A Fight About Who’s Allowed To Have A Crush

Hello, and welcome to Mom and Mia out loud. It's what women are actually talking about on Friday, the seventeenth of April.

I'm hollywayn Wright, I'm Clear Stevens.

And I'm m Burnham. And here's what's on our Friday agenda. Do you need a hobby? Yes? Probably, Yes, you've got some. I think we'll get to we'll get to it. Welcome to the intense hobby era and why they can sometimes feel really hard to get.

Plus an unofficial list of the things women do to make it look like.

They have their shit together.

We discuss yes and not one, but three TV shows to watch this weekend or over the long weekend next weekend if you get.

It and not everybody's getting it because and that day is a Saturday. This year, some states capitulated to giving everybody the Monday off and some states kept it pure. Absolutely, the Victoria keep it pure because they get way too many holidays. I'm just going to say right.

Now they can sacrifice.

Sorry to all the Victorians listening, take it up with Emily Vernon. Sorry, but first, Claire Stevens.

This week we all came across a piece on the cart called the Secret to a great.

Marriage Crushes on other People by E. J. Dixon and I. In hindsight, we were.

All a little bit too enthusiastic about this headline.

We were all praise emojis and like, yes, I love this.

Love this, and I think that's something for usman terrogaate quietly when we're on our about it later, why did we love this so much? But the article was I thought very interesting. And there's been a whole lot happening in the zeitgeist that I think echoes what this article was saying. So Dixon writes, I think my husband is bar Nunn, the sexiest person on the planet.

She like has to say that in the story because the story is about like having crushes on other people, So you have to. It's like when you're about to bitch about parenthood, but you have to say, first, I love my children so much.

You've got to be in a defensive crouch, being like, I do love me, my promise. But we also regularly talk about people outside our marriage who we find attractive, not in any lascivious way, but casually, as if we were discussing weekend plans or what to have for dinner. Some friends I've told about this. Can't believe we talk so openly about this kind of thing. But I really

So my question is do we agree?

And then I want to I want some transparency around who our crushes are. And your facial expression is saying When.

I first read this, I thought it was actual satire. You were like, is it April? The first I was like, are people in relationships? Okay? Are you guys doing all right. I feel like, if you're searching for a crush to make your relationship better, just be single. It's fine. It's fine to be single, Like it actually is. Like, it's crusually fine. And you know what's really fun when you're single having crushes?

Yeah, No, crushes are.

I would argue though, that crushes are always fun because when you've been in relationships, when you've kind of been seeing someone and you're into that person, do you think that all your desire for other people goes out the window.

I don't think it.

Goes out the window, but I think there's a limit. I feel like certain crushes are okay. Celebrity crushes yep, fine.

Crush like the whole past idea is fine as long as they're not real people passed.

Because then what if it happens, like we all work in the entertainment, what do we meet celebrities?

Yeah, no, I meet your whole past. Me like, I'm so sorry, now I have to have sex with you my.

Whole past, and your partner's like I get it, I get it.

We made an agreement. No, I think celebrity crushes are okay.

I think acknowledging that other people are very attractive is okay, like, hey look at that guy. That guy is a really good looking guy, and your partner can be like agreed, and then we move on. But I think a crush can lead into dangerous territory. And I know this because when I was single in my twenties, I would have these big, big crushes and they would lead.

Into these areas where I would be like.

Day dreaming about them and thinking about our life together, and it just keeps going and going and going. And the the reason it works so well is because you don't actually know them as a person. And I'm like, if that happened, if I was in a relationship, that sounds like a bad time.

I think it depends like every I will always say that, I think that everybody's different in this regard, Like some people just cannot handle the idea that their partner finds other people attractive at all, and other people actually turned on by it. We're going to get to that in a minute. And in between those two things, I think there's a big spectrum. I think in this piece there

And you're aware that you're only finding them hot, attractive, charismatic, whatever in one really shallow circumstance and.

It makes your day a bit better. That's that's the point that one of the people makes here about the three pm snack. Is like getting her coffee and smiling at the guy and they have a bit of flirtatious banter. Is just like a nice little thing in her day, and it's not hurting anyone. The danger zones are workmate who like you flirting at the photocopy of one minute. I don't think we have first copies anymore. But you know, water cooler, whatever it is, we don't have those, the microwaves.

There, right, blurty, flirty banter in the kitchen.

Right, it's fine, Mum and me and stuff.

When you see Hollywood her notebook washing, you heat up your LuFe and just be aware.

I see a lot of it, flirty banter in the kitchen. And then if that escalates to like messaging. You're on the couch watching TV with your partner and your message like that, then you've crossed a line. Yeah, so there's like a whole lot of degrees here, which I think would be very healthy. Okay, so do you not agree with that? I don't agree.

Say this woman who has a crush on a barista is there with her boyfriend and the barista goes, hey, I'm playing a gig later tonight. Do both of you want to come? And they're like, oh, yeah, that sounds fine, Like I know you have a crush on him, but it's like a fun gig, let's both go, and they both go to the gig and.

Then the whole and then he paying the.

Guitar and like it's so hard he has to take a shirt off and he's playing his guitar. And then something just twinges in her brain and she's like, oh, I think this might be more than a little crush.

That's the thing.

I feel like it could start there with the barista, But the minute it moves a little in, you're going to keep moving and moving and moving.

But you can't, like hermatically seal your life so that you never see another human who's attractive. That's fine, but I can think you can find them attractive.

But I think when you start calling someone your crush, it's more than just seeing them as attractive.

But I reckon there is such a profound difference between being like I've been with my partner for so long I can't remember, it's over half our lives, and it's like you've been with them for so long, you have a child together, you've got commitments together, you're trying to build a life together. Like there is it's it's so beyond finding the BIA it is. It's a different, incuemparable and I have it all the time, and I talk

Oh except I have met him. We have met him, and he is lovely. But there's like an innocence to the idea of going like, he's amazing.

Because it's like Trandhalton invited you to dinner, would you go to dinner?

Oh yeah, but.

No, no, no, but not in a romantic way, not in the romantically other.

Thing as well?

Is that I I think it's also different when I'm like, I'm such a weird, awkward person that, like I the idea of ever acting on anything is frankly hilarious and also not appealing.

Like that's not the point.

The point isn't acting on it, because as soon as you as you acted on it, you would see that they're not. Everybody's flawed and your partner has strengths that that other person doesn't have. In all of that, but I genuinely think that there is I think a red flag is somebody who kind of can't engage with the idea of finding anyone else attractive or charismatic.

For example, on a brilliant cho cald Marriati at.

First Site the other week there was a grass is Greener challenge where they went out to lunch with the people that they would have been matched with, and there are a couple of guys who left the table and had to stand in the bathroom because they were like, this is ridiculous, and I'm like, the fact you can't have a conversation I agreement.

I think a much bigger red flag I agree with Claire is if you said to your partner, like, don't you find this like objectively gorgeous woman attractive and they go, no, darling, I will find you attracted. Sure, that is a much bigger problem right there, because they're lying for a start. So the idea of the honesty is fine, and I just need to clarify for the absolute record that of course I would go to dinner with Trent Dalton, but for no, the man is married. I am very like, if you are allowed.

To like he has a beautiful it makes it it's okay, you know.

What I mean? Like, I think we can't live in those kind of Donald Trump, he's like those you know what's he called Mike Pence, the guy who used to be the Vice President of the States, and he would be I can never be alone in a room with a woman professionally, which means that there can't be any

That's but do you not see the difference between finding someone attractive and having a crush on them?

Because for me, they're two totally different things.

And the gray area is everyone's definition on what acting on it means. And I feel like acting on someone you find attractive is developing a crush for them and then that being your person that you constantly have a crush on.

So we need to move to when it really when. This can be a very bright line, right Obviously for anyone who's got history of betrayal or their relationship or they did get cheated on, maybe more than once by someone who dismissed their fears around crushing. Obviously, it's a big red flag, but some people actively like it, which brings us to Nicki Glazer. Right. So, Nicki Glazer is the American comic who has hosted the Golden Globes twice.

Right.

Here's what she said about that.

In a relationship, I don't really care if my boyfriend were to hook up, Yeah, I we need to talk about that, but that is not a two way street. Like I'm not someone who likes to hook up when I'm in a relationship, but I don't care if someone else were to hold on. In fact, I kind of like it.

Do you think, though, that this is you being a very very evolved, mature human being or does this fall in the category of like kind of like dark comedian shit where you're like, and I want to be clear, it is not pick me. You call this the hot husband fetters, yeah, which is essentially when you want your partner to have sexual experiences with other people outside of the relationship.

Yeah, I don't know.

It would make me like horny to like think about him doing that with other girls, And then I would so I ask about all of his like girlfriends or anyone he had hooked up with, like all the details about it, and I would really be like a for play for me, Like I would get like revved up

No one ever wants to believe that's true. Whenever she talks about this, you'll get a million comments from people saying, well, shit, she's just trying to be a cool girl. What a load of nonsense? Or playing with fire sister, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. What do we think about that?

Because I think, in the context of the article and the idea of kind of an innocent crush, the thing that makes me feel safe about it and that gives reassurance is that you're joking about it and this and it's transparent.

Secrets of the problem, yes, secrets of the problem.

And so when I think about Nicki Glazer, I'm like, okay, But she does say that the she's very clear about what she would consider emotional cheating, and basically she's like, if he was watching the wire with someone that would I would be hot broken.

I entirely agree with that. That's that definition of betrayal. Watching the wire, playing word or she says, sending memes is a much bigger betrayal in her mind than them having sex with somebody else wants off with protection.

And it does I do find it interesting when it goes one way, when it's when it's the idea of him being comfortable her being comfortable with him going off and having other sexual encounters. And she says that she doesn't want that at all. Maybe true, but it's.

That's the one way monogamy that the Maniscare people talk a lot in the Louis Tharu document.

Be very happy that a woman saying that she loves they would love it. And how do you feel about one way monogamy?

I'm sure you love it just what you said.

My experience, though I don't believe in the hot husband fetish I think, and I don't know anything about Nikki Glaser, but from that definition, I think it's someone who doesn't find their partner physically attractive and they're looking for proof that he is.

Wow. Well, actually, it's interesting you say that because one of her quotes is and I think this shows enormous self awareness. She says, I like my boyfriend to at least entertaining that I do have been with the people blah blah. I want things that other people want. So she freely admits that she likes, she covets things that other people covet and I think a lot of people feel that way, but they don't say it out loud. To my point, it's fine to be single, just do it.

It's fine the opposite if I mean, it's a little bit funny. I guess if you go out and somebody tries to hit on your partner and you're like, but but I would be so happy with being the only person in the world who find him attractive, do you know what I mean?

I find something romantic about that.

But Nicki Glazer says that she's really competitive and that she wants to win, and it's like, he's not gonna leave me for you.

So but I yeah, I also don't relate to that at all.

I think it's really honest because I think that a lot of us want things that other people want, and that's where status comes from, right, Like, something doesn't have status if you're the only person who likes it. And I think that applying that really openly to your romantic slash sex life, I mean, it's a particular thing. It's not my thing, as you say. In fact, I always think when I see people going out with really objectively can preventionally beautiful people who turn ahead in a room.

Say Holly, when Brent won his gone competition, Oh well did that?

Did you attract me?

What's funny is that? So you know I'm not It isn't my thing to want things other people want. I'm much more likely to go sure have it. But there was a time in our lives when we were living in Sydney, and because Brent's off most often been the primary carer in our house, right, there was a period of time wherever the school mom's at our primary school thought that he was a single dad because they've never seen me. Make of that what you will, my friends.

With this kind of look like that.

I suddenly went like, oh she likes you. She's like i'n't telling my husband, you're my crush. Yes, I was like, Oh, she likes you. Was I upset about it?

No?

Was?

I threatened?

No?

But then I think it.

Kind of turn you on a little bit.

What I thought it was hilarious, which is a very long term relationship dynamic that I'm sure sometimes really pisses people off, like, oh, you think it's so funny that

They are, where's my yard?

They are? They're like price of yard. Not funny, not funny. We spoke about friction maxing earlier this year too, and the people are saying that hobbies that require friction, like pottery or gardening, because the effort required is the exact opposite of what you get from a passive scroll. So all these things are suddenly really interesting to everybody. But it's not always easy to get a hobby, particularly if

For Megan Markle, it is oh.

That's true. That's true. For restorative hobbies, yoga, running, photography, journaling, oh, DUELINGO you podcast listening? You are you are indulging in your hobby right now, everybody hilates crosswords. Those are restorative hobbies. Those are fun. Sovereign hobbies are at the top of the tree, and they are the ones that require life to move around them. So think surfing, think golfing, think diving, high king, long distance running, long distance cycling, rock climbing,

Well, or you're at home, you check the surf at a time that may be inconvenient to everyone else. Turns out the surf is good, and you go, well, I have to go right now.

Yeah, now is the moment.

Whereas obviously something like pilates, when you've got a million classes to choose from, or you can do it at home, you're not kind of it's not dictated by outward conditions.

Yeah, So sovereign hobbies kind of have to happen when they happen. They often take longer. They can't just be squeezed into pockets of time. What kind of hobbies do we have? Do we have any sovereign hobbies at the table? I don't think we do, do we?

No? Mine are all mine all fit into the category. Which is interesting because the way Asterroid has done this matrix like a quadrant. Yeah, it's a quadrant, and on one side are self directed and on the other side are other directed.

So the other directed.

Ones were things like the P and C group clubs, but also book clubs, but also the knitting and the gardening and all that because it's usually benefits somebody else. All of mine are ones that only benefit me. But adapting to life, not the hobby kind of dictating life. So things like reading. I'm looking at the others. I'm like reading, reading, podcast, listening, going for a walk.

They're like, see a lot of these things. I don't think a hobby. Going for sometimes you just have to do that so much. Definition of a hobby, right, is an activity, interest, or pastime that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, typically during one's leisure time.

Right.

And one of the points of friction here is what leisure time you have available to you and whether or not you claim it. Yeah, you know, because for example, saying that cooking is a hobby, which is in the domestic sphere here, baking is in there. If you have to cook dinner seven nights a week, which many many people do, that's not a hobby. That doesn't feel like

I wonder if it comes down to what you choose from the get go, because I'm looking at the restorative hobbies, which I think I do a lot of, but they could very easily transition into sovereign hobbies.

Especially I guess if you're.

A single person, then you have no other responsibilities which I don't have, and no responsibilities. So if I'm interested in photography or running, for example, they could start as

Yeah.

Yeah, And I like, I'm in two minds because on the one hand, I found this piece of writing really profound, as somebody who has a dad who played golf my whole childhood and now has a husband who quite enjoys playing golf. And I've always tried to articulate why I find golf to be the most indulgent hobby of all, which is what women spends six hours on a Sunday on a Saturday or Sunday, and then there's all this equipment, and there's just all the clothes and the bags. It's

Men will go and do this six hour hobby.

But the other thing is that Astroid makes the point in the article that with a lot of these sovereign hobbies, they're actually a little bit hostile to women. So for example, if you go I worked at a golf club for years and years, the golf environment is hostile to women.

There's only the one that I worked out.

There was one day women could one one week day and the weekends that women could play.

Are you kidding men?

You could play all the days then.

And then the biggest controversy ever was the Masters, which has just been on. There was this big Master's breakfast that they'd all come in early and watch the Masters and then play golf, and women were invited to the Masters.

Hold on, hold on. So I'm a woman who wants to play golf Tuesdays and lots of women who get to a different season in their life play golf. I'm not allowed to play golf at your golf club.

You can't play whenever you want, your man.

I am really outraged that your wonderful mother allowed this to.

My mom.

Although I listen to me, I'm like, women get to say no, no, you can't.

Well, Mom brought my brothers when they were newborns, brought them to visit Dad, and somebody said, are they.

Boys or girls? Oh no?

And golf is changing.

I will say that there are a lot of brilliant women who are changing the culture.

Our boss plays golf nat But in terms of maybe if you want to be a CEO, maybe you play golf.

Yeah.

My mom actually has a great golfing hack because when me and my sister were young kids, Dad got really into golf. He was gone every Saturday and then was at the driving range some afternoons. And then one day he got home and he saw my mom and she had a new set of golf clubs and a fit, and she's like, I'm coming with.

You to the sovereign hobby. Joined the sovereign hobby.

Is the hack a shared sovereign hobby? I think that that's and it's like a band and the children.

And then she was great at it.

Yeah, and you turned out fine, fine.

And I loved Astrod putting words around this, which is that basically there's a gravitational pull behind this whole matrix, which is that men feel entitled to their time in a way women don't, and that women feel like their time either has to be productive or serving somebody else. It's not simply to say I did that thing because I wanted to. Is not something that comes naturally to

Do you think I think it's hard, Like, I totally.

Hear what you're saying, and I agree. I mean, I think it's outrageous that there's like that, especially in a season where you've got little kids and big family demands. If somebody's like going I just disappear every Saturday for four to six hours and we will not be negotiating it, that's outrageous to me, right. But on the other hand, I think maybe we wish rather than railing against it, we should probably just do it as well, you know what I mean. I mean, it's not practical, like many

Do you know what I mean?

I kind of think that. I think it's I don't know. I think if I like, I wonder if sometimes we can be very women, particularly in a family stage of life. We are very martyrish about this stuff, so I couldn't possibly. I would never I have to put everybody else's needs above my own. And yes you do, but we probably would all benefit from grabbing an hour or two of a sovereign hobby and going non negotiable, non negotiable this Saturday morning. But it's funny because gardening definitely is a

And do you think two people in a relationship can both have sovereign hobbies at the same time.

I think that's the ideal.

I think it would be good if you could, because I think that what you when I have had a sovereign hobby, Like so as I say, I don't really haven't really had hobbies before, but over my life, exercises played different roles, so like sometimes it's barely there at all. Sometimes I'd be like I'm doing boot camp. Sometimes I'm like committing to yoga. And there was a period where I was training for half marathons and the kids were really little. When I think about it, Billy was one.

And do you have sovereign hobbies?

I feel like I should, like I have no other responsibilities. Maybe I should think you should. Should I take up long distance cycling or rock climbing.

Absolutely, I've fated way too many men who enter rock climbing.

Not for me. I used to date all these rock climbing guys and they had really good shoulders. But you spent a lot of time sitting at the bottom of cliffs.

Podcast Two Broke Chicks posted on their Instagram a list of things women do that make it look like they have their shit together. So the title of the post was does she have a shit together? Or does she just dot dot dot? And here's a list? Does she have a shit together? Or does she just own a white T shirt without makeup stains?

That is so impressive because every time you take it off, you're gonna get a stain on it.

Well, it's that, it's the makeup stains.

And it's also I reckon, I have eight white T shirts that aren't the right white anymore.

I don't do this whole white.

Wash, keeping your white white, keeping your white white.

Oh you should be doing it and then someone try.

And bleach them and it still doesn't work.

No, no, anyway, I think, have a white T shirt, have a functional white tea.

Shir have Pepe Sayer butter in her fridge.

Oh that's that fancy butter with the guy with the big nose on there. I do you even get that fancy shops I had at a lex Because I'mlato, you do not have you literally did not have your shit together.

Don't have it together.

All wear loafers. I don't look good in them. I'm some loafers last year I tried to make them happen. I'm not put together enough to pull off the loafer. I feel like I'm a servant in Game of Thrones.

I haven't seen you in loafers.

The other thing is because I would see a pair of like cheap loafers, but then I go to put them with an outfit, and it's like Clay, you don't own a loafer outfit, a loafer appropriate outfit. You know who has loafer appropriate outfits? Well, you can from your beauty and nothing to wear. She's a trench girl, she's a guru. She's a loafer girls.

She's also a trench girl, because I think the same thing about trench coats. I really gadget, I really like them, but they look so classy and French on some people. And then I tried one on this week and it just made me. It made me look like a janitor that someone might get arrested at school.

It looks like I'm wearing a blanket.

I know it's really appropriate.

Okay, what about wash her makeup brushes. I've started doing this lately, so shit together, hobby.

Well, the reason why I did is because I kept getting lots of spots. Yeah, that's probably why I got my style. To be honest, I've been indoctrinated by the Internet to use brushes instead of sponges now and I put makeup on and I don't know if it's any good. I don't know what do I know? But then I started getting a lot of spots, and I was like, I think maybe it's because my brushes are disgusting. So I've started to wash them on the weekend every weekend, let them air out. And so do I finally have

I think you do.

Absolutely.

My hack is you use a brush and then you go, hmm, this brush has blush on it, but I need it for foundation, So then you just kind of like rub it against side of your make up bag.

That's my because socie of your makeup bag is really cleanly, really hygienic.

Yeah, hang her clothes on velvet coat hangers.

I have that. Oh wow, that's good. But they're the cheap ones. So if it's a too heavy a jacket, it will break.

Yeah, but are they felt? What like it's kind of you assume it's like wire underneath, but it's.

Like, yeah, yeah, I know, the cheap ones. Yeah, I have enough coat hangers, and I never have enough good coat hangers. I only have a lot of ship coat.

People get really mad about how wire coat hangers destroy your clothes. How would they distinct you with the shape Mia does? But they're destroyed anyway.

You know, fine, you know, I think you've got your ship together because your cat eye is looking amazing. Thank you, has a very good wing cat eye today. And I think when someone can pull off a really good wing and a symmetrical wing, that she's got a ship together. I tried really really hard.

Okay, how about return online shopping within thirty days?

Absolutely none of us.

I've actually moved to the point in my life where I just wear it doesn't fit, don't like it, I'm not going to return it. I cannot afford to be buying things that we don't wear, don't have enough coat hangers?

Can I read some of the things I have on my list? This list is basically everything my sister does that I don't have a lip gloss attached to her key ring.

Oh wow, I saw one of those who say the other day, and I thought, oh, that's amazing.

And then I got.

To like, I haven't returned my shopping yet. Carry around a fully charged portable charger.

Oh, this is the problem. So in my life I have bought quite a few of those little power bank things. But then the power bank things runs out of power. Then it's just remember to charge it.

Whose job is it?

Not mine? Mine? I need it? That's remember. Charge charged power bank in your bag or a charge it in your back is like very high level shit together. It's so good.

Okay, keep a craff of cold water in her fridge.

I do that.

You do?

That's one thing? Well, not a craft, but a bottle. I always have a couple of bottles of cold tapwater in the fridge. I'm the only one in the house who fills them up. So when I get home I have to being away for a couple of days, they're always empty around the kitchen. I do it, and you know what, it makes me feel like I've got my life together. Yeah, I'm very very impressed.

When she's serving tea, she gives you a matching saucer with your tea cup.

What so we have Megan's house, Like, what's going on?

I didn't have space in my kitchen for saucers. Use packing cubes in her suitcase.

Oh that's very life together.

Shit, Yeah, surely people only ever do that one Okay, and last washes her hair when it needs to be washed.

Who doesn't do that? Yeah, like my hair right now. But we already know that you like Tony shower when it's absolutely necessary, which I appreciate it.

When you guys, when you guys always I'm in with clean hair, that's always down, I'm like, that's crazy.

You have your shit together.

No, I'm very much like I'm always at the point where I'm like, hmm, I.

Wish i'd washed my hair more recently, Like you know what I mean?

Like, no, matter what, every single year, which day are we on me? I'm very impressed. This is a very high level. You may not even relate people who make their own stock like that is amazing. I don't know. You can make stock. Oh, anytime you use a barbecue, anytime you have a chicken, anytime you have any meat leftover, people make their own stock. They bubble it upon the stove. Actually, I said barbecue chicken there, but my friend told me

But my question with a lot of these things, and that in particular, is is it worth it eighteen hundreds?

You can buy stock?

No, but a it's much nicer, is it, actually? And it's healthy because you know exactly what's in it. Not that I care about that really, but you know, and you don't always need a big thing of stock. Sometimes you just need a little thing of stock. In my dreams, my freezer is full of stock. It's stock, just soup. Stock is kind of soup, but it's what you use to make soup chicken many liquids. Is stock soup? Well, yes, but no, you need stock if you're going to make soup,

It's and it becomes a bit of a flex you go.

Really does someone's like, oh, here's the little lunch box on my child, And I'm like, oh, I was just.

Gonna go to the shop and get Matilda a muffin my snackl Yeah, exactly, Okay.

Mine are owning a blazer that fits and is still the right shape.

I've never ever I saw a video.

On Mumma's Socials yesterday, I think from one of the hosts of Nothing to Wear, and she was wearing this blazer and I looked at it and thought, why have I never been able to nail a blazer?

And I was like the.

Hard to wear though I have like so many blazers, all wrong. The only one that fits me is bright orange.

But I've never been able to nail a blazer. And I don't know if it's like my proportions. But also it's like as soon as I buy it, it gets shoved somewhere and then I forget the.

Shoulder pads, go cook it.

I think I'm gonna try and nail a blazer this winter. We should all try it because it is a very good like the climate we live in, which is a very cold, but it's cold enough like it's a good transitional piece. Look at me, Campbell. But I never it's always I'm not quite right with it. But I think this is my year. I think I'm going to try to pull out all the blazers from my cupboard and try and wear them. Yeah, oversized blazer are still in. We're going back to fitted. You're asking them, right, I

No, I think they are.

But oversized again only works on people with their ship together. Otherwise it's like, why do you buy a blazer that's too big.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, are you three little children standing?

Yes? I am, Yes, I am most of the time.

And the other parenting thing with having your shit together is the parents who have everything labeled. I have nothing, Like what do you need labeled? Drink bottles, hats, socks, clothes, everything.

Everything you send your kid to, like with lunch box.

All of that.

So I have, Yeah, you don't know whether that's turned up, but I have taken home another child's drink bottle because and it's completely on me because I haven't labeled anything.

But then I'm like, is this a hack because free drink bottle?

Well, I'll no, it's Matilda's because it's not true.

My kid.

This is one of the perks that being a hot mess mother.

Exactly after the break, our recommendations of what to watch as the weather's getting a little bit chillier.

Vibes, ideas atmosphere, something casual, something fun.

This is my best recommendation.

It's Friday, so we want to help set up your weekend with our best recommendations. I hope you have nothing planned because all of these are TV shows. M Do you want to go first?

I'll go first.

I'm recommending a brand new TV show that came out this week. It's called Margo's Got Money Trouble. Anticipated because my Big Book, Big Book.

Sorry, Shoeing a Fly. I was like, what flies here?

Insane?

Look at all these plants behind me.

I'm in a jungle anyway, Big Book by Rufie Thorpe. It is one of the funniest books I've ever read, and I read it a while ago. So I've been really looking forward to this TV show because it has a huge cast. Elle Fanning plays Margo, the main character, and her parents are played by Nick Offerman and Michelle Phaiffer.

I love Nick Offerman. He's so funny and if you think how a crush on him is that allowed? Yes, because he's a celebrity.

Okay, good, Yeah, But if you think about it, Elle Fanning does kind of look like their child.

It's actually once you pointed that out to me, I was like, that is so clever.

I love casting like that.

So Elle Fanning plays Margo. She's a girl in her late teens early twenties. She dropped out of university because she's having a baby and her she's getting advice from her parents. Michelle Peiffer and Nick Offerman that's not the name, forgot their character's name. But he's like an ex pro wrestler, and she's an ex hooter's wage and she's trying to find a way to make money because Ren's getting so expensive.

It is so so funny, so good.

The thing I loved the most about that book, and I'm sure the TV show does it as well. It is a trojan horse for a really powerful point about sex work.

Yeah, and if you.

I made some people in my life read it who I knew had certain stigmas, and I was like, you will come out the other end thinking very differently about sex work. So it's funny, but you also feel quite quite like you've really walked in someone else's shoes.

Yeah, oh gosh.

And it's also a really good insight into that world and how there are so many like content creators on only fans. And I think we always have this joke of going, oh, I hate work right now, I'm just gonna start only fans. I'm like, it's actually really hard because like what if you're starting only fans and then no one wants to watch you?

What's it on?

It is on Apple TV Apple TV first three episodes out now and then a weekly drop after that.

All Right, Mine is also a TV show. It's on HBO Max. It is called.

DTF Saint Louis and it is a dark comedy and starring Jason Bateman.

I also love him, so I also have a crush for him. Yeah.

I heard somebody say, no, so do I in like a there's this certain like middle aged married man crush that I have.

Oh he's a wife guy.

Yeah, yeah, people say.

I've heard people say after this show, he's like the Jennifer Aniston of acting in that he's always acting Jason Bateman.

And you know what sidebar, he and Jennifer Anison are best friends.

That's really sweet.

So they I listen to SmartLess. Sometimes sometimes it' annoying, sometimes it's amazing. Bateman's on that, and so I feel like I know him in that. I know that he is very anally retentive. He's obsessed with cleanliness and germs. He's also best bestest friends with Anniston and that whole crowd, And if I could transport into another life, I want to go around to their house on Sunday afternoons. They always get together on Sunday for nooon, have tacos well,

His character in this is giving all of that, and that's what I mean about.

He just always plays Jason Bateman. David Harbor's in it, and he's really likable. Oh dear, I know that's Lily Allen's bad husband, even though I'm like, but you did not eat, but you're lovely anyway.

What's his like facial hair situation in the show, because he changed it up during Stranger Things.

Dah, He's got a little bit, he's got a big mustache and he physically plays this role.

So we've hijacked without Baitman and everyone's telling me about this show.

So sorry, Linda Cardlini is in it, and every even just like little cameo, like there's a Peter Sarsgard. It's just like plays quite a peripheral role, like anyway, because basically it starts with this friendship between these two guys.

David Harbor, his.

Character is a sign language interpreter, which is just fascinating to find out all the elements of that job. And he's friends with Jason Bateman, who is the weather man. But I won't ruin next. I think this happens at the end.

Of the first episode.

Somebody ends up dead and is called DTF Saint Louis because they've been using a dating app called DTS Saint Louis and it enables married couples to have affairs.

So a bit like the Ashley Madison thing.

Oh so it is because DTO stands for.

And it's really clever the way the narrative is really nonlinear. You know that somebody's dead, but you don't know how, you don't know who did it. It takes you in. It's really really really twisty. But the thing I love the most about it is it is the most original piece of television I've seen in so long.

It is laugh out loud, funny in.

Bizarre ways, one of those things where you go, how did anyone come up with these characters, this plot, this weird quirk that this particular character does. Like, it's so so so good. The mixture between laugh out loud comedy and like a murder mystery reminds me of Deadlock.

Oh in a way.

But it is really really original and fresh and I absolutely adore it.

Amazing, And I have another TV show because as I think, we've got something for everybody in this selection. This TV show is one that I have been waiting to watch for ages, but it wasn't available here, and now it is. And it's by Sally Wainwright, who.

Is Happy Valley.

No relation to me, but I wish she were Happy Valley. So Sallly Waynwright is a British TV writer who is unbelievably great Happy Valley. She wrote Las Tango and Halifax. She sets all her stories in the North of England, in Yorkshire. She is just brilliant and she this show I've been reading about it for months, called Riot Women, and I was like, where can I watch it? Well, friends, you can watch it free to air SBS un demand. You don't even have to get a new streaming service

I want you to start a punch.

They are not cute, they are so it literally starts the first episode like like all Sully wayIn writes things, it's funny, but.

It's also dark. So these various women, I think there are six women in various stages of problems with their life. And you know, it literally starts with someone being interrupted in a serious act of self harm by the phone ringing and her friend asking or she wants to join

It's very sovereign hobby.

It is very sovereign hobby because these women, most of them are like caring for parents with dementia, Various things are going on in their life. You know, they're feeling that level of invisibility and all those things, and it's just yeah, it's great. It's great. So on SBS and Demand, it's called Riot Women. Go for your life.

Out loud as before we go, one.

More thing this month. We have a very special treat for subscribers that might make you want to become a subscriber. And it's from bed Threads. Who are They make bedding towels, sheets like the best. I love my Bedthreads stuff.

And it's linen, so the more you wash it, the cozier they become.

And the colors they just they just have the best colors of everything, plain, classy, gorgeous, tonal. I love Bedthreads things. Anyway, Well, bed Threads are offering one lucky Mamma Mia subscriber two thousand dollars to spend across their site. I'm so jealous. Can we do it? It's not in the rule do you work at mom and Mia. But if you don't work at MoMA Mia, which most of you, I assume rules, I was like, I want the bed Threads anyway, if you were already a subscriber, you are or a in

That's all we've got time for this Friday out louder Is, have a lovely weekend. Thank you for joining us, we always have so much fun on a Friday, and a big thank you to our team. By Mummer acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.