Respect and Protect the Black Woman

My league Buns has all the knowledge you want.

My league has all the knowledge you need.

League but Chad, they have out the books that the whole wild world one up read My League Buds. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's Bookshelf, bringing a world together with books, culture and community. Hi, my name is Malik, your host of Malik's Bookshelf. Welcome everybody. This is the one hundred and third episode and I'm just so excited every week to bring you the next episode or segment now this week.

She's the author of this epic New.

York bestseller children's book called I Am Enough, and I believe I can't. She's an actress and a activist, and her book has made an overwhelming impact throughout this country because it deals with self esteem, love of self I was able to interview her at a book signing that we hosted in partnership with b sep Out in Cleveland

He's a new author.

In fact, he made the New York Times bestseller list last week, well this week, and he was just so elated and we was graciously happy to be able to help him.

We hosted him, we did a pre order campaign.

The book is called Blood at the Root, and Ladarian Williams had busted down some doors, opened some new windows with the book Blood at the Root, which depicts a young black boy coming of age who doesn't know who to trust, how to trust and find his true self and learn about his legacy, his roots. I just strongly liked the fact that the book was centered around a strong coming of age black mail, which it's just not a lot of books out written in this manner. Now,

It's a fantasy book. It's a wide book.

We got at Malise and its signs to come through or order online Milikbooks dot com. Ladarnwilliams New York Times Bestseller. Now that's historic because he's a new author and he hit that list with his first book, so that's an achievement.

Moving on, moving on, moving on.

We're going to talk about this upcoming episode because I was able to host an epic event at Malik Books and Seanie Henderson, she used to be married to Shaquille O'Neal, wrote a book called Undefeated, Changing the Rules and winning on my own terms. We popped out Malik Books standing room only, and we had co stars from the Basketball While. Because Shanie Henderson is the producer of The Basketball Wives,

But I'm gonna bring you some.

Of that because it was explosive and Shaney got a lot to say. Remember, she's married to a professional basketball brother called Shaquille O'Neill, not to mention the fact that she is a mother, is a wife, and an entrepreneur on top of being a producer who produced a hit TV series called Basketball Wise. So that's gonna be featured on this episode as well. I also want to talk about on this episode what has taken the social media,

So enjoy this hundred and third.

Episode Jasmine Silk and she's gonna be the moderator.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about.

Her before she come out.

All right, before, but.

Before I talk about Jasmine, I need everybody to follow Elite Books. I need everybody can post tonight. All right, we gotta cry a wave, right.

Shiney Henderson is in the house.

How they gonna know?

Let your poll.

You know what they used to.

Say, if a business don't have a business card, it ain't no business.

But if you don't have a social media pain, you don't have a business or a movement. So hey, you got to follow Elite Books, tag us tag Shiney follow.

Her as well. Now I told you I'm not man boat. Also, I'm gonna post actors. I don't want to leave that out. You know, I use to make a difference in our community.

I've been doing it for thirty years and I love what I do because books is the kiff that keeps home kiffing.

All right.

So now, Jasmin Simpsons, she's a journalist entertainment Noodles. She is one of the journalists on and interviewers for a show called La Unscripted. She works with k t LA, so she's very experienced, she's very knowledgeable.

She is in the house tonight, and y'all gonna have to bring her up with a.

Round of applause.

Chasman Simpkins, thank you, thank you, thank you.

One down, the next to come, the main feature. This is why all y'all here tonight. We here to lift up celebrate our new author. And she's more than an author, all right. She's a mother, she's a wife, and she's a producer.

And she here that night and she created a hit called Basketball Wives.

And she's resilient.

And that's why her book is called uh Defeated. You see what I'm saying that some little changing the.

Rules and win it on my own term. And that's the kind of woman we gotta malise Books tonight. A strong black woman, a woman that came through in firsity, got a story in a journey to share with us, and we're gonna bring her out tonight with a roundable plot. Because she's deserted. Le's goat, that's pretty up, Sonny Dennison, give on a reception, and.

Because she's desert because she's a star.

Not today, not today, it's gone for.

All right.

In all of my life, I don't know if I've ever had anybody but an introduction?

Shall we give around a Pontimli.

Whoa if y'all don't buy a book today?

After all of that, I.

Tell you, guys, I was in here and I did an interview with him on my show for KTLA, and I left and I bought three books. I'm not lying like I was so inspired as if I had not a clue that I was coming in to a bookstore.

He will make you buy a book and so much more. But again, let's give a run of loss to the League for allowing us to be here in the beautiful Books for one of two locations.

Actually, he started thirty years ago, by the way, during the riots, Rodney King riots, and was so inspired to get.

People to read, and boy is he doing it.

And he always has people of color, people that look like us here in his store in his bookstore to do a book signing. And so today we are going to be getting into Undefeated, written by first of all my friend who is now an author, but the amazing Shawnie Henderson.

You know, I don't cry, but a little tickle. It was almost don't do it. I've cried enough. All right, all right, let's get into Undefeated.

And then we will also allow everyone, as many people as we can to ask a few questions. But I wanna get into why you wanted to write a book. I feel like everyone has a book inside of them, no matter who you are, what you've been through, We've all got a story to tell. And so I'm curious did you always feel that way or was there something that happened that you were like, it's time to tell my story.

Cause you know, I've been telling you always need to tell your story, Jude's You've been saying that for years. It's nothing that happened.

I think that now this place that I'm in in life, I find myself having a conversation about myself a little more like. I don't know if it's because I'm more active in the community with church and things like that, where I'm constantly talking to women, I'm constantly sharing my experiences that I was like, you know what, let me go ahead and do it. I tried writing a book like back in I don't know.

Two thousand, eighteen nineteen.

And I just it wasn't my passion. It wasn't I wasn't ready to share my story. And even writing this book, I think I've m I changed it so many.

Times just out of fear. I was scared to share my story.

I was scared to just share because people are just people, be peopling, you know, and they'll take your experience twisted up into what they wanted to be as they are. But it's just like getting over that fear of what if or what if they think or how.

They'll you know, see my story in themselves. And I don't know. I was scared. But I'm about to be fifty. So I'm like, I'm all black. I'm black because you don't look even forty. Okay.

So the title is called undefeated, Yes, what is being undefeated to you?

Like?

What does that mean? And what do you hope people get from that word? Tweeting the book Undefeated? For me, it's literally.

Not taking any experience as a loss.

Right, So I always think I.

Haven't always thought, but I'll say now I I really do think of an experience. Even if I don't succeed at what I'm after, I think me not succeeding I still take as a win, cause now I know how not to do it right and I can go a different route.

So it's like.

Something that I've learned out of it. So I'm not defeated in that either. Even if it's not the goal that I was reaching, I now have a new perspective on it, so I'll take that as a win. So I just I want people to read it and realize, no matter what, you can take an opportunity, and you can take a challenge and make it an opportunity.

It's just a choice. So you know, whether it's me being broke, whether.

It's me you know, back in my parents' house, whether it's just mess ups in life, like, you can take that challenge or that moment in life and make it.

Into an opportunity. We're gonna get to that in a minute.

Uhh, when you were at your parents' house, I remember that time talking about that. But I do wanna ask you what has this journey from being a basketball wife to being divorced, to being broke, to starting the amazing venture.

That is basketball wives, to.

Being a first lady now and now an author. What has that journey taught you about yourself?

I think it's taught me that I actually have some true resilience, like and and I'm capable of.

Putting my feelings aside and just learning.

I want to I want, I cognitantly want to be better right and I want to try to be better at making better decisions, treating people better, my engagement with people Like I.

I will look sometimes at.

My husband and I always say this all the time, like he has this level of grace that is commendable but so hard to achieve because I am I'm like, why.

We gotta get at her in the third opportunity, you.

Know, like you gave them two already and I'm over it, you know.

But that's a learning process for me. And I really do.

Sit back and sometimes just be like, Wow, that's amazing because you aren't supposed to show grace.

You aren't supposed to you know, people make mistakes.

So I think just this process of continuing to learn in every moment and deciding to be grateful for those moments will change your perspective on like everything every day, Like you let things kind of roll off your back because you don't care as much about petty stuff because you're like M, you know, like I'm grateful for X, Y and Z. I'm not gonna allow you or this to disturb my piece. Yeah.

So the book is fourteen chapters, a little over two hundred pages. But you get into a lot. You get into a lot of this book. How many people have read the book already here? I know you have friend you're.

So.

I don't want to give too much away, but you get into a lot in the book. But were there what was that process or feeling like in terms of being this vulnerable in this book and telling your story in this way, because I know it was.

There's a lot.

You went through a lot and during this time, even and you go all the way back, you know, I do, yeah, I do, yeah, I I think it was therapeutic to go through.

It was the journey. It's so much that I looked out. I mean, even the.

Conversation we were just having, I was.

I'm gonna tell that story or verbally one day.

But even when I was talking to Alicia when I got here and she was reminding me of things. She was like, oh, you didn't tell the story about this, and I was like, oh my god, I forgot about that. But they're like big pivotal moments. But again, it was the fear of exposing other people that I was like,

That, but I'll share an interviews one day, or.

You're sharing a movie speaking that movie Undefeated movie, right, anybody?

Anybody would watched that, right? Yeah? The stories where the windings go speak that into existence. You turn this into a book and or the next book, right yeah? Yeah, I mean.

Yes, I don't know what that's gonna be. But I kind of like this book thing. I feel like I can say I can write a lot of things that I won't say.

I don't like talking about myself, Like in.

Conversation, I really don't. But I can write about myself a lot easier, like here, here's what I said, instead of sitting here talking about it, and I just show.

Up, you know, like I show up as my genuine self.

And I hope that me showing up as that speaks for itself instead of me having to talk about it, like I want to show you who I am versus.

Tell you who I am.

Yeah, the book, if anything, I think it's very empowering and inspiring to women. I don't and men don't see how anybody could read this and not feel like, gosh, if she could do this and climb those mountains in those valleys and have the journey that she's had, then I know I can do this, right.

That was the point, Like that's the only reason I shared it, because when I would talk to women and share like oh girl, this happened to me and you know this is what I did, they were like, wow.

People don't know this about you. So wrote the book.

And I'm hoping that that's the end result, right, that you can read it and realize like, oh yeah, it's not much that I can't push through, but it's a decision.

It literally is a mindset that I wish somebody had shared with me. You know, I wish somebody.

Had told me, girl, you can like change your mindset and not have to be depressed and not have to.

I mean, and don't get me wrong, depression is a real thing.

But at some point you have to have a conversation with yourself and you have to, you know, dig deep and it might take a minute, it might take therapy.

Trust me, you've been there too.

But it's the decision to make the decision to help yourself.

Speaking of decisions, Okay, So the book starts off. You're on your mama couch. Mama and your daddy couch and La Dara Heights at their house.

Kids are laying on you, and you talk about how you told your divorce attorney that you didn't want a cent to kill.

You had a Tina Turner moment, I don't want nothing but my name moment. I would have gave that back, but I have little kids. He's gone now. But where did that come from?

Because I'm sure if I said it or I didn't, I was thinking, girl, how are we doing that? I know, right, I say that to myself right now, like, but it's admirable, right, yeah, I guess where did that spirit of I am prioritizing me and I am taking this journey by myself for myself with my kids come from.

I was exhausted, like I just chose my piece. I was so so exhausted. And I had gone through the depression. I had gone through the crime, said, I gone through the anger. I literally went through all levels of everything, and I just was so tired that I didn't want to fight, you know, to me, I was like, how am I gonna win anyway?

Right?

Like I'm fighting against him, It's just not gonna be a fair fight, So why bother.

I was just gonna be more stressful.

It was already such a scary thing to get up and leave that I was so fearful of just everything. I didn't know what was happening. You know, I'd never done anything like this before. I never had experienced a divorce with a huge celebric that could say whatever they want to say and everybody's.

Gonna believe them.

There was already lies going around about me. I didn't want to be in a public eye because people were thinking I was cheating and stealing money. All these lives were being told, So it was like, I was so scared and just wanted piece so bad that I was like, here, keep it. Can we just get the papers done so that I could get this just over with.

I am not encouraging anybody else to do that. It was not smart, but it's it's just what I needed at that time. I needed the peace of mind and it gave me that. I will say that after all the stress and all that, and.

I had to go through that because I don't think I would be sitting here right now if I didn't.

It wasn't smart, but I chose peace of mind.

And because of it is where basketball wives and everything else trickled because I really like I had thought of the idea of basketball lives but sat on it.

It wasn't a big deal.

I'm comfortable right, I'm living okay, I'm I don't need it.

But when I did, you know, it was like, no, this has to work.

Like I don't have any career, any purpose, any money until it's divorces over.

I won't even get child support.

So I you know, I had to do what I had to do, and that's exactly what I did. So it was just a blessing that it happened was ugly, but it was needed.

I feel like God rewarded your sacrifice for sure.

For sure, Yeah, for sure, I say that my journey, whatever it was, how it was, was for my reward.

And I feel like my reward is now Like I am literally the happiest I've ever been. I'm the most unbothered, you know, and I just feel like I'm sitting in my joy right now.

Yeah, yeah, aman to that. Well, let's talk about Basketball wives. Some of the Basketball wives are here with us.

Hey, ladies, you've not only created a hit show, You've created a a l a brand. You know that is going to be a part of your legacy, right have you thought about that?

From that day of having this seed of I wanna do this show.

I think I could do this show, to having the courage to do the show, right cause, I know, you walk in rooms and there were naysayers and people felt like, well.

Why should we give you an opportunity to do a show? What have you done?

And now you go, well, look at what I've done right now, I can do that now, you know what. What's crazy though, when I was selling that show, it wasn't many reality.

Shows on air, right the.

Kardashians Real Housewives hadn't quite started yet, but it was one of those things that I just again, it was like supposed to happen because they wanted it so bad that it was a easy sell for me because it was something that they just wanted on TV at the time.

But it was all timing, to be honest and on the first people I called was.

Evelyn, And if you experienced Evelyn back in those days, right when we were in Miami, I just was like, you are television, like I would watch you.

I would watch her.

I sat in front of her and I would just be like this during games because that's how entertaining.

Y'all know she's entertaining. But that she was like one of the first people I called. And what she said yes, I was like, oh, okay, I think I have something here.

And it was all she wrote after that, like it I don't know what I didn't know what I was getting into, and I don't.

Think she knew what she was getting into. We had no clue what we were doing. I had no clue how to sell a show. I didn't have a clue how to do reality TV.

We literally learned in real time and if you go back, we looked a hot mess.

You could tell we did not know what we were doing. We didn't know to get our makeup done professionally. We didn't know. We didn't know. We didn't know to get our clothes right. We were just we were. We thought we was cute. But it's hot in Miamis during that time. We're Florida too. We were was a little boys all the time. Just like damp on the forehead. We're gonna have no real makeup jobs.

I loved that there is a chapter called girlfriends. Yeah, we were speaking about Avelyn, but there was a village of homegirls, of sister girls, of friends that really helped you that you talk about uh in the book.

Why did you also want to make sure you include with them because they are so much a part of my journey, you know, like so much.

I mean I feel like if I didn't have real girlfriends in a real trive, I'd be nuts, you know. I mean, you need that person, any of those people that just you know, protect you can sit in silence with you, can you know, give you a little encouragement. And I have five kids at the time, you know, and all my kids call you on Auntie and everything, and I needed that. I needed help and just support.

And it's like a safety net and and I feel protected. I think our our secrets.

Stay in the in the huddle, our our ups, downs, lows, everything. I think y'all are really the only ones that know everything that happened, you know, and everything that I went through.

And we've been there for each other. So it's not I'm.

Just not saying neat, but I think we we really hold each other down and that's super impois.

I don't feel safe in a lot of spaces.

Yeah, and I think I've just seen a lot, you know, so I don't.

I I it's always good to have a safe space. A couple more questions than I'm gonna bring it to the audience and probably can't bring me chapter elesn. I don't think it's chapter eleven by accident? What is chapter chapter? She don't know? Chapter is cool?

That my book?

Like yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, all right, let's get into it.

That's our number.

Yes, I know, I know.

Yeah, you have that beautiful chapter.

By the way, Yes, how would you describe this phase of love in your life because you were with someone for ten years? I'm married for seven, right, but now you have the love of your life and I see this love and it's different, right, it is.

That's what I'm trying to tell y'all.

Shade room, shade, no shade, no shame. But it is different to love and be in love. And you couldn't tell me then that I wasn't in love. I thought I was. I really did think that that's what being in love felt like, because I had never been in love. And now fast forward to my relationship and ship and my husband.

Now I really have learned. It's funny, I think I.

Said to him, like what, I don't know if I was at love now because this feeling is not that feeling. But I didn't know. So, Yes, I loved him. You know, he was my husband, he's my kid's father, he's I loved him, and I love the idea of family and and you know, I loved all of that.

But to know what being in love and being loved correctly and being loved in a way that.

My other friend Monique says, I want to be inside.

Of him, like that's how she loves.

She's like, I want to feel like I can climb inside of his body and live there.

That's how much I love him, That's how I feel. I'm gonna climb inside.

He knows that I always feel like just we can just hold hands all day long day connected to me. But I have not felt that way.

And that's no shade. That's not like a bad thing.

It's just like I I've got to a point in my life where now I'm realizing that love language is real. Right, you don't receive love the same way you give it all the time.

That person might not receive love the same way you want it.

And for us to learn that, or me to learn that, has changed love for me altogether.

And knowing what being in love actually feels like.

Yeah, I feel like you're obviously in a new season, but in a new chapter of your life. Right, Yeah, what would you call this chapter of Shannie Anderson?

Grown and sexy? I really do feel real grown, though, I do. I know I'm silly in act that I feel so grown though, Like I don't know that I always felt grown.

Yeah, I mean I know I'm a mom of five and all that, and I do grown things, but to feel like I know something, like you know, I feel like I could help somebody with what I know and what I've experienced and what I've lived that I don't always feel like that.

So that's why I say like, I just feel real grown woman.

But without further ado, a round of applause for Shawnee Henderson.

I'd just been changing the rules and winning on my arm. Get a thankybody, Thank you for doing. Thank you, You welcome you walk them, you welcome. Yo. I watched basketball wise and it wasn't no fighting up you hit to day.

Yes, yes, yes, that her entertain me. But I'm glad it wasn't no dukeing out.

You know.

But y'all not the same as y'all was whinning for. Like Shanny said, right, so we all caught. That's one thing. If you get old and you're better bro mature, it's so hey, no fighting them. But but but but this is wonderful. Thank you for coming out to believe. We're gonna sign spot.

But before we get.

There, we gotta take some pictures real quick in this sweet spot.

Isn't these books wonderful lines up right here.

Give it up for Shanni Sat, give it a room and winning on my own term.

The streets is talking because we witness not an allegation, not amateur TV, not something made up.

We witnessed Sean Diddy Combs.

Throwing down, kicking, dragging his ex girlfriend Cassie Now on this tape that went worldwide. This video was taped in twenty sixteen, so we're talking eight years.

And my understanding is that.

Did he paid fifty thousand dollars to get this hotel footage?

Nevertheless it got leaped out.

Now I guess I'm assuming that the hotel made a copy of it, didn't give him the complete original, paid on fifty thousand dollars for a tape that still got leaked out. Now I believe did he settled a thirty million dollars lawsuit by Casey against him, and he never wanted to see this footage ever release. I can only sit back and wonder between those eight years, how many other women that he beat, that he dragged, that he kicked, that he verbally abuse, and that he manipulated. This is

Listen, listen. It ain't nobody perfect.

Everyone has made some type of mistakes in life, both man and woman. There are things that people have done, all of us, that we take.

To our grave.

I'm sure this is a moment that he wanted to take through his grave and.

Never get out to the public.

But it's gotten Out's talking about it every news outlet or the entertainers, just.

People in general.

Everybody got an opinion about this video that was leaked out with Diddy is dragging, kicking, throwing down, passing.

Now, there ain't no defense for this. When you're wrong, you're wrong, and.

It is upsetting to see a black man, a wealthy black man, behaving in a monstrous way. I'm not going to excuse Diddy.

I'm not going to defend him, but what I am gonna say this behavior got to stop, and it's been passed on from one generation to another.

This is not how we control our woman. This is not how we treat our women. This is not how we behave in a relationship. I watched the movie Color Purple. They came out last year. It was a remake of the original Color Purple. It came out forty years ago, I believe. Well, anyway, the men in that movie were horrifying. They beat that woman, they dragged that woman, even punched that woman, and whipped them with whips, a stenchion chord or anything that they felt would still fear in order

On their own wives and children. This got to stop. You're responsible for what you know.

This is called post traumatic slavery syndrome. Now, I got a book at Malie Books that talks about this. Just like people have go to war and come back home in a state of shock, and they call it PTSD, which is post traumatic stress disorder. It's a lot of trauma in the hood and a lot of people are not talking about this because it brings up the past history of America that America wants to.

Escape from but never address.

Now, Black people suffer in America from post traumatic slavery syndrome, and most profession in the psychiatri word the scientific world know this, but none of this is often spoke of because America doesn't want to address its past sins, and so this behavior has been passed on from one generation to another, thinking that that's the way you control someone.

You love, like your wife, like your children, your daughters.

All of this and a lot of money is spent on PTSD post traumatic stress disorder, a lot of money when people come out of military witness something to traumatize them, and yet practically no money is spent to address the post traumatic slavery syndrome.

And this is real and it needs to be addressed.

I'm not excusing PDDY and not a cover for his defenseless behavior. Wrong, and he needs to be a dealt with accordingly. But on a wider note, we got to change our relationships black men. We got to change our relationships. We can no longer continue to treat our women with barbaric savage behavior. We must rise above whatever we have experienced in the past and be men today to take responsibility of our future.

Protect and respect the black women.

Let me say that again, protect and respect the black woman.

That is absolutely mandatory.

It is our responsibility not to allow the disrespect of our women. It is our responsibility to protect our women, and we must treat them like the queen that she is. We can no longer tolerate rate this dysfunctional behavior. A lot of our women are abused and are taken advantage of, both within the Black community and out the Black community. You must love yourself. This is why I became a book activist. This is why I do what I do because books. If you don't know, you can find it

This is an epidemic.

Now I'm not saying that the men are not involved in their children's life, but a lot of women are single and they are raising their families by themselves by no means do I'm trying to say a lot of men are not involved in their children's life. Despite the fact that they're not with the mother of their child. But what I'm saying is we gotta show a healthy re relationship, a loving relationship, and a growing relationship that foster success in love and not abuse, hatred and dysfunction.

We got to stop it, stop it.

If nothing else we got out of watching this black man P Diddy beat Down drag Kick I see is that we need to change as a community and as a nation. Let that video be the spark that change our behavior as a black people, because we got a lot of abuse in our communities and we need to stop. And that's why I had to speak on that, not necessarily speak directly about P Diddy because.

He wrong and outright wrong. But we as a black community, we got a lot of problems.

We got high.

Teenage pregnancy, we got obesity, we got dysfunctional relationships, we got high single parent ratio, we got low test scores. A lot of that is all tied together. But let's stop now with the madness. Let's not lay out hands on our.

Women nor our children in this way. Let's show love. Let's show love.

Now.

You can't do that unless you love yourself, and P Diddy surely didn't show no love of self, because if he did love self, he the father with.

Daughters, the man I saw in that video. That man don't love himself.

He can say that all he wants, But when you love yourself you see other people as yourself, that's hatred of self and you're willing to abuse the mother of civilization. So that's not love, that's hate. He can say all day and all night, Ali love and I don't love himself because he abused himself by beating on one of us.

That's right.

Cassie is one of us, and he is an example of the behavior that's taking place all across this nation, and we gotta stop.

Our woman need to be protected and respected.

So that's my thoughts on the p Diddy hard Fine video of the assault of Cassie. Thanks for listening to Malik's Bookshelf, where topics on the shelf are books, culture, and community.

Be sure to subscribe and leave me a review. Check out my instagram at Malak Books. See you next time.