Music Music Man, I'll tell you what, all I ever want to drink when we're recording is like fizzy things and it's the worst. idea i know because you have fizz in the background you have the burps yeah you get just lovely little gurgles to join us on the podcast the gurgle cut we're releasing the gurgle cut i think i mean i think maybe i'll go literal Welcome to Maintenance Phase, the podcast that will make you cry slightly less.
this is what i was promised this is why i'm here you're really selling it i'm fucking i'm leaving if you make me cry but i think look listen i think the main arc of this episode is Richard Simmons rise to stardom and then decision to disengage from stardom. I'm Michael Hobbs. I'm Aubrey Gordon. Oh my God. We haven't said our name. We haven't forgot again.
You have to say your thing. If you'd like to support the show, you can do that at patreon.com slash maintenance phase. Or you can subscribe through Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the same audio. Same stuff. Michael. We're talking about Richard Simmons again. Can you give us like a like a brief nutshell overview? Yes. Of sort of what we learned last time. Grew up Louisiana. He talks a lot about being bullied for being fat by his father and also other kids.
Then he moves to Italy, becomes a happy little meatball, ends up moving back to L.A. and essentially having like a very severe eating disorder to lose 100 pounds and then discovers a group exercise and open. a gym, and then a chain of gyms. Yeah. Because his gym is based in Beverly Hills and because he is such a theatrical dude, it is not long until the media takes note. Richard and Anatomy Asylum.
are ultimately featured for the first time on TV on a show called Real People. Are you ready to watch a clip? Yeah, yeah, let's do it. What was it that compelled you to lose all that weight? I had a friend who had a friend who died from obesity from just being fat. And that's when I started going to autopsies. you know looking at people's hearts and being able to take this picture into the classroom and go do you see this heart this heart is covered with cookies and pies and grease
And your heart may look like this, and you never know when it's going to stop beating. Weren't you afraid that if you lost weight, you couldn't get work as an actor if you were thin?
Every fat person has the fear that they will change in some way, mentally, physically, spiritually, and sexually, if that weight loss goes. I tried every diet in the whole world. I had the jaws wired. I tried the pills. I tried the... shots and finally i basically starved i lost 123 pounds in two and a half months my hair fell off the eyes drooped
the chin drooped if you don't exercise while you're losing the weight you will end up to look like a very thin glad bag i had to go to a plastic surgeon chin had to go up eyes had to be done nose fixed 900 hair transplants i mean you're looking at a four-door Cadillac paid for when you look at this face. What's to prevent other people from looking at you and saying, hey, Richard did it, why can't I do it? Because they should make the same anguish mistake that I made because I almost died.
I didn't know he had that much plastic surgery. Yeah, he had quite a bit of I assume there was like some loose skin removal stuff to do. But like, yeah, he he was very open about having had a lot of work done. He also has this weird thing of like, I lost weight.
the wrong way so that's why i you know had this kind of drooping face but my understanding is that like you have that no matter what it's like you if you lose weight you just have extra skin on your face yes absolutely it's the same thing as like when people are like ozempic face and you're like
Yeah, that's just people losing weight and you got less fat everywhere. People just lose weight. Yeah. And then your skin hangs a little lower and there you go. I feel like it makes me kind of like respect the message a little bit less if he's promising people, you know, that they can look like Richard Simmons after losing. so much weight, when he's...
Presumably spent thousands of dollars on a bunch of plastic surgery. This is some of the sort of selective stuff that people listen to with Richard Simmons. He was very consistent about saying that he starved himself and that that was a bad idea. Yeah. A lot of people missed that message. He was pretty consistent about talking about having work done. A lot of people chose not to pay attention to that. And he was also pretty consistent as you see in this clip with.
really haranguing fat people yeah about being to blame for their own deaths basically right yeah in a people magazine profile from the time called former fatty richard simmons is the grand duke of diet and the clown prince of fitness that's not even what yeah it's exactly right they write quote
Off camera, Simmons himself has even been known to accost strangers caught in the act of overindulging. I'll see an overweight woman eating a butterscotch sundae, he says, and I'll sit at her table and say, what is this? For me, this is not a job. It's a mission. He's like, bullying worked for me. So I have to bully people. But it's like, Richard, it doesn't sound like it actually worked for you. Yeah, totally. And I will say he doesn't really talk.
a ton in interviews about his relationship with food. Yeah. But when you get little glimpses of it, it's very clearly not an easy relationship. Oh yeah. There's one men's health interview where he lists off just like. dozens of foods that he can't have in his house oh wow okay let yourself have a potato chip once in a while my guy so he probably just has like a low grade eating disorder for like essentially the rest of his life it's like how he keeps the weight off
Well, and now not only is it his perception of his own health and his perception of his own social value and other people's perceptions of those things, too. It's also his fucking job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't ever be seen to gain any weight. I think the thing that I took home from this clip when I first saw it is I was like, holy hell, his message was so much gnarlier.
And more like tough talk than I remembered, you know? Yeah. It's a scared straight stuff. I think people tend to think of him as the. antidote to like toxic weight loss messages. And I think that's the part that people listen to the loudest. Yeah. But he had plenty of extremely judgmental messages in there because that is how he felt about himself.
is this just a show that's just like here's a random guy it's the tv show equivalent of get a load of this guy like the guy who got calf implants on true life on mtv that i still remember for some reason oh boy remember that one No. What? I think about that all the time. And here you said you didn't get TV references. Nice try. That's all I did as a kid was go over to Friends House who had cable. And watch MTV. Go away. I'm watching MTV. Were your parents like a we refuse to have cable house?
We were a cheapskate house and cable was like $32 a month. That's where you get it. It is Aubrey. Yes. It's a genetic trait. So unsurprisingly, after his appearance on Real People, Richard is a huge hit. And the next thing he did, Michael, was that he landed a recurring role. as an aerobics instructor on General Hospital.
Oh, here come the weird references to things the youths will not understand. Yeah. General Hospital is an extremely long running American soap opera and soap operas, I would say, are like. telenovelas that never end. We have to give it to people in Mr. Beast. Imagine Mr. Beast, but there's a script that he talks and there's 50 Mr. Beasts and they work in a hospital. That's how young people will understand. Imagine you unwrap your shredded cheese and there's a big pipe.
The way that he talks about getting the role is another one of these sort of... I don't know, Richard kind of congenue stories where he's like, I was on a plane to Las Vegas and I got into my seat and I was sitting next to a professional looking brunette in a three piece suit who asks him.
aren't you that guy who jumps around on television? Okay. And he says, yes, I guess I am. And she says, you're very funny. I've never seen anyone like you on TV. And he says, well, that's because there isn't anyone on TV like me. nice like i was like i don't think this exchange happened
At all in this way. Yeah, no. And I don't think you stumbled into a role on General Hospital. She, this professional looking brunette then says, hey, I'm in casting for General Hospital and I'd like to write a role. roll for you on the show. And he's like, I turned her down. Oh, no, you didn't.
I feel like a theme in celebrity memoirs is people write out their ambition oftentimes. Yep. It sounds like he probably wanted to get on TV. He got a little taste of celebrity. He liked it. And he's like, okay, what other opportunities are there? And he probably...
went out of his way to try to make these opportunities happen. There's nothing wrong with that. But people want to make it seem as if it's like, I'm so special that people couldn't help but notice. I think he had gotten a taste not only of sort of being on camera, but... of the kind of adulation that he had absolutely never gotten in his life before. Right. Yeah. Everything up until now has been mostly people rejecting him. Right. And then he gets this thing where people not.
only accept him they adore him right right he talks during this era about how there were whole bags of fan mail just for him oh wow this is around the time that he starts his pretty legendary relationships with his fans in his memoir He writes that he usually makes 40 to 50 phone calls a day. Oh, my God.
even when he's on the road. And on a really busy day, he'd go up to 100 phone calls. This is my bad place. Hellscape. This would kill me. Hellscape. So Richard lands this role on General Hospital. It goes really well. He's really loved on the show. He calls his dad to tell him he's on general hospital. Yeah. And his dad's response is. Basically, why don't you have your own show? What the fuck? That's such garbage. So from there.
Richard went on to host his own daytime talk show, The Richard Simmons Show. Wait, really? Like immediately? Yeah. He started General Hospital in 79 and he started The Richard Simmons Show in 1980. Oh, wow. OK. We're going to. watch the intro which will give you a taste good good good good good i sent you the link intro okay the richardson show it's him doing fitness
Great transitions. PowerPoint transitions. Okay, there's like a preacher skit. Okay, fitness in top hats. Vaudeville fitness. Oh, it's like pranking people in girls. in the grocery store, getting into a hot tub, fully clothed for some reason. God. He's driving a car with why are you fat on the license plate. Why are you F-A-T-T? Why are the comments turned off? They're afraid of people roasting him. It's too spicy. I really hope.
that that's not for bad but listen this was uploaded by someone with 13 subscribers okay fair enough in that intro mike we get richard simmons among other things we get him doing a lot of fitness with a lot of costumes very weird yeah at one point we see him dressed
as an angel that costume is for a character he called the weight saint oh who was the angel on your shoulder reminding you to count calories right that's what he was doing the grocery store was like telling that lady don't get that get this Oh my God. She was in the produce aisle, Richard. He had other characters on the show. He did frequently did like sketches on the show. That.
I don't know if that's his gift. I don't know if that's his gift. He played a nun named Sister Mary Locale. Wait, is it a whole... talk show dedicated to weight loss this sounds so boring it is a fitness themed half hour talk show every day oh my god why would anybody watch this He has another character named Anna Maria Spaghetti. He plays a Reverend named Reverend Pounds. Okay.
who is a man of the tablecloth. Oh my. Okay. That's pretty good. All right. Fair enough. Who says things like Twinkies are my shepherd. I shall not want. What? And though I waddle through the valley of linguine and clams, I shall fear no evil. Richard! That's... Terrible. He has a sketch about broccoli going to the unemployment office because, quote, people just don't eat vegetables anymore. Oh, God. He plays a cop from the Slob Squad. He gives out tickets.
grocery stores to people who are buying fattening foods. He had celebrity guests on. Bob Barker came on. Okay. White came on Phyllis Diller, Jack LaLanne and Barbara Eden. You wanted your seventies celebrities. Yeah. Oh man. We're not explaining a single one of those. Barbara Eden. Just, I dream of. That's all you need to know. Oh, I didn't actually know that one.
It was my ringtone for years. Mine is just the my neck, my back song in its entirety. So doing the Richard Simmons show allows Richard to buy a house for himself. He doesn't really want a house. He's never really home for it. Everyone keeps telling him there's this gorgeous house and he just ought to buy it. So he buys this house. He can afford it. He buys this house.
And he calls his family and says, come out to LA. I'll fly y'all out. I'm hosting Christmas. I got a house. I'd love for you guys to come out and see it. His family arrives and his dad walks through the entire house, making note of all of the flaws. That's such toxic dad behavior. It is such a specific parent move. The pipe's a little loose here, Richard. You're like, what?
What am I supposed to do about this right now? The appliances are all stainless steel, which is like a very fucking fancy thing in the early 80s. Okay. And he just keeps going, they're going to be covered in fingerprints. Ooh, anti-cybertruck king, Richard Simmons's dad. And he's like, there are too many steps in one house. I've never seen this many steps in my whole life. Jesus Christ. So. Richard gets his family settled into their rooms and...
His dad immediately starts shouting to him about how there's no hot water. Like the hot water is out. Okay. I would complain about that. I would complain about that. So I'm going to send you his quote from his memoir explaining what happened next. We're back in the crying in the driveway section of the podcast episode. Yeah, sorry, get ready to get sad about it, Dad. My father said, we fly all the way out here and now we're in a mansion, this big modern thing, and there's no hot water?
Do something, Richard. I called the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and managed to get a string of rooms. That's how I spent Christmas that year. The next day, December 26th, I put the house up for sale. I didn't want to clean all those windows anyway. Oh, that's so sad. It's so sad. So like... He bought the house because other people thought he should buy the house. And he sold the house because other people didn't like the house. It's sort of like, what did his dad like want?
Like, what did he expect? Well, I mean, I think, listen, I'm just spitballing here, but I think his dad was a showbiz guy who gave it all up to have kids. And here Richard is having a... good amount of success in showbiz right and who said that he didn't want showbiz kids because they uh are annoying right and i'm like well you got an annoying kid who is having a great deal of success in the thing that you left yeah
I will say over time, Richard says that his relationship with his father starts to sort of soften. Oh, he doesn't. Give a lot of great examples of that. The closest he gets is like there is a conversation that he recounts where his dad says, I'm really proud of you. Oh, it's clear that that meant a lot to Richard. I remain skeptical in a protect.
way yeah leave him alone yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean because this dad has been like bad news and also as part of that relationship softening richard's like i started sending him gifts okay and it's like cashmere sweaters and tailored Shirts and...
Like nice ass shit. Look at what my gay son got me. Look at the gay things that my son got me. Richard eventually ends up buying another house and he wants to hire a housekeeper to look after the house because he has gone so much. Richard Simmons has... Many dogs. And they are all Dalmatians. Oh, really? Like famously difficult to care for dogs. Every... Dalmatian is named after a character in Gone with the Wind. Wait, really? Scarlet, Hattie, Ashley, Rhett.
Dude, Richard Simmons and I would not have been friends if we met each other under different circumstances. He also collected dolls. Oh my gosh. So many old dolls in the house. Oh my god. Yeah. How you doing, honey? No way. I want to maintain my affection for this man. These are not the choices.
As an adult that I have made. So he's interviewing housekeepers and he interviews someone and he says, Hey, do you like dogs? And she says, yes, I like dogs. And when I was a kid, I had a Dalmatian and he goes, you're hired. Okay. Her name's Teresa. She lives with him for decades working as his housekeeper. Okay. When people ask him if he's married, he says, I live with a wonderful woman named Teresa. Oh man. Ooh. Okay. Yeah. According to.
To Teresa, who has shared this since he passed, he also bought two grave sites side by side, one for him and one for her. While Richard is doing the Richard Simmons show, his father falls ill. He goes in for surgery. for kidney stones and richard is like how bad do you need these kidney stones removed you're 85
There are complications from the surgery. So Richard flies out to new Orleans to see his dad. Cause he's 85 and he's experiencing complications from surgery and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put together the risk there. Right. He talks about seeing him in his hospital.
And sort of scarcely recognizing him. He should walk around his dad and criticize all the flaws with it. Your nose doesn't look right. You're like, well, your ears are garbage. Once his father's released from the hospital, Richard gets him all settled in. And then says, OK, is there anything else that I can do for you? And his father says, yes, Richard, there is one other thing you can do for me. Go to Rome and meet the Pope. What? And say a prayer.
with him for me this is like some sort of like three riddles to cross this bridge type shit this is like a video game character he's like go on this quest i'm gonna go cameras on for a second so that you can see okay okay okay Wait, what? That is Richard Simmons meeting the fucking Pope. Wait, so he actually pulled this off somehow? He went to Rome!
and he met the pope he does not explain the mechanics of how that happened he sat next to him on a plane i think he sat next to him on a plane yeah what do you do he like really yada yada's it where he's like i called my agent who worked out the details and i was on a plane to and i'm like no yeah that is not a sufficient explanation richard i wonder if he told the pope that he's jewish by the next year spring of the next year
Leonard Simmons Sr. died on April 18th, 1983. This is a big loss for Richard. His relationship with his dad was complicated and rough, but even in its complication and roughness... It still loomed large in his life in a big way. Yeah. And I think for anybody who's grieved somebody who you... Who sucked. Who sucked. You can say who sucked. Yeah.
Who was really close to you and also who sucked. You know how complicated it can be to feel grief and relief and anger and all of that at the same time. This is how I felt when Queer as Folk went off the air. It was not good, but it was very important. So he's lost his father while all of that is happening. His career continues to take off in addition to his talk show, in addition to general hospital, in addition to all of that.
He releases a diet book. It's his first book called Never Say Diet. Is this supposed to be a pun on Never Say Die? Yes. He says, he doesn't like the word diet because the first... word is die the first part of the word is die so his is a live it program is what he calls it throughout he takes these little things and he makes them so much worse
So sweaty. I love it. So he's talking in this section about people who've tried everything and just can't lose weight. And like, why should you listen to me about this? Right. He's credentialing himself. He says. The difference is that you've failed and I haven't. I used to weigh 268 pounds. I used to be fat and round and miserable, and I didn't like it, so I found the way to beat the fat and come out a winner.
And I know where you've gone wrong and why you failed so far. This is kind of mean. Yeah. And also like, I'm so sorry you beat the fat and came out a winner. That's how you're describing like.
hospitalization induced by starving years like what are you talking about he just said this more succinctly on the show with the why are you fat license plate that's kind of like his whole thing yeah i think the other thing to know here is that like this is absolutely the template for how former fat people are urged to feel about themselves whether or not they feel that way yeah
their urge to feel and say like i was fat that was bad i made a decision to be thin i had the grit to achieve it and i came out a winner right and i should say he is not a person who has mentioned any formal training at any point in any of this yeah good point yeah he's just like a guy i think a lot of his shit is based on vibes yeah yeah yeah and his own experience and of course your own experience is not replicable yeah while all of this is happening he keeps
teaching his classes at the anatomy asylum now called Slimmons. Finally, he's becoming himself. He's starting to believe. He starts teaching classes. His regulars really love him. And one of his regulars is named Ellen. She became a favorite of his. She made these teeny tiny little teddy bears and would sell them at local gift shops and would bring them to him as a gift. She'd bring him little bears every so often. He doesn't see her in class for a while and asks after her.
and finds out that she has passed away and he's like, what happened? And the person is like, well, she was anorexic for a really long time. Oh, wow. And he says that at this point, anorexia is not a term that he has heard. So he asked another couple of regulars who are both nurses what anorexia was. Oh, wow.
This is the passage that he writes about it in his memoir. He says, So an anorexic is a person who stops eating for no reason and millions of reasons. It's someone who gets smaller and smaller just like those little teddy bears. That alarmed me. Because I had once starved myself to lose weight. I asked the nurses, when I starved, was I anorexic? Not necessarily, though it's a fine line, they told me. You starve to lose weight. Anorexics starve to disappear.
There are usually feelings of self-loathing or lack of self-worth connected with anorexia. In Italy, when I'd starved, it was because I finally realized my own self-worth, so I thought. I'd wanted to live and to look my best so I would fit in, although I'd gone about it in a very harmful way. Oh, this is like what he's telling himself. He's like, I didn't hate myself.
I just did it because I hated myself. It's so sad. Yeah. And self soothing by being like, even though I behaved indistinguishably from someone with profound anorexia. Yeah. Being thin is still. healthier than being fat, even if you starve to do it. It's like someone who is really bending over backwards to tell himself stories that make sense of his own experience and sort of protect it. It's also so interesting how you can like...
You can make somebody stare this stuff in the face. Yeah. Right. Of being like starving yourself. because of low self-esteem and poor body image, et cetera, is unbelievably bad for you and an actual like diagnosed medical condition. And he can look at that information and still be like...
I mean, I did that, but not in like the bad way. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's not, it's not that you can like tell people that this exists and they'll have this eureka moment and be like, oh my God, I shouldn't do that. It's like, oh, oh, but I don't count. We are now, Michael, solidly in the mid 80s. And 1985 is the dawn of the infomercial era. Oh, yeah. Another thing we have to explain. I did not know why infomercials sort of showed up in the 80s. I just sort of knew that they did.
Do you have a guess about why infomercials showed up? The invention of the Ron Coe rotisserie oven. It was so good. They were like, let's put this on TV six hours a night. The ShamWow! They just had? to. Look, they had to get the word out. This is part of the Reagan administration's massive deregulation effort. What? So Reagan's changes to the FCC abolish the fairness doctrine.
That had been in place since 1949, which was the doctrine that required broadcast television to fairly cover differing viewpoints on controversial issues. Should chicken rotate? Should chicken not rotate? This deregulation also removed restrictions on advertising to kids. So this is when we also start to get a huge wave of ads aimed directly at children during children's programming. And it loosened restrictions on how long an individual advertisement could last.
Now you could have a 30 or 60 minute advertisement. Wait, those were advertisements? I thought they were just like talk shows that only ever existed for one episode. All of them have the same catchphrase, which is just like, there's got to be a better way. The thing is, I did watch them when I was like six years old and like I absolutely fell for it.
I was like, oh, I learned on a talk show about like this knife that can cut paper or whatever. I grew up in a house with Cutco knives and a Miracle Thaw. I am not above the infomercial. Dude, the Miracle Thaw was the best one. It was just like a cutting board on the counter. It's like meat defrosts. Like, yeah. And it's metal. So meat does not defrost.
It just makes the metal cold. Now everything's cold. Congratulations. So at this point, when infomercials sort of roll around, Richard Simmons had a two minute TV ad for his product deal a meal, which is sort of like. hybrid board game diet. It's like a very bad board game and a okay diet.
We don't have time, Aubrey. We don't have time. We're not doing it. We can't run through every part of the Richard Simmons Empire because we would be here for, I would come out of my office with a Rip Van Winkle beard. The diet board game. for many of our listeners in our age group will have been their first diet because it's sort of a gamified kid friendly. Is it like you spin a wheel and you can like eat an apple or a blueberry or something? No, you have like a little play wallet.
And you have cards in the wallet that are like you get. Seven vegetable cards and two lean protein cards. Oh my God, it's a roguelike. And you move them over to the other side of your wallet when you eat them. It's Bellatro. I don't know any of the words you're saying. Just don't worry about it. Not a single one of them. Welcome to my world, Aubrey.
Anytime you mention Survivor to me. I don't watch Survivor. Or whatever. It's 90 Day Fiance, and you know that. Are those different? Direct your hate mail to Michael.com. so the ad his two minute ad for deal a meal was a big hit uh and so was the product so the production company approaches him about doing an infomercial for deal a meal he does And it becomes a big hit and Richard just sort of keeps doing infomercials. Yeah. The very next year, 1986, Richard Simmons starts making.
exercise videos. In 1982, Jane Fonda's complete workout. Came out and was a massive hit. Right. One of the things that people say about that time is that the video was so popular. It increased VCR sales. Right. I couldn't find confirmation of that. anywhere but like that's like i think it's a gesture at how popular those videos were yeah my understanding is that the rise of the vcr was like 99 pornography oh that makes more sense 0.5
is probably at home fitness. There's only two things that you need privacy to watch. Most of those tapes were cranked out. Few of them used any recognizable songs. Richard describes them as elevator music. oh interesting okay so and i went back and did watch some other i watched richard simmons workout tapes and i watched some others from the time and you're like yeah it's a little bit like the um angela lansbury positive moves one right where you're like oh it's just like sort of synthy vibes
Or in today's parlance, Creative Commons. It's Pottington Bear. So the production company once again approaches him. And this time is like, what if you made an exercise tape? And he was like. cool, cool. But I want it to be like my classes where we play my records and he wants it to be his favorite songs that he listened to as a kid in the fifties and sixties.
So he plays It's My Party and He's a Rebel and Beyond the Sea and these older timey songs for the 80s. And for his middle aged audience, which is actually like very smart. Yeah. He casts the videos like his classes. mostly women but not exclusively women they include fat people and they include super fat people and they include visibly disabled people It's radical inclusivity for that era. Radical, right?
But it's also inclusive in the name of making those fat people thin. Yeah. It's all on a relative scale. It's totally advancing from what it was before, but it still has a long way to go. Yeah. I'm going to go cameras on again. Up until this point, Richards. personal uniform is like a ballet dancer. Oh, what? Tights and a leotard. And he looks gorgeous. Oh, wow. The hips.
Right? Yeah. Like he looks stunning. Yeah, he looks great. Yeah. I also recently discovered leggings. Oh, you're going to start getting into leggings? I found them at the children's section of Goodwill, like everything else I wear.
I'm a very small man. He's like, people always told me I had great legs and they're right. I do. And I'm like, yes, you do, Richard. You do have great legs. Good job. Yeah, man. In the lead up to sweating to the oldies, he meets a wardrobe person named Leslie Wilshire, who he calls. quote, my own Edith Head, which I'm like, boy, Richard, the references are not getting timely on my guy. She is the one who brings him a pair of dolphin shorts for the first time. Wait, explain dolphin shorts to me.
been tweeting this at us too why are they dolphin shorts uh it was the brand name d-o-l-f-i-n but then people over time Thought it was like just the animal. Okay. I've never heard of this, but those are like the little tiny short shorts that he's wearing in like every video. You've seen them. Yeah. They're the little tiny short shorts. They're like the dude version of hot pants. This is my only like.
traditional like we used to be a proper country take it's like bring back short shorts on men shocking take from a gay man just want to see more of the gentleman she brings him the dolphin shorts which he describes as being like very in at the time like this was like the look yeah and she gives him a flowy flashy like tank top and he writes in his memoir about
trying it on for the first time. I just sent you a quote. He says, in that tank top and those shorts, I finally knew what Superman must have felt like when he put on the cape for the first time. My legs looked great, and the tank top covered my waist. It camouflaged the area where my underwear made little love handle dents around my waist. It also gave me an incentive to work a little harder on my chest and arms. It was the perfect outfit. I just love him having this moment of like...
I look awesome. I feel awesome. It makes me sad that built into that is like my waist is covered and I need an incentive to work on my arms and that kind of thing. Right. But I'm like, this is a moment of Richard feeling straightforwardly like. great about how he looks and how he feels in his body and all of that stuff. And I'm like, I love this for you.
This is also you striving to find any moments of joy in this book that is so joyless. You're like, we found one! So this becomes his signature look, of course. Swen to the oldies also became a huge hit.
in the exercise tape world. It made him even more of a household name and it opened the floodgates for sort of Richard Simmons, Inc. right yeah yeah he starts making branded clothing he starts making richard simmons workout shoes he starts making fat-free popcorn which i would argue oh all popcorn has fat-free popcorn what it's just popcorn with like a bunch of nutrasweets
Just dry, plain, air-popped popcorn. Also, one thing we have not talked about yet is the economics of all this. Home videos for like $20. In like 1985 money, which is like 45 or 50 bucks now. Like it must have been so profitable. To have like a home videotape empire. He also starts making huge appearances in malls and big box stores. Okay. In order to promote this merch. Like he releases a steamer at one point. Okay. And he goes and does like a big like.
exercise class in the middle of a mall with the steamer so they can't sell the steamer richard simmons keeps sort of energizer bunnying his way through his work life right yeah until 1999 When his... beloved mother, Shirley Simmons passes away. And Richard describes this very openly in the memoir as a real turning point for him. It is sort of an earthquake in his personal life. This is from. one of the final passages in Richard Simmons' memoir. He says,
Well, I just didn't feel that way. I just didn't feel like being funny. Jay Leno's parents had both died recently, and he had done a moving tribute to them on his show. I remember that I had been a guest during the time he'd returned from his father's funeral. I was there for him, and now I guess he was going to be there for me. I still had my doubts, but I knew I couldn't hide forever. Eventually, I said, yes, of course, I'll go on.
I feel like I know what's going to happen. People aren't going to let him be serious about his mom because he's Richard and he's a clown and nobody wants to hear him be serious. That's not the story that he tells. God, I want to cancel Jay Leno again. God damn it. Well, you can do that for other reasons. For the car. Due to the cars. Due to the denim. After this little passage he writes about having a pep talk from his late mom.
that he heard her voice telling him to just be himself and to not say anything to aggravate his brother, which I absolutely believe his mom said to him a lot. Mr. Business, Mr. Heterosexual. memoir ends is like i don't feel like being funny anymore but i guess i kind of have to yeah i gotta go on jay leno and get made fun of yeah it is hard to read and i think
To me, it has the tone of an editor being like, you can't end on such a sad note. It's funny because his like alleged happy ending is also kind of a sad ending. Yeah. It's like continue being the clown for everyone. Yeah. I mean, I think that is sort of the chapter that we're leading.
into is like culture does not let him yeah have some space yeah from there richard continues to make some media appearances but he is sort of slowing down from the 80s and 90s right how old is he at this point he's born in 46 you said right he's born in 48 48 okay so in 2000 he would have been uh 52 as i've gotten older i used to have like two hours a day of extroversion in me and now i'm down to like one interaction with a trader joe's cashier
He probably started at a higher baseline than me, but I can see how some of the energy that he's using on this is probably dwindling by 52. It's funny because like at the time when people kind of noticed that he had disappeared from public life, it was sort of in some ways constructed as a mystery.
But it seems like this book kind of answers this question. Yeah. He was a guy with a lot of hurt that he was carrying around and nobody really took any of that seriously or like listened to him. And he had this kind of one dimensional public persona. So like, yeah, of course he was just like, I don't really want to. gonna do this anymore that makes perfect sense to me doesn't it so i felt like i had sort of even just after reading the memoir i was like
Oh, well, I feel like I have a real good sense of why he disappeared from public life. He was experiencing grief. Right. And he just like was like, I don't have this level of like. you know, be the life of the party in me. Right. What an extremely human response. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he didn't step away from public life entirely at this point. He just started to slow down like people like our fellow.
people in middle age tend to do cut to mike and aubrey going we're not going to produce as many episodes yeah it's like a normal normal thing so we start getting these reports of richard getting really short with people and which is something that doesn't really exist in previous media about him. Yeah. So in March of 2004, the smoking gun reported that Richard Simmons was charged with assault.
Oh. In the Phoenix airport. I do not remember this at all. So here is the report from the smoking gun. It says... The 54 year old fitness guru laid the smack down on one Chris Farney, a 23 year old Mesa man who happens to cage wrestle in his spare time.
According to the Phoenix Police Department report, when Farney spotted Simmons walking through the Sky Harbor International Airport, he said, look Richard Simmons, drop your bags, let's rock to the 50s. Farney told cops he was referring to an old Simmons workout tape. The diminutive star, guys, the diminutive star responded by walking over to the strapping Farney and saying, it's not nice to make fun of people with issues. He then slapped Farney's face.
The motorcycle salesman, who was not injured, called cops who cited an emotional and repentant Simmons for assault. I mean, don't slap people, but also I can see how you would sort of snap. Yes, and also... Richard Simmons tells a very different version of this story. Oh, okay. In 2012, Richard gives an interview with Men's Health and he talks about this instance. Richard Simmons says that Chris Farney was talking shit about fat people.
and making fun of the fat people in his videos. That, I believe! Dude, have you seen the video of Bajork attacking that paparazzi? you saying it like this when that's how you say it no it's not i've heard a lot of icelandic people get it wrong but it's actually bajork have you seen the video though of bjork slapping someone dude it's wild it's like normal paparazzi video of like a celebrity
leaving an airport. You know, you've seen this clip a million times. And then this lady goes, uh welcome to London or like welcome to New York or whatever city it is and Bjork just goes fucking nuts on her like feral like jumps at her grabs her microphone and is just like beating her fucking ass with this microphone and it's like
Out of context, you're like, what the fuck? Like this, like this pop star is completely unhinged. But according to Bjork later, this is this paparazzi lady who had been hounding her for like weeks and showing up in her like private vacations and fucking.
with her and like it felt super passive aggressive just like welcome and that's when she like really snapped yeah so if you have the full context it's like i mean again it's not defensible to sort of blow up and like physically attack somebody obviously but it actually kind of
Kind of makes sense in context, or at least it's like more legible as human behavior in context. And I can see something like that happening with Richard Simmons. You imagine that this must have been some sort of prolonged. interaction. So when Men's Health asks Richard Simmons in 2012 about this instance, this is his response. He says,
You can't just do that in front of me. You can say anything you want to me, but you better not say anything that's going to upset me about obese people. I've gotten emails where they go, my wife's a fat pig. She'll buy your videos, but then she eats Doritos. I'll email that man back and say you should be ashamed of yourself. You are there to support your wife, not call her animal names. How dare you? This is the woman that loves you. She's the mother of your children. You need to embrace her.
Tell her that you love her and never call her names or embarrass her in front of other people. Yeah. Slap that motherfucker, Richard. Right. I was like, I read that quote and I was like, I have been fully turned around on the slap. Some people do deserve violence. This is the kind of energy that you never actually see from thin people or from formerly fat people who are now thin people, right? Yeah. Oh, sorry. You were going to yell about fat people in the middle of.
the airport i'm absolutely gonna fucking yeah yeah human being equivalent of like getting out the squirt bottle and being like hey yeah like no i would respect him more if you had a literal squirt bottle that would be amazing this is a thing that i was thinking about recently is if I got into a fight, I'm not confident that I would know how to throw a punch. Wait, really? You've never been in a fight, Aubrey?
A physical fight? You've never been in a physical fight? Sorry, what about me? Oh, because you went to a fancy school. Somebody didn't go to public school. No, that is not... what's happening here i'm just docile i'm just chill i think i was in my 30s before i would consider being like hey you got my order wrong at a restaurant dude
The last day of eighth grade, I was getting bullied by this other... This was like a chronicle of me being bullied in middle school now, this podcast. Were you too sleepy to be bullied? No, this was after... This was not after the seventh grade roller skating. This was after the eighth grade cruise and this...
This kid whose name I really want to say, but I'm not going to say it, who had bullied me all fucking year was fucking with me and he shoved me down and I tripped and fell. And he started, he was like, oh, bitch or whatever. And he started walking away from me and I got up.
And I like, I tapped him on the shoulder and I was like, oh, hey. And he turned around and I just did the cheapest fucking shot. I just punched him in the face as hard as I could. And it felt so good. I'm just like, boom. And he had fucked me all year. And then he like fell down. It was like, it was like.
Mike Tyson's punch out was like they go like different directions and it takes like hella long to fall down and like as he was falling down i like realized what i had done i was like i just punched like a popular kid in the face and i'm like not a popular kid so like as he was like still slow mo
emotion falling, I turned around and ran because I was like, if he gets up, he's going to beat the shit out of me, obviously. The only way I could have done this is with a cheap shot. So I booked my ass off to the school bus because I'm like, if I can get to the school bus, it's the last day of school. I'm just never going to see this person again.
And like, if I can get to the school bus, I'm like in safety. I booked as fast as I could to the school bus. I like jump on. I'm like, get on the school bus. And this, this kid goes, I heard you just punch somebody in the face. I was like, how did the rumor get here? News travels fast. Before I got here. What the fuck?
And everyone's like, is it true? I'm like, how the fuck do you people know about this? But yes, it was. And I feel great about it. And I never saw that guy again. God, my heart was just pounding for Tiny Mike. Oh, dude, I know. For teeny tiny. I was like.
The stakes could not be higher. And then I was like, I know how it turns out. You're here. You're fine. I did live, but I'm still Tiny Mike. So in that same men's health interview, Richard Simmons talks about some more things that I personally found really troubling. he talks about keeping himself strictly to a 1500 calorie a day diet which is again like minnesota starvation study levels it's a little bit lower
He was born with what he calls, quote unquote, a crippled leg and has been wearing corrective shoes since early childhood. It's so weird he doesn't say that in the book. He just deals with it. It's painful. But he says, quote, thank goodness for ice. and hot baths so you get the impression that he is in pain yeah with some regularity enough that he has a routine around it right
And his job is exercising in public. It's also funny how, again, it's like he was telling us in public, like, I'm a more complicated public figure than you think I am. And just like, nobody listened. He described his role in the world as being part priest and part clown. Yeah. Oh, God. It is no mystery at all that this was a person who needed a break. Yeah. Yeah. So. In February of 2014, just a couple years after that men's health interview, Richard Simmons stops making public appearances.
It's not long before rumors start to circulate about his quote unquote disappearance, which is a sort of wild word choice in this case, right? Right. It's not someone who's vanished off the face of the planet. It's a guy who's at home. And like a, by that point, like.
60 something year old guy who just like isn't out and about doing stuff anymore. Absolutely. Just like totally, he's basically retired. The wrench in the works here is that he also sort of stops responding to a bunch of people that he knew. through slimmons yeah friends start calling some of them show up at the house and theresa turns them away
And she tells them that he doesn't want any visitors right now. On a friend level, I can absolutely understand how that would be like really hurtful and confusing. But also, this is not an unclear boundary. Well, his life probably feels like a prison of his own making, right? Because if he's playing this role where he's everybody's therapist...
He might not want to play that role anymore. And he might feel like a lot of those relationships, even as, you know, you can say it's kind of self-inflicted. And on some level, these people, of course, do care about him. You can see somebody who's created this life for themselves that they just don't really want to participate in anymore. Yeah.
totally that's not like necessarily defending it i'm like my feelings would be hurt too but also it's like you kind of it's understandable and human so in january of 2015 TMZ reports that the LAPD did a welfare check on Richard Simmons. They had gotten an anonymous tip. They reported out publicly. Like he's okay. He's quote responsive and alert. Like he's fine. Then.
Over a year later, the New York Daily News runs a story called The Haunted Twilight of Richard Simmons. Oh my God. This is where the sort of... disappearance quote-unquote story really seems to take off it's just a bunch of people who they considered him a friend who were like, he's not returning calls. Right. My favorite of his friends was a woman named June who owned a store called wigs today in Los Angeles and said that she.
Richard became friends because he was a regular customer at wigs today. And I was like, I love this. Okay. I love that. He was like, I'm at the wig store so much. I've made friends. But does she say it's just like we used to hang out now we don't hang out anymore? Is that like the extent of it? Well, there's a fair amount of that. But the bulk of the story, the main source is Moro Olivera.
Mauro Oliveira was on Richard Simmons payroll first as a massage therapist and then as a personal assistant. There have been all these rumors that they were partners, right? That they were romantically involved. But Richard Simmons doesn't say that ever out loud to anybody. Does the guy, does Morrow identify himself as a boyfriend or partner? He never really says either.
At least not that I have seen. Interesting. Okay. He lived in an apartment that Richard Simmons owned. And he, according to him, he sent in a rent check every month that he says that Simmons never cashed. Oh, okay.
write a check every month and Richard Simmons would like, you know, throw it in the garbage or whatever. Recycle it. He seemed like a recycler. Yeah, he did. He did. So we're going to start with one of his early one of the early passages about Moro's story from this New York Daily News.
story. Let's talk it over, Olivera said. I want to sit here and make sure you'll be okay. Let's go upstairs. I'll give you a massage and relax you. Simmons called up to Teresa Revellis, his live-in housekeeper of nearly three decades. Moro is going upstairs with me, he said.
No, no, no, Rivella shouted from the second floor according to Oliveira. Get out, get out. Oliveira looked at his friend who told him in a soft voice, you've got to go. Oliveira leaned in towards Simmons. Is she controlling your life now? As Oliveira tells it, Simmons looked down and with one resigned word confirmed his worst suspicions. Yes.
This was the last time he saw his friend. This is sort of the key part of his story. He believes, and the story that he tells to the New York Daily News, is that Teresa is keeping Richard Simmons captive. his home okay he doesn't offer a motive for that he just says she is a witch who practices witchcraft oh he literally says this yes he's careful to note in the interview that
that isn't part of many Americans belief system, but that it's a very real thing where he comes from, which is Brazil and where Teresa comes from, which is Mexico. He tells the New York daily news that he thinks that. Black magic is what caused Richard to be, in his words, tormented. So a very unreliable narrator. Would you like another layer of unreliable? Yeah, give it to me. He wrote and self-published a book about the whole situation.
Called King Rich and the Evil Witch. Oh. He learned from Richard. You could tell maybe they were boyfriends. Maybe. Something rubbed off. A shared love for terrible titles. He calls the book a living fairy tale. He self-publishes it. Characters in the book include the good, goofy King Rich, the evil witch Bereza, which is Teresa. There is King Rich's brother, Prince Benny. Lenny. It's the fictional story of Bichard Bimmins.
No relation to any real. And then there's a character just called the artist. And that is very clearly Moro. This beautiful, intelligent young man who gets caught in the witchcraft. Yes. And the thing that I find maybe most. Yeah. It makes sense to me that you would need what he got, which was a full knee replacement on one side and he needed another.
And it reports in this piece that his last living Dalmatian, Hattie, had a terrible long health decline before ultimately being put down. Morrow says in the piece. that he visited at 2 p.m. on a Sunday and Richard was asleep and Maura was like, this is out of control. You got to get out of the house and you got to get up and at him. And I was like, his fucking dog just died. He's in his 60s. You let the man nap. Let the man have a depression nap when he has lost so many...
beloved people and creatures in his life. Right. Yeah. I think especially in periods of grief, like it does call you to like zoom out on your life and be like, is this what I fucking wanted? Yeah. It's very conceivable that in that state you. We go, I think I'm actually fucking done working. Yeah. In response to all of this dust kicking up, Richard gives an interview to the Today Show. saying he's totally fine. He's doing what he wants to do. Nobody needs to worry.
Yeah. The fact that it is an audio only interview just adds fuel to the fire for people. It's true crime brain happening in direct response to Richard Simmons being like, I'm fine. Please stop. They're like, this means he's definitely not fine. This whole time I'm thinking like, okay, you're a fan of Richard Simmons. It turns out he's like been whatever semi kidnapped by his.
maid or whatever or like yeah he's in some like severe depressive funk now what what do you do you don't know this person it really just seems like people were treating him like an atm for validation yeah and not like a person and when he was like hey i'm a person and i need a break people were like where the fuck is my money this atm
It's so weird. They're absolutely treating him like a utility that got shut off. Also, you're allowed to just not be a public figure anymore. I think you and I are... probably both two people who will just one day be like oh i'm done yeah i will also be kidnapped by my housekeeper okay and there will be a strange brazilian man who tells a story about me that's brian bicep i'm gonna be there
How dare you do a call back to that? My telephone habits. To a bonus episode too. Ridiculous. Bold as brass. So. In November 2016, Richard Simmons closes Slimmons. There's not really a formal statement from Richard. They just like post up signs on the door being like, hey, this is going to be our last day. I'm sure this just digs up the controversy again. Right.
So on the last day, people are like, maybe he'll show up for the last class. He doesn't. He hasn't shown up to anything in over two years at this point. He finally later addresses it in a Facebook post. Here is that post. He says. I'm making changes and taking time to do the things I want to do.
Please know that I'm in good health and I'm happy. No one has ever been able to tell me what to do, and the same is true today. I'm still independent, determined, and opinionated. I simply am making a new beginning for myself. Quietly and in my very own special way. Slimmons closes in November of 2016. It's four months after even that last chapter.
That missing Richard Simmons premieres. Okay, right. So at this point, there's been the wellness check. There's been the Today Show interview. There's been this Facebook post about Slimmons. He's been really clear. I am taking time off. His manager is saying that. And that's when this.
podcast comes out it's hosted by a journalist who had become a regular at slimmons uh and who had been over to dinner at richard simmons house this is kind of the apex of the richard simmons is missing narrative right this is the biggest stage that it gets the next month on the heels of the podcast release the LAPD got more tips to conduct another welfare check man
They go so far as to issue a public statement saying that Richard Simmons is quote unquote perfectly fine and quote, right now he is doing what he wants to do and that is his business. Man. In the following month, the month after that. Richard Simmons was hospitalized for severe indigestion. While he's in the hospital, he posts a photo of himself on Facebook with the caption, I'm not missing, just a little under the weather.
Yeah. But the picture is from a few years earlier, because as we know, Richard Simmons in the hospital is probably not posting a picture of what Richard Simmons looks like while he's in the hospital. Oh, no. So then I'm sure the Internet sleuths are like, oh, the picture's old. Remember the Kate Middleton? psychotic yes thing people are like it's an old picture he's faking it this is theresa doing it i also think there are plenty of public figures who would not
elect to post a picture of what you actually look like when you're checked into a hospital. Yeah, exactly. Especially if you're making a post that's trying to reassure people. Also, ultimately, Richard Simmons is a boomer and he's like, he's just posting on Facebook. He's like, oh, I'm posting a little thing.
And I'll just put a photo on there. Why not? Totally. And the whole internet is just like, what about the metadata of the photo? Like people just like zoom in when like, he might just not have been thinking about it all that hard. Right. Richard Simmons was born the same year as both of. my parents and i'm like oh was he also gonna attach a photograph of his tv screen
The post is in all caps for some reason. He doesn't know why he doesn't know how to turn that off. He also FaceTimed someone, but it was just showing his ear because he lifted the phone up that same year. The National Enquirer starts publishing a series of articles alleging that Richard Simmons was trans and started accessing gender affirming care. What? One of the headlines was Richard Simmons colon he's now a woman.
Oh my fucking God, where the fuck is this coming from? It's the National Enquirer, right? So someone's kicking up some dust. That is all made possible by the he's missing narrative, right? Yeah, yeah. If we don't have the he's missing narrative, Richard Simmons name is not in the news. And this doesn't become a story that the National Enquirer probably cares to publish much less cares to publish at the level that they did. It's funny contrasting him with Johnny Carson, who also like.
retired from public life very publicly right like there was this like series of shows the end of the tonight show and then he just never did anything again he just like played golf and hung out on his yacht but like no one cared there wasn't like a narrative of like he's missing or whatever he also it appears stopped
hanging out with all of his like celebrity friends. Yeah, totally. He disappeared from public life and most people were like, oh, this is kind of cool. Yeah. It's weird that the culture did not allow Richard Simmons to do that when we allow people to do this all the time. Absolutely. So on. July 13th, 2024, Richard Simmons died at his home in Los Angeles. He was 76 years old. According to the LA Medical Examiner, his cause of death...
was a fall the day before with heart disease reported as a contributing factor. According to... People Magazine's interview with Teresa Revellis. This is her first time speaking to the media. It's after his death. She says that he spent his final days doing what he wanted.
He was working with a well-known composer on a Broadway musical about his life. He was in touch with his fans and was writing people letters. And he was planning some media appearances for the first time in a while. She was like, he was kind of. starting to feel up to like doing an interview or something hmm so there's a funeral mass for richard in new orleans new orleans
has embraced Richard Simmons with its whole heart. People from New Orleans love Richard Simmons so much. We heard from some listeners who were at that funeral mass and one of them said that they were...
really shocked and sad to see that the church was not full. What? Yeah. That's shocking. It really underscores this sort of theory that I've been developing of like, again, like... validation atm yeah you know we talked in the last episode about like these are all ways that formerly fat people are encouraged to feel the way that people were interacting with him is as a currently fat person right which is like he doesn't have a story of his own
he's the fat best friend right right he's the gay best friend he's the bit characters who are there for comic relief and the comic relief just is their difference. Just say Rosie O'Donnell in Sleepless in Seattle. This is taking forever. Also when all the information was so available too. It's like the man wrote a fucking memoir. 100%. Yeah. None of this was hidden at any point from anyone. He was saying this in interviews for years. He was saying.
it in his book when people asked how he was he would be pretty honest yeah people put me you know take me out of the box when they need entertainment and then put me back in the box when they don't yeah i think he was right in the same way there's like The happy meatball Richard and the selling his jewelry to people Richard. And like we want the best for all these Richards. There's also, I think, the last 10 years of his life Richard. Yeah. We don't know that much about that period of his life.
He never got the chance to write about it. He never got the chance to tell us about it. But like, I choose to believe that he got some of what he wanted. And he decided at the end, you know, like he said in his Facebook post, like he's an independent guy. He made a decision.
that this is what he wanted to do with the last 10 years of his life. And like all evidence is that he did. Yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot of internet talk about like so-and-so doesn't owe you anything. Right. And I'm like, this is a moment where we have to go. Richard Simmons didn't know us anything. Yeah. That doesn't mean that people didn't have genuine feelings about him and don't still. That doesn't mean that people aren't allowed to feel close to him. It just means that.
We should do a little check on, like, how much of that was us projecting. I think it's also worth thinking about, like, people in your life who have that kind of energy that, like, really... kind of social energy. It's always important to sort of check in with those people to make sure there isn't something behind it or that they're training you not to see them in a certain way. I always...
Like my, this is a really dark little transition, but my friend who killed himself when I was in my 20s was very much like that, like social butterfly, everybody's friend, always making jokes. the last person you think would be struggling with stuff. And then out of the blue, he killed himself. It's like people, it doesn't mean every single person who's like bubbly is like hiding some dark secret underneath it, but like.
just because somebody is bubbly and like, oh my God, you seem so happy. Doesn't mean you shouldn't be checking in with that person. Yeah. I mean, I think it is sort of incumbent on all of us, right. To like do a little relational inventory on that front. Is there someone who you're treating as just sort of. entertainment for you or as...
a vessel for your complaints or your grievances or as just a source of guidance for you, right? Are you treating someone as a wellspring of a resource or are you treating them as a person? And things, if you recognize us from the podcast and you come up to us and I get the slightest.
whiff that that's the way you think of us, I will slap you in the face. I will spin you around like Tekken 8. I might start carrying around a tiny squirt bottle. You've had some bad interactions too, I feel like, yeah. Just a can full of rocks I can shake. Get! Bye. Bye.