You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on. If I say no to that thing or I don't do that thing they want, then those people are going to be upset with me. And her point is let them be upset with you. It will be all right. Hello, and welcome to Mama Mia out Loud. In a moment you are going to hear what all that was about. But first, welcome to our Friday show. You know out Loud is that on
Friday we don't talk about the news cycle. We just exhale, hold hands, gossip.
That's pretty much talk you. I also like that we've only done two shows in Marina.
We need a break from the news cycle. It's Trevor Welming.
Well the world. The world today is Friday, the seventeenth of January, and I am a Hollywaynwright.
I'm me of Friedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens.
And on today's show, if you haven't already, you are going to hear these two words everywhere in your work world, and they are apparently the key to peace and to dealing with difficult people. Yes, we're talking about let them theory, also a different way to shop, a very twisty TV show, and two new books that Mia couldn't put down. That's our recommendations and our best and worst summer holidays, which include My Murderous Domestic Goddess meltdown being a little too
close to tragedy and Mia not working. But first, Jesse Stevens.
In case you missed it, you should never ever wear a butt plug to an MRI skin no A pending right, Yeah, yeah, okay. We are nothing if not helpful, And today I thought i'd give you both some advice because I know that some of us aren't good with instructions. Maya, you don't often read the instructions and so you need them laid out too, very clearly, and I want to avoid potential disaster.
But plug out before scan, Yeah.
In before fine, just before you scan. Take it out, pop it back in.
After pop it in the waiting room, yeah, pop it out.
This story is actually a bit of rif I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
Actually, maybe not in the waiting room. Should I clarify? You probably want to go to the bathroom.
Bathroom?
Fun?
Yeah, fine, a twenty two year old woman in the US underwent an MRI scan and she did not disclose that she was wearing a butt plug. I actually have a lot of empathy for this woman because she purchased the butt plug on the basis that it was made of one hundred percent silicon. It said it with silicon, so she didn't think it was relevant that she had a butt plug in. However, she read the instruction she did.
The butt plug had a metal core, and what happens is this causes a hazardous reaction between the powerful magnets in the machine and the metal parts of the toy.
And it's also like, don't put your butt in the microwave if you've got a butt plug in really yeah, because metal. You also don't put metal in the mid any metal in them. No metal in an MRI, No middle in a microwave, no butt.
This is I'm learning a lot my bus about it. A scan of the image was then circulated on social media and you can see that what happened was that it was dragged through her body. It caused damage to organs and tissues along the way. Oh that's actually bad, that's horrible. Reports are that she felt nauseous faint and she was screaming in pain. She was rushed to hospital. We know that she survived the injuries. We don't know much more.
But I thought you're going to say, we don't know how the butt plug actually is, whether the butt plugs. No. But the reason that would have happened in that you can't have any jewelries because MirOS are all about magnets. It would have magnetized the butt plug.
Oh.
So I then started like someone trying to pull a tampon out through your throat.
Yeah, so I started reading about this. In the US, A few things have happened where someone's gone in with a firearm in their pocket and the firearm has discharged. Well, that's stupid, that is stupid. But I have empathy for this person because it said one hundred percent silicon.
Call me naive, but I don't understand what a butt plug does.
It stimulates the Do women have a prostate? They don't do they? I think they have a part in their button.
That's look at loe of those vanilla idiots in the world. All I really know is that when I was young and I first went into a sex shop, remember sex shops before you bought all those something that there was this big colorful plastic box that a bit like what you get kids toys in what I just said, my first butt plug, I thought, that's the startup butt plug. That's cute. Out ladders.
We have questions. If there's anyone among you who.
I'm sure they.
Send us a voice note, tell us how bout plugs work, what they're good for.
I thought it was more you'd use a butt plug during sex, whatever that sex looks.
Can we just wind up the but to wear it?
You know, as you go about your date. Your doctor's appointment is surprising. I'm not judgmental, as just I didn't know that. And we learn new things.
Sometimes you have to do chores, you have to go and get scans, and you need a little treat.
Yeah.
Yeah, Like Megan says, we're finding joy in every moment.
You need to get outside your comfort zone. It's not about taking risks. It's about getting outside your comfort zone. Those first three seconds when you push herself out of bed, they blow, but once you're up, it's great.
Apparently we all needed permission to just back the fuck off. American change and motivation expert Meil Robins is selling books by the bucket loads and going viral all over the Internet with a theory that can be defined in two little words, let them let me explain a little bit.
Fifteen years ago, Meil Robins says she was paralyzed by anxiety, but now she tells many other people how to do what they've always wanted to do by not procrastinating or implementing a five second rule to always jump to action when you want you've got something on to do list. She's like a big Internet guru, think a slightly less academic and less Texan Rene Brown.
She's got one of the most viral ted talks of all time.
She does, and she has sold more than a million books, she has had more than a billion video views. And Oprah Winfrey says that this new book that Let Them Theory is the best self help book she has ever read, which I imagine that Oprah has read a few, she's read them.
On what's interesting. I've been following Meil Robins for quite a few years and she's always been on that level below the Glennons, the Brenees, certainly you know, the Oprah's, and she's been doing some really good work. But with this book.
She's broken.
She's absolutely broken through.
And the thing that's interesting about that is it is the most simple idea you can imagine. She says that the killer cure for anxiety is simple. Stop trying to control people around you. Let them do what they want. It's not your business. Focus on your business, let them get on with theirs, and breathe easy. Here's a little grab of her explaining a few examples of times when you should just let them.
I've been in a situation where maybe your buddies organize a golf trip and they don't include you, or the women in your life go away for a weekend and you're not invited, or a friend that you adore is dating a real asshole, somebody who's horrible for them.
Let them.
I mean, how much does you worrying about it? How is that going to change anything?
It's not.
How does spending two hundred hours talking to your friend about this horrible person over and over and over. How does that? How it doesn't let them. If somebody's firing you, let them. If your company's going through layoffs, let them. It is so liberating when you drop the sword, when you just let go.
It is liberating to drop the sword Maya.
Everyone's talking about this over summer. You know, she's been doing the rounds of podcasts and interviews and there's been ne York Time stories and everybody's talking about it. In the book This saved my Bacon. On the weekend when I was about to do I was feeling so furious about a particular situation and something that someone that I know had done. I was going to really cause some damage. It's a good thing to some situations that I was in. This wasn't a work thing. And I thought about this
and I just thought, let them. And one of the biggest things I struggle with is control. And therapists have said to me, you know, control through overconcerned, because sometimes we think that we're worrying about people and that we're being kind and that we're being I say, it's.
A form of anxiety rights.
It's also just a form of control. It's also a form of you know, I don't like what you're doing. I think you could do it better this way. I think it would be better if you did it this way. And I also know what it's like to expend a huge amount of energy feeling enraged or upset about things I can't control and that have nothing to do with me. In many cases, Donald Trump's being a really good example. And this, to me has actually summarized my approach to
this new Trump regime, like the second time around. Maybe that's why it struck such a cause I've literally gone let it go. You know, this is the kind of the frozen let it go go, But this is let them, just like what can I do. I can't change Donald Trump, I can't change what ALON must doing. Let them.
It's powerful, Like you know, I've even found it with negative commentary, and I find that quite liberating to just go let people think what they're going to think. You have no control over that. And I guess one of the criticisms of this has been that it's not particularly new, but she acknowledges that herself, that this is stoicism, it's Buddhism. I've sort of done research into Buddhism over the years, and I really like the idea that there's no point
in resisting the moment. Like the analogy that I always think of is you're sitting in traffic and there's a traffic jam, and every part of your body is going I don't want to be in this moment. I don't want to, but it's like, let it happen. No amount of resisting is going to change the fact that you're in the traffic jam. Like you've just got to take
a deep breath and move on. And it also reminds me of in my nana's She lived with us growing up, and she had a thing up on her wall, and it was the Serenity prayer, and the serenity prayer says, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And she would always always say that. So it's fundamental to so many religions.
That's recovery program.
Yeah, yeah, I think it's great because the thing is is it's true for those big things like you say me are about trumpel though you don't want it to tip into and placency and apathy and never wanted to change anything, but it is particularly useful and I think particularly for women in day to day life.
But just to pin you down on that for a second, I literally can't.
Show you can't. But if the whole world just went let's just let them all have their way and doesn't matter who you vote for.
It let them is about person.
And so she has a few caveats in this, because I can hear if that louds are thinking about this, they'll be like, but what if the person is bla? And what if the person is bla? So in the podcast I listened to about it, she had some caveats, she said, because one of the ways she talked about
this a lot was in parenting. She said, you know, you've got teenagers and maybe they want to quit a sport that you've invested loads of time in, and they've invested loads of time and you think it's a mistake for them, and blah blah blah and those kind of things. So she talked a lot in it about parenting about like let them, let them fail, let them fall, let them make the mistakes. But she had a few caveats.
So number one was if it's risky, so you know, it's not let them like hoon down the road on an ebike at a thousand miles an hour with no helmet, like that's not it. If it's discriminatory, so it's not just let them be racist. And awful to you or a coworker or whatever. That's not it. She said, you have to speak up in that situation. She said, if you're negotiating your salary, she was very specific about that. She said, women in particular, always always negotiate your salary.
And if someone else's behavior is directly crossing your boundaries, which is obviously very male Robin's talk. But also it's like if someone else's behavior is actively affecting you.
If they're abusing you.
Yeah, exactly. So it's not like just let everyone do anything, but it is very freeing. And I don't struggle too much with this because I'm not a particularly controlling person, although Brent may beg to differ on that point. But I was thinking about this that when I get really upset about something, so in my personal life. Last year, I was really mad with Brent because he chose to go away on this weekend. He won't mind me talking about this, it's fine. Chose to go away on this
weekend with his friends. That for various reasons, I thought he wasn't going to go it was inconvenient for us, one of his friends had dropped out, blah blah blah, and I was so mad with him. I was so mad with him, and he just went. And she talks about this about how it works with partners when you've been with someone a long time and you kind of think that you're almost one person now and you make the decisions, and she's you have to let people be
who they are. I was spent first twenty four hours of him being away just simmering, furious, can't fucking believe it, Like this has made my life hard? What a selfish choice? And then I got to a let them position, which was very much like God, let Brent be Brent, right, Like he's a grown up man. He's allowed to do
things that he wants to do. Every decision he makes isn't about me, Like do I really want a partnership with somebody who doesn't get to be himself and do the things he wants to do, even if I think they're stupid.
It's not hard about them that.
And I've read parts of the book, but I haven't read the whole book.
I don't think it needs a whole book.
If my mom has read and said it was.
Great, I'm sure it is, and she's great. But even on her podcast, she explains it in the intro and then she goes, you're smart people, you get it. But I'm going to talk for another twenty minutes anyway.
But like, for example, all right, you get home and someone's left the milk out on the bench, right, so let them. But then there's no milk for you because it was left out, and now it's all bad.
But no, no, it's different. The other part of it is also then let me, So it's what can I change. Let them is also about it's not just about control, it's also about I was listening to her interviewed on Glennon's podcast We Can Do Hard Things and Mel Robins her parents live far away and she needs two flights to go and see them, and for the holidays this year she didn't go and fly to see them, wanted to stay home to be closer to her children.
Whatever.
She said, I feel terrible that I live so far away from my parents. I knew they'd be disappointed. I wasn't going to visit them for the holidays. But she said, let them will.
And then be disappointed.
Let them be disappointed. And she said, it doesn't mean be an asshole to everybody and be selfish but she said, if I want to go and visit them, let that be because I want to be a good daughter, not because they don't think I'm a good daughter. I remember that I'm disappointing them.
She's very clear about that. You have to let other people have feelings about you that you're uncomfortable with. So it's that idea of like, if I say no to that thing, or I don't do that thing they want, then those people are going to be upset with me. And her point is let them be upset with you. It will be all right.
And it's often the kind of thing right. I remember years ago I made a decision that I knew was going to really upset someone. It wasn't that it was a mean decision. It was just a decision that would impact them and it would disappoint them. And I was speaking to a friend and they just went, we have no control over their feelings. Trying to manage their feelings is kind of manipulative. In fact, you've got to talk to them. Maybe they'll hate you for three days. It
probably will hate you for three days. That's their job to go and work through it. It's not yours. But two instances where I find this really hard. The first is parenting and the second is marriage with parenting. As you say, there's.
Those two really simple little things.
Yes, exactly. So I've been watching and I'm sure we'll talk about this later, but the Jerry Springer documentary that's on Netflix, and there's a story of a guy who was maybe twenty twenty one, and he started working for the Jerry Springer Show and his father was in the entertainment industry, and his father was saying to him, what you are doing is not good for the world, like
this show is bad. Right according to the let them theory, are you meant to guide your children in that way and let them know that a decision.
The twenty one let them?
Really no.
But there's what happens when you see people making such bad difference.
Because of themselves. I imagine is let me, so let me tell him what I think. But her point is that in parenting or with any of our personal relationships, when we try to manage other people's experiences or other people's lives, that's a message to them that we don't think they can do it themselves. So it's very disempowering.
She was giving an example of she thinks that she prolonged her daughter's anxiety for years because her daughter had anxiety and she'd get up in the middle of the night and she'd come and she'd try to get into bed with Mel and her husband, and Mel would just like open the blankets and let her get in. She said, I did that for years, And what I told her was that, yes, you are correct to be so scared, and this isn't a tiny child, this is an older
child that you can't sleep through the night. Instead of helping her face down the fact, I trust that you're going to be able to overcome this. And that's the thing. Also, back to helicopter parenting. We got this memo that any negative feeling that our children had a failure on our part and that could lead to terrible But it's the opposite of let them.
But back to that example, your adult child is making a choice, a career choice or something that you don't approve of. You express your feelings about it, but then you have to let them. What's the option. That's what what I find very freeing, and I think I've actually learned this lesson quite early. You can't stop them, so why are you wasting all your energy and destroying your
personal peace. When she talks about this, she has this sort of expression of the thoughts in your head where you're going, like, for god sake, what does he think he's doing it? Don't and why doesn't she know this? Why doesn't she know that? Don't they know if they make that blah blah la, It's like that is just you and your energy, churning, churning, churning. It's not going to change the outcome. The kid who wants to go and work at Jerry Springer like obviously not necessarily ideal,
but I worked in tabloid magazines for years. I'm sure my parents were not that proud of me in those moments. The thing is is you have to let people be who they are, and you're allowed to have your feelings about it, but you can't try and control them because you can't control them, you know what I mean.
So it's a useless and suse what I think about in marriage, And I struggle with this when you say something and when you don't, when something irritates you, when you're interrogating whether that's just you, how much it's impacting you. Basic example, let's say you are married and your partner goes and plays golf for six hours on a Saturday, six hours on a Sunday and leaves you with the kids let them go and play golf.
Well, by question, I think that's a negotiation, right, because that is crossing a boundary. I reckon in the mel Robins framework, that is crossing a boundary. Your boundary might be like I am not the default parent all weekend. I am not. That is my boundary, So that's different. A marriage is a partnership, but that's an important thing, right, So you might come to a compromise. You're allowed to play god not allowed, but go play golf twice a month or whatever, or I'll trade off for this, and
parents do that naturally all the time. But trying to make somebody not like golf anymore and not ever want to do it and always, you know what I mean, that's the opposite.
Of life's really hard. I think listening to this and reading these I really like this theory and I think it really helps, but I think it probably does have limitations.
Yeah, and it doesn't apply to every single situation.
And one that I kind of kept thinking about was when you live with people who are struggling with mental illness and who are not making decisions in their best interest.
It's really hard.
Maybe it is the right thing to do.
I heard her talks hard with Glennon. So she said, if you have a friend or a child, or a partner or someone in your life, say with depression, she said, let me. Part of it is you can create an environment in which they can get better, like you can. You know, have an agreement that you'll go in every morning and you'll lo ope and the curtains so that they'll be sunlight in the room. You can play music
in the house so to lift their spirits. You can pick up your friend to take her to the yoga class instead of meeting her at the yoga class, so that you can be sure that she gets there rather than you know. And I've noticed this in friendship too. As soon as you give someone advice, whether it's a child a friend, they get their back up because you've given them a job to do, and you're trying to get them to do something that they don't want to do.
And we are programmed to move towards what's easy and away from what's hard. And if you're telling someone to do all the time to do what they don't want to do. They're going to move away from you, So you're going to lose that connection.
Right, you know what I mean, Like we're not always right in our thing of like we know what you should be doing, We're not always right, you know, So I think you also have to let that in. But I heard her talking on the podcast about this in terms of friends or family with addiction, and she was quite let them about it. She was like, an addict has never got sober without wanting to do it themselves. So it doesn't mean just let them. Sure have some money,
spend it on drugs. I don't care. Like obviously, it comes back to boundaries, like you have your own boundaries about it. You offer them as much support and encouragement as possible, but you can't fix that for them, and so you have to let them and you have to let them get towards their answers. And I think that that's really interesting to think about. I think the little
ways and the big ways. But I think one of her main things is it's supposed to bring you more peace, So you have more peace and are not constantly stressing about everybody because you're like you know what I can't fix that?
Let them out loud as in a moment. We have things for you to read, watch and buy. It's the records from our summer break, because we did all of those things and we are desperate to tell you about them.
Vibes, ideas, atmosphere, something casual, something fun.
This is my best recommendation.
It's Friday, so we want to help set you up for your weekend with our very best recommendations. We are bursting with them, but we're gonna try and pace ourselves. Holly, what's your recommendation for this week?
My recommendation is a show on Netflix that I know lots about louders are watching. It's called Missing You.
I haven't heard from Josh in eleven years. Maybe it's time tried something.
What about that up?
I signed you?
Up? With you and Detective Inspects Kat Donovan. Today we're appealing for information regarding the disappearance of Rishie mcgari a.
Steprel's missing. You're the only one, the conflctor.
That's number one on Netflix.
It is number one on Netflix. It is a British crime drama. It is written by Harlan Corbyn, who does all of those big, twisty British things. He did fool me once, which was massive, Right.
I feel like I watched one years ago and I didn't love it, Like maybe it felt a bit cheesy.
I don't know that everybody's gonna love it, but in terms of a show that's really binge able and like you kind of like need to know, the setup is great in my opinion, which is that so anyone who watches Slow Horses also will immediately recognize the lead. She's called Rosalind a Laser and she is a British actresses and made and she's in Slow Horses and she's one of the best things in Slow Horses and she has
the lead in this and she's a cop. And what you find out quite early on is that a her father, who was a cop, was murdered, but b eleven years ago, the love of her life, the guy who proposed to her, who she was building a life with, who she was obsessed with, just absolutely disappeared, like just ghosted, entirely disappeared from her life, not in a missing person way like he cleared out his clothes from the cupboard, he just
ghosted her. That's a great point, right, Okay, and then years later, all these years later, she's matched with him on a dating app. Oh wow, And that's where it starts, right And then it's like all these things. There are like three different storylines going on, because there's also this very grim missing person's case that she's working on. And as with all cop shows ever, it's like, you're getting too close to this case, I'm taking you off it.
I'm going to keep working on it anyway. Like it's got all those tropes that we are very familiar with, but it's also twisty and surprising, and it's got some really interesting characters in it. And I just once she gets matched with this guy, she can't let it go, as you wouldn't be able to, and all her friends are like, let it go, let it go, And then where it leads her. It's really good. It's called Missing You.
It is not like an artistic masterpiece, but it is just something that will give you lots of viewing pleasure over a few good hours.
Maya, how about you.
I read quite a few books, and two of the best that I read over the holidays will buy the same author that I've been hearing about for a while. Her name's Claire Lombardo. I think they're Reese book club picks. I started with her most recent book called Same As
It Ever Was, that was released last year. All her books, or the two books that I read, through the perspective of women, often women who were in their forties and fifties, and they look at families and family lives and family relationships. So it's not about murders or mysteries. It's not like that. It's really about interpersonal relationships. So Julia is this only stay at home mum who befriends this older woman called Helen. And not a huge amount happens, actually, but the characters
are just really really interesting. It's about career and marriage and parenting. It's just really funny. The characters are very interestingly drawn, and you just shit a merri pages. Yeah. Yeah, So they're set in America. And then I'm almost finished the one that she wrote before, which is called The Most Fun We Ever Had, which is quite famous. She wrote that in twenty nineteen, and that's like a multi generational novel about the science and family. It focuses on
this couple called Marilyn and David. They're deeply in love after forty years and they've got four daughters, and so this is all about themes of sibling rivalry and hidden struggles and you know, different timelines and secrets. There's a bit more mystery in that one, but they're just really really interesting, but a lot about marriage and relationships and parenting, but parenting older children.
I took on your recommendation from last year and read Margo's Got Money Trouble?
Yeah, did you like it?
And a few out louder said they didn't like it? And I must say I'm team Mayer on that. I love it so so good.
So that's being made into a movie or a TV series with Nicole Kidman playing I assume the mother, and I think it's Dakota Fanning playing Margo.
Oh nice, Yes, that works for me. I have a free app, very late to the party, Deepop. Are either of you on Deep Hop?
No?
What is Deepop? I've heard of it, but I have never used it.
So the young cool people in the office, every time you say where did you get that? Like, nice skirt, nice shirt, they go Deep Hop. And I thought my understanding was that it was an app where people like bought and sold clothes. But I thought it was designer. I thought it was very fancy clothes.
No, it's low end designer. So it's like label but not fancy.
Yeah.
So I thought I kind of self excluded because I was like, it doesn't sound like it's for me.
Is it like dish and witchery?
And and I have become obsessed with it. So I am a big Facebook marketplace person and this year what I'm trying really really hard to do is buy nothing new. I think there are enough clothes in the world you can do with just buying everything secondhand, and so I'm getting them from me and getting them from.
You actually has a Perkins in the system.
Exactly right, And I love that. People like where'd you get that? And I'm like, it's thrifted from me.
Yeah. A lot of my stuff isn't right for you, like a lot. I mean, God, if I could give you some clothes, I'd be stoked. But you've got very specific tastes and you don't just take any old thing.
I don't. I don't.
But what I love about this is that there's sellers, and so you can kind of follow a seller who's got a whole lot of stuff that they're selling lots of Australian based stuff. They do books, they do art, they do all of it. So it's more kind of clothes based and marketplace.
Do you know that it's going to be good quality? Because the thing about secondhand and testing is if you haven't touched it, felt it, smelt it, how do you know it's going to be good? Is the reason Deepop got a good reputation is because it's.
Yeah, it is good.
It's I've not heard of people having those experiences. Like people are pretty honest. Like you get lots of photos and that kind of thing, and so it'll have a price, like it'll say this is fifty bucks, but you can offer thirty or whatever. So you do of back and forth. But I'm absolutely loving it. Really easy to use, and then you get a bit of a I quite like the algorithm then gives you a bunch of suggestions. So it's like my most use app now. I just I don't hardly buy anything.
What things have you been buying? Yeah, it's nice to window shop.
I bought this dress the other day. You will find pieces that like you're not going to find anywhere else, that are cheap and that are probably like five years old or whatever. That someone bought in the US.
Is it good for looking for something specific? Like if I'm hunting, so I.
Needed from like it would be all that kind of stuff. And so what I like about it is that it's a you know, the real real does designer. That's if you want to do second that the marketing second and designer. But deep Hop is like fast fashion.
Yeah, fast fashion circular, which is really good. But like I needed hiking boots over the break, and I could buy any hiking boot I could buy in a shop. I don't need brand new hiking boots. Yeah, so that kind of stuff.
Was really tried. Selling some of your stuff.
Yeah, I think I will.
I don't have anything, but you'll buy the new just clothes or everything in the world.
Well, I don't really buy a new furniture. I've always done like Marketplace and stuff for furniture. I actually find it more enjoyable.
But I'm going to try.
Generally like really good.
Yeahs it's making me all the consumerism it war So anyway, Deep Hop great.
I'm actually going to be doing in the next few months a big sale of all of my clothes too. You need to get on Deepot raise money. I think I'm going to do it with debay. Can I have a fund to raise money. Well, I'm going to raise money for a rise up.
I can give you money for rise up. I'll buy from you.
You can have first look. Yeah, well it's going to all be coming into the office and we're going to we'll do we'll follow along on on socials as we put it all together, because we've got a catalog at all and photograph at all.
And I have said one of my recommendations, actually I got a lot of it because I've missed me obviously in the holidays is watching her try on all her jeens on Instagram. I love them, waiting to know. I'm just at home watching you try and jeans.
I must have blocked that contract from my peee.
And she was like she's tried on like every pair of jeans in a closet. She's like, these ones are too blue, these ones are too high, these and I was like, love this content.
These ones are too hungry. And sometimes I would just say this is never coming back because they wouldn't do off you.
This is definitely out of style.
Now, Like okay, Holy's like I'll take that father.
I've just been watching me A's arsle holdays after the break, a domestic goddess disaster, vacation mode, and New year disappointments. It's best and worst.
Every Tuesday and Thursday, we drop new segments of MUMMYA out Loud Just for MUMMYA subscribers. Follow the link in the show notes to get your daily dose of out Loud and a big thank you to all our current subscribers.
It's that part of the show where we reflect on our week. Well, the years just started, but every week has a high point and a low point or maybe so rule and today out Loud as we are bringing you the best and worst, not just of our week, but from our whole summer break since we last spoke to you basically.
Which was what three weeks ago.
Yeah, Jesse, let's kick off with you. What is your worst of the summer break?
Okay, my worst it was the cricket.
Hear me out.
You think you thinks, corresponding that you're going to have quality time with your partner. This might not be everyone's experience. Some people love cricket, but this was just my experience. Is it a gets a boxing day and you go, we're away, We're up the coast me. You were there, and I think this is going to be lovely. As a family. We don't get a lot of these days to just hang out, to reconnect, to go for swim,
to talk, to reflect on the universe. But instead there is what seventeen hours of cricket.
Also, it was exciting, apparently a lot of shouting cricket. This is not my sport, but there was a lot of shouting in.
There was shouting and you just lose someone for days at a time.
Oh see, this was my best, one of my best.
I found it so annoying. And then every year I go, I like sport. I could get into this and I sit down and I go, all right, what are we doing? Are we doing about? And then we're doing a ball? Great, what do we want this guy to do? What do we want to happen here? And they say, well, if he hits the stump spot and they explain it, then something else happens and everyone cheers, and I'm like, I'm
not following. We went to the pub one day. I think you were looking after Luna Maya and I was like, let's reconnect, and so Luca and I went up to the pub phone out watching the cricket like so antisocial.
See I didn't watch. I don't think a minute of it.
But what I really.
Love about the cricket is I love being around people but not having to actually talk to them or engage with them. I also like that not everybody's on the individual devices. It's the only one of the few communal activities. So the TV's on, the cricket's on. I don't know, it just feels like summer to me. The noise of it in the background.
I wish I was a part of it.
Reading my book. Oh no, I don't want to be a part of it. So it's too stressful. I find it enormously stressful.
I know there are lots of women who love cricket, so I don't mean to stereotype, but I have the same problem that you. My family loves cricket. It loves cricket, Lots of my friends love criocket. The problem is that when you walk in the room and you say who's winning, they can't answer that question. Where is it? Every other sport you can answer that question, Yeah, where are we?
What's happening? No one can answer it. And then suddenly someone with like god, yeah, and then it finishes two days early. Like I don't I don't understand how the sport works. Okay, my best was actually my birthday. So we broke just before my birthday. And I've spoken a lot about this.
Is that not really just your birthday anymore? No?
Exactly right. All three make Clara Matilda our birthday. And for pretty much as long as I've been with Luca, haven't done anything for my birthday because I have this fear that no one's going to come. Time of year, all of that, and then I got to a week out and I went, no, screw this. I love it when someone has a birthday thing because I like going and I can't just leave it to them. And so I said, I'm going to this RSL on my birthday for a drink at five o'clock. You can come or
you can not come. I'll be there with a margarita. Pretty Much everyone came.
I couldn't believe it.
I looked around and they were like, that's fifteen twenty people there. On the twenty first of December, which was a Saturday night, had the most lovely night and didn't go to bed with that regret of like maybe I should have done something to celebrate or went to the Wiggles, which was lovely today.
Yeah, my worst coincidentally, was that you didn't invite me.
Well, I needed a babysitter, didn't I.
Yeah, fair, I'll take one for the team. As Jessie said, we were away up the North coast out of Oka Beach with our family over the Christmas break. We've been going up to Avocus since I was about four years old, so almost fifty years. This year, on Christmas Eve, a fifteen year old called Luca Bennett was swept off the
rocks with two of his friends up there. He drowned and for the next few days until his body was recovered, family and friends gathered on those rocks, which were just about one hundred meters from where we were staying, and it was so tragic. It was just the most tragic, tragic thing that was just a reminder that things can
happen out of the blue. My youngest son is about the same age I, like Luca, grew up going to those rocks and it was just surreal to be having this beautiful time with our family while watching the family and friends of this young guy who just had his whole life ahead of him. It was just incredibly confronting and distressing.
And to have that nightmare unfold yeah from you, and to see it, to watch the grief, oh yeah, over days and the work of the lifeguards and the rescue crew, and the amount of people that that tragedy touched.
And the different groups of people that would come. There was a little memorial made with flowers, and they had like a can of milow and his photo and people writing messages, and the group of lifesavers would calm and everyone would applaud them, and they had a vigil and the parents and you know, our heart goes out to anybody. There's never a good time or an easy time to lose a loved one, but there's something about the poignancy
of it being around Christmas that was just devastating. My best of my holiday break was not working, and I just spent three straight weeks just with family and doing nothing and producing nothing. And I usually have a really hard time adjusting from the frantic nature of work to switching off, and I always need to throw myself into a project or teach myself a new thing, or start
a new idea or write something. And I had all these plans for I was going to do this audio s heres and I was going to do this and that didn't do any of it. It was going to write all these new newsletters, didn't do any of it. I didn't post anything really except for that Jane's content, which I'd actually made a couple of months before. I just had forgotten about it, and I just felt really good.
I just let myself just not create anything, because so much of my self worth and my just the only thing I know how to do is make stuff and produce, produce, produce, and work work work, work, work, And it was just that special time when you can't get it at any other time of the area, where its feel like if you're fortunate enough to be able to have time off over Christmas, it's like worth ten times that same amount of time at any other time of year because no
one's else's working, so it's not like you need to still check your inbox and you need to still be on slack and you need to I could just come.
I thought your best was going to be me to my family Christmas.
Oh.
I did love that. I did love coming to your family Christmas and me, I mean I know those almost everyone I met a couple of new people, but that was great. I really loved it. Because we had to we usually have a bunch of people at our place, we had to cancel that, and so we decided because I like a bit of Christmas year yep, So Coco and I came to that on the way coast and it was beautiful.
I'm very impressed by your best because you have often said all the years i've known you that you really struggle with holidays, and I remember you wrote about it once and a lot of people felt really seen by that because I think the default for all of us is like we love holidays, love holidays, and I love holidays. But it's really interesting that you're changing. Yeah, growing, she's growing, Jesse.
This time last year I was in a really bad place, just I was just not great. And this year I just really appreciated. I loved that for you, the unclenching.
Although I'm upset to know that my Geen's content wasn't it wasn't fresh. My best and worst are actually into because I'm going to do it a bit back to from because my best was actually that Also, I had three weeks of doing nothing, which was glorious, and I also pretty much had three weeks at home. Now, we nearly always go away holidays. Usually my parents come. It's obviously really not great that they couldn't come this year,
but we had three very quiet weeks. We came out with Sydney for a few days, but apart from that, we were just home. And I loved being home, which is growth for me because I do not really I don't really love being I'm not really a home person, but I'm becoming one. And I loved it. I loved it, loved it. But the worst part of it is that I also am overreaching in my domestic Godess, stay this, I'm trying. I feared this woulden too hard and failing badly.
So we hosted for Christmas. We had our big potty of our Sydney family friends.
How many people did you have?
We had three other families, so we had lots of children, We had three dogs, We had like the whole thing staying at our house for a few days.
I'm so sorry, Megan, show didn't drop before you could have really.
Done with that. I made a Christmas lunch and that all actually went quite well. One of my friends really wanted pineapple and cheese on sticks. And I did that and that looked really ugly, but it was delicious. Anyway. That went really well. But then I got over confident, and so later in the holidays when we had some friends come to visit, some of Brent's friends we hadn't seen for ages, and they came for like a late lunch, and I said, I've got this. I'm going to do
a slow roasted lamb shoulder. You know, one of those ones that falls apart you see on the TV and you have with like a salad and a wrack. I'm going to do that. No, they take a long time.
Did you start an hour before?
And I didn't ask. I've got a domestic goddess friend, Tory. I should have asked her. I didn't ask her. Happened to bump into her in the shops two hours into this incident. I said, I'm making a slow ro slam for lunch, because darling, you're not. You're not making a slow row slam for lunch. It would have needed to be in four hours or any So. Yeah, these lovely people arrive. The lamb's raw. Oh no, everyone sits down.
I give everyone a drink, a bit of hummus. I'm like, he'll be ready, and it was like five o'clock, still not ready to have six.
O'clock, still not ready, like.
Was his lun And then I got really annoyed with myself and everybody else saw ruined Brent. Obviously, I just wanted everyone to go, but I didn't give them any food.
Did you make them leave with some raw lamb in a billy.
And the man in the other family ross he went, just can I look at this lamb? And I was like no, And I was like okay, and he gets it out and he goes babe shaking anyway, so he sliced it anyway. So that was I overreached and it was edible. It was edible, but it was like dry and wrong and just not and I got very upset, and then it was tense and everyone was tense, and I had to send my friends a message the next day saying I'm really sorry that I got so upset about lunch.
Megan Martin doesn't have to worry about you cutting her.
Grass about thirty I thought that's just what lamb tasted like, because I thought that lamb you chewed it for two and a half minutes before swallowing it, because that's the lamb my impatient mother made.
And Billy gets over stimulate. There was a disastrous afternoon and then we killed a tree in the garden, like because also overreaching. I thought I could repot this beautiful little tree that lives in a pot and our thing because the go back to work. The roots have broken out of the pot and started going under the house. I thought that can't be good, so I'll just saw those off the tree and that's I'm not like, it's actually really sad that the tree died. So now I'm
looking around for a new tree. I like I'm overreaching. I'm trying too hard. So my best my to intertwined. I love being home. It was peaceful, it was glorious. But I need to get a hold of myself.
I am not to naturally recalibrate. I think it's tomato.
Back to lettuce tomatoes. I know you're right, that is it, I think. For our wonderful Friday show, we hope you've enjoyed it, and a massive thank you out loud As for being back with us this week. We're going to be back in your ears, of course on Monday, Jesse and Mia read us out.
A big thank you to our team. Group executive producer Ruth Divine, who says that the older she gets, the bigger her, Let the fucket bucket becomes.
Executive producer Emmeline gazillis a fierce believer in let them. How else do you think she deals with us?
Let those pictures, as she says. Our audio producer is Leah Porges, who says that hanging onto friendships where it's become a one way street, is a road to nowhere. And so she says, I can't control their behavior, so I don't try. She just lets them.
Video producer Josh Green is a musician, so yeah, everyone's going to judge his performance, but who cares. He is up on stage having fun. Let them hate it if they want to, but we don't. We don't, No, we don't love it.
Ow loud As. If you're not quite ready to say goodbye, please remember that. This week on our subscriber episodes, we've been unpacking all the topics, all the things that happened in the news cycle that we were desperate to talk about.
Golden Globes.
So we talked about the Golden Globes gave her fashion rundown. We talked about Hugh Jackman and the timing of that very public outing. We talked about the divorce letter that Ariana Grande's new boyfriend's ex wife wrote.
And the latest on the Justin Baldonian Blake Lively.
Links to those episodes are of course in the show notes. We'll see you next week. Bye.
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