The Mortifying Ways We Tried To Get Our Exes Back

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Hello and welcome to Mom and Mia out Loud and to our Friday show where we just take a break from the news cycle and holy moly, wanted news cycle it has been.

Can we breathe out?

Today is Friday, the nineteenth of July, and I am Holly Wainwright.

And I'm Jesse Stevens. And this week, as of Wednesday, when we just made up this competition, we're running a Christmas in July gift from us. What we want you to do is regular write our social strategy.

Come on out louders.

I'd like it in a PowerPoint presentation or maybe designed it saying that someone gonna do that.

No, all you need to do is post weare you listening to Mummy out Loud wherever it is tag Mummy Outloud on Instagram. We want to see and the weirdest, most interesting place The agular winner prize, and that prize may or may not be signed copies of our books. That are women arms each of us right now, so true.

There on the show today, people are paying thousands of dollars to win back their exes. We give you a cheat sheet that you can then set on fire. Plus MEA's new passion project, a hair Confession, and an American horror show its recommendations time and the Best and Worse from our week, which include a panicked call from a teenager, a smug exerciser, and MIA's latest style reinvention. But first Jesse Stevens.

In case you missed it. An airline has made it possible for women to choose to avoid sitting next to men on flights. The Indian low cost carrier it's called Indigo, is the first airline to allow female travelers to see which adjacent seats have been booked by other female passengers. Men, on the other hand, will be able to see which seats are free, but not the gender, so women are

It was someone I knew or lived with.

Okay, so you're choosing. Let's say you're going for business, you're going on your own. You get on and you go which seat do I want to sit in? You decide to sit next to a woman instead of a man?

Well, leg groom?

Okay, you're using the generalization of men in height.

No, man's breading is a thing, and I'm resting, and it's not necessarily their fault. Some men have very big testicles and their legs need to be wide apart.

Some women but large flaps, and there need to be.

Well less women.

Clearly because so many men seem to have very big testicles and their legs need to be very far apart, and more power to them. But best that not infringe on my personal space.

Sales discriminatory, Holly, do you discriminate against men based on the side of their testimony?

No?

I do not, although when I flew to Manchester for my dad's birthday not that long ago. On the flight over, I was in the window seat and next to me were two enormous men. And when I say enormous, I mean like muscly enormous, like bodybuilder dudes with the very involuntary mad spread as described, and it was very uncomfortable. But what I thought about this when I read it is I was like, that is really sad that that has to be a thing.

I thought it was sad, no, because on the one hand, I get it, there are a lot of women walking around who have, in all seriousness, been the victim of some sort of sexual violence and sitting next to men can be scary. I get that. On the other hand, we are presupposing that every single man is a potential criminal.

That That's not why I said I want to do it, But that's what this is. That's what the safety.

It's about. Safety. Like the FBI have come out and said as well that like, instances of sexual violence on planes are high, have become higher, and that's why they do it in India to keep women safe, and that's what they think about it.

Like that, I thought about it more in the same way that particularly if you're on a long flight, traveling can be vulnerable because you're asleep, you know, essentially you're unconscious. Some people might be drunk. Don't recommend it, But my point is I saw it more as just in the same yeah, in the same way that there's a ride share company called Siba where if you prefer a female ride share driver you.

Can choose that.

But again, that's a good thing, but the reason for it is sad. How much would you pay to get your X back? Look, there are plenty of people listening to this who'd be like I would pay for them to have contact me please. But I learned this week that you can employ someone to help you win back your ex and the ex back coaching, as it's called,

Especially for guys that are needy. They're desperate. They're looking for any reason. Oh, she's liking my Facebook posts? Again, does that mean I call her and ask her on a date? Fucking no way. So they're liking your Facebook posts or even commenting on social media posts does not count as them contacting you. Do not engage in any

But now I rely on Gabriel to give me a.

Little remindsers and little preps as I go along the path.

And you start to dominantly focus on you and having this incredible life, incredible life.

The more you.

Are doing you, the less you are doing then the more they we fool the miss in you, and they will feel something has shifted because we are all energetically connected.

Yes, this is a shit. My mum told me at fourteen when I was jumped by my first boyfriend. This is not profound.

So all these people, how do they make money well. As Jesse beautifully explained on Wednesday when we were explaining TikTok to Andrew Take, social media is marketing. So these people get millions of views with their advice on these various platforms, and then people reach out and say can you help me? And they say, funnily enough, I can. I'll give you one on one coaching session for five hundred bucks.

Here.

If we want to add on text message coaching, yeah, my course, here's more by my book. Yeah. And apparently you know, the coaches are saying that there could be no more important way to invest your money. As coach Benny, who's one of the guys you heard there and who's one of the big deals in this space, says, think of the worst breakup you've had, would you try to solve it for the price of a PlayStation? I think if they're X said hey, give me a PlayStation and

Friends.

Most of this advice is play hard to get and work on yourself.

What do we think I want to ask? Is it ever a good idea to get back with an X, like, it's not they're an X for a reason.

I can think of a few examples in my life where there has been a small like a breakup that lasted a very short amount of time.

Shit which last of the year.

Your husband is your ex.

You're one of the people I was thinking about when because I.

Why don't I make these videos? Yes?

Yeah, you get your expack.

My general position is that it's never a good idea because all the problems you've got are still there. But then I was like, oh, but Maya did it?

And wait, Maya, how'd you get your X back?

Well, Jesse, if you do my coaching cass and watch my video with my YouTube ads in it, you too could get back with your ex. The thing is ole I watched and listened to none of these, But I just listened to those then, and no, that's true, I didn't before. There's a difference between the advice that the men give and the women give. So the women who do this coaching, their advice is basically, believe in yourself,

It's not. But to be honest, a lot of the men in this space say the same thing too. They say, go exercise, make yourself desirable, date other people, and then she'll want you back, which is not exactly rocket science, but you're right here that there are some very specific strategies to be employed, and I'd love to put some of them to you, Jesse and see what you think, because you know you're an expert.

Have you two ever got back with X's yes, just XX or actually actually other ones?

Was not a good idea, And in fact, you know what, when I did watch a few of these videos for this, a lot of them said, and this is how I got my X back. We're not together.

Anything, but anyway they always go. But it was my choice. No contact is very big, right. One of the OG guys in this space is a go I called Corey Wayne, and he did this big video like seven Ways to get your expack that's had like millions of views, and you heard a bit of him in there. He was the one who said, just she's liking your Facebook photos so very very big. Here is no contact, he says, walk away if they dump you. This is if they dump you, ye right, and never contact them again for

Do we agree with this.

One hundred percent? So the best advice anymore I can give you, I have followed it precisely. Never to do it's impossible to do. I was told you need to go no contact, and I was like, yeah, yeah, no I'm not texting.

Can I ask, is this advice? Like the market for these videos and courses and stuff, is it always people who were dumped? Or sometimes it's the dumper.

It's almost regret people who were dump It's.

Nearly it was probably were dumped. But I watched a few that were like, were you dumped because you did something stupid like cheap or and they will they tailor a bit there. They're like, you have to make her understand that you're very sorry. See him. But this guy would be like you state that. He's like, you need to absolutely put your intention out there. So you're like, I want to get back together. I don't want to be friends. Being friends apparently very bad. I want to

So you do say I want to get back together, if that's what you want.

See.

I think that this is capitalizing on literal addiction. And there's all the studies that you know, we've all heard about. I'm sure about brain scans and how they can tell that. It's like the dopamine centers. It's the same as drug addiction. So it's like the same as if you're an addict and someone offers you something, you'll pay any amount of

So what did you do?

Did you try anything.

Yeah, Yeah, there's definitely been some tearful phone calls where upon reflection, it was begging. Begging.

Begging is on the no Begging is very much on the no list for both men and women in these guys.

Weird because there's something about selling yourself to someone who doesn't want you, which is particularly bad for the ego, because I think that when you get dumped, I don't think you're chasing your ex. I think you're chasing your ego because it has been obliterated and you're just like to restore some sense of myself and my self worth. I need you back, which is not what you want.

Maybe that's part of your grieving process. That's the general restor.

You should have made it and then said it on fire.

Yeah, no, I gave it.

This guy says his vision for this is no contact, no contact, no contact. Then she or he whoever you know, is going to reach out to you and say, hey, thinking about you today, or how you doing, wondering how you doing? He says, at that point, you engage in no bullshit chit chat, two messages tops. You say, let's get together and have dinner. Like no, don't accept.

Any sexy even just the way you sit.

Yeah, He's like, don't mess around with any like, oh, you know, what are you doing? I'm just sitting around watching TV. He says this, and this is what you have to do. Make a dinner date. It's got to be evening. It's got to be at your house. You're cooking dinner together, because the idea is we're hanging out, having fun, hooking up. He says, you have to start again, so you have to treat it like a new relationship, no looking back, no credits for previous things. You're like,

That's it.

That's really sexy.

I want to get you. And we never even broke up.

Do we think this is good advice? I do a lot of pressure.

It is, and there is something that happens when a relation the way you.

Just saddle that.

I'm like, okay, that's what.

Okay, I'll come around.

I'll bring some fish.

I think the relationship, Yeah, there's something that happens when it deteriorates, where even I have dumped someone, the relationship is ended. They've been trying to do no contact on me. I don't want them back, but I still would like their attention. You have done that, and then you kind of put your line out to be like which is me?

Which is me?

It's really cral just checking and see if you're okay, Oh.

We're going to be friends. I still want to be friends because I like how you made me feel abound.

Oh I hope she's not swimming too far away. I'm just going to tug on that. I don't want to catch the fish, but I'm just going to tug on it.

I mean, most of my breakups in my life have not been like a someone was dumped. It's just been a kind of collapse, do you know.

What I mean?

The relationships just collapsed and somebody ultimately has to be the person to call it. But it hasn't been as clear as like you dump me dump So then you're on this like roller coaster of but we really liked each other, maybe we could just be friends and all that. And he's like, never ever agree to that. If friendship isn't what you want, then do not say it, because he's like, this guy is very much If you agree a friendship, you're going to stay in the friendship zone.

I think that's true because what my mistake was, I just gave all of myself freely, and they have untangled themselves from the relationship part, so they owe you literally nothing, but they still have your friendship. So whenever they want something from you, whenever they want the chad or to feel good or whatever, you can such other people exactly right.

So that's what happened.

When you gave him that, we actually did get back together for a short period of time worked.

I think that was a pathetic low point. I think it was actually when I tried the no contact thing, he came back, we got back together, realized that it wasn't working, and then I think I ended it. It was like being a mad person, Like what happened to my head? My sense of priority, my sense of self worth was so in the toilet, Like I look back and I'm just horrified by some of the things I did. I mean, clearly, the best thing is no contact. Go and I don't know, learn a language.

It's interesting about these coaches, right because from where I am now, that'll do it all my wisdom under my belt, et cetera.

Blah blah.

You were what twenty.

Five younger like nineteen?

So what the hell did you know? Do you know what I mean? And that is where these people step in, right.

Why these people have made that album.

But also this is why they're making all their money.

Had in my first baby twenty five.

Yeah, but like, even so you're nineteen, you're twenty or twenty one, what do you know about relationships really and how they work and and all that stuff. So that's why everybody's talking to these people because we don't know.

I just think it's for the same reason that sometimes psychics and fortune tellers know that the most common time for people to come to them is around a breakup. And I think that heartbroken people are really easy to exploit. I'm not saying that everybody does exploit them, but as you said, Jesse, you would do anything, like when someone breaks your heart, you would do anything to put it back together again, and you invariably think that the only.

Way to do that is getting back together with your ex.

Now, I would actually say that the best thing to do is to go to therapy to understand what just happened, to make sense of what just happened, And I think that's probably the best way to not get pulled back into something that Ultimately, if someone breaks up with you, they're freeing your future. I think you have to reframe it. They're freeing your future because they're saying you're not right for me. Or I'm not right for you for each other,

This was a few live shows ago.

But you were talking about how someone's seen got to know you really well, seen you naked everything, and gone.

I don't want that, No thanks.

I don't want it, and actually crushing worse than that. And as someone who's experienced it, is like if you then get back with that X who broke up with you, the torture of spending prolonged time with someone, you can see it in their eyes. They don't feel the same way about you. Maybe they're tolerating you. I like you anymore like that is more corrosive to itself.

I don't like that characterization of what breakups are, because of course it feels like that. But when you've done it the other way, right, you know, when you've broken up with someone, you rarely disgusted by them. It's rarely like I hate everything about you, You're awful. It just isn't right for you. And so I know it's such a cliche where just this time isn't right, this isn't the right moment. But when you're on the other side of it, that's usually how you feel.

You rarely are.

Standing looking at somebody in front of you and going you're just like, no.

I don't think that. That's what Jesse was implying then, that they're going vomitsh. I mean breakups are really I mean, hopefully they're not cruel. I mean sometimes people cheating stuff, but most people don't go, I think you're disgusting.

I don't want to be with you anymore.

I don't.

But what I'm arguing with is not that I'm not saying they're saying that, but that's even not what they're thinking.

No, but Ie, you're telling yourself.

I think what.

They are doing is saying, I don't want to be with you.

So even in the nicest way, it's like there's nothing more vulnerable. I've seen you naked, I've spent all this intimate time with you. I've seen you in your highs and your lows, and you know what, not for me. It's not for me, I know, lovely not for me.

But the point I'm making is that I don't think it's that simple. It's not that you're not for them. It's that you two aren't right for each other in that way I had anyway, it's nitpicking. I'd like to know if we think rules and games work right, because really, when I listened to all these I was just like, this is like the rules from back in the day, those dating books. I'd never call him, don't chase him. It's basically play hard to get and make yourself seem

Take us back, So back.

In the day when they broke up, they'd been together for quite a long time. He hadn't proposed. The media were being awful to her, wady katy, wady katy, when's he going to propose? And for a short term that he broke up, and that summer she suddenly was photographed out at all these clubs in Chelsea. She was looking gorgeous, she was wearing short skirts, she was.

Like laughing, smiling, she was rowing.

Yep, she was rowing. She was doing all these things that were like very look how amazing I am. And I'm sure she was probably having a hot girl summer, but it worked brilliantly. Right, do get games work? Because that I hate those kind of rule things. A. I'm not very good at them, like you, Jesse. I'm just like, if I want something, I want it and I'm going to just call it up and do it. I'm not very good at like denying myself. But do we think

No amount of game playing changes the unfortunate reality that the other person has this little thing called free will. And that's a problem with the game as well, is that people can pull all the tricks, but if the other person doesn't want you, you can juggle and stand upside down, But.

It comes down to why you broke up, and that some things are fixable and some things are not fixable. So I once read this thing called the ninety ten rule of breakups that most people after they end a relationship, not in every case, but it will often be because the person that they were with, they're like ninety percent of them and ten percent they just couldn't stand. So the next person that they go out with will be the ten percent.

Affairs often fall flash, Yeah, because you.

Chose the ten and then that's why it's a rebound, because you're really attracted to the ten percent that was wrong with your ex and this person has and then you realize that's not self sustaining, so then you go, oh, you know what, the ninety percent was actually quite good, and then you go back. So I think that's there are a lot of reasons there.

I'm thinking of a few couples I know who are married who kind of just before the marriage or significantly into the relationship, there was a hiccup where they split for actually one was a weekend and the other one was months and months and months, and it was about commitment. It was about a crossroads in their relationship, and both of them are together, are still together, you know, decades later.

I'm a firm believer that the most important thing in relationships is timing, Like it just is. It's not even compatibility. It's like, if you're looking to settle down in averted comments, you both have to want that. The classic sex City line about whether your lights on or not. Timing is everything.

I had a friend who Tolmy two helpful things if you're still pining over an X. The first is that the person that you want is not the same person who you were with. It's often a very because the person you are with actually liked you. This person, this version of them, isn't like that anymore. And the second is that you're not grieving them. You're grieving what you thought your future was going to look like, and it's not going to look like that anymore. And I thought

Do you know everyone's got that vision of themselves. I assume everyone to everyone who's been dumped at their most pathetic.

And for you, it's looking through the photo albums.

For me, it's sitting in my car outside his apartment, counting up the level of flaws to see if his lights on or not because he got back with his I was the interim thing he got back with, and then calling a restaurant that we liked to go to to see if he.

Had a booking with her.

Oh that's so and I used to do it every day.

I once I think I told you this story at a live show, which is a low moment in itself. I'll never forget the heartbreak of my ex, who I was so crazy about, and we were pretending we are friends. This is the problem with pretending you're friends. Yeah, I was staying at his house and sleeping on his couch and listening to him having really hot sex with his new girlfriend. That's through the wall.

I've never been more miserable.

In my life.

Actually, that reminds me of being on one of my coming back one of my phone calls where I was doing a little bit of the begging and hearing something in the background and going, oh, you're actually with another girl right now, right now.

Friends, you don't need a break up coach on YouTube. You just need us and each other.

We want to hear your stories. Out Louders, share your stories with us. Either send us a voice note, go in the out Louders Facebook group, will leave a little message for us on Instagram.

It's not fake.

His lighter is on, that's all what late men are like cabs. When they're available, their life goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light up. The next woman they pick up, Boom, that's the one they'll marry. It's not fake, it's dumb, luck Loud.

It's Friday out Louders. So we want to help set up your weekend with our best recommendations. And I don't think I'm going to go first because mine's a little bit self involved.

Holly, what do you suggest can we get stuck into over the weekend.

This is one of those recommendations I do all the time that I'm not sure it's a.

Recommendation, you know what.

I'm always like you might not like it, but I'm.

Bringing a good recommendation, luckily, but go HOLLI.

Okay. This is for those of us who are leaning into the American horror show at the moment. We've been talking obviously about the American election on the pop US this week. We talked about it on Monday and Wednesday, so I'm not going to go on about it. But if you are finding yourself obsessed with it, there are two things which and neither of them will cheer you up. Just to be really clear, neither of them will cheer

Will look like.

It's called Retribution. That gives you a little hint.

It's about Project twenty twenty five, isn't it saying.

It's hop line?

This is no man's land. This is where the bad guys are.

Who are these people?

This is an invasion.

We've been called murderers, baby killers.

We've all seen them.

Sha black men find it relatively admirable.

Is it clear President Trump wanted you to overturn the result?

In of course he did.

Donald Trump will go down as one of the greatest presidents in history.

If we don't lean as time, America's or terrifying.

So basically, Mark has spent months and got amazing access and interviews with lots of people who worked with Trump in the past administration and lots of people who want to work with him in this next one, and got all this insight into what's going on. If you're hearing the term Project twenty twenty five, I mean go and

Five twenty two Democracy is it's largely about replacing civil servants who aren't sympathetic to Trump, replacing civil servants in lots of departments like the Departure of Justice and judges, so that Trump.

Will have no obstacles to what he wants to do and what he wants to do. Their priorities are reproductive rights, oil drilling, which I mean he talks about all the time is just like drill, drill, drill, I'm going to drill like crazy, opening up lots of nature reserves to trash them. And immigration, mass deportation. So these three things, which you know, maybe you think they're good.

I'm not here to judge anyway.

If you want to know more, feel more armed, and also freak yourself out a little brilliantly reported. But if you really want to lean yourself into the freaking out on Saturday night, Brent, and this was terrible timing. Brent, and I watched a movie that is on Apple TV now because it is relatively new, so you rent it and I'm sure it will go to a streaming service soon. It's called Civil War and it was written and directed I think by Alex Garland, who you know did The

Sures?

Yeah. Anyway, this movie is very dark. It did get a cinematic release. It stars Cursed and Dunst and she's amazing.

Movie gets new.

She plays a war photographer who has been you know, all over the world documenting wars. She's like tough as.

Is it a period pigs about civil war?

No?

No, no, no no. It's an dystopian vision of like next year, right, So it's called a civil War and Kirstin Dunst is a photographer. The amazing actor Wagnamura who played if you watched Narco's.

Did you watch he played Pablo.

He's brilliant and he's really hot in this too. He was not so much anyway, he's the reporter. She's the photographer, and it's an unspecified future in America where America is basically having a civil war.

Handmaid's Tales start.

Follows Kirsten Dunt's character and Wagnamura's character as they try and travel from New York City to the White House where they are going to try and interview and photograph this charismatic dictator president. Oh my god, it is very grim, it is very tense. It is very well made. Kirstin Dunst is brilliant in it. And then I woke up in the morning to the news assassination attempt, and I was like, oh, so really good, but maybe not great

Might as well lean in.

I would like to recommend a hair roller.

That's good times.

I'll explain. I went to the hairdresser recently. My hairdresser, who is an out louder. Her name is Elle.

Hairdresser.

Yes she is.

She's the official hairdresser of the podcast.

She understands the assignment and she was teaching me this thing. What she said, what you should do is get a hair roller and put it in sort of the front of your hair and roll it up and then when you take it out, it makes it look like you've got a blow dry, you know how you can sometimes feel like the front of your hair is just a bit flat and just doesn't have a lot of shape.

Now you've got curtain bangs, and I don't.

I don't think that matters. I think you can still do it.

So it's just for the front part of your the front part.

I mean, people on TikTok deal with all of it. But who has big is the roller? I have just a medium size, like the.

Size of a toilet roll like that.

Kind of mine's probably a bit smaller than that because I just used whatever it had in my drawer, and it was from Kmart.

It was for I mean, whatever you had in your drawer. Who has vilcrow hair rolls?

I had one from a ten years ago that I didn't throw out anyway. So what I do now is get out of the shower kind of drive off my hair and then I put in my hair roller at the front. What's great as well as it keeps your hair out of your face when you're doing your makeup, So then I put some makeup on I take it out last thing, and it just falls and it just gives a lot more volume and it hasn't actually fall across your face rather than back, and it means I

In order to realize the other day, I don't have a hair dryer anymore. What I went looking for a hair dryer at home because my children needed to dry a hair and I couldn't find it, and I realized I don't have one.

Animal.

How do you get your hair dry from.

The part where you don't have a shower cap?

But your hair? How do you dry it?

Just wash it?

And I leave it to dry winter.

How often do you wash it?

Like once a second every second day.

I wash my hair at night or in the morning.

In the morning, then you've got to get in the car and drive and it dries.

Kidding you got so much hair though?

Has it dried? I get in the car with hair and by the time I've got to Sindy, my hair is dry.

Now we know why she's getting head eggs.

Oh my goodness.

Anyway, I probably need to invest in it because the hair dryer I was looking for. I was trying to remember when I bought it, and I bought it twenty years ago. I need a new hair.

This is why I'll bring it in. I'm very anxious.

This is why she's been cranky because she's wet hair.

She got a chill at the back of she's got a chill.

She's always ill.

Okay, who's got time?

I used my hair.

Daughter, that lives in your hair.

She also lets her hair hair driven.

How does Brench get his hair d anywhere?

Let's move on.

I what's your recommendation, Well.

Bring household.

I'm going to bring it back to my favorite topic, which is me. Now I have stopped riding on the internet. I've stopped wanting to write on the internet. I've stopped writing on the internet. But I also just don't feel really myself when I'm not writing. I don't know if you guys have that. Like we all began our careers in media as writers. There's something about writing. It's not an original thought, but I just I feel most myself when I'm writing. I also now I feel most myself

The subject line I didn't click because it was from you and I sing about Harry Pits you go on your arm pits out.

You'll have to open it. I know it's don't tell her, don't't, don't, don't tell her.

I'm not going to tell her. She's think I'm going to say open rate, don't. I'm not going to spoilers here about Jesse. When you read it, you'll recognize that it's a topic she's been trying to get us to talk about, and we won't talk about it.

So this is what's great because on this show we need consensus. It's annoying. And on my Babbel newsletter where I do the Sexy six and it's the place that I write every week, thank you.

I love it and I really like this invention of it, the Sexy six version. I really enjoyed it.

There's no way I voluntarily signed up to this. I don't know how I got on my mailing address.

That didn't you.

It's just a maya. You can't escape me and so out louders of course, hopefully you subscribe to the out Loud newsletter, which is a different thing. But this is me writing and being silly and showing my clothes, and I'm just enjoying it so much and I'm trying to grow it and I'm also trying to increase my open rate. So Jesse bloody open it. We'll put a link in the show notes and also just everywhere. We'll put links everywhere everywhere, goodness.

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It's time for best and worst. My worst is being spammed by me. I find a different worst. But this is part of the show where we share a little bit for our personal lives. Highs and loads of the weak. Holly, what's your worst?

Okay, my worst is controversial, so I'm going to speak in code speaking of things that sometimes don't make it onto the show. So this is genuine behind the scenes information, like we'll discuss every morning. We want to talk about this, we want to talk about that, and sometimes we'll go, oh, that's a good thing to talk about, but maybe we don't know enough yet, or maybe we should wait, or

I understand why. And she has seen on TikTok this very health worry, right, and she is like, mom, Mom, I've seen on TikTok that if I do this thing, I'm going to get cancer and die, right. And I'm like, baby, you're not You're not well.

It's all over TikTok. And I'm like, Mia told me to say this. I asked Mia what to do because as much as I take the pie out of her, she is quite good, does give quite good parenting.

I think, maybe why don't you give Auntie Jesse a call? Could have helped she would have wound each other up.

That's also true. And then she said, why don't you tell her we don't get our health information from TikTok, so our text, we don't get our health information from TikTok.

Correct.

So then she sent me a screenshot of Google.

Yeah, bloody too.

Smart, kept going and in all seriousness, this is one of the challenges, right of having teenagers who We were talking about it again today and Jesse made the very good point she's so wise this week. It annoys me that, you know, media used to be created for adults, you know, and now it's created for anyone who wants it in

You learned on the TikTok today, whatever.

You say, whatever bullshit you say excivity toilet and they're excivty toilet exactly, and then you're saying, what does that mean? And then they always struggle to explain that because the internet doesn't really make any sense, and then you know where. So anyway, my worst was that, But my best is also family related, which is I was saying last week and the week before I was winging about my headaches

Guess what feel so much? Hatter who knew?

And we had the best family weekend. We went and hunted out dumplings, which is our favorite thing to do in the world, and made the children go on a bush walk with me, which they didn't enjoy but personally I did. We saw wombats, we saw wallabies, we walked the dog. It was wholesome family stuff and I really really enjoyed it, and so my best of the week

I'm going to be there soon, so I'm very excit.

Look at that, my friend.

Anyway, that's me my worst of the week. I know we're sort of news free and I'm not going to talk about the actual news, but is needing to consciously uncouple from America again.

You've done a show job on this podcast, and so not watching Civil War won't be I have found myself.

Longtime listeners of the show will know that I went into an absolute hyper focus from about twenty fifteen to about twenty twenty one. Pretty much with the inauguration of Joe Biden. I shifted my focus away from America and American politics. So for a lot of years I co hosted a podcast about American politics. I was that into it. I was obsessed. I would spend like honestly hours every day reading things, listening to podcasts. It was my area

Yeah, why do you think you have such an emotional attachment to it given that it is the other side of the world.

There's a very good reason that we all do. And that's because everyone in the West has been conditioned by all the culture that we swim in, the soup that we swim in, that America is all of our overlord, right, so if shit's going down there, we consider that we are as they say of America sneeze is you know, blah blah. I think we've kind of decided that American politics is world politics, and it isn't. But then it also kind of is because they're so powerful, so influential, etc.

And they're an ally and what's happening, Yeah, could have ramifications for Australia.

Ironically, also growing up in the eighties, it's a genexa. I was obsessed with American politics when I was like in primary school because Holly and I lived through anil he said, the Civil War, the Cold War like another Cold War, and then Clinton no before the drama there was. I grew up very scared of nuclear war. Like around the eighties. It was Reagan and I think it was Gorge and I remember but saying my prayers every night.

That's just a spiraling at all. You're worst.

My mum and I are both spiral. Feel My best is I think I've mentioned it before.

I've been in a little bit of a clothes funk lately, and I've been thinking that there are two reasons for it.

One is that fashion has.

Had a big time of quiet luxury, which I've thought is really really boring. But if you see stuff enough like minimalist dressing quiet luxury, you know, I think I just wore sequence and all those bright colors so much I just got sick of it. So that felt to

I like it or carries back SI, have you been watching the Fashion Horse?

My worst very criptic, but basically I've talked about this before. But when you've got people in your life who are really struggling with their mental health and how it's a very specific type of heartbreak and we're talking about ex's, it's like you feel like you'd give all the money in the world just like make them feel better, and you can't to just make them feel happy. But my best, I'm going to be insufferable. My best is Jim chat so jealous.

Yeah, of my life, I'm failing at the moment.

So I spoke a few months ago about how I'd gone to Cairo and my back was like lesare and hips and blah blah blah. And I was speaking to a few friends and they've been saying to me for years, you've got to do your strength training. You've got to do weight training. I'm like, I can't see myself lifting weights. I'm not a strong person. I do my pilates, which I've always loved. But they said, no, it will improve your back, it'll take away the pain. It's good for functionality. Anyway.

I only like female trainers now. Also, I like them for thirty sad not load. It's not because I'm scared of that's not because I'm scared to relate.

Yeah, the reason I'm a woman was because years ago I got burned. But I want to see a man who was like, you need to eat more protein. You want to look like this, you want your absolutely to look like this, And then you'd have me with really heavy weights, and I was like, you're not understanding the assignment. I have a sore back and I would like it to be less. So anyway, she gave me this program, like she showed me how to do it all. And

So you don't have to see her anymore, but you feel like you go in there and you've got.

You know, I know what I'm doing because my worry was I'm going to go hurt myself. I'm going to lift something and I'm gonna do it roight. Yeah, But she showed me exactly how to do it, and I do exactly the same things, stretching and doing a bit of cardio or whatever I feel like, and I just feel fantastic and it's helping so much with like back pain.

So is it weight bearing stuff?

Like?

What is it?

So it's like, for example, I'll do like lunges or like shoulder presses and we're not talking heavy, we're talking about eight kilos.

So is it a bit. The machines, like the weights machines.

It's a lot of it actually isn't a lot of. It's just like getting a weight and doing a very specific There are these muscles between your shoulder blades which are really important for posture and keeping it, especially if you suit a computer a lot. Like I've gone to the gym and gone, I don't need a six mack, I don't need a big bottom. What I need is to stand up straight and not be in pain when I'm seventy or five so not good, and to feel great.

You know, it's interesting because obviously you're not there yet, but all the midwomen I know are obsessed with lifting weights now, not because they want for all the reasons you just said. It's about bone strength, body strength, being able to keep moving. It's not about like I want, Michelle Obamara, No, I love feeling strong.

And ten years ago or fifteen years ago, when I went and saw that mailpta end uphurting myself, it was all men doing weights right. And now you walk into the weight section of any gym and it's at least fifty percent women, and there's no men telling you how to do when you're squating wrong and blah blah blah like you just.

All that.

If you haven't been to the gym for ages and you got burned, try it again because the culture has really changed and feeling amazing.

That's all We've got time for my friends on this week's For this week's out loud see, I started badly, I've ended badly.

It's all right, out loud as next week.

I'll be better, will be better.

I promise I'll be able to talk and everything. But I want to thank you out louders for being with us today. Remember, as we said on Wednesday, follow us wherever you are. Follow us just in the app that's in your hand.

Get it to follow, Follow and also share where you've been listening. We really want to see.

Yeah, Jesse wants to know. And thank you to our brilliant team. This episode was produced by Emili and Gazillas. There's been audio production for Lea Porgees was so all on Monday.

Bye.

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