Out louders in a moment, is the decision you're currently facing a hat, a haircut, or a tattoo we discuss.

Out louders.

We've got a listener dilemma, and we need your collective wisdom to help us and our partners UI solve it.

Please.

Here is the problem. From an out louder. I have a work and family dilemma. I work with my mother in law and we get along fine, except her perfume. It gives me a headache on the good days and a full migraine on the worst days. I've asked her repeatedly not to wear perfume to work, and have told her when I've had to go home with centrigered migraines, but she still wears it every day and it causes me pain. Please help me find a way to get.

Her to stop once and for all. The question is what do you do next?

You can tell I could barely wait to jump in on this because this is a meedy one. Yeah, Because the thing is, is this a passag maneuver? Because if she knows it's giving her daughter and Laura, ifn you're an expert in this particular Jesse, she knows it's giving her order Laura headache. Or do you think that maybe she doesn't believe it? You know how, there's a sort of sometimes that oh, such a snowflake with your eye roll migrains, like you know what I mean? That kind of vibe perfume can be.

It's a very personal firing.

Some people feel undressed without it.

Yes, yes, and you can wear it for years and years.

Like it's a big thing to ask someone with someone not to wear it, Like I understand that, and it's an awkward thing to broach. I would say something along the lines of.

I think I might be allergic to your perfume. How annoying is that?

And I would just kind of put it on me and go like, I know that's really annoying, but I'm having this like allergic reaction, Like I would put it in that framework rather than kind of suggest I wonder if she's been too subtle about it.

Maybe you know how some people are allergic to artificial sense, but they're not allergic to natural sense. What if you found out a scent that you're not allergic to, and you bought your mother in law a present of that perfect with a gift receipt. Yep, yep, yeah, with a gift receipt. And you are like, I think this would be lovely for you and it won't give me a headache. And then see what happens. Although perfume is a tricky thing to buy something, I was also thinking that.

Or I say, let's go a bit rogue and every time your mother in law, especially at work, walks past you or going into a meeting room that you're in, just go, oh oh, no, does anyone have a spray something just came in and I don't know what that is?

What is that smell with deathol? And like just spray itel like she smells bad? Yeah, yeah, that'll word evil Genie. I think that it really works.

Out loud is what would you do next? Share your thoughts in the mummir out loud Facebook group. Also, if you have a dilemma, send it to us at out loud at momamea dot com, dot a you We would love to help. Apparently there are only three different types of decisions and working out what kind of decision you're

If you know the persuct hasn't read.

It, that book spikes every jam.

Every January that book goes off. I have read it. I bloody love it.

But this actually isn't from that book. He has a newsletter which I would also recommend. But it's his theory, and here's what he writes. Most decisions are like hats. Try one, if you don't like it, put it back and try another. The cost of a mistake is low, so move quickly and try a bunch of hats. Some decisions are like haircuts. You can fix a bad one, but it won't be quick and you might feel foolish for a while. That said, don't be scared of a

Oh, I love this. My question is, do you.

Think it's that simple to always classify a decision like I can definitely see hats, and I can see tattoos, But there are some decisions even I feel like I'm facing at the moment where I don't know how to classify them. And in fact, maybe there's something between a haircut and a tattoo that we need a name for.

What do you reckon?

I also think with haircut, I feel like, because it's the middle one, sometimes what might be a haircut in the moment feels like a tattoo decision. Ye, or you might mistake it for a hat decision and then you just snowball. Because I have thought about this quite a bit, and I think I treat a lot of my haircut decisions as hat decisions. Really give me an example, like actual haircut, Remember when I dyed my hair blue.

But that's okay because that was a hat decision. The blue goes away, but it was a haircut decision. I had that for a year. Well, it was a literal haircut decision.

I wonder if hair dye is the one between the haircut and a tattoo, right, because a haircut's one thing. Yeah, I've cut my hair too shot, I've gotten a full fringe that hasn't suited me. There's some bad months. I've also screwed up the dye, and there's some bad years. There's some real damage.

It takes a lot to fix. And it's not as simple as.

Just like, I'm still a haircut decision. Though, Let's give some real life applications. Resigning from a job when you don't have another job yet because it's making you miserable. Is that a haircut or a hat or a tattoo? A haircut? I think it's a haircut, right, Yeah, And it might be really difficult because you might have a period of time where you are skinned where you realize you're going to have to either go back to that job or get one just the same because your dream

Go, what gift am I gonna buy? What am I gonna have for lunch? Really simple ones that we make every day, and we probably fret over some of those things for longer than we should.

Yeah, because I feel like some people's hats are different to other people's hats. Like I take my hat decisions sometimes quite seriously.

Yeah, even like work decisions that I know are fairly I have been known at work to treat a hat like a tattoo and to go, no, if we make this small change, then it's gonna be permanent, and it's gonna be And it's like, nah, you've got to evolve more quickly than that and kind of be impulsive.

Moved into a new place.

That's the one I'm struggling with.

That's a haircut decision too. No, it's not, I think I think the tattoo, No, it's not, because you could move back, you know what I mean. Like the haircut, it's still a haircut. It's a drastic haircut. It's a buzz cut, like it's not a trim, you know. So maybe the haircut, like what you're looking for here is also it's a buzz cut, not a trim, so the growback will be bad, but if you really really want to try it. Sometimes we talk ourselves out of things

Yes, but a bad investment, a bad money decision, whether that's marrying someone who spends all the money, whether that is buying a place you shouldn't have, whatever, a bad money decision can be attached to.

That's so true. But the thing is is there are or even within this framework, there are always going to be things that are beyond your control. So like buying a house in a place that then suddenly the price is drop or whatever, like, that's not really something you can control. So it might have started out as a haircut decision, more often to a tattoo decision because you've lost all your money. But there are some things you can't control.

Okay. So one of the true tattooed choosing.

To have kids children possibly the ultimate tattoo decision. Right who you married. You could argue that's a buzz cut decision as well.

I don't think you should go into marriage thinking it's a haircut.

I don't know.

I don't know tattoos they are a tattoo decision. Like that's well, you can, It's true there are not that many fol But I think one of the ways this is really helpful is also to sometimes remind yourself of what might be a hat for you could be a haircut for someone else. So if you're a manager, for example, at work, if you're making a decision that affects how you work, it's a hat decision, right, like, because who

I have a lot of trouble making all sorts of decisions, and I get a bit of decision paralysis, and I think it's because I look at almost all situations in life and I feel as though there is a right decision, or there is a perfect decision, and there is a wrong decision. It's almost like it's a test, and I go, if you stuff this up, there will be enormous grammifications or whatever, which is perfectionism, and it's not true. It's like an illusion. It's just you've got to take the

But I don't believe there is such a thing as a perfect decision ever. I think that every single big, big choice you make will still have some things about it that are a bit shit, you know what I mean. I think that there are you know, we had that whole conversation on out Loud last week about children and whether or not it was okay to say sometimes like I sometimes think about what would happen if I've made a different choice, and we talked about whether that was okay,

Yeah, but I hate the feeling like this is such a low stakes one. But you're trying to plan a holiday. Maybe you're looking at January and you're going, where am I going to go?

That's a hair cut, not a hat because it's expensive and of involved usually if you're going away with other people it involves them too.

And you go and you think, even how I'm going to spend the holidays, like am I going to go away?

Am I not? Who am I going to spend it with?

Whatever?

And you do something, You go made the wrong decision. I've gone to the wrong place.

I've booked the wrong hotel or Airbnb, and I should have done this instead, Like I hate sitting in that discount.

And see that was me on the holiday, and it was like a solo holiday by myself. I'm okay with that decision if I had planned that for other people, like my friends or family. I even get this when I am planning, like taking my friends out to dinner at a restaurant. If I'm choosing the restaurant, and like they complain about like how their steak is cooked or like the service was too slow.

I think that's my fault.

You take it on and I think that is the criticism.

Yeah, yeah, And then it.

Freaks me out because I'm like I always tell everyone. I was like, I'm sheep. I need to follow.

I don't want to lead, you know.

I think there's another rule about these decisions, right, other people's tattoo decisions. You have to just support the decision they've made. I saw this poem on Instagram the other day that I thought was very true, and it was like, be kind about the names your friends give to their children,

I noticed this about dating as well, like you can tell when your friend is kind of not interested in someone versus when they're obsessed with the person they're dating by how other people react to when they show them photos. Because like, if he's show a photo of like a random guy, and you're like, I kind of like him, it's a bit of a dick to me, then they're like, oh, I don't like his hair, I don't like.

This he's too short.

But if it's like someone else, it could be the exact same guy, and you're like, I love this man, and everyone's so cute.

He's so hot.

Yeah, he's amazing, he looks kind.

So I always appreciating Like that, always so good feedback.

I also I read something called the regret test, which I thought was really helpful, which was about there are so many iterations of this, but imagine yourself in ten years, which choice would minimize regret and which choice makes me proud? And it was saying that this is so much better than pros and cons, Like how when you look back in ten years, what I regret.

Not making this decision?

Because sometimes the decision is not making one and that's also one that you have to kind of live with.

Oprah says. We were talking about Oprah Wisdom on the show this week, and she says, if you don't know what to do, do nothing because like often, many things in life will sort themselves out, not everything, quite a few you will, whereas quick action can often be the mistake. The truth of it is, though you know, even with all this hat, haircut, tattoos, often it'll be the tiniest decisions that you make that will change your life. Did you get on the bus with that guy who turned

Whatever?

It is like, sometimes it's just the decision. You don't know a big you think the hats exactly, that's magical. After the break. Recommendations for something to read, eat and smell this weekend, including mine one, which is a piece about the greatest generation ever.

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Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something fun.

This is my best recommendation.

Out loud as it's Friday, and you know what happens on Friday. We give you recommendations of things to watch, read, eat, do whatever with, spray self with. I think perhaps Adam's going to do I forgot my prop.

Oh no, we're on YouTube, You're on you and I wanted to show everyone. Just pretend it's on my desk so I might take a photo and post it in the out Outers groupe. It is literally going to be everyone's favorite summer cent. So it's the away hair and body missed in the sense Saint Barts. I think they only have one cent so far in Australia. It's from Sephora. It's basically a body missed and it smells so good. It smells like a summer holiday. It's like coconuty and

I was gonna say, what's different, what's the difference really between a body? Miss? Okay, so perfume we go, yeah, yeah, but.

Because it's like so it smells really really good and it's so strong, I only go hair, chest, crotch.

Something, not purposely doing it there.

It's just like that's where like the rest of your body is surely yeah.

Yeah, got it? Like no, no, yeah, yeah, I'm sure there's something about like clothes.

On yeah yeah, no, no no.

It just smells so fresh and good. And I've been getting a lot of compliments on it.

Oh I like that from so Fara.

Well, I have a recommendation that's a little bit city centric, but I think there's an underlying principle which we can all adopt this Christmas.

Right.

I was speaking to a friend recently who's having a tough time. This is not a period that she's particularly looking forward to. They're having a Christmas but big emotional mental load and they just went, we're outsourcing and she found that Dinner Ladies does Christmas dishes and Dinner Ladies is this great. It's a Australian lady startup started in New South Wales. Really good for if you know anyone who is unwell or postpartum or whatever, great thing to

I think you mean that make it yourself.

Yeah, that make it myself.

It's not cheap, but that's because it's quality food. And if everyone pitches in for the catering. That's a good idea, which I know some families do a whip around. Yeah, and you know what, do it in place of a gift, just go you know what, we're not doing gifts. Everyone put in forty five bucks for food, and we'll just give each other the gift of not spending the day in the kitchen, because we know it often comes down

I've got an essay that is going to be very interesting to a certain portion of our audience, which.

Is in the New York Times.

And it's like one of those you know, like those interactive essays that have videos when you can scroll and things pop out, and it's called is Gen X actually the Greatest Generation?

I didn't click on that. I saw the headline. Now I was like, this is not any of.

My business, and it's all about Generation X. And it has collected together a lot of the icons, American icons obviously of Generation X for this very satisfying photo shoot that has everyone from Claire Danes to like Christian Slater and Amy Mann and Neve Campbell and Jennine Grufferlo and all these like Generation X icons in these really big photo shoots, which is great. But then the writer of this piece is a really big, serious New York Times.

Something about It's a cultural reference point by which it's like a color palette by which you see the world. And what's interesting is that we all have completely different ones.

Yeah, And because the technology that's available to you, the big cultural touchstones, of course they influence you. Of course it would be weird if they didn't. And gen X were some of the things that she says in this that there so good because it's basically about gen X creativity because The people who are all interviewed in them were some of the filmmakers and musicians, and it's about the iconic gen X albums and gen X movies, all

I love it.

Thank you so much for joining us, and do not forget that Saturdays are when Parenting out Loud drops That has Monique Bowley, Amelia Lester, and Stacy Hicks. New episode dropping tomorrow. Find it in its own feed by searching Parenting out Loud and tap follow so you don't miss an episode.

A link, as always, will be in the show notes.

And before we go, big thank you to our team group executive producer Ruth Devine, Executive producer Sashatanic.

Senior audio producer is Leah Porges, our video producer is Josh Green, and our.

Junior content producer is Tessa Kodovic. Bye bye, Mamma. Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we've recorded this podcast.