No, I Won't Be Nude At Your Wedding

You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.

Mama mar acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to Mama Mea Out Loud and to our Friday show where we take a big break from the news cycle today friends, It's Friday, the fourteenth of June, and I'm Hollywaynwright. And if you missed Monday's app this week because it was a public holiday, we released a subscriber episode for all of our listeners about intuition. How do you know when you can trust your gut?

I'm mea Friedman And on Wednesday this week we had one of the great shows.

I really enjoyed it.

We talked about the return of the lad mag We had to explain to m the difference between a.

Coffee time a bit of an e grageration, and.

We also unpacked gray rock theory, which sounds like not biology. What's the one with minerals geology? Geology? No, No, it wasn't that ology. It's actually I like to call it the gray rock technic, which I have been adopting every day since because it can really help you in conversations, especially if you have to do with psychopaths, narcissus, or people who are very shouty.

Why are looking at me when you're saying psychopaths.

Because I'm actually thinking all of those things to describe me. So I'm projecting to listen to any of those episodes about any of those things as a link in our show notes.

And I'm m Vernon. I'm filling in for Jesse again. I'm also on our daily entertainment podcast A.

Spill on today's show why are People So Furious with One handsome, cheating Christian Husband? And our recommendations, which include a now iconic Ossie comedy, A Single Woman's Fury and me as New Obsession, and our best and worsts, which include side Friends, contagious Bleeding and influencer A I mean influenza A influence.

Yeah, I mean I'm the influencer A influencer.

But first, M Vernon and Katie missed it.

A groom is fighting with her sister because she doesn't want to attend his wedding in the nude? What so A Reddit uses post went viral after the sister of the groom to be bad or in what I would describe as an exposed family.

Matter, oh, I see what you did there?

Do you see that I was expressing a laugh and I got a.

I hate I know you do.

So, she wrote, whatever consenting adults do in their private lives is none of my concern, and that extends to my brother and his fiancee being naturists. However, I do take an issue with them being angry that I won't attend their wedding. So she went on to say that the wedding and reception is taking place at a naturist resort.

So nature ists are nudists, right, Yes, people who like to be naked. Yes, And they met at a naked resort.

They met at a naked resort, so there's some significance of having the wedding at the resort. His sister tried so much. She was like, she asked them, can I wear normal wedding clothes? And they were like, no, like the rest of the resort, you have to be nudes.

Off.

She even said I will pray for another reception, which just made them more angry. She said, I'm not comfortable being nude in front of a large crowd of strangers. I am definitely not comfortable walking up the aisle arm in arm with the groomsmen I've never met, and we're both nude or standing in front of everyone during the ceremony, or being in all the photographs. I am not saying

Look, I think that's fair enough.

She tried, She gave an option.

It's a destination wedding, but a dress code that.

Nobody destination that we don't want to go to.

I feel like this is a bridge too far. I think that guests need to consent, and I guess not consenting they should respect that.

Can you imagine being at a nerdest wedding? Can you imagine? Because you know how one of the things about weddings is it brings everybody together, old young, add to half of them, and then we're all naked and we're all looking at each other. And you know that the bride, because she's the bride, is going to somehow be the hottest nude person and she'll have a.

Veil as well on her pubes.

And she that's why she put the bouquet.

She'd put a pube veil. Oh No, she's got a veil on her head in the bouquet, just tucked into her pubes.

My friend's brother had a medieval themed wedding, like one.

Of those pointy hats with some veil of it and then they duel, they duel half it's like mead and pigs and stuff.

And she was just like, I was like, I wouldn't be going to fine though this. No, No, No, actually.

Know someone I just remembered I know someone who had a nude wedding. No, I didn't go, obviously, it was before I knew him, and it was a really really long time ago, and it was kind of when he was going through a bit of a hippie phase. But I don't know if everybody had to be nude. I think the celebrant was nude. I don't know if the guests had to be nude, though, but he and his wife were nude, and I think the celebrant was nude.

If you had to go to a nude wedding, would you shave?

There is no world in which I have to go to a new wedding, But you know what I was thinking about. One of the reasons why this story is so good is that because for nudists, they don't see being nude is anything sexual, anything strange. They're like, this is very natural. But the whole point of a wedding is there's all kinds of different people there. Even though the nudists might be super chill, they would definitely be like creepy Uncle Frank and like oh no, no, no, no no.

No, signing up fresh and madisone and like literally saying I want to have an affair. When I got to that point, it's like, what the heck, how did I get here? Like several years ago, I would have never just blatantly chosen to have an affair.

One couple that definitely did not have a nude wedding is Nia and Sam Raider. Now those names might not be imediately familiar to you, but this week on No Filter, I interviewed this couple who are a deeply religious Christian couple who are also vloggers. So that's video blogger. I sound like I'm.

Trying back the lady. They were bloggers.

It was like before influencers, there were people who would just show you around their family.

It was big twenty eleven, twenty.

Fourteen, exactly when it was like, come inside our family. And so Sam and Nia were these online influencers and they had this quite successful YouTube channel and too long, don't read. He cheated on her. He joined Ashley Madison, the website for cheaters, and then when there was a big data league, the world found out and it was a big scandal. Now the way that they became famous that some people might remember again, this was a real twenty eleven thing. I remember it because I'm sure we

So here I am, and I'm so excited. I have a specimen. I don't know if it'll throw it off because it's all diluted. But I also brought almost pregnancy test, and this time around, I'm going to be doing the announcement. At least I hoped. I hoped so.

Bad she's pregnant, which, when you think about it, is a great sort of story. It's a great piece of content if you want to look at it objectively. And it did. It went viral. They made this video, went viral. They did all these interviews, so that's kind of how they became quite famous. And then the Ashley Madison thing happened. And the reason that they're in the news again is because of this documentary that came out that we spoke

God, they hate Nobody buys it, do they? So the comments that I saw are a mixture of wants to cheat, always a cheat, to he's a narcissist, douchebag, just absolutely uniformly negative about him. One of the things I find interesting about that is that this did happen ten years ago, right, So what we're actually if you strip away all the kind of Ashley Madison of it all, what we're actually looking at is a couple telling us how they got.

Through infidelity for dalla, which is something that Esther Perell, author of Mating in Captivity, talks about a lot. She says, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. In some relationships, it is, but they're an example of a couple in which it wasn't. But what I'm interested to understand, I know you've both listened to the interview. Why is a friend so angry at him because he's a guy who said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

Em For me personally, I find as someone who's been single majority of her twenties, as well as someone who's non exclusively dated multiple people at the same time, I find the idea of cheating so fascinating because I can't grasp what people get out of cheating that they don't get from their relationship.

But did you listen to what Sam said? He basically said they wanted to lose their virginity to each other. She was fifteen when they met. I think he was eighteen or nineteen. They fell hard and fast in love, but they were very torn and they ended up having sex, but then they felt terrible about it because they wanted to save sex until marriage. So then they got married, and on paper they hadn't slept with or done anything with anyone. And he was basically saying.

You know, like in the documentary movies, I was so fascinated by romance and that aspect of my marriage that a novelty wore off and that was a bummer for me. So I wanted to keep seeking that attention in that romance.

Even like we're dating. That's why so many men in my experience, stay single because they get like these little glimpses of attention that women who are single get constantly, where it becomes like then a bit boring.

Single women get a lot of attention.

I think it's much easier for single women to have like casual sex than it is for men to have casualty.

Why do you think that, Well, yes, it is because you can choose to because there are men will do it.

Yeah, what you mean?

Okay?

And for me, it was just really interesting because I think even if he was single before that, it would have been hard for him to have like sexual relationships before his wife. And then the minute he would have gone attention from someone else who wasn't his wife, he's like, I've never done this before, so let's try.

What did you think about him? Were you one of the angry people?

I feel really bad saying this, but I was more just upset with her being in that interview and watching him talk about it. It almost felt like she was endorsing a behavior that I have grown up learning that you should never endorse from a man and never accept.

But why was she endorsing it? Because like she wasn't like, yeah, it was fine and She wasn't like, yeah, he might do it again, I'm just a door mat like. She was very honest about the fact that they went to the brink and that she really did think about divorce in the beginning.

The early days. It was convinced like we were getting a divorce. There was no other way around it.

Why people angry.

One of my theories about this is that cheating is one of those things that we all accept happens, but you're never supposed to admit that it happens, do you know what I mean. It's like people are more comfortable with the idea that in long term relationships people are cheating if we don't talk about it. But if you talk about it and you say I did, or I wanted to, or you know, I've thought about it or cheated or he did and we got through it, people

You know.

It's like if you teach a cat it doesn't live outside, it lives in a flat. It will play along with it to a point, but the cat wants to go out and catch a mouse.

Do you know what I mean?

And I don't mean by that comparison that he wants to go out and cheat. But what I mean is by creating this safe world, it's not the real world. If she can't trust him, or he can't trust himself to be in the presence of a female who isn't his wife, for his mother, or his sister or his daughter without wanting to cheat, then he's still a cheat. Do you know what I mean?

I do?

I was listening to a podcast with Glennon Doyle and her wife Abbi wom Back, and they were talking about jealousy, and they'd both been cheated on a lot in their relationships. Particularly Glennon, I think, said that every person she'd ever been with, including her husband, had cheated on her, so she had a lot of trust issues. She said, in

Do you want my email password?

What else do you need?

I understand that for some people that's an invasion of privacy. I totally get it. But based on your wounds, based on me knowing your wounds, based on my wounds, that felt like such an easy thing to do.

And I thought that is so interesting that idea of And again I don't know is Sam and NEI or what the situation is, whether all of those rules are because he needs to be kept on a tight lead, and he agrees that he needs to be kept on a tight lead because he does want to go out and catch a mouse, or whether that's just what she needs to be able to trust him again, because part of it was not just I mean, he didn't actually cheat via Ashley Madison because they were all bots, but

I couldn't live like that. I think that one the reasons.

Which person you couldn't be either of those people.

I couldn't be somebody's jailer, and I couldn't be jailed like I think. Hearing her talk about all that that was most heartbreaking to me because I'm not particularly black and white about cheating. I'm not talking about my relationship whatever here. I mean broadly my value system. Cheating with somebody else does not have to be a deal breaker. Betraying you is a different thing right, and that is lying to you, making you feel crazy, trying to chat up your friends. That is betrayed.

That's different.

And I think that's different if it's purely getting a sexual need met. You know, you can talk about that, but literally making a joke of what you think you have, that is a very difficult thing to forgive. So she's

When I need to view the psychopath a couple of weeks ago on No Filter in and I asked her because she doesn't have remorse or anything like that, and she doesn't know kind of moral feelings about cheating. So I said, well, then how come you don't cheat on your husband? And she was very pragmatic. She said, because I really like being married. Yeah, I like living in this house. I like not sharing custody of my kids.

I respect.

It's respect.

Yeah, And why that's not a good enough reason for him to not cheat. Why does he have to not have the impulse.

What really weirded me out about this interview is finding out that they were big family vloggers like in the past, because if you were on YouTube, which it was my generation on YouTube those days, it was such a competitive place to be if you were a family blogger, like, you're competing with all these massive families and surprisingly all of their audience were young children, Like it was like me being like seventeen sixteen, I was like an ideal,

Didn't We also find out that a lot of them were like living.

A lot a lot of them, Like there's been so many families like Ace family.

Starving their children or like all those terrible things that we discovered were going on behind the scenes of these seemingly idyllic families.

And I remember in the interview you did with them, Miya, she said that he always had like these big ideas. He was a big ideas man, and he knew things would go viral and stuff like that. And I think when you have those big, grandular ideas and you expect things to go viral, you don't stop. And just knowing that they did this documentary and this book and stuff and they're getting paid for all of this not.

Much, though I genuinely don't think that's I think he's I do too, and he actually says in the book. When he was seventeen, he was in a band and his friends used to call him I'm paraphrasing, but like a fame haul, Like he just wanted attention and he wanted fame. I was watching him during the interview and the way he spoke about needing excitement outside and wanting to chase these big ideas, and he said something so interesting.

He said, I think a lot of people want freedom. They're like, I'm not freedom for my marriage. Someone to go outside of my marriage and seek freedom. But what I found is I became enslaved rather than more free. And I've started to understand that freedom is actually just obeying the laws of the Lord and the laws of nature, obeying those staying within its confined. But I kind of look at as like being in the swimming pool, like if you don't obey the laws of the water, you'll drown.

I feel like using the word chaos, especially the way he talked about his cheating. He would always refer it as a thing like it happened, it brought chaos, and it made me kind of as a listener, think he's trying to separate himself from the act he did.

But this is again, I just have this real thing. Everybody's different, right, And there are some people for whom monogamy suits them, right, Security suits them, monogamy suits them. Respect is enough to keep them in the door. The idea of juggling lies and deceptions and the fact that at any minute you might be caught out would be your worst nightmare. You are anxious, you know, like that's your personality, male, female, whatever. And then there are people

I think that's what sets you up for failure because we see these section you know, the extreme forms of not just Christian religion, but all religions. To meet the tenets of that religion in its extreme form, you have to subvert so many basic human desires and instincts and deny them.

And I think that if that's who you are, that's the kind of person who are. That's really what people mean when they say things like he's a hard dog to keep on the porch, which is such a tech, but that's what they mean. Like Hillary Clinton knew about the charismatic, extroverted, needy guy that she married, that he was always going to want other people's attention and other

I've never seen it where everybody have to do that to some degree. I mean, it's not like once you're in a commuted relationship, you stop living and breathing and you don't have eyes and you don't have ever chemistry with it anymore. But you choose right, you choose, you have to keep choosing yes monogamy.

And I think that's harder for some people than others. I agree with that, And I think the thing about this is is when I say I've never seen it work, what I mean by that is that we've all known or been in relationships or something where one partner will be very jealous and insecure that never ever stops the other person from That never works as a strategy. You know, Like if I'm cheating and you're checking my phone every day,

But are you feeling if I'm checking your phone every day? Does that give me some peace of mind that enables me to hate you less for the cheating that you did on me before and trust you more? Is that just the price you have to pay for winning back my trust?

I totally get that like I know marriages that have been through a lot of things and then they come back together and say, these are our boundaries. Boundaries are good, right, But there's boundaries, and then there's literally trying to turn somebody into somebody else. And I maybe it'll work when he's fifty or sixty.

You know. I got a really strong sense though, that it wasn't her imposing these things on him, it was him imposing them on himself. Like he's like, Okay, I know that this is potentially my weakness. I've strayed in a way that I'm not proud of and I don't want to repeat because I don't like the devastation that it caused to my wife. And in his mind also sinning against God. So what do I have to do to avoid temptations to get that stay off?

But also, I mean, as much as everybody hates this guy, he hates himself.

Yeah, oh he does. And that's why I don't hate him. Like he's like I think he's.

Trying, Like he's trying, But how do you know he hates himself?

Well, for me, that came across, and this is bound up in his strict moral code, is that he clearly thinks that what he did is the worst thing that he could have done, but he did it anyway, and he hates himself for it, and he's repenting and he's making up for it, and blah blah blah. And maybe they've lasted ten years with that, which is fine. No one's diagnosing whether their marriage is gonna last or not. But ultimately, again, I don't think anything good can come

I think he's giving himself a good edit.

Do you see this is interesting how no one ever wants to give a No one ever wants to give someone who's admitted to cheating any inch. Aren't we just admitting something very human? Oh?

I think it's just him as a person, Like I think I see that content light in his head, going, this is content. This is what I'm going to say to get more views, is what I'm going to say to get more listens. And they are still married, but they could probably not even be in a relationship anymore.

Oh no, So basically you don't buy any of it because you don't buy any of it because they're.

He cried interview. No, I can't cry, and command can.

You cry cry?

I think though, that what i'm's saying is behind a lot of the bad vibes that are coming towards them. Is I think that once you have opened your private life, relationship family up as content, which they are very clearly done. And you know, we've talked about this lots of time, Yeah, many of us, and to different degrees, lots of people do People always say to us, how much do you share? How much don't you share? But once you open that door,

What was really interesting was when I asked them, has it been good for business? Have a listen. We'll put a link to that episode in the show notes if you haven't heard already. Otherwise, if you want to chat about it more, you can go into the outlout It's Facebook group or have a chat on our Instagram page.

It's Recommendations Times Emily Burnham, why don't you go first, my friend?

Okay, I am doing something a bit different because I'm recommending a concept because I don't want to go back to my desk. I want to keep so over the long weekend I went down a bit of a rabbit hole reading advice colins in the Times on that age where I only read advice.

And the UK Times is behind payperwall, and they dropped it so you could read Dolly Elderton just so the m could read Dolly Alderton.

For a day.

Dolly Alderson, every broken hearted millennial's favorite author. There was just one submission that said, am I right to be annoyed with my coupled up friends? So this person said that they were single for quite some time, and to make herself feel better about her situation, she decided to do things that her friends and relationships couldn't do. So things are going on solo, dates are going to dinner, going to the cinema, going on holiday by herself.

Why can't you do that? It's a couple.

She said that she believes those things should be at the preserve of the single people.

People are insufferable.

She then we like you because you conjoined.

Keep going.

She then talked about how a friend in a relationship took herself out on a solo date and another friend went on a holiday even though she had a boyfriend, but she went by herself just because. And she said she was ashamed to say that. She was internally incensed.

So she was mad because she was like, you're, yeah, I do things by myself. You do things in couples.

Yeah, So if people in relationships can do the same things that people who are single can do, is there a point.

In being feel like single appropriation?

Yes, Alderton said, this is a consly way to put it. But I think what you're feeling is anger about the people with relationship privilege are appropriating your culture as a single person.

Oh that's quite funny. That's so good. See Dolly Olden would have said that with tongue in cheek very much. I do all of those things because I am still an autonomous human. Are married, I go on holidays alone there's nothing that a single person could do that I can do. It's interesting. I was listening to a podcast

So when you guys do stuff by yourself, yeah, and you talk about it with your friends who own relationships, what are their reactions? Are they kind of like yourself so you don't get a reaction.

So here's the thing. You know, what I know really annoys my single friends who are of an age like me. If I might mindlessly be like a lone time, I love it and they're feeling lonely and they're like, fuck you, you know what I mean, Like it must be nice for you that that's a treat. It's not a treat for me, that kind of thing. I know what we mean here.

Yeah, personally, I think from my experience what I hate is being a single person. My friends and relationships always expect me to be doing something fun that they can't necessarily do all the time. If I had a dollar for every person who told me to go to a freaking art gallery, I'd have shares. I have shares in the art museum.

Am I mad? Like? Why can't you go to an art gallery by yourself if you're in a relationship.

I think that single people think because when you are single, like for a long time, and you don't want to because there's different camps. Right, do you I want to be single? Don't you want to be single? I don't mean you right now? Am I mean? You can talk about it on the mark, But like, if you're happily single, none of this would bother you. But if you are coveting a relationship.

And you're having to what she was saying, she was like trying to make herself feel better about being single by doing all these solos.

So you're telling yourself the good thing about me being single is that I get to go and eat in that restaurants. I don't have to compromise with that annoying snory person on my couch.

And then your friend with the boyfriend's like, oh, I'm going to do that too, and you're like, no, yeah, no, no, no.

Don't because you think that's your perks, right, you know that's your perks is you get to live your own life and do your own thing, and everyone else has to compromise and be miserable. And the truth is, there is a lot of compromise in relationships. There is. I sometimes I have to watch things I don't want me or doesn't do that. I have to watch things I don't want to watch. I have to eat things I don't want to eat. Sometimes I have to go hang out with people I don't want to hang out with.

It does make them feel better.

But I am also a grown up who can go. I'm going to go and do that on my own. I can't do that.

That's so interesting.

My reco is Colin from account So if you didn't watch Colin from Accounts season one, it was a big hit it last year, the year before, maybe the year before before. On Binge Australian comedy actually became very popular internationally. Created and starring Patrick Brammel Harriet Dyer, the premise is Unexpected couple I guess right. Two are very good looking people, very good looking people who meet each other in Sydney when one of them runs over the other one's dog

I think it's good to I.

Can't remember the last time I laughed out loud that much. I love that it's kind of a bit gritty and a bit wrong, Like it's not one of those shows where you think all the time, oh yeah, that was a sensible choice, or all the people have got everything sorted and every now and again it annoys me how they portray older women. Yep.

Annoyed me about season one, but it's better in season.

That's a bit of a talking about her mom, well her mum and also the ex girlfriend. So, without any spoilers, Gordon's ex girlfriend is portrayed as a kind of vet.

The vet.

The vet. The vet is portrayed as a kind of crazy desperate and that used to annoy me, and it still is a little bit of a sound of the oyster for me. But then I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to like everything about a piece of art. I just think it's great. How likely do you think it is that I could naturally get a woman pregnant?

Exclusive?

What do you mean?

Yes?

Why light addressed? It's a skirt and top new?

Or have you lost a bit of weight? Not that you need to like, you look great to meet anyways, Like you could balloon and I'll be fine, but you don't need to get out, miya.

Your recommendation is some people think I'm the big boss here at Mumma, but no, I'm never happier than when I'm actually the cold face making shit. People would be surprised I move furniture around here here. I like doing things.

I remember one time I passed you and you're like buying tables on your laptop.

Not only did I buy the table, I assembled the table with an Alan key.

That's very me.

I love it.

I love getting my hand study. So you may have heard of a new Blockbuster podcast called mid that launched recently.

It has a great host, it's got a very.

Sexy host, and it's been a big hit and Holy and I've been wanting to do this for a really, really long time and she's gone ahead and done it, which has been glorious. But I've wanted to build some supporting stuff around it, like she's an Instagram account, a newsletter, because I feel like as a woman in this demographic as Holly is as well gen X women or women over forty. Really, with all due respect to your people, am sometimes it's tiring being around your people got it and they're.

Ways thank God. I'm just a fill in host and.

Sometimes, oh Jesse, it's just okay. Sometimes we just like to be amongst our own kind. And so I have been myself populating our our mid Instagram account and writing the mid newsletter. I'm doing it in the back heade the social lead. I go, I'm the contact.

Time I pick up my phone, med by Mom and mea which is the Instagram account, has another hilarious meme, another video, and I'm like, what is she doing?

I used to be in the social team.

You're killing it, except I'm not. Because I got a message from Instagram the other day saying one of my posts was taking down because it had breach copyright laws, and I'm like, whoops, best time, best I.

The rules, not breaking law anyone.

So you know, we're learning. We're learning. It's trial and error. But there's some things about being this age where I'm actually really disinterested in other people of other ages, and I just want to have somewhere. I mean sometimes I am like, don't get me wrong, I like learning about socks and changing up my socks, but I also want to be a place where everyone is confused about socks, and that's what it is. So we will put a link to the newsletter. It's different to the out Loud newsletter.

Every Tuesday and Thursday we drop new segments of Mom and Me Are out Loud just for Mom and Mia subscribers. Follow the link in the show notes to get your daily dose of out Loud and a big thank you to all our current subscribers. It's best and worst time. Who's going to go first?

Where are we up to?

Emily Vernon, I can go first. Okay, and remember everybody the thing about best and worst. This is the bit where we talk about our personal lives. So though we may have done that a bit already today a little bit, it's very much from the little, to the silly, to the ridiculous to the offensive.

Go so my worst, we start with worse? Right, Yeah, my worst rule. I know I'm looking at your mind. I'm very strict. I have realized that I may potentially kind of be the side friend in my friendship group.

In this podcast, yes, in.

This podcast and in all my this podcast is not making me feel better about my worst? Can I just say I want to rebrand myself as the accidental side friend via convenience because I realized that a lot of my friends catch up without me.

I discovered this.

Did we talk about the side friend on this ship?

Talked about it's that friend who's like kind of the third who's like, I'm kind of like forgotten on the side, and.

That has to keep going.

Hey guys, yeah, guy. And I've noticed recently that I was looking through a lot of my different friendship groups because I have a lot of friends chats and for like the last night four or five messages. I've been the one asking and initiating and catch up.

Do you think they all have side chats without you left?

And then I put it together, like a lot of my friends either live really close together or live together, or they either work together, or they have like a mutual friend like their partners might be friends as well. And I'm always the one who's the odd one out in that dynamic. I'm the third and I'm like, anyway.

I think you're going through a life phase at the minute where you're noticing a lot of return. Last week it was about like no one bought me a birthday cake, my parents don't call me enough or something, And today it's about the side friends. You feel a bit sidelined, dull, feeling a bit she's caught a life crisis. Yes, I think it is. It's the Satain return.

I think it's my certain return.

I look at your social life. Obviously, get a frecial media.

I'm not getting a friend like and has the best social life for.

Always eating my highlight reel.

My best was Vivid. Oh you went I went to Vivid? Well, okay, so Vivid's kind of like if you're not don't live in Sydney. It's like this big festival in Sydney that happens over two weeks. It's a big light festival. A lot of artists come here and show off the exhibitions, a lot of people travel here to watch it. Bigger and bigger every year. It's so big this year. And because I live in the city, it's literally at my doorstep. Like I walk out of my apartment block and I am vivid.

You start blowing you.

An exhibition? Or is she really I am exhibition? People like, look at that one.

It's just me. That's great life.

So there's like this big like fire kitchen right outside my building. I don't really know, but the kitchen and then's fire. So they're like guys and kitchens cooking. They've got like chefs from like American around the world to come here and they're like making all these different meat things and then these fire things go up and there's all these exhibitions. I'm like, we're so lucky to live in this beautiful city.

I don't think.

You definitely are.

We should go tonight.

Okay. The reason I didn't know what was on is because my worst I blame you. I've been in bed for the last five days with the flu.

Oh, that don't blame me, because you were sick last week.

And you were since we last recorded. I know. I struggled a little bit through that show, and then I went home after I went to the gynd of coologist to check out my flush period and.

You got your Guyino sick.

I hope I didn't get my guy and I sick actually, but I was like, I really need to go home, and then I'm like, no, I really have to get in the stirrups. Just feel even better about myself. So she had a little look at my cervix. She said, if in case anyone who's interested, not but anyone asked I didn't have a polyp because I thought maybe I've got a polyp.

You don't have a polyp, but you do have the fluid.

To get out how loudest I want to know. They want a service update. So she was like, look, I can't see anything up there apart from you know, your cervix. I'm like, but I've got no ovaries anymore because I had them removed, which is another story, And like, how what's bleeding? And she said, oh, it's because you're an hr T you can sometimes still get that. So she said, if it's annoying, you can get a Marina, and I'm like, no, it's not annoying. I mean, I did bleed through my

This was.

Absolutely that's funny, said, but proper flu. Right, So then I was like, oh, and then everyone's got pneumonia.

So I thought I'll go to a joctor.

Don't look at me saying proper flu. I had the problem because you.

Was like the flu, and I'm always very I don't I would need proof of your flu. Don't just say I've got flu, because I don't like people upgrading.

I don't like it.

It's an unauthorised upgrade of your illness. So I went because I was worried I've got asthma. I was worried, and this is a.

Very two time.

I might have bronchitis or pneumonia because I helped anxiety Jesus.

So I got swamped with the doctor.

Believe me on my she said, and the results came back. I had nothing, but I did have influence a I'm an influencerkay, and so that's my.

Most You went to bed.

What's your best did the best was having the flu.

I've come this is bullshit.

Stopped you because I have to say I didn't feel that bad. I didn't feel great, but I canceled two days worth of interviews. I had a couple of no filters that I had to cancel, which was a shame. But then I was just in bed. My husband's away. My children are grown up enough to sort the shit out.

I feel like you're impeding on my single person culture.

So you know, I was in my bed. I had five devices scattered around me, a Kindle, two phones, a laptop, an iPad. I don't know why I needed them, all, box of tissues, some fidget toys. I wasn't hungry, so food wasn't a problem, and I just hung out.

I said, you like it.

I go crazy.

I think I told you, well, when you're sick enough, you don't. It's when you start to get bored. Is when you know you're getting better. And it was a long weekend and I just I didn't have to talk. I really needed the recharge. So I didn't feel good, but I liked the lifestyle. Had a ford agree.

I respect your decision to talk to your bed. I took to my bed.

Yeah, and to do that all right, I'm going to keep mine short because they are both cervix related, and I think everyone said quite enough about us one day after giving me a shit last week for her talking about her flash period, and I think I sat here and said, I haven't had a period for years. I would freak out if that happened to me. I caught her flash period.

Oh my god.

I messaged her and I said, fuck you, I'm bleeding like the flatmates are open.

We're like flatmates or have your umbrella?

Who knew we could still sink each other? That means I'm the dominant one.

Alphabata the top dogs. So how did you go? Did you bleed it?

It hasn't been as scary and heavy as yours, but it's like, I'm not even joking out louders. I know you don't need to know this, but I have not had a period for years because I had Marina. Then I had my Marina taken out, but nothing happened like I'm on estrogen. Although I have been stretching my patches out because they're so hard to find. That could be one. And then last week I started getting really sore boobs, and I actually said to Brent, I got really sore boobs.

Was it kind of nostalgic?

And now I'd forgotten how annoying it is. But my best is that and also service related, but more of a p s A. Really friends. I went to have what we used to call a phaps mere the other week, and now it's just called a cervical screen and you can do it yourself now.

I might have been a branding cervical screen versus peraps it is.

Isn't it cervical screening? You can do it yourself now. And I've read about this. I'd heard about this. And the thing is is the way it works to go to the doctor and you can choose to either do it the old fat world. With my GP, I could choose to either jump on the table do it the old fashioned way, or they give you it's like and you can choose take it home or do it at the doctor, so I could do in front of the doctor. No, why would AM?

Sure you're doing it?

It's got instructions on the back. And I think we're all very prepped for this now because we've been testing ourselves for COVID for a long time. Although it's a different hole. Obviously, I went in the bathroom at the doctor. You just do it and then you screw it back in its little tube, put the lid back on, popping in a plastic bag, leave it with the lucky receptionist.

At the front desk.

And the thing is is, I'm not really that squeamish about those things. And obviously I've been getting perhaps me is for a very very long time. But I thought about all the women I know who do really struggle to perhaps meters, whether they've got uginismus where they've just got anxiety around it, whether they just freak out about the mettal thing they wind in there and everything, which is all fine, But the thing is is really important

And so I just.

Thought, this is amazing. My daughter, for example, will probably never really have to jump up and get the speculum.

And you know what, I think the worst part about it is, which is why I'm excited about this, is the small talk, because I had to do that with my guy, not last week when I went. When you're lying there, you got your knickers off.

I'm worrying about your nickers, you know when you walk it and you're like.

And you hyde your nickers, which is so funny given what they're about to see.

Wait, you hide you put them money nickers.

You don't hide your nickers.

Come on, just throw them on the floor.

I always hide my knickers.

You fortuld your nickers and into the clothes on the chair.

I don't know why.

Given your doctor, someone sits on your clothes wherever.

But you hide them. I don't know why.

I don't know why.

Anyway, and then you's just lying there and then you have to go. So how are the kids exact? Cat like being busy the weather? I find that excruciating. So I'm quite excited about sticking it up myself.

So my best was that experience and thinking how the world has changed and some things have got better, not worse. It's goodness anyway. I think we've talked about cervix is for way too long. I don't know it's time to close out this week. I think my friend Mia tell everyone about the episode for subscribers that they could get so and.

Out Louder reached out to me via DM and it's something that we popped into the Outluts facebook grouping on the Instagram page about a dilemma she had with her twenty three year old daughter who went out and had a really terrible night out and she didn't know how to help her daughter deal with it. And we read all of your replies and we wanted to think about it and give our advice as well to this out Louder So I have a listener. We'll put a link in the show notes.

That is it. That is it for the week. Friday Fun finished. Thank you Emily Verndam for filling in and coming and sitting here and being the side friend on us show.

Thanks for having me, and thank you for also saying that you're kind of over people like me.

Gen Z.

Sometimes even I do follow the Instagram. I love the mid Instagram.

I know.

Look, you're a very broad minded young person. And also a big thank you to our amazing team, to Emily and Gazillas, our producer, our assistant producer, Charlie Blackman, Leah Porges who does audio production, and our brand manager Kerry Scott Jackson. And to all of you out louders for listening to us for another week. We love you loads and we'll see you on Monday.

Bye bye, see ya.

Shout out to.

Any Mum and Maya subscribers listening. If you love the show and want to support us as well.

Subscribing to Mom and Mia is the very best way to do so. There is a link in the episode description.