The Five Love Languages

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Hi, my name is Malik, your host of Malik's bookshel Welcome everybody.

I think you're going to enjoy this episode.

I brought back the fam and we talked about the five.

Love languages because I read.

A book and it was called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, PhD.

Now let's give him his prop. Now, doctor Master.

Psychologists interview hundreds and hundreds of people, well, not necessarily interview, but counsel as a psychologist and.

Wrote a book.

But he found a common denominator of five love languages. And I thought it would just make good conversation to have a talk with my fam, April, Mecca and Zaire. And it was a very engaging and very insightful and enlightening conversation where we all got a chance to just talk about these five love languages.

As usual.

I took my fan by surprise and they didn't have time to process. You know, me, I got a chance to read doctor Gary Chapman's book at least, so they didn't get a chance to really process.

And you get a chance to.

Hear two teenagers and two mature parents adults discuss love in a very spontaneous and organic way. I was quite surprised with some of their answers and some of the statements that they made. You know, as a teenager, you think different than someone who is twenty thirty just lived a lot longer. You know, twenty is not really that

To be the best teacher.

But I'm going to feature that conversation, which I thought was just refreshing. I do have an interview that took place in Eligue Books with a young lady named sin Fabrie that wrote a book that created a Benny war Apple ended up winning out. But the book is out and it's Wolf Hustle, A Black Woman on Wall Street. It's a memoir about a young black woman, a cent

So this is gonna be a movie.

This is a book that's out now and I got a chance to interviewer for a few minutes at Malik Books.

The book is available and signed at Malitite Books.

But it makes for a good read and it makes gonna make for a good movie because I love the Wolf of Wallshirt.

I watched that movie all the day time. It's just one of those classics.

Now hit you know, A lot went on, a lot was happening, was a lot happening.

They was living a life.

But I enjoy the hustle in that movie. And I'm sure this new book out.

Wolf Hustle is gonna be a great read.

Pick up a cop Comingleebooks dot com, and now let's enjoy the episode. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's bookshelf. Bringing a world together with books, culture and community. I want to have a conversation with the fam about the five love languages. What's happening is this psychiatrist he realized that most people in relationships, whether it be marital boyfriend and girlfriend, a relationship with kids, friendships, it all boils down to

The five love languages.

All right, So we are words, we have service, gifts, touch, and time.

These are the five love languages.

Now we talk about words, okay, affirmations.

Everything that comes out of your mouth.

Is intentional or unintentional, and they have consequences the reality. So the words you choose are important in terms of the relationship that you're trying to create because words are powerful. Words can create life or be destructive towards life. Then we're talking about service, acts of kindness or doing something that around the house like domestic cleaning or fixing, or you know your tires is damaged and you fix the tires.

It makes people feel desired, wanted, appreciated. So gifts.

These are all languages, and you have to be on the same pain because everybody's different. Now the question is I'm gonna be asking them, is which one means more than them?

What's their number one?

Because that's a love language, that's what they desire. And so the other two is the other two is time. The other one is time right, time, all right? Sometimes people want time, They want you to spend time with them. Oftentimes, when you meet somebody, court, somebody, whether it's friends or relationship, time, you spending time, and then all of a sudden you stop spending time.

What kind of effect that would that have on the relationship? See, because you're not spending any more time. And then the other one is touch right.

Touch here you Actually, some people are affectionate and they like you to touch them, you know, or you know, and they could be spiritual touch, physical touch.

But they feel that you're present. They feel that you're there and in a way that is stimulating and very enjoyable. So you have the touch.

So since I'm talking already, I'm gonna and broke down the five. I'm gonna go around the round table. April, Zayir Mecca. That's the faun. So who want to go first? Which one out of those five?

All right?

Okay?

So for me, I think that time is the most important, like the sign of affection, because you like, you're taking your time to see like the things they like, the stuff like their pet peeves and their their own love language. And you're putting like the time and effort into being present for them and going to important things stuff they would like really want you to go to m and just being there, you know, makes them feel appreciated and wanted and like like you actually care for them.

And uh yeah, I mean time matters.

Time build you know, history, it builds companionships, it builds.

Future, you know, one step, one brick at a time.

So you saying time, and I think that you explained that very well, the importance of time.

Now, who's next?

My love language.

I think everyone can agreements its gifts.

Everyone here can agree.

To gifts is my personal love language. And I know you only said five, but my but I believe laughter is like if you can't if we can't laugh together with each other at each other, it's so dull to okay, So what words gifts and love gifts and words for sure? Gifts is my first point of a love language. I enjoy getting gifts. I enjoy giving gifts. It works both ways.

Gifts, like because because Mary made a good point, like words for me too was like a love lames for me, like one bad thing or will like change my entire mood and my entire.

Perspective of the person.

And if they say a good thing about me, well I'll feel like really happy and like like I'm actually doing really good.

Yeah, real talk, real talk, real talk. So I have.

Two of them, which is time and gifts. For time is uh and what you say about people being there and sometimes they don't be there, but you know they're in the same household or where you're at. Even if you don't see them, you know, you can feel them in anywhere. Uh. And for gifts, sometimes when you give stuff to people, sometimes they don't give them back to you, but they know that it's out of love and curiosity. And and when I get gifts, uh, it just changed my whole day.

And yeah, I remember, I mean you just had a birthday, and I remember we.

Rolled the scooter out in the look on your face, you know.

For touch, I think that for some people, touch only gets you so far. Depending on that person and how their attitude is, they may just like you know, how some people are insecure, it may just think they may just think that touch like you're only with them for their body and stuff. And if you don't, like I said, if you don't pay them enough time, they'll think you're only taking advantage of them. But I guess some people they appreciated as well.

But that's what I was saying.

Yeah, well, the touch is very important because none of us will be here without it.

I mean, that's how procreation occurs.

That the sex oftentimes causes people momentarily to forget their problems. What if they had an argument or a situation because it changed the chemicals in your body, at least for a moment.

There's a release where you feel you.

Fought and your state of mind has changed now depending on the severity of a situation. But sex is one of the most important things in relationships and it keeps people together.

When you're in a relationship and you're not having.

Sex, it's the beginning and the end because if you're young, your hormones are raging, your hormones on an epic level. And if you're not having sex with that person and you young twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, you know, when you're young, touch is more important in a relationship than.

When you're old or older. Older. It's a big difference, and it changes over time.

Yes, sometimes touch don't even equal to sex, Like I have we've been together for so long. When you touch me or touch my head, rub my head, it's like a sleeping pill. It's a sleeping pill to me, and it makes my body feel a certain type of way. So and it don't even lead to sex. It's like, Okay, I'm relaxed just by that touch. And when you just rubbing my head.

Yeah, and you know, maybe, and we're a lot older, and so the touching a person in their early years or early in the relationship has a different effect on touching a person in a lot of years. And now, in terms of those five love languages, that's what I'm going to express my order of these five, all right, And I think the order would be different if I was younger. But I think one thing is consistent, no

But I think that it's very important that.

That the one I want to express is I think number one, no matter how old I am, because I think that it's the foundation of.

Any type of relationship, whether it's.

Your wife, your girlfriend, your mother, your father, a relationship with your children. I think that this is number one. And I've had to learn that over the years. I have to learn that just by maturing. So I need you to tell me what you think it is.

Words being go, being go, that's number one. Words.

Words are number one, and they are to meet the building blocks to every relationship. If I meet a person, yes, looking at them with my eyes is one reaction.

But the relationship ain't gonna be built on looking. It's gonna be built on the visation, the communication.

And that's the key to the success of any relationship is how you communicate.

And a language is.

A group of words, and it does affect every facet in every relationship.

Now, word's the number one for me. Then I feel.

That if I want to build a relationship, whatever type, business, professional, marital, children, it's my service now because.

I'm feeling a certain way.

And when you feel a certain way, that doesn't to me translate in giving gifts.

That to me translating me saying hey, you know I want to do this for you. I want to do that for you.

Like I said earlier about a car, if I say, oh, I like to bry you know you want.

To respect, to protect, prod to protect.

If I look at your car and see your tires are flat, I'm gonna help you change it.

You know, I'm not gonna say, oh, you need your tires change. I'm gonna do something right. That's service.

I'm in your house, Hey, this is broke, let me fix that. And for some women and for some that's a turn on. For other women's it's not to be a handy man a maintenance man in that way.

Okay.

So that's why I feel like service acts of service would be number two, because now I'm demonstrating to you my my ability or what's the word, my importance in you.

You know said, wow, you know that it brings it Yes, yes.

It brings out value not only for you, but to that person, like, oh wow, I value this person because of this that and that it brings out a value like you.

Know, it's I did times. That's right, you know, and.

I still remember that, you still remember that a service.

And if I come to your house and let's say you got kids, right, and I'm dating you, right, and I'm coming in your house and just eating your food, why not bring some food to you?

Why not put some food in your refrigerator?

See, And I've experienced that, and that's one of the things I remember. The young lady I was dating, she said, he said, man, you the only one that would come back gifts. I mean, she didn't look at his gift. But I'm bringing something. I'm bringing food to the house. Now that could be looked at as a circle if you looked at as a gift. But after service. Right, then I feel that I've established something. So I think gifts in touch and time. You see what I'm saying,

So that's kind of you know.

How I see the five lovel But I'll say that if you can't get on the same page with those five love languages then and not able to communicate with each other through those five love languages.

You in for a whirl when what I'm saying.

That goes into wanting to please one another's when you're talking about it in a relationship. My top love language is not your top love language. And I get that and you get that. So whatever I'm not getting from you, and you know my love love language is the gifts, and you're trying to give me what your love language is. It's not gonna work, it's not gonna write.

I need to meet you with your love and vice versa.

If yours is words, I have to give you the words. And if miss gifts, you know, you might say words to me. I'm like, oh that's okay, that's nice, that's fine. It just doesn't trigger the same emotions.

Yes, you know a lot of people.

You know, people go to work, they work a lot, and they don't see each other that much. And there's they don't put any time any work. They don't go out and date, they don't do nothing together. You know, a father don't spend time with his children because he out here with his buddies. You know, people get divorced and the kids, you know, don't have the quality time that they said, because it's two households and that could

You better you could be better communicate it. You got some more to say.

Language said for a service, even if they don't want the service, it's out of someone's hard So even if they still don't want it, you have nothing to do. You can help them fix and fix something that's broken or that doesn't word.

Do you think cooking for a person is an active service?

Yeah, it's active service because, uh do you know.

They say the way do a man's uh is do his stomach. Yeah, the way through a man's heart is through his stomach. And cooking how important that is?

Like that too, You used to do that for me too as a walking head. Yo.

She pull of cookies like, oh this is great. Your first meal you ever made me was lasagna. You did it from scratch lasagna and cookies, cookies. It was so delicious.

What we talk what we tell mack to the day she.

Wanted to learn how to cook.

Hell you to say what they said? Huh?

I actual if about family traditions and stuff. And I went to German mama cooking for Thanksgiving because my.

Daddy said I should learn how to cook.

So I want to.

I want to.

If I'm gonna learn, one might as well learn the tradition.

Yes, yes, cooking.

I think it's very import And you know, I grew up around with Sunday dinners the whole family. But more important, I learned how to cook by watching my mom, my, whole brother, sister.

We all learned how to cook.

And all of us cook well, all of us cook good, but we wanted to learn how to cook. That's the key in the importance of learning, and and and and But that's an act of service to getting to me, you know, assistant. You know a lot of times people think that the duty of a woman is to clean the home and the man shit around and do nothing but go to work.

It's I mean, what's your thoughts on that?

That ain't happening nowadays. They don't have Some man today still like that, But majority of the time it's not like that anymore. Everybody have a duty. And that's saying that that duty it might be the same thing. You might get home earlier than me, so it's your your duty to get home and do chores and cook the dinner, and I might get home late. So don't leave that only up to a woman.

I mean, are there a lot of relationships where they out of balance.

Yes, I've been in relationship, but the men cooked and clean for me. I've been in those relationships. My first relationship was like that. I didn't watch clothes at I was twenty one years old.

I didn't.

I didn't watch clothes. He washed the clothes. That that's something that he did. And after that I was in relationships and they cooked very good and cleaned very good, very good.

So I enjoyed that.

I enjoyed it.

Some men are not domestic, and that is a challenge for men.

Men aren't. But I've had a few.

I've hung out with women that wasn't domestic, and it was a turn off for me.

But that's you, though, that that's but that's that, that's you. Everybody is different, everybody. That's what makes everyone different.

I enjoyed it.

I enjoy it both ways.

I enjoy cooking.

I've heard that people say women have the cooking geen. Is that a thing? I don't know, No, because.

That's what I hear people saying, what is that's what to mean?

Well, well, here's the thing is that women have a natural maternal instinct, and when it comes to a being domestic, meaning the house, being the woman of the house and taking care of the house and the cleaning and all that, it seems that they do it more effortlessly.

And naturally, whereas whereas we struggle as men more.

Now that's not to say that a lot of men are not naturally good at it, but we found I mean, you know, that's just the age old conversation were living in at a different time where where men and women are working. They're not at home like they used to be, one at home, one working. We're living in a time when both out hustling and bustling and trying to make it make ends me.

So you know, that definition of the household and who does this has to.

Change because we don't live in those times where the women is just sitting at home or a man just sitting at home. We're living in a time we're both out of the home, so both have to participate in domestic chores of the house. Final thoughts, anyone, final thoughts on this? This was spontaneous, the five Love Languages. I hope y'all got something out of it. That's what Malie's Bookshelf, bringing a world together with books, culture and community is.

The Wolf Hustle A Black Woman on Wall Street.

That's right.

New book tell us a little deeply about why is parallels.

The Wolf of Wall Street.

First book memoir. This is a this is like almost a coming of age story. But it starts when I'm sixteen, and I am at nineteen, the youngest black Stockbrook on Wall Street. And if anybody watched The Wolf of Wall Street, they're going to get an idea of the guys I worked for at that time. But I tell you about how I did my own hustle, how I made a

And what year, what time of the year was just it just took place on Wall Street.

This was the early nineties early It might be before some of you folks, depending on what streaming media you're getting this on. But yeah, this was the early nineties, I think, which was the best time of the year, the best time, the best decade.

I said, well, how many black women was on Wall Street at this during this time?

I mean, it says women. So that's why I think I'm the only woman that I know of.

So you ain't seen no women there were black on Wall Street?

Were you? Yeah?

I mean, I mean I didn't think about it until after the fact. During the time, I was just like I didn't care. I was like, I'll be the dark horse. No one seas coming.

So that's the way I did it.

And I think for anything anybody wants to do, just do that. Stick to whatever it is.

And so and so did you at that time experienced, like on Wall Street racism or you know, what's your thoughts about that being the only black woman. I mean, that's that's history in.

The sense, you know, I grew up in the Caribbean household, and so in the Caribbean we're the majority, not the minority. And so for me to be on Wall Street at that time, I never thought anything of it. You know, the racism obviously was there. There was misogyny, There was a lot, but I think for me, I looked at

I'm trying to get an interview, so yeah, yeah, yeah, what did you talk about that in the book The Misogyny RS.

Yeah, and I explore all of it there was so many things that happened. But I also, I'm no victim in the story. You know, I'm winning and I'm wanting people to get inspired. So there's no I'm not a victim. I'm still winning. So it's all about the hustle. And if you can connect with that, then you're gonna love the story. There's no way you want.

So this is a memoir. It's a memoir, and it's about.

About you and your journey as a black woman on Wall Street, things that you experienced, and and that's a that's an interesting world because you know, you know, we every day we wake up and we hear about stock market, and we hear about the Dow, and we hear about the Nash Deck.

And here you lived it in the nineties.

I lived it. And you know what's funny is I walked into this business not having that much of financial education as far as financial literacy, and years later after the business, I still didn't have that information was not accessible.

Most people to invest it.

I mean, I'll say this is that a lot of people made a lot of money in the stand mark a lot of people lost.

A lot of money. Yeah you lost a lot wow wow where it sounds.

What I'm gathering just for this short conversation is that a major part of your drive.

Was that you like to hustle. I love it. You know, are you hustling today?

And whatever you're doing, I'm about to hustle these books right here bookstores, so come through. They're signed and thank you for the support. And yeah, and I'd love to hear people's thoughts and comments and.

Hit me up on the ground if you can, bingo. Thank you.

Thanks for listening to Maleik's Bookshelf, where topics on the shelf are books, culture, and community.

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