Hi and welcome to the Make Work, Work Better podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Marc Reynolds., President of FYV Consulting. Today is another micro. Workshop Where we're going to discuss. The value of. Sitting in silence. We encourage you to go back and watch the initial interview with Lauren Crampsie, where she shares with us the importance of learning to sit in silence. Today, we're going to give you some practical tips of how to apply that. There are two situations.
That we want to talk about today where sitting in silence Is crucial. The temptation when you're in a meeting or before a meeting or presentation Is to be go, go, go! We have so much to do. We have so much to share. We have goals we want to achieve. We have things we want to say. We want to fix problems and get to the root of things quickly. In which I will give you one of my favorite pieces of advice that one of my mentors told me frequently,
and that is to “Make haste slowly.” So what are these two situations that I'm wanting to share with you? First is when you're in an interview situation - A one on one conversation with someone else. The person that is in charge is the one that is asking the questions. Second, the more you listen and gather information first the better your communication will be. The more succinct, the more direct, and the more accurate. Take time to really listen.
Take time to plan the questions that you're going to ask. If they don't have an answer. If they're. Thinking, if they're struggling. Give them the opportunity and permission to take their time to think and to come up with a genuine, authentic answer. Also, give yourself permission to sit there in silence and wait until they communicate what they have to say. Now. If you talk to any expert interviewer, they will tell you the most powerful tool is silence. Why?
Because if you just wait and sit there, even if they walked in the room and you said absolutely nothing but just stared at them, expectant that they're going to start talking to you they're going to start sharing what's on their mind, what they're most concerned with what's making them anxious or nervous, or what they think needs to be talked about. I don't encourage that you just sit there in silence when they enter. I encourage you to be friendly.
Kind, put them at ease and make them comfortable. But I say that to make the point that sitting in silence gives them the opportunity to speak and to be heard. When people. Feel heard. And seen and valued. First, they're much more likely to listen and respond in a way that isn't defensive, isn't reactive, and where they return the favor when you decide to share what you need to share. So what does it look like? It looks like Sitting there. Pleasantly, as if you just asked a question.
The more inviting you are, the more honest the response will probably be. Even if it's a disciplinary action or it's a really Difficult conversation, or you're really angry or upset. Do not communicate when you're angry. Don't have those conversations when your heart's beating fast, when you're feeling all ramped up, wait until you can sit there silently and be calm and in full control of your mind and faculties. That brings us to the second situation.
A common trend I see when I'm working with executives. Is that they never stop. They're always going. There's so much to do. They're so busy. They have so many people to talk to, so many meetings, so many goals, so many objectives. They feel this constant need to go, go, go.
That constant need to go, go, go means that they don't always take the time to gather their wits, just to let themselves process and think and be in a place where they are calm and centered and focused, and communicate and listen in a place that is genuine, authentic, kind, and focused on making the best decisions for the company, and not satisfying your immediate emotional needs.
Most executives I have worked with so far Have been amazing people that are humble, gracious, kind, and tremendously hardworking. One of the things. We regularly share is to take time before any meeting, interview, phone call, whether it's five seconds, 5 minutes or 10 minutes to sit in silence. First. To calm your body down, to get into the parasympathetic nervous system, and then to think through and then envision your objective and what the ideal version of this meeting will look like.
And what the best outcome will Look like, so that when. you walk into that meeting, you are calm and in total control of yourself. Some executives like the control. Some others don't really care for it one way Or the other. They're just good at having. control Executives should be in Control. The primary way that they need to be in control isn't of other People. It's in control of themselves. Ultimately, that leads to a powerful, influential leader.
That not only changes businesses but changes their employees lives. You might think this sounds great, but how am I actually going to make this happen? Let's break it down into really simple steps. Right now you're going to put into your calendar, however much time you think you need. whether it's five seconds, five minutes, ten minutes where you're going to sit in silence before a meeting. Or if you're going to have a meeting you could just do “S.I.S”.
to remind yourself. Then you'll build that habit. And once you build the habit, it'll just be part of who you are and you won't have to think about it anymore. But here, initially, you're going to have to be very deliberate about making the plan, scheduling the time, and setting that up. Another tactic that people have used very efficiently is, every time they're going to walk through a doorway, they'll stop for five seconds, take a few deep breaths., and slow everything down.
My dad and two of my older. Brothers are doctors. And they're regularly in the operating room. So I remember one day, talking to my dad and my oldest brother, and they're talking about having to rush To the emergency room, I was surprised to learn that surgeons are trained not to run when there's an emergency. Now, for surgeons there's a very practical reason for that. If you're running and your heart rate's up, you're not going to be calm enough and your hand's not going to be steady enough.
When you go to cut someone open. Well, the Analogy. is true for business as well. When we have someone in front of us in a meeting., Especially when that person is aggravated, They're scared. they feel insecure, or they're angry. Those Are the most crucial situations to slow down, breathe, take a moment to sit in silence, and Then communicate from a place where you have a clear directive and a calm mind. I hope this helps you. don't forget to click like, subscribe, follow.
We look forward to Seeing you next time and in helping you make work work better.