Reasoning with the unreasonable can feel impossible, but here are some techniques to diffuse intense arguments and encourage others to challenge their own cognitive dissonance with curiosity and care. For starters, it's important to find common values to come back to, use metaphors and anecdotes to break down complex ideas and humanize them, remember it's you vs. the problem (not you vs. them), and remember that you're attempting to better understand each other - rather than change each other. R...
Sep 13, 2024•11 min
How do we reason with someone who is experiencing cognitive dissonance? For example: I know people who claim to believe in free speech but also support banning pronoun usage, race discussion, and even certain books in schools. How do we rectify the dissonance they've created to support two contradictory ideas? Unfortunately we can't change other people, but we can help them towards the path of changing themselves. With gentle, genuine questions, we can help them to reflect on where the disconnec...
Sep 12, 2024•11 min
love is an active process that involves engagement, gratitude, and practice. RESOURCE: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-15454-002 RESOURCE: https://www.apa.org/topics/marriage-relationships/brain-on-love RESOURCE: https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com...
Sep 11, 2024•10 min
When we focus on curiosity, respect, and genuine understanding, we're more likely to bridge gaps with people we disagree with, but this takes practice. This means there is no room for contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling, but that's easier said than done. RESOURCES: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ https://www.gottman.com/blog/why-turning-against-your-partners-bids-is-so-harmful/ DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get...
Sep 10, 2024•10 min
When we open ourselves up to love, we open ourselves up to pain and loss, but the loss of the love is what we will grieve, so we shouldn't resist that vulnerability. Embracing love's impermanence will deepen our experience with it. “love is not permanently gifted, it is loaned.” - James Sexton “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi Avoiding Avoidance (Healthline Article) https://www.healthline.com/h...
Sep 09, 2024•10 min
There is a feedback loop that seems to happen whenever I’m spending more time alone. I notice that my need for connection seems to dissipate as my anger towards humanity inflates. Psychologists have noted this through various research and confirmed that “lonely individuals tend to think more negatively of others and see them as less trustworthy.” If the feeling of loneliness really worked as it should, it would prompt prosocial behaviors that fulfill our need for belonging. It’s like a craving. ...
Sep 06, 2024•10 min
Studies show intrinsic goals make us much happier than extrinsic ones, but society tells us to focus our time on the material stuff. Why do we think that is? RESOURCE: https://www.theatlantic.com/podcasts/archive/2021/10/howto-friendship-loneliness-arthurbrooks-vivekmurthy-happiness/620281/ DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.co...
Sep 05, 2024•10 min
I'm on my way out the door of my apartment and it's starting to hit me just how isolated I've become. A lot of it is self inflicted: ignoring phone calls and texts, neglecting plans, or foregoing the follow up. That said, I still can't take all the credit. A majority of my feelings of isolation are systemic: it's expensive outside, I'm exhausted all the time, and I don't feel that connected to my neighbors (who don't always see eye-to-eye with me). So, let's talk about it and see if we can start...
Sep 04, 2024•11 min
“Nobody can build the bridge for you to walk across the river of life, no one but you yourself alone. There are, to be sure, countless paths and bridges and demi-gods which would carry you across this river, but only at the cost of yourself; you would pawn yourself and lose. There is in the world only one way, on which nobody can go, except you: where does it lead? Do not ask, go along with it.” — Nietzsche THE RESOURCE: https://medium.com/personal-growth/5-controversial-truths-by-nietzsche-that...
Sep 03, 2024•9 min
Here is a little rant about people who co-opt beautiful theories + ideas and twist them in order to justify behaviors that are actually counter to its core principles. It's infuriating, but it makes sense... Let's dig into why this happens and what we can learn from the teachings, to stop it. RESOURCES: WIKI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos). LANUSSE ON THE PARADOX: https://rickylanusse.medium.com/the-st...
Sep 02, 2024•9 min
Today is a very special BONUS episode that gives you a sneak preview of what we're doing over at patreon. this is just 10 minutes of this month's 55 minute episode and it gets JUICY. If you want to listen to the entire episode, plus the backlog, (and all the dailies ad-free!!!) join our little community on patreon and subscribe from there! The Main Resource: How I defined Cosmetic Procedures: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5300934/ The "complications" resource: https://www.ncbi.nlm...
Aug 31, 2024•11 min
Like most philosophies, I have notes - but that's not to say I can't learn something from the practice of stoicism. Today we talk about some of the paradoxes and some of the common critiques, but then we dig into the 3 core values of stoicism. RESOURCE: WIKI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos). LANUSSE ON THE PARADOX: https://rickylanusse.medium.com/the-stoic-paradox-can-we-achieve-happiness-without-enjoym...
Aug 30, 2024•9 min
"only the strong go crazy, the weak go along." - Assata Shakur THE QUOTE: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8762432-only-the-strong-go-crazy-the-weak-just-go-along THE RESOURCES: https://wokescientist.substack.com/p/maybe-madness-and-illness-is-the DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON ...
Aug 29, 2024•11 min
"This is an intergenerational, evolved evolutionary movement. They never looked out for each other the way that a lot of the groups I see organizing are looking out for each other. They didn’t have rest. They didn’t ‘watch out for our own patriarchal natures’ and all of this stuff. There’s a reason why a lot of those people died young. We are doing so much and we are, I believe, a part of a foundational evolution for humans on the planet. But this awareness is: this violence has got us. So we ar...
Aug 28, 2024•9 min
I have started to feel so guilty about positive feelings lately. I think it's because I've become a bit more comfortable with the stress that has become an undercurrent of my daily life lately. That said, there are plenty of strategies to restore joy, hope, and excitement. I just have to get better at implementing them. DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR ...
Aug 27, 2024•9 min
One technique often used in CBT is socratic questioning and it's a really great way to get ahold of our negative thinking patterns. They're usually open ended questions that encourage us to "think about thinking"in a more productive way. RESOURCES: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/socratic-questioning https://www.trigonweb.com/dowload/SOCRATIC%20QUESTIONS.pdf DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makey...
Aug 26, 2024•11 min
When I first heard about CBT, I was annoyed. It felt generic, but that's because of how I learned about it. When I started applying the appropriate techniques to my specific situation, I realized how much the techniques can really affect (and improve) my life. Today we discuss what CBT is, and eventually we will get into the techniques that have helped me overcome my personal issues. Resources: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK279297/ DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branc...
Aug 23, 2024•10 min
today we're revisiting episode 1011 which was all about the "time traveling" we must do to discover our sense of self. by learning how to listen to the past, envision the future, and accommodate the present, we expand our sense of self to align within this current time in our lives. how does the sense of self affect how we behave? how does our self referential identity create our reality? and do we have a say in changing it? i think we do. RESOURCE: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how...
Aug 22, 2024•9 min
When things become familiar to us, we no longer acknowledge them. The drone of cicadas in the background becomes impossible to hear unless you’re really listening. The pile of papers on the table becomes impossible to see unless you’re reminded they need to move. Things that no longer pose a threat, become obsolete to our focus. This is the same thing that happens with “the good stuff”. There is good stuff buzzing all around us, all day, every day. But because it doesn’t pose a threat, our brain...
Aug 21, 2024•10 min
The act of returning home after spending a decade 1,100 miles away is a daunting one. There are direct contradictions to the way I feel at nearly every turn. Learning to bend with them has been a process but I am starting to realize, that's the whole damn point. The.Ashfiles Original Video: https://www.tiktok.com/@the.ashfiles/video/7396990066129784069 The Cut Advice Column: https://www.thecut.com/2016/11/ask-polly-i-moved-back-home-and-im-miserable.html DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operat...
Aug 20, 2024•10 min
There’s something freeing about realizing it’s time to let go. Life’s cycles sometimes match with my own, and things feel serendipitous and “meant to be” but more often than not, life cycles move faster than my own + I’m forced to play catch up on changes and news that I wasn’t just unprepared for, but in denial about. But things do happen. Life surprises you. And no matter how much you resist that reality, it doesn’t change it. I think life is a little bit fate and a little bit chaos. Like an i...
Aug 19, 2024•10 min
Absurdism claims that existence, as a whole, is absurd and although objective meaning does not exist, it doesn't mean we can't find + create our own. We're allowed to change our minds + reflect at any time, because the only meaning that matters, is the meaning we decide matters. “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion”. — Albert Camus RESOURCE: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism#:~:text=Absurdism%20is%20the%2...
Aug 16, 2024•11 min
personal rant about my current state. moving has made me realize how stagnant I really was. DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast OR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast ...
Aug 15, 2024•9 min
People are in denial, because admitting we may need to become a part of the change is scary. Resistance is a common response to accountability. People will jump through mental hurdles to avoid admitting there may be a new physical one. That said, knowing better and doing better are two very different beasts. RESOURCES: https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/debunking-misinformation https://medium.com/@bellacaledonia/diagonalism-the-cosmic-right-and-the-conspiracy-smoothie-d827b1650e39 htt...
Aug 14, 2024•11 min
conspiracies are all fun and games until they scapegoat entire groups of humans and cause real world harm. today, we're digging into the reality of conspiracy theories + what makes someone take a conspiracy too far. RESOURCES: https://www.gavi.org/vaccineswork/conspiracy-theories-are-dangerous-even-if-very-few-people-believe-them https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conspiracy%20theory https://commission.europa.eu/strategy-and-policy/coronavirus-response/fighting-disinformation/identifying...
Aug 13, 2024•10 min
so, here are some ways to take it a little less seriously. RESOURCE: https://medium.com/@lukaboenisch/dont-take-life-so-seriously-it-doesn-t-take-you-seriously-either-613fb1bef264 https://medium.com/@valuable_mindaro_jellyfish_659/14-things-that-make-games-fun-to-apply-to-gamify-life-06557a1bd722 DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instag...
Aug 12, 2024•10 min
Our microbiome has a direct impact on our mental health, and the science is growing to support this. The more diverse our diet + microbiome, the healthier we are as we age. RESOURCE: https://www.brainfacts.org/thinking-sensing-and-behaving/diet-and-lifestyle/2024/the-growing-link-between-microbes-mood-and-mental-health-062724 DONATE: www.pcrf.net Get Involved: Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + Links GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com TUNE IN ON INSTAGRA...
Aug 09, 2024•9 min
Today we're talking about Vivien Burr's book: Social Constructionism . The key ideas are: language impacts our reality, our history + culture + social hierarchy impacts our language, and we should be critical of everything we consider "true" because of this socialization. We put everything in a box to better understand it, but sometimes it can be helpful to throw that box away + consider things outside of them. Resource: https://medium.com/@reading_group/unlocking-the-foundations-of-understandin...
Aug 08, 2024•10 min
Hope is one of the more valuable practices, but I often forget it's a practice + kinda just wait for it to hit, instead. Today we're discussing some thoughts about hope before diving into some actionable items on how to create + nurture more of it in your life. RESOURCES: https://news.asu.edu/20210615-solutions-science-hope-more-wishful-thinking https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-hope-happen/201304/looking-hope https://thefemalegaze.org/2019/02/12/light-in-the-dark-staying-hopeful-in...
Aug 07, 2024•9 min
decided on a compilation of past nuggets that never made it to the IG feed (or did they???) but came from our magical backlog of over 1100 episodes. hope you enjoy this as much as I did! Familiar will typically always be more comfortable than the unfamiliar. Even if that familiar is fairly unhealthy. Many people are miserable and comfortable. Many people can find comfort in sadness. There is no shame in it, because often, we’re so used to the sadness, anger, or shame that we don’t even realize t...
Aug 06, 2024•10 min
