Hello, and welcome to Mola Mia out loud. It's what women are actually talking about on Friday, the tenth of April.
I'm Holly Wainwright Stevens and I'm m Burnham.
And here's what's made our agenda for this Friday. There's a hack to simplifying your life that is also the perfect excuse for lazy girls. Welcome to your Signature Everything Era.
Plus there's a new way to do your lipstick and I guarantee you're not coming.
To like it.
And the woman who discovered her boyfriend had discussed all his doubts about their relationship with chat gpt.
Oh, dear but first and vernon.
According to science, there's always according to science. But then I never do the step further finding out what the science is.
Science is a person. According to science, there's a specific type.
Of dance that men do that women find most appealing.
I've seen it. It's on bad Bunny.
Oh it's not that cool, I'm telling you right now.
Sorry.
So Haymi s Shenandy brought this to my attention. Our model enemies, our nemesia scientists in the UK have come up with a little video of this avatar dancing and it's meant to be very attractive to women. So I think they got a bunch of women together. This is what I'm assuming that happened. They got a bunch of women together and they're like, what's your favorite type of
dancing man? And one was like, I like hit movements, and one woman's like I like dance and they put it all in this avatar and he's just doing the most.
And is it sexy?
So what Hami Shinandy did was that they got together with their producer Jack and they all wore the same outfit with a paper bag on the head, and they all took turns doing a dance for thirty seconds, and they got five women to vote for who was the best dancer. Hamish was the one who learned the avatar dance, who learned the alleged like really attractive dance, and this is what he looked like.
By doing scientifically most sexy dance. But it's on me if I can recreate the sample that I have, what is running.
Man starts with, well, that's quite hot.
I like that that that circle work, arms coordination.
You can tell who's concentrating so hard even with a bag on his head.
The clapping is that hot?
Oh yeah, I hate when you're going to take someone out with that.
Yeah, yeah you are, you are. It's very it's very like man's pready.
Yeah, it's taking a lot little bit.
Yeah, you're right.
Do we like a man to take up space on the.
Dance and it becomes a performance.
Yeah, I've just realized that I mum danced my way through this. This is really mortifying.
Hamish nearly came last when these women voted. But I don't think like those kind of moves seem a bit aggressive for me.
Yes, show me you can do it from a seedy position. But what you like how you like a man to dance?
Shoulders, shoulders and like some gentle hips emphasis on the gentle Yeah, gentle.
Hips not bad.
Well, I don't want to be twerking, but then the guy next to me is a better t worker than me.
You don't want to be at work?
Do you want him to be reacting to your twerking? Not like that? In general? Like as he can give me some but like stay away from me, sir.
I think on a dance floor, men generally not always need to be somewhat neutral dancing Like, yes, I see what you're saying with the like this, and then coordinating with the hips. But if you're going too much, that is overshadowing the ladies, many of whom have spent decades in dance.
Class, traumatized on dance classes. And if you want to do the worm, do it once and you're done.
No multiple worms have to.
Be good at it. You don't have to watch you get.
Into a circle for you to be bad at the worm.
I spent last weekend camping with middle aged men. I saw the sprinkler yep, oh yeah, lots of robots like they don't know what they're doing, and much pointing. This is what a lot of middle age men do, a lot of pointing. The thing is is, when I was younger and I was clubbing and stuff I did used to think men who dance were really hot because I liked the abandon and the confidence that it meant, although probably in the era that I was clubbing, and also
meant they just take a lot of trucks. But they were like confident and abandoned and they were having a good time, and I was always attracted to that. But there's a line that the tip over where if they're expecting everyone to kind of like circle around them almost and make them the feature. Then that's you've tipped over into the not attractive anymore territory.
I find a man who can dance so incredibly sexy.
Harry Styles.
Oh so he's actually not the sexiest. To me, the sexiest male dancer isn't always will be Zaka Fron.
No, no, no, there is a scene he hits the water.
There is a scene in a terrible, i'd call it appalling movie called New Year's Eve, but there is a saving gray scene at the end where zac Efron.
Just has a dance hot and greatest showman. He's amazing.
But when I saw this Hamish, Andy and Jack dance, I thought it was very clever. For one that they all wore the same outfit. They wore Andy's outfit because Hamish and Jack's outfits that day were horrific. Yeah, they wore they wore shorts, and shorts would be an ick and that was very clever.
But none of their dancing was sexy.
And this dance that the freaking robot does is absolutely appalling.
Yeah it's not.
Face on it though, No, because zac Efron is quite he's quite technically skilled, like every now and then.
She goes into like a Michael Jackson move.
Do you think that if you were on a date with Ryan Gosling, this is something I think about a lot. Do you think that he would just suddenly break into like full la la la tap because that's hot. I can tap. That's hot.
Well while you're just walking to get your groceries and tap dancing Bruno mars He's a good dance of Bruno mars Is.
The sexy dance is the other one.
For people who say, like, oh, I don't really like fine men dancing hot Channing Tatum, give me five seconds of that that show that was.
All the sexy magic, the magic mic show. I don't pret.
You don't know what it's called.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Men who can sexy dance.
Just scientifically proven to be hot. Okay, even with bag on head taking notes, tick it off. No air guitar though, Brent needs to take notes on that. That's the other middle aged man is the guitar, and it looks very sexy only to me. To me, okay, moving on, I am going to change your lives with some very important information that I found out this week on a substack that's why we change lives these days, friends sign up to the mom and me are out loud. One this
woman called Shiera Gill. She is a world renowned organizational expert. She's written books about how to like streamline things, make fewer decisions in your life, be cool, be classy. Her vibe, her esthetic is very Gwyneth kind of beige. La your dream Yeah, like I would love this shit. I just I can't pull it off. But anyway, She wrote and substack about how we all need to adopt a signature
everything and it will change our lives. Let me explain, She wrote, we make roughly thirty five thousand decisions a day. I don't think I do.
No, I don't thirty five that's a lot, right, How can I make five?
And then you just go with the flow. Most of them so small, we don't even read just to making them, what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, which coffee to order? Da da da da. Collectively, they drain our mental energy, says Shira, before we've even started the meaningful work of our day. So she created this thing called the one thing rule, which means that you choose one good quality thing instead of five less well blah blah's going to simple five year life, and now she's got
this new one having a signature everything. She says, recently, I decided to take the concept of one good thing a step further with the idea of creating a signature everything, removing decision fatigue wherever I can. Some examples a signature uniform. So for Shier, that is jeans and a white T shirt, which is what Hamish and Andy and Jack were wearing.
It's kind of what I'm wearing right now.
It is it is. It is a hot signature outfit. I always think about Steve Jobs any signature outfit. I need to be more like that.
Yeah, signature outfit. Signature bag, she says. Shira says she has three bags that do all the jobs. She has a more crossbody for evenings, a mid size for weekends, and a tote for work days. And they're all from Selene. I did the maths. That signature is about ten thousand dollars. Oh, but I imagine one is allowed to do it in a less one percent fashion and just get but like three bags of different sizes that all kind of go together, and only those bags.
My signature bag is a backpack that my husband bought me on Amazon because he was disgusted by the state of my bag at that point.
But now this bag has rotten benin. Yeah, it's my signature.
Your signature signature snack, Yeah exactly. Now we all probably have these signatures without even thinking about them. Coffee order, drink order, tea we drink? Is it a signature?
Is just something you like?
I know I didn't agree that your coffee order is a signature. I think that's just the coffee that you like.
Well, yeah, but it is your signature because people know it about you. And then it becomes we're like, oh, Claire, she's such a Actually I don't know what yours is slat white girl.
I think, sorry, you think I can have a coffee? This doesn't have a little bit.
But also Shira says we should pick, we should extend signatures beyond those things. So a signature place to go, so if you've got something to celebrate, always go there. A signature gift, a signature menu if people ever come to your house, and even a signature workout. So basically, if someone comes to your house and you're always giving them the same thing. It's not laziness or predictability. It's your signature.
Well, it's kind of true.
Like they all get a tin of tuna straight from the tin we.
All share to everybody, so it's like the.
Garlic chili ones.
It's quite nice. I love that one. Is this genius in simplifying your life? Or is this a massive cop out?
I think that there is an element of it that is actually genius because it does cut out a lot of that decision making. However, some of them they do border on Actually, no, they don't border on ridiculous.
Because I think all of us do.
Have a signature of all of those things.
They're just not something that we're proud of.
So when people come to my house, my signature meal is takeaway.
Yeah, is it always the same takeaway though? Or is it like a takeaway of their choice?
No, chaos, can't make can't make a decisions. And then signature dessert and this I have to credit my partner for this. It is actually a block of dairy milk chocolate torn up and put on a small white.
Rust.
Really proud when he served it. Everyone likes it.
Absolutely. Motion control exactly and beyond your tuna I've got some signatures.
I've got a signature parking technique where it's a bit slightly away from the curve to the point where other car think I'm going to like try to redo it, but I'm like, chokes on you.
I'm getting out.
And if i'm if I come to an event with a group of people, they look at the car and be like you drive, didn't you? Yes, I'm like, yep, that's my person.
I must be here exactly.
I've started doing this thing where I have like a I wanted like a signature gift, but not something you buy. And I was like, maybe I should start making cards so I can.
Make personal I did this one time.
I started and I did one and it took two hours because you get too into it so you can want to add more. And now my car card is like five centimeters stick and it won't fit in them stuck like crafty things. Oh just only stick is Yeah, I'm not I'm not making mark I can't be handwriting stuff it.
No no no no.
So like I'm like, I did it in a way where if I give it to someone, they're like, oh, I did like a child make this like and be like yeah, I employed the child to do this for you.
I realized my house as a signature sent because I think that's important. I'm sure sheer would improve of a signature sent like a candle. Well, no, mine is move headline solutions. My house always smells of that. Somebody in my house has always been donated within the twenty four hour period.
Which is great because when someone comes over and be like, wow, my sinus is just all.
Cleaned up, just gone. My kids have a signature lunch box, which is a plastic bag. I think many years of lunch boxes, they get lost, they get manky, whatever. Now it's just your teenagers. Here's a sandwich in a plastic bag. That's very thoughtful signature. We have a signature Sunday night ritual in our house, which is swearing at each other over a mountain of clean washing. You've got to fold it. Yes, so those things are but I do think about this.
We do have some serious signatures. We In fact, we've got this questionnaire we're doing in the newsletter at the minute sign off if you want to see it, and it did have like your signature, dish your signature, drink your signature, or when you get when you go to a restaurant. I just think that putting signature in front of anything makes it sound much classier than it is. Right, it does, because is giving someone a signature gift, for example, thoughtful or just is it that really all about you?
So it's like your birthday's coming up, you're always going to get I don't know, a copy of your book, see whatever every year, just coming around, just every year, or a bottle of something or a block of dairy milk. And so is that reassuring because you'd always be like, yes, I know I can count on Claire for the dairy milk. Or is it like Claire doesn't even see me anymore? What do you know?
Because in my dreams, one day, I live in this big house and I have a closet that is just for gifts that I've pre planned, and I'm going to a friend's birthday and I go, oh, I'll go to my cupboard a gift couverard of dip tea candy.
That's all I ever want is a dip cand.
Oh my god, I don't know if you're signat gift was a dip te? No?
And like if you were really rich, they could be the really big ones. But anyway, the.
Little timy one candle.
And I think for kids as well, like if you if you had like a particular book that you just always gifted someone when they had a baby or whatever.
But the trap, this is the trap with having a signature.
Gift, is if you do decide to change things or your situation changes, it's really destabilizing. So I had an uncle, I mean I still have the uncle.
We have beef.
Because every Christmas it was cash, and it was a certain amount of cash, and I got really used to budgeting my summer relying on this cash. And then one year I guess I wasn't a kid anymore because I was thirty and the cash stopped coming, and I'm like, where's my signature gift?
That's fair, that's fair. I didn't like because how long can you pull off the signature gift for I know, I don't think it can be a signature gift, but I think it can be a signature gift giver.
Where your signature thing is being really good at giving really thoughtful gifts. I have a friend who is the best gift giver ever that whenever someone's birthday were like, we cannot wait for her gift because you know what's going to imagine the pressure so so good. But that's just like what she likes to do. She's like and
it doesn't always have to be expensive. It will be something like if you go to a house and you compliment like one of her prints, then she'll go to that printer, that designer and be like, my friend wants is for a birthday? Can you do something for her? And like it's very thoughtful. It's because she spends so much time thinking about it.
But if we could remember anything, we'd know what aneagram she was from last week's show. Yeah, because that is a high degree of people pleasing but in a good.
Way to help me.
Maybe she's probably a two because my friend one of my she's really good at gifts too, and she does what you say clip. When she sees a thing that she knows that you or whatever your kids would like, she buys it, even if it's nowhere near your birthday, Even if your birthday is in December but it's January, she'll buy it, put in a cupboard and then remember all the way through in December that she bought you
that thing. And I am in awe of that level of organization because every now and again, you know, I like to try to be Gwyneth, so I'll be like dehydrated citrus. I do have one of those machines. But anyway, the dehydrat is sit. And so at Christmas last year, I gave you a lot awesome dehydra that was your signature gift in a plastic bags together this far into the thoughtful gift giving, and then I was like, who has little jars? Who has pleasing little jars?
Well, no, that's your signature. That's really important.
That's true out louders in a moment, what are you telling chatchpt? And what if somebody else read it? I read a substack last week that made me completely rethink the way I'm using CHATJPT. I'm now terrified. The piece was called I Stumbled across my Boyfriend's chat cheept and It Ended Our Relationship by Lindsay Hall. Excellent headline, Lindsey, and it tells the story of how she was on the lounge with her now ex boyfriend and she needed to borrow his laptop, so she had been on her
phone doing some work. Phone runs out of that tree. She needs to finish this last thing.
Open his laptop.
You know, if a story starts like that, you're like, oh, things are not going to hand.
Well, opens his laptop and it's already opened to his Chatjept and she notices in the sidebar a past chat titled relationship issues and uncertain Do.
You click on that?
Do you click?
If you see that in your boyfriend's husband's search history right there, do you click on it? That's the first question that is thrown up by this excellent story.
I think I now have the self restraint that I wouldn't because I know how badly it would.
And it's like, what, I don't know, Clay.
And you've dated, you've done some dating A clicking on that?
There have been relationships in my past nine hundred percent would click on that link even if it wasn't in my face.
I would look for it.
I would search it in the search bar. Is it going to break up with me? And there's also been relationships where I wouldn't click on it because I've been secure in that. Yeah.
See, I think I'd be like, oh, mate, you got too much toil on your hair.
I think that's my theory about snooping, because in general, I'm very anti snooping, like going through your partner's phone, and I genuinely think you never find anything you want to know. But if you if you feel like you know there's something going on, whatever it is, and you need evidence for it, that's the only time to snoop. And I feel like Lindsay must have somewhere had a little tickle in a tummy going like you it's your phone has run out on purpose. There's no there's no accident here.
Because I think for Lindsay it was about the cats.
Because tell me more.
For Lindsey, she had three cats, and the central tension of their relationship that had been going for five months was that her partner was like, too many cats.
Three cats. There's a lot of cats.
It's a lot of cats.
Like, no offense to all our lovely cat loving audience, but three is a lot.
Yeah, And the tension had been around creating mess and chaos and just too much, too much cat energy, and so.
She thought that's what it was going to be. So that's why she clicked.
She's like, I need to hear yeah thoughts about my cat, about my cat, little Lucifer. I know he doesn't like it.
I want that level of security, whereas if I'm going to look into something that says relationship problems and uncertainty, I'm like, oh, that's about the cats. Can't be about anything else, I know.
So, but then she clicks on it and the first thing she sees is chat GPT's response, from what you're sharing, you should consider ending the relationship. And she's like, I don't think this is about the cats. I don't think it's the cats. So her then boyfriend had asked, should I be in love after three and a half months. Further down, he'd written, well, the cat's definitely, and then there's the whole attraction thing.
Oh and later he had said she was too petite to frail looking.
He basically criticized her physical appearance, and then later he had typed, I'm just not proud of her. And she writes in this article, the fact this was on chat chpt in its own way made the whole thing feel even more grotesque and surreal. It was like accidentally reading someone's diary, except the diary was a fucking robot, predisposed to agree with him, ready to take his cruel thoughts
and shape them into something that sounded reasonable. So she confronted him, he said it was more nuanced than it looked. She ended up dating him for a little bit longer, but she said basically, once she could not unknow what she had seen, she couldn't unsee it. So she also says that you always suspect that the people that you love find you a little bit annoying at times. They
probably don't always have the most charitable thoughts. But she says it's another thing entirely to read the actual transcript.
Yeah, that's really because when I read this, when you shared this with me, I was like, in some ways, my first instinct was to defend him, And I don't really know why, except that I think it's probably that we all know that we have inner thoughts about the people in our lives that you know, it's probably best not to voice out loud because it wants you do. It's a bigger deal. And men are notoriously bad at
intimate relationships with friends. So there's a world in which you could be, well, he's telling he's talking to the robot about his relationship, rather than saying, well, there's the attraction thing to like his mate or his sister or you know, somebody who then forever that would be frozen in their mind.
Yeah.
You know how you've probably got a friend or someone in your life, or maybe you've done it where they've told you things about their relationship that you can't forget, but the relationships moved on, and you're like, but I thought you thought that she was.
I have so many of it. It was probably just.
A moment in time, right, and that he was just voicing his insecurities or his worries or his thoughts about her at a moment in time. But so my first instinct was to be a little bit defensive of that and think like, well, he's just talking to somebody about his doubts and we all have doubts. But then I just thought about how you could ever come back from seeing in like cold hard type to the robot I'm just not proud of her, and how you could ever come back from that.
I know. But then you think, I was thinking, you go to a psychologist, that it's bound by confidentiality, And the difference is that you can say to a psychologist, I'm you know, I've got the ick.
Is it a haircut? Or is it the end of my marriage?
You can say all those things, and a psychologist has the added benefit of being a human being who has your history and knows has has an emotional sense of what's going on for you and can maybe say.
You can actually get.
Past an ick or can talk you through these things and say that all everyone feels uncertain from time to time, Whereas it seems like and this has been a big criticism of chat j apt that it's very it really sides with you, it really reaffirms great idea.
Yeah those cats sound awful. Yeah yeah, split ends yeuh yeah.
I think it depends on how you view your own relationship with AI. Firstly, I do think everyone needs to invest in a journal. It's very money, very well spent.
But what if so nobody he reads it?
And that's the thing.
So I think think of this situation equivalent is this, did she basically read his journal when she.
Well, I actually don't know, because I think before AI, the situation would be like you would see this message like what you said whole he would message his friend about it, and you'd be really angry because now you brought this other person into our relationship, or he'd tell a therapist about it, and you might be a bit proud that he's actually trying to talk about this in a professional sense or he did it in his diary, and then everyone has mixed feelings about that, and I
think we're all trying to while we're experiencing our own relationships with AI. Everyone has very different opinions on this specific story because I was also reading the comments, and everyone split some like I personally think she betrayed his trusty by reading it, and I was actually when because towards the end of her subset, she said she left him and then he came back apologizing and they got
back together. And in my head, I thought he'd be equally as mad at her for reading it because someone read my chadchbt.
Oh oh my god, they think I was.
It depends, I reckon whether or not you get to be really indignant about your privacy being betrayed. Depends on the level of what they've found out. Do you know what I mean? Like, if somebody read your diary and you were talking about the affair you're having with their brother, right, this is not a story taken from my real life or my real life, But then you can't be the one who's on your high horse going But you read my diary when they're like, yeah, but you're sleeping with
my brother, do you know what I mean? But if it's why can't I but well you can, my diary probably not going to win that argument, you know what I mean. Whereas if it's a lower level, like personally to your point, and he's just pouring out what he might pour out to a diary. But the thing is the diary isn't talking back to him.
Yeah, but he hasn't actually done anything wrong. And I think when people have these kind of conversations with AI, which a lot of people are now treating it as a diary without even meaning to, it always starts off with like a Google ball question. So his first and if your question was is three point five months too long to not be in love? And then I looked it up in Google and Google says it is normal to either be in love or to not be in love. And then if he googled that before AI, then he
would have been like, Okay, that's fine. But because we have a chat GPT robot not only giving us an answer but also also wanting us to explore more questions with it, you just go into this endless spir I.
Totally an American chat GPT almost facilitates rumination because sometimes I ask a quick question.
Because it wants to keep you on. Yeah, it's murdus, and I like a social media platform is to keep you talking.
Yeah, so my I looked at my summary summarison my chats because I thought I went quite personal with chat japer tape.
Turns out I don't. It's just rogue. I looked up.
I was looking up unexplained bruises causes, literary boys names.
Not finding finding any dirt on rabbit bite care advice I did get in my rabbit id.
Okay, okay, I have lots of questions freaking weird literary boys nay.
I wanted a boy's name that sounded.
Okay, not help. Also, when you get bitten by wrappit anyway, I'm getting.
Rapped if I got if I got a an infection, am.
I going to turn into a rabbit tupe Here it is giving a little snapshot of your life, no.
Question, exactly of the state of my brain. And it really does keep you on there every time I ask a question, because it currently my chat ticker TA currently thinks that I've just had PREMI twins, but I'm also do with a baby, and.
So it's very because it's a robot that seems fine robots, I definitely do that.
I'm asking, like, what's normal for twenty five weeks and it's like you just had to and I'm like, it's true.
But it does.
It asks you questions to keep you on there, and there are things where I might just need a black and white answer, as black and white as any answer can possibly be, and it does kind of keep asking and asking, which makes you think about it more. But I was thinking, imagine if you were somebody with severe post natal depression and you have the darkest, darkest thoughts that you would never ever want anybody to know, And that's why you see a psychologist because there is confidentiality.
But it is really scary to think that there's a record of that, and there's a record of thoughts that you come out about your baby.
It's not private, it's not entirely private, and that's so true, and that's why there's lots of there's a lot of ethical concerns about like where when should chat GPT step in whatever that means and alert somebody. I want to know what your robot would think about you and what kind of thing are you treating your robot like a therapist? Oh?
I remember I did like a bit of a I did one of those summary things. I'm like, based on everything you know about me, what can you tell me about myself? And I was like Emily Vernon loves to be held accountable for her action.
What you're like, No, I don't.
She sometimes struggles with dating, especially knowing what his message back.
Yes, because we talked about this on a previous show. You get your robot to write your messages now, Okay, So do we think that at that Lindsay who wrote this excellent essay, should they have broken up based on his chat history and all we know about it? I think they should just knowing.
That you wanted to click into that, I feel like you should have been like, I do think.
That they're a marriage, that there would be happy marriages where people have thought worse things about each other.
Yeah, I think that's definitely true, and that you're on a roller coaster and often, you know, people always say that the secret to not getting divorced or breaking up is that neither of you wants to at the same time but same time five months in if you're googling all those doubts, like doubts are normal, but there has to be some good stuff. Was he good? Did she just not include the where he was googling? Is it usual to be so obsessed with your girl?
So she kind of made that point that there wasn't a lot of flattery. Oh, I guess you don't need chut JPT.
For the flattery.
Yeah, you need to understand using all your tokens. Yeah, pesky. There is a new beauty trend and I don't even know what to call it, but they called it the almost ready look. And what you do is you smudge your lipstick. Sounds basic, it's actually quite hard. I tried it. So four or four twenty twenty six fashion show models were seen sporting a red lip. However, their lipstick looked very interesting because on their top lip, on one side, it was smudged up, and in the opposite direction, on
their bottom lip, it was smudged down. I was calling it the clown cheek that way.
So you're going to do.
It right as if they go like here like up on your face, yep, and then on the other side you can go down right, am I doing it right and then it looks a bit like you've just been kissed.
Tell the rob.
Yeah.
So basically, the team behind it said, we wanted a character and a narrative about someone who started their day ready but couldn't finish everything, which like, come.
To my house, professional, professional makeup looks absolutely flawless.
Exactly, I need to look at my.
Are you fixing it?
Holly's fixing hers to make it look neater, which I don't think is the point.
I think it's like a bit. But I've noticed Hailey Beaber has been doing this. So what they do is they get like not as chaotic as like half up, half down, but they get a lip. I can't take you serious.
This is why if you're watching her show on Apple Podcasts, which you can now, you can see that I look very professional right now.
I think it's it's French, which is I've been out all night. I'm still hot, because of course I am, but yeah, I had some drinks.
Yeah, like that's the vibe and like what you do?
So and the thing is I have roseasia. So the more I rub it off, the redder it gets. So the more smudged it look.
They didn't account for that.
But what I've seen the actual influencer girls do is that they use a lip liner and then they gently smudge the lip liner.
Like it's like blurred.
It's like a blurred lip and that looks much much better compared to what we've just done to our faces right now.
Do you think? Right? Because when you saw when you see the images of this particular fashion show, and it's very exaggerated, So the cool girls are just doing it subtly bleeding their lipstick out, so it's got this rough edge that's apparently very cool. But do you think that the whole like everybody's wearing their lipstick like this now and it's just like like all over the face like this. It's just a Tenson economy, right, It's just like we
need someone to write about the fashion show. They're not really expecting me to go out like that, are they? Well this or is this not really really it to me anyway because I'm not a model?
Well, I think this is the problem with all beauty trends is that they're like, look, she has lipstick go over her face and still looks perfect.
And it's like that's because she is the most ridiculously beautiful human I've ever seen.
So it's like, yeah, imperfection only works when the rest of you is perfect. It doesn't work on me where it's like your lipstick's much, so's your scar, so is your eyebrowp here?
And your hair's greasy and what are you wearing.
One of my most horrifying memories is that when I was young and I was at UNI. Well it wasn't unique because I didn't go to UNI famously, but it was college let's call it that. There was a Halloween party and only me and my friends went and costume. What did you wear? I had painted my face white and I had like a red lip that them was like all bleeding down here like this, And so we got there and everybody was like I was just like I'm being cool, Like my makeup just smudge. Pity my
poor friend, like this is the party. And my other friend had just gone as a ghost, but underneath she was run a really hot black cat suit because she was that girl. Yeah, she ripped it off through the sheet off and she was really hot. And me with my red lit steel all the way down here and I was like, I'm.
Robert Smith from the Cure. Everyone's like, why do you look like? Everyone's like, what are you doing?
You're like, it's Filloween.
They're like, well, why are you scary?
After the break? Our best recommendations to set you up for the weekend.
Vibes, ideas, atmosphere, something casual, something fun. This is my best recommendation.
It's Friday, so we want to help you with your weekend having some downtime with our very best recommendations. And honestly, you're winning the recommendation game at the moment, and I'm not. I'm not into I'm so behind on following M's recommendations because I just.
Do nothing else.
It stresses me. Yeah, how long my list is? Go and yours.
I took myself to the cinema to watch a new movie called The Drama Dying to hear the best thirty dollars I've spent I reckon thirty dollars?
Can you believe that?
Also for a second, can we talk about cinema etiquette?
We definitely can.
Yeah, Okay, couple behind me, couple next to me, yappers. The guy behind me from the get go like he sits down and he's like, oh, I thought these were going to be reclining seats. He's like, look how small they are, and they were really nice seats, and then the whole movie he's like, when do you reckon?
We can leave?
These seats are hurting.
Oh my god, that guy. And then the lady lady next.
To me, we were sandwiched between her husband. She just had all these snacks that she then dropped for the movie to spend like at least five minutes picking up all the snacks and then going, oh, for fu sake, tropping them again. And then she's like, Ron, what's going on. I don't understand what's happening. And I'm like, this, we're in a shared space.
People don't understand how we all paid, like we all paid thirty dollars to be here dollars.
Maybe it's because people are so used to watching stuff at home that if they just don't understand how to be in public.
And they're like, can we pause? I need the load and tell everyone what the drama is because I'm dying to see it.
But so it's such a good movie. It's a really really good movie. It stars Zendaya and Robert Patterson.
And no one really needs to know anything.
So hot they play a young couple who are about to have their wedding. Her name is Emma, his name is Charlie. And if you've watched the trailer of this movie like me, you must be very excited to see it because there's a huge, huge spoiler that we all kind of knew about in the trailer, and I wanted to watch them. That's why I went to see It's so hard.
Did tease it in the trailer because I don't think I have seen the tailor. You're obviously going to tell us the spoiler, but how do they like?
So in the trailer, what happens is that Emma and Charlie. You see them being like this very happy, good looking, fun rich couple. They do one of those dinner tastings before the wedding and they invite their best man and maid of honor, who are also a married couple. And then that couple said, before our wedding, we told each other the worst thing we've ever done.
Oh no, And they all go around no, no, no, no, save that shit for chat GPT.
They all go around the table saying the worst thing they've ever done, and then Zendaya's character Emma says the worst thing she's ever done, which we don't know what it is, and then so it jumps cut you don't know what it is, and then the trailer just shows all of their reactions and they're all like, what the
fuck are you actually serious? And then the trailer and the movie just goes into this big spiral of Robert Patterson's character Charlie just completely spiraling over what she said and whether or not you can and it just like has this big question whether you can get past it, where you can get past it, because it's kind of like, have you just found out that the person you're marrying isn't who you thought that who you thought they were?
Kind of and I love that the thing.
She did is not very black and white. It's a very gray area thing. So you come out of the cinema talking to the person next to you going would you have stayed? Would you have left? And it's just it's just very very interesting.
Is it kind of ARTI or is it kind of rom comedy? Like what's the vibe?
It's a bit Artie in the sense where it does that thing where their imaginations play a bit wild. So something that is happening in the movie isn't actually happening in real life, so it does a lot of jump cuts. You don't really know what's real what's not. But it's very linear, it's very easy to follow. It's also a dark comedy, so there are some really funny, like laugh out loud moments scenes, but it was very cleverly done. The only thing I will say is that it's definitely
his movie robility. He's amazing in it, which was confusing to me because you have Sandea, yeah, but she like I don't think they really used her to a full potential in this movie, and I think I wanted I would have liked some more scenes with her in it, but it's definitely about him spiraling over what she did.
Do we like Robert Pattinson in general?
I think we do.
I really do.
I think this movie cemented it for me, and I think.
He takes a piss out of himself, which we really enjoy.
He has managed to pull himself back from like sometimes those kind of early movie roles can define you the whole Twilight Year.
But he's like, Twilight was terrible, and it's like, on the one hand, it was a long time ago.
That's the only way you have your career. On the other hand, it's true, and.
Then I think he's around it again. He likes the Twilight. He brings it up quite a lot in interviews. But the drama out in cinema is everyone watch it, like, don't look up spoilers, do not do it.
One quick question for you me, I only have time to see one movie at the movies.
Oh yeah, do this one.
This one.
Hail Mary, Hail Mary, Like.
This is Taylor to me.
The only thing I think for you the drama. And it's mainly because like it will be spoiled, because everyone wants to write these big essays about.
It already the internet's already yea, but I still want to see it.
Oh it's just so so good.
Okay, I want to see it. My recommendation is very different and very duk. So it's called the birth Keepers podcast and it's by the Guardian Investigates. So, as I've said before on this show, I love a mini series.
They've been very popular in podcast recommendations. I know everybody got behind Hometown Boys. Yes a minute, No it wasn't.
But sometimes you just need a mini series that you know it's it's going to end, so that you can you can get into it but not have to commit to another weekly show.
Because you're satisfying.
Yeah, because you know you've already got this weekly show.
So it's a podcast that's it's actually called Off Duty by the Guardian investigates. But this is season five and it's a six part mini series and it's about the Free Birth Society, which was a Facebook it still is a Facebook group of podcasts, and it expanded into coaching and courses and it promoted wild pregnancy and birth, which is essentially no medical involvement whatsoever, no blood tests, no scans,
no hospitals, and really like demonization of healthcare professionals. And with their courses, the Free Birth Society trained what they called like traditional midwives, which they then couldn't use that term because it's protected.
Or birth keepers.
And the idea was this is what people should be doing, which is just encouraging and mantras and all of that and no medical.
Trith This already sounds fascinating.
Yes, So two journalists worked on a year long investigation into the impacts of this movement on mothers and babies and communities, and it just goes to show the dangers of misinformation and how when you are marinating. There are so many women who say, I listened to every episode of the podcasts that have been going for years and years and years.
They listen to every episode they read.
The two women who sort of run it read all their work just listen to so many birth stories that when it comes to theirs and there might be an emergency, they're just so almost brainwashed about what to do. And the other thing I found fascinating about it is that it goes into the dissemination of this information and how it's a little bit infiltrated different areas and you see content online and you might read things, and it is
this free birth vibe. And obviously homebirth completely like there's all sorts of research about homebirth and who it's appropriate for, and it's appropriate for many, many, many women. And the difference between homebirth and free birth is that it's when somebody chooses to give birth without the assistance of any healthcare professionals. And in many cases, for this society and for this this the ethos around this was you avoid
hospital medical intervention at all costs. But I realized in listening to this that I had internalized some of the free birth messaging. There are all these like mantras that you'll see about your body knows what it's doing, and trust, like trust that your uterus will put your baby in the right position. All this stuff where once you've been through it, you go hold on. That's not medically true and there are medical emergencies that are not your fault.
So I was obsessed with this podcast. Trigger warning it's probably not appropriate to listen to if you're pregnant for some reason.
I'm a weird.
That's very that's a very classic yeah to do. I appreciate it.
I was trying to tell my partner about it and he's like, can you stop? This is really distressing, but highly recommend questions investigation.
So it's from the Guardian, But if you're going to find it, you're going to find it an off duty.
It's called Off Duty Season five. It's called The birth Keepers.
I've got a book. I think I feel like I'm finally reading again because I was deep in writing for most of the summer and for whatever reason, sometimes I just can't read when i'm writing. Even though that is not good advice. We all know. Every writer knows you've got to read and read and read it makes you writing better. But sometimes know.
All the fancy writers say that they don't.
Oh really, but I felt like it stopped me from reading a lot of books I wanted to read. And now I'm getting through them and I'm feeling it's great. Who knew reading great? Love it books? Fabulous? Anyway, just anyway, Claire and I went to Newcastle Writers Festival the other weekend and I was on a panel with a writer called Kate Milton Hall, who I'd known about for a
long time but I had never met. And she had written a book called The Hiding Place that came out a little bit after my book He would Never last year, so I think it probably came out in the spring. Yeah, let's say that. And I had avoided reading it because it sounded really really like my book He would Never, and she had avoided reading He would Never because it sounded a lot like The Hiding Place and spoiler alert. Writers are insecure weirdos, so we're all like, I can't
possibly read that book. It might be better than my book whatever, blah blah blah. Anyway, then of course we both ready to the books to do the panel. The Hiding Place is so good. It is so good. And if you did read my book and you liked it, you're going to love this. And if you haven't read my book, then you should read it. But you should
also obviously go may the book. But it's the reason why we thought they were similar is it's the premise is similar in that The Hiding Place follows this group of friends and family, actually some of them are related from Melbourne, who go camping together every year. So that's also the premise for He Would Never is that this family, this group of friends go camping together every year. But
then you know, it veers off in different directions. But the thing that is so great about this book, so this group of friends, what they do is they get together and they buy a disused mining town, which is something that you see like literally advertised on the quite often is there'll be some tiny country town that isn't really a town at all, but maybe a pub and a few old cottages that now is land for sale.
And this sounds like a start of a horrmone exactly.
And so in The Hiding Place, this group of friends and family and they've got lots of little kids and you know, various relationships. Scenario is going on here, and they decide to get together and buy this town it's really just a pub and whatever and lots of beautiful land and turn it into their idyllic, you know, off grid, free range parenting ideal, Right, And each one of the
group has a slightly different idea. One of them wants to use it to plant a crop of maybe quite hallucinogenic plants to make a lot of money, one of them thinking maybe it can be an eco retreat. One of them wants to rewild it entirely. They're all. The thing that's so delicious about this book is it really
skews that kind of Australian middle class. Like there are other someone brings glow sticks and someone else's like, you can't because they're not biodegradable, and someone like the other blueberries organic and they're like, we have to pay respects to the traditional owners.
But you know, and they're like, maybe we shouldn't have gone into business to go exactly.
And then on the first night something calamitous happens. Right, This is the setup for the book. It is such a good book and she has written it. It's so fast. It's one of those books that you can tear through. It's set up very much like a crime novel told from different perspectives. It is just great. I just absolutely loved it. Disappeared into it. It's called that and it
has this really weird It's beautifully written. She's a very good writer, but it has this really weird, sort of sinister lines through it, with this weird animal that's stalking them and stuff. It's great anyway. It's called The Hiding Place. It's by Kate Milton Hall and I thoroughly recommend it. But I'm going to throw in an extra reco I won't talk for long. It's really quick. Regular outlouders will remember that. Last year Jesse, I think recommended Last One Laughing UK.
She's watching it again now.
Yep. Yeah. So The Last One Laughing is this comedy setup show where they put all the comedians in a room and they have to try not to laugh. The new season of the UK one is out now. It is so funny and I'm watching it with the kids and there is nothing. Even though a lot of them are quite rude, like the Es. My kids are teenagers,
so it's fine. We love watching it as a family and we are all just dying laughing and you know when it's just the pleasure of laughing till his stomach hurts, and it's got Bob Bordemerone who won it last time. He's come back to defend his title, and then some other fantastic comedians. I love Dian Morgan, She's kunk, you know that. Un yes, yes, yes, anyway, So if you need something to laugh at, find Last One Laughing UK Season two Absolute to die for short episodes. I'll shut
up so good. That is all we have time for on this Friday show and this short week. A massive thank you to our team. Just a quick reminder that the newsletter, the Mom and Mia out Loud Newsletter, goes out every Saturday morning without fail, but also through the week just sometimes just dropped little treats, little essays, little updates, that kind of stuff. So sign up if you haven't the links in the show now and it's free. It's free, and we're also all the hosts are doing this questionnaire
at the minute. There's a big rundown of lots of us, a lot of questions, favorite things, recommendations, So go sign up and recommendations will be coming out of your ears.
And it's Holly's beautiful writing, so straight to you're in box.
Very convenient.
Bye, Mamma. Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we've recorded this podcast.