Even More Random Things We Deem Offensive

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Hello out louders, Holly Wayne, right here. Look, it's Easter Monday, so we do not have a regular show for you, but we do have a little treat, Little East a treat if you like. This is an episode that we recorded for subscribers some time ago before Jesse went off on leave, and we never released it, not because it wasn't brilliant, because of course it is. It's got Claire Murphy on it, but just because we had a lot of other things we had to talk about that week.

We did an episode a little while back about things we found offensive, and once we started, we couldn't start. And in fact, I now have a note sat that every time I think of something new I find offensive, I just add to it. The out Louders also had things that they found offensive. The rule is you don't necessarily have to say why you find it offensive, no justification. People can say, oh, you just don't like that thing. Well maybe that's true, but this is our outlet, Okay.

But others can jump in and have their say too.

Right exactly, Yes, yes, you can argue that is totally allowed. I want to read you a couple of my favorites from the out Louders before we get started with our own because I am joined today myself, Jesse Stevens. We've got Holly Wayne, right, We've got Claire Murphy who's been keeping her own list for a whole life.

As soon as I heard that last episode is one of my favorites you guys have done, I'm like, I want in on this action. And when I was asked to do today, I was very excited.

Well, the out Louders understood the assignment because they said, every website requesting your email address to sign up for a discount or accepting cookies, stop it. Absolutely. People who wear chunky bracelets that make noise when they are using a keyboard.

That's like you in the studio, Jesse, you do. She's got her stylish bracelets on them.

They do bad and I get in trouble. Offensive. No, I find it offensive. I find it offensive. Also the clickity clack of the fake nails on the keyboard sometimes like that. I don't know what it is. I don't know. I just I don't. They worry me. Rock Melon fantastic one what no notes, no notes, no notes, no notes. I love rock Oh the more rock melon the better. No, no, no, it's an inferior fruch. Everyone knows.

I need to go back one because this is going to be a very controversial choice. I find aggressively long fake fingernails offensive. I like my daughter likes to get her fingers done in the holidays. It is a treat. And we sit there in the nail place and I just go short short of shorulder and she just laughs at me. But when I see people with really aggressively longeness. All I can think about tampons is tampons. It's it's

Yeah, I'm sorry everyone, Claire. Why don't you kick us off with some things you find offensive?

Well, I think it's very timely, but just daylight saving.

Particularly for people who have to get up early for their jobs, right, Clare Murphy.

Yes, like me.

But that also then requires me to go to bed in daylight, which is the other end of the day.

In freaking' awful. What else?

Packaging that says open here but does not open efficiently from the open here section? I call out prepackaged cheese, oh so much, any meat that has the wrapping over it. And then also things like washing powder, like clothes washing powder that has the little pool cardboard thing that's supposed to zip all the way around. Yeah, it never does. It stops halfway and rips off, And so I'm left digging into.

It, Claire, Is it just me? Or is everything resealable not resealable? Or if I screwed it because I go Okay, do it properly, because then you're not going to need to use your hair tie. And then I do it and then it's broken and the oats are on the floor. It's because you're buying home brund.

That's why if you buy more expensive things, then the reseals work apparently, but I wouldn't know because brand only ever buys home brun.

Yeah, go shopping.

Also, when I go to the supermarket, I really really really really really get annoyed when I'm loading on the conveyor belt and people behind me also start loading onto the conveyor belt before I have finished unloading onto the.

Convey Okay, what if I use a little thing a bob? No?

Because what if I need to go past your little thing my bob because I haven't unloaded my trolleyet and you have guesstimated how much goes on my conveyor belt incorrectly.

They have underestimated you. Yes, Claire, what if I can see how much is in your trolley and I've gone she's got one bread left, and then I'm gonna efficiently put the thing on a bob down and then start loading. Am I still offending you.

If I'm down to like one, two, maybe three items. It is acceptable any more than that. Just hold on for the eight seconds it will take me to finish unloading. Otherwise I then have to look like the rude bitch and push your stuff down the cove, which I don't want.

Why are you in such a hurry, Susan, Just hold a moment, just a hobbit. I love those little dividers. Like when I can find one of those to put in between my shopping and someone else's shopping, I feel like the world is operating as it should.

It makes me feel superior.

But I do find it offensive when people don't know how to pack their grocery bags, probably because I my Saturday job when I was a kid was in a green grocer's obsessive about heavy things at the.

Bottom, light things on top, bread at the bottom, donating.

I mean, come on, sometimes, and my children are very guilty of this. They'll be like, I'll pack the bags and my tomatoes, my avocados, forget it anyway they're taking.

And then you repack the bags.

I'm gonna swear here, so if there are small children listening,

I don't want to do that anymore. It's just slop, Claire, It's slop. And there's this new trend on TikTok of like making your boomer parents watch something that they don't know is AI Like a hippopotamus jumping on a trampoline like this? Who is this fun for? I hate it, like it's just making us all dumber.

I found there was this really cute little sea creature and it was like opening and closing its mouth in a really appealing way.

I couldn't stop looking at it. I must have been having a hard day.

And I sent it to one of my children in an attempt to bond, you know, like desperate point and a thing pebbles look at this and they just go, mom, HEYI I'm like, oh, I thought that Little Secrets are really could Sing.

Flowers by Miley Cyrus, How amazing? Why isn't this on the news?

Things are really getting out of hands, So no more AI fuckery. This might be very specific to the job that we do but when you go to put your headphones on, and I mean the over ear headphones that we're all currently wearing, and one side slips out of your fingers as you put them on and it slaps you in the face.

I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. Also the soreness of the ear lobe. Ye yeah, after all, yeah, yeah.

I also wear glasses and it pushes them into the back of my head.

Which is I often think that about people who are able to wear headbands. What happened to headbands? But girls been able to wear a headband. I know it hurts behind my ears, and I think, aren't we all a bit sore? But some people can handle.

It, the superior beings obviously. That then moves me into dropping your phone on your face when you're looking at it in bed.

It happens to me all the time.

Super offensive.

That can be quite serious injuries as a.

Result of that, depending on what model phone broken. High yes, broke the other day. That was like one of the most unhinged things you did as a mother, And one of the most popular comments was I accidentally dropped my phone on my baby's face, So then I laid in bed and dropped my phone on my face over and over again to work out exactly how much it aired. I was like, that is highly relatable. I understood.

I'm very, very offended by price stickers that don't unstick nicely.

Oh on books that really upset me, Like.

Either it's made in a way that it separates into different sections, or it leaves the sticky resident.

The whiteish and I'm trying to give a gift and now I look poor. I don't know, I look like, yeah, yeah, I am.

Because I'm such a nana these days. I like to keep all my jars because I like to you know, I might want to pickle something, you know, I might want to pickle something. I might want to stash a bit of salad. I might want to do whatever. I'm trying to save the planet. Not so much plastic. When the labels don't come off the jars cleanly, the home brand it's sticky, it remains sticky, and it's always a little it on there and there's not aesthetically pleasing anymore.

That's offensive. Someone has a trick. I know someone listening is going you just need someone.

Also did tell me the reason that they do that is so that people don't swap price tags over in the shop to amounts like so I get it, but

And you're like, what direction is that? I don't know what's late Murphy who houses It's always like this is a north facing yeah blah, And I'm like, what does call me there, sunshine? I don't know how you know what's north.

My husband may have pointed out there is a compass icon on the map, but I didn't know that. And when I'm driving, I'm not seeking out the compass thing to tell me which way is northeast. And I would sit there for a minute thinking what direction is that telling me I'm sitting in?

This technology has in funt and so now you've done that, you have to follow through, like you have to really explain it as if I'm very very stupid or very very little.

Now polish that does not go on like the color of the bottle says.

It will yes rude, yes, very rude. When it's like a bit transparent, And so you have to do eleven layers. Then you can't be bothered. So then you get like your own hair stuck in it and some of your dinner, and then you have to take it all off.

Or you have to go to bed, and then it's just pressed into the sheep.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Exercising in summer, just full stop. It's red sweat now.

Yeah.

Subtitles when you don't need them, sometimes they're very hard to turn off.

The other day I watch the Actually are so the.

Other day I started watching The Girlfriend. You know that we've been watching this show, The Girlfriend. It's gotten very good.

Jesse. Yes, I'm quite far behind Jesse.

Anyway, I was somewhere that wasn't my house the other day and I turned it on and inexplicably, they all started speaking I don't know Turkish. I was like, I don't know what to do with that, so I have to turn it off and turn it on, turn oft and on, and then I was like, I am so again. You evenfantalized me machines follow through.

I'm a fuck quit. I don't understand. Tell me exactly how Claire specifically subtitles on either comedy shows or stand up specials. Totally ruins it. It's like they set up the joke and then the subtitled fell. The subtitle tells you the actual punchline, and I'm like, hahu, like it just doesn't have the same I'm not down with it.

No. I also am very very offended. Speaking of comedy specials and stand ups are a little bit. They'll do this quite a bit is when they initially walk on on the stage and they're like, how's everybody going, and then the crowd doesn't give them the big enough response they want, so they then.

They go back to you to do it, and I always give them less the second time. I also go fuck you because I gave a little bit that time. Here. You don't know me. I'm just one in.

A crowd exactly. I paid to come here to see you. You are not coming here to see me. I don't need to participate in this. I told you I was woo. I'm happy to be here. Now, let's get on with.

The high completely. I don't like it when the audience gets in trouble.

Same I also do not like when my menstrual cup won't pop.

Now I cannot relate to this. I have never used to it. It is pop coming out or going in.

Going in, so you have to like squeeze it so it goes in, and then you let it go and it like pops open so that it catches the blood. And sometimes it just won't, like you have to twisting and you're turning a.

Proper noise, does it like?

I mean, if I could listen inside my own vagina, I'm presuming it does make a sound, but.

You can feel it otherwise you can you could just know when the pop has happened.

Yeah, you do.

You can feel it like open up. And sometimes it just doesn't because the suction has got a hold of it and it's decided it's going to stay a little bit like squished, so there's no way for the blood to go into.

So you have to like twist it and turn it and like manipulate.

I basically feel like and you wrote this in an article you wrote recently, Jesse, about feeling like your obg is going to be like like up to his elbow or her elbow in you when you're pregnant twins. And I feel like I do that every period cycle when the thing won't pop, because you've got to get up in there and twist it around.

It's an issue with your air suction.

Yeah, yes, I've jin is a little bit too strong.

Got to air it out. It couldn't do that with the acrelic nails, could you? No? You poked a little hole in there?

Can we stop singing Happy Birthday to each other?

What?

No?

Please?

Please? Please? Please?

Or at least just don't sing it to me. I don't like it. I don't like sitting there quietly while everyone sings at me.

Okay, here's what I think. I think happy Birthday might be a thing that we were meant to leave in childhood. I think there's an age at which because I've only just discovered that Happy Birthday to two year olds is incredibly joyful. Yeah, they love it, and most nights Luna chooses someone new to sing it too. And I'm like, happy Birthday is fun when we're just singing it to someone, because this is what you think is a shortcut to cake.

You, like, God, don't do it to me in a restaurant.

Do you think there's no tax on getting cake? It's your tax. It's your cake tax. You have to suffer through it.

That's the way it works. I came into the world on that day. That is enough.

Yeah, I don't need to pay ex.

You have given enough already by your very existence.

I do agree with that.

I have a couple more quick things because I know I've taken up a lot of time today, but I did have a long list. One is the mattress being too fat for the fitted sheet.

Sheet isn't big enough, Claire, I don't think they need to give me a few more inches either side.

One other thing is going to try on new glasses because I can't see myself. Yeah, so obviously my prescription doesn't go into the new glasses I'm trying on.

I'm trying on frames.

And I can't see myself in them mirror, so I have to stand like that close to it. Okay, Claire, It's taken me a long time to work this out, but every time I try on sunglasses, I'm like, these look great, But it's just because I have a filter. Like it's just because everything is now like a pretty color, and I'm like, no, no, no, the shape.

Doesn't you just look more hard to take a photo of yourself? Yes, exactly doesn't.

That's so wanky when you're in the shop self and I don't like that. My last one, when you're in the car and you just slightly lean forward and the seat belt locks for no reason.

I know exactly what you mean.

Thank you for letting me get that all. Now we can continue.

Toasting of sandwiches slash wraps when there is salad in the sandwich or wraps. It is my like lettuce in my opinion. I know there are some fancy dishes that involve hot lettuce, but in my opinion, lettuce should never be hot, cold, and crunchy. If I'm having a falaffele rap, if I'm having a chicken wrap with lettuce and salad in it, do not toast that thing.

Okay, Holly, I've thought about this a lot. What solution though? What are we do?

You toast it first and then you add the lettuce after it?

Can it be done? Because I don't know if it can be deconstructed after it's been pressed.

Well, neither been to subway. Subway don't toast it with the lettuce in. They put it in after they don't. But the thing is is that's a big ask.

If you're buying a pre made rap, you can't be like, take all the lettuce out, grill it. Then really you've got to just choose. If it's got salad in it, it's not being toasted.

It's fresh, you know. On that. I don't think avocado toasted.

Is Avocado should also not be hot unless it's spread on top of hot toast and just gets a little bit.

Yeah, it should be what avocado on my pizza? I freaking love it.

Oh hotto, oh oh oh oh Okay.

The most middle aged wingy thing ever jet skis no I hate jet skin, noisy, loud, and the thing is the development that has pushed me over the edge with jet skis loud music on.

The jet ski.

Clearly, I am now one hundred and two because I sit on the beach and I watch them go and I say this out loud. Do they not think there's anyone else in the world that's what I say.

My thing is that now all I see with recreational activities, there's a potential for injury. Is like, oh, you can unfit yourself. And in fact it's the same as someone who has been skiing a total of one time in my entire life. I now have decided that's a choice, and I go, well, I wouldn't scare I don't want to break my leg.

Like all I can do on a regular again, yes, which actually.

Did just by walking exactly. Everyone I know who goes skiing just breaks a limb and I don't have time for that.

Are you around people who jet ski? Like I have people who jet ski and it's genuinely like a really fun thing to do. Is there a little bit of perhaps jealousy about not being on the jets?

Wow?

I just think that there should be a place for jet skiing that no one else has to observe.

This like if I'm on the beach.

But you're right, the mind flip there is that you go imagine being on the jet ski that would be fun. But it's like, yeah, but that's one person and there are one hundred people sitting on the beach having to listen to It's usually, let's face it, it's usually like the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader song or something yeah yeah yeah, and I'm like, no, I don't want to listen to that.

I find it very offensive.

When my phone refuses to recognize my face first thing in the morning.

That's very upside.

It is very offensive and you pick it up and it just goes face not recognized and you go, well thanks.

Or sometimes when I have a lot of makeup on, it's like, who's that.

She's too fancy?

You need to protect her privacy from that minx. Okay, very young people flexing about how young they are. I want to give you a very specific example. You know, I go to pub trivia. Yeah, I love my pub trivia, and I also love my pub trivia master, who is a young woman and she's great, but she does things like this. She'll go this song is by the and then she goes besty Boys. She's never seen the words beastie boys together before as a thing, and you're just like, imagine, imagine being that.

Sometimes they play it out and you know they play it out. They're like, I've never heard of blah and it's like.

You should have you should know where that's.

You think internet access that these kids have had its birth.

Yeah, what have you been doing? They would know some things, ye Jesse, okay. Minor When people say something that is fish doesn't taste fishy. For example, when there's like a raw piece of salmon and someone goes, try it doesn't taste like fish, and I'm like, absolutely tastes like fish. It smells like fish, It tastes like doesn't like fish. Fish tastes like fish. This last time.

You're not a fish fan.

Stop trying to make me eat fish.

But the point they're trying to make is that, like really fresh fish doesn't taste like it does.

It simply does.

There's fish and then there's fishy, Like they're two very different things.

Yeah.

I know that doesn't make it anything.

We all know that fishy is wrong. Fish is wrong, fish.

Is fish is great, fishy not great, fish different.

When people describe a location, here's what I mean. They'll say, have you seen the new blah Like there'll be talk about a restaurant or whatever. It's off Park Street, you know, near the Bunnings on the corner of Victoria Road. And I promise you I don't know where you meet. I never ever know where you meet, or they'll go there's the new freeway, the new toll, the new BLA. It says, you go down this street and then you turn left, and I'm like, I wasn't with you for one step of this.

I never know the names of streets. I think that's a very specific kind of mindset. Is like even when I live on a street sometimes but I know where everything is. I'm like, I know where Beatty's house is, but could I tell you what the street's called?

Absolutely yes, Or if you ask where something is or whatever, and it's like take two lefts and a right one at two le F's.

I know the first one you gave me, and then the rest.

And then it's all just gone. When people get involved in a show like audience participation, but they make it about themselves. Oh so this applies to even Q and A's Oh yes, someone puts their heat up and they tell the whole story and you think we're lacking. So that.

Can my dentist do something like just to relieve the mental load a little bit, like just make the appointment, schedule me in, send me the calendar invite and I'll turn up like, don't make me do more work.

And my final one is two factor authentication, which up until making you safer. I googled this I thought was two factor authentication, but it actually doesn't have an F and I feel like I am spending weeks to months of my life authenticating my own existence.

Have you been caught in an authentication loop? Yeah?

Oh yeah, oh yeah, go round and round and it's codes and it's this and it's ping, and it's I need eleven devices, and I'm like, this is to steal my identity. I don't even care anymore, you know.

I just remembered to one when you meet someone that you haven't seen for a while and they say to you, this happened to me recently.

I think it might be just out out offensive. Are you still going to the gym? I never asked someone if they're still bring The answer is always no. If I was, you would be asking. Thank you anyway, how loud is, please share the things we find offensive. I'm sure that we have inspired more. Let us know if you agree, if you disagree. There was one that someone agreed with me that I really really liked, brushing teeth. Apparently brushing teeth is offensive. That was confirmed by the

Thank you for listening to this exclusive subscriber episode.

We'd love to know what you think.

Send us a message in our out Louders Facebook group or email us at out loud at mamamea dot com dot au and we'll see you next time.

Mamma Mayer acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.