You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.
Mamma Mere acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to Mamma Mia out Loud and to our Friday show where we take a break from the news cycle.
And breathe out.
He's sound relaxed.
It's the noise I make also after I drink tea, which I happen to have here. Listened you want to die today?
It's Friday, the fourth of October, and I am bollywayen Wright only Friedman.
I'm Jesse Stevens and may you had a birthday this week. And there are two things that make you sound of well seamol. The first is what you just did like that.
Yes.
The second I've been wanting to bring this up, but you know any thinker, but you don't bring it up. Is that when you have scripts that sometimes I know it is, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean.
Intro, you lick your finger when you.
Turn every time turns the page.
It doesn't help.
I don't understand. It does because it gives you traction, like it makes the page stick. But I agree with you. I don't understand. I was talking to someone else who does this? Why does it start? When you are a certain age you start licking your fingers and I.
Can hear it to microponion, and then you do it, and my mum does it, and like your.
Brand does it.
Oh yeah, why I've never seen anyone under the edge because you slippery.
I don't know why I do it for your fingers get less traction.
You lose the lubrication. It's like you.
Finger so you need friction on anyway, never mind.
On the show today, cheat codes for life?
Do you need one? What are they? And what are ours?
It's a chaotic Friday wisdom dump plus recommendations, which include the TV show that I would really rather be at home watching right now, and so would you.
Also, Jesse has something depressing for you to watch.
Correct and Mere's deep fashion hyper focus and ugly birthday cakes, debunking teenage conspiracies, and a very confronting driver's license photo.
Yes it's our best and worst, but first we are Friedman friends. Have you noticed something weird is happening with party invitations? Jesse? You drew it to my attention and now I'm noticing it everywhere. What's going on?
So?
What is going on. There was an article in Slate all about this new trend where party invitations they're arriving too early, earlier and earlier. They think we don't notice. But this Shria Murphy, She's created an event planning app. She's actually charted this. She actually has some data to support her point, which is that they've seen a fourteen percent increase in the median time between when someone creates
an event and when the event actually happens. So apparently the invitations are being sent twenty percent earlier than they ever have. So you're not imagining it. You are getting invites for things in twenty twenty five, which is in another lifetime.
I got invited to a wedding mix him and I got invited to It is a destination though, three or four months ago. Yeah, it's in Italy.
I think that's your exception. My thing is like it'll be a kid's birthday invitation, or it'll be girls drinks, and we're talking months months in advance.
Well like with a like one of those paper paperless post Do you mean that you get chat both both? Oh? Like someone will say, let's make it so for my group chats when we try to organize something, often it does have to be long way in advance because this one can't do then, and this one's traveling and this one can't.
So we're too busy. Are we all too busy? And so we've got to go months and months in advance in order to secure anymouw Jesse, Oh, that's a really great question. Well, what's awkward about this whole thing is that I'm free next weekend and actually the weekend after. So I keep getting these invites and it's like, pencil it in or write it in your diary for April twenty twenty five, and I'm like, don't know if I'll be in Australia, don't know if you'll feel like it.
I don't know, because that's the future, and the future and by them exactly makes.
Me feel claustrophobic committing to anything more than two weeks in advance.
I feel similarly. I think it used to be pretty customary if you're having a birthday or something two weeks and now I feel like it's I know, if it's.
A wedding or a big occasion, like when we did our upfronts for work, I know this is a work function but we did a save the date. A save the date basically means we don't have our shit together yet to have made an invitation and worked out the details, but we just want to make sure you don't miss out.
I understand that, especially when big bucks are being spent, but if it's like a birthday.
It's just DIBs.
It's just somebody going I'm calling DIBs on that day, and I'm going to call DIBs in that day ages in advance, because then none of you have got an excuse to not come. That's the whole reason for it, because as Mia just said, we've all got ridiculously busy. I Am not that popular or busy, but I've got groups of friends that we just cannot seem to make it work.
I haven't seen them all.
Year, and that's because you're away every weekend. Tollywayne right, You've got a lot going on.
Well, and I travel lot for work and all the rest of it.
But it's just hard.
But then I'm a last minute person, so I will remember that it's my kid's birthday in two weeks and text everybody who needs to come to their party and go thinking of having something for Billy on you know, next Saturday morning, and everyone's like, your life had that blackout for two years.
But it's interesting, isn't it?
Because you're either a last minute personally or not. I could never organize anything that far. But Penny has already organized my birthday party. It's not a birthday party, birthday dinner, which is at Christmas. Oh my goodness, yeah to calling DIBs.
Okay. My view on this is that it is about mental load, and the worst thing when you are trying to organize anything is this one saying I can't come, but I can't come, but I'm away that weekend, and then it goes back and forth until you lose the will to have an event at all.
Do you guys use polls?
What's that?
Every group chat I have now has a pole function and we have vote on the date where you have to vote on the date. And I recently there was a girl's you know, there might be fifteen of us, and I went, I've not been carrying them mental load. I don't know how to do this, but I've.
Got to learn.
I've got to get on the hold.
You made a poll.
I made a poll and I said, can you do the twenty first of October for dinner. Can you do this?
Day's such a good idea. And then we just go on everyone's back and I can do it. Oh no, wait and so and then you wait, and then there's always a laggard. And then you're like, hey, we're waiting for you, Jesse, can you make that date?
And you're like, no, the most popular date wins. What's your cheat code for life? I just told you mine, and it's my polls. But there was a good one. That's a good one. The thing you swear by that opens doors makes everything easier and you wish you knew earlier. There is a Reddit thread going viral where people share their insights, and some are pretty obvious, from looking people in the eye to learning to say no to getting enough sleep. Here are some other popular examples I came
across get everything in writing. So if you're in a meeting and your manager promises you something, then make sure you get them to email it to you. Or let's say your accountant assures you of something and it just sounds a bit like I would want to just confirm that. Get it in writing. Another one is you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
That's very good advice.
I love that one. And no one stops someone carrying pizza. You can get backstage at concerts. Now we don't can don't trespassing, but think about it. If someone came to this off and they just had a few things of pizza and it smelt good, I'd let him in if you were backstage, if we were backstage at Out Loud, back to go on stage for our show.
Don't give people ideas unless they have pizza, in which case come on after the show.
You're allowed. We asked people in the Mummeya office what their cheat code to life is, and here's what they told us.
My life pack is don't put the email address of the person you're emailing in until you've written and double checked your email. It really saves any unedited or unfinished emails being sent accidentally.
The biggest lesson it was actually from my dad that my dad ever taught me was always admit when you've made a mistake. If you can do anything in life is always admit when you're wrong and when you've made a mistake because that way, you're always going to reflect on your behavior and your role in something, and it also makes you look at the other side of things.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I try to take a moment and take five deep breasthts. I think this helps me process what has happened and to not overreact.
When I'm talking to someone new, I try to remember one personal fact about them. If I know that I'm going to see them again, like the name of their dog or what suburb they live in, I can ask them about it the next time I see them. Then they know that I've listened to them and that I care what they're saying, and hopefully they can become more trusting of me after that.
So if I'm ever in a situation where I'm asked for my opinion about something that's important or a big decision or something that I just know it's going to take a lot of thought, it's just in the moment saying hey, let me just sleep on this and get back to you tomorrow. I used to think that I needed to sort of have an answer straight away ready to go, but sleeping on something just always gives me so much more clarity.
Okay, so my friend has this great cheek code. She always looks smart at the airport, and she reckons that's the secret to getting upgraded to business class.
One of the best things I got from a parenting book is just add water. So if your kid is losing their shit, you either put them outside with the sprinklers, throw them in the bath, or give them a drink of water. I've actually started doing that myself, and it is a game changer. So if I've got a tough decision to make, or if i want to go and yell at someone, I'll take a shower first, I'll drink a glass of water. It always calms me down and it always works.
Out loud As Hollywood's enthusiastically agreeing with almost all of those hues, like yep, yep, that works, Yep, I agree, I do. I don't do them all, but they're all very good.
I also to ask the out louders they had any and here are some that they came up with. I really like this one from Brooks. She says, I'm a big fan of don't put it down, put it away, So you're not allowed to, like just put your bag down. It's got a place, put it away. Another one from Kirby. Every Sunday I make uniform packs for each kid, so school uniform, undie socks, roll it up and put a rubber band around it. They go in baskets in our buffet, and each morning kids go and grab their own pack
and get dressed. I wish I was like her, I'm not too. Another one that I really liked was from Chloe. This is again for kids, which is every time you're giving medication, text your partner what time because you forget, you know how it's got to be like four or six hours away.
But if you don't have a partner, text.
Anyone, text yourself. Yeah, make a note of it, Liz, good quality roboback. I would really like a robovacking. My other one actually is, and I've started doing this. I never regret it is taking a photo of where I parked that, yeah, because I have just told it.
And then I always to take a photo of if you're in the shopping center, the place that you enter the shopping center, because it's all very well knowing you're on C seven, but you can't remember where C seven is exactly right, and if you know that you came in next to T two.
Then you're fine, Yes, yes, Maya. You had a birthday this week, so i'd hope that you'd learned a few lessons. What are some of your cheat codes?
I have written down four I could just think of off the top of my head. Right. The first is if you are someone who has to have daily medication but you sometimes can't remember if you've had it or not. I now have a pill box with the days, and I just dispense all my pills, you know, every couple of weeks into this pill box. But the other way to do it is to say out loud, I'm having my pill now on Tuesday. As you have it, I say it.
You'd be so annoying to live with. I know you're annoying to live Yeah you did. Where do you buy those pill boxes?
Chemist?
Yeah?
Or Amazon? Chemist?
You think you know, and then you get into bed and you go, no, no, I took that pill.
Yeah I was that yesterday. And it's like, I think I have a memory of taking that pill. I'm always living in my head, and half the time I'm on an automatic pilot. I don't remember what I've done or what I haven't done. It might not be a pill It might be if you always forget to turn off your hair straight now and you know you're driving to work and you're like, did I turn it off? And you're like, so I'm turning off my hair straightener today on Tuesday.
I know it. Oh, it's so weird.
Moving on, We're next to life.
That's like how you tell come live with me, knock your head up three times on the pillow, and go, I will not have a bad dream tonight.
I've found another check code. If you don't want to have a bad dream. Just before you go to sleep, imagine white color white, like white, like looking at a white sheet, like with your eyes closed, a white wall or something like that. If you just think white, white, white, and then you won't have a bad scientific take her away. My next cheak code for life is when I'm feeling really emotional and I'm having big feelings that seem out of proportion to the thing that's happening that never happened.
It doesn't happen very often, so I don't know why you would need a cheat code.
Thanks so much, Happy birthday, Except I always forget this cheat code. But please mind. I had a therapist who used to do this and she would say, how old do you feel right now? Pet? She would say, and that sounds passive aggressive, but she was never being passive aggressive. She like, I didn't mind her calling me pet, but it was very clarifying. It immediately tunes you in or tunes me into, going, I feel six years old? What was going on in my life when I was six
years old? What does this feel like to me? And if you literally say to yourself, either out loud or in your head, particularly if you're having an argument with someone, if you just are like, how well do you feel right now? Pet? So here's something I warn against is asking your partner bash because I've tried that with my partner and he's tried that with me because we were at the therapist together and we both found it pretty useful.
But anyway, that can make things a bit worse. But I find that to me to be really clarifying because at the time, you genuinely do believe that your big feeling is about this thing, but it feels like you've been a bit taken over and you don't understand why you're so upset. Anyway, So that helps my next one. And I've got so many Okay, this is a really good one. How to make a decision. So you know, when you're a bit like I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know what to do. Sometimes you can overthink it, you can over intellectualize it, and you just need to get in touch with your gut. And your gut is actually not we will, it's actually just the accumulation of all the experiences that you've ever had. And your gut is good. So what you do is you say to yourself, should I go to this part? If I want to go to this party or not, I don't know, I don't know. Can I be bothered? Say to yourself, I'm
definitely going to this party. I'm definitely going. As if you've made the decision, and see what emotion comes up in you, and it might be relief, it might be dread, dread, it might be nausea, exciting, and then just observe that for a second and then just go, Okay, I'm definitely not going to this party. And observe what And it
might be relief, it might be disappointment. It might be And someone taught me that when I didn't know whether I should move overseas to New York or take a job as editor of Cosmo, and I was really torn because they were both pretty exciting opportunities, and she talked me through that, and it's something that I've used a lot of times since and it never gets me wrong. And then the last one is something I learned from
this podcast many years ago. Instead of saying I'm sorry, say thank you for your understanding, and then you kind of manipulate someone into not being mad with you, so.
Like in emails or life, in meetings or.
Like I'm so sorry I'm late, it's like, thank you so much for understanding I've just had the worst morning, or yes, I couldn't coind apart.
You've said as well, when I say i'm sorry, I then put some responsibility on you to make me feel better, which is really annoying for the person who's been.
Saying like I'm so sorry and they're just like yeah. But if you just go thank you so much for understanding or for not leaving or whatever, it is like it flips it and it gives the person a compliment and some status for being a good person and kind of tricks them into being less mad with you.
Holly, what do you have Okay, you have some cheek cuts.
I have no practical ones because my practical life is terrible. You know the people who are like like the lady with the school uniform. I wish I was that, but I'm never that, and I just can't get my shit together in that way. But I have like other ones this one. Who did we steal this from me? I'm always fuck first?
Oh? Yes, that was from Dan Savage who has the sex podcast. This is very good advice.
Does this mean that you should say with people all the time?
Away?
What it means?
So this is particularly good advice for a phase in your life. Right, So imagine this. You and your partner have got a date night, and it's rare that you've got a date night because you know, you've got kids and you've got whatever. But maybe you find the kids out to their grandparents for the night, maybe whatever, and you go, it's going to be great. We're gonna go out for a meal, we're gonna have cocktails, and we're gonna come home, we're gonna have sex.
Gonna be great. No, you're not, you know what I mean.
Like, by the time you've gone out and you've had the cocktails and you've eaten the food, and what you want to do when you come back is line on the couch and watch something stupid.
Asleep. You feel bloated, you'll get sloppy. Fuck first.
Always getting ready for a wedding, it's a sauning date. Fuck first, then go out, got a dinner date, Fuck first, always fuck first.
That is, you've got a big meal, you're not feeling no.
Late night sex is not it when you're not like it's different when you're in a different phase of your life. But when you're an established so they go, you weren't expecting sex, cheek.
Because then you have an empty stomach.
Yeah yeah, And also about with the spring in your step, and then when you sit there at dinner you're not.
Like, it's just good. It's just always a good plan. That's very sound.
I really like that one. You too, won't agree with me about this. Anyone who bitches to you is also bitching about you. That is a fine bitch words to live by. You know how we often talk about how you need people in your life. You can bitch too, and you do right like generally. But people who always bitch to you about everybody, they are also bitching to everybody.
Okay, okay, without question, but I'm not bitching about everybody on my bitch about like two people to you, but I'm not bitching about you. Do you believe me? Oh my god, she doesn't.
I realized that about when I used to get Brazilian bikini waxes and my waxa used to tell me things about her other clients. Yes, And I was a bit like, no, that's true.
Right in professional settings, this is particularly true, I agree. Like, sometimes you'll interview someone for a job when I've been a manager, and actually me is terrible this because she always tries to get people to bitch in job interviews. But like if the person that you're interviewing will bitch about their current employer.
But it's a test, hire them.
That's why I do it.
Yeah, it is. It's a test and forgossip person, thank you for your understanding. But I love it.
Listening and changing your mind is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Yea one hundred. Every time strong opinions lose me.
Hell, people who are very much like you know, oh you used to think this, and no you think that, and you said that that time and all that stuff. They don't know what they're doing. Those people, they're silly. And if you don't have a better idea, shut the fuck up.
That is something I was by a lot.
You know, when you're just like I don't like that, that's wrong. Da da da da da, And you can get into a really negative cycle. You've got to ask yourself, have I got a better idea?
Do I think?
How would I do it?
And honest yeah, is it better? Always? Yeah, that's what?
And can you be bothered to do it? Because you probably can't, in which case forget about it.
Yeah, exactly.
There are some Okay, mine are weird. Good one that I have is about memory. I've said it before, years and years ago, but this is something I did when I was studying at school, and I read this fact somewhere and the fact might not be true. It doesn't matter. If you want to remember something, memorize something, whether it's like a speech or a fact or notes. I'll print it on green paper. I read it once. Apparently if you read off green paper, it's a trigger for memory.
Do you have green paper for that purpose?
I used to. I haven't needed it recently, but if I was like doing a speech where I felt like I needed to know this completely off by heart. I would do it on green paper.
I wonder if you can replicate that on your phone, because I mean, who's going to go out and buy green paper?
See? I always do paper. I think phones very very different. I think that my brain is wired to forget everything I look at that's on are I think when it's on paper, it holds totally different.
So did you like print out all your school notes on green paper? Yeah?
Yep? And how green green that I'm still like read it like that the black is still visible. But even if it's not, if I'm telling my brain this green paper means I'll memorize it, it's like pale green.
Yeah.
So that's always helped me. My rule for emails or messages or anything is do not open it until you can reply.
That's a really good rule because I always forget that rule, and that's why I'm very bad on email.
I've got a minute, I'm going to read it. I'll go. I'll get back to that later. No, I won't.
Now, my memory is not good enough for that. I use the Pomodori method for just about everything. Yeah, so timing, yep. I have a stopwatch for everything I do, what it is. It's like recently I had this big ish project that I had to complete, and it was like pulling teeth. I just was not enjoying any I knew I needed to do it, but it was a job, and every time I sat down to do it, I would go, you're going to do twenty minutes. Look the clock, time it now, and just get twenty minutes of it.
So it's like you almost have to sneak up on yourself. Yep, yeah, I do that.
I set thirty minutes on my phone, and then I put my phone in a drawer somewhere away.
Yep.
And then when my thirty minutes goes off, that I focus. I'm allowed to play with my phone for four minutes.
Then I have to put another timer on.
It actually makes you satisfied because sometimes when you're doing projects, you can spend twenty minutes doing something and you've got no more words, and you actually don't feel like you've got anywhere, but you always have. So it's a way of measuring progress. Another one I have is when you're speaking to someone and they're telling you something, say you're right, rather than I know, like if I'm really engaged and Holly, you're telling me about the substance and your analysis of it,
and I say, yeah, I know, yeah, I know. It's quite dismissive, and it sounds like I think I know everything. It makes you feel a lot smarter if I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right, you're right, it's true, which I think is helpful for relation.
That's interesting tangent on that is that I found this particularly when I had little kids and everyone's giving you a lot of advice. Oh, and people like push it onto you. And I used to try and push back like I used to resent it, and then I realized they'll keep going until you say, what a great idea, Yeah, that will shut them up. Then they'll move on because they think that you're going to do it and you're not. But you just say that to make them still on them.
You just go. That is such a if anyone's giving you advice you don't want to take.
My last one is argue the point, not the person related to that, and never argue on the internet. But anyone I see, or even if I'm having a discussion or an argument with someone, there is a threshold by which they've completely lost me and it's like any name calling, even in people that I really respect their opinion, It's like, at that point, I've just write it off. And it's something that's really really hard to keep yourself accountable for.
And I think I'm better at it now than I was five years ago, and hopefully in five years I'll be much much better at it. But like playing the ball, not the player or whatever.
So you mean, like the way the Internet's made everyone jump straight to you're a racist, you're a fascist, ye, or.
Even like the vice presidential debate this week, Roundly people are generally saying Jade Vance won that and all the leftist people don't like him, right, including myself. But rather than admitting that he won that, you know, like, but that doesn't mean we should all go.
Out and vote for him.
They're all going, look at his stupid way he looks stupid, Look at his stupid eyeline. I look at his stupid and it's not eyeliner. But that's not the point. But it's like petty name calling. I'm like, immediately I think a lot less of that person.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
I also think that if we're having an argument and you say something that I don't agree with, and then I go, well, you would think that because and I bring up something from your personal life, I've clearly lost my either train of thought or my point, because if my point's strong enough, then I don't need to start character assassinating you or making assumptions about your life. Yeah, it's something that I try and hold myself too.
Smart, because by calling someone a name, you just immediately shut down any possibility of conversation.
Or making something personal that isn't personal.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, because then immediately just put somebody's back up and you don't. Yeah, I agree, good one. I've got one more sleep on it. Always, always, always, everything i'm really really upset about. I nearly always feel better the next day. So unless you can't sleep on it, because it's a decision that needs to be made right now.
How about but everyone says about not going to bed angry with your partner. What do you think of that?
Oh?
No, sometimes I'm not a grudge keeper, so I couldn't be. Like I've got friends who cannot speak to their partner for three days and live in the same house.
I could never ever do that.
It's just not my nature. It doesn't mean I'm particularly not. It's just like I'm more of a goldfish, do you know what I mean. So that's not so much of a problem.
I think they's sleep on it things interesting because I try to be that sometimes, but then I do sleep because you have to in the course of an argument, and then I just kind of lose interest. Grade Maybe that's good, right, yeah, because it can be frustrating when I want to hold it. If it was worth holding, you maybe would hold it.
Out Louders please jump in to the mummy or out Louders Facebook group. We've got a thread in there that will pin with a whole lot of cheat codes for life. Please jump in and add yours. I am reading all of them.
That's actually a low path.
It's Friday, and we're going to help you set up your weekend for maximum pleasure and enjoyment and intellectual stimulation. Mea Friedman, what is your recommendation for this week?
It's very specific And if anyone has been following some of the videos I've been putting of my outfits on Instagram lately, I've become very fixated with Copenhagen Street style.
See I don't know anything about this and I need you to explain it to me.
Are you talking about Copenhagen the place?
Yeah, not the ice s creen, No, that's Hargan Dash.
Is there a brand Copenhagen.
No, it's a city, all right, Yeah, it was a city, but in which our Mary is queen, the queen of that. Okay, So I'm not very good about geography, and I just learned that Copenhagen's in Denmark. I didn't know where it was anyway. There's a particular style of fashion that comes out of Copenhagen, and it's very I can't explain it.
Your vibe, right, your vibe, it's like cool edgy, baggy.
Yeah, it's things that don't match obviously. Do you know how we did our three words? It's my three words, so it's comfortable. It's a bit quirky. That wasn't one of my words, but it's a bit quirky and it sparks joy. So it's like there's a lot of color, there's interesting textures.
Where do I find it? Because you keep telling me this, but I haven't found any.
So I literally just go to YouTube, and this is very interesting. I used to watch the news in the morning when I was on the treadmill each morning. Now I just go to YouTube exactly. I go to YouTube and I just search Copenhagen street style and there are videos and I just watch them. I just watch people in Copenhagen and they ride bikes and they're stylish, and I just watch them and it is so soothing and usually there's music.
It's fun. I'm looking at it now. Was there a fashion week recently?
A fashion week recently?
Like I like this purple thing.
Yeah, this is so Some of the brands that are Copenhagen is Bauman, Fettergarten and Gharany is one that you might have heard of. Those kind of iconic shoes. They're called Garni ballery Is shoes.
Was gharney from Copenhagen, Yeah.
Gharney's I think it's all yeah no, but it's a style. You don't have to buy those labels. It's not about I don't let look at the things and go I'm going to go and buy that thing. It's more a vibe. It's a vibe and I'm just obsessed and I I think I want to go and live in Copenhagen for a bit next year. As if.
Next year you have you made yourself? I know, I think it would be very exciting to.
Go and do that. I'm all for midlight. Yeah, I've just stopped resisting my hyperfixations. And it's just like I'm in Copenhagen at the moment, and that's where I like to be.
You know how, when my little girl Learner is at your place, sometimes she watches dogs at the park, dog TV, Dog TV, This is your dog TV, this is my dog TV.
It's really soothing for my brain because I can't just be on the treadmill or anything without having something to watch. But it's very, very soothing, particularly at the moment when the news story is so blue and it's slow, because often the videos are into my emotion and I don't like talking. I don't want people to say what they're wearing. I just like the ones with music that shows the people walking in the street. All right, it's my creative mate.
Think I'll be here and I'll be gone. Is this Copenhagen? What about this? I thought I was French. France isn't that far from Denmark?
Maybe?
Anyway.
I can't even tell you how much I would rather be at home right now watching nobody wants this.
I've just started.
We've done this podcast for like one hundred and eighteen episodes, and this story you're telling it just.
Sounds like very familiar. All right, I could make healthier relationship choices.
Hi everyone, I'm Joanne.
I'm Noah.
Did you know what. There's a rabbi here? No shit, yeah where he.
Has a beard and he was definitely judging me. Sounds like a rabbi. Here's your farm.
There is not a Jewish bone in her body unless you put one in her sh you're the rabbi.
It's heart right.
I'm sure all the out Lauder is watching it.
In fact, they were in the group saying watch this, and I was like, everybody's telling me to watch it. We've all got to watch it. And it is on Netflix. It is a rom com series starring Kirsten Bell and Adam Brodie. And he's a rabbi and she's a chaotic podcaster who has a sex podcast with her sister from Succession, Yes, from Succession, she was Willa and they are falling in love and it is the most delightful silly show. The
episodes are all short, which makes me happy. Some of it's funny I've left out loud three times so far, watch three episodes, so that's one last pre episode.
That's not bad.
The chemistry is amazing and I love it. My friends based Emily in Paris, that's my thing. I want to watch.
My non Jewish friends keep texting me who was single? Do you know any sexy rabbis you can introduce me to?
So I have questions for my Jewish friend because obviously, because the plot line is he's a rabbi, she's not.
Jewish person, which is what I am.
And in fact, I listened to Kristin Bell and Adam Brody being interviewed about this on Jax Shepherd's podcast Funny that because he's married to Christin Bell, and it was going to be called Shisa because they produced it obviously, so siser is what they said.
It's like talked out of it. Yeah, it's like a slang. It's not a derogatory term at least I don't think it is. It's slang for a woman who isn't Jewish.
And so, for example, when Kristin Bell turns up at the synagogue and all the family see her, and the family are all very pissed off about the shiksa like very pissed off, and that's gonna be the whole point of this.
I wanted to know.
And I know you might not have watched enough of it, but the stereotypes of the Jewish family in this are very, very boldly drawn. Right there's the overbearing mother who she's going to lose her mind if he doesn't marry a Jewish woman. There's the sister in law who's going to lose her mind if he doesn't marry a Jewish woman. All the women are like ah, and the men are all a bit woo. He himself is a wonderful character, like a really good guy. Is that offensive?
Like, I'm not offended by it, Like, of all the things that are going on at the moment, that's not on my list of things that I find problematic. No, Like, there's truth in stereotypes right often. And I'm only speaking for myself, And again I haven't watched much of it, so I don't know what's going to happen. But you know, I think in these very mainstream blockbustery shows, there are so many stereotypes that's kind of the point of them.
Like everyone is sort of reduced and there's like the gay Asian best friend and you know, so it's like there are many stereotypes of many different people. The thing that I think is funny is that now the cool job is being a podcast.
I know. And it's funny because her and her sister
are negotiating with Spotify to buy their podcast. In the show Spotify like it's sex, sex, and Kristen Bell because obviously she's getting a little bit cold feet because she's about fall in love and she's like, it's not just sex, it's feminism and blah blah blah, and she says to her sister, we don't just want to be a call your daddy knockoff, and her sister's like, no, God forbid, that pays thirty five million dollars to get our show contemporary.
It's very contemporary. It's funny, it's cute. The chemistry is amazing. And speaking of cheat codes, they said this on the interview I saw, but their first kiss is billed as the best kiss that either of them have ever had, right, and it's supposed to be the most amazing kiss and you can feel it through the screen. But she said it was all about his hand on her face. So yeah, speaking about cheat codes for life. Men and women just need to know that that hand on face is hot, hot, hot,
hot hot. The chemistry is great. Anyway, that's my reco.
My reco is a documentary on Netflix and depressing. Look I haven't watched the very very end yet, so I'm unclear on that. But an out Louder put it in the group over the weekend and was like, Jesse needs to watch this. Oh my goodness, this show has blown my mind. It's called Into the Fire The Lost Daughter, and it's actually produced by Charlie's the Run.
She'd been missing twenty one years when they finally found me. I was only seventeen years old when I put my daughter of her adoption. Throughout my life, she's always in my mind. When I found out she went missing, I thought, I gotta find this kid alive. I don't care if I have to walk over God's green Earth to do it. If I couldn't do any nothing else for her, I was going to do this.
And it's a two parter. It begins with a woman named Kathy and she had a child when she was sixteen who she placed for adoption. And it's complicated why she made that decision. She was sort of pushed into it by her mother, but she thought, I love this baby and I want this baby to have the most incredible life she can possibly have. She named the baby Alexis. Wanted her to find the best family, and so the
agency said, we found this great family. So she goes off to this family and she thinks about it every single day, but it's a closed adoption, so she can't know. And then she gets a letter in the mail. This isn't a spoiler years and years later that says, Hi, we're the adoption agency. We need a sample of your DNA because a body has just shown up and we think that it's your daughter and you're the only biological connection. And so she's like, what has happened? And it turns
out that at fourteen her daughter went missing. So it's anyone who has placed a child up for adoption your worst nightmare. Now the re and why this is such a fascinating documentary is because of Kathy, who has not met this well, she didn't meet the charge. She saw her last when she was about seven months old, but fights to find out what happened, what the truth about the family that she went to and uncovers all of this stuff, like it's one of those documentaries that you're
sitting there and you just gasped. Luca and I were just going, like the twists in the first episode are amazing.
And this is all real. When did that happen?
She got that letter in twenty ten, So it's about what's been happening over really the last ten years.
It's just amazing, unusual shit.
Yeah. It is called Into the Fire The Lost Order, and it is on Netflix.
Out loud as.
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It's time for our best and worst moments of the week, where we share a little more from our personal lives. Holly, do you want to kick off? What's your worst of the week.
My worst of the week is that my daughter, like every fourteen year old in the world, I imagine, is addicted to TikTok. That's where she gets all her world news from. Sometimes This is helpful because it's like adore into a topic I want to discuss. So she'll be like, what's happening with Trump and Harris and the American election? I want to know? Like I saw that he called her a blah blah and she said blah, and I'm like, teachable moment.
This is fun.
And sometimes it's just like a chaotic stream of conspiracy that just makes you realize one of the many reasons.
Why the world is so weird.
But what I think I'm on Matilda's.
Ticto, I think you must be.
This week, in particular, we talked about the P. Diddy allegations last week and the fact that he is currently in jail and on an ever increasing slate of charges of sexual abuse and sex trafficking and all kinds of awful things. And Matilda's TikTok algorithm is clearly obsessed with this, which is not great to start with, but it also it's so blatantly misogynistic. Like so she'll sort of say to me, so, what about that P Diddy stuff? And I'll be like, oh God, And I'll be like, okay,
and let's talk about that a bit. And she's like, I've heard that, like Beyonce knows about it, and Rihanna knows about it, and it's all this person's fault and that person's fault, and it's.
Always women, women, women, women women.
And she's like, and there's a big conspiracy about this and this and this, and you're just like, whoa.
And there's a conspiracy theory about why Kanye got up at the VMA yes and said I'm gonna let you finish yep. And it's basically like Beyonce is at the center. This is a conspiracy? Is it the center of the p didy thing? I can't even fully follow it, but my algorithm wants me to believe.
And it so it's like, this is what Matilda's saying to me. The reason that everybody at the Grammy's always thanks Beyonce is because they have to or they'll get murdered. Like she's like, very it's this right ever escalating, and
so you're always trying to pull it back down. So maybe we're trapped in the cargoing somewhere and that's great, and I'll be like, so, you know, this is what appears to have happened, and I'll be talking to her about really serious things about how women can find themselves abused in this situation, blah blah, blah blah. And she's just like, yeah, but what about that, Taylor.
Swift just like, oh my god, we're all being radicalized, all being.
Radicalized, and it's very hard to unpick like the good the bad. And I know that it's easy to say, well, she shouldn't be on TikTok, but TikTok's where they live, so bring on the band so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I don't think that's going to happen. My best though, also involved spending time with kids, as people who follow me know and indeed who listen to
this pod at and mid Is. We've been sponsored lately by Discovery Parks, and this isn't a sponsorship, but it's meant that we've gone away a couple of times, right, which has been really nice as a family to go away for weekends. And it's the school holidays, and I'm up in Sydney a lot for work, and there's a lot of time I don't get to spend with the kids, and so so having these little concentrated moments where we're
all in the same place together has been amazing. We're actually going on holiday, not anything to do with that next week, And I don't know, I just love. I know some people don't love holidays. Me as one of them.
I love and immorced togetherness.
Of a fact since becoming a parent, the amount of people who say you never have a holiday again when you're a parent, Do you agree or disagree?
Disagree? Now?
Okay, So I saw Sally Heptath writing about this on her Instagram recently. Actually, there's a moment that ticks over. So when your kids are little, family holidays can just be they're just relocations. You go somewhere and you've got to follow them around all the time. You haven't got all your usual distractions, you won't get a break.
But then there's a.
Magical point where it ticks over. And this is what Sally was saying on hers like she used to look at the women lying by Paul's reading books while their kids frolicked.
And be like that bitch.
And She's like, now I'm that bitch, and I'm now that bitch. So these trips we've gone on, there are lots of things for the kids to do, and they can go and do them and I actually get a holiday, and so now it's much more enjoyable, relaxing, and you're together and you haven't got all the distractions and they've got to do this and I've got to do that, and I don't know, it's nice to be reminded sometimes that you like your family.
My worst was actually related to last week. I was kind of under the weather and I just had a lot going on last week and I finished recording for Fridays out loud and I just felt like I'd done a ship job and I was driving home and it's one of the worst feelings in the world where you just feel like you tried your best but you couldn't give it one hundred percent that day, and you know that if you recorded that or if you did that piece of work on a different day, you'd have done better.
And I just felt I hate that feeling.
You know, this is where we have, of course, and it will be mean.
Nought this week.
I always carrying.
It's just I've had with a few things. So the few you know, whether it's an event or something, and you walk off and you kind of go, oh, oh, my.
Best I don't have that. I get like God, I was good. No, but I do like often after Friday Show, I'll be like, God, I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my opinions, I'm sick of my voice, I'm sick of my face. I'm just I need to be in a dark room, not saying anything, just looking at Copenhagen fashion video. So yeah, it's like that kind of yucky.
Yeah, and then I get stuck kind of ruminating on it.
You know what though, I'm just going to say, I know it's like Pollyanna, but I was listening to people talk about the football game that's this weekend, the NRL Grand Final, and they're saying that Nathan Cleary, Mary Fowler's boyfriend as we all know him, with a broken shoulder as he has, it's still going to be better, all right, podcast, Yes, like Nathan Cleary with a broken shoulder is better than no, Nathan, clearly,
Jesse Stevens. Yeah, fifty is still better than ninety, better than you, better than me.
Yeah, very often it's true. My best is it was aforementioned Mia turned older this week turned fifty three. I had a morning on Tuesday at home and I went, I'm gonna make this bitch of cake. Oh you're so nice, because I am a tild wife now and this has been a really interesting narrative clot point. But I was like, I'm gonna make trad lives make cake, and so I told me it's daughter. I was like, I'm gonna make
a cake because I had to make it real. And she said this is me as favorite cake because in my head I was going to make a really simple cake. But then she was like, this is me as favorite cake. Oh my goodness. It was the most complicated.
It's literally called simple I know that's true. It's called simple chocolate cake. It's a taste recipe and I literally googled simple chocolate cake and it got me this recipe and it was so yummy. Yeah when I made it.
Yes, when you made it, So you have to do something on a stove. Anyway, I tried really really hard. But what point did I know what had gone wrong? I think when I poured it into the cakedin I knew it was too thin, and then I went ittle rise in the oven, but it didn't. So it kind of looked like a brownie but tasted like frisbee.
But but what strange is where the rest of the cake was because I've made that cake with that mixture, and it's like, I think the problem is you didn't put in self raising flower.
I think that's what we did. So what I did is I'm patty. I made the cake and I brought it over. And this is why it's my best is because I was thinking on the way over, there are so many women with their mother in laws who would be terrified, who would have a mother in law who would really judge them for whether or not they're cooking a good meal, or whether or not their baby is wearing dirty clothes, which often is all that kind of stuff.
And I thought, I am so lucky that this will inevitably become a joke, And like I didn't actually feel any pressure because I knew that it was the act of trying to make a cake that would innately be funny and that Maya would appreciate that. So then when we cut the cake, we all just sat around trying to guess what made it shit, which it was like, is their eggs?
And then she also brought M and M's and she icd it icing was delicious. I ate all of it. I'm going to put a photo of the cake in the out Louders newsletter this week.
Maybe people can tell from looking at it what it was missing.
And the thing is that it should have been my best actually of the week because no one else made an effort, Like I don't know if it's men in every family, just men in my family. They don't even understand. So Coco the night before put streamers up everywhere and blew up some balloons so that when I downstairs, Coco made an effort and she doesn't live in her house anymore,
and Jesse made an effort. Luca did not even write me a card, and cards are my thing, like all I ask for is cards, like I don't expect anything. And the fact that Jesse did that when I know that cooking like that was just such a.
Big made you a cake I was.
It's the best. It's the best tasting cake of it that I know, but it's the best cake.
It ever as a cake. So self phrasing flour is different flour yep.
I wonder what it says about you if because Maya always says she can't cook, but she can bake, and I can cook, but I can't bake. So it's like I wonder there are bakers and there are cookers, right If I can make a pasta sauce like nobody's business, but I cannot bake a cake to save myself.
The thing that.
I reassured Jesse is that even if you make a shit cake, it's still a cake. So people aren't that sad because they can eat the icy.
And I don't think it'll make you sick. Like, I don't think there was anything that bad.
No, it was fine. My worst of the week was I had to go and get my driver's license renewed, and so I had to get a new photo and I went early because my son had to get his l's And that's been really fun too, driving with him. That's I've forgotten that that is actually quite fun, although that we're at the beginning of our one hundred and twenty hours, so talk to me after one hundred more hours.
So he had to go to the RTA whatever it's called, the motoristue place, and I was like, oh, come as well, and I'll get renew my deals. Anyway, we thought we'd miss the crowds. It was Saturday morning. We were like the first ones there, like first minute that it opens. I just got up. I had a cup of tea, but I wasn't gonna be like put makeup and a showers just like in my like trackies and like whatever. You know how when you sometimes look and you just go,
I just look natural. I just look like, you know, fresh natural.
I look like myself, like I look by myself.
So I did my picture whatever license arrived, and I like, I'm not a vain person as people say when they say that I'm on Instagram with no makeup and everything like that, but I was. I recoiled and I was actually I think I need to put this in the bin and get another one. And is that just too vain? Because it is so upsetting.
Remember how I'm Vernham said that there's a whole service.
Now that now I understand. I always didn't understand it, and now I understand it out louders. We also will put a photo of my driver's license photo in the newsletter show I would like people to showed us.
And my first thing that I said to you, because it was true and you need to tear it, is you.
Don't look that because you know what that that shock of like this is how I think I look and then there's that and you're like, wait, is that how I actually look?
Yes, and we needed to confirm to you the person in that picture isn't you. And then when we did watch the substance and they're a bit where she turns into what I've been described as a Gollum like character. There was a lot of yelling look at me as.
I had lots of fun putting that. It was an all agree about my driver's license. For my best of the week is loosely related. My parents are doing the great nomad thing a bit this year. They keep taking trips and they keep getting flat times. I mean, he's just every time I speak to them, they are by the side of a road somewhere in Australia, waiting for help. And so this week it was they were I don't even know where they are, somewhere in the South Coast,
somewhere somewhere. Because it was my birthday, they rang me and they're like, guess where we are and I'm like, I don't know. I forget where you've gone. I wasn't paying attention, and they're like, we're by the side of the road waiting. And last time I had Dad had to change a tire and so I spoke to them today and she was like, you know, just keeps us occupied. What would we do if we didn't have these exciting adventures?
So, yeah, what do you talk about. They've been married a long time this way and it's all about.
The tire team, Gray Nomad caravan. They should. They don't have a caravan. They need something that they can shelter in when they're by the side of the.
Red And I get into that phase of life now where when we see caravans, we'll like to think that's the one we'll go on.
Yeah, that's the one you need, like a motor home. I think, because you don't want to toe something. It's a long way away.
Don't worry.
I'm like, it's in my future.
There is a world of caravan TikTok waiting for you. I will say that it's a great place.
You've got some weird tiktoks. So if you want to see all of those photos, the birthday cake, the driver's license, there's a link in the show notes. If you're not already subscribed to our newsletter, thank you out loud ers for being with us this week.
We will see you next week of course, and a big thank you to our team executive producer Ruth Devine, whose cheap tap is throwing people's names in the freezer if they had what I do that?
Ha ha, Yeah you freezing? Oh my love does this?
Yeah, put them in the freezer. But literally, yeah, you write a piece of paper, yeah, and you put them in the freezer. You like, she's going in the freezer.
Oh he in the Mighty grand famously did it to someone and they got very sick. And then she stopped doing it because she got scared that it was actually working.
It's meant to sort of take their power away from you. Yeah. I think they can't affect you anyway. Yeah, I like a ship. Nor really scared of you.
Oh you're in freezers all over the country.
Seeing a producer Evelyn Gazillas, who swears by not sweating the small.
So I can tell that's why she's a producing.
Way that she could be through life when things don't go away. She tells herself that show is to like the food. Audio produces Leo Porgies, who swears by writing an email first ship.
That's very smart. I always do that too.
Lee is very clever and our social media producer is Isabelle Dolphin. His cheak code is not my monkey.
That's a good one too.
Bye bye.
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