1 - Intrepid Space Explorers

for maximum efficients. Just fucking do it. Yes, come on, baby, you can do this. Just hang on. We're almost there. We can do this. Warning almost come on Almost. Mag Mill Episode one, Intrepid Space Explorers. Good morning, Magmal crew. Today is March. You are currently one hundred kilometers from the helix Nebula. Congratulations, ladies. After seven hundred fifty four days, today is the day your mission finally comes to fruition. My head. M hmmm. I don't want to go to

school today. Just ten more minutes, proteus, there is no educational work currently scheduled for the day, Jenna. Perhaps you are mistaken. It was a joke, dude, God, After two years, you think it grow a sense of humor. After two years, you'd think you would understand the one I was programmed with. Ha ha, very funny. Hey, what's that smell? Sydney is prepared? Are in breakfast in the galley? You, ladies have a big day ahead of you, so she wanted to make

sure you were well nourished. Great, tell her I'll be there in a minute. And how many times do I have to tell you stop calling us ladies. We are interplanetary scientists turning the grade unknown, not the real housewives about her space. I beg your pardon, ladies. All right, funck off? How lady like? Said Prodigust is being a prick again? Well there she is, Good morning, sleep ahead, ready for your big day? Yes, mom, I'm so excited

for the first day of school. Well, I made you breakfast because you know we are going to be busy later. Thank you. Who bacon and eggs? Looks like someone went through the trouble re hydrating the good stuff. Today must be a special occasion if you're not a fan. No, no, no, no no, I am all about it. I'm just glad you went through all that and not me, because we both know I would have given up on step too, But man, am I starving? Clearly? Try breathing between each bite.

It's easier that way. Okay, after you're done, we have to double check the sensors on the aft end before we do anything else. I did that last week, and I did the week before. But the electrical storm this morning really missed some of them up. I'm sorry, electrical storm. You slept through it as pretty usual. But I was already awake anyway when we passed through. Why didn't you wake me up? It wasn't a big deal. I was

perfectly capable of handling it on my own. Okay, yeah, but it's my job, and if anything went wrong, I should have been there. But nothing went wrong. I told you I had it covered right. T Sid handled it wonderfully. Still wake me next time, okay, sure, And she says, how many of those have we been through in the past few weeks? Five or six? Seven? But who's counting? What's the damage to my baby from the storm? I'm doing fine, Thank you? The ship? How was the ship?

The Magmas sustained slight damage to the whole, but nothing. I hadn't already initiated auto repairs on as SID mentioned, sensors, are misaligned and require your expert touch. And he doesn't mean banging on the panels until it does what you want. I definitely do not mean that. Please do not damage my shift, right, alright, alright, I got it. Anything else, no other damage to report? Well, yes, there's one thing.

What one thing? This one? The storm? I mean, yeah, it felt different, different how, I don't know, It's just it made me feel weird. I just had a feeling like I'm in a dream or someone was stepping over my grave or something. Well, Jesus, that's morbid. And hey, the good news is you're not dead. The bad news is that everything feels different up here, said, I know, it's just it's silly. I know. Look, don't your mind I mean, now, girl, Okay, sefty plus days in and

you've held it together for this long. You can't fall apart on me on the literal day that we've been waiting for. I know, it's probably just nerves. I'm just it's so excited. It's here, It's it's actually here. Oh man, I can't believe we are finally going to see it, to the first people in history to ever see the helix nebula. I mean there's photos ready, but in a person you know what I mean? This is huge. I've been studying it since I was a kid, and now I get to be the first person to ever see

it up close. Second person, Okay, forget who is piloting the ship. Okay, regardless, we get to literally look into the eye of God. How freaking exciting. Yeah, it's a ball of gas. Granted, a gigantic ball of gas almost five light years away from home, but gas. Nonetheless, how are you're not freaking out? We have spent the last two years working towards this. This is going to be one of the greatest scientific discoveries of our time, and all you can say is b gas. Yeah, yeah, Okay,

it is pretty cool. Okay. I already talked to the lighthouse this morning and they said that, oh you already talked to Command Jesus. How really did you get up? It's like Christmas? How could you sleep? What did they say? Okay? I adjusted some parameters of our readings, updated some commands for Proteus, and gave us a slightly different course on the way back. The way back. We're not gonna be

there for another year. Apparently, some solar storm blew it slightly off course, so they wanted to make sure we adjusted for that. It is almost time for your check in Sydney. Please report to the session room. Better get moving. Mommy wants you home before dark. I heard that. Oh shut it. You hear everything. I am programmed to hear everything. I have ears and eyes everywhere. We get it. You watch us change. We know you're into it. You wish

someone's getting mouthy today. Perhaps you kept your focus on the mission and not on sarcasm, you'd be able to get something done for once. I'm sorry, do you really want to start with me today? Parties engaged computer mode computer mode engaged just when the fight was getting good. Please not pick a fight with our AI on the first day of our monumental discovery. Please yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

all right, go to your session. I'll clean up. Mag Mill will returned after these messages and now back to mag Mill. Today is March. This is Sydney Session number five four two. Hello Sydney. How are you today? I'm good? I'm ready to do this. I heard you mentioned you did not sleep well. Is everything okay? Did something disturb your sleep again? Just nerves? I guess today Being the day and all the day you have been working toward for the last seven dreft four days. How do you

feel about it? Ecstatic? I mean, how often does a person get to fly through a nebula they've been studying almost their entire life. Right, this is a big day for both of you. I am excited for you. Hey, it's a big day for you too. You're part of the team too, right. How are you feeling otherwise? Any progress in other areas? Yeah? I think so. I've been really trying to practice my mindfulness like we've been talking about. I think it helps me remain more present and focus better.

I'm glad to hear that. How are things with Channa good? We haven't had any fights in a few weeks. We seem to be getting along better again. Last time we spoke, you mentioned might try to speak to her about that night you. I don't want to talk about that. I understand, but as we've learned, it's better for you to get things off your chest rather than keep them in. Yeah. I know that. But after the lost time, when did you plan on speaking to her? I don't know. I

was thinking maybe today. I understand. I just stated it is better to get things off your chest. But perhaps today is not the best day for it. You have approximately three fifty two days before arriving at the I. S. S. Lighthouse. Perhaps somewhere in that time frame would be best. Do you want me to talk to her? Not? I do, But I do not mean to cause a problem between you both. I am merely looking out for your best interest. It's just hard, especially when it's just you and one

other person on the ship. You always have me as well, I know, thank you. It's just just what just I just can't stop thinking about what would you do if you had the chance to do things over again? What would you do differently? Do you mean in general or for yourself? I just never mind, it's nothing. Are we good here? Yes? I know you have a long to do list to get ready for the day's mission. Good luck today, Thanks proteus. Oh hey, considering what today is,

do you mind if Sydney? I know, it's just I promise it'll help, just for a minute or two, please, I promise. I'm not so sure that it's such a good idea. Please te two minutes. Thank you, m Hi baby. I will never understand your insistence on playing this antiquated device. I have this all digitally, you know I prefer the low fi sounds of a tape deck. What do you want for me? Better quality? Perhaps? And for you to turn it down to see? How many times do I

have to tell you this? The Ramikins are meant to be played loud. I'll just adjust my own volume sensitivity. Then have you shut up and try it again? Please? Sensors offline? Fuck? Try again? Sensors offline? Damn it? What is the problem. The sensors are misaligned? Yes, thank you, I know that part. Why? Okay? One more time? Sensors offline? The fuck? Sensors back online? Fun? Yes, don't you ever tell me that abusing the machines doesn't work? Ever again?

Please please do not damage my systems. Sensors are back online. Nice. Did she hit your tea? She did? I did not. You gotta love on the Magma Jenna treated kindly. Give it some love. She'll do whatever you want. Then, trust me, said, I know how to make someone do what I want. How far out of we te kilometers? It's probably best you prepare? Okay, showtime, Yes, let's do this thing. Let's

get to the bridge. Engaging capture pods. Nano wave frequency shift is normal, stabilizing the forward arm sensors online and giving normal readings. Thanks to you slowing to own engine power to and now we wait hard to believe we waited two years for this moment. Yeah, and now we just sit on our ass until it's over. The beauty of automated technology? Does it all for us? Just monkeys pressing buttons to them? Hey, we're extremely smart monkeys, Thank

you very much. Excuse me, Dr Monkey. Well, I didn't go through twelve years of schooling to be called miss monkey. That is true. You were in that title. Now dance, Monkey, Dance, because our names are about to be in the history books for this one. Sid and Janna and said, my name's gonna come first. Jana and Sid Intrepid Space explorers, first people in the universe to see the helix nebula up close and personal and drive through it. I mean, who doesn't want to check out the inside of a

gaseous giant? Am? I? Right? Come on, loosen up. You can be a little excited, can't you. I'll be excited when we complete the mission. Okay, I've been on too many that have gone sideways at the pivotal moment to start celebrating so soon, can you at least be a little less of a downer? I will try for you. Well, I'm glad we get to do this together. Congrats on a job well done, Captain Prescott. Same to you, Captain Owens. Wow, it's so beautiful. You've seen pictures. Yeah, but pictures are

one thing. Seeing it in person is a whole other thing. It's it's breathtaking. Two kilometers until destination, Here we go. Hey, I just wanted to say, said, we're about to make a huge scientific breakthrough. You really want to do this right now? No, I just I wanted to let you know that you can trust me. Okay, I don't want you to feel like I'm going to compromise the mission or something. Said. How many times do I have to tell you? Okay, let it go? Man? I know, but

say it's seriously, it's not the time. One kilometer until des nation, All systems engaged, we go. Are you ready? Yes? I said, come on, let's go. Time, hype yourself up. Are you ready? Okay? Okay, yeah, I'm ready. Passing into Helix Nebula in three two one status report All systems functioning and instruments are engaged in gathering data holding steady at sixty engines should be smooth sailing. Wow, these readings are incredible. Oh yeah, this is going to advance our

knowledge of the universe tenfold. What what? What? What's that? Oh? Oh what, Sydney, I've never seen this before. Something is off, way off. Because none of this makes sense. I need a little bit more than that. What's going on? According to this, it's it's almost as if we've entered the warning system failure? What the fuck? What is happening in conclusive data systems failing? What the hell is failing? What happened to? Come on? Talk to me? We didn't want

to positions recommended? What is happening? Come on, buckle up. I don't understand what went wrong? Dan, No, no, no, no, no, no no, Jannic, come on, work steering engines, proteus, tell me more. What the online ship system failure? System failure, system failure. No no, no, no no no no. Magmill were returned after these messages, and now back to Magmill, h said, Jane, are you okay? I'm over here? Hang on, let me just fuck okay, hang on, hang on, don't

move with me. Let me get you something. Oh, it's fine, I'm fine. You got whaled in the head. You might have a concussion, if that explains my brain is screaming. Just let me get up right, lean against me. Let's get you into a chair. Very easy, easy, You're good. Just give me a second Protius status report Magmal's status report. Communications systems are offline, sensors are offline. Engine damage at replacement for a court tone of valve needed, exterior whole

damage detected, engaging, auto repair recommended. What the funk happened? I have no idea. We passed through the nebula and everything just when crazy fuck it happened. What what I said? That shouldn't have happened? Shit, Okay, so new plan. We don't fly through it on the way back. We just go around T. Can you course correct that and skip it completely? How much longer would that add to our return trip? Return trip estimated at eight years, seven months,

and three days. That doesn't seem right, T. You clearly took a head or two because your calculations are way off. Reboot rebooting back online, and my calculations are fine, feeling better. I have no feelings. I am an advanced artificial until it's calculate the trip to return home you rust Bucket return trip estimated at eight years, seven months, and three days. I told you my calculations were fine. We're going to have to run some tests on you, my friend. We

need to test Janna. Her head appears to be damaged. Wise ass, Okay, tell me this. Then what are our coordinates? We are currently on seven point four three trillion kilometers from the helix Nebula. Wait, what Jesus that messed him up? At Okay? We need to run a full diagnostic on him, and then maybe we should try to update his software. Because hey, are you listening to me? Sydney? What's sorry? I just this is strange. What's strange? Helix Nebula? What

about it? Did something happen? No? Well, yes, it's just it's not there. What do you mean it's not there? It's not here. Look out the view board. It should be right there. We came out of it, but it's not. It's it's not there. Jenna, check the NAP computer and the star charts. In cases messed up, we might not be able to trust the systems. Yet he's he's right. No, come on, that's not possible. The NAV computer readout says the same thing, and the stars I don't recognize any

stop it's into you're fucking with me. Okay, a concussion. I'm not an idiot. Look at this. No, no, no, that's not right. T give me our coordinates again. We are currently one seven point four three trillion kilometers from the helix. Nebula funk, funk? What the funk happened? How is this possible? And I don't know. There's no way that this could happen. Nebulas are gas filled with gas. It's not a wormhole or something, it's a fucking gas giant. He can you raise the lighthouse for US? Long range

communication systems are offline? How far out are we? There are no records of our current position. I believe we may be further out than my system charts have on file. Can we engage the warp drive? Propulsion systems are offline? Damn it? Okay, okay, hold on, let's let's just think about this. It's not what's Indney. We're in the middle of unknown space. We have no idea how the funk we even got here. None of our systems work, and we can't call for help. We're fucking stuck out here.

There has to be a reason for this, some explanation to initiate auto repair, initiating how long two hours until minimum operating conditions? And then what we try to get the funk out of here? Two hours minimum for short range travel. We still need a replacement part for long range. Oh god, damn it, now, what what's going on to That is not one of our known alarm systems? What is it? Then? We are receiving a distress beacon of unknown origin? Distress beacon. We don't even know where we are.

How did someone get out here? Beacon coming from the port side approximately two kilometers away? Oh, oh my god, Jannel, look wait over there, looks the there's another ship out there. A mag mel starring Ali Trasher, Julia Henning, and b J. Gribb. Additional voices in this episode provided by cat Ton Chonko. Written by Jeff Heimbuck and Lindsay Skaggin, Directed and edited by Jeff Heimbuck, Produced by Jeff Heimbuck and Ali Trasher.

Executive produced by Holly Fry. Audio engineered by Corey Celeste and Alex Gona. Original musical score by Corey Celeste, additional songs by The Ramikins as played by Roscoe Soultran. Magmal is a production of I Heart Radio and Bamfer Productions. Questions, comments email us at Project Magmal at gmail dot com. A until next time, We'll see you when we see you.